#but they had to drag my lovers of stratford too

[cto10121]

R&J Clown Takes Special Edition (+ Shakespeare Clownery)—My & Juliet Angst Is Killing Me

The Folgers alas stooped to interviewing the ~geniuses behind the jukebox musical & Juliet, and so of course they got to air out both their R&J and their Shakespeare clownery for the whole Internet, the finest meat for my clown-eatery. We feast tonight! Spoilers, of course

R&J Hate Dumb

Romeo is many things, but shallow isn’t one of them. If he or Juliet were, their love affair would have been over when they first found out they were each other’s enemy. There is only one thing shallow about Shakespeare’s play and that is Veronian society itself, deliberately depicted as such.

These knuckleheads then go on to reference Romeo bro-ing with his bros as “proof” of this. Never mind that Mercutio and Benvolio weren’t supposed to know about R&J’s relationship, no one could, so Romeo getting them off his tail and being normal can be in no way performative. Juliet has her Nurse on the know so she doesn’t have to perform either. And again, she has to make sure her parents aren’t on her tail. Even then, though, she makes sure not to lie (technically).

The only point where either Romeo and Juliet can be said to be in any way performative is Romeo’s “love” for Rosaline and Juliet having to come up with a diplomatic response to her mother and nurse on the question of marriage.

“Older pair of lovers” with “Teenage Dream” with nightingale and lark rip-off…it’s giving unintentional parody. It’s giving “no thoughts, head empty.”

Romeo “I killed myself for my true love and honored my rival’s dying request to be lain with her because of course that is perfectly logical to me” Montague, an ego?????? This is arguably worse than Fey!Romeo. What is with modern musicals and their insistence that every single male love interest/character be a huge egotistical dick?

Shakespeare Hate Dumb

Because of course a small town 16th century SAHM who ran a merchant house and stored 800 bushels of malt for ale would be more ~progressive about gender and social issues than a classics-educated theater actor and writer who traveled England and wrote genderbending social comedies and whose sonnets are frequently interpreted as bierotic. Because men smart, woman smarter, always!!! No thoughts, head empty!!!!

Die (Reprise, andante con grande emozione).

Also, Something Rotten called, they’re suing you for copyright infrigement. Is this Shakespeare going to complain about how it’s hard to be the bard too? Seriously, wtf?

Okay, so Tumblr won’t let me add in another screenshot, but I have to talk about the fact that these numbskulls straight up confessed they wanted to do a Max Martin musical (per producer diktat) and came up with the R&J plot afterward because, and I kid you not…most of Martin’s songs are about young teen love. 😑 Yeah, dude, like 95% of all pop music ever since the Beatles.

Also, also, not all songs about young teen love necessarily fit R&J!!! From what I can tell, the songs they chose have little to no relevance to the characters or dynamic at all, hence this new fanfic plot. And judging by the excerpts, I don’t think they even bothered changing the lyrics to fit the new context. They really should have just changed the names à la West Side Story, but they definitely knew the show wouldn’t have sold as well without the tie-in. It just pisses me off, this consistent disrespect for the source material all the while exploiting it for profit.

Bonus: Very ~Apropos Song Lyrics

Because of course these lyrics about a breakup completely fit a girl who just found her love dead beside her, having committed suicide. 🙃 No thoughts, head empty

[whimsicalwhimsicott]

Here's a fic for @amber474!

The prompt was more Dad!Hank taking care of his android son fics so here's another wholesome fic!

---------------

“Goddammit Connor how many times do I have to tell you not to lick random shit!” Connor was pulled up and away from the footboard of a bed. They had been assigned to another case, one involving a deviant and his human lover. At the moment, it seemed like the woman was at fault, blue blood – thirium – smeared wall to wall in intricate maze-like patterns. When they arrived on the scene, Connor took in the sight immediately. Although they worked homicide involving androids permanently now, it had been since before the deviant uprising that he saw this pattern. While examining the room, he walked to the middle of the room, where the end of the bed was, and kneeled down to take a sample of blood he saw at the bottom of the footboard. Barely noticeable to humans. He managed to get a good sample before he was pulled away.

“There was blood that had yet to be marked as evidence, Lieutenant,” Connor remarked, “I simply wished to see whose blood it was.”

“And? What did you get from it?”

Connor’s LED flashed yellow for a second before spinning calmly back to blue. “It’s the suspect's blood, mixed heavily with red ice. There is a high probability that she was high at the time of the crime.” Connor went to wipe the blood on his clothes. Before he got the chance, again unpredictably, Hank grabbed his wrist and used a handkerchief to wipe his fingers. Hank had gotten him a new work outfit, so that he didn’t have to wear ‘that obnoxious CyberLife suit’ anymore. He supposed it would be wrong of him to ruin it so soon after getting it. “The woman we arrested was injured too, I suggest giving her one more medical check and then questioning her.”

“No use doing that,” said Detective Reed. Hank and Connor both jumped at the sound of his voice, not expecting him to be there too. “We already questioned her, she won’t talk.”

“I mean no offense, Detective Reed, but you aren’t very good at your job,” commented Connor. Hank made a motion for him to shut up quickly, but Gavin was already pissed. He might as well continue. “You’ve missed three pieces of vital evidence at this crime scene alone. I won’t mention other scenes, but I also recall you haven’t been able to obtain a confession from anyone in questioning either.”

“Jesus Christ,” Hank murmured, putting his face in his hands and rubbing vigorously. Would there ever be a time when Connor didn’t antagonize anyone? Amazingly, Reed kept his composure, but Connor noticed the twitch in his face evidence to when he was about to reach his breaking point. “Come on, Connor, let’s head out,” Hank suggested, teeth gritting as Gavin left the room. But Connor rejected the offer.

“I want to look around the scene of the crime a bit more, Lieutenant. There might be more that was missed. And we have a suspect to question, remember?”

“Don’t get me wrong, Connor,” officers were starting to head out. Hank just wanted to be a part of it. “I understand there’s a lot more to this case but she’s not going anywhere.”

“The evidence might,” he insisted.

Hank and Connor stood there for a long time, staring each other down in a standoff that neither wanted to back down from. Hank weighed his options. He could risk leaving Connor to his own devices on how he long he stayed at the scene of the crime and how he got home. Or, on the other hand, he could stay and- Shit, where was Connor? He listened carefully, and he thought his hearing must be going, because he couldn’t hear Connor at all until the shit called out to him. “In here, Lieutenant.”

He, and he would never admit it to anyone, ran into the other room hoping to still see Connor in one piece. Ever since he found Connor on the floor of Stratford Tower, he had felt...genuinely upset for the first time since Cole's death. He didn’t want to leave the curious android on his own after that, and for good reason. He was very close to Connor now, even letting the android stay in his home, specifically Cole's room. Not a replacement…but another son.

And having another son meant protecting him. Hank wasn’t going to screw that up again. Never again.

“Connor, can you not run off like that? I’m getting sick of chasing after you.”

The android managed to smile, the right way this time. A lot like Cole used to. “Sorry, Lieutenant. You were taking a long time to decide.”

He should tell Connor. He already knew that Hank didn’t hate him anymore, but Hank was sure Connor thought he was just tolerated. But he didn’t want to interrupt… “Connor!” he warned, dragging out the name through gritted teeth. The kid was reaching down again to lick something off the floor. Connor stopped mid-reach and pulled back, standing straight. “Connor, come on, there’s nothing here. Let’s go home.”

The android seemed reluctant. “I just-“ he used a very human motion, biting his lip ass he thought of what to say. Hank realized he was anxious about something. He watched as Connor’s LED flashed yellow then turned red. “I want to finish up here at the crime scene,” He finally finished. So this is how he wanted it to be.

“Why are you avoiding going home? Something there you don’t like?”

“Its not that.”

“You’re not a good liar, Connor. Look at who you’re talking to.”

Connor turned to look at Hank, a sheen over his eyes and saline slowly slipping down synthetic cheeks. The detective hadn’t expected that. He approached Connor slowly, “What’s wrong?”

“I...feel like I'm a burden,” he murmured. “You let me stay with you, you opened Cole's room just so that I wouldn’t have to stay on the couch all night. But I can see how distressed you get every time I walk in there.”

Hank stood there quietly while Connor opened up. Even though it had been a while since he'd become deviant, the other hadn’t liked talking about what he was feeling until it was truly overwhelming. “I want to feel like I have a place here but I just really want you to like me and enjoy my company.”

Well he really was going to have to come out with it now, wasn’t he? Hank’s eyes softened as he pulled Connor into a hug. He couldn’t explain here, not at a crime scene, it just didn’t feel appropriate. He led Connor out of the building and into the car. It seemed there was no more fight in the kid anymore. Hank entered on the other side and drove slowly through the streets. He made sure to make it a long drive despite his eagerness to get home and take a nap. Connor was force drying his tears. “How long have you sat on that?”

“I haven’t been sitting on anything Lieutenant,” he replied.

“Oh Jesus, I meant how long have you wanted to tell me that?”

“I didn’t want to tell you that, Lieu-“

“Don’t give me that shit.”

Connor took the hint, “Since you gave me Cole's room.”

“That’s been half a year…” he murmured. He pulled into the driveway of the old rundown house he had made many memories with Connor. He just had to get them across. “Connor, listen,” he sighed as he got out of the car. “You, whether you believe it or not, belong right here in this house with me.”

Connor stepped out of the car and walked to the front door, silent. Hank continued on, already hearing Sumo's heavy breathing from the other side of the door as he jingles his keys. “And you’re not a burden, it’s not like you’re not pulling your weight. You keep me from drinking myself to death, walk Sumo, clean the house, and I bet you do things I don’t know about.”

The android opened his mouth to say something, but as the door swung open, Sumo charged out and tackled Connor to the ground. He could already hear Hank complaining about getting the new suit dirty, but it never came. Instead, the man walked in the house with purpose outlining his features. Sumo followed in hopes of food. Connor brushed himself off and regained composure for a few minutes before he did.

When he did, Hank was standing outside Cole's room. A somber look was on his face. What used to be full of toys and books now also included souvenirs and knick-knacks that Connor considered important. “I think Cole would have liked you, Connor.”

“Why do you say that?”

“I’m sure he would have seen you as his brother, you aren’t too much different.”

“The obvious being I’m an android and he was a human.”

“He wouldn’t have even seen you as that. I haven’t seen you as that in a long time. You…” Hank stopped for a minute. “You’re not a burden, I don’t think I could see my son as being a burden.”

“But Hank…I’m not your son.”

“You don’t have to be, you’re your own man, Connor. I’m just trying to say that I see you as young and innocent, I’ve worried about you ever since you died at Stratford and I wasn’t there to help you, and my only thought then was that I would never lose a son again.”

“I was wondering why you never told me what happened at Stratford. I knew I died but…” Connor tried to remember, but as it had been before, it was still corrupted. That wasn’t important. Hank had just admitted he saw Connor as his son. And not a replacement son. Did that make sense?

“I’m never going to make you leave, kid. You can stay here as long as you want.”

Connor felt overwhelmed, this time from…was this happiness? He was crying again. He ran a quick search, trying to make sense of what he was feeling. Hank answered even before he could get a result pulled up.

“Wow, didn’t think I could move you to tears. What happened to hardboiled Connor?”

Plastic arms were wrapped around his back in seconds. He couldn’t help but return it. “Thank you…”

“Yeah, yeah, just don’t keep all that emotion holed up, it’ll drive you to drink.”

“Androids don’t dr-“

“Connor.”

He got the hint.

[corrahdarling]

Summer - Ch. 7 - Apologies

             The rest of the day seemed to creep by for Summer. The thought of running to the University and falling at Tom’s feet to beg for forgiveness, crossed her mind more times than she could count. She knew that was a bad idea, and to be perfectly honest, she didn’t even know if he’d want to see her.         She tried to keep her mind off of the situation with Jake, because every time he crossed her mind, she wanted to be sick. The anxiety was eating away at her… what if he told the Dean that he had caught his teacher in bed with a student? Tom would be out of a job… probably ruined for life, and she would be expelled from College at the most important time in her career. It was her dumb luck, that the only person she wanted to run to was miles away, teaching a class on Shakespearean Language… and it would be too risky to run to him anyway. She was mad at herself for getting into this situation. If her jealousy hadn’t gotten the best of her, she wouldn’t have dragged Jake to Azzurro’s, and he would have never found out about their relationship. Good job, Summer.

              She figured that keeping her Tuesday night meeting with Tom was a bad idea… plus, barricading herself in her room for the rest of the day sounded better. She had homework to get done for his class, anyway, which took her the better part of her afternoon. It was something that should have only taken her thirty minutes, only her mind kept wandering to the night before. She sighed, closed her eyes, and laid her forehead on the cool wooden desk. She would have been convinced that she had been dreaming when Tom let the ‘l-word’ slip, if he hadn’t reminded her this morning. Love. This brilliant, amazing, handsome man had told her he loved her, but she couldn’t repeat it. There was no way she was ready for that.

            Chloe poked her head through the door. “Hey, are you gonna stay in here all day?”

            “I thought about it.”

            “Come on, Juliet, forget about Romeo for a while. Let’s watch a movie… I just ordered a pizza. Come o-on, I’ve already got Magic Mike loaded in the blu-ray player. We’re gonna stuff our faces and stare at Channing Tatum’s ass.”

           Summer laughed as Chloe grabbed her wrist and started pulling. “Okay, okay, I’m coming.”

           “Good… Mike and Big Dick Richie aren’t going to wait around forever…” 

           After the pizza was gone, and the movie was over, the girls sat on the couch, cuddled underneath a fleece blanket. 

           “Chloe, what am I going to do if I get kicked out of school? I have no back up plan, this is the only thing I want to do.”

           Chloe grabbed her friends hand and squeezed. “You are not getting kicked out of school… You know Jake would never tell on you two.”

           “I don’t know… I’ve never seen him that angry.”

           “Well, Summer… Jake loves you. He has for a while. I’m sure it hurt him to see what he saw this morning. Give him time to cool down, and talk to him. You’ve told him before that you just don’t like him like that, right?”

          “Yes… more than once.”

          Chloe nodded. “Maybe you can talk to him after class in the morning…”

          “That’s a bad idea… not with Tom there. I’ve got to smooth things over with him too, and the last thing I need is for him to see Jake and I talking.” She let out a frustrated groan. “I can’t believe I hurt two men in less than five minutes.”

           “You are pretty hot, Summer. That’s what happens.”

           “Sure, Chloe. I’ve got to get to bed. Got class bright and early… can’t wait!”

          “Ooh, I detect sarcasm in your voice…”

           “Ya think? Goodnight…”

           “Night! Love you!”

          “You too.” Summer smiled and traipsed into her bedroom, collapsing on her bed. She was beyond mentally exhausted, and was ready to get the next day over with. She turned to her stomach and huffed, before turning to her side… and finally her back. Every way she turned, all she could smell was Tom on her rose-colored sheets… almost like tobacco and oak moss… seductive, charming and masculine. Just like him. She tossed and turned for what seemed like hours, just imagining that he was there beside her, only realizing after opening her eyes that he wasn’t. Her eyes closed one last time that night, before drifting into a fitful, nervous sleep. 

          Four hours later, Summer awoke and immediately there was a pit in her stomach. She knew what that day could possibly hold… losing a friend in Jake… and a lover in Tom. Slowly, she rolled over and looked at her alarm clock.

           “Shit!” It was 8:15, and she had class at 9. She could hear rain splattering on her window, which made her morning even better. Being from the South, she wasn’t used to much rain, so all of the precipitation here in Seattle was something that still threw her for a loop. She jumped into the shower, giving herself a quick scrub, before wrapping her towel haphazardly around her. She threw her trusty red stain on her lips and cheeks, and a layer of mascara on her lashes. Her hair went up into a topknot, still smelling of Tom and sex… she didn’t have a choice, there was no time to wash it. 

           Sliding into a pair of cropped, dark denim pants, and a fitted, light plum t-shirt, she decided to throw on an oatmeal colored, three-quarter sleeve wool cardigan… since it looked chilly outside. She slipped her handy navy Converses on her feet before grabbing her bags and darting out the door. She couldn’t be late, giving Tom one more reason to be mad at her.

            Luckily, traffic was moving pretty quickly that morning, so she made it to the University in record time, nearly skidding into a parking spot near the door. She still had five minutes. Clutching her bags tightly, she wiped her feet on the doormat and made her way down the hall. Her stomach was absolutely turning, and as she passed Tom’s office, she noticed his door was closed and the lights were off. He must already be in class. So much for talking to him now…  

       She ducked into the lecture hall, and as she caught sight of Tom, her breath hitched in her throat. He was dressed a little more casually today in lovely, tight, dark denim trousers, a white dress shirt, and a baby blue lightweight sweater on top. His hair styled haphazardly, but perfectly, and the slight stubble on his face made her mind wander to a place it shouldn’t be… like back to her bed… with him.

       Sweet Baby Jesus, take me now.

      She cleared her throat, and passed him, ultimately drawing his attention to her.  

      “Summer.” He greeted her.

      “Morning, Dr. Hiddleston.”

      “Running late, are we?”

      “A little. Sorry…” 

      She slid into her desk, and took her notebook and textbook out of her bag, as he began to speak. 

       “Good morning, students. Please pass up your homework from Monday.” Summer’s hand went into her bag, retrieving the paper, and peeked over at Jake from the corner of her eye. She handed her homework to the girl in front of her as she finally looked over at him. She might as well breach the subject now.

      “Morning, Jake.”

      “Hey, Summer… I was beginning to think you weren’t coming to class.”

      “Yeah, I overslept… Didn’t get much sleep last night.”

      “Have company?” He asked sarcastically.

      “No, Jake. I was up all night thinking. I need to apologize to you. I’m very sorry about everything, and the way it all happened. I shouldn’t have used you the way I did, and I’m sorry you walked in on…” Suddenly she remembered where she was. “…my company and me.”

      He nodded slowly. “You aren’t going to see him anymore, then? Right?”

      “Jake… I…” 

      “Summer, you can’t see him anymore. You know it’s not right. I know you don’t want to be with me… I understand that now… But you can’t be with him. He’s not right for you.”

       She had hoped he would have found some compassion in the last day, and would tell her that he understood that she wanted to be with Tom… and all would be good. Apparently, that hadn’t happened.  

       “Please… Jake, I really think that is my personal business.”

      He shook his head. “Let me tell you something. I care about you, but if you don’t stop seeing him, I will go to the Dean.”

      “Summer, would you and Jake like to share your conversation with the rest of the class?”

      She gasped, as she felt hot tears began to sting her eyes. “No, Dr. Hiddleston, I’m sorry.”

     He gave her a curt nod, as he went on with his lecture. 

     She turned away from Jake, even though he was still watching her. She couldn’t believe he had given her that ultimatum. She didn’t want to give Tom up, and she didn’t want to give up her career… but, it seemed like Jake was going to make her decide. One or the other... She couldn't have both. She silently wiped a couple of tears from her eyes, as she trained them on Tom. He could see that she was upset, and so could several other people in the class. She wasn’t normally emotional, especially in public, but this was an altogether different emotion. It was like she almost knew that her relationship with Tom was over, and now it was time to mourn.

       “Many different scholars have used public records from Shakespeare’s hometown Stratford-upon-Avon, to understand the sexual behavior of Shakespeare and his contemporaries. It was a much different time then, guys. Sexual misconduct was not blatant under the eye of Queen Elizabeth, who was often referred to as the Virgin Queen, and the church or the state did not tolerate adultery, incontinence or pre-marital sex. In other words, if you cheated on your spouse, couldn’t maintain an erection, or had sex before marriage, you’d be punished under the Queen’s rule. In fact, Stratford records give record of prosecution for fornication, and in spite of the danger of punishment, evidence shows that Shakespeare himself engaged in pre-marital sex, as his wife Anne Hathaway was already pregnant at the time of their marriage. It seems as though he escaped prosecution for this and escaped “scot-free.” Shakespeare’s personal sexual experiences are reflected in his writing. In Shakespeare’s “As You Like It,” Rosalind discusses pre-marital sex, and in his Sonnet 151, Shakespeare gives an “extraordinary description of an erection, detailing the rising and the falling of the penis.” The class giggled as Tom returned back to the lectern. “Next time, come prepared for me to lecture for a complete hour about how scandalous Elizabethan theatre was.”

        The class mumbled. 

        “Oh, come now. It won't be that bad.” He grinned. “Now, turn to page 24 in your textbook, answer the four essay questions listed about A Midsummer Night’s Dream, and turn it in. After that you may go for the day.”

        Everyone groaned and reached into their bags for paper, and flipped to the page in their textbooks. Maybe if Summer took a while to do this, she would be able to talk to Tom before leaving. The more people that got up, the better she felt. Only, there was one person that didn’t get up even though he was finished… Jake. He was going to sit there until she got up… He was going to watch her like a hawk from here on out.

         She huffed as she added her name to the top of her paper, and underneath it, in tiny letters, she wrote the words. “I’m sorry.” She stood and began to walk to the front of the room, and heard Jake’s boots on the wooden floor behind her, matching her step for step. Approaching the lectern, she slipped her paper onto the wooden surface. 

         “Thank you, Summer.” Tom said as he looked into her eyes. She wished she knew what he was thinking at that moment as he looked at her… she couldn’t tell if his mind was filled with love… or hate… forgiveness… or contempt… and that broke her heart.

         Jake cleared his throat and stepped beside her, sliding his paper on top of hers.  

        “Thank you, Jake.” 

        Jake didn’t reply, prompting Summer to look up at him,  but he just stared at Tom, narrowing his eyes at the Professor. Tom didn’t back down, reciprocating the hateful glare, and Summer saw his jaw clench and release beneath the skin of his beautiful face.

       “Let’s go, Summer.” Jake ordered as he finally looked down to her, nodding his head toward the door.

       She gave Tom one last pleading look, before turning and exiting the room, feeling Jake so close behind her that she could hear his deep breaths. 

       “Summer.” He tried to stop her as she sped up and bustled toward her car. His long legs quickly caught up with her as he reached out and wrapped his hand around her arm. “Summer!”

       “Let go of me, Jake.” She spoke quietly, not wanting to draw attention to them. Squirming, she tried to wrench herself out of his grip, but it was impossible… he was much too strong.  

      “You know, I care about you, and I’m just trying to protect you.”

      She looked from his hand squeezing her arm to his eyes. “By hurting me?”

      “Stay away from him, Summer. That’s the last warning I am going to give you.”  

      Her mouth dropped open at his words and forcefulness. Jake had never been aggressive toward her until now, and it should have scared her… but, really, it just pissed her off.

       “How dare you? We’ve been through so much... you are one of my best friends… and you treat me like this?”

       “What’s going on out here?” Tom trotted over to the pair, rage filling his eyes. “Jake, let go of Summer, now.”  

       “This is none of your business, Dr. Hiddleston.”

       Tom stepped closer and whispered. “Summer is my fucking business. If you have a problem, you can take it up with me. Now, let her go home.”  

       Jake released her arm, but not before giving her a tiny shove. Both men looked at her expectantly as she turned and bustled to her car. Her trusty Toyota couldn’t get her out of there fast enough as she watched Tom and Jake standing there watching her. Was every day going to be like this from now on? She wouldn’t be able to handle it if they were. By the time she arrived back at her apartment, she was in hysterics. Chloe met her at the door and wrapped her arms around her friend. “Come on, sweetie. Let’s sit on the couch. Tell me what happened.”

___________________________         Summer laid on her bed later that day. It had actually turned into a lovely afternoon, so she raised her window, and let the cool breeze flow into her room. She tried to think of a way out of her situation, but every scenario was a dead end. None of them ended with a happy Summer… she either had her career, or the man she wanted. None of the possibilities left her with both. Suddenly, her phone buzzed beside her. Before swiping her finger across the screen, she saw it was a text from a number she didn’t know.

               3:46 P.M.           Are you okay?

              3:47 P.M.             Who is this?                   -S

                       3:49 P.M. You know who this is, my darling.

             3:51 P.M.  No, I’m not fine. I miss you.                -S

             3:53 P.M. I miss you too, darling. I promise that I will let nothing get in our way… or no one. Do you believe that? Will you tough this out with me?

             3:55 P.M.                 Yes.                  -S

             3:57 P.M.  That’s what I wanted to hear.          I’ll see you soon.

         She read back over the texts more times than she could count, and each time it made her feel a little better. Now, they would just have to be extra secretive. Not only keeping their relationship hidden from the world… but an over protective Jake, as well. That might prove to be a challenge… but she was up for it. She loved Tom. She could finally admit it to herself… now, admitting it to him might be a little harder. To learn to love, she would need a really good teacher…                                     … and she knew just the man for the job.