#rafe x nannyreader

[writingroom21]

The Nanny

Pairing: Rafe x Nanny Reader

Summary: Being Wheezie's nanny was great. The only downside was dealing with the oldest Cameron, Rafe. What happens when his fascination with the nanny becomes a reality?

Warnings: Fluff, 18+, unprotected sex (wrap it up y'all), cream pie, mention of oral, fingering (f receiving), mentions of drugs

Wc:8.2K

A/N: Sorry for the long wait it has been a hectic week. I had a lot to do for this job I applied for so I was busy. But good news is that I got it! Anyway last chapter which is sad, but I hope you enjoy. Thank you for all the love this series has gotten. I owe it all to everyone of you!

Chapter 9: Laying All Our Cards Down

There’s a tickling feeling on your chest. It slowly stirs you from your sleep. The objects in you dream fading into shapes, then blobs of random color. Your hand goes to relieve the itch, still half asleep. Your fingers brush against a hand, their fingers the cause of what woke you. 

Rafe’s eyes watched you as you woke up, his fingers dropping the pendant to lace together with yours. Your eyes squint open slightly foggy from sleep still. They clear and Rafe is staring at you, his fingers playing with yours. “You put the necklace back on.” He points out, fine lines wrap his eyes showing his confusion. 

“Yeah.” You carefully look at his face, waiting to see if he will mention last night. “Why?” His blue eyes are burrowing into yours, forcing you to look at him. “You know why.” You won’t be the first to bring it up. Refusing to let him back you into a corner to crack you. His nostrils flare, a sharp breath leaving. “I don’t deserve you. It would never work anyway.”

There he is doing it again. Taking back the things he says, leaving you broken. “Well that’s not for you to decide.” Your voice is tense, starting to get upset at where he’s about to go. “How are you feeling?” He’s trying to ignore this conversation. Once you have it there’s no going back.

He can’t sit here and wait for you to leave him. You may be forgiving him now but in the end you will leave him. His mom died to get away from him, his dad would sell him out in a heart beat to get away from him, no one stays. That’s the one thing he learned growing up. The only constant in his life will only be him.

“Don’t ignore me.” You exclaim, your body shooting up to look down at him. “We are having this conversation now. I just want this to be over with.” Your eyes burn him so badly that he has to look behind you at the wall. “I’m not. Just worried about how you feel after what happened.” Liar. You both know he’s not telling the truth

 “Please don’t tell me that you really don’t want anything to do with me. This means something to me.” Your voice is hopeful, wanting him to say he feels the same as you. “Last night was scary until it wasn’t. That’s because I had you. Now please talk to me.” You plead.

Rafe turns his gaze back to you. His red eyes are lined with tears, he knows what he needs to say. It’s just hard for the words to form and make their way out. “This means something to me too.” It’s a whisper, afraid if he says it loudly he’ll wake up from this dream to reality. To a place where you won’t forgive him, a place where he doesn’t have you. “I’m scared you are going to leave me.” He admits, swallowing his pride.

“Why would you think that? Is that how you view me?” Your mind is trying to wrap around his confession. If that’s what he thought of you then you are hurt even more. You could slightly stand the thought of him just not wanting you anymore. The thought of him not trusting you, thinking that you would just leave hurts worse than when you caught him kissing someone else. A panic rises in your body due to your emotions.

Rafe picks up on this, his hand rubbing the arm that is holding you up. Giving you comfort as he speaks. “That’s not what I mean. I just…” He flops on his back to stare at the ceiling. You place a hand on his chest. Returning the sense of safety he gives you. “Everyone leaves me. You know how sad it is that the only person to actually worry about me since my mom died was you? Before her death my dad hated me and it only got worse after. No one has ever liked me and I was okay with that. Then you show up and change everything. I can’t lose that, I won’t be able to handle it.”

You watch each other, letting the words sink in. He’s shocked he even indulged in that conversation, you are just as shocked that he opened up. “So why would that mean I would leave you?” His hand lays on top of the one you kept on his chest. Giving your fingers a squeeze. “It’s inevitable, everyone leaves. Only a matter of time before you realize I’m worth nothing and you leave too. I’m just cursed.” His fingers have a tight hold on you. Using you as his life line, tethering him to the real world as he feels like he’s drowning.

This talk is starting to feel too real for him. Highlighting all of his flaws to put on a talent show for you. A bright spot light shining on a RUN sign to ward you off. You can feel how fast his heart is beating, pounding against his chest. “You are worth something.” Your hand leaves his, cupping his cheek to make him see you. “You Rafe Cameron are worthy of love. I’m sorry no one was smart enough to see it. But I do.” 

Rafe leans up, closing in on you. “You don’t know half of the shit that goes on in my head. I’m not good enough for you. I couldn’t even get this shit right, I’ll only hurt you more.” His hand brushes hair out of your face, tracing your brow and then your lips. “I won’t hurt you. You deserve better than this.”

A tear runs down his cheek and you wipe it. “See that right there just proves you won’t hurt me. I didn’t want to see it at first but you owned your mistake. You ran after me that night and begged me to talk to you. You kept asking me to give you a chance to speak. Then you gave me those flowers with the note and I realized I was shutting you out. I was afraid of you not wanting me and I iced you out.” You take a deep breath before continuing.

“I’m scared too. It’s okay to be scared, we both let it get the best of us. What counts is what we do after. You kept trying, I hope it’s because you care-” “I do. I care.” He interrupts. “See you care and you tried to put in the effort. You even gave me space because you wanted to respect what I wanted. You made a mistake but you are trying to fix it. You might not see it but you are good. You deserve to be loved, don’t punish yourself for something that isn’t your fault.”

His lips crash on yours, stealing the air from your lungs. The kiss is all consuming, devouring you from the inside out. A moan slips out of your mouth, your hand gripping his shoulder. The sound was like an alarm, alerting him of what he was actually doing. He pulls away from you, his hand moving to your chest to put distance between you both. “I’m sorry I shouldn’t have done that.” 

“Stop taking everything back. I want this too, stop running away from us.” There’s some commotion in the hallway but you ignore it. Voices get louder for a second and then fade as they go down the stairs. His eyes catch the pendant on the dainty chain held on your neck. 

He remembers the day he bought it. He had just dropped you off to get the food and stopped at the store. Rafe was walking back to his truck with the bags in his and had to pass the jewelry store. When he got to the front of the shop he looked over and something in him took over. He just had to go inside.

As he walked in, the man behind the counter greeted him. “Are you looking for something specific?” The older man asks. Rafe just shakes his head. “Just looking.” He walks around the store, aimlessly looking at the pieces laying around. He’s not really sure why he came in or why he is even looking at anything. Just when he was going to turn around and leave the store, that's when he saw it.

A dainty necklace that had a sun charm on it. He walks closer to it on instinct, being drawn to it like a beacon. It’s silver, which fits perfectly with the rest of your jewelry, he thinks. The only things you wear is silver, never any gold seen on your skin. “Nice necklace right?” The old man pipes in.

“Huh?” Rafe looks at the guy who is now in front of him. “The necklace. Just got it recently, no one seems to want it.” Rafe looks back down to it. “There a girl you want to get it for.” He just nods, pulling out his wallet without thinking. “Yeah my girl. She uh, she’s like the sun. Thought it would be fitting.”

The man opens the case, taking the piece out for Rafe to see up close. “She must be special then.” Rafe just smiles, looking at the guy as he slides his card over. “You have no idea.” The guy doesn’t move from his spot, looking at the boy that reminded him of when he was younger. “You know it comes with a ring. It was a set this old lady brought in.” He walks over to a different case and pulls the ring out, walking back to the boy. 

“Would you be interested in buying that as well or just the necklace.” Rafe has half a mind to chew the man out for trying to up-sell him. The ring is a band made of silver as well, carvings of a little sun with stars surround the band. His mind is telling him he has no need for the ring. Then the voice in his head stops him, instead of degrading himself it does something different. It reminds him of the car ride, the feeling he had as he looked at you.

He meant it when he said that you were like the sun. A dazzling ray of sunshine personally made for him. You are the greatest thing that’s happened to him in his shitty lifetime. You deserve to feel special too.

“I’ll take them both.” He knows why he got the ring. A part of him deep down knowing that he was falling in love with you. The other part rationalizing the purchase as wanting the old man to fuck off. “You remind me of when I met my wife.” Rafe stops at the door and looks back at the guy who helped him. “I was so in love with her that I bought her an engagement ring a month into seeing her. You just have the same look that I had. I wish you two the best of luck.”

The memory now seems laughable to him. Some random old man could spot how Rafe felt before he could even tell. He only gave you the necklace because he was scared of what he said, he couldn’t have been in love. Leaving the ring in the first drawer on the bedside table. Now he sees just how dumb he really was, he didn’t have anything to worry about. 

“Your love.” That’s all he says to you, leaving you more confused. “What about it?” He chuckles at you, giving you a quick peck. “That’s my favorite song, Your love. I didn’t have one when you asked but I have one now.” This really isn’t helping his case. You sit up fully, looking at him like he’s dumb. He hates that look, especially coming from you. “What the hell does that have to do with any of this? Rafe I’m being serious here, you can’t just keep changing the subject. If you don’t want this anymore just say it.” You kinda feel stupid now. You thought he wanted to work things out, that last night was a step forward in the right direction. But clearly not.

“It’s the song that was playing in the car after Barry’s.” Okay now he’s just getting on your nerves. Who cares what song was playing in the car ride. When you go to speak he puts his hand on your mouth to cover it. “I just couldn’t stop looking at you. You were glowing, so pretty that I couldn’t think straight. My heart felt like it was ready to jump out my chest and my body felt weird. Everything shifted in that moment for me.” His hand lowers, his eyes telling you to not say anything.

“I’ve always had feelings for you, I know that. I’m not dumb. I just thought it was because you didn’t give me the time of day and were so nice. That night when you caught me I figured you would walk away and I got caught up in the moment. Then it escalated and I couldn’t get rid of the taste of you. Every touch was as addicting as the last, I kept craving it. That song, in that moment made me realize how much I actually liked you. Got that necklace right after I left you to get the food. I guess it was my way of telling you I loved you without putting it into words.” 

He said it again, love. Rafe froze the moment his brain caught up to his words. He can’t believe this is how he is saying it. Right after he just figured it out he goes on blurting it to you. Not only that he tells you when you aren’t even together. This is honestly the dumbest he felt and he just said how he isn’t dumb. Good job Rafe.

“Fuck I can’t believe I just said that. Ignore me.” His hands rub his face as he freaks out. Your fingers wrap around his wrist, exposing his face to you. “You said it last night so don’t worry.” You lay down, your chest pressed against his side as he wraps himself around you. “What do you mean?” He plays with the ends of your hair to ground himself. “Last night as you were falling asleep you said you loved me. I just thought it was the drugs and you were out cold after you said it.”

“Oh.” Yeah he has to take his dumb statement back, he definitely is. If he’s already said it then there’s no taking it back, he’s got to commit to it before he chickens out again. “It wasn’t the drugs. Yeah they helped me say it but I meant it. They didn’t make those feelings, they were already there.” You smile, the heaviness you felt being melted away. You move closer to his face.

“Here’s what you missed after you fell asleep. I love you too.” It’s his turn to smile. This one reaches his eyes, creases deepening from the joy. His hand cups your cheeks, thumb caressing your cheek. Pulling you to him, kissing you deeply. Pouring all his feelings into you, hoping you are feeling just an ounce of what he does. He pulls back to talk to you but you have other plans. 

Your lips trail down his neck as he fights to stay level headed. “I meant it when I said I don’t deserve you.” He murmurs into your shoulder, pressing kisses to your skin. You stop, not wanting to move in case this is going in the wrong direction. “But I want to be. I don’t want to be this person anymore. I want to be someone you deserve.”

“I like you the way you are. You don’t have to change for me.” He tugs your hair, coming face to face with your eyes. “I want to do it for me, for us. I don’t like who I am without you, I’m just some addict no one likes. I don’t need to be that anymore, I know I can be different.”

The words seem more for him than they are for you. A way of telling himself that he can get clean and he is worth being with you. “Then I’ll be there every step of the way. I believe in you.” That’s the first time someone has said that to him. He’s been told he was loved before, but not one has believed in him. Now that he’s said he loved you, the feeling keeps bubbling up. 

Like it’s boiling in him ready to spill out once it gets too much. The way you care for him is unsettling due to it being so new, he’s not used to this. But he can get used to the feeling it gives him. The sparks of joy lighting his insides like fireworks.

You lean in and kiss him again, enjoying the feeling of having him close. The days following the incident were awful but they seem worth it now. Some obstacle that needed to be overcome before the two of you could open up. You know for sure that once Ward and Rose got back you would have most likely ended things due to the fear. But losing each other showed you that it’s not what the two of you wanted. You wanted each other.

This kiss was getting heated, your leg bracketing his hips between yours. As you start to grind on him, he stops you. “We should stop.” There’s a knock at the door before you could ask him why. “Who is it?” He shouts towards the door, fingers digging into your flesh as you roll your hips. “It’s Wheeze. Where is she?” You both look at each other not knowing what to do. “She’s not in her room or the house and I know she’s in there.”

Of course she would check everywhere for you. “Go back to your room Wheeze or wherever. I’ll be out shortly.” You answer, trying to get her to leave . “Fine but I better not hear any moaning. Just because I’m okay with this doesn’t mean I want to see it.”

Her footsteps retreat as you giggle. “I want us to take things slow this time. I don’t want to rush in and fuck things up. We should do this properly.” Your fingers drag along his chest, you are still sitting in his lap. “We can do that. Where do we start?” He grins up at you.

“How about a date?”

✶✶✶✶✶✶✶✶✶✶✶✶✶ 

After that morning you had a talk with Wheezie. You and Sarah sat her down to tell her that the night before was not okay. “Wheeze you could have gotten hurt. Someone could have spiked your drink or worse.” You try to reason with her, conveying your worry for the young girl. “I know but nothing happened. I’m fine.” “And if you weren’t? How do you think dad would have reacted if he found out? You would be grounded and out a nanny.” Sarah chimes in, not really making her sister feel any better. “I know you wanted to hang out with your friends but you need to do it safely. Where were they when Sarah found you? You were alone and drunk Wheeze.”

“It wasn’t supposed to go like that. Sure I had a drink or two but I just wanted you to come find me. I thought you would run into Rafe and everything would fix itself. But hey look it worked.” She’s trying to lighten the mood and it ain’t working. You sigh, not knowing what to say. This mess of a night happened all because Wheezie parent trapped you. 

You honestly can’t help but to laugh at the ridiculous thought. “You parent trapped us? Wheeze that’s sweet you cared enough to help us, it really is. But maybe don’t do things that put you in harm's way and give me a heart attack. I was scared when Sarah couldn’t find you and you wouldn’t answer phone calls.” Thinking back at it now she can see how messed up a plan that really is. “It was stupid. I’m sorry for scaring you.”

The rest of the day was simple. Relax around the house as Wheeze was feeling the aftershocks of drinking. Rafe had chilled with you for a little before running off to do lord knows what. But when he got back it was with a single yellow rose and your favorite chocolates. “Thought you could add it to break up the white.” He makes it seem so effortless, as if he has always done this. You don’t understand why he was so worried.

“How about a date on Saturday?” He asks, picking a chocolate to eat. “Sure what are we going to do?” There’s chocolate smeared on his teeth when he answers. “That’s for me to worry about and for you to find out. Now I’m going to go up stairs and shower. Come up and we can watch Bob Burgers or something.” He finishes off with giving you a kiss, walking out like nothing.

You watch as he leaves, a smile displayed. He remembers the small things about you. The foods you like, shows you watch, he sees you. He may not realize it yet but you do deserve him. He can do all of this without you asking, you are used to having to beg for things you want.

Needed new stuff for school beg your parents. When they say no, beg your job for more pay for just that week. First boyfriend, beg him to even notice you when it didn’t come to sex. You had to beg friends to stay in your life even after they hurt you. The last person to care about you in this way has been gone for years. Now a memory you play back to make yourself feel loved. But here he is, the playboy of Kildare, giving you that same love. 

As you make your way to his room you promise yourself one thing. You won’t give up on him, he deserves happiness just as much as you do.

The rest of the week goes similar to that day. You and Rafe would sneak off to spend time with each other. Sharing secret kisses away from prying eyes. Rafe knows that Ward is suspicious, he had made a comment at lunch the other day. “The two of you seem close again.” He stared blankly at his dad. “Just be safe.” It felt like some validation was thrown his way. It’s not like he was trying to hide you but sneaking around made it more fun.

Everyone already knew that whatever happened was water under the bridge, but it seems like you two didn’t get the notice. 

You giggle as Rafe kisses your neck, teasing your bikini straps with his fingers. “Rafe, come one we have to get back. People will start to look for us.” Your words do nothing to stop him. “Let me enjoy my girl. Screw everyone else.” His kisses travel up to your jaw. “Well really can’t screw them if you keep me here.” Rafe knows you are teasing but it rubs him the wrong way.

“You do realize that you’re mine right? Ain’t no way in hell someone else is touching you.” The possessiveness isn’t new but heightened. Since your talk they thought of the other with someone new terrorizes your minds. It’s a new feeling for you, wanting someone to be yours always. To feel a strong sense of anger when thinking of him with someone else. Your arms wrap around his neck, bringing him into a kiss. “I do. As long as you know your mine too.”

“Only yours, baby.” He mumbles on your lips, teeth biting on the lower one to suck in his mouth. “We can go back out now. You go first gotta take care of something.” He nods down to the obvious boner in his pants.  “You know I can help you with that.” You say seductively, fingers brushing against the bulge in his swim trunks. “Let’s wait till after our date tonight, please. Trying to be a gentleman here and treat you right. Plus I don’t put out on the first date.” 

You laugh as you walk away from him.  “No, you just sleep with them before you even ask them out.” You mock him. Leaving Rafe alone to fix his little, well not so little, situation. You grab water from the kitchen before walking back out to the pool. Everyone is there chatting to one another.

A part of the “new” Rafe plan was rebonding with his sisters. Sarah of course was a little wary of the plan but saw how much he actually meant it. She was brought back to when she was little and he would sneak into her room to check for monsters. The little boy who gave her so much comfort was staring at her when he apologized, owning his mistakes and wanting to correct them. Even if she wanted to say no she couldn’t. Even with all of his wrongs he's still her brother and it seems like she’s getting him back.

Wheezie on the other hand was on board once the place was told to her. Being the youngest she doesn’t have many memories with the Rafe before their mom died. The one that was happy and not as broken. She can recall some moments where he cared deeply for her at a young age, barely even an image to see. She never really had issues with him after their mom’s death. Her and Rafe become the background as Sarah was the main event. They connected in a way that they could only understand. She was just happy that Rafe wasn’t as angry as he was before. 

The downside to this plan also meant a new beginning with the pogues, which was hard to do. It took a whole day of you and Sarag convincing everyone that it could work. Which brings you to this right here, pool day. Which is also the same day as your first date. The pogues as well as Topper and Kelce are here. Everyone agreed to be civil for the day, wanting to give Rafe this chance. You don’t know why the pogues said yes but you can’t complain, only happy that they are willing to see the good side of him after all the bad.

It’s been hours of you all getting to know each other. Playing silly games such as never have I ever. It wasn’t till the clock hit four that Rafe realized he hadn’t gotten a moment with you alone. That’s when he dragged you away when no one was looking. That was almost an hour ago, the shame of it all is eating you. Cheeks blushing red as everyone’s eye’s turn to look at you.

They just carry on with conversation, not mentioning what they all knew. You're relieved as you sit down, even more when Rafe sits besides you. His arms wrapping around your shoulder so you are leaning into him. Looking around makes you happy. Rafe has been great all day, no pogue comments or rude remarks. Your friends seem to be having a good time, joking around as if this was a normal day.

The feeling continues as you get ready for your date. Your jams in the shower only improve your mood as you shave. Extending as you pick out your dress, smile so wide your cheeks hurt. You are putting on earrings when there’s a knock on your door. “Come in.” You look in the mirror to see if there are any finishing touches needed. “Wow.” It sounds more like a breath than words. 

“You look beautiful. Maybe we should stay home instead, don’t need people seeing you like this.” He walks in the room, flowers abandoned on your dresser. “Actually nevermind, I want people to see that my girl is taken.” His hands land on your waist, arms hugging you from behind. “Your girl?Taken?” He loves when you tease him. That shit normally pisses him off, yet with you he can’t help but love it. “Yeah my girl. Always been my Sunny.”

He really hasn’t used the nickname much since you told him not to. You miss when he did. Your name doesn’t feel right coming from his lips. It sounds outrageous but it feels wrong. Even the other nicknames he gave you don’t feel the same. “I miss hearing you say that.” You lean further back to look up at him. “Calling you Sunny?” You hmm in reply. He pecks your lips, then nose, cheek, and finally ear. “I miss saying it. Glad to have my Sunny back.”

He twirls you around in his arms. Breaking away only for the two of you to leave the house. The car ride to the mysterious destination seemed to take forever, every turn just adding to the allotted time. As he drives the beach comes to view, waves crashing against the shore. The truck pulls onto a sandy road in between some trees, leading to an isolated part of the beach.

“Found this spot a couple years back. I usually come here when I want to be alone, but I thought it would be perfect for tonight.” The hand on your thigh tightens and releases the flesh. More of a way to ground himself to say that this was real, not a dream. “Why? Want to murder me where no one can see?” Your joke swayed his nerves. The nervous smile replaced with the one you’ve grown to love. “Haha, very funny. If I was going to kill you I would have done it that day on the Druthers.”

You give him a death stare, his dead tone making it seem like he thought of this before. “What? The sea would get rid of all evidence, nice and simple.” He shrugs, putting the truck in park. “Yeah I don’t like that you’ve thought of this before. Maybe I should have shared my location while I had the chance.” He chuckles, pulling you into a kiss. “Too late.” He retorts, getting out the truck to grab the last minute things from the back.

He had set things up the night before. You and Wheezie were having a movie night and he took the time to set up the place. There were fairy lights wrapped around the bare trees, the trunks illuminated by the light. A bouquet of hydrangeas, your second favorite flowers, were in a vase by two trees. It wasn’t a big space, the truck was parked on the road so it didn’t interfere with the layout. It was the perfect amount of space to be on the sand without getting splashed by the waves.

Rafe takes a few blankets out and walks over to where the vase is. You follow picking them up to set out of the way. “Those are for you. Wanted to get you something different than roses to change things up.” He explains as he lays the blankets down. “Thank you, I love them. They are actually my second favorite.” He gives you this little smirk and a wink. “I know.” Then he’s off getting the last item from the truck bed.

How much does he know about you? It’s like he has this book where he writes everything down so he won’t forget. None the less you like how he remembers the small things. It makes you feel important to him. 

You look to see him walking over to you with a basket. Raising it up, he shows the basket off to you. The other hand was holding a bottle of champagne and two glasses. “You didn’t have to do all of this. We could have just stayed in or got food.” He sits down next to you, placing everything on the blankets. “I wanted to do this. Saw somewhere that your actions speak louder or some shit like that.” Even when he pretends not to care he does 

“You’re really good at this.” Rafe watches you from the side of his eye as he takes out the snacks he packed. “What are you talking about?” He moves the basket once everything is laid out, reaching for a strawberry to take a bite. He brings the strawberry to your lips.You take  nibble, the sweetness of the fruit sitting on your tongue. “The whole relationship thing.” You swallow what you had in your mouth. Rafes eyes watch as your tongue chases and remnites on your lips.

“It’s just you care. You get me my favorite flowers, snacks, it makes me feel special.” “You are special.” You smile at him. “So are you. I just need you to know that I appreciate the effort you are putting in. Especially today with the pogues, it meant a lot to me.” He’s leaning on his side as he listens to your words. Soaking in the praise, relishing in the feeling it gives him. “I meant it when I said I want to change. I know they're important to you, so that makes them important to me. Plus they aren’t that bad, I guess.”

The rest of the night was filled with small talk. Taking the time to know each other better. It was easy to get in the rhythm of sharing information, knowing the other can’t judge. He tells you about every negative thing his dad has done. How he feels useless in his life, that he doesn’t know who to be if it’s not done with anger. In return, you tell him about what it was like living with your parents. The constant pressure to be perfect and bring them money. How after your grandmother died every sense of a normal childhood was taken from you. 

Rafe listens as you divulge your inner demons. Wanting to go to your house to yell at how stupid your parents are. How they should be ashamed of treating you like some cash cow. He realizes you two aren’t so different. Both had different experiences but still the same outcome. A home that never loved you. “Have they talked to you sin-” “No. They refuse to answer all of my texts.”

You are both laying on your backs, heads turned to the other. His hand closest to you grabs yours. Pulling it to his mouth he gives it a peck,resting it back down again. “Then you don’t need them. You have me and I have you. Plus my family loves you so the family part is covered. You’ll always have us.” You tear up, emotions bubbling up in you. “You can’t promise that.”

Rafe scoots closer, hugging you to his chest. “Yes I can.” It was a promise. A way of letting you know this is the long haul for him. He’s always known that you were different by the way you were with everyone. Always been drawn to you in some way, something in him not able to get enough of you. He realized that he can’t be without you during the time you ignored him. He’ll be damned if he has to go a lifetime without your love.

You start to kiss his neck, softly biting the skin with your teeth. “It’s our first date.” Your words are mumbled. “Good observation there babe.” His eyes shut, the sensation of your lips on his skin sending shivers down his spine. “You said after our date.” You remind him. His chuckle causes vibrations on your lips.

“Couldn’t even wait till we got home, just have to have me now. Hmm?” He pulls you over him, your hips slotted with his. Using your hips, he drags you back and forth over his dick. Your clit keeps catching the seam of his pants. “Such a little slut for my dick that you want to fuck me out in the open. Fucking me in the car wasn’t enough?” You moan out. No it wasn’t enough. None of him will ever be enough for you, entranced by the mere thought of him. “Never enough.” You moan again as he leans up, his lips meeting the exposed flesh on your chest. Leaving marks over your chest so he can enjoy the look of them later. “Get up.”

Your hands fly to his shoulders pushing him back. “What?” You stare down at him, trying to see if you crossed a line somehow. “We’re doing it right this time around. The first time we have sex again isn’t going to be on a deserted part of the beach. It’s going to be in my bed or yours. I really don’t care which one.” You huff at him, your breath causing some hairs to fly around. “Well maybe I don’t care about that. Maybe I want you here, right now.” 

Rafe is about to give in, only really wanting to make you happy. Willing to let go of the plan he had of showering you properly for your first date. Then you see the look in his eyes, sort of disappointed his plans are being skewed. “Okay, okay.” You say as you get up and reach a hand out. “You better drive fast or we might have to settle for the car again.”

You meant it when he said he needs to be fast. You were down the street when your hands were gripping him through his shorts. Lips peppering kisses along his neck. Rafe was relieved when he put his truck in park. Throwing to doors open and tossing you over his shoulder as he walks into the house. “Put me down silly.” He ignores you and makes his way up the stairs to his room.

You’re grateful that everyone in the house isn’t up. It’s close to twelve so most likely they are all sleeping. Rafe kicks his door open and then shut once you are in. You let out a squeal when he discards you on his bed. “Take your dress off now.” He commands, taking his shirt and shoes off. “Yes sir.”

Taking the dress off you are left in your white lingerie on display. He lets out a whistle, placing himself on top of you on the bed. “A perfect little angel.” He kisses up your stomach, stopping at your breasts to suck on them through the cups. “If only god knew what a whore you really are.” He bites one of your nipples, a shocked yelp forcing its way out of your throat. 

“Shhh. We have to be quiet, don’t want to wake them up.” Now that he thinks of it, he should have said yes when you wanted to stay on the beach. At least he would be able to hear the way you moan for him better. He pulls the cups down, nipples pebbling due to the air. 

Your hands work his pants and boxers down, leaving him naked. Next thing to go were your panties. Really they were only pushed off to the side so his fingers can touch you. You’re soaked, his fingers coated in your juices. He swirls them around, teasing your clit before pushing a finger in. A little impatient he adds another, staring as your mouth hangs open.

“There you go, beautiful. Such a good girl.” You haven’t been touched like this since that day on the Druthers. At first you were too heartbroken to do anything. Then too caught up with making up to even think about masturbating. It’s been a while and you are so wound up you could explode. With one last pump of his fingers you do, squelching noises filling the room.

“Rafe. Oh fuck, right there.” You had no time to recover when he was pushing himself in. He couldn’t wait anymore, his dick was aching to be inside you. This is probably the worst time to be so riled up. He’s been trying to make things better with you that he neglected himself. He couldn’t even think about touching himself this whole time. But now that he’s here, feeling your walls clamp around him he knows he fucked up. 

“Fuck… oh fuck.” He encases your body, his forehead on your shoulder. His arms wrap you, bringing your body closer to his as he nails dig into your back. You match his actions, nails dragging on his back, welts rising as you go. His lips can’t stay off of you, kissing any part of you he can get. Your mind is fixated on the feeling of his hips meeting yours.

Rafe’s perfectly huge dick piercing you g-spot over and over again. The two of you are just a mess of words. None of them are even audible yet you still understand the other. “God Sunny.” His fingers get deeper in your flesh, pain increasing your pleasure. “I’m not going to last long.”

Your left hand holds Rafe’s head. “Please.” His hips pick up pace, hurdling the two of you to your ends. You try to switch your positions, wanting to send him over the edge faster. “No no. Want to see your face. Need to see my pretty girl.” His moans are mixing with yours. The only thing that can be heard in the room is skin hitting skiing and your moans. “It’s okay baby. Fill me.” That was the end of him. He moans loudly as he fills you, his release triggering yours. Slowly rocking his hips to watch you awe stocks face for longer.

Rafe lays motionless on you, the orgasim of his life taking everything out of him. Your arms hold him to you, not wanting to let him go. “Shit that was amazing.” His words tickle you, air following them as they leave to dance on your skin. “Tell me about it.”

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It’s been a month since your first date. When Rafe said slow he sure was not kidding. You would fool around when you can but really haven’t had the chance to fully sleep together. Every time you try he finds a reason why you shouldn’t. The furthest you got was when you gave him a blowjob and he ate you out. It’s been a whole month of tiptoeing around to not get caught.

Everyone knows now that you two are practically together. Ward is thankful that the issue is over and you have passed it. He can see Rafe changing, no more fights around the island. But more importantly no more drugs. Rafe quit after you gave him another chance, not fully at first but he got there. Ward was surprised not taking it seriously at first, as time went on he couldn’t deny it. Rafe actually was doing good for the first time in years.

The relationship between Rafe and his sisters had also improved. They spend time together without you now, not for long but they no longer argue. He even hung out with John B, JJ, and Pope alone. Everyone was shocked to see the boys all in one piece. You could say the only issue right now is once again what you and Rafe are.

You know you are exclusive. He had made that clear the night after your date. Saying how he won’t let anyone else get in the way. There was never a conversation about if you are boyfriend and girlfriend. No confirmation that you were fully together. It’s been eating away at you but you want to respect him taking things slow. Which was all fine until the party that happened tonight. 

Rafe was still selling with Barry even though he decided to spot doing drugs. He was going to the party to help push some coke and pills to all of the kooks. Instead of leaving you at home he asked you to go with. “Just come along. We can sit on some couch the whole night.” In truth he just didn’t want to be in a party setting alone. It’s one thing to stay away from drugs when he’s at home, at a party it’s different. 

If he was there by himself he would fall back into temptation. He can still feel the need to get high at times, missing the way it made him numb. Sometimes being sober is too much for him, having to take a few hits of a joint to calm the nerves. Weed and alcohol are the only things he allows himself, since he knows he can control those urges. He needs you there for moral support.

The party was in full swing when you reached the house. Rafe pushes through the house, hand in yours to guide you. He found a couch in the back easily and set up shop. Kook would come by asking for some coke, exchanging cash for a little baggy. Some would sit on the chairs next to the couch and take bumps right there. Others just take their goods and leave. 

Two hours into the party Rafe goes off to the bathroom leaving you alone. The only instructions he gave was to tell anyone who wants to buy to come back later. Which wasn’t a problem, then some guy walked up. “How much for a baggy?”

You look up from your phone to see your ex from highschool. “Ben?” He smiles at you. “Long time no see. Didn’t know that you started selling drugs.” He sits down next to you, leaving arms length of space. “No my… uh no I don’t sell.” You don’t know what to call Rafe. You wanted to say boyfriend but you aren’t really sure.

“Hey.” Rafe’s voice snaps you out of your thoughts. You smile at him but see that he isn’t looking at you. His eyes are trained on Ben. “Hey man. Looks like we got to wait, apparently this saint doesn’t sell.” Ben’s comment pisses Rafe off. “Well I hope not. She would take me out of business.” He’s trying to keep his cool, not wanting to lose his temper after working hard on it.

“Wait, you're the one selling?” Ben asks, he went off to college in a different state so he hasn’t been around much. He doesn't know a lot about Rafe after highschool or you for that matter. Rafe nods at the guy, tossing him a baggy and telling him the price. Ben says your name. “Do you know this guy?” You can’t get the words out since Rafe is answering for you. “Yeah she does. I’m her boyfriend.” 

You look at Rafe, eyes expressing how you feel. When you get happy there’s these golden specks that get brighter. He doesn’t even notice as he and Ben stare at each other. “Wow. Never expected this when we broke up.” The money he was handing over was snatched by Rafe. He wants to punch him in his stupid face. “Yeah well never thought you would cheat on me. I guess we just didn’t know each other.”

The anger Rafe is feeling intensifies. His eyes meet yours, as if you could read his emotions you shake your head. Instead of acting out he gathers the rest of the drugs laying out. Putting them away and grabbing your hand. “Come on baby. Let’s go home.” You try to protest. “Wait, don't you have to sell more?” “Nah go all I needed.” 

Rafe drags you out the house and into the truck. Driving to Tanny hill in silence. “Rafe?” He doesn’t say anything, only focusing on the road. His grip on the wheel is making his knuckles white. “Ray.” The new nickname surprises the two of you. He pulls into the drive-way and sits there. “Ray? That’s new.”

“I don’t know why I said it. Just you call me Sunny and a ray is associated with that. Thought it would be cute, but I don't know.” You feel a little self conscious now. “I like it.” He assures. The truck is silent after. You’re waiting for him to open up to you. “I got jealous.” There it is.

“I know.” He sighs. “You said you were my boyfriend.” He gives you this look. “Yeah no shit. I am.” He doesn’t get why that would be a problem. “You never asked.” Rafe looks at you before laughing. “Fuck I thought it was a given. Just assumed you knew I wanted you to be mine.” Now it’s your turn to laugh. “You’re such a dumbass. You need to ask a girl these things. I’ve been losing my mind over this.”

He gives you a kiss. “Will you be my girlfriend?” The words brush your lips. “Yeah I will.” You kiss him again. Not feeling his hand move around or his body shifting in a weird way. Pulling back something catches your eye. You glance down to see a ring. “What is that?” Rafe grabs your hand and puts the ring on your middle finger. “Got it the same day as the necklace. Was too scared to give it to you at first. This time around I won’t let it get to me. I promise I’m here for the long haul.”

The ring is beautiful, one of the nicest things you own now. Smiling at the boy in front of you, you realize how deep this really goes. Glad that you aren’t the only one who feels the same. “For the long haul.”

[writingroom21]

The Nanny

Pairing: Rafe x Nanny Reader

Summary: Being Wheezie's nanny was great. The only downside was dealing with the oldest Cameron, Rafe. What happens when his fascination with the nanny becomes a reality?

Warnings: Angst, hurt, slight mentions of toxic family, (let me know if I missed any)

Wc: 6.2K

A/N: I'm sorry in advance for any heart ache

Chapter 6: Living for a Sunny day

“Who was that?” Sofia asks. Rafe just stands there watching you walk off, looking around meeting the eyes of everyone watching. A hand lands on his chest, the voice swatting the haze away in his mind. “Rafe, who was that?” He looks down to look at Sofia, he notices how her eyes don’t have the same golden flecks yours do. He searches her face trying to find something that would chase the thoughts of you out of his mind. Coming up short Rafe takes her hand off his chest, moving out of her grasp. “I gotta go.”

“Are you serious right now? You’re just going to run off to some other chick?” Sofia’s words rub Rafe the wrong way. Couldn’t she see that she was the other chick not the other way around. “Yeah I am. She’s not the other chick you are.” Rafe starts to chase after you, the bodies of people making it hard to get through. When he gets to the parking lot he can’t find your car. Knowing that you are probably home he gets in his truck, racing out to the street. The car ride was filled with silence, the only noise coming from his thoughts that won’t stop.

How could you fuck this up? This is why you are worthless, can’t even stop yourself from being stupid. Worthless that’s all he is. Not enough for his fathers love, his sisters, now you, he will never be good enough. His fist slaps on the wheel, the coke in his system fueling the rage he already feels inside him. The lights of the streets are just blurs due to how fast he’s going, not caring that he could be pulled over. He needs to see you. At least explain to you why he did it. You have to understand right? 

Tanny Hill comes into view, all the lights are out making him more nervous. Getting inside the house he doesn’t hear anything but your car is still in the driveway. The walk to the front door to the second floor where your room is takes forever. At the top of the stairs he can hear some music, so faint that it barely caught his attention. He knocks on the door then again when you don’t answer. “Please open the door. We need to talk.” Silence. The only sign of life on the other side coming from your music. Rafe jiggles the door knob, trying to force his way in. “Come on sunny open the fucking door.” Nothing.

Rafe’s fist starts pounding on the door, the other still trying to open it. “Open this fucking door right not. I swear to god I will knock it off its hinges.” His voice is shouting now, his side making contact with the door. “It didn’t even mean anything. Are you really going to just ignore me over something so fucking stupid.” The more you ignore him, the harder it is for him to keep his cool. He kicks the door only stopping once he hears you crying. Placing his forehead on the door he takes a deep breath. “Please, baby. Just…just open the door.” 

On the other side you are curled in a ball, hands over your ears trying to block the noise out. Flashbacks to when your father would yell at you come rushing back. Every argument playing in your head only makes the tears worse. “Please.” It sounds so pathetic, the pleading in his voice. He’s like a little kid again, begging his dad to love him, to show him any ounce of compassion after his mother died. “Please don’t leave me Sunny.” He stands there for a few minutes, waiting to see if you will finally open the door for him. When he realizes that you won't, he breaks.

Tears well in his eyes as he backs up, going to his room to regulate himself. The door slams behind him, shaking the frame. Rafe’s pacing around, his hand digging into his head, slapping himself to get out of this. Nothing works. The tears are now falling, staining his cheeks before he has a chance to wipe them away. Walking further into the room he notices something on his bedside table, it was empty this morning just a picture frame on it. Walking close he sees it’s the necklace. He picks it up, the burning in his eyes and throat intensifying. He slams the necklace back down, grabbing the frame and throwing it against the far wall. “FUCK!” He goes around the room, grabbing whatever he can just to throw it. Thinking if he can’t let the anger out everything will be fine in the morning.

The room is a mess. Broken glass liters the floor, stabbing into the soles of his shoes but he doesn’t care. He lays in his bed, the same sheets for when you both slept there. They still smell like you. He grabs the pillow you slept on, hugging it to his chest to get some comfort in you. Knowing that what he did would change the relationship for the worst. He falls asleep wishing that the night never happened, that he just waited for you instead of going to the bonfire by himself. No matter how much he wished for it, nothing will change. In the morning he will still be the failure he always was.

You wait until you can’t hear anything from the other end of the hall. Slowly getting up you start to pack a bag. Throwing whatever you can find into it and quietly leave your room. You sneak past his room down the stairs willing your footsteps to be quiet enough so he won’t hear. Making it out of the house you race to your car, starting it and leaving before he notices that you left. You can’t go back home, you still haven’t talked to your parents after you said you won’t be given them money. The texts you sent were left unanswered letting you know that you don’t have a place there anymore. If you’re honest you only think they kept talking to you because you would give them everything they asked. 

You just drive not really knowing where you will go. You guess that sleeping in the car would be fine but you would rather not have cops knocking on your window and running off to tell Ward. The next thought is Sarah. She’s most likely at John B’s with the rest of the pogues. Before you even know it you are parked in front of his house, then out the car and knocking on the door. If anyone saw the tears on your face they didn’t mention it, welcoming you with open arms.

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The sun creeps in through the windows, beaming down on your face waking you up. The first thing you notice is the lumpy couch you were sleeping on. Then the dull headache forming behind your eyes, dehydrated from all of the crying. Finally you hear their voices, all of them talking in the kitchen as John B makes the gang something to eat. Your body just lays there, not wanting to get up and face the music. Last night memories flooding into your thoughts. Rafe’s hands all over Sofia, the way he agreed to leave with her. As if he wasn’t just in you a few hours before. Like he didn’t tell you how much he hated the thought of you with someone else. It’s his game isn’t it? He makes a girl feel special and once he’s done with her he’s onto the next. You weren’t any different from them. Why you thought he changed will just continue to be a mystery.

“Sleeping Beauty is up.” JJ’s voice carries into the living room. “Dude shut up.” Kie swats the backside of his head. “Damn my bad.” JJ replies while rubbing where she hit him. You sit up on the couch bringing your legs to your chest as the group makes their way over to you. “Hi.” your voice is weak, it doesn’t even sound like you. They all sit around you, Sarah handing you a glass of water and a plate of scrambled eggs and bacon. “Sorry, don't really have much around the place.” You just smile at the Routledge boy thanking him for the food.

“What happened?” Sarah asks. “No, I don’t wanna talk about it.” Everyone just looks at you, sharing glances. “Well, something had to have happened. You came here at 2 o’clock in the morning crying and asking me if you could stay the night something had to happen.” Sarah urges not wanting to press but she’s worried about you. She’s never seen you that upset, the closest time being after a fight with your parents. Even then you refused to talk about it. JJ swings an arm around the back of the couch, his hands rubbing your shoulder. “Come on princess, you can tell us what happened. We don’t bite… unless you are into that.” He winks at you. “Dude really.” Pope chimes in, nudging JJ’s leg with his foot. “What did Rafe do something again?” You scoff “What makes you think it was Rafe?” You argue the words not convincing you as they hit your ears. “Well, do I have to remind you about what happened at the country club? It’s like you two are seeing each other or something.” The room gets quiet, everyone expecting your answer but it never comes. “Oh my God please don’t tell me you slept with Rafe” Sarah asks. 

You shrink into yourself trying to hide from their prying eyes. “I didn’t think you’d get this far you know I just thought it was like something fun then it just got better. He just seemed like he actually cared about me. It’s stupid I just thought that it was different, you know?” No one knows what to say. Rafe’s history is no secret, the whole island knows how much of a womanizer he is. They just never expected for you to fall into the same trap, especially after seeing how it never worked. “What did he do?” Kie asks. “I caught him making out with some girl at the bonfire last night.” The room gets silent again. They share looks trying to find something to say to make you feel better. “So you are telling me that after the scene he caused at the club he still fucked this up. Fucking dumbass.” 

“Dude” Everyone yells. “Jayj really? That wasn’t necessary.” Kie says as she sandwiches herself between you and JJ. Putting distance between you and his dumb comments. “What? We are all thinking about it. Like come on, he finally gets a chance with her and he goes and hookup with another girl. It’s just so stupid.” He’s right it is stupid. A tear falls down your face and you wipe it. “Jayj is right, it’s stupid.” Sarah sits on the other side of you, pulling you into a hug. “It’s not stupid. Your feelings are never stupid.” Sarah rationalizes, wanting you to know it’s okay to let yourself feel something.

“He just seemed so different. Everything he was saying and doing made me really think he felt something for me.” You pause, taking a sip of water to drown the lump in your throat. “For fucks sake we were with each other for days. I told him things I haven’t told other people.” A sob breaks your sentence. Your emotions winning over causing you to break down in Sarah’s arms. “I know. He always seemed different around you. I’ve never seen him chase a girl the way he chased you.” Kie thinks she’s helping but it only hurts worse. If others saw a difference then what changed? Why would he act like he wanted more only to take that away. To break you in a way no one has managed.

“Want to know what I think?” Pope breaks the silence. “I don’t think you having feelings for him is stupid. You took his actions as him caring for you, there’s nothing wrong with that. He’s the stupid one. He’s going to have to live with the fact that he lost the one person who actually gave him a chance.” He stops for a second, finally looking at you. “He’s going to live with that forever. You are going to find someone better and never think about him again.” You smile are him, the tears blurring out his features. You can make out a shy smile, telling he’s nervous for voicing his thoughts. “Thank you Pope.” You laugh, wiping your tears. 

Pope is definitely the smartest out of everyone in this room. But he just found one thing he was wrong about. It doesn’t matter what pain you are feeling at this moment. It can be ten years down the line and you will still think about this. Every memory of him will always find its way to creep back in. His smile will forever be imprinted in your memories. Remembering all the times you were the cause of it. No matter how much you hate Rafe, a piece of you will always love him, and will always miss him. 

You pick at the food as you listen to them talk. Happy that they are finally letting it go. When you finish you take your plate to the sink, giving it a rinse before setting it down. “Hey want to go out to the marsh? We can go swimming and have a few beers.” John B shouts out to you. It doesn’t sound like a bad plan. It could be good to go out and actually have fun with some friends. “Sure why not?” The group all cheer, getting up to get ready. You borrowed a bikini from Sarah since you didn’t want to go back to the house. There’s slight bruising on your neck, the hickies Rafe left now starting to fade. You brush your fingers over them before throwing on some clothes, letting your hair down to cover them up. 

All of you make your way out to the dock, hopping into the boat and sailing off. The weather was beautiful today. The sun was shining and the temperature was perfect, hot but not to the point of suffocating you. “How many beers do you think I can down before dropping off the side of the boat?” JJ laughs, pouring beer into his mouth. Most of it didn’t make it in but it's the thought that counts. “Dude come on. You're going to waste all the beers before we can even drink them.” John B shouts. The waters ripples as the boat keeps pushing further into the marsh. It’s been a while since you’ve been out here.

The last time had to be with some friends in high school, yet again even that was very few. It was hard to get time alone with friends when you were working all the time. Everyday was school, work, homework, and sleep. On the rare occasions that you did have a day off it was usually spent helping out your parents. Cleaning up around the house while they were out doing god knows what. Or worse having to help your dad down from whatever high he was on as your mom ignores it. Thinking if she doesn’t pay attention then it isn’t a problem. 

Looking around at the group in front of you is refreshing. There’s not a single person here who wants something from you or expects you to be perfect. They just want you to be you. “Whatcha thinking about.” Sarah grabs your attention as she sits next to you, handing you a beer. “Nothing really. Just glad to have all of you.” She smiles at you, leaning back a little to let the sun warm her face. “He’s an idiot you know.” You both know who she’s talking about, yet neither one of you dare to say his name. “It’s okay Sarah.” It’s all you can really say, nothing else comes to mind. “No, I mean it. He spent the past year trying to get with you and now look at this. You always seemed to make him better. It’s a shame he let that go.” You just stare at her, words failing to form on your tongue. “Plus having you as a sister-in-law would have been pretty cool.”

You both giggle, the tension from your body leaving. It would have been cool being a part of her family. Maybe not with Ward he likes you but he would probably want better for the older Cameron. The rest of the family had no issues welcoming you in. It would have been nice to be a part of a family who actually cares about you, you still are but it’s different. The boat comes to a stop, JJ throws the anchor overboard to keep the boat in place. “Alright everyone, gather around this is your fun guide speaking. Today we have a very special activity for a very special guest. Today we will be getting smashed and partying till we drop.” JJ shouts, throwing off his clothes before jumping in the water.

“Hey smartass! Sorry to break it to you but we definitely don’t have enough beer to get smashed and we aren’t throwing a party.” John B shouts back at JJ. “Come one man. Can’t you just let me live my life. Trying to set a mood here.” They all laugh at the blonde boy ignoring his complaints. “Gross set the mood with someone else Jayj.” Sarah jokes sticking her tongue out at him. The rest of the afternoon was spent like that.

All of you joke around as you swim and drink, relaxing for the day with each other. By the time the sun is starting to set you realize you haven’t thought about Rafe once. Well now you are but it’s good that you can live your life without having a thought of him for a while. Everyone is back on the boat now, going back due to the lack of food that was brought. By lack of food you mean the no food that was brought.  The boat ride to Kie’s parents restaurant wasn’t long. All of you quite, too hungry to even speak to one another.

John B parks the boat and you all hop out, walking up the dock to get through the back of the restaurant. “Hey mom.” Kie calls out. “Hey sweetie.” Anna answers from behind the counter. “Let me guess free food?” She eyes the rest of you behind Kie. “I mean it's going to be thrown out at the end of the night. This way we aren't wasting more food than necessary.” Anna just looks at her for a second. She sighs making her way towards the kitchen. “Mike, fire up some food for Kie and her friends please.” SHe turns back to all of you. “Go on and sit. I’ll bring it out once it’s ready.” You all cheer, finding empty seats and sitting in them.

You are all chatting when you hear someone clear their throat behind you. Your shoulders tense for a moment, scared that it’s Rafe. But once you turn around you see that it’s Topper. “Hey.” He says. “Uh hey Topper what's up?” You ask, confused on why he’s talking to you. Your interactions with him consist of when him and Sarah were dating and the few times you ran into him when he’s with Rafe. Besides that the two of you don’t talk. “I was wondering if I could talk to you for a second. Privately.” He looks at the group and then at you. 

“Why do you need to talk to her?” Kie asks, squinting her eyes at him. “It’s okay Kie.” You reassure her then look back at the boy. He looks so out of place standing there all awkwardly. “Yeah we can go out the back.” You say while getting up. Topper follows you as you make your way to the outdoor seating area. “How are you doing? You know after last night.” He asks. You just roll your eyes at him, crossing your arms over your chest. “I’m doing great. Realized I was making a fool of myself but doing good.” He winces at your words. He watched as you left crying last night, then watched as Rafe came running by a few minutes later.

It wasn’t till later on in the night he really found out what happened. Him and Kelce sharing a look once they realized that their earlier conversation actually had an impact on Rafe. Topper actually felt bad for you. He may not have known you well but he did know how sweet you were. When him and Sarah were dating she would always rave about you. Rafe did too but it was always underlined with some infatuation with you. But the way he spoke about you at the bonfire was different then before, he was defensive over you as if he really cared about you.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know that’s where he ran off to.” You don’t want to hear the excuses, tired of being lied to. “It’s okay you don’t have to defend him.” Topper cuts you off before you can say anything else. “I’m not trying to defend him, I swear. I just thought he went off to do lines of coke or something. He was literally telling us about you before he went off. I really didn’t know.” It seems like he’s telling the truth, he doesn’t have a reason to lie. “It doesn’t matter. He did what he did and nothing will change it.” Your arms go to hug yourself, needing some comfort. 

“He was looking for you earlier. He’s been running around the whole island trying to find you.” Toppers words short circuit your brain. He was looking for you? “Why?” your eyes are trained to the ground not wishing that the ground will swallow you up. “He wants to talk I guess. Said that you don’t have the full story or something like that.” You scoff. “Full story? I caught him making out with a girl just hours after we were together. Just after he told me he doesn’t like seeing me with other guys. He just wanted me to be fully his while he could go do whatever he wanted. I don’t need to hear his excuses and you can tell him that.” 

As you walk away Topper calls out to you one last time. “At least let him know you’re alive. He’s been freaking out because all his calls go straight to voicemail and you aren’t answering his texts. He fucked up, I get that but he’s genuinely scared that you’re hurt. I’ve never seen him like this.” You pause and look at him. “I didn’t have my charger with me last night. My phone is probably dead right now.” With that you go back into the restaurant finding that the food has already been brought out.

You sit down at the table, everyone watching as you start to eat your burger. “What did he want?” Pope asks, sipping his water. “Take a wild guess.” You snap back, inhaling sharply once you hear your tone. “Sorry I didn’t mean to be rude.” Pope reaches a hand over the table, grabbing yours and giving it a tight squeeze. “It’s okay. We won’t talk about it again.” Their conversation drowns out, your thoughts too loud to hear what is going on in the outside world. You didn’t even realize you had finished your food or that everyone was waiting on you. 

“Why don’t we head back? It’s getting late.” Sarah suggests, her eyes watching you as you gather your things without a word.Throughout the whole process of getting back you are quiet, Topper's words still ringing in your head. He doesn’t truly care that you were gone, he only cared that he couldn’t lie his way out of this mess. Rafe knows that this is over, that last night was the breaking point of the relationship. That’s why he’s scared, he’s scared because nothing will dig him out of the hole he made for himself.

“You can stay the night again if you want. I really don’t mind, I can even kick JJ out of the other room so you can have a bed.” You look at John B as you walk towards the house. “It’s okay really. Ward, Rose, and Wheezie are getting back tomorrow anyway. It would be weird if I wasn’t home when they got there.” There would be questions if you weren’t there, Wheezie would hound you until you told her. As much as it hurts, you could never bring her or the rest of them into this mess. Not only for the safety of your job but more importantly for Rafe. If they found out what he did they would just chastise him further. He may have done bad things but deep down he’s not a bad person.

“If that’s what you want then okay. But call us if you need anything.” He pulls you into a hug, letting go and walking into the house. You go inside and grab your bag, saying a quick goodbye to everyone and heading to your car. Once inside you just sit there, willing yourself to start the engine and drive back to Tanny. After what seems like forever you gain the courage to finally start the car, if only it had the same plan. You twist the key, the car starts to make a weird noise. It sounds like it's starting, the rumbling of the engine goes, then it stops to make a clunking noise. “You have got to be kidding me.” You mumble under your breath, resting your forehead on the wheel. You try your key again and the same thing happens, only this time louder and worse. 

A knock on your window startles you, jumping back and grabbing your chest and you see that it's JJ. You open the door and he stands there leaning on it and the roof of the car. “Having car trouble princess?” Funny you think. “No shit sherlock.” You mumble. You guess it’s a good thing that you’ve been saving for a new car. The money can now go into fixing this hunk of junk. “Come on, I can give you a ride. I heard you tell John B you should be home for tomorrow.” He grabs you to drag you out the car, getting your bag and slamming the car door. “Really?” “My bad the door just slipped.” He raises his hands up in surrender.

JJ walks over to his bike, handing you his helmet and getting on. You take it from him, placing it on and clumsy hopping on the back. “Gotta hold on to me tight unless you want to fall off.” Your arms wrap around his waist, squeezing him really tight, probably more than needed. “Jesus gonna kill me with that grip. Relax a little would ya.” You do as he says. Once he is satisfied enough he starts the bike and is racing off.

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Rafe has been freaking out all day. He woke up this morning and ignored the mess in his room, going straight to your door. He knocked, waiting a second before knocking again. “Sunny it’s me. Can we please talk?” He tries to open the door, happy to find that it wasn;t locked like last night. Relief washed over him as he opened it up, glad you finally came to your senses. That all vanishes when he sees that the room is empty. Your bed was slightly messy but the covers were still fully on so you hadn’t slept there. There were a few articles of clothing that were tossed around. Everything was in place, the only thing missing was you. 

At first he thought you were just down stairs, already starting your day but when he got down there he couldn’t find you. Looking out the front door he sees your car is also gone. That’s when the panic startles to fully set in. You were gone, just picked up your things and left. There’s an ache that starts to form in his chest, his breathing getting shorter as his shaky hands get his phone to dial your number. The first ring goes through, the second cut short by your voicemail. “Sorry I couldn’t come to the phone right now. Text me if you need me, bye!” Your voice plays through his phone speakers. “Fuck!”

He starts to spam you, every call going straight to voicemail, his texts going unanswered. He’s been driving around the whole island looking for you and nothing. Every bad thought starts to race in his head. What if you got hurt? There’s creeps out there, if you left in the middle of the night they could have gotten to you. Or worse, you got in some accident and no one knows where you are. You could be dead in a ditch somewhere. Every new theory sends him down a deeper spiral. All his thoughts pointing to you being dead and truly leaving him. He can handle you hating him because he would know you’re safe. But he can’t handle you being gone, he can’t go through this again.

A water drop hits Rafe’s check, then another, a sob making its way through. He’s pacing around the house, tears freely falling. His fear of losing you brings back the memories of his mom. Watching day after day as she got worse, the doctors not doing anything to save her. He’s eight all over again begging his mom to not leave him, for her to get better, singing her the lullaby she sang to him. She was the first person to ever love him, to show him that he was worth something. Once she died she became the last one. Ward blamed him for everything, the fact that he had his mothers features making Ward’s hatred for him worse.Wheezie and Sarah never treated him badly but he knew they were afraid of him. 

When Rose came into the picture things took a turn for the worse. He hated that his dad could move on so quickly, as if his mother meant nothing to him at all. Rose tried to be nice but shortly stopped after realizing that Rafe would never like her. Everyone on the island either hated him or was afraid of him, no one took a chance on him. That was until you. You came into his life with that beautiful smile and kind words. You turned the world around every time you talked to him. Never once showing fear or disgust like everyone else. It was like he wasn’t Rafe Cameron the island's basket case, he could be who he wanted with you. But he’s fucked it all up.

His pity party was cut short when the sounds of a motorcycle made its way into the house. He rushes to the front door swinging it open to be greeted by the sight of you on the back of JJ Maybanks motorcycle. His blood runs hot as he watches you get off handing him the helmet and hugging him. Rafe can’t hear what’s being said but he doesn’t like how close the two of you are right now. Hypocritical but he doesn’t care. He watches as you turn around the smile dropping from your face when you see him. There was a sinking feeling in his stomach, bile threatening to leave him.

As you get closer you just stare at the floor walking past him into the house without a word. “Sunny.” Rafe’s voice shakes as he calls for you. “Don’t call me that!” You shout at him continuing to walk to the stairs. “Please can we just talk.” He pleads as he follows you. “There’s nothing to talk about Rafe. What’s done is done.”You look at him over your shoulder, he looks so fragile. “Please baby. I need you to talk to me. FUCK! Yell for all I care, please.” He sobs, hands grabbing your arm as you try to  walk up the steps. “I can’t keep going on like this. I-' You turn around to face him. “You what? Huh? You thought ‘hey I had enough of her time to fuck some other slut’ Or was it ‘I have her wrapped around my finger. She’s so dumb that she’ll let me fuck other girls.’” You didn’t realize how close you got.

You're practically staring up at him. “No, I swear” His eyes red as tears streak down his checks. “Fuck! Why can’t you just listen to me! I’m trying…” “You’re trying? Are you fucking kidding me? So let me get this straight, you fuck me practically every day as id I’m this sex toy for you. Then you go out and make out with these other girls as if you weren’t just cumming in me. If thats you trying, you fucking me and others is you trying?” Tears well up in your eyes and your voice cracks at the end. Rafe starts pacing around with his arms wrapping around his head. He’s mumbling but nothing is audible. “If that’s you trying then it’s a good thing it’s over. I deserve better than that.” This stops Rafe in his tracks. He starts walking to you but stops before he can reach. “Please don’t leave me.” It’s barely a whisper but you still heard it. 

Your eyes widen and mouth drops open but nothing comes out. You stare at him as his hands cover his eyes. Wiping away any tears like if you saw them you would see how weak he was. How weak you made him. “I was scared okay. I’m scared you will leave me like everyone. I- I can’t stand not being around you. Don’t start.” Your mouth shuts, words dying on your tongue. “You make everything better. I have these thoughts sometimes and” a sob cuts his words “they stopped when you were around. All the ‘I’m to good enough’, ‘you’re a failure’, all that shit just fucking vanished. You’re like sunshine, everything just seems brighter around you.”

He takes a deep breath. “That day at the country club when I saw you flirting with Maybank I saw red. I just thought you were going to see that you don’t need me that you were better off with someone else. Everyone has left me but you leaving would break me. I was scared and I did what I always do I fucked up. I pushed you away so you can’t hurt me. I didn’t think that you would care, I swear.” He grab your arm pulling you towards him. Rafe’s arms wrapping around your waist as he hurries his head in in junction where your neck meets your shoulder. Your right hand raises to rub his head, the left rest on his bicep. 

“You’re right you didn’t think. You really hurt me.” You starts to pull away from him, Rafes eyes dropping to watch his empty hands. “I thought I meant more to you. I told you we needed to communicate and you didn’t. I just” “I’m trying to. This is me trying to tell you.” The blue eyes that you loved looked so broken and empty. A matching set to yours. “It’s a little too late. I don’t know how to trust you right now. Rafe I told you things that I’ve always kept a secret. I thought it was obvious that I always cared about you. Yet all I’m given in return is deceit, I caught you making out with another girl. Did you even mean the things you said? I just need sometime.” 

The sandals you wore echo along the floor as you back up. His left hand catches you before you could get too far. “This can’t be it, please Sunny. I fucked up I know. I let Kelce get into my head and I spiraled, I know that. But please give me a second chance…please. Today I thought you were hurt or dead. You scared that shit out of me today and I couldn’t stand the thought of never being able to see you again. Please we can work this out.” You met his eyes, tears welling up. “I can’t do this right now Rafe. This really hurts me, don’t make it harder.”

“Nothing I say will change your mind will it?” Rafe lets you go and walks away leaving you behind. “Do you know how scared I was last night? You scream, smashing my door, and throwing stuff around is scary Rafe. All I could think about was my dad, I didn’t like when he got like that. I won’t take it from you either.” Your words stop him in his tracks but you don’t stick around to watch. Tears hit the floor, a tiny sob leaving your lips as you make your way up the stairs. Making it in your room, you curl up into bed crying until you finally fall asleep. Wishing that the past two days never happened and this was just some bad nightmare.

[writingroom21]

The Nanny

Pairing: Rafe x Nanny Reader

Summary: Being Wheezie's nanny was great. The only downside was dealing with the oldest Cameron, Rafe. What happens when his fascination with the nanny becomes a reality?

Warnings: Angst, mention of drugs, (Let me know if I missed any)

Wc: 4.8K

A/N: Sorry for the shorter chapter. I got a stomach bug and it's been kicking my ass

Chapter 7: Will we ever be enough?

A thumping noise stirred you from your sleep. Footsteps make their way closer to the bed, quick steps slightly muffled. Crap did you not lock the door last night? The bed shifts right next to you, the person resting their weight there. Your eyes are screwed shut hoping that Rafe will go away and not bother you right now. “Hey get up.” The voice is feminine definitely not Rafe. Peaking one eye open you see Wheezie sitting in front of you. Jumping up, you give her a big hug, pulling her super close. “Jesus you’re going to squeeze me to death.”Even though she protests, her arms are squeezing you just as tight. 

“Sorry I just missed you.” You say as you pull back. Looking at the alarm clock you see that it is nine in the morning.  “What happened while I was gone?” Wheezie’s words cause you to freeze, shoulders tensing at the thought of the past week. “Why would you think that something happened?” Your words spew out more than coming out calmly like you intended. She just gives you a strange look, her eyes glint behind her glasses. Her stare is making you squirm in your spot, it’s like she was deciphering what was plaguing your mind.

“Well I have been gone a whole week so wanted to see what you were up to. But now I’m thinking something actually did happen.” Her look is questioning, wanting you to tell her what happened but mostly to see if she was right in her thoughts. One of her friends had texted her saying she saw you and Rafe together in his truck. She didn’t believe them at first, I mean come one there’s no way. Everything Rafe did seemed to annoy you, to be fair he had that effect on everyone. But to think that of you two together was weird, Wheezie wouldn’t mind it would just take some time to get used to.

“Nothing happened. It was a boring week without everyone.” You nonchalantly say, shrugging it off and getting up from the bed. Since everyone was back it’s best if you got ready and did something today. “So nothing made Rafe destroy part of the living room last night? Dad was pretty mad when he saw what Rafe did.” Your actions hault, the shirt in your hands slipping back to the drawer it came from. “Rafe did what?” You practically shout as you turn to her. “When we got home today dad found Rafe in the living room. It looked like he was throwing some stuff around last night. I’m surprised that his yelling didn’t wake you up.” She watches you as you gather your clothes, not really saying anything.

“It’s okay if something did happen, I wouldn’t be upset.” Wheezie is being honest. The more she thought about it the more she realized it would be nice. You are already part of the family and she loves you. Not to mention Rafe seems happier around you, she noticed that he isn’t as rude or violent when you are around. It made her happy to see him like that. It brought her back to when she was really young and Rafe cared about her before he changed. It was comforting for her to know that even in all that hate, her brother was still deep down there just waiting to come out.

She just watches as you keep your back turned to her, walking to the bathroom. Right before you walked in you looked over your shoulder at her. “Nothing happened Wheeze.” With that you went in, getting ready for the day. Letting the hot water melt away the tension in your body. When you got back into your room Wheezie was laying on your bed scrolling through tiktoks. “Can I just say I missed the internet while I was gone. Getting up to date on everything in one morning is very tiring.” She exaggerates flopping her body around once she hears you enter. “You were only gone for a week. How much could you have possibly missed?” You detangle your hair as she keeps talking. 

“You don’t get it. All of my friends have been going to the parties now, things happen at those. Like this one guy was caught making out with another girl besides his girlfriend at the bonfire the other day. Can you imagine that? What a dick to even hookup with someone when you are seeing someone else.” By the look on your face she can tell that she messed up. That the fun story she thought would lift your moods actually seemed to make it worse. Her eyes widened when she realized that you were the girlfriend and Rafe was the dick that two timed you. Can’t really say girlfriend but the notion still stands, he was seeing you and then did that.

“Oh my go-” “Why don’t we go off the island and do something fun today? It's not even elven yet so we can catch the ferry and go shopping or something.” Your words are rushed, kinda mumbling together from how fast they came out. It’s one thing for Wheezie to be prying into what happened over this week. Now it's another thing for her to be connecting the dots just by telling one story. You know she can tell you were a part of it, the look of sorrow has infiltrated her face. She just doesn’t have to know that Rafe was the guy that hurt you like that. She says your name.

“Wheeze drop it.” If only your words were that simple or that Wheezie actually listened. “I’m sorry I didn’t kno-” 

“Wheeze it’s okay. I was seeing some guy and he was apparently seeing other people as well. It sucks but it happened. All I can do is move on and not let it get to me. Now get up and let’s go. We have the day ahead of us.” Reluctantly Wheezie gets up and follows you out of the room. Just as you were about to get to the stairs the door to Rafe’s room opened, causing the two of you to meet face to face again. His eyes are red, you can’t tell if it’s from crying or being high out of his mind. Rafe’s eyes flicker around your face and catch the glimpse of Wheezie behind you.

All he wants is to grab you by the arm and drag you into his room. That way you would be forced to talk to him. Let him explain how he doesn’t want to hurt you, how he doesn;t want to be the person you are afraid of. He can handle the frightened looks from others, the ones that scream he’s a psycho but he can’t handle it from you. He doesn’t want to be like your dad, he doesn’t want to make you feel small. Rafe just wants you to smile again, to hear your laugh even just for a moment. Then he remembers the look on your face last night. The disgust as he tried to explain himself. Just that reminder was enough for the steel walls to come back up and for him to brush past you like nothing.

“What no comment today?” Wheezie jests at her brother, testing out the waters. If she’s right she has to know. “Nothing to comment about. Stop being a little shit.” Rafe snaps back, continuing his trek down the stairs. It shouldn’t sting this much knowing he has nothing to say to you. It still does, a sharp pain radiating in your chest, constricting and then relaxing before repeating the cycle. Once you get by the front door you realize that your car is still broken down at John B’s. “You have got to be kidding me.” You whisper

“What’s up?” Wheezie asks. “I totally forgot that my car broke down yesterday and we now have no way to the main island.” Just before the other girl can answer, Rafe interrupts. “I can take you, Just get in the truck.” His keys jiggle in his hands as he walks to the door. “NO!” Wheezie yells making the both of you look at her. Rafe gives her a look, to anyone else they would be scared but she just rolls her eyes at him. “It’s supposed to be a girls day hence no boys allowed. I see Sarah pulling in anyway, we’ll just ask her if she wants to tag along.” She explains as she drags you out the house and into Sarah’s car without any warning.

“Wheeze what the hell?” Sarah exclaims, staring at the youngest sibling for answers. “Drive Rafe is trying to take us to the mainland because someone's car is broken.” The explanation was all she needed to put the car in drive and speed off. “You told her about Rafe? I knew you were close but I thought you would keep that one to yourself.” Wheezie shrieks. “It was Rafe! I knew it.” Her words die down as you disconnect from the conversation. You look at the back window to catch as Rafe walks out locking eyes with yours as you leave.

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“What do you think about this one?” You ask, holding up a top to your chest. “I like that color on you.” Sarah points out, grabbing a few tops to try on. “Yeah maybe Rafe will get jealous when he sees how many people hit on you.” This is the third time Wheezie has mentioned him since Sarah accidently spilled the beans.The first was in the car directly after. “When did it start? Like where you and Rafe always a thing or did this just happen? I’m just confused by this.” Sarah had shot her a death glare and told her to cut it out.

The second time happened two stores in on your shopping spree. Well more like taking them shopping as you get a few things for yourself. “I’m sorry Rafe did that to you. I stand by what I said earlier he’s a dick.” You just sighed, pushing some jeans around to find your size. “Don’t say that he’s your brother. He messed up but that’s a part of being human. I can be upset because he hurt me but you can’t fault him for making a mistake.” You eye her by peripheral vision.

“He hurt you and you’re upset about it. I’m upset he hurt you.” She huffs. “Exactly Wheeze he hurt me. I have a right to be upset with him. He didn’t hurt you, it’s sweet that you care about mt. He’s still your brother and making mistakes is a part of life, don't be too hard on him, okay.” You place a hand on her shoulder rubbing a small circle. “Fine but I still think he’s dumb.” You chuckle as Sarah walks over. “What do you think?”

Which brings you back to third, now. “I don’t need him to be jealous. It doesn't matter.” You put the top back and dig around for more. “So you wouldn’t care if you saw Rafe with someone else?” Bile tries to crawl it way up and you have to try hard to keep it down. The thought  alone was awful enough to make you feel like crying. “Wheeze leave her alone.” Sarah scolds her younger sister. Trying to convey that this is not the time to be talking like that. “No it’s okay. I wouldn’t care, he can do whatever he wants.” Lie.

It would crush you, physically break you. You’ve always been a second choice your whole life. Parents always loved each other more than you. Most of your friends from school don’t even talk to you, deciding it was better to cut you out and all stay friends. Second in your family, second in social life, and now second in love life. Seeing him happy with another person would hurt the most. 

Rafe was one of the only people who seemed to actually pay attention to you. Sure at first it bugged the shit out of you due to all the flirting. But you could see the way he noticed the small details about you. Asking about the current tv show you are watching even though you never mentioned it to him. Or when he gets Wheezie a treat and happens to get your favorite as well. Nothing with him felt like you were second best. Yeah you knew about his reputation with girls yet it didn’t matter because he never treated them like that. Now all you can see is how he did all of it just to sleep with you. It was never genuine and he never wanted something deeper. 

Giving up on finding any other clothes, you just watch as the girls shop. Giving input on which items they should get or what they should pair it with. It goes like that for a couple more stories until you all decide to go get an early dinner and head back to the island. Missing the Ferry would be a big inconvenience so it’s better to be early. 

“You know there’s this party going on tomorrow night. We should all go.” You and Sarah stare at Wheezie. Did she just really suggest going to a party together? “Wheeze I literally nanny you. Taking you to a party would probably get me fired.” You laugh while taking a bite of your chicken alfredo. “You’re practically Sarah’s nanny too and you go to parties with her.” She argues. “One Sarah is older than you and I am not her nanny. Two, you are just going into highschool. It would be weird if I was bringing you to parties or even encouraging that.” You argue back.

Truth be told you actually don’t want to go at all. If there’s a party then Rafe will be there, he always is. It’s bad enough you have to deal with him now at the house, seeing him outside would just be torture. “How about we stay in and watch movies?” You suggest, mostly hoping that she will take the bait. “Come on please can we just go? All of my friends are going to be there, I can’t be the only one not going.” Just as you were about to speak Sarah cuts in. “Wheeze she’s right. If dad found out you went to a party and she as so much even knew, he would fire her. Your friends shouldn’t even be going to those parties to begin with.” Who knew Sarah could be the word of wisdom.

Sighing, Wheezie gives up trying, rather choosing to finish her food. “You should at least go and have fun. Show Rafe what he’s missing.” She wiggles her eyebrows at you. You just look down at your plate, avoiding eye contact so you don’t have to answer her. “We should finish so we can head out before it’s too late.” The two other girls nod their heads. The rest of the dinner had awkward silence. No one knew what to say, you didn’t want to keep talking about Rafe but Wheezie had so many questions. Poor Sarah wanted to help you out but she also had questions.

The middle Cameron knew when she should leave topics to rest, knowing that pushing you too much would cause issues. From experience she knows you don’t like to share things, she only really knows basic things. Maybe a few more personal information but nothing too crazy. It never bothered Sarah because no matter what you are still a great friend. On the other hand it bothers Wheezie how closed off you can be. She has questions and she wants answers to them.

She’s curious on how this even started, was it you or was it Rafe? Had to be Rafe she thought. Did you want the two of you to be together? Duh or you wouldn’t be so heartbroken. But mostly she wants to know what Rafe could do to make everything okay. What he did still makes her upset but she believes that he’s better with you. The car and Ferry ride back home was just Wheezie thinking. She just had to get the two of you to see eye to eye. If she could do that then everything will be okay even better than okay.

“Hey John B just texted me to say that he and JJ fixed up your car.” Sarah looks over at you. The view from the Ferry turns into Sarah’s face as you pan over to her. “Really?” You shift in your seat, sitting up a little straighter. “Yeah I can take you once we get back. That way you can have your car.” You smile at the blonde girl thanking her. You just want to get home now, tired from the day.

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“Well hello there gorgeous.” JJ shouts from the dock next to John B’s House. Sarah had just dropped you off, taking Wheezie back home so she can be free for the night. “Hey Jayj! Heard you boys fixed up my car.” You smile at the boys making their way over to you. “That we did. Had a leak in your exhaust it caused the engine to stop running.” JJ slaps a hand on John B’s shoulder after the boy just explained the problem. “Don’t worry we fixed her up nice. It will getcha from point A to B in one piece. Hopefully.” JJ jokes thinking he’s funny like usual.

You roll your eyes at the blonde. “Haha, so funny. Can I get my keys now so I can leave? Wouldn’t want to intrude on your make out session.” You tease the boys. It’s been an ongoing joke since you had to watch them one time. They were in middle school then. You weren’t that much older but Luke didn’t like the thought of his son and no good friend alone. It was one of the very few times Luke spent money on his Boy. 

Them being young teen boys started hitting on you and you told them to go make out in the corner. From then on the joke took a life of its own. Anytime they annoyed you the joke always came flying out. “And I thought I was a comedian.” JJ huffs throwing the keys at you to catch them. “Now if you could leave we have some important business to attend to.” John B shoves him off pulling a face of disgust to the other boy. “Take him with you please he won’t leave me alone.”

You laugh as you walk to the car, unlocking the door and opening in. “If I wanted to take Jayj I would have just asked him to come along. It wouldn’t be fair to separate such a happy family.” You say as you get in and start the car. “Fuck you” They yell and flip you off, watching as you back out to the dirt road. 

It seems like when they fixed your exhaust they also put AC fluid in your car. The vents are now blowing cold air instead of hot like it's done for the last two summers. It makes the drive back more enjoyable. Not having to stick with the windows down that just blow hot air at you is life changing. No more muggy car rides that make your clothes stick to your skin. A new car, well slightly new, for a new start. Everything is going to work out.

That mindset was put to rest as soon as you stepped foot into the house. Yelling can be heard from down the hall. “What is so wrong with you that you can’t seem to stop yourself from fucking up?” Ward's voice echoes down the hall. “You can’t do anything right can you? I swear Rafe I wonder if you even are my kid. How could you when all you do is cause me headaches. Sarah isn’t like this, why can’t you be more like her?” Footsteps get close to you, panicking you try to leave but run into Wheezie. “I’m sorry I was just trying to ask him questions and dad overheard. I didn’t mean for this to happen.”

She’s crying into your arms, her grip tight. “Wheeze what did you do?” Her glossy eyes look up at you. “I was asking him how he could mess up what you had. Dad overheard and then started yelling at him. I don’t know what to do.” You brush her hair to sooth her, feeling bad for the crying girl. “Where are they?”

“Dad’s study.” she squeaks out. “Okay. Go to your room, I'll find you after.” Your feet carry you closer to the room. Listening closely you can hear Rafe’s voice now. “Sarah? Are you fucking kidding me? Sarah has run off time after time with John B and the rest of them. She has left you more times than I can count and she’s still your favorite?” You can tell he’s hurt, you can hear it in his voice. This conversation is an exact replica to the others you have heard. 

“Don’t start this again. Just because you keep screwing up doesn’t mean you can bring Sarah down. She’s a kid, she’s still learning.” Ward yells back. “What about me?” Rafe yells. “I’m your kid too. I have done everything to make you see that I care. I’m the only one who actually wants to continue the family business. I’m the one who has had your back this whole time. Sarah doesn’t care about you, why can’t you get that.”

You are right outside the door now. Rafe and Ward are standing in the middle of the room staring at each other. “If you think I’m letting you anywhere near the account now then you’re just as stupid as I think you are.” You gasp but thankfully it wasn’t heard. “What?” Rafe’s confused, he was promised this account before his dad left for the trip. “You heard me. I left you for a week and you screwed the nanny. On top of that you cheat on her and trash the house up. I don’t know how many times I have given you a chance and you never change.”

“Nah you gave me that account before you left. I fucked up I know but you can’t just take that from me. I’ve worked hard for it and you can’t deny that. You can’t just take this from me for a mistake.” Were you the mistake or making out with Sofia? You shake the thought out of your head, it doesn’t matter. “No Rafe, a mistake is forgetting to buy something at the store you need. You took something good and fucked it up like you always do. That girl is better off without you anyway.” Rafe’s shoulders deflate at his fathers words. “Yes I can take this account and I will. Clearly you can not be trusted for anything.” You see Ward move around the room, scared he will catch you, you try to back away. The only issue was the floorboard squeaking and giving you away.

Both men look toward the door seeing half of you standing there, the other half blocked by the door. Ward calls your name out. “Can you come in here please?” Reluctantly you make your way into the room, eyes trained to the floor. “How much of that did you hear?” Ward asks. You look up making eye contact with Rafe before looking at the older Cameron. “Practically all of it.” You answer.

“You’re wrong by the way. Rafe didn’t do anything wrong, we weren’t together. He’s free to do whatever he pleases. Wheezie caught on to what happened and took it too far because she thought she was helping me. I honestly don’t care that it happened.” Rafe’s eyes are burning into your face. “He shouldn’t be punished for living his life. I know I may be over stepping here and you might want to let me go. But it wouldn’t be right if I stood here and watched him get in trouble for something that isn’t a big deal.”

Your eyes meet Rafe’s again after you finish. The blues in his seem so dull, almost lifeless. “No one is going to fire you. You’ve been good to us, I'm not letting that go. I appreciate you defending him but he needs to learn to fight his own battles.” Rafe shuts his eyes and takes a deep breath. “I’m not defending him, ‘m telling the truth.” They open again watching you closely. “Then I guess everything is fine. You can keep the account.” Wards simply states and walks out the room. 

Heavy breathing is the only thing heard in the room for a moment. “I don’t need your help. Save it for someone else.” Rafe tries to brush past you, your hand stops him from getting far. “Are you kidding me right now?” He just stares at you, blank stare meeting your angry gaze. “You shouldn’t have done that. I don’t need you to help me. I could have handled that myself.” A scoff leaves your lips, hand falling from his arm.

“I did it to be nice because no one deserves to be yelled at like that. If your head is too stuck up your ass to see that you shouldn’t be treated like that then I’ll see myself out. I don’t need you to yell at me for doing something nice for you.” You try to walk around him but he steps in front of you. “Exactly I don’t need you to do something nice after I hurt you. Oh sorry I forgot that it meant nothing so I shouldn’t feel bad. Should’ve known this was some sick ploy for you to be the better person.” His words strike you, their venom flooding your system.

“Is that what you really think about me? That I would go so low to make you feel shitty. News flash Rafe the world doesn’t revolve around you. I don’t spend my days planning ways to destroy your life. I hate the way he talks to you, always have and I won’t be the reason why. I meant everything I said when we were together. It’s okay that you didn’t but don’t make me feel bad for something I didn’t do.”

You walk past him, reaching the door when he speaks again. “I freaked out. Kelce was saying dumb shit and I freaked out. I didn’t think you wanted more so I just…” His sentences fall short, Rafe trying to tie the words together in his brain. “So you just decided to be with someone else?” You bite back, wanting him to feel the pain you are. He exhales, his walls building back up, blocking off the confession on the tip of his tongue. The hope you gave him when you said you hated how his dad treats him dies. She will never trust you. “Yeah, I just decided that.” It’s better to just agree with you. Arguing has gotten nowhere and the truth falls onto deaf ears. 

You may have confessed that you meant what you had said, yet it didn’t matter to him. The key word being meant in your sentence. It doesn’t matter if he wants to say how much he cares about you, that the thought of not having you physically pains him, or how these past two days he can’t do anything but take bumps of coke. None of it matters because however you felt was clearly long gone. It was time for him to do the same, he needed to move on from you. The way your eyes shine at him tell him how much you don’t care, how little he means to you.

The urge to be high is scratching Rafe’s insides as he just looks at you. The pain slowly fades to numbness as he looks at the hate in your eyes. The clear baggy full of white powder burns a hole in his pocket, begging him to take a hit. “I didn’t want to hurt you. You won’t have to worry about me again. I’m sorry.” This time it’s Rafe who is leaving you, walking into the hall and past you like nothing. 

“What do you mean I don’t have to worry about you?” Your voice wavers, worried about what he means. He just keeps walking, not paying attention to you. “Rafe.” He looks at you, eyes scanning your face. “I mean I won’t be in your way. I’ll stay as far away from you as I can. You’ll be happier that way.” With that he just leaves. He knew Ward was right, you are better off without him. He’s seen it first hand how happy you can be when he isn’t there to bring down the mood. 

Even if he did love you, he was too damaged to deserve you.

[writingroom21]

The Nanny

Pairing: Rafe x Nanny Reader

Summary: Being Wheezie's nanny was great. The only downside was dealing with the oldest Cameron, Rafe. What happens when his fascination with the nanny becomes a reality?

Warnings: Angst, mention of drugs, sexual harassment (some creep tries to force themselves on reader), forced kiss (same creep with the reader), slight comfort?, (please be careful if you have any issues with sexual harassment it doesn't go far but I don't want anyone uncomfortable), (let me know if I missed anything), fighting

Wc: 7.0K

A/N: One more part to go! Sad to see it coming to an end but thank you for all of your support.

Chapter 8: What are we?

You just watch as Rafe leaves. A sinking feeling builds in your chest. It’s like when you’re on a rollercoaster and you get to the really big drop. You always hated that part of the ride, somehow this feeling tops it. Fighting back the tears you walk to your room. Wheezie can wait until the morning, right now you just need to go to bed. You try to calm your breath the whole walk to your room. Scared if you made too much noise someone will hear.

Entering your room you finally let the tears go, finding solace within the four walls. The tears well onto your lashes, falling down in fat drops. Choked sobs echoing inside the silent room.You furiously try to wipe them away, hating how small you feel at this moment. This isn’t what you wanted. Deep down a part of you wanted him to fight for you. Seeing him give up so easily just adds salt to the gaping wound.

You strip from your clothes, throwing on a pair of sleep shorts and stopping when you reach for a shirt Rafe left. A part of your brain is screaming to find another shirt, the other is dying to have at least one last piece of him. Against your better judgment you grab the shirt and put it on. It faintly smells like him, another reminder how you truly thought he cared. The birthday cologne smelt slightly more bitter than it did before. But it was still him.

You turn to your bed, the sage green sheets lay perfectly flat, a bouquet of flowers on top. Walking closer you notice that they are white roses, your favorite. There’s a little note tied on the string that holds them all together. You pick them, opening the card to read it. I’m sorry Sunny. I fucked up but I can’t lose you. Please let’s just talk it out. I miss you. -R

The note makes you sob harder. He knew your favorite flower and he wanted to work things out. If you had just seen this before interrupting maybe things would be different. Maybe he would be he instead of walking away. Why would he remember your favorite flower? You barely even remember when you mentioned it around him.

“What are you doing?” The voice behind you makes you jump. The rose in your hand flies as you grip the scissors tighter.  You turn your head to see Rafe leaning back on the kitchen counter. “Jesus Rafe you can’t do that. You scared the crap out of me.” You lean on the kitchen sink, regulating your heartbeat back to normal. He chuckles a little, a small smile spreading on his lips. 

“Sorry didn’t mean to scare ya. Just saw you standing there and was curious.” He eyes your ass getting a perfect view from his spot behind you. “I’m cutting the stems of these roses.” “What Rose wants to be in every part of this house now?” He thinks he’s funny but he’s not. “No smartass. They are my favorite flowers, specifically the white ones.” You got back to cutting the stems, picking up flower to flower. 

He sits there and watches and you finish the rest of the flowers. “Kinda seems corny doesn’t it? Like every chick likes roses it's never another flower.” Rafe remarks. Teasing you for the choice. “Well I like them because of my grandma. She used to get fresh bach every week and put them around the house. I get them because they remind me of her.” That’s the most you’ve shared about her since she died. 

She was kind of the glue that held the family together. She always knew how to make everyone laugh. Always made you feel safe and welcomed. Your parents weren't that bad when you were growing up at first. They loved you so much as a baby, couldn’t have been prouder. Then the older you got the more money they had to spend. The more time they had to put into you and not them. It seemed the older you got the more problems they had. The more pressure they would put on you to be better.

Your grandma did a great job at shielding it from you for as long as she could. The flowers were the thing the two of you shared. Spending time picking out the right ones just to go home and build a bouquet. It was the highlight of your weeks and after she died it was over. You held on to the last bouquet until all the petals were left to nothing. Rotting on your dresser, burning holes into the wood to leave their marks. No bouquet felt the same after but it brought you comfort.

“Remind you?” Rafe questions. “She died when I was eight. I make bouquets to feel connected to her.” He just looks at you as you fill the vase with water, adding the roses one by one. He remembers watching his mom arrange flowers for the house. She would bring him along as she picked out various flowers. Always asking him for his input because he was her special helper. It was their special day activity, Ward would get upset at the sight of Rafe helping out. His mother would go to his defense, nipping Ward’s words in the butt the moment they exit his mouth.

It hurt to remember his mom, the memory causing more heartache than anything. The image of his happy mom crushed when he realizes she’s gone. Left him behind with a man that hates him. In a town where no one will ever care for him. But then he watches you do a simple action that brings her back. It hurts but he can’t help but smile watching you. “I’m sorry. I bet it was hard losing her. They look good, she’d be proud.”

You look him in the eyes, a soft smile gracing your face. Rafe can’t help but to think how beautiful you look. “Thank you. That was very sweet of you Rafe.” You praise. He blushes, straightening up and walking off. “WHatever don’t tell everyone now.” You laugh at him. “Wouldn’t dream of it.”

The memory makes the feeling worse. He had remembered that conversation this whole time. It had happened early on to you working here, one of the first few meetings with the oldest sibling. You thought he was just being polite because you were new and you just told him something sad. But he still had that information stored away in some filing cabinet in his mind. The fact he still knew makes you want to find him and forgive him. Then you think about the fact he gave up.

You can’t really fault him, he has a right to do what he wants. Yet it still stings that you weren’t enough for him the first time and you weren’t enough for him this time. You place the flowers on the bedside table. Pulling the covers back you climb into bed, curling up into a ball and going yourself to sleep for the second night in a row.

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The sound of voices stir you slowly awake. “Come on, leave her alone.” A hushed voice breaks through the door. “I want to know what happened last night. She never came to tell me.” Wheezie’s hush whispers fully wake you up. “No, let's go.” Sarah’s voice firmly states, footsteps fading down the hall. The room is bright, the curtains are fully open, you must have forgotten to close them last night. The light is harsh on your eyes, they still sting from crying the night before.

Everything keeps replaying in your mind. Memories creating a slow motion picture just for you. They are on a continuous loop as you get ready for the day. Your mind keeps going back to what Wheezie said to you yesterday. Would you be okay if you saw him with someone else? No you wouldn’t, seeing him with Sofia was hard enough. You don’t think you would be able to handle it further.

That realization brings you back to the flowers and the note. He has kept the memory with him since that day. Rafe wanted to make it up with you and showed you that he does care about you. He used the memory to do something that would make you happy, even if he caused you pain. The note made it obvious he wanted to work things out, maybe you should have listened to him. He didn’t actually have any reason to stay loyal to you, no conversation was had for the next step to happen.

Once you are finally dressed you slip on your shoes determined to find Rafe. You look around the hall when you step out, not wanting to run into anyone and change your mind. You make your way to his door and knock. Butterflies fill your abdomen, the nervous feeling eating you from the inside out. “Rafe?” You call out, keeping your voice low. Your right hand opens the door and you are faced with an empty room. The room is still a mess, things littered everywhere, a perfect match to him.

Sighing you close the door again, heading downstairs to get some breakfast. Voices can be heard from the kitchen, they aren’t loud so it’s hard to make anything out. Entering the kitchen you see Rafe talking with Sarah and Barry just sitting at the island. “He shouldn’t be here Rafe. Dad will flip out.” Sarah argues with her brother. “He already doesn’t like me, why should I care?” He huffs out and turns around, pausing when he sees you at the door.  Barry and Sarah to look at what caught his attention.

“Well hello baby. Thought I would never see you again.” Barry’s voice rings in your ears but you can only focus on Rafe. “Hi.” You squeak, your voice giving away how nervous you are to see him. His jaw is clench, his hands forming fists as he looks at the man staring you down. “Let’s go Barry. We got shit to do.” He says pushing the other guy's shoulder as he passes him. Rafe gives you a nod as he walks by you and leaves. Barry tsk’s as he gets up making his way out as well. “That boy never learns does he?”

You just stand there, eyes glancing at Sarah. “I’m sorry I didn’t think you would be up right now after last night.” You smile at her and go in further to make food. “It’s fine. He already said he was going to leave me alone from now on. I just didn’t take him seriously.” Boiling water, you get the oats out of the cabinet, oatmeal was the fastest thing you could think of. “Wait what?” Sarah exclaims. Her shocked face staring at the back of your head.

You know she won’t leave you alone for the rest of the day. You have picked up on a few things over this past year. Never interrupt Ward when he is in meetings or talking in general. Rose really does care but the kids will never respect her so she lets them be. Rafe has been hurt for so long that he refuses to be himself now. Even though Sarah and Wheezie are different people they have the same personality trait. They care so much that they don’t know when to call it quits. Granted Sarah is better at keeping it at bay than Wheeze.

Knowing this and knowing how she feels about her brother you give in. You spilled and told her everything. How Wheezie accidentally was the reason why Ward knows what happened. How Ward was yelling at Rafe and how you stepped in. Then told her about the argument between the two of you. Finally leading to him saying he will leave you alone from now on. The whole conversation lasted all of breakfast, the oatmeal you made for the two of you long gone.

“I can’t believe that he just walked away like that. He was the one to mess up, he can't be mad.” She’s saying things you’ve already said to yourself. He did mess up and he shouldn’t be mad. But another part knows that you hurt him too in some way. You shut him out when he wanted to fix things. You ignored him and refused to talk. In the end you did the same thing he did, you didn’t communicate with him how you felt. “It’s not that simple, Sar. He hurt me yeah but I also shut him out. I’m sure that had to hurt him too, I can’t expect him to wait around for me.” You are trying to be reasonable. This is her brother you are talking about, you don’t want to be the reason why they are not on good terms. Things just started to die down between them.

“But it is simple. He messed up by kissing another girl and all you did was get space from him. He decided to just give up without much of a fight.” Her words force you to think back to when he was crying. Pleading with you to give him a second chance, just to hear him out. “He did try. I just didn’t give him the chance and it’s okay. He’s hurt and he needs his space too. I can’t get upset with him for doing the same.” Deep down you know you have a point. He is hurt and needs time which is what you did. It just hurts that when you figured out how you felt it was too late.

“Why are you defending him so much? I get that you liked him but he hurt you.” You are quiet, looking at your bowl. “Do you still like him?” She asks, watching your reactions. When she doesn’t get an answer she realizes it was deeper than what she thought. “Oh.” You both sit there, the weight of your unspoken words heavy in the air. “We never said we were exclusive. It was never something we talked about so he really didn’t do anything wrong. I just can’t hate him.” 

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The thrap of the tennis ball takes you out of your daydream. Wheezie had dragged you out to the country club for a round of tennis, stating it would help you feel better. It was sweet of her for caring but the exercise was not welcomed. You would rather be enjoying the day reading then out on the court hitting a ball back and forth. “How many points is that?” She asks, a smile bright on her face. “6-2 I think.” You respond. You bounce the ball a few times before throwing it up and hitting it to her. 

The rest of the morning was uneventful after your talk with Sarah. She tried to talk to you more about how you should be upset but it got nowhere. Once Wheezie popped into the kitchen the conversation died and it was over with. You were relieved when Wheezie didn’t mention Rafe at all after. Even happier when all she wanted to do was go out. That soon faded when she said she wanted to play tennis. It was just an excuse to see the cute tennis instructor that just started there.

Everything was going well until you were both leaving. You were stepping off the court when a golf cart blew past you. “Watch it, asshole.” Wheezie yells causing the cart to stop. The boys inside it all turn around and low and behold there’s Rafe with some guy you’ve never seen. “Watch it, Wheeze. Next time you might get run over.” The boy next to him chuckles. “Yeah, stay out of the way.” Rafe shoots him a look and the boy quiets down. “Oh please like you are so scary. Stop driving like a maniac and be normal.”

Rafe looks at you, eyes lingering for a little longer than needed. You smile at him, opening your mouth to greet him. He turns away before the words could escape. The cart drives off again leaving the two of you alone. He was really taking this leaving you alone seriously. You had hoped that he would be able to talk to you or be civil at least. You miss his voice, his smile, you miss him. Standing there you both just watch them drive off, walking to the building to get changed into clothes. 

Wheezie wants to comment on how Rafe didn’t say anything to you. Noticing the look on your face as he ignored you. There’s a nagging in the back of her brain to ask you about last night. Her anxiety is getting the best of her, she’s scared that Rafe hates her. She has seen him get really angry and as much as she isn’t afraid of him, she still doesn’t like it. Wheezie doesn’t want to be the reason why her brother is angry at their father or at you.

“What should we watch tonight? I saw 10 Things I Hate about You the other day while scrolling and I’ve been wanting to watch it. What do you think?” You ask the younger girl as you walk the halls to the changing rooms. Wheezie clams up, her anxiety increases a bit more as she tries to think of an excuse. She needs this to go perfectly, nothing can get messed up. “Can we watch it as soon as we get home? My friends and I are having a Netflix watch party tonight.” 

“That’s fine. We can get some dinner and then watch it. How does that sound?” You ask while getting your clothes from the locker you put it in. “That’s perfect.” Wheezie wasn’t lying it was perfect. She needed you to be happy and complacent for the time being. She knows that you might be a little angry with her by tomorrow so she wants to butter you up while she has the chance.

You both got changed and packed up the rest of your things. You are trying hard not to think about Rafe but are failing. Would he still want a second chance if you gave it to him? Yes is the first answer that pops into your brain. Then you think about how he’s ignoring you and that changes. He seems to have no problems pretending you don’t exist, maybe he doesn’t actually want you. Maybe the roses and letter was a ploy to get in your bed again. Yeah that was it.

Snapping out of your thoughts, you have Wheezie order some food. Getting into the car you drive to pick it up before going home. The house is quiet, no one seems to be home besides Sarah. “Hey guys.” Sarah shifts her eyes back to the book in her hands. “Hey! We are going to watch a movie. Want to join?” You ask as you make your way to the living room to settle down. “What movie?” “10 Things I Hate about You.” Wheezie answers. “You had me at Heath Ledger let’s go.” Sarah bolts up, the book forgotten as it flies in the air.

The three of you all get comfortable and queue the movie up. You all just sit in silence, eating and enjoying the movie. Once the food is finished , everyone relaxes back. Only really speaking to comment on the movie. “Uh, I wish he would sing for me.” Sarah dreams out loud. You chuckle at her, nudging her thigh with your foot. “Want me to tell John B to serenade you?” Wheezie laughs at your teasing. “Oh my god. I would pay to see that.” 

You honestly can’t help but see the irony of watching this movie. Boy pretends to be into the girl only for her to find out it was all a lie. She tries to hate him but can never seem to, only to find each other in the end. But this isn’t a movie. Clearly Rafe is content with having you out of his life. There won’t be some big confession that absolves him of all his mistakes. He’s too proud to let anyone see how he feels. Maybe this wasn’t the best choice of movie.

Some masochistic part of you wants to feel the pain of watching something that will never happen. To soak in that feeling just to spite yourself. If the girls weren’t here you would probably be crying right now. Mourning the what if’s that plague your mind. It isn’t fair to do this to yourself and you know that. You just can’t seem to help yourself from finding comfort in your own pain. So used to the feeling that anything else seems foreign. 

The rest of the movie plays out. Patrick and Kat just made up and are now kissing. Every muscle in your body feels heavy. The weight of the situation pulls you down further into the couch cushions. The credits start to roll and the girls are stretching. “Okay I’m going to my room now.” Wheezie gets up to leave. “Already? It’s still early.” Sarah questions. “Yeah I’m doing a watch party with some friends.” Wheezie shrugs trying to walk fast out the room. Sarah squints her eyes at her younger sister and watches as she leaves. 

“Doesn’t she usually stick to you like glue until she goes to bed?” Sarah asks you. She finds it weird that she randomly watches parties with friends. She looks at you when you don’t answer. You were still stuck in your head that it took you a while to process what happened and Sarah’s words. “Um yeah sometimes. It’s good that she’s hanging out with friends. I’m not always going to be her nanny.” That’s when it hit you, this job isn’t forever. There’s no reason for any of them to stay in contact with you after Wheezie gets old enough. The girls would most likely stay in touch you know that. But you won’t be forced around Rafe anymore, maybe that’s a good thing.

“What are you even talking about?” She laughs. “You will always be a part of this family. At least you will be with Wheeze and I. You can’t get rid of us that easily.” She smiles at you. It makes you feel better having that reassurance. Even in the end you will still have them. “I think I’m going to go to my room and read. If you want to hang out or need me just come in.” You tell her. There’s a book on your night stand that you want to finish.

You must have been reading for an hour or two when Sarah bursted into your bedroom. “Is Wheezie in here with you?” She asks. You look up from the book, your face scrunching in confusion. “No, why?” Her face seems worried which only intensifies when she realizes Wheezie isn’t here either. “She’s not in her room and I can’t find her around the house. I wanted my sweater back and she was just gone.” Worry starts to gnaw at you. She has to be here somewhere, she couldn’t have just disappeared.

“Hold on. She has to be here somewhere. I’m just going to call her.” You place your book down and grab your phone. You dial her number and it rings. Sarah just stares waiting to see what happens. She didn’t answer. “Nothing.” You say. Sarah sighs not knowing what to do. “Let me track her phone.” Sarah gives you a bewildered look. “You track us?” She practically yells. “No. Your dad put it on Wheezie’s phone and I just have access to it. I never use it but this is kinda important.”

The app shows Wheezie at a house not too far from Tanny Hill. “She’s at a house. It’s close to here.” You get up putting your shoes on and grabbing your keys. “I think she’s at Trevor’s party. The one she was talking about yesterday.” Crap. Of course, that’s why she had a watch party. She just wanted me to leave her alone so she could sneak off. 

The car ride to the party was tense. You were so upset and worried. She went behind your back and put herself at risk to go to this party. No one knew where she was and something could have happened to her. Oh god what if something did happen? She is still young and people like to take advantage of that. This situation is setting panic alarms in your mind. You just hope Ward doesn’t find out because the Rafe situation can be forgiven. Letting his teen daughter go to a party and get drunk might be his last straw.

Loud music is blasting as you pull into the street. There are people everywhere and the feeling of dread increases. It’s going to take forever to find her here. Not only that, you know Rafe is around. There’s no way that he would miss the opportunity to sell and take drugs. Walking into the house was a hassle, people kept blocking the way. Drinks are being spilled on you, soaking your shoes in the process. This is the one thing you hate about parties, they are always a mess. People get too drunk and throw up everywhere. Others start fights or spend the night taking copious amounts of drugs. You don’t judge them, it's just not something you enjoy.

“We should split up. I’ll call you if I find her.” Sarah yells over the music. “Sounds good.” You head towards the stairs to check up stairs. The stairs are littered with cups making the floors sticky. Most of the doors are closed so you have to open each one. You found a couple in one room, the rest being empty or locked. Laughter fills your ears from the other end of the hall. Walking over you see a group of guys all sitting around.

Looking closer you can see that they are doing line and in the middle of all of them was Rafe. Barry was sitting next to him chatting up a customer trying to upsell. A girl enters your view and you watch as she walks over to Rafe. She leans down and whispers in her ear and rests her hand on his shoulder. You watch as he smiles up at her, shaking a little bag in her face. He turns to make a line for her on the table and he catches your eyes.

He freezes, the card in his hand stalling. He picks up his actions when the girl whispers to him again. She makes her way onto his lap and that’s when you look away. Heading back down the stairs, missing how he pushed her off his lap and shot up. How he looked for you but you were already gone.

You keep looking around the house. Stopping into every room to check them. The next thirty minutes were spent searching the house. You kept coming up short which was freaking you out even more.  You look at the app again and can see that she is still in the house. She’s here somewhere but you just can’t seem to figure out where. Your phone starts to ring in your pocket. “Hello?” You answer

“I found her. I’m bringing her to the car so we can leave.” Sarah tells you. Relief floods through your system. “Okay I’ll meet the two of you there.” She hangs up. Knowing that Wheezie is safe now you are ready to leave. You walk through the living room, eyes trained on the front door next to the kitchen. A body blocks you as you get right outside the living room. “Hey.” Some random guy says.

“Uh hey?” You say wearily. You are a little weirded out. You have never seen this guy before and he keeps blocking you as you try to get around him. “You’re that nanny for Rafe’s little sister right?” He asks. “Yeah.” He nods at you. His hands are in his pockets, he looks a little awkward like this. He takes a step closer to you, your body backing up closer to the wall. “Sorry for what he did to you. Think he’s kinda stupid for letting a girl like you go.” He says. 

As if his words would make you feel better about what happened. “Thanks. I have to go now.” You try to step around him again and his arm lands on the wall, blocking you. This is starting to get more uncomfortable by the minute. “Hey I’m just trying to talk to you. I think you’re really pretty. We can just have some fun.” He tries to ration with you. “I’m good, I really just want to go. I have to get back to Wheezie.” You try to push him off you but he just gets a little closer. 

His breath fans against your neck as you squirm away from him. One of his hands grabs your bicep, keeping you still. “Come one don’t be like that. I just want to get to know you. I think we could really like each other.” His body is now pressed up to you. You can feel how hard he is through his pants. It's disgusting. Your hand raises to his chest trying to push him off. It only makes it worse, in lips kissing your neck.

From the kitchen Rafe has been watching the whole interaction. Watching as he hit on you and how you stood there. He watches as his hands are touching you, his lips kissing the same skin his own lips touched. He was angry. Angry at himself for fucking this up, angry at his dad for being the reason he’s like this, mostly mad at you for moving on right in front of him. He was just filled with anger.

It didn’t help that he was so high and coked out that the feeling was ten fold. He had spent all day yesterday and today taking bump after bump. Smoking the day away and drinking. There’s so much in his system that he’s surprised he’s even standing. No matter how much he takes you are always still there. There in his home, at the country club and now here. He can handle seeing you, not really but he could manage. But he can’t stand there and watch as you are with someone else. His breaking point is when the guy kisses you.

He doesn’t know what he’s doing. One moment he was just watching you, hating his life. Now he’s marching over to drag you out of here and yell at you. You can’t just rub it in his face how little he means to you. He was about to call you out when he heard you speak. “Get off of me.” It’s like a switch flipped. He is now paying attention to your body language. Rafe sees her hands trying to push his chest. How the guy keeps grabbing them to bring them down to his pants. “Just shut up and stay still.”

That was Rafe’s breaking point. He grabs the guy from the back of his shirt, throwing him to the ground. You watch in horror as the guy hits the floor in a hard thump. Rafe’s fist meets the guy's face in an instant. You stand there as his body holds the guy down and he keeps hitting him. Everyone is yelling in horror, telling Rafe to stop. “What is wrong with you? She told you to get off her.” Rafe yells. 

His voice snaps you out of it. The guy is trying to block Rafe’s hits but he can’t do much in his position. Rafe has him trapped on the floor. “Rafe stop, let him go.” You yell. You really don’t want to be the reason that he got into a fight. It’s bad enough that his dad yelled at him over you.

Topper and Kelce run over, dragging Rafe off of the poor guy. “Fucking touch her again and I swear I’ll kill you. I won’t hesitate if I see you near her again.” Rafe screams as his friends drag him away. You look at the guy on the floor, he just lays there as people try to check on him. “God he’s such a psycho. Who just attacks a random guy.” Someone says as they pull out their phone to call the cops. “Maybe he shouldn’t be such a creep forcing himself onto people.” You say without thinking. Heads turn to look at you in confusion. Some people connect the dots as to what happened. “DId he try to..” You walk away before people can ask questions.

You find Rafe outside, pacing in circles as he yells at his friends. “Why would you pull me off? FUcking asshole deserved it. He’s lucking I didn’t fucking kill him.” The boys just look at him with worried looks. “You can’t just say you are going to kill people Rafe.” Topper tries to reason but it falls on deaf ears. “Nah I mean it. He was going to hurt her and I wanted to kill him. I would do it to anyone who even thinks about touching her.” The boys don’t know what to say. Rafe is like a ticking bomb when he’s like this.

“Rafe.” Your voice calms him, he turns to you. “Are you okay?” He rushes to you. Examining you to make sure that creep didn’t harm you in any way. “I’m fine. Thank you.” You don’t know what else to say. He helped you out back there and you are grateful. “I swear if he hurt you I’m going back in there and killing him. DOn’t care if they arrest me.” He’s being irrational. “Hey, just calm down. Everything is fine now. You made it okay.” He pauses, your words sinking in. He made it okay. 

He was the one who helped you, the one that saved you. He reaches out to you, caressing your check. Relishing the feeling of you leaning into his touch. “You should go home.” He whispers. Your eyes open and meet his. Their red and his pupils are dilated. “Come with me.” He looks at you, debating if it’s a good idea. “I can’t. I said I would leave you alone, so I can’t.” He takes his hand off your face, about to back away from you but you stopped him.

“I want you to come with me, please. You can’t drive like this.” He gave in, no fighting was needed. You want him and that’s all he needs to know. He steps closer, walking side by side to your car. He sees Wheezie and Sarah in it. “What are they doing here?” He asks you. “Wheeze snuck off to the party. We came to get her and when I was leaving well.” You look back at the house and at him. “Well you know.”

He nods at you, not saying another word as you get into the car and drive off. The car ride was filled with you and Sarah lecturing Wheezie on how dangerous this was. That if something happened to her and no one knew where she was it could end badly. Rafe tenses at this thought. He was so coked out he didn’t realize his own sister was at the party. You were right she could have been hurt. Look at what happened to you, the same could have happened to Wheezie.

He’s on autopilot as he walks into the house and up the stairs. Your conversation plays in the background in his mind. He enters his room shutting the door but not noticing how it doesn’t click shut until a moment later. “Are you okay?” Rafe turns to see you in front of the door. “Yeah, I just want to get to bed.” What he really wants is to take another line and sleep the thoughts away.

“I just wanted to say thank you again for helping me today.” You shift your eyes from him. “No problem. Didn’t want you to get hurt.” He sits on the edge of his bed, folding his hands and looking at them. “That’s all? I got the flowers you gave me.” you take a step closer, wanting to be near him. You want to fix this, tonight made you realize he does care.

“Oh yeah. You can just forget about them. Don’t know why I even got them in the first place.” Your smile fades, the small flame of hope flickers out. “So that note was for nothing?” He doesn’t say anything. Guess you finally got your answer, it's over. “Don’t know why I even tried talking to you. You don’t care.” You go to leave the room. “Don’t leave.” He calls out.

Your hand is still on the door knob, one twist and you’ll be free. “Why? There’s nothing to stay for.” You hear him grunt, the bed squeaking under him. “Do you think I want to be like this? I can’t stand myself. I’m a fuck up, everyone knows it. For fucks sake my own father hates me.” He gets up, adrenaline coursing through him. 

“I wish I could be normal. That I was enough of a man to be worthy of anything. I’m just a failure at everything so no point in pulling you down with me.” His eyes are collecting tears. His breath came in short bursts. “That’s the drugs talking. You are normal Rafe.” He scoffs at you. “No, the drugs just make it easier to swallow that pill.” He laughs out.

“I know what everyone says about me, I’m not stupid. Ever since my mom died I was some monster. No one wanted to be around me and I just kept acting up. I know I’m not worth anything, then there you were. My own personal sunshine. For a second I was able to forget who I was. I was someone else and didn't have to worry about the rumors that go around. Guess I forgot I don’t deserve good things.” 

He’s laughing but you can hear the hurt in his voice. Tears fill your eyes at the thought of him feeling so worthless. “You do deserve good things.” “Look at what that got us. I fucked it up and you don’t even want me around. I get it, don't get me wrong but it sucks. I didn’t think you meant anything, the little voice in my head saying I was a fool for wanting to be with you. I let it get to me and now whatever we were is gone.”

A tear falls down his cheek. “I lost the last good thing that ever happened to me. You know you’re the only person that cared about me. It’s funny not even my own family likes me but you did. You were a breath of fresh air, the sunny day after a storm. I finally had you and I couldn’t even keep that. So no, I don't deserve good things.” His voice raises. A hollow feeling in his chest, he wishes it was a blackhole ready to swallow him up.

“Is that why you call me Sunny?” The nickname starts to make sense to you now. “Yeah, you’re this bright light that took everything away.” He sits down on the bed again, looking at the sun necklace laying on his table. He picks it up, playing with the gem between his fingers. “My Sunny. So beautiful it hurts. I’m sorry I’m such a fuck up. Wish I was different, maybe then we would actually be together.”

Your breath hitches, was this just the drugs? He did say that it just made it easier to handle how he feels. “I don’t want you to be different.” You stroll over to him, stepping between his legs. You grab his head in your hands so he can look you in the face. “I just wanted you to be you. I like who Rafe Cameron is. Why would I want you to be anyone different?” His eyes are shiny, glossed over with the tears that keep falling. 

“It doesn’t matter now right? It’s too late.” His hand wraps around your wrist. “We can talk about this tomorrow. You should get some sleep, we’ll talk when you have a clearer mind.” You go to leave the room but he stops you. “Stay. Don’t leave me.” His eyes are pleading with you. “Okay.”

You take off your shoes as he gets up. He hands you a change of clothes and he strips from his, laying in his bed waiting for you. You don’t know whether to change here or go into his bathroom. His eyes are are staring at you and you decide fuck it. He divulged how he felt, you can give in for at least this. You change into the shirt he gave you, leaving the pants to the side and get into bed. His fist still holds the necklace, you take his hand. The piece of jewelry moving to you.

You look at it, mixed emotions fill you. The happiness when you first got it, how you thought it was a step further in the relationship. The sadness of when you found him at the bonfire. The confusion you feel at this moment. You forgive him. You want to get past this and it seems like he does too. There’s still this fear in the back of your mind.

He traces your facial features with a light touch, scooting closer to your body. You are both on your sides facing each other. His eyes are drooping, sleep knocking on his door. Slowly fading his consciousness as he fights it off to have one more minute with you. “I think I’ll always be in love with you.” His words are softly whispered between you two.

Your mind short circuits. He said he was in love with you. There’s no way he actually said that. His hand lays motionless on your side, the sandman claiming him as his next victim. You look at him and then the necklace once again. Shifting slightly as to not wake him, you put the necklace back on. You move closer to him, touching his jaw. Letting sleep take you with it.  “I’ll always be in love with you too.”