#realised basically she was actually making me way more insecure and undermining me n keeping me like a dog in the relationship
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// diary/rant in the tags feel free to ignore ! //
#anyhow just only now for some reason realising that my “best friend” of like 8 yrs uh is a narcissist so trying to process!#i am very aware they r still people! and do wish well for her but our current relationship is narcissistic abuse#n i can't keep the relationship the same#realised basically she was actually making me way more insecure and undermining me n keeping me like a dog in the relationship#and proud of that. and how she had that over me. and it makes sense its what i was used to / drawn to :/#like i have always been so worried about her not liking me and only now i realise i can't keep it like this just bc she shares my interests#more than others do#i never wanted to be unfair bc like im autistic! ppl think we're a lot of these all of the time#but it sucks bc she's my closest friend n i find it hard as an autistic person. much harder than she did#ppl were always drawn to her anf liked her better immediately and then they'd all eventually hate her#which i somehow ignored#simply uh a lot to think about. the way I've been like why cant i improve my confidence anyway let me go talk to#someone who's gonna undermine everything about me#for some reason only just registered how bad i was feeling today bc of how insecure she was making me in#feeling like i was having to beg for any acknowledgement
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