#recoagulating

[mrtinmtz]

Death Anxiety

Part of the human condition, always there, life threatening illness, an accident, taken before the expected time, it's closer in the evening of life as we grow older, many times it is fear of suffering, illness, pain, loss of beauty, capacity, all enrolled in fear of death but they all different

Cessation of life of the body, cessation of me, i will go into a void, quite unique, Anxiety of all things, what will happen to me, Our basic anxiety is our terror of death, the fear of loss of control, Neurotic fear of death trips us up.. vs another kind of fear of death,  

Psyche prepares for death, the end of life experiences, when the soul and the body are both longing for release the relationship with death is different, death would come in a kind of winter, death comes in the long for release, in the embrace and the promise of laying down suffering

Looking forward for death's embrace, the image of death can present itself so differently depending on psyche´s orientation to the end of life, death can come as a monster, not because its evil but because its premature, death should not come in the middle of the summer, the wrongness of it, Death as a trauma

Eros and thanatos, to help people orient towards eros, the love of life, work, connection, anything anti eros is part of the death instinct, driven by loss, alienation, connected to early childhood experiences, the beloved thing is not there, a loss of a loved object, a beloved pet, a relative that moved away, the loss of the object becomes the first experience of death, something i rely on, fear of being abandoned, i have fallen in the realm of the forgotten, i am now a ghost, i am deadened, It infests other less appropriate images in the psyche

Death, the final mystery, the territory one cannot visit, facing the uncertainty, we displace that uncertainty in all kinds of life projects, make a lot of money, do good social justice things in the world, pushing our awareness of death to the background because we are leading a heroic life, we are engaged, we are getting another degree, thousands of things, my passions, achievements, If we have evidence of our own dynamism, that is the antithesis of the receding into the great dark… The death mother, the underworld, the cave, the womb, Death and rebirth central theme in most initiation rituals, The more you embrace death the more you embrace life, all of life is dissolving and recoagulating, 

The egyptian book of the dead, stages the souls goes through as it absorbs and integrates its life experience and waits to be judged and passed on to eternal life or not, the initiate, to be brought from the state of death of relative ignorance to enlightenment, In the tibetan book, the soul goes through various experiences and if they are negotiated with the right attitude the soul can reach a kind of liberation, Certain schools of kabbalah, the various worlds, encounters, various aspects of the divine, angelic hierarchies, all of these leading to some sense of understanding the life that one has lived in such a way that we can integrate what is best and come to a moral and ethical stance of what we wish we could had done better and might do better in the future, a gate, a promise that there could come another time to do better, to come closer to perfection in one way or another

Being interested in the way we function inside ourselves, examining our thoughts, complexes, reactions, going into the inner world an seeking to resolve the suffering inside of us that has ethical, behavioral, emotional, attitudinal causes in the hope that freedom could be attained within us, for jung, freedom is the capacity to most fully express the deepest and the divine blueprint that has been apportioned uniquely to us… an unique part of ourselves that is obstructed and anything we can do to unobstruct the divine spark inside of us is the path and the way, that which we fail to unobstruct is what we will have to confront after death, so why don't we do it now?

Live. live no matter what religious or philosophical tradition, there are stages of growth of your own innate potential if you really live in your potential try to be self aware, reflect, when is time to die, you will be less afraid

IF I ACCEPT DEATH THEN MY TREE GREENS, since dying increases life if i plunge into death encompassing the world

[nihiltism]

won't you please give me oc number 7

okay so both u and casey (hi casey if u see this!!) asked for 7 so hm. alright that would be mimii whos like?? a semi sona of mine?? i also cannot figure out how to color them to save my life since i think mis colors change depending on how theyre feeling anyway. heres a doodle

very shaped little guy, i think. anyway mimii goes by they/mi and i think i have already talked about mi before but i Will talk about mi again. anyway their Thing is that mis a little blobby fellow and an Involuntary Shapeshifter^tm which is fantasy language for what if masking was really literal and even more inconvenient. anyway yeah usually when theyre talking to someone else their form sorta Shifts to look like said other person but like. its like that one ditto from the pokemon anime right mimii still looks like mimii just Rearranged. i have a sketch page of them mimicking other characters but since ive only introduced hugslug so far heres them being a slug

anyway mi is The Actual Definition Of An Identity Crisis since yknow. they really dont know how much of an identity they Have on their own or if mis just accidentally stealing traits from other people. the fun part of this is that i dont have a good moral or specific way theyll end up viewing miself by the end because mis a semi sona and i Also dont know what the fuck im doing. as for right now i think theyre just doing their best. they still dont exactly know what mis deal is but mis kind of just decided "well. im me. i cant be anything less than that at least" which might be a copout but again its a sona shut up

also mi melts if theyre stressed out. they just need a friend who will put them in a bucket in the fridge and sit nearby just to let mi know theyre still there until they recoagulate. dont we all need a friend like that

also they have about the same texture as one of those silicone or rubber stim toys. mi Is a blob of goo but they arent very sticky theyre just a bit bouncy.

i Might have a plot with mi. i might not. theyre just a little guy i wish i was a blob with easier to visualize problems. still problems but at least they arent entirely in my brains. yeah

[caveatauditor]

Best albums of 2019

I am a strong believer in belated music lists. Hindsight! The past year was stressful for me even before COVID-19 broke, and my favorite music was on average noisier and more irritating than usual. I find comfort and excitement in a mischievous sensibility; if music as chaotic and unpleasant as Jpegmafia’s can hold together, maybe there’s hope yet.

1. 100 Gecs, 1000 Gecs

I’m addicted to everything that I see, yeah! Including screamo death growls, Auto-Tuned cackles, comically heavyhanded drops, pop-punk bangers in disguise, secretly tender love confessions, insanely catchy hooks, and flimsy guitar trash. This marvelous album throws every absurd pop trope of the past decade into a kaleidoscopic blender, spitting out a misshapen musical wind-up toy that never stops exploding and recoagulating, falling down a flight of stairs and revealing a new ghastly face with each bounce. Taken as some musical equivalent of shitposting by writers who think irony and sarcasm are the same, it’s a pop mindfuck that computes emotionally, as awkward kids and/or evil spirits of chaos Laura Les and Dylan Brady make their voices big and ugly and demented because that’s how they feel. Anyway, shitposting is its own species of rock & roll.

2. Taylor Swift, Lover

To be straight is for experience to confirm expectations. Taylor Swift has written about the delight of watching fantasies fulfilled (“Today Was a Fairytale”), renewed (“Begin Again”), or constructed (“Wildest Dreams”). Even when putatively rejecting conventional heteromance, she also sneakily reconstructs it by using its same vocabulary (“Speak Now”). Her best songs address not just desire but the stories we tell about desire, the moments when dreams and reality converge. But Lover is the first time she’s written about the delight of watching experience surpass expactations, the moment when fantasies are gleefully, unexpectedly discarded for something better (“I once believed love would be burning red, but it’s golden” is a lyric whose emotional force requires no familiarity with her catalogue). It radiates calm, a long exhaled breath after years of drama. She made a monogamous maturity move her queerest album, and the colorful electronic beats sound so pretty in the afterglow.

3. Lana Del Rey, Norman Fucking Rockwell

A quietly hysterical collection of observed Hollywood singer-songwriter fictions, played on the piano by a glamorous lady of the canyon who has just shooed guests out of her shag-carpeted parlor and drawn her nicotine-stained curtains after watching California tumble into the sea. In the same year hating boomers became mainstream, the year’s most critically acclaimed album was also a tribute to the most boomerific of rock critics. Greil Marcus, of course, whose taste has never before been so exquisitely pandered to, and I think that’s beautiful.

4. Blueface, Dirt Bag

Blueface doesn’t rap off beat, it’s the beat that can’t keep up. Or as Blueface himself puts it: “I’m literally talking in this bitch and it’s still knockin!” Or as Greg Tate puts it in “The Persistence of Vision: Storyboard P”: “At moments of revolution in artistic form, innovation frequently involves discarding flashy displays of technique. The reduction of ostentatious moves in favour of subtler ones is often read as laziness or limited ability (Flyboy 2: 86).”

5. Jpegmafia, All My Heroes Are Cornballs

Jammed up by jerky segues and pauses, constantly shifting to the next random thing in an endless procession of abrasive diversions, this experimental rap clusterbomb fashions a music of dynamic impatience, wrenching ugly harmonic convergence from the splattering of keyboard doodles, industrial crunches, electronic glitches, roaring guitars, death-factory sirens, repressed shrieks, goopy fusion keyboards, smears of electronic color. Jpegmafia’s rhymes compute mainly as yet more barrage, more proper nouns competing for your attention, but there’s a mischievous energy in his voice that adds a crucial smidgen of humanity. If this music seems the product of online information overload, it’s also the sound of working in the gig economy and/or the service industry, where “directed attention fatigue” has become a cautionary buzzword. My headaches feel like “Rap Grow Old & Die x No Child Left Behind”.

6. Otoboke Beaver, Itekoma Hits

Hardcore punk as hardcore comedy. Rage channeled into hyperactivity. Gnarled riffs and howled tantrums played at violent speed. Keening voices letting loose because they can’t hold the noise inside. Tension and release games crammed with sonic jokes. Tempo changes and dynamic jerks that seem tokens of the band’s impatience but in fact work as tension-building devices, with explosive kickback later--or now! Dissonance as byproduct of acceleration. In the playful intricacy of their group shout-singing I hear the Raincoats too. Angry giggles. Boom!

7. Kim Gordon, No Home Record

Lacking the guitars of her former bandmates, she threw a wall of synthesized barbed wire around some of her meanest basslines ever and made something unprecedented, for her and Sonic Youth--electroindustrial, basically, riding a bass rumble so deep it overpowers the music. The spoken pieces here (“Don’t Play It”, “Cookie Butter”) initially recall her willful avant-filler on A Thousand Leaves and NYC Ghosts & Flowers; then you notice how much more brutally these tracks bring the noise.

8. Kankyo Ongaku: Japanese Ambient, Environmental & New Age Music 1980-1990

Billed as ambient but sprightlier than the aesthetic that term suggests to an American audience, this two-hour set captures a moment in Japanese music history when the influence of Erik Satie and John Cage intersected with new ideas about architectural acoustics, inspiring a craze for minimalist electronica designed to peacefully fill a space (as in-store music for Muji, say). Lent contemporary relevance by the influx of chill lo-fi hip-hop beats to study to as well as the vaporwave-derived fascinations with banality and nostalgia, it’s considerably more beautiful than those lineages would imply, as tranquil and friendly as a book of nature poems. These pieces abound with cute tunelets, yet derive their spacious charm from nonmelodic elements--bells, pitched percussion, and the recorded outdoors: running water, chattering birds. Unlike most ambient music, they are not self-contained; when played outside, the synthesizers merge with the sounds of the city.

9. Teejayx6, The Swipe Lessons

By styling himself as an expert scammer, Teejayx6 invents a new internet-era edition of gangsta macho: he’s a master criminal, king of the deep web, fluent in cryptocurrency, relying on his wits to stay ahead of the online piracy brigade. Don’t cross him, lest he steal your grandmother’s social security number. Over darkly stylized beats, his chattering, perpetually surprised flow enters a realm of formal delight accessible to only the most playful. When he hits you with the requisite “All my fans, I really wouldn’t even scam you, I was just playing,” he acknowledges the figurative nature of the game.

10. Clairo, Immunity

A queer adolescent musical diary, tracing the highs and lows of a conflicted relationship that ends ambiguously. Rostam’s production lapses into self-parody exactly once, with the harpsichord flourishes on “Impossible”; otherwise the smoky bedroom-pop shimmer is flawless. “Sofia” exists for inclusion on romantic playlists. 

[ladyfl4me]

good morning, fellas, it is 12:18 in the FUCKING am, and my eyes are about to fall out of my head. but the chapter’s done! i hope y’all like it. if there are any major proofing errors or formatting fuckups, it’s past midnight and i sat down to begin this chapter at 2 in the afternoon. i’ve been writing nonstop and my eyes hurt. i’ll go back and comb it over when my brain’s recoagulated, though.

if you have no idea what this is about, feel free to click here and start at the beginning, to read some funky little speculative factoids about mothman’s involvement in agent stern’s early life. also, ned is there. and you’ll be in for a wild ride for the next ten chapters. thanks for reading, y’all!

[loirafey]

The difference between plasma and serum

Plasma is the whole blood leaving the blood vessel after anticoagulation treatment and centrifugation to obtain a cell-free liquid containing fibrinogen (fibrinogen can be converted into fibrin, which has a clotting effect). When calcium ions are added to the plasma, the plasma will recoagulate, so the plasma does not contain free calcium ions. Serum is the liquid released from the blood clot after coagulation of isolated blood. There is no fibrinogen in it, but it contains free calcium ions. If calcium ions are added to it, the serum will not coagulate again. In addition, another difference between plasma and serum is that there are a lot less coagulation factors in serum, and a lot more coagulation products. In addition, the serum contains specific immune antibodies (such as antitoxin or lectin) immune serum (antibiotic serum).

[nihiltism]

least sexy things abt my ocs goes as follows. the grave robberies. probably hasnt had access to a shower in at least 3 years. heart got ripped out by vultures that one time. worst fashion sense known to man (also a billion eyes thats probably worth mentioning). probably wrote twilight fanfiction. intentionally gets staticky and zaps you to piss you off. if they experience too much of any emotion they melt and you have to wait for them to recoagulate in the fridge.

[nihiltism]

a good friend will scrape you up off the floor, put u in a bucket and place you gently into the fridge, leaving the door open and sitting next to it in comfortable silence so you know they havent left until you recoagulate