#reid and garcia go back to pretending that side of him doesnt exist

[maschotch]

Reid and Garcia haven't had that "dad is a person? moment" yet and it shows. They know he was hurt but its a flesh wound and they don't really get that he is messed up in the mind. Where as Derek, who is always quicker to challenge Hotch, is questioning his psych eval. I love it. Derek was also the one who drove Hotch back to DC after the car bomb so he definitely had that moment already. If it wasn't before that road trip it was during.

honestlyyyyy i really love their relationships with him. they love each other—they all do—but loving isnt the same as understanding (but it does beg the question: do they love him for who he is or for who they think he is). they have this blind spot when it comes to certain aspects of hotch’s life, certain aspects of his humanity. he’s an unyielding force in their minds, a pillar of strength. it doesnt occur to them that anything could jeopardize that.. i think they all reach that revelation in their own time—if they do at all— but foyet’s attack is that reality check.

when spencer dreams of foyet who says “hotch was never the same… so none of you were ever the same…” or whatever he fucking says.. it was so real. i dont think hotch changed that much actually akhdksh which is kinda ridiculous but he’s just been through so much already?? but he didnt really change, he just doubled down on certain traits, like his protectiveness. what really changed was the way the rest of them viewed him. i dont think anyone really bothered to think of him as vulnerable. he’s just such a stable presence in their lives that they took it for granted. after foyet’s attack, that illusion shattered.

this is it for reid and garcia!! we’re seeing their assumptions challenged in real time!! they have a moment where they have to admit their leader isnt as infallible as they once thought. they’ve relied on his enduring presence for their own emotional balance.. even if they dont go to him directly for that kind of help, just knowing that he’s still here and there’s still work to be done is enough to lead on when they have nothing else. (and we do see hotch having his moments with spencer and penelope, like elephants memory and house on fire.) they just… cant imagine that going away. they havent thought of him as being so… human. but even after foyet, even if they’re still aware of it in the back of their minds, they sorta just go back to normal?? garcia calls him “sir” still and reid sometimes forgets that hotch has had similar experiences to him. they go back to how they were before, only reminded of his wholeness during emotional moments (like hit and run or the replicator)

morgan i think hit this moment a little sooner tho. form him i think it was when he heard his screams after the explosion in new york. sure he wasnt hurt too badly—not visibly anyway. but he was afraid and desperate: two things morgan hadnt ever associated with hotch before. like… he’s been defensive of hotch in the past, but still knows that hotch has been perfectly capable of handling himself. this is the first time that hes really had to feel protective of hotch.. viewed hotch as someone with weaknesses, someone who may not be able to carry his burdens on his own. i just… dont think he has the best way of showing it. because it does kinda fuck with the hierarchy of the bau dynamic and he’s not sure how to navigate through that boundary. its not as easy as protecting reid or penelope. morgan just kinda settles into challenging hotch and overanalyzing every decision. he’s just trying to make sure he’s mentally sound and ready for what they deal with every day, but its difficult to reflect that with an authority figure. he’s still gentle—of course he’s gentle—but his concern manifests in a different way than he does with the others. theres that barrier in his mind that he cant quite get past.

jj.. im not sure jj ever reaches a point of understanding with hotch. and i think thats because she thinks she already sees all of him? and he is more openly emotional with her than he may be with the others, so she feels like she never had that illusion to begin with. she’s a teacher’s pet: she thinks bc the teacher confides in her about some things that she knows everything about him. its that extra insight that makes her even more blind to the rest, to the parts he’s not sharing. but she thinks she knows it all and her perception of him never really changes.

emily meanwhile never had that illusion to begin with. they had such an antagonistic beginning that she was already able to see his flaws and imperfections. over time she grew to respect him. all of him—even the bad parts. which is why i think its fitting that she’s the one who found him. everyone’s reeling from the earthshattering revelation that their leader could get taken down, but emily’s instead dealing with nearly losing a friend. and i think that makes it easier for her to be around than the others.. he doesnt feel like a disappointment, he doesnt feel pitied, and he can just exist without worrying about how they’re never gonna look at him the same. he breathe a little easier, he can be himself without needing to hold the facade up as high. he can let his guard down

idk they just all get confronted with this challenge to their paradigm. they have to rethink the way they see him and continually remind themselves that he’s not the stoic stolid force he pretends to be. to a different extent they each register that he’s not untouchable. whether or not they accept it, the event shakes the up the team more than it normally would