#reign at least owned the fact that it was basically gossip girl set in the 16th century

[latenightsinpemberley]

You know your movie was really shitty when you got two household names to star in it as well as a Hollywood appropriate budget, yet somehow a CW teen drama is still, by far, superior to it.

[geekynerdydorkyme]

The Burn Book

To be frank, I've never been one to gossip or talk behing people's backs. This is mainly due to the fact that I never really fit in, and wasn't included in cliques, group dynamics and other drama. But these past few weeks (class weeks to be exact), I've felt like I'm litterally Cady in Mean Girls. Granted, without, the makeup, fashion and school shenanigans that come along. Besides, all of my classmates are adults, even if their behaviour is sometimes anything but. 

You see, the tragedy of Cady, in my opinion, is that she came to the battlefield known as school without any knowledge of warfare. What I mean by that is she has no idea how hypocritical people are they say one thing to your face, another behind your back. Now, at 25 I should know better than to expect people to speak candidly or be kind to everyone. But I never thought I would ever be in the middle of a battlefiled of my own.

Let me explain: I work in a real estate company that finances its own degree program for employees who have either never worked in that field before, or have experience but want to study further. Academically, I’ve been doing alright, despite my job having nothing to do with the subjects I study - but that will be for another rant. I’m in class one out of three weeks and that’s great because it gives me a break from work. However, whenever I’m in class, I’m caught up in conflicts I haven’t witnessed since middle school. And well, since wer’e back on useless drama, why not write my own Burn Book? 

So here it is, meet my class:

Horse Girl

It turns out I met her at my first interview (our degree is paid for by our company, so we went through several interviews as part of the application process). Obsessed with horses as nickname suggests. From a wealthy family (horses are expensive), but with poor manners. At first, I thought she was a spoiled brat, and she is bitchy on occasion but I get along fine with her for the most part, despite being exact opposites. I guess she’s not too bad, but she happens to be one half of the war currently raging in class.

 Boxer Girl

Man, does this girl pack a mean punch - or at least, I assume; I don't exactly want to confirm it. Here's the tea: she and horse girl were inseparable for a couple of weeks, and then it all came crashing down. I'm not privy to the details, and I haven't made any effort to, but long story short, they had to stay in the same hotel room at one point (accomodation is paid for by our company for those who don't live near the school) and fell out big time. Nowadays, our class is basically torn between them, and Boxer Girl being class president, she calls most of the shots. She reigns over a few loyal servants who help her undermine and talk shit about Horse Girl to our managers and teachers - classy, right? I mostly try to stay out of it but I have no idea where I stand with Boxer Girl: she blows hot and cold, sometimes sweet, sometimes cruel. I used to really like her, now I don't don't know what to think of her. I don't know what she thinks of me either. She’s still mostly nice, but who knows what she says of me behind my back. I have a group project with her in a while, guess I'll know then.

Soccer Haircut

Sorry but I don't know how else to define this guy. A faithful lieutenant of Boxer Girl, he's worked with the company for years and is very street-smart. He's otherwise quite bland and I find convervation with him unintesresting. 

Instagram Fashionista

No kidding, that's really what she looks like. Has also worked for the company for a while, and also follows Boxer Gril everywhere. At first I though she was really nice, now every conversation I have with her feels off, fake. And cherry on the cake: she sits beside me in class, so she's inches away as I'm typing this - yeah, sue me for writing in class 😋

Quiet Queer

Another one who's worked with the company before. Very shy and reserved, he doesn't talk much - at least with me. I haven't figured out what his deal is, if he's a friend or foe. He mostly looks uncomfortable when I chat with him, I have yet to decide if it's dislike for me or social akwardness. He seems to be on team Boxer Girl, but still hangs out with Horse Girl regularly and talks shit behind her back.

White Thug

Let’s be straigh: she’s not from the ghetto (she’s from Paris) ans has no criminal record (that I know of), but everything about the way she behaves and talk is reminiscent of the stereotypical thug. Has no care for rules whatsoever. Swears a lot, including while talking to teachers and managers. Found someone on the internet to do her homework for 100€. Has a friend who sells a suspicious amount of Apple goods online. Generally nonchalant and does not care about the impression she makes. I don't talk to her often - we don't have anything in common - but she’s okay. Used to be inseperable with a nice fellow she studied with in Paris, who since dropped out.

Tiny Chatterbox

Not even exagerating, she’s always talking, be it to someone or on the phone. She’s the size of a peanut but makes up for it with unsuspected might: if you cross her, she’ll end you. While she speaks her mind, she doesn’t take any good opportunity to shut up, which owed her the wrath of Boxer Girl. See, Tiny Chatterbox is a typical French: constantly complaining - most of the previously mentionned people do the same however - and that doesn’t seat well with Boxer Girl - who also complains a lot and even encourages people to complain, by the way. She seems oblivious to it though. Overall, I enjoy her company when I find myself in it, but even I see how others might find her annoying.

Rosa Parks

So, her nickname came to mind because she explained once how she, a black woman, refused to give up her seat on a train for a white woman who falsely claimed it was hers. If that weren’t enough to earn my respect, she’s the oldest of our class by a long shot and went back to school after being laid off from her previous job, all while being a single mom. That can’t be easy and I kinda admire her. She’s very level-headed and nice to talk to. Mostly hangs out with Tiny Chatterbox.

Little Miss Moody

The youngest in our class, she used to be friends with Horse Girl, but has since switched sides. I have worked on group projects with her and I have no complaints about it, she did her part well and she’s rather smart. I’m kinda taken aback by her attitude though: she usually looks uninterested or pissed off at whatever is going on around her, whether it’s class or conversation. Sometimes rude. Spends most of her time on her phone or ignoring others when she’s not with her chosen faction. 

Chainsmoking  Artist

Got in through his uncle who works for the company. Quiet but confident, good sense of humor, nice tattoos and sweet smile. Draws in class when he’s not taking notes - and he’s quite talented. Constantly smells of cigarettes. I often work with him on group projects and so far so good. I might also have a teeny tiny crush on him that I don't really wanna admit - he has a girlfriend though, forget it. Because he’s so quiet, it’s hard to tell if he’s taking sides for either Horse Girl or Boxer Girl. He appears to get along with everyone, but I can’t tell if he really is a good guy or if it’s just an act.

Aloof 

I thought very hard but I have no other word to describe him. One of the oldest of the bunch. Always late. Never pays attention, but asks for your notes later. Not a good study partner - in fact, everyone does their best to avoid being paired with him on group projects. It’s not that isn’t smart, he just doesn’t pick up the tempo and wastes time on pointless things. Very weird and quirky, which I don't mind, but also rude, which I do mind. That whole package makes him akin to a 30-year-old toddler and has isolated him from everyone; basically, only Chainsmoking Artist hangs out with him.

So, why is this bunch troubling me so? Technically, they’re not. But all this hypocrisy has been getting to my head. I haven’t been this concerned with the impression I made - other than being professionnal - or how people perceived me, in a long time. In a different setting, a class like this might be an opportunity for seeking friendships, but what kind of friendship is based of wondering if the other party genuinely likes your company or if they dispise you and are putting up a front to make fun of you behind your back?

Okay, I might have a slight bullying-related PTSD, but surely that doesn’t explain the unfriendly atmosphere every one in three weeks. On the surface, I get along with almost everyone, which doesn’t mean that I like them. I’m friendly when I can, polite when I must. Should you dig a little deeper, it’s rare for me to keep conversation going if I’m alone with anyone - then again, it’s rare for me to do so in most circumstances. But head my words: none of the people mentionned above is my friend. None is my enemy either. I refuse to get pulled further in their stupid conflict, and if they had a problem with it, they can come to me - which they won’t, since it would require speaking their mind, for once.

In any case, what a way to end a I-don’t-even-know-how-long hiatus. I’ve been busy - again. In my defense, work, studies and anxiety barely left me any time for myself. I’ll dwell more on that in another post. For now, take care 💜

Until next time 😉