#remus grimm and the terrible horrible no good very bad month

[wastelandcrown]

logan lark’s adventures in trying to appease his parents

CHAPTER 5: helpless

Summary: Logan Lark is a fairly average high school student. By all means, he should be impressing his parents on all grounds. Except...he doesn’t exactly have a social life. So after his parents give him puppy dog eyes, he decides to join the local theatre's youth production. Good grief...His life is about to get weird isn’t it?

Warnings: Potential ooc behavior, Roman is a teenager who makes bad choices, Remus being Remus, Emojis (If I miss something please tell me!)

Notes: This fic is based off an idea from @under-the-blue-moonlight. If you wanna be tagged in chapters, please ask!! Here’s the fluff before the storm!! Next chapter two chapters are Heavy.

Pairings: Intrulogical, Eventual Rociet, One-Sided Logicality, Platonic DRLAMP

Word Count: 3296

Tagslist: @under-the-blue-moonlight @why-should-i-tell-youu2 @im-actually-ok @hauntedturkeycalzonedreamer @croftersjam15 @rainbowsixth @snaketho 

His newfound appreciation for Patton didn’t change the fact that the idea of losing his first kiss to a stage performance sent shivers down his spine. 

It’s not like he didn’t like Patton! That wasn’t it at all! Patton has been sailing in the high numbers ever since they had hung out at his home, Virgil had even made a group chat for the three of them where they talked regularly. It’s just that Patton was Patton. And Patton was certainly not his type. They had tried to practice helpless, but Janus kept telling them they were missing something. Remus said Logan sounded like a “sexless moron”, and though Patton disagreed and blushed furiously, Logan knew he was right. He had never had a boyfriend, let alone a crush on a boy. He knew he was gay because he found certain boys attractive, but he had never liked a guy like that. Yet. 

He figured it would happen at some point, but until that point...he would have to be clueless. He ended up spending a lot of time with Remus as rehearsal continued. Though Patton wasn’t fond of him, he was Roman Repellent ninety percent of the time. Pretending that was all he wanted from Remus was easy. The other option was acknowledging how much he genuinely liked Remus. The whole time he’d known him, he’d told himself to steer clear of him. He’d never managed to do it, but he still told himself to. Something about Remus was interesting. He was a sort of enigmatic person who you could never figure out beyond the persona they portrayed. Logan was nothing if not inquisitive. 

Sitting in the tech booth with Virgil and Remus, watching the Schuyler Sisters vocal practice, he couldn’t really be mad when Remus’ legs fell into his lap. They were in such close proximity, and Remus always seemed to have a need to touch people. Remus is talking about something mindless, and Logan is listening intently.

“If they have the gun, why wouldn’t they just shoot him?” Logan asks.

“That’s what I said! It’s like they don’t care about efficiency! You don’t have to torture every character!” 

“Honestly, I cannot believe they would disregard the gun like that. Why introduce it in the first place?” 

Virgil looks at Logan inquisitively, “Logan, do you even watch that show?” 

“No,” Logan muttered, “Remus just tells me about it a lot.”

“I have no idea how you’re able to follow his train of thought, I have a hard time listening to him about regular stuff, let alone his favourite things.” Virgil says, and Logan knows he doesn’t mean it in a bad or mean way. Anxiety can make a person have a hard time listening, Logan just thinks it’s easy to listen to Remus. 

He’s called back to the stage, so he can practice Helpless with Patton again. Remus moves his legs and pulls Logan up to his feet. They are standing nearly chest to chest for a few seconds, and Logan notices each time they’re this close how tall Remus is. He’s a little over a head taller than he is, and it's jarring to him. Remus pulls him down the tech booth stairs by the hand, practically dragging him like a rag doll. Virgil should feel lucky that Logan didn’t catch his snicker at Logan’s expense. Once Remus is beside his brother in the audience, they begin. 

Patton’s performance is adorable, as usual. For Remus’ tastes it’s a little fluffy, but that’s the song for you. Much too full of innocence, he was about ready to beg for his chance to sing as Maria. He knew he had to wait his turn. Watching Logan’s performance was downright painful. His romantic face was a simple, deadpan thing, and he had flirted with enough boys to know you should never look that bland. Bland of emotion, not bland in general. No, absolutely not. Remus was well aware that Logan was hot, just in the way that cool anime boys are hot. All cold and domineering, but secretly an absolute angel. Remus planned on changing that angelic nature, but he had to give it time. Logan’s rap was abysmal in terms of emotion, and by the time it was over even Patton was cringing a little. 

Roman nudged Remus, smirking as he whispered, “I think he’s hopeless.”

“I think he could use a good teacher,” Remus smiled at Roman’s wide eyed reaction.

“You can’t possibly mean you can you?”

“Oh, I absolutely mean me.” 

Bounding up the stage stairs, Remus forced himself between Logan and Patton who were discussing the performance. Grabbing Logan by the hands excitedly, Remus beamed at him. Logan knew he had a very stupid plan just from the way he smiled. 

“Logie-bear, let me be your personal coach on how to not be an absolutely sexless moron!” 

The entire theatre went quiet.

“Remus, shouldn’t I be the one to help Logan?” Patton asked softly, his smile was nervous and Logan didn’t know why, “I am playing Eliza, aren’t I?”

“Yeah, well, you aren’t exactly dripping in hoes, are you Patton?”

“Wha-That’s not very nice! No, I am not dripping in….h-o-es, but that doesn’t mean you should help him!”

“I wouldn’t mind the help,” Logan chimes in, “I really didn’t want to have to ask Janus or Roman. Remus seems like the best option. He can give me pointers.” 

Patton could argue that Janus and Roman were much better at romance than Remus could ever be, but if Logan really thought Remus was the best option he couldn’t say no. 

When they met up at lunch, the room they had found was empty aside from the three of them. This would prove to be a bit of a mistake. When Logan made a mistake and it was called out by Remus with a quip or a joke about his romance abilities, Patton seemed to get a little huffy. Logan enjoyed his encouragement from Patton, but the comments from Remus always made him force away a smile. He was brutally honest, and Logan liked that. He wanted to be told when he looked like a complete doofus. Patton seemed to not agree, and interjected a lot on Logan’s behalf. After the first few runs, Remus seemed to be getting agitated. All it took was one more comment from Patton before Remus dragged him out by the wrist and shut the door behind them. Logan couldn’t help but wonder why. 

“Will you stop that?” Remus hissed at Patton, they were around the corner but he was trying to be quiet in case Logan was eavesdropping.

“Stop what? Trying to support Logan? You’re just being mean to him!” Patton whispered back, obviously thinking the same.

Rolling his eyes, Remus let out a big huff of amusement, “You’re really dumb, aren’t you Padre? Look at him! He might be hot, but his whole face is like a dead fish when he’s trying to be romantic!” 

“Wait, what?”

“What?” 

Patton blinked slowly, staring at Remus like he had two heads.

“Patton, if I’ve suddenly grown a dick out of my forehead that’s stood at full mast and oozing baby goo, I’d love to hear about it.”

That made Patton recoil, but he raised his voice above an angry whisper to say, “You think he’s hot?”

“I mean...duh? You’re telling me you haven’t noticed?” 

“No! No-I’ve-I’ve noticed! I just-” Patton stops, and Remus is confused now.

With a nervous laugh, Patton mutters, “It’s fine, it’s not like you’re actually trying to...Maria him. Heh.” 

“Oh no, I am. I’ve been flirting with him this whole time, I think he’s just fucking dense.”

With that Remus watches Patton go pale, and force himself back into their practice room. Remus doesn’t follow. He’s pushed enough. If Patton decides to tell Logan though, Remus may have to kill him. He trudges over to the boys dressing room and throws the door open dramatically.

“What’s wrong?” Roman asks with a smirk, “Love confession gone wrong?”

“Pft. More like a bitchy third wheel.” 

Remus lays on the ground, gently bumping his head into Roman’s knee and keeping it there. Roman moves a hand to pat his brother's head, but ends up carding a hand through his hair. 

“Do you wanna pout about it or plan some thematically appropriate revenge?”

Remus lights up, craning his head up to stare at his brother, “I thought you hated Logan!”

“Oh, I do. That’s why I think he should date you.”

They both laugh, and then they get to work. 

After flashing puppy dog eyes to Janus, they manage to convince him to help set up their exclusive after hours group practice. Somehow they rope in Remy, Emile, Logan, and Virgil. They know Emile, Logan, and Virgil will bring Patton. They also know that this is the perfect time for both their agendas. If Roman perpetuates drama, maybe Logan will get stressed and leave. If Remus gets to act out seducing, and-or marrying, Logan, then maybe he’ll have a chance at getting his number. He’ll have to try and get Logan to practice romance with him, because if he waits until he’s Maria he may have lost Logan to the unthinkable. Patton.

The teenagers all meet at a public park picnic table at around six. Patton, Virgil, Remy, and Emile sit on a blanket Patton brought from his car. Roman, Janus, Remus, and Logan sit at the picnic table, though none of them are sitting correctly. Roman takes the lead, standing on the table and addressing the group. 

“My stupid brother and I have brought you all here today for an extra special practice session! We, the leads, have much work to do!” 

Remus nods excitedly in agreement, “I personally think our first order of business should be to help Nerdy McSpecks to not look like getting it on is his worst fear!”

Most people laugh at this, and Logan even smirks a little.

“I’m more than willing to work on that first! It sounds like fun!” Patton chimes in, getting a nod of agreement from Virgil who is splayed out on the grass with his hood pulled over his face. 

“So that Logan can be most equipped, everyone who wants to can try and be Eliza!” Remus calls out loudly, and Remy chokes back laughter.

“That’s totally not just for Remus.” Janus mutters, but Logan catches it.

He’s confused now. If Remus wanted to help him practice he should have just asked? He’s certain that a guy like Remus would ask, but he disappeared at lunch. Logan wonders whether he was embarrassed to ask, but that couldn’t be it. Remus was never embarrassed. Had Patton said something to him in the hall? No, no, he wouldn’t have! Logan is zapped into his own mind, not realizing everyone is looking at him for a response until Patton speaks up.

“Well, he doesn’t have to practice with Remus is he doesn’t want to,” 

He shakes his head, “That’s not it. I was only wondering why Remus hadn’t asked before. It’s out of character for him.”

Remus cackles like a witch and grips his stomach like that was the funniest thing he’s ever heard, “Worried about me, Logie-bear?”

“Should I be? If so, then yes.” 

The whole group was silent until Remus laughed again, giving Logan a playful kick. 

“Get on with your marriage to Patton, loverboy!” 

The practice with Patton went about as well as it did in the theatre. Virgil had a clear view now, and was trying desperately not to break into a fit of laughter at Logan’s expense. It really was funny, the lack of emotion in his face seemed like it was purposeful rather than a genuine lack of knowledge. When they were finished, Remus popped up, taking Patton’s place in front of Logan. 

“First step to flirtation!” Remus begins loudly, most of the group deciding to tune them out while he instructed, “Lose your self-respect!”

“...Absolutely not.”

“Logan, boobear, you need to lose something to get the emotional stick out of your ass!” 

Logan didn’t respond, looking away from Remus. That...that one did hurt. Even if he knew he wasn’t the most emotional person, it wasn’t exactly nice to hear. 

Of course, Remus noticed, “Hey-Uh-I didn’t mean it like that! Maybe...Maybe…” 

A light bulb goes off in his head and he grabs Logan’s hands, he beams as he drags Logan further out into the grass. 

“Remus, what are you-” 

He doesn’t get to finish, Remus places a hand on Logan’s hip and holds the other tightly. 

There’s nothing he can do but follow his lead, getting another very close look at Remus as he places his hand tentatively on Remus’ shoulder. Today his makeup is purple, and his eyes look a lot less wild. His shirt has the name of a band Logan’s never heard of on the front, and his leather jacket is covered in patches and spikes. There’s no mistaking the distinct scent of Roman’s rose perfume, surely he was doused in it after practice to make up for taking a bite out of his deodorant instead of putting it on. Usually it smells awful and makes Logan want to gag, but something about a scent so sweet on a person so wild almost makes Logan lose his grip. Dancing with him is mindless, he’s being led like they’ve danced together a thousand times. When Remus raises his arm and spins Logan out, his demeanor breaks. He smiles softly, not because of the dancing, but because Remus is looking at him with the widest grin he’s ever seen. His teeth are so sharp, and on his face it looks so right. 

He feels breathless when Remus spins him back in.

“You look happy,” He chimes into his ear, “Could it be that I’m already a talented seductress?”

Logan presses his head back into Remus’ chest and really laughs for the first time in a long time. 

“Eliza,” Logan starts slowly, moving back to dancing position, “I don’t have a dollar to my name.”

Remus is confused for a moment, then has to fight back his blush.

“An acre of land, a troupe to command, a dollop of fame,” Logan has no idea the group is staring at the pair. 

He’s wrapped up in dancing, a sweet smile on his face, “All I have’s my honor, a tolerance for pain, a couple of college credits and-”

“Your top notch brain,” Remus spins Logan again, and boops his nose before he returns a hand to his hip. 

He can’t help but laugh again, “Insane, your family brings out a different side of me, Peggy confides in me. Angelica tried to take a bite of me-”

Remus feigns an offended gasp at this which makes Logan laugh a third time, “No stress, my love for you is never in doubt,”

Now Remus can’t stop the blush on his cheeks, with the combination of the lyrics and Logan’s laughter there’s no way he wouldn’t. 

“We’ll get a little place in Harlem and we’ll figure it out,” 

The dancing has led them into a more secluded area now, and though the others are peering through trees to try and see the pair but they can only see their legs. 

“I’ve been living without a family since I was a child,” They stop dancing and stand and sway together. 

Logan and Remus stand chest to chest, “My father left, my mother died, I grew up buck wild.”

“That’s more of a me thing-”

Logan rolls his eyes and plays him off, “But I’ll never forget my mother’s face, that was real.”

He raises a hand and cups Remus’ cheek like he does in practice with Patton, and Remus nuzzles into his palm. Patton does that too, but somehow this feels more...intimate. It must be the privacy.

“As long as I’m alive, Eliza, I swear to god, you’ll never feel so…” 

Remus clears his throat then moves his head out of Logan’s hand, but doesn’t step away.

“If you’re that good with me, why not in practice?”

Logan is compelled to tell the truth, “Don’t laugh.”

“Mmm, No promises.” He’s clearly teasing, Logan knows him well enough to know he means he won’t.

“I have to kiss Patton at the end of the song. I think it freaks me out. I-I’ve never-” 

Remus smirks, he squeezes Logan’s hip a little, “You know you have to kiss me too, right?” 

“Somehow, that freaks me out less.” He admits, because he’s on a particularly honest streak. He doesn’t know why the idea of kissing Remus doesn’t perturb him. He watched him bite his own deodorant stick today. Bite, chew, and swallow. 

“You know that’s weird as shit, right? Patton looks like the definition of a good kid, and is basically the sweetest person ever. You’d rather lock lips with the resident fucktard?”

“I don’t think of you like that.”

Remus has to take a step back and cover his face with the sleeve of his jacket. 

“Logan,” Remus starts in the quietest voice he can manage, “You know you don’t have to kiss either of us, right?”

Logan makes an agreeable noise and nods, so Remus takes his arm back off his face. 

“If it’s somehow less weird for me to be your first kiss, then you know I’d kiss you right?”

Whipping his head around and looking slightly shocked, Logan whispers, “Right here?”

“Take me for a coward, Logie-bear?” He teases, stepping back into Logan’s personal space.

Logan smiles wide, something he’s going to have to grow accustomed to Remus drawing out of him, “Only on occasion.” 

Which is somehow the perfect answer for Remus, who laughs beautifully and takes Logan’s chin in his hand. The kiss is short but more delicate than anything Logan had ever witnessed Remus do.

Moments after, Janus yells at them to stop making out, and Remus throws himself through the trees to yell at him. 

Logan has to take a moment and take in the fading tingle on his lips, it’s magnetic. 

“Logan?” Patton had come looking for him, “You okay?”

“Yes, very. Remus was very helpful.”

Patton smiles at him, “I saw that laughing you did! You looked so happy!”

“I…” Logan is stunned from words, but Patton picks up the slack. 

“It’s okay, I get it! Virgil gets embarrassed about laughing like that too!” 

He follows Patton back to the group, and they move on. Logan’s mind won’t stop racing, and he can’t stop thinking about Remus. Patton and Remus are critiquing Janus’ performance of Wait For It while Logan sits with Virgil in the grass. 

“Do you want his number?”

“Whose?”

“Remus’ number. Do you want it?”

“Why would I-”

“You looked like you wanted it.”

In the end, he gets Remus’ number. He texts him later that night after he finds himself unable to sleep and unsure why.

‘I apologize for the late hour, but this is Logan. I couldn’t sleep, and Virgil gave me your number this evening, so you can see as to why I am texting you now. I wanted to thank you for all your help today. I had fun, which surprises me. I do not say that often.’

Barely a minute later, he gets a response.

‘😍😍😘😘OH MY GOD LOGIE-BEAR YOU ASKED FOR MY NUMBER!? YOU SHOULD HAVE JUST ASKED ME!! 😍😍😘😘🤬🤬🤬Anyyyyyywayyyyyy If you can’t sleep maybe I can entertain you ;)))😳😳😳😳’

‘I would enjoy that. Isn’t there a new episode of that show you like out tonight?’

‘THERE IS!! I can’t believe you remembered 💕💖💕💖💕💖SO I’ll give you my IN DETAIL thoughts on this weeks 🤬🤬HUGE fucking disappointment!🤬🤬’

Logan didn’t end up sleeping until the early hours of the morning.