#reposting cuz my answers got messed up somehow

[veraynes-blog]

Fave Shows tag game

Rules: List 5 favourite shows (in no particular order) and answer questions accordingly.

Doctor Who

Good Omens

Life on Mars

Blackpool

The Thick of It

@johnsimms thank you for tagging me, this one was super fun to think about!

(Nobody look at me about the fact there are maybe 3 individual actors stretched across those 5 shows, I am. Aware. 😶)

~

1. Who is your favourite character in 2?

I feel slightly like I’ll get lynched for picking a favourite, but - Crowley. Hands down. Not just for the DT factor, although I’m sure it contributes. I just really love everything about how his character is presented in the TV show, from all his performative showing off to the very obvious insecurities and nerves he’s trying to cover up at any given moment, I think he’s lovely. I want to wrap him in a blanket and give him tea. Which is very Aziraphale-coded of me.

2. Who is your least favourite character in 1?

Uhh… that’s a vast sea of characters you’re asking me to pick from. I can’t pick villains, cuz let’s face it my very favourite is the most villain. If I restrict myself to main companions, I guess… Yaz? I know that will be an unpopular opinion, I just don’t think she was super compelling as a character, and her relationship with the Doctor felt very anticlimactic to me, so as a companion she just fell flat for me.

3. What’s your favourite episode of 4?

I’m trying to pick… Either episode 2, because of the scene where Carlisle and Natalie go on the date in the drag club (because, unironically, I remember getting actual butterflies at how romantic I thought it was), or the final episode 6,  watching Carlisle throw caution to the wind and fully come into his own as utter manipulative bastard to get what he wants. Actually, yeah, that one.

4. What is your favourite season of 5?

Because I tend to watch them all in one big chunk, I’m struggling to remember what even happens in separate seasons. I really liked Hugh in it, so either Season 1 or 2.

5. What’s your favourite relationship in 3?

Sam and Gene. Easy one! 😄 I don’t even care if it’s platonic or romantic, I think they had amazing chemistry that clashed against each other constantly and made it so compelling to watch. I love that they very genuinely irritate the life out of each other and just as reluctantly like each other.

6. Who is your anti relationship in 2?

Think I’m going to have to steal an answer here, but Newt and Anathema because I also don’t like the ‘prophesy said so I guess’ foundation of it. It didn’t bother me massively as a pairing, I just wasn’t very interested in it.

7. How long have you watched 1?

Casually since I was 15 and it started coming out again in 2005. I’ve watched every new series with my mum, but only joined the fandom (got obsessive) around 2019.

8. How did you become interested in 3?

John Simm. That’s the whole answer. My joining the Doctor Who fandom led to TenSimm shipping, and from there stalking the filmography of both David Tennant and John Simm as truly excellent actors. I watched a lot of shows I’d missed out on previously from them both during the downtime of the pandemic, Life on Mars was an enduring favourite.

9. Who is your favourite actor in 4?

I mean… does it even need stating since DT is a lead in 3 of my 5 picks? Definitely David Tennant (although Blackpool sold me on David Morrissey as a great actor as well, he’d be a close second).

10. Which show do you prefer 1, 2 or 5?

Difficult. In terms of raw numbers, I’ve rewatched TTOI more than any of them, I used to play the four seasons on literal repeat for days. Good Omens makes me giddier than anything I’ve ever watched. But in terms of longevity of interest, I’d have to say DW.

11. Which show have you seen more episodes of 1 or 3?

That feels a very unfair comparison given Doctor Who is as long-running as it is, but yeah easily Doctor Who. 😅

12. If you could be anyone from 4, who would you be?

I guess Natalie?? Swept off her feet by a dreamy looking guy absolutely set on breaking law and morals to be with her? Yeah I’d be okay with that. 👀

13. How would you kill off your favourite character in 5?

Well, that’s Malcolm, so I guess shady political assassination? Something that generates conspiracy theories and memoirs and newspaper thinkpieces for years afterwards. It’s what he would have wanted. ✌️😔

14. Would a 3/4 crossover work?

Yes. Oh my god yes. 😶 Can you imagine?? People start breaking into song and Sam is convinced he’s off his coma meds again. Carlisle fully willing to out-shade Gene. The clash of Manchester and Scottish slang. DT and John Simm working together again, the chemistry.

Quick, somebody please slap together a fanvid or a fanfic or a headcanon or something, I am possessed by this idea. 🤯

15. Pair two characters in 1 that would make an unlikely, but strangely okay couple.

I’m gonna be basic and still think about the Doctor/Master pairing, but if we’re talking unusual iterations of it… Spymaster and Ten just absolutely outdoing each other in the needy olympics would be fascinating. Thirteen and Missy is a close second. Missy would so appreciate Thirteen’s barely-contained feral vibes. She’d wanna keep her on a leash, it’d be great.

16. Overall, which show has the better cast, 3 or 5?

Ooooh that’s so difficult. I love TTOI for the insane improv skills of Capaldi and the rest of the cast, but in terms of raw chemistry it’s gotta be LoM.

Tagging @linz33y @countessrivers @imdoingawesome @roxannepolice @tardis-ghost-blog @ten-nan-th-doctor @mothmanyeetus @best-enemies @bluebird-appreciator and really anyone else who wants to have a go! A lot of the questions are super fun to answer 😊

[popopretty]

🌟GUIDE TO NAVIGATE MY BLOG🌟

So after years of using Tumblr, I finally feel the need to create a pinned post. I hope it helps you find things you need easier in this mess of a blog that I created. Also, please read the FAQs below for commonly asked questions ^^

Bungou Stray Dogs related posts:

All BSD (not spoilers free - nothing in this blog is)

Monthly chapter summaries (more like write-ups cuz I just write down everything)

Storm Bringer related posts (translations, replies to asks, summaries etc.)

The Day I Picked Up Dazai - Size A related posts

The Day I Picked Up Dazai - Size B related posts

Translations of Asagiri’s comments on characters in BSD exposition (updating irregularly)

Vanitas no Carte related posts

Toilet-bound Hanako-kun related posts

Piko related posts

My scans and translations of bonus or omakes (mostly but not all BSD)

Merch sellings, group orders (mostly but not all BSD)

Answers to asks

My BL sideblog

❓QUESTIONS I GOT ASKED A LOT❓

- Where do you find your raws? I don’t “find” them. I buy them through sites like bookwalker or animatebookstore, sometimes Amazon or just any website that provide digital books.

- Why do you always get the raws earlier? I don’t. I am the type who can’t wait so I always buy the new chapter the very moment it is released, which might make you think I somehow get the chapters before everyone. Japan has a “flash get” system where the physical stores might have things on the shelf a few days before the actual release date and I sometimes got my hands on my copy early that way but I try my best not to spoil things before the official date. (I still do sometimes when I am too excited though...)

- Will you post the raws? I don’t post raws in most of the cases. There are other people doing it already and since I am living Japan, I do want to minimize the risk of getting charged for sharing copyrights content. (Again, I still do that sometimes if I feel the need to, but most of the time, no)

- Is it okay to use your contents for this and that? It depends on the content so I always put a note at the end of the post if I don’t want it to be reposted. Honestly, I generally don’t mind sharing at all but I do want to encourage people to actually buy the stuff and support the authors. Also, sometimes I want the contents (mostly scans and videos) to stay in my Tumblr because I don’t want the authors or the Japanese fans to accidentally see it on Twitter or other more popular social platforms. If you don’t see any warnings, that means it is okay to use.

- Do you take translation requests? Normally I don’t because my time is limited (not to mention I still have lots to learn about my Japanese). Sometimes if I receive a request and I’m interested in it too, then I will find time to work on it but it might take months because I prefer to do things my pace. Same with scan requests. If it is a card I can easily scan it but I won’t go so far to bend and damage my books to scan an image.

- Do you need credits? I am happy enough at the fact that there are people checking out my blog so credits are not mandatory but are really appreciated. Unless you decide to ignore my instructions and reupload my contents without my permission, then I’d prefer you to NOT credit me please.

💋MY OTHER ACCOUNTS💋

I am actually active on many other platforms but I prefer to keep my social media accounts separated for different purpose so this blog will be the only place where I share contents.

Due to the situation where BSD accounts on Tumblr are being reported and deleted, I have created a Twitter page just for announcement purpose. If my account here gets deleted all of the sudden, you can find me there @popopretty1

By the way, I do have a Ko-fi so you can buy me a coffee if you want xDD I don’t drink coffee but I am gonna eat ice cream instead 🍦https://ko-fi.com/popopretty 🍦Thank you 🥰

I guess that’s all? I may come back and make changes to this later if I come up with anything else. Hope you have a great time here :3

[bigskydreaming]

Okay, long time followers will probably remember having read this, but I can’t find the original post and I’m trying to like.....force-reboot/jumpstart me working on my ‘Kings of the Sky’ AU again because I haven’t touched it in awhile and I have like literally eight different installments in various stages of completion and that’s ridiculous even for me. So here’s a repost of the first part of “Teachable Moments” the canon-divergence point of that AU series, where Jason calls Dick for advice after the Garzonas case and everything changes from there.

******

The way Jason Todd warily eyed the device in his hand, one might think it was an instrument of great and terrible destructive power, rather than just…his own personal cell-phone.

To be fair, he was Robin, and pretty used to the idea that even the most unlikely of things could be used for evil in Gotham. It could’ve been stolen and replaced at some point by a henchperson of Mr. Freeze, and using it could unleash some kind of cryogenic freeze ray that would turn him into a Robinsicle. Mad Hatter could be up to shit again, and dialing the phone at this very minute might mean syncing it up with a remote radio signal that would override his natural brainwaves and turn him into Tetch’s mindless minion of like…doom and stuff. Or…or…

Or sometimes, even in Gotham a phone is just a phone, and Freud is still a dumbass. And neither of the above possibilities had anything to do with why Jason was being a giant freaking pansy about entering the last digit of the phone number he would never ever admit to having had memorized for months now.

Nightwing had said to call if he ever needed to talk. He wouldn’t have done that if he didn’t actually want Jason to call, right? Like, its not as if Jason had remotely been expecting him to do that, so its not the sort of thing someone did just because it was ‘expected’ or shit. He was pretty sure. Rich people manners were weird though. Had to factor that in.

But Nightwing had also even made a point to say not talking to people about stuff was Bruce’s problem and that Jason shouldn’t let it be his problem too, and even though months ago Jason had been a starry-eyed dumbass who was totally drunk on the Bruce is the Bestest Kool-Aid or whatever, ‘Wing had definitely known what he was talking about there. So maybe he’d get it, and having this conversation with him wouldn’t be. Like. The actual worst idea in the history of ever.

Deductive logic said that Jason was getting worked up over nothing and there was no rational reason for him to be this nervous about dialing a fucking phone number. And he’d gotten pretty good at the whole deduction shit, given all the work he and Bruce had put into training his mind to view the world through entirely new paradigms, so Jason was pretty sure his math on that checked out. But on the other hand, Bruce was a hypocritical asshat that Jason was currently not speaking to, so what the fuck did he know about anything?

Aaaaand he was back to square one. Well damn. This was excellent. Very productive. Good hustle out there, Jay.

Sighing gustily, Jason flopped back on his bed, staring up at the ceiling and trying to pretend he hadn’t gotten used to how luxurious and cushion-y his ridiculously expensive mattress was. He’d gotten soft, he told himself. Then he scoffed at the idea that the past year and a half of rigorous Robin training and patrols had made him less tough than the pipsqueak he’d been back when living on the street, getting his ass kicked by bigger and badder on the regular. That hadn’t been hardness, that had been bravado.

But it had gotten him this far in life, so maybe there was something to be said for it after all?

Ugh. Decisions were hard. He objected on principle. He also really wanted to understand why he was this nervous…if he could literally fill the guy’s shoes and kick supervillain ass as Robin, what freaking sense did it make that he couldn’t even call him up on the phone?

Maybe you just know better than to ask him questions you don’t really want to hear his answer to, a smug voice said in the back of his mind. It sounded suspiciously like Willis Todd, which was all kinds of weird and fucked up, cuz Jason was damn sure his abusive a-hole of a deadbeat dad had never said anything that insightful in his life.

Which meant it was his own screwed up subconscious - presenting in the voice of his not so dearly departed douchebag dad, no less - that had Jason reacting out of spite, entering the last number and hitting Talk, all while totally on autopilot. Because apparently we’re all making healthy life choices in this Chili’s tonight, Jason snickered somewhat hysterically while his phone rang once, twice, three times.

Ugh. Was he always this fucked up in the head and he just never noticed, or was it a side effect of running around rooftops in a cape. Inquiring minds wanted to know.

“Hello?” Someone said then, answering on the fourth ring. Jason sat bolt upright, his nervous humor vanishing as quickly and unexpectedly as it’d hijacked him in the first place. For all that he’d only actually interacted with the older man a few times, his voice was instantly recognizable. As was his slight confusion.

Right. Because why would Nightwing have the untraceable number of the latest burner phone Bruce had given Jason, when the ever paranoid Bat had him swapping out phones every freaking week? Duh, Jay.

“Uh, its me,” Jason said hastily, as if he could somehow catch up to and overtake the epically long ten second silence he let lapse before his mouth started making words again. “Jason?”

“Jaybird! Hey! What’s going on?” The older vigilante’s tone instantly morphed into one of surprised delight, so apparent even across the phone that Jason actually pulled it away from his ear and stared at it, as if that could explain Nightwing’s inexplicable giddiness. He’d literally only met the dude three times. Give or take a concussion he was forgetting about maybe? Weird.

Then again, the older man was a circus performer from birth. Might just be good at faking being super excited to hear from people? Whatever. Still weird.

“Uh, you said to call if I was ever having, I dunno, issues with Bruce I guess? So I kinda had a question? I mean, if you’re not busy or anything.”

Just one question? Willis’ voice asked snidely, echoing in time with the rapid tripartite beat of Jason’s heart. Since apparently everything Jason said was trying to come out with a question mark attached to the end of it at the moment. Ugh, fuck you, subconscious, Jason thought forcefully, even as he ransacked the recesses of his mind for that bravado he was thinking about earlier. It had to be in here somewhere…

“No worries dude, I’ve got time. Hit me!” Nightwing said cheerfully. His lighthearted cadences were so at odds with the sweat suddenly breaking out on Jason’s forehead, the younger teen couldn’t help but wince in anticipation of its inevitable change once he got his actual question out. This was a bad idea, he decided, way too fucking late for it to make a difference. He had a hunch Nightwing wouldn’t be content to ‘just forget it’ or whatever even if Jason chickened out now.

So he took a deep breath, shrugged and did what Jason Todd did best. Said fuck it, put pedal to the metal, and drove at full speed for the metaphorical police barricade that was his way of picturing all the things telling him He Should Definitely Just Not.

“Do you think I’m someone who could kill somebody in like, cold blood?”

Aaaaand there went the lightheartedness. Well, he’d definitely stone cold killed that, Jason thought grimly into the silence that followed.

“Huh,” Nightwing said at last. “You’re gonna have to give me a second to switch gears here, Jay. I was kinda expecting something along the lines of ‘how do I avoid Bruce giving me the safe sex talk.’”

Jason flushed and nodded jerkily, not that the older man could see it. Still, it’d been enough of a workout just getting to this point. He didn’t trust what might come out of his mouth next if he kept trying to force it. Thankfully Nightwing didn’t make him wait too long before continuing.

“I think anyone’s capable of killing somebody in the right circumstances,” Jason’s predecessor began carefully. Except that was not remotely what he wanted to hear. Or helpful.

“I’m not looking for platitudes,” Jason grit out, not angry at the other vigilante so much as the whole fucked up mess and his inability to think about anything else at this point. “It’s just a simple fucking question. You’ve met me, do you think like, I’d be capable of just killing somebody or not.”

“I’m not offering platitudes,” Nightwing continued calmly, as if he wasn’t phased by the younger boy’s interruption or sudden aggression at all. “And its not a simple question at all. Speaking from experience, most people wouldn’t think of an eight year old as a cold-blooded killer, but that’s what I could have been if Bruce hadn’t stopped me from killing my parents’ murderer when I first tracked him down. And yet that’s still totally different from when I held a gun on Two-Face barely a couple years later, about to shoot him because somebody else told me to, and because I wanted to hurt him like he’d hurt me. Wouldn’t you agree those are two different situations and two different ‘kinds’ of cold-blooded killer? Context is kinda a big deal here.”

Huh. First off…what the fuck? Jason stared blankly up at the ceiling, trying to hurry up the processing functions of his brain because, again, what the fuck? He was like ninety nine percent positive none of that had been in the Dick Grayson Is The Greatest and Here Are All The Reasons Why brochure he’d had read to him every time someone new found out he was Wayne’s newest stray, and like. Uh. Yeah, that part would have definitely stood out. Because once more, with feeling:

“What the fuck?”

Oops. That hadn’t been supposed to be out loud. Bad mouth. Bad.

Nightwing just did a weird kinda half laugh half sigh combo. Rueful, Jason would describe it, if he were describing it to someone else, which it kind of felt like he was, relaying the conversation to himself now that it’d taken a hard right turn into the surreal.

“Blindsided you with that, huh? Sorry, should’ve figured neither of those are the kinda stories Bruce would want to share with you. Then again, I don’t really have any idea what Bruce has told you about me.”

“Not much,” Jason admitted. Which was a major source of irritation, if he was being honest. The much sung praises of Dick Grayson came from literally everyone he met except for Bruce. Who usually just got a pinched expression whenever Jason brought him up, and a rapid subject change that was not nearly as subtle as Bruce seemed to think it was.

“Yeah, that sounds about right,” Nightwing sighed. “I hope you haven’t put too much stock in anything else you’ve heard about me then. I’ll admit to a bad habit of enjoying my mystique, so secondhand hearsay tends to lose my best nuances.”

Despite himself, Jason’s lips curved up and he let out a rueful huff of his own. “I mean, this definitely isn’t where I saw this conversation going.”

The older man chuckled. “Thought I was going to just assume the worst and chuck the book at you?”

“Well. Yeah.” Jason shrugged, even though he knew it wouldn’t come across. “Bruce did.”

Nightwing heaved an exasperated breath. “Yeah, that’s kinda the thing about B. Sometimes, he’s great. Other times, he’s an ass. Its kinda an either or thing. He’s never really mastered the art of finding a midpoint between two extremes. Mostly because he’s never seen the point of aiming for middle ground.”

“Well its not like he’s ever really had to,” Jason griped. It just slipped out before he could stop it, leaving him feeling guilty for bad-mouthing B when he wasn’t around to defend himself. Especially since he knew Nightwing wasn’t the guy’s biggest fan these days. But he couldn’t deny it also felt good, in a way.

To his surprise, Nightwing just laughed. And not even in a malicious, spiteful kind of way, but almost relieved.

“God, thank you. You’d think that ‘hey, so my billionaire guardian kinda has entitlement issues’ would be a water is wet kind of revelation, but try saying something like that to pretty much anyone else…”

“And they look at you like you’re an ungrateful asshole?” Jason finished for him. Not that he’d ever actually tried saying that to anyone before, though he’d definitely thought it a time or two. But he could all too easily imagine the reactions he’d get, which was pretty much why he’d never gone so far as to speak the words.

“Yup,” Nightwing drawled, dragging out the p and popping it with emphasis. “And its not about being grateful or not, its just…there are some parts of everyone that just aren’t up for grabs, for other people to weigh in on or take charge of, you know? And a lot of people just don’t get that…because nobody’s ever tried it with them, or had to deal with expectations that…overstep, let’s call it?”

“Is that why you left?”

Jason winced the second it left his mouth. Too far. Definitely way too far, but he’d just gotten unexpectedly comfortable with the back and forth, and now he’d done the overstepping thing himself and was left with just dead air.

But ten seconds of heavy silence stretched into twenty, and went no further, as Nightwing sighed into his side of the phone again.

“The spiteful part of me wants to say it was more of a push than me just up and leaving,” he laughed again, but this time with unmistakable bitterness. “But even while that’s true, its not really the right answer to your question, because no matter how much of a clusterfuck that was at the time, its not…I mean, I knew at the time how to fix it. Where and how I needed to cave in order to make up with him and let things get back not quite to normal, but at least close enough.”

The pause wasn’t as heavy or tense this time, as Jason could almost sense the older man gathering his thoughts, trying to put them into words. He bit his lip rather than risk any more unexpected utterances escaping. This might not have been where he’d thought his phone call would lead, but now that he was here, hearing the answers to questions he’d wanted to ask for over a year and finding them almost comfortably familiar, he wasn’t going to risk distracting Nightwing or shutting him up for well. Anything.

“But it would have meant me caving. Settling in ways that I just…couldn’t. So in a way, yeah, I did leave, it was still my choice. And all of that was definitely a big part of it. I love Bruce, I do. I just couldn’t live with him anymore. Not without feeling like I had to give up my own autonomy and just be what he wanted. Or what he’d expected me to grow up to be, back when he first took me in. And as grateful as I am to him for that, I can’t honestly say I would have stuck around back then if I knew that was the price tag attached. I’m not…I don’t do well with people trying to force me to stick to one place, one thing. I was born on the road, you know? When I was a kid, I expected to spend the rest of my life living like that. Home was people. Not places. And so Gotham…its never fit me quite right, the way it does him, or even Barbara. Its not like I was miserable there, its just.”

“It wouldn’t have been your first choice,” Jason finished again, quietly. There was silence again for awhile.

“No. No, it wouldn’t have been. Not then.”

[sincerelyella]

The Confrontation - Ex-Factor Part 1

Book: Open Heart (AU)

Song inspiration: Ex-Factor by Lauryn Hill

Pairing: Ethan x MC (Ella)

Characters belong to Pixelberry; MC Ella Dela Cruz belongs to me

Summary: What would happen if MC found out Ethan was leaving for the Amazon and she confronted him?

Warnings: Angst; adult language; tw: car accident; trauma; injury

A/N: Thank you the request @sweetest-marbear​ ! ❤️

Warnings: Angst; adult language; car accident; trauma

**My stories are not to be stolen or reposted on any other site. Reblogs and welcome are appreciated.**

Words: 1130 

It could all be so simple, But you’d rather make it hard

Loving you is like a battle, And we both end up with scars

After a long day, Ella finally finished rounding on her last few patients and handed the charts to one of the nurses. She hasn’t seen Ethan in a few days, and honestly, she was an emotional mess. Regardless, she plastered on a fake smile and was grateful her shift was over. “I’m just waiting on creatinine and BUN to come back for room 402, Anna.”

“Ok, doc, I’ll page the on-call when they pop up. By the way,” Anna’s voice creeps down to a whisper. “Dr. Lahela has been looking for you; he said he’d be in the cafeteria.”

“Oh,” Ella’s brows furrowed. I hope he’s ok. “Thanks, Anna, I’ll head over there.”

Ella quickly stopped by the locker room for a quick shower and change out of her scrubs and into her jeans and sweater. Once she was done, she practically jogged to where she needed to go, thinking Bryce was in trouble. Yes, she had feelings for Ethan, but she would always love and care for Bryce. Ella finally got to the archway of the cafeteria and saw him sitting alone at a table in the corner of the room. The rain was coming down hard outside, loud splatters of water hitting the glass window and slowly trailing down until it disappeared. Kind of fits my mood. She walked towards him and watched as he took a sip of his coffee. His facial expression seemed grim, and she hoped nothing terrible had happened.

Once he spotted her, though, he smiled wide. “Hey, El,” he stood to greet her and kissed her on the cheek.

“Hey, Lahela,” Ella sat next to him. “What’s going on? The nurses said you were looking for me. Is everything alright?”

“Uh, yea. I wanted to tell you something that I heard today,” Bryce’s eyes met hers, and she could see some sadness there. “I found out that Ramsey went on a sabbatical of some sort. He’s going to the Amazon for … an unidentified amount of time.”

Ella just stared; she didn’t move a muscle; she didn’t even take a breath in. She heard what Bryce said, but it’s like her brain couldn’t process it. Seconds went by, and it finally registered that she needed to inhale, her lungs were screaming for oxygen. She also realized that Bryce was still talking.

“El? … Ella! Did you hear me? He’s leaving tonight, Naveen sent him home an hour ago to prepare.”

She stood so quickly from her chair that it toppled over. “I-I have to …” she sucked in a deep breath so she wouldn’t let out the sob that was accumulating in her chest.

“Go,” he whispered.

Ella turned and ran out of the cafeteria, through the atrium and out the front doors of Edenbrook. It was pouring rain, she had no hood on her sweater and no umbrella, but Ella barely noticed. She quickly hailed a cab and gave the man Ethan’s address, which was about 10 minutes away. What am I doing? He doesn’t want to be with you. Why are you chasing him?! Ella squeezed her hands together, hoping that would make the rapidly growing ball of anxiety in the pit of her stomach go away. It didn’t.

Once they reached the building, she paid the cab driver and jumped out into the street. Ella ran up to the main entrance, pressed Ethan’s apartment code in, and the door opened. She had never run up three flights of stairs with soaking wet shoes before; she was surprised she hadn’t slipped and fallen flat on her face. Out of breath, Ella leaned on one arm against the wall and stood outside apartment number 306. With a shaky hand, she knocked on the door until she heard Jenner bark in the background. Ella listened to the footsteps stop on the other side of the door and could hear him unlock it.

“Ella!” A surprised expression is quickly replaced with a concerned one. “What’re you doing? You’re soaking wet. Come inside before you get sick.” He takes her hand and pulls her in. He leads her to the bedroom, grabs a large towel, and wraps it around her.

“Why are you doing this?” Ella finally breathed out. Why don’t you love me?

“Doing what?”

“Leaving. Why are you leaving?”

He closed his eyes and let out a sigh. “I can’t do this right now, Ella. My flight leaves in three hours.”

Something in her snapped. Up until this point, she was sad, feeling sorry for herself and wanting just to be swallowed up into the earth. But hearing how he doesn’t even want to speak to her pissed her off to no end. “No!” Ella stepped away from him. “We’re talking about this now. What the fuck, Ethan?! You were just going to leave without saying anything?”

He didn’t have to answer, the look on his face said it all—sadness mixed with guilt and longing. “Ella, I have to do this. They need me there.”

“That’s bullshit, and you know it! We need you here!”

“An opportunity … came up,” he looked at her, but they both knew why he was leaving.

“It’s that easy, huh?” She chuckled humorlessly and shook her head. “It’s that easy for you just to fuck me and then leave the country?”

Ethan’s eyes widened. He had never heard her curse more than he had tonight. “No! Ella, that’s not-”

“You made it very clear that you don’t want me,” she paused for a moment because her voice began to waver. “Let’s be honest with ourselves, we knew this was going to happen.”

“I never meant to hurt you, Ella. I just … can’t do this,” Ethan said softly, his eyes glistened as he stared at her.

“I meant nothing to you,” she spat out and slowly began to back out of the room. Ella felt the lump in her throat and the burn in her chest. She knew the tears were coming, and she would rather die before she let him see them fall. “I apologize for barging in like this. Be safe out there, Ethan.” Ella turned and walked down the hallway and out the front door. She ran down the stairs, the tears already streaming down her face and the sobs escaping her chest. She somehow made it to the first floor and stumbled outside into the rain. The tears in her eyes were making it difficult for her to see. In her attempts to try to hail a cab, she walked into the street a little too far and didn’t see the car going full speed. She didn’t have time to scream. The impact of her body being hit and the feeling of flying through the air felt like a dream. Afterward, she finally felt no pain, and the world was black.

I know what we’ve got to do, You let go, and I’ll let go too

Cuz no one’s hurt me more than you, And no one ever will