#rip sshr

[burrythebusy]

A Fudanshi's Recipe for Alcohol Poisoning

[zahhaked]

Thinking more thoughts about This in light of the back and forth I have with @booksandberries. Sensei herself points out that Sasaki's growth is due to both Miyano and Hirano. And the thing with Miyano is almost certainly coming from a place of physical/sexual attraction because it's so hard to re-watch/re-read Sasaki and Miyano and not see how immediately Into Miyano Sasaki is, and letting his guard down is really the only way that is going to go anywhere. So Sasaki's pretty incentivized to get close to Miyano in order to get what he wants - which is that closeness itself. (I also someday want to make a post about my ideas about Sasaki's sexuality because in terms of this series he's the character who sort of gets the least amount of screen time actually "struggling" with the fact that Miyano is a guy. Like he does but it gets over it a lot quicker than most. Kagiura may as well but Kagiura's attraction to Hirano isn't rooted in physical attraction the way Sasaki's is for Miyano???? IMO)

But then: Hirano. The light novels give us plenty of glimpses into how they interact when they're alone, right? Their first meeting, the aftermath of The Fight, studying together, and so on. Sasaki appraising Hirano's abs and thinking about how ripped he is. Unlike with Miyano, Sasaki does have a guard up when he first meets Hirano, and he honestly keeps it up for a good while longer. He doesn't really divulge too many of his feelings to Hirano, and even though Hirano sort of watches the whole ssmy relationship develop (and even tries to impede it early on bc he doesn't trust Sasaki - maybe he can smell the lust pheromones?) they never Talk About it. And then one day - they do. "Did something happen between you and Miyano?" "Yeah, I confessed to him."

The volume of trust!!!!! The way Sasaki didn't hesitate. The way he relied on Hirano, and a little of that was rooted in his own desperation, because he knows he fucked up - but he also perhaps trusts that Hirano will help. Because that's what Hirano immediately does - he takes out his phone and tells Sasaki to fix it. If nothing else, he trusts that Hirano won't be Weird about him being in love with another guy - which, fair, Sasaki has been watching the whole Ritual going on with hrkg for months now, but plenty of people have internalized homophobia. It took a long time and a lot of work to get to the point where Sasaki so easily admits his feelings and his mistake to Hirano - and Hirano just takes it in stride. The trust Sasaki has in him is never misplaced. Hirano can hold that shit for him.

It does make me a little upset that this doesn't go both ways - I can't think of any moment in particular where Hirano allows Sasaki to help carry his burdens. And I kind of think, for all his griping, Sasaki would want to. But Hirano is so cool, calm, collected, so in his own head and capable of working through his own shit, he barely asks for advice - and when he does, it's super cagey and not obvious in the slightest...

But then again, when Hirano is looking for a birthday gift for Kagiura, he asks his friends for ideas, vaguely. What does Sasaki say he would want? Concert tickets. What does Hirano ultimately get? Basketball tickets. I don't think it's a coincidence.

Please join me in sshr brainrot hell we're open 24/7 :)

Been rolling this author commentary in my head since rereading the volume (it's Sasaki and Miyano, either volume 8 or 9).

I love that Harusono notes the ways that both Miyano and Hirano have had their impact on Sasaki; Miyano "encourages him to drop his guard" because Sasaki feels compelled to get closer to him. But with Hirano he "doesn't always put a guard up" because Hirano is a safe person to be himself around. Hirano doesn't expect him to be anyone but himself and doesn't ask him to change