#rosegarden?? in MY analysis post?? unheard of /s

[jessimiko]

MANY THOUGHTS HEAD FULL, it's analysis time

So, Ruby has been blaming herself for a number of deaths, or at the very least, beating herself up about not being "good enough" to save them. Pyrrha and Penny especially, given the circumstances. Chapter 8 made that pretty clear, right?

This was all part of this period in her life where she has struggled with that heaviness, that feeling of never being enough. This is the period of her life that took her down to her lowest. She was in her caterpillar stage, if you will.

Once she hit rock bottom, she was taken to the tree, and quite literally cocooned in it. She was forced to confront her guilt and self-doubt, which is what needed to happen in order for her to rise. The tree represents change, rebirth, metamorphosis.

And when she emerged, she left those shackles behind. She realized she had been enough all along, and accepted herself, imperfections and all.

She's moved on to a new period in her life. That era of giving away pieces of herself and sacrificing her own well-being, of feeling inadequate, is over. She no longer carries the weight of Pyrrha and Penny's deaths on her shoulders.

In that way, Pyrrha and Penny represent the past, and Ruby's aforementioned guilt and self-doubt in chapter 8.

It's heavy, so heavy it's crushing her, but she feels like she can't let go of it. And that's what was preventing her from moving forward, what was holding her back.

But what about the future, and what could be?

In chapter 8, Oscar and Little both represent the future, and the people Ruby hasn't lost yet.

She's shown both of their deaths, real or not, and it's enough to break her. What is the point in fighting if everyone she loves is just going to die anyway? How could she ever look any of them in the eye again if she isn't good enough to protect them, even now?

This is the manifestation of Ruby's greatest fear.

But, at the same time...

...they also represent the good things the future could hold.

Little has ascended and become Somewhat. They found their purpose, and came back as a better version of themselves. Somewhat may not have Little's memories...but the heart rarely forgets, right? The bond Ruby had with Little is still there, deep down. Just because they're gone, and they may not see Somewhat ever again...that doesn't mean she has to leave them behind. They live on as a part of her memories.

EDIT: and how could I forget!!! Ruby's one act of kindness is what led Little to becoming Somewhat, becoming what they needed to be. Ruby's actions and decisions can lead to good, even remarkable things, in the future. And this is proof!

"Nothing, no one, is ever truly gone."

Oscar has the courage to face whatever it is the future holds for him. He is afraid, and he doesn't deny that, he fights on in spite of it. He is a very open and honest person, and he could see Ruby's pain from the beginning. He sees her.

And something is budding between Ruby and Oscar. Something is going to shift once they reunite, as they've both been made painfully aware of how it would feel to lose each other. How will their relationship grow from here? Will they find comfort and safety in each other? Will they grow even closer? I believe it was Miles himself who said their relationship is still being defined. Who knows what the future holds for the both of them, together?

Unlike the past, the future is uncertain. It could lead to many things, both good and bad.

With the end of this volume, we've reached a very big turning point. Ruby has taken the first steps toward the future, ready to leave the weight of the past behind.