#sand was definitely giving mother hen vibes this episode

[bird-inacage]

Only Friends: How Mew criticises Ray VS How Sand criticises Ray

Something I've really noticed since Episode 4 is the increasing distinction between how Mew and Sand school Ray. The scenes in Episode 6 and Episode 7 provide a perfect point of comparison. Both Mew and Sand use the phrase 'love yourself' towards Ray but the tone and delivery is completely different.

Unsurprisingly, what Ray desperately needs in his life is a mother figure. Someone who can be firm and stern when necessary but still caring at the same time. Sand's approach feels better suited to Ray in this respect.

Sand starts by acknowledging that Ray's hurting but it doesn't excuse his behaviour and it isn't going to stop Sand from calling it out. He makes sure to explain why it's problematic, why it's hurtful, why it's dangerous. Sand's words are driven by concern. He's even worried about the guilt Ray would have to shoulder if he did hurt anyone else.

Whereas in the scene with Mew, he makes immediate assumptions (I still maintain that Ray was not high here, he looked pretty darn sober throughout the bathroom scene to me), but that's where Mew's mind goes. His question "why don't you love yourself at all?" implies that Ray doesn't have any self-respect to take care of himself, and so what he's saying sounds driven by disappointment. Mew's tone also carries an air of exasperation, 'I've told you again and again'. @thatgirl4815 does a great job of commenting on Mew's attitude towards Ray in Episode 6 (here).

After Sand has said what he needs to say, he still doesn't want Ray to feel too bad. Sand's little pat on Ray's knee is an attempt to soften the blow, paired with a slightly helpless feeling of, 'I just want what's best for you'.

Now let's observe how Ray reacts when schooled.

Ray may not always implement the stern talking to he's getting, but you can tell that when with Sand, Ray is listening. He doesn't try to deflect, retort or dodge. He usually looks guilty. Guilt suggests remorse. Which means you realise what you've done is wrong. Whereas Ray's initial reaction to Mew is slight shock. This is the biggest indication to me that Ray wasn't getting high here. When he finally responds to Mew, it's brushed off with a laugh - 'yeah, yeah, I'm fine, it's nothing, no matter' - it doesn't seem like any of what Mew's said has really sunk in, just that Ray doesn't want him to dwell on this point any further.

How Mew delivers his pep talk feels authoritative, 'I told you to quit using drugs' (and you didn't listen). Your mistake is not taking my advice. On the other hand, Sand never once says anything along the lines of, 'I told you so, I warned you, I tried to stop you'. It's not about Ray following his orders, it's Sand providing Ray with the context to hopefully avoid making reckless decisions for himself in future.

Mew seems to have accepted Ray's inability to change, and his criticisms are merely a matter of routine at this point. Whereas Sand seems genuinely driven to encourage Ray to do better for both the sake of himself and others around him.