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typologycentral · 7 years

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[Fi] Bloody Fi purge! Your inferior cousin needs some dominant and auxiliary guidance.

To preface: I love you XNFPs and unbeknownst to me, always have. For one, it's been edifying and validating to see some of my all-time favorite humans (writers, musicians, actors, thinkers, etc...) being typed as XNFP. Even before learning about typology and gaining a deeper understanding of Jungian cognitive functions, I was actively working on (what I now know to be) Fi development because a lack of it had reaped much unnecessary hardship onto my life. Therefore, I think that conscientious journey led me to people that embodied their Fi with vigor and authenticity and helped me get in touch with my own, for which I am eternally grateful. And now on to the issue at hand (this is a long read but I'm trying to give relatively detailed information that might help you to help me): For a little under a decade, since high school, I've had an on and off, pseudo-platonic, quasi-romantic, eternal soulmate, occasional f-buddy relationship with this ebullient, effervescent, deeply insightful, dreamy eyed, pixie warrior priestess (INFP) that, in my relatively short life, has always stood a mile apart from the "Gone Girl/Cersei Lannister/Elle Driver/Cookie Lyon/Harley Quinn/Akasha, Queen of the Damned" fare I've usually attracted [strike]...and been equally attracted to[/strike]. Our first interaction was a classroom debate turned bloodstained duel to the death over the ethics of eating animals (I swear on the atom, this is not a utilization of an NFP stereotype lol). Something clicked (energy + angst + lust + social isolation + troubled pasts), and from there, this happened > I'd never before intimately known someone who had the chasm of incongruously layered emotionality she possessed--ostensibly she experienced feelings in a plethora of shades from eggshell, hunter green, and cobalt blue to neon yellow and not only that, could verbalize them as such. Meanwhile, I only had ready access to basic black, white, red (all degrees of rage), grey, and at my best, a metallic gold. Though wholly confounding, maddening and taxing to me, I had never felt more woke and unchained and set free. It was intoxicating to experience a wider array, a more diverse palette of feelings. I obviously never reached her depths, patterns and colors, but even experiencing a trifle more than I was previously accustomed to felt like a massive, tectonic plate moving, internal shift. She saw me shed an actual, solitary tear once under extreme duress but in better times, just by staring into my eyes and smiling on a whim she could easily make me mist up with soul purifying relief, which was a gargantuan, almost incomprehensible feat for lesser mortals and I truly honestly never before felt so connected to someone on a level that was nigh impossible to articulate in a rational way. And particularly when she was sad and grieving (probably because of me), which often left me feeling inadequate because I was too emotionally dumb and powerless to effectively help--which, in and of itself, beset me with very real, very potent, personal "trigger" landmines. Especially back then, I neither spoke of nor experienced emotions with great affect. I understood them cognitively and intellectually, but to actually engage them with my "heart" felt like a blind man wading neck-deep in cement. My take on our biggest, most immediate problem aside from all the other reasons this union was likely to fail? We just spoke completely different cognitive "languages (Ni vs Si? Dom Fi vs Inferior Fi? Dom Te vs. Inferior Te?)" that always created endless communication gaffs, roadblocks and nuclear disasters. For example: Pixie: "Did I see you at Starbucks earlier today with Cersei f%#king Lannister when you were supposed to be at a study group?" Me: "That was the study group." Pixie: *heart imploding with the force of a billion suns* "Why didn't you tell me that?" Me: *blistering dispassion with a hint of exasperated bemusement* "Look, our past relationship is just that, in the past. You have nothing to feel insecure about. It was harmless, only work. You know I love you." Pixie: "That's not what I asked you! Stop lying and trying to hide and sugarcoat things! You know I hate that brother f%#king bitch! Why didn't you tell me you were going to see her? Me: *voice box shredding like the Hulk's Capri pants* "Because that was fucking irrelevant. She was put in a group with me! Her strategy to double-cross Dany and Jon will fall to shit, for Christ sakes. Are you happy now? You always focus on the wrong thing!" She always wanted to know the exact details behind what actually happened in a very direct, matter of fact way (perhaps to refine the many possibilities she generated for why I would withhold supposedly important information from her), whereas I always instinctively and immediately went to why I did something or the "why" concerning the underlying problem, because the "why," the deeper meaning (should and theoretically, in my mind) supersedes anything else, and especially when problem solving and coming up with a viable solution imo. Ultimately, it just didn't work. Idiotically yet idealistically, we wouldn't let that stop us. We broke up and got back together a few times before deciding that we were better off as this nebulous, ill defined glob of corrupted love and unresolved daddy/mommy abandonment issues that maybe one day might actually not fall apart at the seams just as it's getting good again. The whole idea and its subsequent execution was dysfunctional, unhealthy, ridiculous and plain ol stupid, but I gather this was us trying to be intense, brooding and deep. Dunno exactly. We'd go on to see other people and sometimes, in between relationships, link up again. Usually we couldn't reach a year and a half before we wound up back in the other's arms/bed. Moving on. She experienced a tragedy (by her standards) about 3 years ago while I was literally on the opposite side of the planet and whereas I would've normally come flying to her aid with an S on my chest, I made the conscious choice not to. Already enduring my ascent to power (lol) being stifled because of my brokedown Fi usage as it pertains to my burgeoning career, I resented yet another unwieldy force (Pixie) possessing that type of influence over me as well; I defiantly chose self-interest above anyone or anything else (like I'm instinctively wont to do, right or wrong, good or bad). She kept trying to reach me to the point of flooding all of our communication channels with emotional spam (from childish antics to vile, unforgivable diatribes). After a while, I felt bad, decided to reach out to her but was ignored for 2.5 years straight. That had never happened before--it broke our unspoken rule, which devastated me more than I realized. I grieved (rather poorly by over-utilizing Se), but eventually tucked it away, moved on and focused on work. I figured we were never meant to be anyway but that I would still love her (from afar) and wish her the best regardless. Lo and behold, she called me last night out of nowhere, drunkenly seeping concentrated pain, spewing regret, betrayal, rejection, abandonment, hatred and then love for me. She says, through tears, that she's still in love with me and wants to know if there's any chance for an "us." I felt terrible and thoroughly confused. I tried to listen and be supportive (my Te is completely inept at properly addressing/handling others' intense feelings)--I just don't naturally "speak" emotions in an unforced, compassionate, empathetic, organic manner. I'm better than I used to be but I was blindsided, taken aback and don't think I did much good. Honestly, I don't need or want this in my life right now; I'm so engrossed in my work and achieving my goals and going by what she was saying over the phone, she's still stuck in past patterns of dysfunction. I don't want that anymore. But I truly do care for her and want her to be well and happy--just not with me and not right now, at least. I hate that she is suffering but I don't know what, if anything, I should/could do to remedy this. And now, finally, here are my questions to you smart, capable, helpful people*/**: 1. When you are expressing your feelings (whether "good" or "bad"), what is the best way to respond to this that will make you feel heard, understood and validated? 2. When overcome with negative feelings that seem too powerful and unrelenting, how do you self-soothe (using safe + legal methods)? 3. Is there anyway I can speak my truth and tell her honestly where I'm at and what I want at this point in my life without further hurting her? Should I do it regardless or is it better to wait for when she's more stable? 4. Tangent, now that I have you > How do you know what you value? (Is that a stupid question? lol) I think I know what I value ("money-power-respect," knowledge, meaning/substance, fairness, justice, individuality) but it can be hard to finesse on the spot (when asked) and not come off as crude and unrefined. Do you spend a lot of time going over in your mind what is meaningful and significant to you, or do you just know somehow? (like how I seemingly "know" and intuit stuff via introverted intuition) To those who made it all the way to the end, thank you. I would really really really really appreciate some help. I have very few people in my life I trust to give me strong emotions related advice and none of them are XNFPs. Their emotions are just as trash and poorly developed as mine are. lol *Obviously, there are a multitude of ways that people respond to these things that exclude type but I'm looking for any and all variations, particularly from XNFPs and anyone else who can provide insight. **And I will shamelessly bump this thread until I obtain the breadth of insight I seek. :shrug: https://www.typologycentral.com/forums/showthread.php?t=93755&goto=newpost&utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=tumblr

#The NF Idyllic (ENFP #INFP #ENFJ #INFJ)

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impvarjack60 · 7 years

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14 Meet the Neighbors

"Hey Olaf?, when will I be able to talk to Anna?" "Communications not yet established." "Is that you, Olaf?" "Communications not yet established." Guess not. Apparently all these orbs are the same, just programmed differently. But one message came thru loud and clear. Olaf was by her side, and that's what I wanted. I still have to wonder if there isn't someone on the other side remotely running Olaf, or is he really AI? He's got the driest sense of humor I've ever experienced, and I have to wonder if he'll get decommissioned once this trip is over. He may yet have a dark side, he does spy on us. I just can't help but think something sinister is behind all this, it's just too convenient.

"Hello Michael." "Oh, hey Olaf! Is everything OK?" "Yes, Anna should be awakening momentarily. I just wanted to make sure we could communicate." "Loud and clear here, Olaf. Who's this guy?" "It is just a relay, it has no autonomous programming." Nailed it. "Yea, he wasn't much of a conversationalist." "It's more like what you would call a cell phone." "Got it. He's definitely not a smart phone. I assume you will be staying with Anna the whole time?" "Yes Michael, if that is what you'd wish. I must admit, I'm concerned for your welfare as well." "I'll be fine Olaf, I'm only concerned about Anna." "Very well, I'll stay here for the duration. I'll take care of her." "I trust you Olaf, please do not betray that trust." "You have my word. I'll be back in a few minutes, she is starting to stir." The silence was deafening. And agonizing.

"Hey there, Silly Buns, ya there?" "Yea, I'm here. How are you?" "Good!, and back in one piece. Although I tried playing with myself with the new arm,.. and it just turned around and smacked me!" "Hahaha, that's a good one, save it for the meet and greet when we have it." "Speaking of which, is your guys meeting tomorrow?" "Yep, still on as planned." "Are you gonna' bring some stuff up?" "Yes Anna, I'll mention the horses, but I think that's something that maybe we should talk about later, wink, wink, nudge, nudge, say no more." I hoped she got the Python reference that maybe she should can it. "Oh, right. Ow! Hey! Watch where you're pokin' that thing, buddy! Hey look I gotta' go, the natives are getting restless." "OK, Anna. Sleep well,.... and I'll talk to you soon. Goodbye, my love." "Smell ya later, Silly. I love you. End transmission."

Well, at least she's in good spirits, and still funny. A little early for masturbation jokes. But hey, the delivery wasn't too bad, she should work on it. Now I felt better. The surgery was a success, and I could finally take a deep breath. I however need to come up with a plan for tomorrow. The bad news is I have no idea what to expect. There is one thing I want to do. I want everyone there to write down who they are, where they're from and what they have to bring to the table. I may have to grow a giant pair of balls and lead them. Were in the hell is that thought coming from? I know Abzari metioned it in passing, but it was just an idea, that I dismissed. I have no leadership skills what-so-ever. That's the thing though, does anybody else here have what it takes? If I find someone more capable, I'll happily stand behind them. I do not want to start an us and them.

We are all in this together.

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The meeting was set for three hours after the rotation into light. It would take me nearly forty-five minutes to get there. I'm beginning to believe having some bicycles would be a good idea. I had the replicator make me two hundred and fifty sheets of paper and the same amount of pencils. I also got a backpack so I could carry all this.

I had to be brave. I needed to summon my inner Anna for this one. I would have to dance on the tree limb and face these people, with confidence. It's not a trait I normally had, but I'd have to now......

It looks like about one hundred people showed up, and it looked like a United Nations conference. Every nationality was represented, but I saw no animosity here. People were huddling in little groups. While the lack of participation was discouraging, the fact that no one was yelling at each other was a good sign. Abzari was here, and a familiar face was a welcome sight. "So Michael, what is with the bag?" "If I get the chance, I want everyone to write down who they are, what they have to contribute, and what they have that may be useful." "That is an excellent idea Michael, I told you you had it in you." "Well maybe, but I'm American. We're not really too trusted in the rest of the world right now." "That's the thing, Michael. We're not in the world right now."

There was a very large rectangular table with about two hundred chairs, it must've been fifty meters long. An orb asked us to take a seat. He had this very dry speech about our mission to populate the new world, and our role in it. He also talked about boundaries, rules about how we interacted with the creatures of the Habitat, which, sadly for Anna, meant no domestication, and the fact that our mates are currently sterile, which did cause some moans and groans. One thing that bothered me is that this was something of a sausage fest, women weren't well represented here. Maybe they just elected not to come, this is kinda' scary. I felt my chance was slipping away, time to grow a pair, here goes nothing......

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"Hello, my name is Michael Pulaski. I am a welder from Nebraska. I'd first like to start by saying leadership is not my calling, and as an American, I feel we've done more than enough trampling over the world. But I am a curious man, and I'd like for anyone who wishes to, to come to this stack of paper, fill in your name, what you may be able to contribute to our mission here, and what you may have that will better us as a community." Well, at least I got their attention, I continued.

"How many of you are musicians?" Several hands went up. "Do you have instruments?" Some of the same hands went up, but not everyone had instruments. "I'd strongly recommend that you consult with your assistants to replicate some. One of the things I've noticed is a high level of boredom, is this true for you as well?" Lot's of nods and agreement. "OK, musicians, get together and try to put together a show. What about actors, directors, playwrights, etc?" looks like there were a couple. "Great, I for one wouldn't mind seeing a play, and I personally have an entire Broadway musical in my head that we could do at some time." "OK, what about athletes of any kind?" Quite a few of those. "Awesome, see if you can't coordinate some kind of competition, and I would love some weight training and body building."

"OK, does everyone here have a mate?" All hands went up. Good, no one got left out. "And is anyone having any problems with them?" Almost all hands went up, which resulted in a cacophony of laughter. "I have as well. Right now my mate is on the other side of the shield wall getting a new arm. She's like buying a new car and wrecking it the first week." More laughter, hopefully I can get these people together somehow, time for the big speech. I walked slowly around the table, I wanted to make as much eye contact as possible, and when appropriate, I'd give the table a bang with my fists.

"Look, the simple fact is we're all in this together. We...Must...Make...This...Work." "We have left Earth behind, we prayed for deliverance and this was the answer. It did not matter who you prayed to, it was answered, and we were chosen. WE WERE!!, there is a reason why we're here, and this is our nation now." "Your past is just that, the past. No matter how you felt about any other race, or nationality, or religion, all that doesn't matter anymore. Here, on this Sacred Barge, we will travel the Sacred Path to OUR new world, in peace, and harmony. We will build a new world surrounded by beauty, art, science, and raising up the human race to a higher plane of existence, and not by how much wealth can be accrued, but how much knowledge can be accrued. We will prove to our benefactors on the other side of that wall we are worthy of their trust, and that we are equals. Look out for your neighbors, make friends, make alliances, make music, make art, and do it for one goal, to advance us as a civilization. The old world lays dying from their own arrogance and greed, for power, and wealth. Crave not these things, for they are the destroyer of worlds."

"We've been given this second chance, let's not ruin it. We have a chance at enlightenment, let's get it right this time, TOGETHER!!"

My speech was met with thunderous applause, when I practiced it last night, it seemed kinda' lame. I may have bitten off more than I can chew. I would hate to have ruined this. So a few people came up to me afterwards and felt I had what they needed for a leader. But I told them there should be an election process, that there may be someone more qualified, and we shouldn't jump on the first person with a fascist-like speech. We arranged to do this again, but with our mates the next time. This should be really interesting. I got maybe sixty sheets filled out, it's a start. Now I need a linguistics specialist to decipher all the languages, I don't know if I trust Olaf with this or not. Looks like our universal language doesn't include writing.....

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"Oh good Michael, I see you're awake, is this a good time?" I had a toothbrush hanging out of my mouth. "I'd like to say no, Olaf." "Anna is awake." "Please, put her on." As I spit into the sink. "Good morning Michael, how are you?, did everything go well at the meeting?" "It's better now that I've heard your voice. And my speech was well received." "You made a speech?! To how many people?" "It looks like there were one hundred." "And how much did they like it?" "Um,...standing ovation, I guess?" I felt a little embarrassed gloating like that. "That's fantastic, Michael! What does this mean?" "It means that I've probably just dug myself a deep hole, and buried myself in it." "Oh, don't be silly, Silly! You may be able to lead these people." "Yea, with a princess by my side." "That's a role I'll gladly take. Hey, they wanna' knock me out again, love ya! and congrats!" "OK, my love, I'll talk to ya later." "Later Gator! End transmission."

Princess, the word lingered in my brain. What was our fascination with princesses? It was much more of a girl thing, but it seemed oh so misogynistic. I never called her that, but now it seemed kinda' natural, and I have no idea why. But tomorrow she is coming home, and I want to give her a welcome fit for a princess.

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