#seems I spend half my life dealing with yucky feelings so whatever

[skyward-floored]

Wrote another hdw thing but I’m sleepy so coming tomorrow I guess

[slashingdisneypasta]

Teen!Chucky /Charles Lee Ray x Reader || Oneshot

Title: Night Time Air 

Notes:

·         Y/B/F: Your best friend

·         This was inspired by Season 5 Pretty Little Liars when Caleb and Alison are rocky and Alison tries to tell Hanna not to be with him, and she goes ahead and gets back together with him. 

·         Told you I would overuse this gif. 

·         I should be doing requestssssss

Plot: 

Chucky is the boy at your school, that is well known for all the bad things he has done. He has no respect for anyone except… maybe you… and he is unpredictable, which is exactly why your friend, your bitchy, not-really-your-friend, frenemy-that-you-only-spend-any-of-your-time-with-because-your-real-friends-like-her tries to order you not to hang out with him.

You don’t take it well.

Warnings: Language maybe? 

~~~

It takes a few seconds before I can clear my enough, and stop myself from jumping to the conclusion of what she’s trying to tell me. Demand of me. “What?”

“You shouldn’t hang out with him anymore. I mean, I know he’s pretty and everything,” With a roll of her eyeshadow heavy eyes, she tries to infer to me, that my friendship with Chucky is so skin deep. Again, I bite my tongue and stop myself from saying anything, but oh, are there things coming to mind that I wish I would say. “But he’s never been any good, since kindergarten. I’m just looking out for you, you know. You know that I love you.” Oh, sure.

My blood boils at her words, and the fake way she tilts her head and furrows her eyebrows, the  touch she manages to land on my arm before I flinch away that makes me feel disgusting. She has to be aware that we are not friends, and there is no one else around so where does she get off saying this stuff to me. Demanding something, from me like she’s got any authority. “Maybe you didn’t sense my complete disbelief the first time through your hairspray; I understand chemicals can interfere with alien sensory technology. So, let me say it again. What?”

“Woho,” She laughs, but I see under the thin, unimpressive veil of counterfeit that completes her look of total bitch, that she was not expecting a snap back like that. “Wow, Y/N. No need to get salty… “

Something about the night air has made me confident tonight, for sure. Because at school, there’s no way I’d say these things to her. I’m glad I came out tonight! “I don’t know where you think you get the authority to tell me what to do, but you’re mistaken.” Nervously, I glance past her into Y/B/F’s house to see if they were looking at us, because the last thing I need is drama with the others after this, and then stonily back at Jane. “Tell the others whatever, I’ll set it straight tomorrow. I gotta go, I happen to know where Chucky’ll be tonight.”

She narrows her eyes and looks miffed, but I’m already turning around, shoving my hands into the pockets of my jacket and walking off down the street. God, I’m glad I said that. Its been dying to come out since I realised I didn’t like her in the first place- it might stir some trouble in our group, but its better she knows I don’t like her then to let her keep thinking she any control in my life. Besides, I’d kinda… I’d much rather go see Chucky then stay in and play forced Monopoly with her for the rest of the night, and wake up in the morning with moustache drawn on my face.

When I get to my destination, I don’t see him but I don’t get to wonder if he just hasn’t come to the playground tonight like he brags he does every night -like some edge master on the big screen,- because he calls my name and I turn around to see him walking over from another street. “What are you doing here?” He stops in front of me on the woodchips and stuffs his hands in his trench coat pockets, grinning down at me in a way that gives me the strangest feeling that he’s glad I’m here. “Thought you’d be… Ahhh, I dunno, enjoying skimpy girl sleepover activities? See, I listen to you. Unless I got the day wrong?” I wish we could move somewhere else, maybe walk around, but he’s just standing and looking at me with his grin like I’m a weeping angel.

Instead of staying there and talking about my run in with Jane, although I’m sure he’d love to hear about it -he doesn’t like her either. One of the many things we talk about when we’re together,- , I turn and head for the swing. “Skimpy girl sleepover activities? Sounds like you put some thought into that!” I tease, sitting in a swing and pushing off. There’s something very free, about playing on a playground when its dark, and no on else is around. I suddenly get why its such a popular teenage stereotype. Not too far out of my comfort zone like most adult things that I want to do or am being pushed to try, but still new.

He laughs. “Would’ve come by and visited if I knew where your girl friend lived.” Turning my head, I watch Chucky come around and get in the other swing, but not push off.

“You would’ve been disappointed. We had intensive plans to snuggle up in our skivvy’s and raincoats and watch Singin’ In The Rain. But I would’ve made room for you!” Which is true. I would. I definitely would. I’d love to ‘accidentally’ fall over and snuggle with him. Totally would. Any day. Yes.

Watching him grin to himself at my dumb joke gives me little tummy squirms, so I take a deep breath as I swing and look away. “Oh well. Glad I get you, tonight. They always seem to win your time.”

“They’re my best friends… “I say, falling backwards and feeling my hair fly after me, on either side of my face. Then turn and grin at Chucky, curiously. “You’ve never expressed any desire to hang with me more, before.”

“Well its not like I have many friends apart from you… “He trails off, but his face doesn’t reveal any sadness or forlorn desire to change that. I know, for a fact, that he doesn’t like anyone else at our school. He has nicknames for them all! And none flattering. He turns to me sharply, causing my heart to seize in my chest. Oh my god. “Custody agreements, how would I go about winning weekends with you?”

Rolling my eyes, I look away and keeping swinging, distracting myself from him. “Mm, payment’s a bit dear,” I mutter, loud enough for him to hear but quiet enough to be a mutter to myself. I wanted to reply, but I don’t want him to hear the rest of that quip. Which is ‘Its you have to kiss me’.

Seems the night air isn’t just making me confidently mean, tonight…

“I bet… “He says back, not quite to me and under his breath, the same as how I said it. Then he gets up from the swing and looks around, shifty eyed. “Let’s walk around a bit.”

He looks bored, so I slow down the swing and pop off, not noticing he moved right in front of me until I’ve hopped right into him. “Nice going, pal! Smart move!” I exclaim sarcastically, and push out of his arms and away from his face, which is grinning cheekily and laughing.

“Dunno what you’re complaining for, I’m not the only one who got to second base just then! Wanna try for first?”

“You’re very funny.” I say, forcing an irritated tone through my smiling face. Its times like these, when I thank having a crush on such a loudmouth and tease. “As if.”  

“Yeahh, right. Whatever, come on.” He starts walking, scooping me up on the way, walking with his arm over my shoulders… like friends. Friends. This is friendly, I remind myself quickly. These moments, when he touches me and acts like we’re a couple, are when I curse having a crush on such a loudmouth and tease. We walk around the park, not leaving the gleam of the streetlights, but leaving the mulch of the playground for the grass surrounding it. After a while of conversation about school, and other kids in our class -never touching his father or mine, this night time playground acting as sanctuary, - , we hit a lull in the conversation, and I watch our feet wading through the luscious grass, due to excessive levels of rain recently. My fingers feel like icey poles. He hasn’t removed his arm from me the entire time we’ve been walking, though, so at least the rest of me is warm. “So, what happened to your sleepover anyway. Cancelled or did you blow them off?”

“Uh… I blew it off.” For you. Of course, I don’t utter the last words. Too much of a chicken shit to finish the deal, even feeling the night air on my cheeks.

“There’s my bad girl.”

“Hah,” Thank god, its too cold for my cheeks to heat up. I glance at his face, and do a double take. He’s waiting for the rest of the story! Uhhhhh… “Um, well, we… Jane said something annoying, you know.” Flashing him an awkward half-smile, I see he’s still waiting for the kicker and look away again, picking up his other hand and lacing my fingers through his, to distract me. “Here, warm my fingers up, they’re icey.” As his fingers willingly wrap around mine, I don’t have to glance to feel his look edging me on for the rest of the story. I sigh. “Well, she said something dumb about not wanting me to hang out with a certain bad boy loner type with yucky hair, and I didn’t feel like sticking around.”

“I’m gonna ignore the part about my great hair for the moment, because I’m too chuffed that you stuck up for me… “Remarkably, somehow, his voice is grinning, as he slows us immediately too a stop and moves to stand in front of me, loosening his arm around me just enough to do so, but not letting go so I’m kind of… well, I’m enveloped in him. I can smell his familiar shampoo and aftershave, and feel weirdly, wonderfully small in front of him, who is taller. Which is usually not too noticeably because he isn’t magnificently tall, but he is… 3 to 5 inches taller than me? And because we’re so close, you can tell.

Embarrassingly, I just stand there silently as he grins, and brings our linked hands up to his mouth, to tap a kiss to mine. What? What? WhAT! This is not… this cannot just be friendly, can it? I glance away from his blue-blue eyes, so I can gather my voice back. “Not a big deal.”

“Maybe not, but I like it.”

With nothing else to use my voice for, because I can’t think of anything else to say, I look back up at his, our hands still close to his mouth a grin on his lips. There, I decide to do something. I decide to make or break our friendships, to see what happens, to do something I want to try.

I decide to kiss him.

I tilt my head, and pull down our hands and close my eyes, not allowing for any second thoughts before I get up on my toes and hopefully touch his mouth with mine. I remember wondering what happens if I actually get his chin or his nose, before my lips connect with his and everything goes starry.

Because immediately like he was prepared for it, like that, he kisses back. Pulling me in comfortably with his arm and letting go of my hand so he can cup the side of my neck, his thumb resting on my jaw. I use my new freedom to bunch his coat in my fist, and bring him warmer to me. Not that it could get much warmer for me, with his mouth laying a long, soft kiss to me.

This is definitely the ideal outcome to my decision.  

“Took way too long for you to do that, sweetheart.” Is the first thing he says post-first-kiss, husky and quietly, against my lips as he looks from them to my eyes which is way too attractive a power for a teenage boy to have if you ask me, before kissing me again, this time deeper and with his tongue. All I can do is stand there and try my best to reciprocate the sheer, hot passion that somehow he’s able to convey to me without words, despite this being my first kiss, to the best of my mediocre abilities.

“I… didn’t know you were waiting for it,” I say, when he seems done for more then 2 seconds. A flash of a smile crosses his face, rolling his eyes.

“I wasn’t obvious enough for you??”

“No!”

“I said that I’m glad I get you tonight!”

“That’s code for ‘Kiss me’???”

“Yes!”

“Well, I’ll remember that now!”

He sighs in exasperation while smiling, which is good because I’m grinning too. “Do you wanna just make out some more?”

“Oh, yes, we shall. Good idea.”

[maybeesomeone]

Today, I

stood up for myself.

When I first met my boyfriend, he caught my eye as an attractive guy, who was intelligent, funny, and driven. The catch? He was a heavy partier. You name it, he’d done it, tried it, or had it accidentally. I was never impressed by any of these stories. In fact, once we started to admit feelings for each other, I told him I didn’t want to be around drugs. Period. I didn’t like the effects they had on people, they’re shit for your health, they’re a complete waste of time and money, they are risky as hell, and I feel they are a distraction to an underlying problem I’d rather tackle head on. This was our barrier. Before I could let my walls down, I made it clear I needed to see a massive improvement from him. What did he say? I was his “motivation” so he could be with someone like me. And sure, I saw that he was trying.

Now, by no means did I think it would resolve overnight. I thought it would gradually die down, and eventually stop. Every slip up would be a tear in the heart, and an argument I didn’t want to have. Every time he went out I was expecting the worst, and expecting him to disappoint me. On every occasion, he did. If not by doing drugs, then by excessively drinking. (But one problem at a time). Of course, it never happened when I was there. He wouldn’t dream of inviting me to the place it could be about - which to a point I was grateful for because I wouldn’t want to be there, but obviously my absence left a lot more room for error.

Time after time, I received more stories of “how drunk” he was, or I was left with “Hangover-Boyfriend” to deal with. (Just so you know, Hangover-Boyfriend is lazy, has no motivation, or even an ability to structure a sentence more than “meh”, “I’m tired” or “I feel yucky”. If you knew my boyfriend, laziness is already an obstacle. Now I’m a productive person, so I want to spend my days off, I don’t know, not in bed. He never received my pitty, and I tried to not be around, or really respond to a “feel sorry for me because I make bad decisions” text.

One day, he crossed a line. After a date out for dinner, which we invited his friend to as a third wheel, we were walking home. Mind you, we all had alcohol, and of course this excited him more than it did me. When we got to his house, he snorted Ketamine, right in front of me, to continue his buzz. I was in complete shock. And what made it worse? He pretended it never happened, or just acted like I wasn’t there. Could I have an argument? No, because I’m now in a place where I would lose my shit in front of his housemates. His housemates could see very clearly that I was upset, pointed it out to my boyfriend, and he laughed away his awkward feeling, and continued to ignore me. What makes it all better? A pat on the back and an “I love you”.

Now let me tell you what was running through my head, because now, as I type this out, I can clearly see that this is the worst thing anyone has done to me, and I let it slide.

Because I had alcohol, I couldn’t leave the house. I couldn’t drive. I was stuck to stay there. I walked away and I went to bed. Shortly after, he came in and didn’t say a word, just rubbed my back. I was FURIOUS. Every stroke made me want to squirm away from him and tell him not to touch me. So I went to the couch. Cold and alone, all that runs through my mind is that he is both, the first, and last person I want to see and be with. I have an ache in my heart that’s tearing both ways. I ended up going to bed. I forgave him enough to sleep next to him, but I made my way home first thing in the morning without a word.

I don’t believe in rewarding bad behaviour. I made it clear when I was angry with him, without turning into a monster and shouting everything that ran through my head (shouting in the car by yourself helps). Now this was one scenario, and probably the worst one, but it was definitely not the only time he let me down. Though the other occasions were smaller, they were consistent enough for me to lose my trust in him. After all, if he can’t control himself when I’m there, what’s stopping him when I’m not. I know, the better side of me was telling me to leave and that I didn’t deserve this, but my weaker side submitted to the good side in him. (Stupid).

We’ve now been dating for almost a year and a half.

So, today. Today, I found out that on a day where my boyfriend went to a music festival, (and told me he only drank), he had done more. It was a conversation I overheard, and the person who said it didn’t even know I was listening, or that there would be a reason for me to be upset hearing it. So no reason to lie, right? On top of that, they were saying it to someone else that was there, who agreed on the story. - seems pretty fucking convincing to me. I confronted my boyfriend, and all he did was deny it. He never looked me in the eye and all he said was that he never took it himself, but someone gave it to him, and he gave it to someone else. When I confronted him again, he changed his story to “I bought it for a friend”. Now that’s different to what he said, so I bit. “You said someone gave it to you”. The response? “They did, for money”. Now I don’t know what image he was getting from me, but clearly he thought I looked like an idiot. Seriously? Now I’m getting lied to my face. I don’t deserve this. And I put my fucking foot down.

I told him I’m at a zero tolerance for drugs. If he wants me to stick around, no stash in his top drawer, no giving it to anyone, no buying it, no taking it. Fuck all, nothing. 100% commitment to not touch them again. And I’m not a person for ultimatums but I get a say in what I want in my life too. I told him if he still wants to do them, he can find someone who doesn’t care what he does. And he agreed, no questions asked.

Can I just say, I obviously don’t know the results yet, but just saying that today was liberating enough. I finally said what I needed to, and I made what I wanted clear. To be honest, I should have waited for that 100% commitment before agreeing to dating him, but I’m sure we’d both be in very different places if that were to happen.

Whatever the outcome, I’m actually excited. Because one thing I am lucky to have is the knowledge of what I deserve. And if I’m let down, I know I tried my hardest. Of course if I’m not, then we can actually move forward, finally.

Whoever may be the someone that needed to read this today, please, please, put yourself first. Know your worth and don’t be tread on. You’re allowed to have standards higher than what your partner is today. They should be striving to be better, for what should be themselves, but also, for you too.

[hellsbellschime]

have you ever done a meta on steroline? how this ship regressed caroline's character and how she lost her agency bc of this ship ^-^

Well I have written a few metas about Steroline’s issues, but given that the ship seems to be reaching it’s climax in tonight’s episode and given that Caroline’s character regression and lack of agency coincidentally seem to be hitting a low point I think that it’s a pretty relevant time to be having this discussion. And I think it’s exceptionally unfortunate that this has gone on for so long and Caroline specifically has suffered so much as a character because of it because, if the recent batch of spoilers are to be believed, it was quite literally just to waste time anyway. 

I know that a lot of people really enjoyed Steroline as a friendship, but I have vacillated on that and I think that when the entire story concludes I’m going to have an overall negative view of it because I don’t think it did anything for Caroline or Stefan as characters and I ultimately just don’t think that it was very interesting. But one of the major pitfalls for their relationship in my eyes is that there has been a pretty consistent theme throughout the entire series of Stefan’s focal point never actually being about Caroline for their entire relationship. I mean, when he first meets her he allows Damon to use and abuse her because it makes Damon easier to control and keeps him away from Elena. When Katherine turns Caroline Stefan tries to save her life because it’s what Elena wants. He gives Caroline a chance in a relationship because everyone around him tells him he should, and seeing how flighty he’s been when it comes to their actual commitment together it seems like he mostly sticks with her because she’s someone he can count on and because she’s just there. Caroline’s characterization rarely gets to grow with Stefan because she only exists as a prop in most of Stefan’s story lines, and in fact if she were actually acknowledged as a character instead of a prop it would be really hard for the writers to pull a lot of these story lines off because they don’t make sense and look ABSOLUTELY FUCKING GOD AWFUL if you see Caroline as an actual person. 

But, what I think is also interesting about their relationship is that it seems like whatever aspects of their relationship aren’t about someone else still aren’t about Caroline, they’re about Stefan. And this even goes back to the beginning of their “friendship”. I mean, Stefan puts Caroline on his blood addict superdiet because it’s what works for HIM, even though it’s a level of strictness that is really difficult for any vampire to maintain and even though Caroline is perfectly capable of maintaining a blood bag diet. He relies on her to be HIS sober sponsor even though he’s had over a century of experience and she’s a baby vamp, which seems like an absurd amount of pressure to put on a newbie when we’ve seen characters like Vicki who can’t even control themselves, let alone help someone else. When she flips her humanity switch he tries to force her to flip it back even though she doesn’t appear to be a threat to anyone, presumably because HE can’t control himself. And of course, he ups and ditches her without a word because it’s what he thinks is best, and apparently her opinion doesn’t matter. And now they’re getting married to draw out Stefan’s bunny boiler ex. Stefan really doesn’t seem to see Caroline as a person with her own individual wants and needs and seems to project all of his insecurities and fears about himself on to her, and then spends a massive amount of time and sheds a significant amount of blood trying to “fix” her problems that really aren’t her problems at all. It’s kind of the definition of lost agency, because Caroline isn’t treated like her own person, she’s treated as Stefan’s reflection, and the writing tells us that this is romantic and that we should really enjoy it.

And, now that we’re at the last fucking gasp of the series, it appears that that’s how Steroline and Caroline’s character arc on TVD are going to end. Caroline is marrying Stefan in the hopes that Katherine will be drawn out one last time, and if the spoiler rumors are correct it would appear that Caroline is going to “give Stefan up” for his own good and let him live a human life that he always wanted. Which is certainly noble in theory, but in reality is quite a sad undercutting of Caroline’s feelings and desires. I mean she always has a tendency of ignoring what she wants or needs for Stefan’s sake, but if she erases his memories she’s giving him a clean slate without giving herself one. She’ll still remember all of the feelings she had, good or bad, and if the rumors of her wearing her wedding ring to the very end are true then she’ll still be holding on to that relationship for the rest of her arc in the entire series, and she will have to cope with that completely alone. Stefan gets a free pass while Caroline essentially has to not only deal with everything on her own, but has to pretend that all of those thoughts and feelings that she erased for Stefan no longer exist for her either (at least that’s what she’d have to pretend outwardly, since she and Stefan aren’t even supposed to know each other). Aside from being just yucky, it’s an exceptionally shitty send off for Caroline because it means that no matter what, on some level she will never be able to completely move on, she will never be able to have the kind of closure that Stefan has and it will be because of a relationship that will ultimately only exist in her mind for the rest of eternity. Which is fucking terrible. 

Obviously there is a week left and we can’t say for sure what will happen, and I certainly hope that Caroline’s entire conclusion with TVD won’t be focused entirely on Stefan. But regardless of what happens in the next two episodes, it will always be true that a huge portion of Caroline’s character development and story lines have been cut off at the knees for the sake of Stefan just having something to do. It’s obviously not unusual for Thirstday to treat it’s female characters like props, but given that Caroline is one of the few female characters who have ever had development and purpose outside of being a prop and given that she is arguably the best developed female character they have it’s extra depressing to realize that nearly half of her character’s existence has been sidelined for the sake of some ship drama and for Stefan. And if the show ends the way we think it might end I think that’s quite sad for Caroline. I know there isn’t much that can be done about the direction of her character at the very end, but it sounds like the main three will come full circle in some way while Caroline... will not. She’ll just prop up her shittiest story lines for one last time and the show will be over. And that sucks.