#self insert fanficon????

[pandaqueensaysno]

tw me being sleep deprived and depressed but ill probably laugh at this when im not sleep deprived

yk what makes me sad? that in any universe, as much as my mind likes to daydream that my favorite characters will love me as much as i love them and will take me in as their own, the truth is that it isn't true. If I were to magically be transported into tua or jjba universe, they would not accept me. Like, I know the point of imagination is *imagining* that they would, I mean like come on, they aren't even real, but like still yk.

idk if its just because im severely depressed and spiralling and scared of disappointing my parents, but like when i used to daydream during covidtimes about jjba as a coping mechanism for my hallucinations, i used to think "hey, at least if i was with josepj or like buccerati or smth they would care about me, and protect me from the scary monsters." But now, whenever I try to daydream about what it would be like if I was magically transported into the umbrella academy, all i can imagine is it going like this:

*a blue burst of light similar to how it was when five crashed reggies funeral*

everyone is confused, im confused. I am in the lobby of Hotel Obsidian with the entire umbrella academy LMAOOO. I think this is some weird lucid dream, or maybe more hallucinations from sleep deprivation. Five questions me, thinking I have something to do with either the commission or the fact that the universe is collapsing on itself. Allison is ready to rumor the fuck out of me, she is scary as hell. Since I think this is some weird dream, I tell them all the truth. I'm from a universe in which they exist, yes, but not in the way they think. They are from a popular Netflix show based off of a comic book series written by the lead singer of a very popular emo band. Of course, they don't believe me at first. Everyone is wary, Diego tries to attack me. But they all aren't as threatened when they realize i don't have any powers, even less so when they realize I cannot fight to save my life.

Five eventually asks me if I know anything about how this season of the show ends, since its kinda like im from the future yk? but the thing is, I don't because I never finished this episode. Hell, i never finished this season. I'm basically just a liability to them. I can't fight, I'm not insanely smart and/or strategic, I'm powerless. Like, perfect hostage material.

anyways i think im just so severely depressed rn that even the coping mechanism that helped me through literal anxiety hallucinations (maladaptive daydreaming) isn't working bc all i can think abt is how i fail everyone, even people who aren't real.

toodles !!!