#sephiroth: git gud

[anakinh]

sephiroth criticizes your gameplay

bonus:

[akingdomtheorist]

KH Catch Up with Friendo: KH2: FM

THE THREE HOUR PROLOGUE BEGINS:

Now its time for KH2 and I'm actually making him pay the game this time!

It's time for super long tutorial and the opening!

"Ooh they got fancy with the logo this time."

"GRAPHICS!"

"WHEN DID IT LOOK SO GOOD?"

"We just did a recap! Is this a dream, is this Sora dreaming? Oh it was Roxas dreaming... ohh..."

-sees the day counter- "Oh no are we Majora's Masking this?!"

"Wha...why can't we say this word?"

"I'm glad we have determined that Seifer is not this supernatural being who can steal the concept of words."

"Why do you believe I'm a thief? Why do you believe Seifer?!"

Oh boy it's Seifer time.

"Roxas you run so extra."

"Oh my. God. Seifer."

He has witnessed the scene of totally owned you lamers.

"Why are we in the lost woods?"

"Hey it's this place! This is where Vexen got beheckened."

He's trying to hard to piece things together.

Pence: You think we'll be together forever. "No, some tragedy will come and tear us apart."

"THE USUAL SPOT IT WAS PART OF THE POEM THIS IS IMPORTANT."

He does not understand the tutorial length.

"STOP BEING EMOTIONALLY VULNERABLE THEN PRETENDING NOT TO BE."

"THAT BITCH ROBBED ME!"

"Is it always twiligght in Twilight Town?" "Yes." "How do people sleep?"

"Why you steal my money? Bitch you stole my money!"

"Hi Namine. You look older now. Maybe it's because everyone doesn't have as big a head in this game."

"Namine why you gotta be cryptic?"

-nobodies show up again- "Oh we're doing this again now, okay. I can't hit you back this isn't fair!" "Are they frozen? They're frozen. That's bad."

Now we are at the Station of Serenity:

"Darkside? No it's a different bitch."

The teachings of reaction commands begins.

"This is so much more anime than KH1."

-sees Setzer for the Struggle Tournament- "You are already so extra? Are you gonna turn into a giant spaceship man?"

"Aw, Hayner and I are friends again!"

"It's a heartless!" -About Vivi not being Vivi-

He is using the game given strategy of grab enough orbs and run around until the time runs out.

"Is that Axel? Uh huh! Gasp, do I get to fight him?"

"How do I guard?" "You didn't equip it, did you." "Nope!"

Now the fight for not potential spaceship match with Setzer. He does not approve of his DBZ spin attack.

"Get hecked, discount discount Sephiroth!"

"I can see why he wanted me to throw the match, he went down like a little bitch."

-at the clock tower scene- "How do you kids get up here?" -Roxas falls off the tower- "We just fuckin' died."

He is unimpressed with new Kairi. "That's not Kairi! What is this, high school AU?"

Namine? "No, Kairi."

"WOULD YOU STOP TAKING THINGS FROM ME?" He is not impressed with Roxas having his life crumble arond him.

"WHAT? Of all the people I expected to secretly be Ansem, it wasn't him!"

Thus came the 5th Day. Thus came the seven wonder of Twilight town. We begin out 5th day by beating Seifer's ass into the ground. With a train ride... "STOP STEALING MY STUFF ANSEM!" "Is Ansem ruining your dramatic moments?" "YES!"

"We finally get to go to the beach right? This is what this is right?" Poor sweet summer child.

Now we complete the wonders and totally avoid the explanation of the ball from the wall. Now to spooky moans! Establishing Vivi was the voice of the creepy sounds, we move on to the doppleganger falls. He's getting his ass kicked by his own doppleganger. "Roxas must be losing his mind right now, thinking 'NO THERE ARE ACTUAL DOPPLEGANGERS DAMMIT!" Now to the dog bag. "I can literally mash triangle for this." "GIT GUD!" "It was a doggo!"

Hayner ruined the magic ghost train for Roxas. Maybe he won't ruin the Namine in the window.

Rumor says theres a girl who appears in the second story window. "You mean right there? She's right there."

He did not take Roxas being told he wasn't supposed to exist well.

The another side another story scene and he didn't recognize poor Riku. Dual weilding keyblades tho.

Now we arrive on the 6th day. Where everything goes to terrible tragedy.

"Axel when did you become a dork?" "Roxas that's a- okay..."

He figured out how Roxas came to be, and Axel is the sad. "I really should have put that together earlier, my god."

"Roxas was part of the organization then?" "Mhmm." "I'm a bad guuuuuy."

"Yay Rikuuuuu!" He hasn't figured it out yet.

"Oh this Namine's room." "So lots of stuff happened." "YEAH..."

The floor disappears to reveal a lower floor? "... what... whut..."

"Aw it's back to when all my friends were alive! All my friends are dead!"

"We just ruined so much work." "Yup you ruined someone's computer." "So all of that was fake?" "Yes it was." "NOOO MY FRIENDS! All my friends were fake?" "But... Olette and Hayner... and... person who's name starts with a P..." "That's Pence buddy." "AND PENCE! Was the money I earned at least real?" "You'll see." "Can I get the shit Ansem stole from me back then?" "You'll seeeeeeee."

"Axel! Buddy!" -dual weilds two keyblades- "Wha- YES."

"Can I always have two keyblades please?" He enjoyed dual keyblades very much.

"NO ROXAS IS DEPRESSED? I actually feel really bad for Axel."

"Noo, is Axel dead now?" "Do you want me to tell you?" "Kinda?" "No he's not dead." "YAY I actually kinda like him now."

"A data based projection as opposed to the bishounen based projection from Marl... Marl..." "Marluxia?" "Marluxiaaaa..."

And thus the team got back together and friendo is now happy and sad.

"Wait, is Roxas just gone now?" "I dunno." "YES YOU DO!"

[biot08]

I'm griping. Please skip this post.

I am not that old, but nothing makes me feel older than remembering beating Kingdom Hearts 1 Sephiroth (and much later, Kingdom Hearts 2 Sephiroth) and now being completely unable to beat Hollow Knight's true ending boss.

I think I've been spending an hour a day on this for like a week.

I want to watch the ending sequence on YouTube, but I know the instant I do that, I will never touch Hollow Knight again.

I know this is not a good use of my time, but sunk cost fallacy is in full effect here.

I've only see phase five myself once during this time.

Also, yes, git gud, I know.