#seriously please start shipping chars as exes it's so good

[cl0ckworkpuppet]

all headcanons are cool but i think we should see more headcanons of:

detransition

gender/sexuality questioning

gender/sexuality apathetic

transhet

intersex

exes (literally my favourite dynamic ever it's so funny)

[bladekindeyewear]

Reading Homestuck^2 as of Page 5.  > ==>

What’s with the question mark look on Rosebot?  Are we not going with a traditional Homestuck robot here, or adding some sort of twist?  If we are, is Davebot going to share it?

DIRK: Ok but like what are you actually calling me about. ROSEBOT: I just thought you might like to know that we're getting pretty close to your chosen crash site. ROSEBOT: We can head down to the planet below as soon as Terezi's finished... working out how we do that. DIRK: How to land? DIRK: ... DIRK: Wait, crash site??

Well, you did put TEREZI in charge of landing... (rimshot)

And, yeah, jokes aside, this is no surprise.  This wouldn’t be Homestuck without everything fucking up constantly.

ROSEBOT: Don't be such a chud, Dirk.

Chud???

> ==>

Oh God, more serif Dirktext narration.  We’re going to be getting a whole damn lot of that, aren’t we?

I walk— oh no, right, I don't have to do that explicitly. It's easy to get into the habit of just narrating everything, even when it's a bit creatively redundant. This is where the advantage of visuals comes in, to make my life as an omniscient overseer a little bit less tedious. I can just do whatever, and we can all see it happen, and nobody has to fight with a testy cherub lady for control of their own legs or anything. No need to pull a whole thesaurus out of my ass just so I can go to the bathroom. Seriously, it's a big relief.

Heheh.  Interesting.

That doesn't mean this (*gestures to the narrative*) isn't still going to be a thing, though. Sometimes retreating back into the warm, welcoming folds of traditional prose is just going to be the best way forward, and as someone whose mind is uniquely capable of understanding this conceit, I'll be the determining factor as to when and where it happens.

Mhmm.

It's time to get this story back on the rails, back to what it was always supposed to be. I know it, and you've somehow always known it too. There was something else, some other route that Homestuck was meant to take but then didn't, a way that wouldn't've spent so much time dicking around with stuff nobody cares about. Like seriously, why did we all have to sit through talking about everyone's most intimate and private feelings for two hundred thousand fucking words. That would never have happened in Act 1. Where did it all go wrong?

Um?

Yeah; as flawed as Andrew’s approach always was, this sort of statement is clearly coming from someone who didn’t learn shit when it comes to the Ultimate Riddle.

So yeah, this is much like it was in the Epilogues.  Andrew conceived of an ultimate victory as an escape from the bounds of Canon itself, an escape from destiny and purpose because the well-being of the characters is actually more important than having every question answered.  And then, with the Epilogues... explored what would result if not just the readers, but a character like Dirk willing to coerce everyone along, forced things to resume the path of plot importance.

Expect his comeuppance.  Like, really, really hard.  Though I couldn’t say how many pages that could possibly take.

I've been studying canon—or rather, what's left of it—and I think I've found it. The critical moment, in the wake of which everything started to take a nosedive into the protracted, endless slog of sheer insufferability we got saddled with near the end. This was the single most crucial error in the process that led to the present situation. 

Mhmm, mhmm.... let me keep reading...

Hmm!  So that’s what they meant by fan input.  The actual return of the command box, now that there are whole goddamn teams corralling it instead of a single person.

How much will Dirk’s belief in reader input persist over time, though?

> Dirk: Commune.

"NEEERD” heard echoing into the distance.

Seriously though, the visuals team has been top-notch so far.

Channelling my full potential as an ascended player of Heart, I expand my consciousness to commune with the boundless force of collective willpower that is the internet.

There’s a connection between Heart and willpower, there, but nothing much we haven’t already worked with before.

Will Dirk be able to find a command besides “Kill yourself” in the box?

> ==>

That... looks an awful lot like someone looking at a suggestion box chock full of “kill yourself”.

Is his suggestion box going to have lasted a total of a single page??  That seems quite likely all of a sudden.

> ==>

Mhmm.

> ==>

Um.

> Dirk: Stop making Homestuck.

Yeah, kowtowing to everyone’s will isn’t so easy, is it motherfucker?

But this was going to be a little fun we had together. A callback to simpler times. I just wanted to play a game, and you were going to be part of it. That submission box was my olive branch, dipped tentatively and at arms length into the trash furnace of creative potential known as 'Online'. But I should have known better. People think you can run a story like this? This must be just about the stupidest idea anyone has ever come up with. I'll just have to make up the commands myself from here on out. Seemed to work ok for the other guy.

Dirk may be a hypocrite, but he is a practical hypocrite.

> Dirk: Examine room.

How the hell did you get their entry items? Did you realchemize them?

Wha...? “Succulent flora”? Some sorta weed reference, John’s apple or... what?

Why the Cal outfit.  Seriously.

Why the “SCR3W YOU -TZ” on the jetwings?  Is Terezi mad you stole them but letting you keep them?  (And I would expect a little acrimony between her and the rest of the crew.  She more hopped on out of, like... the need of a career soldier to get back in the field than a need to fuck anything up for anyone else in particular.)

The ship itself is being BORROWED IN PERPETUITY and has served as our home for the past three years.

Just... screw three year journeys in general.  You know?

Seriously, that means Jade has been in a black-eyed fugue state for THREE FUCKING MORE YEARS.

Fuck all of that.  I know she’s immortal, but Fuck. All. Of. That.

Oh, and of COURSE the next command:

> Dirk: Contemplate equine iconography.

Pff.  A precious gift from splinter-Dirk’s ex-flame Obama.  I can live with that.

> Paint. Paper. Get to work.

This set of paints and the charred remains of my HORNED HEADBAND are the only surviving relics of the first and last WORLDWIDE INTERSPECIES ROLEPLAYING SESSION we ever attempted on Earth C.

That’s pretty awesome.

I’m really liking Homestuck again, guys.

> ==>

Of course there’s Dave with his dick-horns and you were a unicorn?????

It was the perfect trollsona. I was a highblood called... No, on second thoughts, let's not get into it. Some things are too painful to remember.

Yes, let’s please not.

> Inspect delicious houseplants.

Plants are basically the ideal friends. They don't constantly question your decisions, or try and undermine your authority, or suggest that perhaps you should try talking about your feelings every once in a while. Plants lie down in the dirt and take it, metaphorically speaking.

FUCK. YOU. DIRK.

What’s this, now? Did Terezi inject something into the narrative, or at least the command line? Is that something Dirk has a crack in his control over?

> ==>

Yep, Terezi has access to a Dirk command terminal.  This can only be a good thing.

TEREZI: YOU SHOULD H4V3 S33N YOUR F4C3! TEREZI: 1T W4S 4S PL41N 4ND F34TUR3L3SS 4S 3V3R, JUST L1K3 TH3 CLOY1NG T4NG OF YOUR OV3RB34R1NG OR4NG34D3 PROS3

I have missed trolling, non-depressed Terezi SO badly.

SO badly.

She was the first character I learned to roleplay properly, I think I’ve mentioned on occasion? 1 C4N 3V3N ST1LL TOUCH TYP3 L1K3 TH1S.

TEREZI: 3XC3PT DONT 4CTU4LLY DO TH4T B3C4US3 1 DONT W4NT YOU TO SULLY TH3S3 D3L1C1OUS R3D SL1PP3RS W1TH YOUR SUDOR1F3ROUS N1NJ4 F33T

Of course she still has Jade’s sparkleshoes.  (A Witch’s shoes, more or less!  Possibly as a symbol of the proper balance she’s come to recognize between her role and its opposite.)

TEREZI: TH3R3S ONLY SO M4NY T1M3S 4 G1RL C4N SN1FF H3R W4Y THROUGH TH3 1N-FL1GHT S3L3CT1ON OF 34ST 34RTH 4N1M4T1ON B3FOR3 SH3 G3TS S1CK OF TH3 SM3LL DIRK: I'm sorry to hear that.

Pfhehehe.

DIRK: Although, in fairness, you came along of your own volition DIRK: It's not my fault the journey didn't live up to your expectations. TEREZI: TH4TS 4 L13 SO F1LTHY TH4T JUST SM3LL1NG 1T M4K3S M3 W4NT TO GO THROW UP 1NTO TH3 N34R3ST TO1L3T! TEREZI: 1 H4D V3RY L1TTL3 S4Y 1N TH3 M4TT3R TEREZI: W3 BOTH KNOW TH4T YOU M4N1PUL4T3D M3 1NTO 1T W1TH YOUR PR1NC3LY W1L3S DIRK: Princely wiles??

Hmm...!

This is going to be quite an ongoing theme, isn’t it?  Characters not explicitly knowing whether or not Dirk “wrote” them doing or thinking something, or not.  Debating it in retrospect, arguing WITH him about it, et cetera.

Rose has doubtlessly figured out the bit of manipulation Dirk used to separate her from Kanaya and vice-versa to go on this trip, but has acquiesced anyway out of a desire to do something important and fulfill her role.

...I hope.  Seriously, she’d better not have been kept under a hundred percent Dirk control THIS WHOLE TIME.

TEREZI: 1M T4LK1NG 4BOUT YOUR G3N3S1S FROG S1Z3D 1N4B1L1TY TO SHUT UP, WH1CH S33MS TO H4V3 SOM3HOW R34CH3D 4 M4SS SO CR1T1C4L 1TS OP3N3D UP 4 WORMHOL3 1N TH3 F4BR1C OF R34L1TY 1TS3LF TEREZI: YOUV3 ST4RT3D DO1NG TH4T *TH1NG* 4G41N 4ND 1TS COMPL3T3LY 1NSUFF3R4BL3 DIRK: Oh, sorry. DIRK: I forget how easy it is for you to pick up on it.

Yep. A Seer of Mind able to see with startling clarity when and how a Narrator is trying to fuck with her or tell her what to think.

TEREZI: 1M4G1N3 TH4T 1M ST4ND1NG R1GHT N3XT TO YOU TEREZI: W1TH 4 M3G4PHON3 PR3SS3D SNUGLY UP 4G41NST YOUR 1NFUND1BUL4R 4UR4L PROTRUS1ON TEREZI: NOW 1M4G1N3 TH4T 1 PROC33D TO DRUB YOU S3NS3L3SS W1TH S41D M3G4PHON3, 4ND TH3N D1R3CT 4N 4POLOGY 4T YOUR SLUMP3D, TW1TCH1NG BODY THROUGH 1T TEREZI: TH4T 1S WH4T WH4T3V3R YOUR3 DO1NG F33LS L1K3 TEREZI: 1TS L3SS TH4T 1 C4N "P1CK UP ON 1T", 4ND MOR3 TH4T 1T 4SS4ULTS MY V3RY CONSC1OUSN3SS TEREZI: YOU H4V3 4LL TH3 SUBTL3TY OF 4 CULL1NG FORK TO TH3 THOR4C1C 3XOSK3L3T4L PL4T34U TEREZI: 4ND 1TS H4RDLY SURPR1S1NG TH4T 1 C4N H34R YOU SO CL34RLY

Mhmm.  Quite a relief we have someone who can cut through it so easily, in such close proximity to him.

TEREZI: 1F 1T W4S B3C4US3 1M 4 S33R, TH3N HOW COM3 ROS3 DO3SNT KNOW 4BOUT 1T TOO? TEREZI: 1 M34N... M4YB3 SH3 DO3S??? BUT 1F SO SH3S SOM3HOW PUTT1NG ON TH3 B3ST 4CT 1V3 3V3R S33N

Fuck.  I mean.

I knew Rose probably wouldn’t know moment-to-moment when Dirk is writing for her.  But this means she COULD plausibly still be under more-or-less total control, coddled in delusions written specifically to keep her on his side.  Which is fucking throw-up horrible.

TEREZI: NO, 1M PR3TTY SUR3 1TS B3C4US3 OF OUR 4SP3CTS DIRK: What, Heart and Mind? TEREZI: M1ND 4ND H34RT, Y3S TEREZI: TH3 TWO OF US 4R3 OPPOS1T3S, R1GHT? TEREZI: 4ND WH3N 1T COM3S TO TH3 4SP3CTS, OPPOS1NG P41RS 3FF3CT1V3LY D3F1N3 34CH OTH3R ON 4 FUND4M3NT4L L3V3L TEREZI: M1ND 4ND H34RT, T1M3 4ND SP4C3... TEREZI: TH3YR3 4LL TWO S1D3S OF TH3 S4M3 CO1N TEREZI: OR 1 GU3SS TEREZI: TW3LV3 S1D3S OF TH3 S4M3 S1X CO1NS?

This is what people were saying I was proven right about right? Aspect Duality?

I mean... it’s not like this is a big step out of the Homestuck team’s way.  This wasn’t one of those still-under-debate theories, this was one that’d been made as explicitly true as it could possibly could have been by the story without outright saying it, is all.  This was just... inching the story’s feet a millimeter more to go over that line.

I guess it’ll shut up all those people who tried to argue with me way back when that Mind and Heart were somehow not the right opposites.  I mean, jegus.

TEREZI: SOOOOOOOOO... TEREZI: YOU JUST W4NT M3 TO, L1K3 TEREZI: DOM YOU W1TH TH1S COMM4ND ST4T1ON FOR 4 WH1L3?? DIRK: If you wanted to phrase it in a way most calculated to awaken the hair-trigger psychoanalytical instincts of my slime daughter, then yes, I suppose you could say that.

Glad to see we’re carrying on with the Epilogues’ adult mindset as expected.  (I mean, Homestuck was always adult, but... you know what I mean.)

DIRK: You're a strange and funny girl, Terezi,

Please stop quoting your part-of-Doc-Scratch splinter.

DIRK: Consider this little sum of executive power over my actions a planet-warming gift. Spend it wisely.

Please stop quoting your part-of-Doc-Scratch splinter.

Oh my gosh, yes.  Please keep trolling the fuck out of Dirk, Terezi.

> ==>

Where are we going with this? Maybe a nibbled leaf?

> ==>

Yup.  (And Terezi’s taking a lil’ Papyrus-y spin on her usual laugh.)

> WH4TS TH4T L1TTL3 T4BL3 N3XT TO YOU?

Pff.  Dirk’s talking in ALL CAPS FOR KEY WORDS narrative-speak in regular conversation now.

And yeah, your respect for others’ property rights kind of goes out the window once you decide to start trampling over the will of all of the multiverse, doesn’t it.

> L1B3R4T3 L4LOND14N L1BR4RY

TEREZI: NO, 1 M34NT TH3 M3M3S TEREZI: "R3M3MB3R LONGC4T J4N3?" TEREZI: COMPL3T3LY 1NCOMPR3H3NS1BL3

We feel your pain, Terezi.

> ==>

DIRK: (I captchalogue the book into my MSPA MODUS. Forget HASH MAPS, PICTIONARY, or any of that shit. This thing is where it's at.)

Huh.  I’m not sure I’d trust a modus with that name to do exactly what one expects it to do, sir.

Pff... sprite jokes.

> SCR34M L1K3 4 W1GGL3R 4ND T1DY YOUR D3SK

Terezi’s not used to “writing” Homestuck either.  Or, is maybe too used to the way it’s normally written.

TEREZI: FOR SOM3ON3 WHO CL41MS TO KNOW 4 LOT 4BOUT JOK3S YOU SUR3 H4V3 CONT1NU3D TO S4Y B4S1C4LLY NOTH1NG FUNNY 3V3R

Yes. More insults to the Dirk plz.

> ==>

Christ, he already has a picture on his desk of the thing he’s about to-- guh.

He’s not gonna stop showing off like this, is he?  Not a narrator prone to avoid flaunting his power, this one.

> ==>

Nice throwback, but is this your proof you have a sense of humor, Dirk?

Or just missing lost love?

> ==>

Made good progress? Towards what?

> ==>

Pfff.

DIRK: Smell this Terezi? DIRK: This is a panel. TEREZI: OK4Y

So a bit less showing-off, and a bit more acknowledging the hard art work that needs to be put in to make all this Hapen.

Alright, more meta-discussion about the mixed medium and finding the best way to tell this story, sure.

> ==>

Hoo boy, this page seems dense.  I’ll split the post here and keep going in a fresh one.