#set up a dating profile got two matches after rejecting like half the site for an hour and they were both so cute but i unmatched them

[aqent8]

they need to invent people that make me feel at ease, safe and love me unconditionally

[socialattractionuk]

Lonely man says he can’t get a date because he’s blind – after 50 women ghosted him

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A lonely man says he can’t get a date because he’s blind.

28-year-old Daniel Williams has never been able to get past the initial chatting stage on dating apps, and says he gets more matches when his profile doesn’t include a picture of him and his guide dog Zodiac.

Daniel, from Cardiff, has even been ghosted over 50 times due to his condition – even though he says it makes him a better listener than the average man.

Daniel, who has only ever had one serious girlfriend, was diagnosed with retinitis pigmentosa, which causes gradual sight loss, aged eight and uses special magnification software to look for love on dating sites.

He said: ‘I really struggle with dating and I find it’s all about looks these days.

‘With social media and swiping people for their appearance, people don’t see the bigger picture.

‘I realised that when I use a picture of me and my guide dog Zodiac on my dating profile, I get less matches than when I don’t use one.

He says he gets less matches if he shares a photo of himself with his guide dog (Picture: Matt Horwood/Mercury Press)

‘But when you’re blind, you’re more in tune with the conversation and vibe, and you can judge character more – I’m a great listener so I’d like to think that means I’m a great boyfriend!

‘I guess it might be a good thing if I missed out on those types of people, but I’m getting frustrated now and I’d like to find Mrs Right.’

Daniel was in a serious relationship for three years from 2012 to 2015, but the couple split as they didn’t think they were compatible.

After he recovered from the heartbreak, Daniel began to use dating sites to fit in with his extremely busy lifestyle.

Initially, he said he was shocked when he realised he had been rejected due to his condition, but now believes it could be because some people are scared of the unknown and lack awareness of visual impairments.

Daniel added: ‘If you’re going to accept an invitation for a date from someone who has appalling sight like me, don’t be fooled – it’s no good thinking you may as well turn up wearing your old gardening clobber and save yourself a bit of time.

‘A lot of sighted people concentrate only on visual appearance when deciding if they are attracted to someone but miss what really counts.

‘Conversational skills get forgotten – the sound of a voice, the volume, tone and emphasis on words as well as choice of words, even the way someone breathes or eats are significant.

Daniel says being blind makes him an even better boyfriend (Picture: Matt Horwood/Mercury Press)

‘There’s no need to tip-toe about on eggshells until they crunch because you’re scared you’ll say something stupid like, “let’s go and see a good film or play” or “the menu here looks good, see anything you fancy?”

‘Blind people can see, they just see in different ways.

‘They also are great at laughing at themselves – I’m an ace at this because if I didn’t laugh at myself, I’d spend half my day worrying about how foolish I might look!’

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At the age of five, Daniel had his first pre-school check up and was advised by the health practitioner to go to the opticians – before this he was quite clumsy and wouldn’t even notice he had stains on his clothes.

He started to understand that he was going blind at the age of eight, when his glasses prescriptions weren’t helping his sight and school became difficult.

The businessman was then referred to a specialist optician at Bristol Eye Hospital and was diagnosed with retinitis pigmentosa.

He got his guide dog Zodiac, a black Labrador retriever cross, in October 2016 and said he has an incredible bond with him.

Daniel set up his own company, Visualise Training and Consultancy, in 2014 to help businesses and organisations increase awareness of accessibility challenges disabled employees or customers may face.

He added: ‘In the future I’d definitely like to meet someone and fall in love, definitely.

‘When accepting a date from a blind person, keep your eyes wide open. We’re a great bunch… and we look good!’

MORE: Bruey the labrador has lost 2.5 stone after he got a little chunky

MORE: How to deal with not being where you want to be in your career

[foursprout-blog]

How To Get Over The Guy Who You Never Really Had

New Post has been published on http://foursprout.com/happiness/how-to-get-over-the-guy-who-you-never-really-had-2/

How To Get Over The Guy Who You Never Really Had

Brandon Stanciell

I think getting over a guy you never actually had is harder than getting over a breakup. At least with someone you were in a relationship with, you were there. You lived it, you experienced the breakdown of the relationship, the disconnection, the fights, the pain, and whatever else went into you both calling it quits. When it’s a guy you never really had, well all you have are the thoughts of what could have been. And that vision can’t ever come to fruition because he doesn’t want it to.

And you don’t get it. You think he’s great, you like him, you enjoy spending time with him, how does he not feel the same way? You’re left mourning the loss of the potential of what could have been, and that is almost more painful than mourning a reality that has been.

I’ve lived through this sort of thing many a time, but the most shocking was a guy we’ll call Jack. We “met” through an online dating site and exchanged lengthy messages for about a month. He lived in LA, but like me, he works for himself and has a flexible schedule so the distance wasn’t such an issue.

We finally took it to the next level and spoke on the phone. And our first phone call was six hours! I absolutely despise talking on the phone, I’m that person who is annoyed when someone calls and it isn’t an emergency. I’m that person who is always plotting my escape from a conversation. But not in this case, I genuinely enjoyed talking to him and finding out all about him. He was cool and interesting and just seemed like an all-around awesome guy … now, how often do those come around?

We had another “date” set for a few days later and I was actually excited. I was already picturing a bi-coastal life, spending some time in LA with my new boyfriend and then back to NYC. I was so excited about the possibilities … it felt like something really special was brewing and I just couldn’t wait to see how it would all unfold.

Our next phone conversation also went well, but maybe wasn’t as electric. This time we spoke for about an hour and a half because some of his friends unexpectedly showed up and he had to cut it short. This time I felt like something was a little off, but I brushed it aside.

A few days later while on the phone with a Time Warner guy to fix some cable issues, I saw an email from him pop up on my phone. I immediately clicked it open and here is what it said (This is an actual copy-paste job!):

Hey Sabrina,

It’s been great getting to know you and talking the past few days but unfortunately, I don’t think I’m the best match for you, and I think you deserve to have the person who is best for you. You’re an awesome person who I definitely connect with but I think it’s more on a friendship level.

All the best and enjoy Italy!

What. The. Hell. I literally lose the ability to speak. The Time Warner man asks me if the connection finished reloading and I can’t answer, I’m in a fog, I’m in shock. I mean … what????

You like me as a friend?? You don’t think we’re a match?? You haven’t even met me yet! At least meet me and then dump me! This all just seemed so discourteous. Am I so bad that I can’t even get a guy to date me before dumping me? And how did I not see this coming? I was ready to pack my bags and head to the sunshine state … and he was just like nah? None of this makes sense.

Now had he said, “Look, I think the distance complicates things,” then I would have been fine because that makes sense. But what he said made no sense and I just felt devastated … and also really offended, to be honest!

I also felt kind of like an idiot for feeling that way. I didn’t even know this guy. We never met. For all I knew, I was being catfished and he doesn’t even exist. Why was I so upset about this? But I was, and that’s just something you need to admit when you lose a guy you never even had. It’s sad and it hurts and you have to deal with it almost like you would an actual breakup.

I have a theory that dating is much harder for people who never like anyone. I’m the kind of person who is either all in or all out. There is no, “Hmm, this guy is OK. I don’t really know how I feel so I’ll give it more time.” I always know how I feel. For people like us, when that rare gem comes along … that guy who we actually like, who we see potential with, we latch on and don’t let go, we need it to work. And when it doesn’t, it’s doubly depressing because we don’t know when the next worthy candidate will come along.

But enough storytelling. How do we get over these kinds of “relationships”? How do we move on with grace and dignity, rather than feeling insecure and full of self-loathing?

Here is how:

1. Realize potential always looks prettier than reality

Whatever visions you have in your mind are just fantasies. I’m not saying you can’t ever have that kind of relationship, I’m saying you can’t have it with him. Why? Because the kind of guy that can give you the loving relationship you want is not the same guy who will leave you before he even really gets to know you.

The right guy for you is a guy who wants to be with you. He will do whatever it takes. He won’t just give you some flimsy reason as to why he doesn’t want to see you anymore.

2. Not everyone is a match.

I know it feels personal. It feels like something must be wrong with you. And maybe you go on a mission to discover what that thing is and try to fix it so that Prince Charming will see the error in his ways and beg to have you back. In my case, my issue was maybe I’m not “sexy” enough on the phone. Maybe I’m a little too “friendly,” maybe I needed to hold back more. All of this is so ridiculous because none of it matters with the right guy. If you have to measure your words and affect so much, then he’s not for you!

I’m sure you’ve had experiences where you dated a guy who was crazy about you, but something just wasn’t clicking for you. Maybe he was lacking in a quality you really need in a partner, maybe he had too much of a quality that you don’t like. Whatever the case, you thought he was a good guy, he just wasn’t the right match for you.

Sometimes you’ll have the clarity, sometimes he will. And in an ideal world, both of you will see it and will part amicably. But unfortunately, love isn’t always so kind or fair. If he doesn’t like you, nothing you say will change his mind. That’s not how love and attraction work.

It sucks to be the one who thinks everything is great only to be blindsided when the guy is like, nah. But you need to trust that all it means is he isn’t right for you. And that’s a good thing! Now you’re free to find someone who is, to find a guy who does appreciate you and more importantly, really wants to be with you!

3. Get distance

It’s really hard to get distance from anyone in this day and age because privacy is dead and we’re all up in each other’s business and social media stories. How are you supposed to forget about anyone when the means of stalking are so endless?

But you must be strong. You need to get both physical and emotional distance. The more you think about him, the worse you’ll feel about yourself. That’s just how it goes. He’s a guy that you want and who doesn’t want you and hence, you are unworthy. Your mind will always go in that sad direction, so don’t let it!

Unfriend him, punish yourself for stalking him (a good one I like is making yourself run a mile every time you look at his profile. This way you discourage yourself, but also can get in shape if you do cave), or just go away for a long weekend, or a full week if you can swing it. Traveling can be incredibly therapeutic.

4. Look back objectively

I know you think he was so great and so sexy and so funny and so everything, but if he is a human being, then I guarantee there is also a lot wrong with him. So if you must think about him at all, think about that stuff.

Don’t look back with rose-colored glasses. Look back with objective lenses and look at all the reasons and all the ways this wouldn’t have worked out, there must be some because if he was the perfect guy for you then he would be with you!

5. You never know where this will lead…

As you saw in the copy-pasted email, I had a trip to Italy coming up a few weeks after I was blindsided. The trip couldn’t have been better timing (see step #3). I went to Italy for two weeks and had the time of my life. When I got back, my high school ex-boyfriend who I ran into earlier that summer reached out to me and we decided to meet up. And now we’re married!

The bad things in life usually set us on a path for the good, but only if we help steer ourselves in that direction. Wallowing and moping won’t serve you. I do think it’s important to embrace your negative emotions and also to not beat yourself up for feeling sad about this. But you also need to try and stay as positive as you can. Adopting an attitude of, “All men suck. Nothing ever works out for me, my life is hopeless,” will not get you the love you want. It will only make you miserable and suck all the joy out of your life.

Don’t punish yourself for someone else’s decisions or mistakes or stupidity. All his rejection means is he’s not the right guy for you. Maybe it’s because you aren’t the type of women he imagines himself with, maybe it’s because he’s a damage case and is incapable of liking anyone past a certain point, the reasons don’t matter. The facts do. (See my article on Damage Cases for more on that!)

6. Feel good

Finally, the antidote for feeling bad is to do things that make you feel good — a genius concept, I know! So do what makes you happy. Exercise, spend time with friends, travel, take up a new hobby. Focus on being your best self, rather than wallowing, which will only make you your worst self.

[foursprouthappiness-blog]

How To Get Over The Guy Who You Never Really Had

New Post has been published on http://foursprout.com/happiness/how-to-get-over-the-guy-who-you-never-really-had/

How To Get Over The Guy Who You Never Really Had

Brandon Stanciell

I think getting over a guy you never actually had is harder than getting over a breakup. At least with someone you were in a relationship with, you were there. You lived it, you experienced the breakdown of the relationship, the disconnection, the fights, the pain, and whatever else went into you both calling it quits. When it’s a guy you never really had, well all you have are the thoughts of what could have been. And that vision can’t ever come to fruition because he doesn’t want it to.

And you don’t get it. You think he’s great, you like him, you enjoy spending time with him, how does he not feel the same way? You’re left mourning the loss of the potential of what could have been, and that is almost more painful than mourning a reality that has been.

I’ve lived through this sort of thing many a time, but the most shocking was a guy we’ll call Jack. We “met” through an online dating site and exchanged lengthy messages for about a month. He lived in LA, but like me, he works for himself and has a flexible schedule so the distance wasn’t such an issue.

We finally took it to the next level and spoke on the phone. And our first phone call was six hours! I absolutely despise talking on the phone, I’m that person who is annoyed when someone calls and it isn’t an emergency. I’m that person who is always plotting my escape from a conversation. But not in this case, I genuinely enjoyed talking to him and finding out all about him. He was cool and interesting and just seemed like an all-around awesome guy … now, how often do those come around?

We had another “date” set for a few days later and I was actually excited. I was already picturing a bi-coastal life, spending some time in LA with my new boyfriend and then back to NYC. I was so excited about the possibilities … it felt like something really special was brewing and I just couldn’t wait to see how it would all unfold.

Our next phone conversation also went well, but maybe wasn’t as electric. This time we spoke for about an hour and a half because some of his friends unexpectedly showed up and he had to cut it short. This time I felt like something was a little off, but I brushed it aside.

A few days later while on the phone with a Time Warner guy to fix some cable issues, I saw an email from him pop up on my phone. I immediately clicked it open and here is what it said (This is an actual copy-paste job!):

Hey Sabrina,

It’s been great getting to know you and talking the past few days but unfortunately, I don’t think I’m the best match for you, and I think you deserve to have the person who is best for you. You’re an awesome person who I definitely connect with but I think it’s more on a friendship level.

All the best and enjoy Italy!

What. The. Hell. I literally lose the ability to speak. The Time Warner man asks me if the connection finished reloading and I can’t answer, I’m in a fog, I’m in shock. I mean … what????

You like me as a friend?? You don’t think we’re a match?? You haven’t even met me yet! At least meet me and then dump me! This all just seemed so discourteous. Am I so bad that I can’t even get a guy to date me before dumping me? And how did I not see this coming? I was ready to pack my bags and head to the sunshine state … and he was just like nah? None of this makes sense.

Now had he said, “Look, I think the distance complicates things,” then I would have been fine because that makes sense. But what he said made no sense and I just felt devastated … and also really offended, to be honest!

I also felt kind of like an idiot for feeling that way. I didn’t even know this guy. We never met. For all I knew, I was being catfished and he doesn’t even exist. Why was I so upset about this? But I was, and that’s just something you need to admit when you lose a guy you never even had. It’s sad and it hurts and you have to deal with it almost like you would an actual breakup.

I have a theory that dating is much harder for people who never like anyone. I’m the kind of person who is either all in or all out. There is no, “Hmm, this guy is OK. I don’t really know how I feel so I’ll give it more time.” I always know how I feel. For people like us, when that rare gem comes along … that guy who we actually like, who we see potential with, we latch on and don’t let go, we need it to work. And when it doesn’t, it’s doubly depressing because we don’t know when the next worthy candidate will come along.

But enough storytelling. How do we get over these kinds of “relationships”? How do we move on with grace and dignity, rather than feeling insecure and full of self-loathing?

Here is how:

1. Realize potential always looks prettier than reality

Whatever visions you have in your mind are just fantasies. I’m not saying you can’t ever have that kind of relationship, I’m saying you can’t have it with him. Why? Because the kind of guy that can give you the loving relationship you want is not the same guy who will leave you before he even really gets to know you.

The right guy for you is a guy who wants to be with you. He will do whatever it takes. He won’t just give you some flimsy reason as to why he doesn’t want to see you anymore.

2. Not everyone is a match.

I know it feels personal. It feels like something must be wrong with you. And maybe you go on a mission to discover what that thing is and try to fix it so that Prince Charming will see the error in his ways and beg to have you back. In my case, my issue was maybe I’m not “sexy” enough on the phone. Maybe I’m a little too “friendly,” maybe I needed to hold back more. All of this is so ridiculous because none of it matters with the right guy. If you have to measure your words and affect so much, then he’s not for you!

I’m sure you’ve had experiences where you dated a guy who was crazy about you, but something just wasn’t clicking for you. Maybe he was lacking in a quality you really need in a partner, maybe he had too much of a quality that you don’t like. Whatever the case, you thought he was a good guy, he just wasn’t the right match for you.

Sometimes you’ll have the clarity, sometimes he will. And in an ideal world, both of you will see it and will part amicably. But unfortunately, love isn’t always so kind or fair. If he doesn’t like you, nothing you say will change his mind. That’s not how love and attraction work.

It sucks to be the one who thinks everything is great only to be blindsided when the guy is like, nah. But you need to trust that all it means is he isn’t right for you. And that’s a good thing! Now you’re free to find someone who is, to find a guy who does appreciate you and more importantly, really wants to be with you!

3. Get distance

It’s really hard to get distance from anyone in this day and age because privacy is dead and we’re all up in each other’s business and social media stories. How are you supposed to forget about anyone when the means of stalking are so endless?

But you must be strong. You need to get both physical and emotional distance. The more you think about him, the worse you’ll feel about yourself. That’s just how it goes. He’s a guy that you want and who doesn’t want you and hence, you are unworthy. Your mind will always go in that sad direction, so don’t let it!

Unfriend him, punish yourself for stalking him (a good one I like is making yourself run a mile every time you look at his profile. This way you discourage yourself, but also can get in shape if you do cave), or just go away for a long weekend, or a full week if you can swing it. Traveling can be incredibly therapeutic.

4. Look back objectively

I know you think he was so great and so sexy and so funny and so everything, but if he is a human being, then I guarantee there is also a lot wrong with him. So if you must think about him at all, think about that stuff.

Don’t look back with rose-colored glasses. Look back with objective lenses and look at all the reasons and all the ways this wouldn’t have worked out, there must be some because if he was the perfect guy for you then he would be with you!

5. You never know where this will lead…

As you saw in the copy-pasted email, I had a trip to Italy coming up a few weeks after I was blindsided. The trip couldn’t have been better timing (see step #3). I went to Italy for two weeks and had the time of my life. When I got back, my high school ex-boyfriend who I ran into earlier that summer reached out to me and we decided to meet up. And now we’re married!

The bad things in life usually set us on a path for the good, but only if we help steer ourselves in that direction. Wallowing and moping won’t serve you. I do think it’s important to embrace your negative emotions and also to not beat yourself up for feeling sad about this. But you also need to try and stay as positive as you can. Adopting an attitude of, “All men suck. Nothing ever works out for me, my life is hopeless,” will not get you the love you want. It will only make you miserable and suck all the joy out of your life.

Don’t punish yourself for someone else’s decisions or mistakes or stupidity. All his rejection means is he’s not the right guy for you. Maybe it’s because you aren’t the type of women he imagines himself with, maybe it’s because he’s a damage case and is incapable of liking anyone past a certain point, the reasons don’t matter. The facts do. (See my article on Damage Cases for more on that!)

6. Feel good

Finally, the antidote for feeling bad is to do things that make you feel good — a genius concept, I know! So do what makes you happy. Exercise, spend time with friends, travel, take up a new hobby. Focus on being your best self, rather than wallowing, which will only make you your worst self.