#sh: we cannot bear the thing we crave

[leirsulien-archive]

when did ava and liv become so soft, like you were supposed to annoy eachother

[concussed-to-pieces]

To Tell You The Truth Part Ten

Fandom: Prospect [2018]

Pairing: Ezra/Prospector!Reader

Rating: Holy shit M.

AN: Thank you so much for reading and enjoying, my friends! Thank you for your kind support of my endeavors. I hope that this story has managed to bring you some peace, or at the very least function as an interesting distraction from the issues we currently slog through like so much Bakhroma Green dust. Stay safe out there, be well and be kind. Now here we are at the end of our tale! I've had a lot of fun writing this, and I'm so glad that you liked it enough to stick around. Enjoy!

Tag List: @huliabitch​ @wrestlingfae​ @renegademustelid​ @zombiexbody​ @sporadic-fics​ @rzrcrst​ @lackofhonor​ @the-feckless-wonder​ @arrowswithwifi​ @fioccodineveautunnale​ @absurdthirst​ @cryptkeepersoul​ @fleetwoodmactshirt​ @88dragon06​ @roxypeanut​ @walkerchick007​ @peggers-n-beggers​ @robbinholland​ @chrisbostonevans​ @cinewhore @sarcasmisakindofmagic​ @phenomenaaa @evidenceofzoe​ @sinnamon-bunn​

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

Part Four

Part Five

Part Six

Part Seven

Part Eight

Part Nine

[!TRIGGER WARNING!: This installment discusses children/pregnancy/'family-planning'. Stay safe!]

You slipped from the bed, barely managing to untangle yourself from his embrace without waking him. Ezra seemed less man and more octopus when he slept. Wrapping your shirt around you as more of an afterthought than anything else, you crept out of his room and returned to your own. 

Through the tiny window in your bathroom you could see thick snowflakes falling, and you dimly heard the low rumble of the street plows. As you filled your tub, you caught sight of yourself in the mirror above the sink.

And you smiled.

Kevva, you were a mess! Your hair was mussed, your chest and collarbone littered with marks from Ezra's tender ministrations. You ran your fingers over your skin, laughing quietly. It had been so long, you'd almost forgotten what it felt like to enjoy sex. Almost forgotten how sticky it made you feel afterwards too, hence your bath.

Your body tingled and ached in the best ways, like you had just gotten done with a satisfying workout. In a way, you supposed you had. 

Once the tub had filled, you carefully sank into it with a sigh of contentment. The warmth of the water felt heavenly, soothing the admittedly-tender skin of your inner thighs. You knew you ought to get started washing up, but first you dipped a little lower in the water and blew a few bubbles. Perfect.

You were midway through scrubbing yourself down when you heard Ezra's voice, the man sounding slightly panicked as he called your name. "I'm in my bathroom!" You replied. 

Footsteps bolted up the hall and the former prospector all but lunged into your room, his hair even more of a mess than usual and his eyes wild. "Oh. Oh. Forgive me for invadin' your boudoir, gentle soul." He apologized after he spotted you through the open bathroom door, averting his eyes. "I may have had a bit of a terror, and when I awoke to find you missing, I...I'm out of sorts, is all." He rambled, his voice still gravelly with sleep. "Did you see that it has finally begun to snow?"

"I did! I'm surprised we can hear the plows all the way up here." You answered cautiously. He was working his jaw again. "I'm sorry I left, I just forgot how grungy I can get when...well uh, you know. During." 

Ezra waved off your apology, seeming to have calmed down. "No need for contrition, gentle soul. It was my mind playing cruel pranks on me. I'll leave you to your bath, and then rest." 

"Hey, wait." You implored as he turned to leave. "Go get showered and then come sleep in here with me instead? My sheets are clean. We probably did a number on yours." Ezra tilted his head, dark eyes studying you thoughtfully. "What?" You asked after a moment, a little disconcerted.

"You are so incredibly beautiful." He murmured simply, making you flush. "I merely wanted to drink it in. You have no equal even in my vast vocabulary, no match in my lexicon. And so I settle on the trite, the mundane, beautiful." He shook his head. "A tragedy, really, but should I resort to something so exotic as pulchritudinous every time I feel amorous, I fear you may want to strike me out of exasperation." 

"Oh no no, that one is for special occasions. Weddings and funerals only." You joked. He laughed, his pensive expression finally easing. "Now go, I'm going to get ready for bed. Meet me back here in ten."

Ezra saluted lazily, still chuckling.

…

"You recall what I mentioned earlier, gentle soul?" He asked softly once the two of you were safely ensconced in the warm cloud of your comforter. "About how this all seems like a dream?" You nodded against his chest, feeling the deep sigh he let out. "I am never the final stop on the proverbial slingback, you see. There is always a brighter horizon, a more affluent lover, another mountain to scale." He explained, sounding resigned.

"Not for me, there isn't." You said, raising your head so you could look at him. "I want to be here with you. As long as I can have you."

"You are hardly the first to offer up such a platitude." Ezra murmured, his nonchalance once again making your heart sink. "So I will be with you, and hold you, and love you until you are weary of me, and then…" he hesitated, "and then I will release you without debate, for you are not mine to cling to. You are your own woman, gentle soul, for all that it wounds me to say it."

"Excuse me?" You propped yourself up on your elbow. His eyes were firmly locked on the ceiling overhead, studiously avoiding your gaze. "Ezra, what the hell?"

His jaw worked and you saw him swallow hard. "I did not mean to cause you grief, gentle soul. I am not particularly skilled at pillow talk."

"Hey, no, look at me. Please?" You requested softly. Ezra blinked up at the ceiling. "Please, Ezra. Don't disappear on me just yet."

"I am not the master of my own emotions currently. I must insist we postpone this discus-"

"Ezra." You huffed, cupping his face with your hands. He struggled to dodge your eyes, his own filling with tears the longer he attempted. "Oh...no, no, don't cry Ezra. Talk to me." 

"Damn it, gentle soul, you have me all in a twist about this!" He cried in exasperation. "It is inevitable, invariable, inescapable, why does it abrade me so harshly this time?"

"How many other people have you written poetry for?" You inquired bluntly.

"Well...I mean, that is-"

"How many other people have you asked to share your living space?"

"Gentle soul, I don't-"

"How many people have you been patient with?"

"No one, damn it!" Ezra roared finally, "you're it! Are you satisfied now, now that you've dragged a dull, tepid answer out of me?! Are you thoroughly entertained by my piteous bawling, gentle soul?" His chest heaved with emotion and he rubbed roughly at his eyes. "I am not patient. Not by nature, not by habit or happenstance. I am not particularly generous, kind or honest, not without promise of recompense." He snapped, "I do not presume to be a good man, gentle soul. I've made this abundantly clear."

"So why would you be upset over me?" You pressed, not dissuaded in the slightest by his bluster, "why would you be good to me if it's so out of character for you?"

"Because you are all of those things, and I crave you more than any reward in this universe. Kevva above, your generous spirit has me reeling, your kind words leave me breathless, your honest love slaughters my deep-seated contempt for such juvenile emotions. Yet I cannot decipher whether I merely play at the better man, or if I have indeed metamorphosed due to you. Until I stumbled across you in the Green, I did not even believe someone like you existed." His eyes softened, going glassy once more. "Most of the time I still don't."

"But I do exist." You insisted. "I'm here, and I'm not leaving."

"Do not promise me such things." Ezra muttered, kissing your knuckles. "My morose poetry will be a poor replacement for the warmth of your touch when you do depart."

"I get the feeling that you like wallowing even more than you like me. You miserable-" You kissed him. "-broody-" Kiss. "-dour man." Bumping your forehead against his own, you continued, "I'm not leaving. The last thing I want to do is justify this mopery you're indulging in. What happened to the guy who dragged me halfway across the Pug for junk food?"

"I love you so much." Ezra whispered, his hands shakily carding through your hair. "I have warded off many a potential partner simply by the virtue of my verbose nature, but you have stayed throughout. While the thought of you leaving terrifies me, the thought of," he paused, grimacing, "the thought of becomin' something...becoming a man like him steals the very breath from my lungs. I shall not tear you from the sky, gentle soul. I will not clip your lovely wings."

You bit your lip. "I know you won't. That's why I'm still here." You assured him softly. "I'm yours for as long as you want me."

"Martyr's malfeasance, you cannot promise me eternity." Ezra protested. "I haven't even asked you yet, not officially, and we must think of the paperwork-"

"Asked me what?"

"Ah." Ezra cleared his throat, his face pinking up in a highly-endearing manner. "Well, that is to say...I had...I may have indulged in a bit of domestic daydreaming. Strictly speculative, you understand." He hemmed and hawed, wringing his hands nervously. "I am...I'm not a young man, gentle soul, I am approaching my mid-forties. My life has not been a particularly kind one, and I...my body is...worn." He stammered, "I-I bear the bold stamp of blue-collar occupation, as it were." 

You raised an eyebrow, confused at his discomfort. "Ezra, if you have something to say..."

"What do you want out of life, gentle soul?" Ezra asked suddenly. 

"Me? Uh..." You sat back on your haunches, propping your chin up with your hand as you thought. "I'd like to move somewhere a little quieter, eventually. More countryside. Somewhere that the flora won't kill me, of course, but you know." You shrugged, tapping at his ribs meditatively. "I liked working as an illustrator, though that may have more to do with the pleasant company than the actual work." You winked and he smiled weakly up at you, his own fingers drumming lightly on your knees. "I want a dog, and a nice house. Small one, with good lighting. Mostly though, I want to wake up next to you in the mornings. I want to draw you more."

You weren't sure if you would ever get used to how his gratitude struck you in your chest. It made his whole expression light up, blond patch bright like his own personal sunspot. For a man who was so brazenly cocksure, Ezra didn't seem to believe he was worth overmuch in anyone's eyes. 

"You have not yet been afforded the opportunity to grow weary of me, it appears," He remarked, "though we have endured each other's company for six stands and counting."

"Over half a year." You could barely believe it yourself. "So, I've told you what I'd like. And what would you ask of life, mister big shot author man?" You teased. 

Ezra's smile faded. "I would ask many things of life, though I have only one thing to ask of you." He rasped. "Accompany me in it." His hands folded over your own on his chest and you could feel him shaking. "I will not request you to stay any longer than you wish to, but I beg of you to...to be with me. For a moment, a stand...h-however long you can endure waking up beside me." He soldiered on admirably through his voice breaking, "I do not offer much, as you are aware. But I would like to believe that I could make you happy, at least for a time."

"Ezra, are you-" you swallowed hard. "Are you asking what I think you're asking?"

"I suppose that would depend on whether you are inclined to believe that I am asking you to...in less blatant terms, engage with myself in somethin' that may eventually, potentially, smack of the matrimonial persuasion." He was watching you closely, fragile hope shining through the serious, furrowed frown on his face. 

"You're serious." You stated weakly. He nodded once, a singular jerk of his head. "You...you're sure?"

"Abysmally certain." Ezra replied gruffly. "And I do not require an answer. Not now, not ever if you do not wish to reply, I merely-" 

Your mouth on his own put a stop to his amendments, and you felt his lips twitch into a smile when you breathed, "yes."

"Well!" He exclaimed gladly, sitting up and wrapping his arms around you. "I must say this--this particular outcome, while exceedingly welcome, was not anticipated!" 

"You've got to be kidding me." You groaned, shoving your hands into his hair to tug his face away from your own. "I'm gonna' do my level best to be patient with you, but fuck's sake Ezra." He grinned puckishly at you, his expression promising mischief. "I'll work on me if you work on you, okay? A little faith in yourself can go a long way, believe me." You lectured him sternly. 

"To think that you would be able to say such a thing to me." He commented dryly, making you snicker. "How the bastards have fallen, and now the gentle rule the earth as docile kings." Large hands combed carefully through your hair and he tilted your head for another kiss. "A dog, hmm?" You nodded wildly, making him chuckle into your mouth when your nose bumped his own. "I'll see what I can do, gentle soul."

…Three Years Later...

"Ezra!" You called, brow furrowing in confusion when there was no reply. "Ezra? Anglio? It's time for lunch!" You wiped your hands off on the flour sack towel that you had wound through your belt loop, trying to straighten your shirt out as an afterthought. "Ezra!" You called again, a little more concerned now as you moved from the kitchen to the screened-in porch, peering out through the jalousie window slats to survey the front yard. 

Turk, your massive Himalayan tomcat, wrapped himself around your ankles with a throaty, inquisitive burble. 

No sign of the dynamic duo. You sighed, petting Turk and resigning yourself to hunting them down after finishing your sixth well-meaning attempt at making bread. Maybe you were being too optimistic, expecting the dough to cooperate in this heat. 

The first loaf actually looked good, though! That had bolstered your confidence, which had in turn dug you into a glutinous hole. Any variation you tried on the original successful recipe resulted in nothing but failure. At least you had an overabundance of aggressively-crispy croutons and bread crumbs now? 

Oh well, sixth time's the charm. So much for my attempt at a subtle pun. 

After placing the tray in the oven, you headed outside to the front steps. Turk sauntered out alongside you, yawning and then sprawling on the steps. "Boys!" You shouted, smiling in relief when you heard a distant reply from the forest. "Lunch time!"

There was a crash and Anglio emerged from the trees, the small mutt baying excitedly to indicate that he was being pursued. You wondered (not for the first time) if Mr. Anglio knew about Dog Anglio. Ezra strode along behind the pup, laughing when the dog play-bowed and barked at him. "You wretched beast, leadin' me o’er hill and dale like a damn huntin' thoroughbred!" He growled good-naturedly, rubbing the dog's proffered belly. 

You smiled a little mistily at the scene, your heart skipping in your chest. 

Escaping the city had been the best choice that you and Ezra had made in your life together thus far. The house you had found, while small, sat on a sprawling, untamed estate that you had fallen in love with instantly. 

Anglio and Turk (formerly known as Foxy and Turducken) were acquired soon after from the shelter of the 'nearby' supply depot. You hadn't actually been looking for a cat, but the stately feline would not take no for an answer. Plus, Ezra had looked so torn as he buried his face in the stoic animal's side right before he had attempted to return him to his cage.

"You want a cat too? It's not like we can't take care of it." You had reasoned with a shrug, already fawning over the little orangey-brown mutt in your arms. Ezra had lit up, nodding firmly.

The cozy, domestic solitude stirred creativity in yourself and the man you shared your life with, culminating in a small collection of illustrated short stories that had, once again, done surprisingly well on the market. Ezra said he wanted to try writing children's books next, laughing when he announced it as if he was joking. His offhand remark had rekindled something in your belly: the warm, soft embers of a bonfire you had assumed long extinguished and buried. Children’s books...

The memories faded as Ezra traipsed up the steps, the last vestiges of spring mud coating his boots. "Ah, my beloved co-conspirator!" He announced dramatically, spreading his arms wide. "How I have missed you whilst engaging in a daring foray into the untamed wilderness!"

"Yes yes, Robinson Crusoe, we're so blessed by your survival skills and ability to create fire." You deadpanned, laughing when he caught you in his grasp and attempted to smother you with kisses. "Oh no, help me Anglio!" You cried in feigned distress, the dog prancing around your legs and yipping in reply. Turk meowed sleepily at all the commotion, putting his head back down after a moment.

"Such harsh barbs from my doting wife!" Ezra teased, rubbing his forehead against your own. "Have you been baking again, gentle soul?" He asked, sweeping a dusting of flour off of your cheek. 

You nodded, your heart hammering in your chest as you grabbed his hand and hauled him inside the porch, into the kitchen. "I h-have buns in the oven!" You choked out in a rush when he paused to kick off his boots by the door, unable to wait another second. 

"Wonderful! I am ravenous and…" Ezra trailed off as he straightened up and obviously caught sight of the expression on your face. You could only assume you looked a mixture of terrified and hopeful. It was certainly how you felt, at any rate. His brow furrowed suspiciously. "Wait."

"Well, uh, that is, there's multiple buns in the actual oven, b-but according to the doctor-" You held your hands out, the stance a strange echo of when he had been across from you in the pod all those years ago. "The doctor says j-just one. Healthy! One healthy, um, bun. In my oven." You squeaked. 

Ezra stared at you like he had never seen you before. He finally rasped, "how long?"

"How long what? How long have I known?" He nodded mutely. "Late last night. I had them scan during my routine checkup. I...I wanted to be sure." Your voice petered out as you spoke until you were essentially whispering. Uncertainty gripped your body; was he upset about this? Had you misread the situation? Oh Kevva, what if he didn’t want you now?

Ezra reached for one of the kitchen chairs, clumsily sinking into it. He didn't speak, he just sat there with his head in his hands.

You fidgeted with your towel, tears threatening to spill over as the silence lengthened. "Ezra, is...is this not okay?" You queried softly. 

His shoulders jerked when the timer for the oven went off, but other than that he gave no sign that he had heard anything. You turned your back to him and slipped on your oven mitts, moving almost mechanically to rescue the buns before they too were suited for nothing but croutons. You then shut off the oven and opened the drawer beside the sink, digging blindly for the spatula--

Ezra caught you up around the waist, crushing you to his chest so tightly it felt like all the breath left your body. "A baby!" He boomed, half-laughing as he spoke. "I am exuberant, over the fucking moon! How long do we have, when will they arrive?! I cannot believe this, I just--gentle soul, the serendipity that you have blessed my life with!" He exclaimed warmly, cupping your face and kissing you breathless.

"I take it you’re open to the idea, then?" You gasped out, feeling his thumbs wiping away the tears that had managed to escape. 

"Gentle soul, I...you are a miracle incarnate." Ezra's voice had taken on a tone of heated awe. "Your generous body, accepting my love in such a wondrous new way. I am truly a lucky man. A...I love you so very much." He murmured, his next hungry kiss chasing away all your lingering trepidation. "So, so very much, so much...an insurmountable amount." His hands grasped at your belt loops, tugging your hips in to slot against his own. "To think that when I laid with you during our anniversary, it would bear such precious fruit." He muttered. You felt his cock stirring through his jeans.

"E-Ezra, lunch…" you protested weakly. You still had your oven mitts on, your hands curled into loose fists resting on his chest.

"I will eat it later." He promised, his dark eyes wholly sincere even as his fingers worked at the buttons of your light blouse. "Once I have properly displayed the depth of my...appreciation." 

...

"You alone coax me into such promiscuity, I hope you are aware." Ezra grunted, burying his face in your hair. 

You whimpered down into the bedspread, the thumb that insistently dragged over your clit making your eyes roll back in your head. The blankets were still crisp and fresh from being hung out on the line, the sweet scent of summer sunlight and Ezra dominating your senses.

"You alone, and the notion that you are heavy with our child does not dull the edge in the slightest." He continued breathlessly from his position overhead, grinding his cock into you as deep as it could go and refusing to withdraw. "You feel incredible around me, gentle soul, fucking exquisite." 

His hips crushed to your rear and you rutted your body up onto your hands and knees, meeting him with the soft slap of heated, sweat-drenched skin. "Ezra, please-" you begged, making him hum. "Please, I want to come, please…" 

"Gentle soul, gentle soul," He gasped, "if you keep rocking back against me in that manner, I'll have no recourse but to give you what you ask for." The former prospector seized your arms, dragging you fully upright on your knees. He quickly released you, his wandering hands returning after a moment to rest on your stomach. "Your sensuous form stirs such lascivious thoughts in me." He breathed in your ear, smiling against your neck when you keened out. 

"Love you-" you gasped, and Ezra's fingers gripped your hips tightly. 

"I know you do." He assured, his words gone soft enough to ache, burrow their way into your ribcage and wrap around your heart. "Now come for me." He held himself still and you pushed yourself back against his cock, the methodical sway of your hips finally beckoning you over your edge. You cried out and Ezra caged in your throat with large fingers, the man feeling the vibrations of your enthusiastic climax with a low moan of his own. "How deliciously improbable," his voice grated, "that your sweet little cunt could manage to grip me even tighter than before-!"

"Fill me up, Ezra, come in me, come in me-" you pleaded, sagging back against him. The brilliant Mallen streak flickered into your field of view as the man behind you dropped his forehead onto your shoulder, his hips rolling and bucking furiously. You could feel him panting, hot breath washing over your back as your shaking fingers twined greedily into his hair. 

"What my Eve demands, what--what my gentle soul entreats, I have no choice but to oblige." He rasped out. "I am shattered, rendered insensate by the radiant splendor of this copulation in our private Eden." He mouthed shakily over your shoulder, finally biting down with a grunt as he came hard. You crooned quietly to him while he spent himself inside you and he groaned in reply, making you laugh. "You truly are a delight to behold, gentle soul." He sighed hoarsely, wrapping his arms around your midsection and cradling you close to his trembling body.

You dragged your fingers through his hair, a dopey smile rising on your face when his stomach loudly reiterated the fact that he had ignored lunch in favor of other, far more distracting activities. Ezra grimaced awkwardly. "Work up an appetite?" You teased, kissing the end of his nose and then the exaggerated scrunch of his brows.

"I may have gotten...sidetracked." He admitted with a self-conscious chuckle. "You can hardly judge me for that particular shortcoming, gentle soul." His warm palm splayed possessively on your stomach and he hummed low in his throat, the sound obviously one of contentment. "Our child."

"Ours." You echoed in agreement. 

"I hope that I...no, I left such trepidation behind long ago. I am a better man. For you, for us. And now, for them." Ezra said firmly, placing a kiss on your cheek. "Now, show me the result of your baking. I admit freely to bias, of course; I welcome any and all culinary attempts with open arms, as though they were gifts from the illustrious and powerful Waldorf-Astoria itself."

You squinted. "The what? Listen, I'm used to you being vaguely comprehensible at best, but even I have no idea what the words that just came out of your mouth were."

His reply was simply unrestrained, delighted laughter, his nose pressing into your cheek while he showered your face with even more playful kisses.

In my dreams you come to me, as timid and inexorable as the dawn...in my sleepless hours you find me, tremulous and waning like the starlight. For I am a lost man who wanders bright and dark, all for the fleeting glimpse of you...all for the touch of your mouth on mine. 

Bonus baby headcanon!

[iitsdiane]

TO LORDJAN AND RANDY

To Lord Jan and Randy:

 The year is almost ending and I have the drive to write this message to both of you and as I am scribbling words to compose this one, all I am feeling is how much I love you both. I know, I know this sound real corny but I cannot unhide the truth. So what I’ll be writing are random things I can think of when it comes to our friendship. How it started in my perspective and how I foresee it in the incoming years.

Disclaimer: there might me grammatical glitches but I do care less of these things because I am more of semantic-oriented-type-of-person.

 HOW IT ALL STARTED

 May of 2016 I received a phone call to revisit my Alma Matter this time, I am no longer a student craving for wisdom and knowledge but I am now a teacher, still craving, but my craving is a little more different. I am craving to share what I have in my little heart to my future learners. I have a storm of emotions that time. Anxious. If that’s the word that can describe the tsunami waves in my stomach and the irregular beating of my heart not to mention how cold my hands and feet were, if anxiety is inappropriate then I cannot find the most fitting word thereof. Nevertheless, I feel a slight comfort upon seeing a familiar face. Randy, he’s a schoolmate known for his charisma and outmost personality. Well I’ve heard rumours because I haven’t gotten any chance to have a close encounter with this famous one. I mean, he knows me, by name and I forgot to mention that he knows almost everyone in our school. Yep, a total walking human directory, he’s not creepy and he’s not weird either. I considered that as a talent, or more of a gift. So I am glad that I have someone to talk to in this new chapter of my life as a teacher. I offered my most decent smile and he smiled back with his bright red pair of braces. As expected, Mr. Congeniality started the conversation by asking random questions that made the time passed by unexpectedly. Then we both decided to visit our future office, the College of Arts and Sciences to secure a place *He was assigned as SHS faculty while I am assigned as a college instructor respectively, different departments but the same office we didn’t have a hard time looking for a place though because I am with the most good talker of all time. He has friends everywhere, even our previous instructors are his “mommy’s and mama’s” so meaning to say, I am in good hands. It didn’t last an hour when we finally had our area. I considered myself blessed that time. Then outside, we met Lord Jan one of my classmates in the college of education. He’s known for his wit and outgoing personality. Although we were classmates in most of our subjects, we are not that “friends” because he is with gayrls, a group of gay and women with gay personality. They are mostly loud and adventurous kind of individual while I, on the other hand had the most prim-and-proper-to-boring kind of college life. My usual route is home-library-school. No diversions no detour just the usual original route. I do not feel bitter though because man, if I was exposed to some other roads in life, I cannot promise to graduate on time. Basically, I know how smart this man is. He is somewhat lazy in paper works but he is at his best when giving lectures and anything that uses mouth as a mechanism in working. I feel more than happy knowing that he too, applied for a teaching position in the same institution and then we both learned that he is in the same department as I was. Deep inside, I somehow have the clue already that my life ahead is one helluva life with them.

 NEW BEGINNINGS

School year 2016-2017 opened. I am pretty sure that I am excited to become the best English college instructor I could be but that didn’t last too long as I am transferred to the SHS department, Lord Jan and I. I am thrilled. Amidst this greatest twist, the CAS and SHS department decided to have an acquaintance party since we occupy the same office. The venue was in a beach. To be honest, I was the typical home girl person but because our presence was necessary I am obliged to come. Lucky enough, randy lives nearby we decided to go together. To my surprise, he asked me to change the shorts that I am wearing to the shorts that he brought because the concept was to have matching shorts. *Now I find this part a little corny, I mean are matching outfits still in? but I do not want to disappoint an innocent soul-so I thought I obediently followed his orders and wore that neon pink shorts of his. He had this wide opened smile showing his teeth wide open as a sign of contentment. When we arrived at the venue, he mechanically looked for Lord Jan and asked him to do the same. To wear the magic neon pink shorts as a sign of our friendship. Lord Jan is a “yes man” person he’s never a kill joy so yep LDR (Lord Jan, Diane, Randy) was born. We cheated *Yes read it right, CHEATED with a capital letter C to be in the same group together and to cut this quite tasking story, we won. We won wearing the matchy outfit and since then, we wear the sort-of-the-same outfits in most occasions.

THREE YEARS AND COUNTING

Since that friendship started, we conquered each other’s lives and secrets and souls and everything of the same concept. I’ve witnessed them grow literally and figuratively, from their vulnerability and strength, being drunk and being almost naked, their entire being, their totality and I love them even more upon seeing how similar and how different we are. They helped me become this person I am now. They contributed to my growth and changes.

To Randy. I called you chaks because I am so good in inventing names to the ones I love. I am even surprise why other people know the word “chaks” shortcut for chaka, such imitators with lack of creativity and imagination-poor souls. We had our first few arguments during one of your badminton tournaments in Gusa where we had a miscommunication about going or not going. Well, I apologized and so did you. I missed those golden days where we are so formal with each other. Those days when you still manage to find positive adjectives in your dictionary to somehow compliment me. Those days when you still respect my womanhood. Those days when you treat me normally. But yeah, I’ve outgrown that feeling because I know that I am not normal to you anymore. I am no longer a friend. I am more than that. I am your liaison agent, nurse, secretary, professional assistant in all forms may it be school, household and whatnot, and anyone. I enjoyed doing it because I know that I am helping. I live by the words of Xavier University, and that is to become the woman of others. IRO! Seriously, I am happy to become part of your life and your room. Stop being grumpy for no reason because I am not a fortune teller to guess what made you upset. Remember that you can always talk to me about literally anything and always bear in mind that as long as I live, I will forever remember how distorted this friendship is. I love you.

To Lord Jan. I decided to call you Yong2 because in our college life, I’ve known you for your LJ side and I want more than that side. I want to know you even better and deeper, what amazes me is that, you let me. You let me in to your life and it marvels me how big your heart is for all the people that surround you. You are never hesitant to share anything that you have in order to help. You even consume your own peace of mind for others. People might misunderstand you because of your intimidating look but once they know the real you, they will realize that inside a dragon mask is a dragon queen full of understanding and love to whoever ask for your help but is also willing to spit fire when called by circumstances. Thank you for letting me realize that I cannot manage a one on one duel with you in drinking MP, thank you for taking care of me when I tested my limits in drinking you know what lastly, thank you for helping me build my patience every time we wait for you. I am here for you always, remember that. I love you.

To Both of you, I am always here whenever you need me or even if you don’t like my presence. I’ll show up whenever I like. This love I have for both of you is already rooted in my heart. So let’s explore the world together and raise our middle finger to people who dislike us because they can’t be us. Most importantly, let us always do well and follow what is right no matter how hard it may seem.

 With love,

DIANExx

[hiddlesgirl]

SH 313: Beati Bellicosi

Before we get into this review I just want to say that I am always honest when writing these, when I don’t like something I will always say it and explain why. I am stating this because there are several moments, scenes and content that I did not enjoy in this episode; and I will explain each one.

While I was a little disappointed and underwhelmed with this episode, there were several scenes and story points that I really liked. I really loved Izzy’s scene with Magnus, and her scenes with Alec; her storyline with the Clave looks to be like an interesting one. I enjoyed the Luke and Maryse scenes; and although it was sad I really liked the Simon and Maia scene, it was a very sweet, heartfelt and mature scene.

The first scene is one with Jordan and Heidi, I did not particularly care for any of the Heidi scenes in the episode (I will explain why as we get to each scene) but I can kinda understand where they are trying to go with the story. In this scene I find it a bit weird that a baby vampire can not only throw a dagger with pinpoint precision but that she escapes from what 4, 5 wolves? It seems pretty advanced for someone who has only been a vampire for a month tops, and the majority of that time she spent locked up and sedated.

I mentioned in my last review that I didn’t particularly like Simon biting Izzy (as to why is explained there) but I am glad that they aren’t just forgetting it or sweeping it under the carpet, they are showing that it has had an effect on her. I love Izzy so much because she will do anything for those she cares about including endangering herself; she also doesn’t want Simon to feel guilty because it was her choice to let him bite her which is why she makes the ‘drained’ joke. She knows that he will be beating himself up for triggering her addiction, especially because he knows how difficult addiction is as his mother suffers from it.

I love Simon because he immediately offers to leave if he is a temptation for her cravings; he knows that it is easier to recover if all triggers are removed and that for Izzy he is a potential trigger. He is so terrified of hurting people, and feels guilty enough for biting her, that he does not want to be the reason why she regresses and is willing to do whatever it takes to prevent that from happening.

I feel bitter and a bit cheated that we did not get to see a reunion between Luke and Clary, he is her father and if it weren’t for Luke they never would have suspected that she was alive. I really wanted that father daughter reunion, especially because they haven’t really had any moments like that in a while that was just about their bond and not other situations or problems. Also, I was so unhappy that we did not see her reunion with Magnus; they released promo pictures of their reunion so we were expecting it. Yes, I know that they are taken while filming and in the time since they were taken the episodes have been edited, but I just wish that the promo pictures were looked over before being released and that any from deleted scenes are removed and not released. All we saw of their reunion was them standing with each other in the wide shot when we hear Simon’s voice, very disappointing.

But I did really like Clary’s reunions with Simon and Izzy, to see the relief and joy on all three of their faces at being together again was so wonderful. For Simon doubly so, because not only does he have his best friend back but he has the reassurance of knowing that he didn’t kill her in the first place. My eyes misted up a bit at Simon’s line ‘That’s what family’s for Fray’; they all love and care about each other so much.

I know that some people thought that Magnus hitting the keyboard trying to get the computer to work was a sign that he was not competent with technology, but if you look at the screen he has already drawn the ley lines onto a map so to me it seems like the map crashed which is why he was getting frustrated with it.

I love that Izzy decides to go to Magnus for help, although it is mostly because she thinks he will have the root she needs it also shows that she trusts him. She knew that he would offer support and help, which he does. He knows how much courage it took her to not only allow herself to be bitten but to come to him afterwards. Unfortunately he doesn’t have the root and she shoots down his offer to ask another warlock, I’m not sure why she declines this; is it just because she doesn’t want to cause him any trouble or is it because she doesn’t want anyone else knowing about her addiction (which would be understandable because it is a very private issue)?

I do absolutely hate how Magnus’ face falls though because it is written all over his face how utterly useless he feels at not being able to help her, it is just another little slight reminding him how powerless he is now. Although Izzy did not mean it that way at all, it is just another reminder to Magnus that he can’t be as helpful or useful to those around him without his magic and that cuts him to the bone. With the Iris situation and all these small reminders it is no wonder he goes looking for a way to get his magic back; magic is part of his identity and to be without it is like losing a limb, he doesn’t really know how to function anymore.

We learn that in the stead of Luke leaving Russell has once again taken up the mantle of pack Alpha, what I don’t really understand is why Luke didn’t put someone in charge before he left. He knew how badly Russell wants to be Alpha and how terribly he behaves as one, so why would he not appoint someone or at least facilitate something so that Russell couldn’t just take over.

Maia has always shown great leadership skill and always has the best interests of the pack at heart; she knows that Russell is being completely unreasonable and that his power grab is not healthy for the pack. I am very excited to see her step into the Alpha mantle.

Simon wants to help Jordan apprehend Heidi because he feels responsible for her as her sire, even though his part in her turning was completely unintentional. He knows how much harm she has caused to him, his family and innocent mundanes; she cannot be allowed to stay in society as she is because not only is she a danger to mundanes but she is a danger to the secrecy of the entire Shadow World.

Jace wants Clary to take a moment to relax and take a break from her desperate search to learn all she can about the twinning rune; not only is he scared of her burning out but he wants to be able to have a quiet moment with her now. He thought he would never see her again and now that she is in front of him he wants to make the most of every moment, and to have time away from the crisis that is Jonathan to just be them.

Clary understands Jace but she feels that she can’t rest until she severs her link with Jonathan, he feels like a constant shadow hanging over her. That she is never going to be able to enjoy her life while she is connected to him because he is always going to be there in the background tainting all these little moments.

We find out that Magnus has told Alec about Izzy’s slight relapse and cravings because he is offering her candy which we have never seen him touch before. I really like this moment because we know that Magnus was honest with Alec and knew that this was too important to keep from him; after everything that happened the first time he cannot keep any information about her addiction from him again (even though the first time he really did not know what was happening until that last moment). It also shows the growth in their relationship; plus, Magnus knows that Izzy is going to need Alec’s support but that she probably isn’t going to ask for it herself.

Also, Izzy doesn’t get mad at Magnus for telling Alec; she knows how important honesty is in their relationship and that she couldn’t expect Magnus to keep something that important from Alec. She knows that Alec means well and just wants to help her, she just feel vulnerable because she doesn’t want to be seen as weak. I adore Alec’s line ‘I wish I was a strong as you on your weakest day’, to him she has always been the strongest person he knows and seeing her recover from her addiction only solidified that. He loves and admires her so much and he cannot bear to let her think that of herself.

You can see Izzy’s fear when she tells him that her addiction is never going to go away and that it will be a shadow hanging over her for the rest of her life; she hates that the temptation may always be there and hates the feeling of not being in control. Alec tells her that he has been researching the groups that she goes to; this shows just how much he wants to understand and help her, he wants to have as much information as possible to know how best he can help her through it. He wants her to know that he is going to fight it with her, she doesn’t have to do it alone and that she has people who care about her who will be there to support her every step of the way. Best big brother in the world. I’m not crying, I just have something in my eye.

Heidi encantos this woman she knew from school, again this seems way too advanced for her. We saw in Season 2A how difficult it is to master an encanto and it took Simon several tries to be able to accomplish it, so how the hell can Heidi successfully encanto a mundane off the bat? Surely Raphael wasn’t teaching her that.

I really enjoy seeing Maryse and Luke reconnecting because they are several things in common; they have both been exiled from the Shadowhunter community, lost their purpose in life and in the process of finding a new one, have relearned their opinions of each other, have both lost the person they thought they would spend the rest of their lives with (albeit in very different ways) and their sole focus in life is their children.

Maia goes to Luke for help with Russell because she doesn’t know what else to do, she doesn’t feel confident enough to stand up to him herself but something has to be done before he destroys the pack. She is surprised and confused when Luke says that she is the Alpha the pack needs, she has never seen herself taking on that role and doesn’t know how to be a leader. She feels like her own life is a mess, so how is she supposed to help others.

I liked this scene because Luke was showing his confidence in Maia and her abilities, even if she might not see it in herself; but I do feel like it ended quite dismissively when he said ‘you’ll figure it out’ and walked off. It just felt strange because we know how deep their bond runs that he would just completely leave her to her own devices, I know that he wants her to gain confidence and make her own path, but with her inexperience and their relationship I personally think that he should have said something along the lines of ‘I’ll be here if you need advice’ before walking away, giving her that reassurance that he is still there for her and that he can be there if she needs a little guidance.

I was so confused by this next scene, when the woman tells Jordan that she overheard Heidi’s conversation and her location why the hell did they not check for encanto immediately. I know that they are probably underestimating her because she is a young vampire, but they are the Praetor. Surely they have dealt with enough vampires that checking for encanto should be one of the first things they do with a mundane victim.

Plus, why would he not let Simon go with him? Why on Earth did he not let a vampire go with him to visit a clan of vampires to discuss another freaking vampire? Especially because Simon is a Daylighter who is respected or a little bit feared by the vampires, Simon is also very level headed so could prevent the situation from getting out of hand.

Of course the Praetor going to the Du Mort goes absolutely terribly, Jordan goes in completely hot headed and even pushes around the Head of the Clan. He completely lets his emotions and anger control him which he should not be doing as a member of the Praetor. It is just completely stupid and ridiculous that Jordan goes in and accuses the Head of the Clan on the word of mundane, especially knowing how tenuous the peace between vampires and werewolves is at the best of times.

I know that the Simon and Maia break up wasn’t well received by some and I am sad to see their relationship end too because I absolutely loved their bond, but I think that it was handled very well. In 311 you could sense the distance between them and the lack of intimacy not only physically but in the scene itself, something had definitely shifted in their relationship and that happens sometimes for no reason at all.

Maia clearly still has feelings for Simon but she has made the decision that the pack comes first especially because she wants to have a bigger role, she knows that it will need her full attention and commitment. That would force her relationship to take a back seat and her partner would come second to the pack; she doesn’t want that for Simon, she cares about him so much and sees so much good in him that he doesn’t deserve to come second. She wants him to have someone who can love him entirely and will be able to put him first, and she knows that she can’t do that right now or for the foreseeable future. She knows that the kindest thing for both of them is to let go now before they start hurting each other which would be inevitable if their relationship continued as Maia goes forward in becoming Alpha.

Simon understands her decision, he knows how important her pack is to her and doesn’t want to stand in her way; he can see the potential in her to be an amazing Alpha and doesn’t want to be selfish in holding her back from that. He knows that they have both felt this shift in their relationship too, so much has happened and changed over the course of their relationship that they have changed a little as people which has changed their relationship. They both feel that distance and that the spark has faded. It is a very mature conversation and decision on both of their parts to mutually agree to let go now and move back into friendship before they can hurt each other.

I really don’t understand how Heidi is able to completely manipulate and hoodwink everyone she comes across, and why is the Head of the Clan allowing a baby vampire to dictate his moves and push him into violent retaliation. It seems a bit like lazy writing to have this month old vampire have all these skills and cunning to move all these players into doing her bidding, I know that there is probably a bigger storyline they are heading up to (maybe the return of Raphael) but giving her all this influence is just ridiculous as a viewer.

Maruke is real! Luke and Maryse share a steamy kiss, Maryse showing that Alec gets his boldness from his mother as she moves in for a second kiss similarly to Alec in 112. They part quickly with Maryse seemingly embarrassed before she rushes off with a parting smile, it seemed very abrupt but it is probably the first time she has kissed anyone who is not Robert in a very long time.

I know that some think that they are moving too fast, and I slightly agree, but with a show like this the story moves so quickly that the emotional side has to move quickly along with it or it would be devoid of meaningful, emotional connections. The entire timeline of the show from Season 1 to now is about 4-5 months which is absolutely ridiculous, really you just have to forget about the timeline and enjoy.

I am very confused at the complete turnaround Clary has in attitude towards the twinning rune, only a few hours ago she was threatening to cut it out of her flesh and now she just wants to forget it’s their and enjoy the moment. I understand the journey and wanting to get her to this point but I think that her lines earlier were much too dramatic to have such a quick turnabout, if her lines in earlier scenes were a bit less severe then it would have made a little more sense.

I like the sweet Clace moment of them telling each other ‘I love you’ because they haven’t has many opportunities to have moments like this in a very long time, they keep getting separated. I also really like Jace’s line about loving in until he dies and in the next life, I think it’s from the books; but it really helps give you a sense of how deeps his feelings for her go.

Okay, the sex scene, oh boy. Don’t misunderstand me, I am happy they got one because let’s be honest it’s over due and I am happy for their development as a couple in taking that next step. But, I didn’t like how it was shot; it felt like too much and became uncomfortable to watch. First of all they jumped straight from gentle kissing to being naked which I felt was too quick for it being their first time, it would have been more intimate if they had shown them kissing while Clary was removing Jace’s shirt and then moving to being naked. You missed out on the newness to this sort of intimacy by jumping straight to being naked.

I felt that the kisses were shot too close to their faces, it would have looked much better if they had been a bit further away so that their entire heads were in the shot instead of just getting an entire frame of their interlocked lips.

And the lighting, holy fuck did I have an issue with the lighting which I know a hell of a lot of people did. The room was lit with just freaking candles but you could see everything. It was lit up so freaking well and that got me a little (okay a lot) mad because the majority of Malec scenes, especially the more intimate ones, you can barely see their fucking faces never mind their lips (I am sorry for all the swearing but I just get so riled up).

It is showing a complete double standard, that all of Clace’s kisses and even there sex scene is lit up like a freaking Christmas tree when the only Malec kisses that I can think of that were lit well was their first kiss, the one after their date in 206 and the one after their first ‘I love yous’ in 210. Three fucking kisses out of the many (I am too mad to have a think and count them all) they have had; their first time was lit ok but nowhere near Clace’s and Malec had the fucking lights on, even the training scene kisses were in darkness.

It may not seem like a lot to some people but it is such a kick in the teeth to all the LGBTQ+ viewers who look to Malec for healthy representation, don’t get me wrong I love Malec and their relationship. They have amazing representation, Harry and Matt are amazing, and I would not change a thing about the content of any of the Malec scenes because I love them the way they are. The issue is that the same sex kisses and sex scenes are shrouded in shadows and you can barely see their faces sometimes, yet the heterosexual couples are lit up so much you can see every strand of stubble and eyelash. It is not showing them equally because it feels that the same sex couple’s intimate moments are being hidden when the hetero couple gets put in the spotlight (literally).

I honestly do not intend to offend anyone and I do genuinely like Clace, it just makes me so frustrated that their intimate scenes get treated so differently especially when Malec is such a great healthy couple and representation.

We learn that the words the Clave guard muttered before he died means ‘Heavenly Fire’ which is a secret Clave program that very few people know about. Maryse tells Alec and Izzy to stay away from this and to drop their investigation, she is terrified of them being hurt or killed because they asked too many questions, especially because she can do absolutely nothing to help them now. She has no position in the society anymore, never mind within the Clave; if they get into trouble she can do nothing but watch, which would kill her.

Despite their mother’s warnings and worry there is no way that Izzy and Alec are going to let this drop, they have too strong a moral compass to let it be. They will not stand by while Downworlders are being tortured by the Clave, especially when they both have such strong connections to Downworlders. They cannot stand by while they know injustices are being carried out by the people that are supposed to lead them.

Clace is cuddling in bed which is cute (I need Malec bed cuddles okay, especially because we saw that Alec loves cuddles and was refused them in the last episode) but to me it looked like Clary was laid in a very unnatural position. I know that Kat was getting ready to sit up but surely there was a better way to lie that would have looked more natural. Jonathan goes Harry Potter and carves out ‘I miss you’ into his own arm so that Clary sees it, has he never heard of texting? No joke though, it was creepy as hell.

Jordan appears at the Jade Wolf to say goodbye to Maia, I am a little confused as to why Maia looks happy to see him and sad to learn that he is leaving. With everything that has happened between them it seems really strange, I thought that she might be a little less hostile with him but would still keep a distance; it just seems like a complete attitude change. I know she learned the truth about his behaviour but that doesn’t change what he did.

Also, he’s here telling Maia that he lost control and Heidi played him; why the hell has he not gone back to the Du Mort to apologise to the Clan leader? He knows he was in the wrong and that he acted inappropriately, I don’t understand why he hasn’t gone to apologise and explain Heidi’s actions that led to what happened.

Once again Heidi is manipulating Griff into doing what she wants, goading him and his clan into attacking the Jade Wolf while she stays out of the way. Again, it seems completely weird that she is able to persuade a clan leader into doing something he knows is reckless and will lead to all out war with the wolves, he knows that it isn’t a smart decision and he lets himself be led into it anyway. This whole storyline has just been a jumble of confusion and ridiculousness because a baby vamp should not have been able to do all this.

I make no qualms about saying I don’t like Jordan okay, Chai is a great actor, but I really dislike Jordan. Even after Maia let him say his piece in 3A he still persisted in trying to talk to her after she told him to leave her alone, he wouldn’t respect her wished even then. And now he is giving her this speech which seems a little self pitying to me saying that he is of no use to anyone and that there’s no reason to stay in New York. Plus, I don’t like that after he attacked her those years ago he didn’t seek help for his anger issues which he is clearly still dealing with; that even after the way he treated her and knowing he has control issues he still didn’t seek help.

I love seeing Maia being an absolutely badass taking out the vampire who was going to attack her, but I thought they would have been a little more prepared to put up more of a fight with the big speech Russell gave earlier in the episode. I also felt a little cheated in that we didn’t get to see Maia challenge Russell and earn the position of Alpha, instead now she is going to become Alpha in the wake of a massacre that killed the previous Alpha. I wanted to see her be confident enough to fight for it and win it from Russell because the pack had faith in her to lead them.

I understand that Maia wanted to hide somewhere secure because Jordan was hurt but I didn’t like that she locked them in the same room Luke locked her in during 209,210? We saw how drastically she reacted then and it just felt uncharacteristic for her to put herself in that situation again, even though I know it was because she is trying to protect someone else and in that instance she puts her own comfort second. But surely they could have found another storage room or gone out the back door and hid in a storage container instead? Maybe I’m just nitpicking.

Okay, that’s it for this episode, I know I did a lot of criticizing but as I said I have to be honest and this is just what I felt. I still enjoyed several aspects of the episode, but I hope that the rest of the episodes are a bit tidier and more polished.

As always, if you want to talk about anything I have (or haven’t) written about in my reviews my ask box is open and I welcome discussion.

In 314, Magnus goes to desperate measures to regain some magic, Maia is freaking out in the storage room and Clace go on a date. I heard that we’re also getting protective Alec, who’s ready?!

[feyreofthewildfire]

We’ll Go Together - Chapter 1

After long debate with myself, I’ve decided to post We’ll Go Together on here. There’s already of a snippet of the first chapter buried under all my queued posts with a link to the Ao3 copy. 

Without further ado, please do enjoy this fanfic. It means a lot.

Perhaps he is a death god, as the humans say.

Clouds of black billow behind him as he walks, tailored finery covering him—and concealing the leathers, the swords, the wings lost in another time, another place that is now nothing more but a distant memory. Armor, disguised as a weapon.

A diadem of black raven’s feathers adorns his head, one that has never come off, nor will it ever. Callouses of his upbringing have been washed away by magic into smooth, pristine hands that have never seen battle. The only thing he has left is a ring on a chain and the twinkling laugh of someone he knew he must have loved, if the warm feeling that spreads through him is to be believed.

He does not know his name. It faded away with the rest of him long ago.

He spends his nights wandering the world, a myth told by parents to scare their children into bed before He, no better than the boogeyman, comes to take them away in the soft lit moonlight.

Time is not a medium, wherever he is. It simply does not exist.

So he wanders.

He does not know what he is looking for, he does not know who put him here, or why they did, or how he can get home.

He learns that the clouds of black answer to him, that they will do whatever he commands no matter how absurd his request may be. They become his sole companions, the only constant presence beside him in this purgatory.

On the worst nights, he turns them into stars above him and wishes.

When the sun begins to rise, he knows his time is up. He will be someplace else after the sun sets on the horizon.

He has never ended up at the same place twice.

She is lovely.

It’s his first thought when he sees her.

Her golden brown hair is splayed across the sheets as she sleeps, looking almost red in the moonlight filtering through her half-shut blinds. Even breaths escape her as long lashes brush against her pale skin.

His eyes memorize the curve of her nose, the smallest smattering of freckles. The furrow in her brows seems permanently set in, as if even in sleep she cannot escape the worries of whatever life she leads.

He cannot bear to lower his eyes from her face, to study the rest of her. He is enthralled. Some part of him beats for her. He does not know what it says, the mantra it repeats, only that is for her, and her only.

When the sun rises and he is still there, he doesn’t notice until she wakes. Her eyes flutter open and she continues to lie in bed, picking up the phone beside her and mindlessly scrolling through it.

He has seen so many of these devices, and yet they’re unfamiliar to him. He knows they’re a way of communication. He’s seen many humans talk to one another on them, and yet they seem unnatural, strange.

He can only silently watch as she throws off the duvet and stands, but not before turning on music. He can hear the soft plucking of strings and an equally soft, hypnotizing voice, but it is all unfamiliar to him. He’s not surprised. Very little of this world has ever been familiar to him.

He averts his eyes as she changes, something he’s never bothered with before. Bodies were bodies, and he found that humans did not treat theirs with the respect he believed in.

And, yet, some part of him didn’t think his own body deserved the same respect.

He shakes his head, attention brought back to the girl as she exits the room, though leaving the door open behind her. He quickly follows her, a cascade of stars and dark sky trailing behind him.

He almost crashes into her as she suddenly stops, turning her head and staring straight at him. A curious, perplexed expression crosses her face, setting off bells in his head. She only shakes her head and murmurs to herself before entering the room they’d stopped in front of.

He is surrounded by paintings. Beautiful, mesmerizing paintings.

His feet glide to the closest one, a hand reaching out to trace the colors. It’s a beautiful waterfront, a river surrounded by brightly lit lanterns and lively buildings. Silhouettes of people fill the negative space, leaving him with an ache in his chest he doesn’t recognize. He moves on.

This time the painting is of two males, covered head to toe in black leather—armor—that strikes the same nostalgic chord within him. Stones of deep color are set in the armor on the backs of their hands. The one with the red stones grins, long hair loose and brushing his shoulders. The one with the blue stones bears a stoic look on his face, but something about him seems relaxed, at ease. Great, membranous wings spread from their backs.

Something within him changes, a new pain echoing in his head. He hisses and raises a hand to his temples, eyes closing. Images flash under his lids: the man with the long hair sparring with him, a blonde woman laughing loudly, the man with the blue stones unsheathing a short knife, a woman with sharply cut black hair accepting a ornate piece of jewelry.

And finally… the woman in front of him. Images of her laughing, of her dancing beside him, of lying in bed together, of the arch of her body beneath his. His arm wrapped around her as they healed the tear in the fabric their world, the last of his power sliding away from him as he collapses.

His eyes fly open, swiveling back to where she sits, oblivious and unknowing, mixing various shades of greys and purples on her palette. Every part of him wants to go to her, to reach for her and beg for her to recognize him. He wonders, yet again, if he is even real, if this reality around him is nothing more than a dream he’ll wake up from soon. He wants it to be. He wants to recognize the world that flashed behind his eyes.

And then he sees the painting she’s working on. It’s incomplete, the shading rudimentary, but it’s enough.

It’s him.

He recognises the bright violet of his eyes, the black diadem set in his hair. He recognizes the tattoos peaking out from the collar of the shirt he wears. He recognizes the finery, the upturned collar of his jacket, the silver and gold embroidery of the sleeves, the long boots on his feet.

He doesn’t recognize the wings. He doesn’t recognize the smirk.

His feet fall beneath him, forcing him to stumble back. The grace he’s always carried himself with disappears, the sudden mantra he felt for her becoming clear.

Mine.

Mine.

Mine.

Mine.

He wants to drag her into his arms and never let go. He wants to feel her bare skin beneath his palms. He wants to lace his hands through the ones that delicate paint his features. He wants to bury his hands in her hair and lose himself in her. He wants her to be his. He wants to be hers. He wants.

He stumbles towards the wall and instead of falling through it, he crashes into it. Hard. The canvas of a sinister red-haired woman on a throne falls to the ground, causing the girl’s head to dart towards him. But she doesn’t scream, she doesn’t attack, she doesn’t run.

“I’m going insane. I have to be going insane.” She whispers, blinking once, then again as if he’s just a hallucination and will disappear. “You’re not real.”

“I-I don’t know,” he murmurs, just as shocked as she is. “I’ve never done that.”

He finds himself reaching for her, his hand stretching out as if to cradle her face. His feet take a tentative step towards her as his mind, unwittingly, reaches out towards her. There’s a familiarity in her that he’s never known. A long, coiled part of him relaxes simply at the sight of her. It tenses again when she steps away from him.

Of course. He should’ve known she wouldn’t remember.

And then he contemplates whether those images are fake, conjured by his mind after spending so much time, and yet not any at all, alone. Some part of him craves companionship, and perhaps that part has fabricated all the memories he think he has. The thought leaves a gaping hole in him.

And yet, he still asks her. “Do you not remember…?” His words are hesitant, as though she is a fawn easily scared. The part of him that recognizes her tells him she is not. But this is not the woman he knows, the woman he’s fallen in love with. Perhaps she looks like her, but she’s different. They’re different. Some parts of them have been lost in time and between worlds, never to be recovered.

She scoffs, “I’ve been dreaming about you since I was nineteen.” She shakes her head, eyes moving away from him to focus on the canvas that lies facedown on the ground. “I thought it was the fumes from when I tried spray painting.”

“Starfall.” The word falls from his lips before he can stop it, or even knows what it means. “Do you remember Starfall?” He advances another step, now gazing over her, but she doesn’t seem intimidated by his looming figure—not even fazed.

Her eyes shut, “We were standing on an overlook. A couple of the stars hit us, and it was the first time I had smiled in months.” She speaks as if it wasn’t a dream but a memory, and the hope in him renews. But her eyes snap open, focusing on him with a new clarity that wasn’t there before. “I loved you.”

He settles. There’s no other word for it. He’s been used to coming and going, day by day without the luxury of growing attached or growing familiar. Every part of him braces for the sunrise, when he will inevitably be whisked away to never be seen there again. But this is seems stable, permanent. The sun has risen and he is still here. The sun has risen and his is with her, and he finds that’s all that matters. Not the fact that she uses the past tense, not the fact that there is still a disbelieving gleam in her eye. He is still here. He is with her.

“It’s coming back to me, but—” He sighs in frustration, “—but I still don’t remember most of it. I’m sorry.”

She lets out a slow exhale. “It’s okay. We’ll figure it out.”

“We?” He questions gently, unbelieving that she’s so willing to help him—a man that she only thought existed in her dreams, suddenly real and tangible.

Her eyes harden, a silent but fierce determination in them. He finds it painfully familiar. “I want to figure out what’s going on and what higher forces are playing with us, “ she hesitates, “and I want to remember what we used to be.”

“Then it’s a deal.”

Next Chapter

[straightnewsonlinecom]

‘Mahama has shown he is a walking, breathing, laughing insult’ – Elizabeth Ohene attacks

Veteran journalist, Elizabeth Akua Ohene, has once again launched an attack in the political space, this time on former president John Dramani Ohene for what she describes as his penchant for hurling abusive words at his opponents.

Her attack follows John Mahama’s recent endorsement of an article written by the Member of Parliament for Bolgatanga Central, Isaac Adongo, which categorized some relatives of President Akufo-Addo involved in the controversial Agyapa deal as the ‘Akyem Mafia and Sakawa Boys’.

While President Akufo-Addo expressed his disdain and disappointment, John Mahama who appeared unperturbed by the growing outrage insisted that he has endured worse treatments from his successor.

He said in an interaction with TV XYZ, “He [President Akufo-Addo] was an opposition leader who called Presidents before him anything you can imagine, including ‘Prof Do Little’ and then he described somebody as a ‘Simpa Panyin’ and I don’t want to repeat the others things he said…He’s the President who has called his critics naysayers and Jeremiahs.”

Countering this argument, Elizabeth Akua Ohene has described the former president as a sensitive man who can barely handle the rough course of the political terrain.

To her, the former president has over the years proven beyond doubt that he “knows how to insult without even trying.”

“Mr. Mahama has shown he is a walking, breathing, laughing insult,” she wrote in a recent article titled, ‘Finding best insults.’

The veteran journalist who seems to be on a spree to attack critics of the NPP government in an attempt to justify reactions from President Akufo-Addo sought to analyze the comments from John Mahama and some other abusive terms that have been employed by politicians in the previous years.

She concluded that terms like ‘Dr. Dolittle’ which was used by the NPP to describe the governance of the late President Mills; Naysayers and Jeremiahs, used by Akufo-Addo to describe critics in the NDC are not insults.

“Since President Mills is sadly no longer with us, one has to be careful and not say anything hurtful about him, but I don’t think a description of little activity during his presidency can be taken as an insult…” she wrote.

She added that “Maybe Mr. Mahama is a man of very sensitive disposition and cannot bear what is called the rough and tumble of politics and that is why he regards Dolittle, Naysayer, and Jeremiah as insults.”

“While he was President, Mr. Mahama used to provide the best copy for insults that could be used against him. If someone called Candidate Mahama a dead goat, that would be considered an insult. And if you are looking for an Akyem Sakawa correlation, you should hear Candidate Mahama: “when it comes to unleashing violence, no one can beat us to that”.

“…He said the Volta Region people had been specially targeted for military invasion. Earlier during the 2016 election, he had said ‘his northern brothers’ such as Bawumia had no future in the New Patriotic Party (NPP). He knows how to insult without even trying…”

Read her full article below;

Elizabeth Ohene writes: Finding best insults

I wrote an article for the BBC back in 2010 that I called Flying Insults. This is how I started that article: “This is a difficult subject for me. But there is so much bad language flying around in Ghana these days it is impossible to ignore the subject of insults. It is in the area of political and public discourse that things appear to be getting out of hand.”

I would crave your indulgence if I lift portions from that article as I try to write about insults in our political sphere today, 10 years later. As the French would say, plus ca change, plus c’est la meme chose.

The President had what I call a face to face moment with a delegation from the Catholic Bishops Conference as he urged them and everybody else who has been calling for a clean campaign devoid of insults to be specific and call out those who insult.

In other words, if Elizabeth Ohene insults Kwasi Anyomi Ohene, call her out and don’t say people should not insult.

President Nana Addo Akufo-Addo cited the example of the National Democratic Congress (NDC) flag bearer, former President John Mahama, endorsing a reference to Akyem Sakawa.

Mr Mahama has since then spoken on the subject and far from offering an apology for his choice of words, or hiding behind a claim of his words being misrepresented or taken out of context, he felt he was only matching President Akufo-Addo boot for boot in the area of insults.

According to Mr. Mahama, President Akufo-Addo long ago lost the right to complain about insults because he had insulted and regularly insults people. Mr. Mahama cited as evidence to back his claim that while in opposition, Akufo-Addo had called the then President Atta Mills Dr. Dolittle and since becoming President, he calls his opponents naysayers and Jeremiahs.

Closer look

Being something of an expert on insults, I have been taking a closer look at these insults. President Mills was called Dr. Dolittle. I start with the literal, obvious meaning of the word, Dolittle. So I break up the offending word; a President was being accused of doing little, he was not busy solving Ghana’s problems.

Since President Mills is sadly no longer with us, one has to be careful and not say anything hurtful about him, but I don’t think a description of little activity during his presidency can be taken as an insult.

In other words, it is like saying Elizabeth Ohene is 75 years old; it is not an insult.

Then it occurred to me that maybe Mr. Mahama was taking the literary reference of Dolittle in George Bernard Shaw’s play Pygmalion in which we have the characters of Eliza Dolittle and her father Alfred Dolittle.

Granted that this is a play that premiered in London in 1913, there isn’t much in there to get upset about the Dolittle father and daughter characters.

So, I moved to the more popular rendition of the play, in the film, My Fair Lady, based on Pygmalion. That was a beautiful musical and the Dolittle characters were charming. Calling someone after them would not constitute an insult.

It is like saying an article written last year which had no reactions will bring the house down when the same article is published today.

I later discovered there has been a Dr. Dolittle Family/Adventure film released in January 2020, but whatever happened in that film cannot be part of the present conversation.

Naysayers

President Akufo-Addo calls his critics Naysayers and Jeremiahs. According to the dictionary, a Naysayer is a person who criticizes, objects to, or opposes something.

The dictionary provides a sentence to illustrate the usage of the word: “He continues to win despite the many naysayers”.

Another example might be: The Free Senior High School (SHS) has been introduced and is working despite the many naysayers. Or the Electoral Commission (EC) compiled a new voters register despite the many naysayers. Can’t see any insult in there.

Akufo-Addo calls his critics Jeremiahs. Here are the meanings of Jeremiah in the dictionary: A major Hebrew prophet of the seventh and sixth centuries and I might add the first name of a former president of the country and a popular first name of many boys since then.

Another meaning says: a person who is pessimistic about the present and foresees a calamitous future. Every press conference held by the National Democratic Congress (NDC) in the past three and a half years will qualify to be adjudged as such. I thought this precisely was what Mr. Mahama had been saying. An insult?

Rough

Maybe Mr. Mahama is a man of a very sensitive disposition and cannot bear what is called the rough and tumble of politics and that is why he regards Dolittle, Naysayer, and Jeremiah as insults.

What about Mr. Mahama’s reaction to the President complaints? Akyem Sakawa. President Akufo-Addo is an Akyem. Elizabeth Ohene is an Ewe. There is no argument.

I go to Google to get this meaning of the word sakawa: a Ghanaian term for illegal practices that combine modern internet-based fraud with African traditionalist rituals. The rituals, which are mostly in the form of sacrifices, are intended to spiritually manipulate victims so that the scammer’s fraud is successful.

Flag bearer Mahama is happy to cite an ethnic group and bundle them up as people who perform illegal, Internet-based fraud? And these people combine the fraudulent practice with traditional rituals? And this will match Dolittle, boot for boot, to borrow his terminology? Or will Sakawa be on the same wavelength as Jeremiah?

While he was President, Mr. Mahama used to provide the best copy for insults that could be used against him. If someone called Candidate Mahama a dead goat, that would be considered an insult. And if you are looking for an Akyem Sakawa correlation, you should hear Candidate Mahama: “when it comes to unleashing violence, no one can beat us to that”.

And here was Candidate Mahama in the Volta Region during the voter registration exercise. He said the Volta Region people had been specially targeted for military invasion. Earlier during the 2016 election, he had said ‘his northern brothers’ such as Bawumia had no future in the New Patriotic Party (NPP). He knows how to insult without even trying.

Mr. Mahama has shown he is a walking, breathing, laughing insult.

The writer,Elizabeth Akua Ohene, for the avoidance of all doubts and just in case there is anybody out there who is unaware, is a card-carrying member of the NPP. She is a founder member of the party and served as a Minister of State in the John Kufuor Administration and is currently the Chairman of the Disciplinary Committee of the NPP.

  Source

The post ‘Mahama has shown he is a walking, breathing, laughing insult’ – Elizabeth Ohene attacks appeared first on Straightnewsonline.com.

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[leirsulien-archive]

back on the ava and liv brainrot so fucking soft about these idiots

i'm not asking you to run ahead / could you try to take a single step / how can we move forward when / you're halfway out the door

so you've made mistakes, you have regrets / i don't need you to be perfect / just promise you'll be honest / i promise that it's worth the risk

but I can't make you love me even if i try / i'm not gonna force you / you have to decide / i'm asking you to trust me / when i say that I'm not here for the moment / i'm in this for life / yes i know, i know you've been hurt before / and life will lay you low, oh, of that i'm sure / but just say the word baby, and i'm yours

[leirsulien-archive]

For the delightful Aliv: 3, 5, 7, 8.

3. what do you think drew your detective to A? did they use flirt options with that first gaze in the detective’s office, or did their attraction come later?

answered here

5. saying that A has the carnival picture, how do you think your detective will react once they find out they have it?

ECSTATIC. and so soft, especially if she saw the creases in it that showed how many times ava must've looked at it (that might have her a bit flustered) like she'd be so giddy she might actually forget to tease ava about it

7. what does your detective think of the glimpse into A’s past in the house of mirrors and their “guilty” judgment?

she's very worried about her afterwards. she wished that she would just talk to her about it or at least someone!! she had hoped she would maybe talk to nat instead of pretending that she would just act like nothing happened. it also made her realize that ava probably has a lot of baggage that holds her back ( i mean she guessed that before from how closed off she is and considering that anyone who lived for that long must have at least some) but it's different to actually see part of it. so in a way she's glad about the experience (not that it happened obviously but that she was there) cause it made her understand a little better, now if only she would open up about it on her own terms. also after learning more about how the maa-alused judge people she's very much certain that ava feels more guilty about whatever happened there than she should

but then there's also the noisy detective side of her who desperately wants to know what happened especially after sniffing around in her past in b3 (she tried very hard not to but in the end curiosity won). she's itching to ask her a million questions about her past, her life, everything she experienced but for now she manages to keep that in check bc she knows that they'll only make ava close off even more and that she probably wont answer them anyways

8. if the detective and A’s first kiss is full of denial afterwards, how would your detective react?

also answered here

WAYHAVEN ROUTE QUESTIONS

[leirsulien-archive]

Hiii! 3, 6 and 8 for Ava and Liv pls? 😁

hiii thank you!!!

3. what do you think drew your detective to A? did they use flirt options with that first gaze in the detective’s office, or did their attraction come later?

liv is definitely attracted to her from the start (right until she opens her mouth, jk...partly) like the broad shoulders and brooding and the intense gaze definitely do it for her <3 and yes she does flirt with her pretty much right away bc she's impulsive and cannot help herself and she's just too curious to see how ava would react. actual romantic attraction came a little bit slower but one thing that definitely draws her in right from the start is that calm security she gives off, like despite her being such an ass to her she immediately feels very safe around her. she also quickly comes to really admire how determined she is despite it often being quite annoying (if only she wasnt so determined to deny her feelings). and she finds it really sweet how protective she gets and how much she obviously cares about her team. basically she was pretty into her right away though avas asshole behavior dampened that a tiny little bit (but not for long obviously)

6. if your detective heard sanja’s prophecy for A, how would they feel about it?

if she like overheard the whole conversation she'd probably be too busy thinking about ava asking "and if i should fall for her?" for her to think too much about the actual prophecy at first. also the things sanja says about her being afraid and standing on cliffs edge and seeing a light in the dark would have her heart aching and she would very much have to fight the urge to suffocate ava in a hug.

as for the prophecy itself, she might be a little concerned about that "oncoming darkness" (before finding out about the supernatural she wouldve thought of fortune telling as a fun but mostly made up thing but now she'd believe bc with all the stuff that actually exists why shouldnt fortune telling be one of them?) though she wouldn't believe that it could "swallow them both" but that together they could take on whatever this darkness may be

8. if the detective and A’s first kiss is full of denial afterwards, how would your detective react?

oofff i always say something like this would be one of the most painful ways their route could go. like ava not being ready to admit her feelings yet is one thing, its ok if she needs time. but if she were to kiss her or confess her feelings and then take it back....OUCH like this would truly destroy liv's hope, she would also think of herself as such a fool for actually thinking that this might mean ava would finally have accepted her feelings. like again she can mostly forgive the back and forth that is currently going on bc obviously ava isnt ready and has been through some stuff, but playing with her feelings like that.... i think this might get liv to be like either you're honest about things or leave me be bc i cannot do this anymore. if she could actually manage to speak to ava. i think she would try to avoid her as best as she could for a good while + would not be able to look her in the eye without bursting into tears...

.....kinda really hope this happens ngl

WAYHAVEN ROUTE QUESTIONS

[leirsulien-archive]

Do I daydream about ava and liv living in a cottage with 500 cats and 200 cows and sheep, about them braiding eachothers hair while calling eachother 'my love', about them baking bread together and liv painting ava in a field of flowers?

Yes.

Do I also daydream about putting them through hell, heartbreak, injury and near death scenarios?

Yes.

It's called balance.

[leirsulien-archive]

kinda gay to know how to braid hair 🤨 like what do you need that skill for? TO BRAID ANOTHER WOMANS HAIR?

[leirsulien-archive]

i am once again thinking about ava and liv doing domestic shit