#shb urianger was in il mheg for like 30 minutes alone with his thoughts and went 'oooohhhhh i love thaaancred that makes sense actually'

[minarcana]

Thancred smoothed a thumb side to side along the sheets of the bed in thought… it was more interesting that staring a hole into the wall waiting until his brain would let him sleep. He could hear Urianger reading behind him.

They’ve shared beds and makeshift sleeping places before in their youth… this felt different in so many ways.

He’d been pretending to sleep already when the Astrologian had come into the room, hoping that would ease the tension that had come with the offer of sharing the larger bed. Minfillia was given the “guest room” as her own, which was really just a space Urianger had been so thoughtful in putting together to give the girl privacy she has long been denied.

There was a couch in the main section of the cottage, but frankly the floor was more comfortable and Thancred would have continued to sleep on it until Urianger had caught him doing it the morning previous when the elezen had woken first by some curse of the twelve.

Now they were here.

Urianger attempting to read with the limited light of the room and Thancred pretending to sleep.

The Gunbreaker took a long inhale, and he could hear a page mid turn stall out behind him before Thancred rolled over and stared up at Urianger, already shaking his head as the other man opened his mouth to apologize for waking him.

“You didn’t—“ Thancred placated fingers streaming over the invisible line drawn down the bed, crossing the threshold to gently wrap a few fingers around Urianger’s wrist. He adjusted carefully, afraid if he moved too fast the man might just bolt, and moved both himself and Urianger a little so he could see the book too. “Light a candle… if you are to read, you may do so out loud.” Thancred reassured, a thumb smoothed against the soft inside of Urianger’s wrist as if he might still be able to feel the cool bands that rested there.

There was a long lull before Thancred spoke again with some shuffling for the Elezen to speak fire to the wick with care to read by.

“I adore your voice as I adore many things about you… surely you know this?” Thancred intoned, wondering what more he could do to share that swell of love and adoration that had sat in his chest for years for the other. “I wish you would not think yourself to blame so often,” Thancred wanted to reach out and smooth some of Urianger’s bangs back into their proper place, but he was feeling that urge to run he thought might be present in Urianger, wondering if it had been his own heart this time beating so fast in fear

Urianger had meant to set up sleeping arrangements for more than just Minfilia, but she had taken priority and then he had simply… been distracted by more important happenings. Making a bedroom for her that was welcoming and comfortable took precedence, and visiting the Crystarium to purchase supplies to do so takes some small amount of preparation. And if he were pressed about it, Urianger could not truthfully say he minded the fact there was only one other bed suited for occupancy.

He doesn't analyze the thought, or choose to acknowledge it at all, but the fact of the matter is that he would prefer if Thancred slept somewhere Urianger could keep an eye on him. There's a lasting anxiety that keeps prodding Urianger with imagining the future the Exarch told him of, where his friends lie dead, on top of acknowledging Thancred specifically has thrown himself into the most dangerous and tiresome path of them all, and hearing Thancred breathing eases Urianger's late-night worries.

There is also something he's well aware of that makes him extremely cognizant of the fact that sharing a bed would make Thancred physically closer to him than he's been in a while, and he could be forgiven for an accidental brush of skin. Even if that is rather selfish of him. That, he's come to terms with more than he has voicing his unnecessary worries about safety, as the former would probably sound like a dig at Thancred's capabilities and the latter merely an inconvenience.

As it is, Urianger sits on his bed, half reading a book and half absentmindedly listening to Thancred's breathing, in the dim light filtering from a muted table lamp that's barely enough to differentiate letters by. He doesn't want to wake Thancred, the other needs what sleep he can get. Urianger has heard the stories of his and Minfilia's journeying and sincerely doubts Thancred gets an even remotely acceptable amount of rest. So he stops mid-motion when Thancred inhales deeply, worried that movement from him or the bioluminescense of his nu mou-made night lantern was what roused him. Instead, Thancred shifts and grabs Urianger's wrist, stilling Urianger's worried attempt at adjustment immediately. “Ah?“ Thancred moves himself closely enough that he's leaning just a slight bit against Urianger, ostensibly looking down at the book in Urianger's lap.

”If… if thou shalt still commit thyself to rest for the evening.“ It's not the first time someone has implied to him that his voice is relaxing, though Thancred has not been one of those people afore this. It is incredibly distracting to work out that simple reply while Thancred's fingers shift against Urianger's unguarded inner wrist. Sir, please. He is doing his best to resist the urge to lean over, curl around Thancred and hold him to the constant feeling of affection for him that Urianger has realized since his settling in Il Mheg is just a part of himself now.

But that is an urge to resist. Urianger isn't sad over his certainty that Thancred is simply his friend, he's acknowledged that, too. A candle is procured, lit with the simplest of spells, and set on the table. Urianger debates if his urge to thread his fingers through Thancred's hair could be passed off as a generally amicable impulse. He's close, his head just barely a pressing weight against Urianger's side, and said urge is incredibly difficult to tamp back down. Just to touch him, a little bit, it would be fine if-- well, largely if Urianger were any other person, where a freedom of touch and gesture were less remarkable.

Thancred's voice coming back nearly startles him, Urianger lost enough in his own thoughts that he forgot Thancred was ostensibly waiting for him to do something. The choice of word Thancred makes is a jolt. Both times, 'adore' is a tugging feeling there towards his companion, Urianger's wide-eyed look of surprise and the beginning of an embarrassed flush about his ears just barely visible in the candle's glow. ”That which I know is….“ Not that?

That Thancred is his dear friend and companion and coworker, and they are not meant to have in other intentions toward one another, for they are coworkers and atop that Thancred's taste runs different from whatever category Urianger occupies. Urianger inhales deeply, holds his breath for a second, to marshal his thoughts. He has to choose his words, make exacting statements while his impulses are in turmoil. (With this undertones, is it not an invitation to reach out and touch Thancred as he wishes to? But invitations must be stated, less he misinterpret, and surely he misinterprets.) ”I knoweth only that which I am told.“

What are the many things, how does Thancred define 'adore'? One can adore a friend, a pet, one can adore a partner, too. If he misinterprets-- a series of words-for and aspects-of adoration (love) skims under his thoughts, almost voiced. (Would you like a list, Thancred, definition and example, for he could offer this whispered against the side of your neck, too embarrassed to look up but too fervent to stop?) ”And 'tis my fear that I may lose what I hold dear and hath tried my utmost to protect, should I overact.“

He does want to protect, both Thancred in general and his friendship in particular, his nearness and his ability to feel like he and Minfilia can rest in Urianger's care. This trust, he must keep above all else. There is a pause. Urianger leans down, close but not touching the other. “Thancred, if I asked thy permission to be close to thee, in touch or in emotion, what would thou grant me?” He doesn't quite know how he even would express himself in words, for all he's thought about and come to a simple acceptance of his thoughts he's never really needed to quantify them.

He has nothing more concrete to delineate with words other than that statement that he will take and perform whatever he is granted. He doesn't have exact words cut out and delineated, strung in neat sentences to express the tugging feeling that makes him want to hold Thancred against him, to become someone 'safe' and 'reliable' and to have attention he doesn't know how to ask for, either. Just tell him where the line is, so he can toe it, know his limits as to what would make Thancred step back and lose Urianger the trust required to have Thancred accept his protection.