#she answered like 10 questions before she got bored and told him to bugger off lol

[all-the-love-harold]

Epilogue

Master Post 

November 15th 2021 - 6 weeks 

 The bitter Autumn air seeped through the glass of the bedroom window as Poppy and Harry caught some very much needed sleep in the early hours of this Tuesday morning. Today would have been Florence’s due date, but instead she was six weeks old, and so was her brother Oscar. They were the twins that weren’t really twins and they filled their parents' hearts with so much love that they found it difficult to sleep even when they had the chance. 

 Harry awoke abruptly to the sounds of Flori’s coos and let out a sign of relief when he realised she was still sleeping, but then sat up to check that the two of them were still breathing. That was the thing about being a parent, he couldn’t stop worrying about them, he even still checked in on Oli to make sure he was ok from time to time.  

 “You kids give me heart palpitations,” he sighed, laying back down on his pillow.

 “Is everything ok?” Poppy mumbled, still half asleep .

 “Yeah,” Harry said, wrapping his arm around her “Go back to sleep, Lovie.” 

Poppy nestled in closer to Harry’s chest and felt her body drift back off into sleep. She didn’t know how long it had been but she guessed only about 10 minutes because Harry was asleep but not yet snoring, and Poppy found herself waking up to the sounds of Oli’s feet entering their room. 

 “Mummy,” he whispered “I miss my brother Ossie!” 

 “He’s sleeping honey” Poppy mumbled “why don’t you hop into bed with Mummy and Daddy until he wakes up.” 

 “He’s always sleeping!” Oli sighed but crawled in next to Poppy anyway, snuggling and tangling his legs with her own

 “He’s a baby Buddy,  but I promise he won’t be this boring forever...” 

 “Flori’s more boring, she sleeps even more” He sighed 

 “She’s got more growing to do, but you know she loves you, she’s alway smiling when she sees you” 

 Oli sighed “She doesn’t talk though,” 

 “She won’t until she’s a bit older, but once she does, she’ll be a total chatterbox.  For now she’s all smiles.” 

 “And cries,” he added, the second that Flori started crying. 

 Harry sat upright, eyes still closed “It’s my turn,” he hummed, voice raspy with sleep.

 Poppy giggled, patting him on the chest “It’s alright H, I’ve got this one”  

 “OK,” he laid back down and Poppy swung her legs out of the bed and walked over to the bassinet in the corner where both babies were starting to cry.

 “Good Morning my little ones,” she cooed. “It’s nice to see you both awake”. She made the move to pick up Oscar first and take him over to the bed where Oli could say good morning. Juggling two babies was hard enough on its own, but because Flori was so much smaller and more fragile than Ossie, Poppy decided it was best to take them one at a time. 

 “Oli, give Ossie a cuddle for me while I get Flori,” she rested the baby on the bed, right next to Oli. He was still too young to hold him without supervision but he knew to be gentle when he cuddled either of the babies.

 “Hi Flori Girl,” Poppy said as she picked up the second baby, “Are you going to eat for me today? Or is that too much to ask?” 

 Flori had had trouble feeding since she was born, which was something not uncommon to babies born six weeks early, but it made it harder to feed them both at the same time. 

 “H,” Poppy whispered “H I need your help with feeding them, please.” 

 “Hmmm,” he hummed and sat up “I’ll take Ossie” 

 “Can I hold the bottle for him daddy?” Oli said enthusiastically

 Harry swung his legs over the edge of the bed and rubbed his eyes “Of course you can, why don’t you help me make the bottles first though?” 

 Oli leant over and kissed Oscar on the cheek and jumped out of bed next to Harry,“Mum his nappy smells...”  

 Poppy couldn’t help but giggle at her little boy, “I’ll fix that while you make his bottle.” 

 Oli toddled out after his father and Poppy stared at the babies as he left,“You two have the best big brother, you know that?”

 *** 

 April 5th, 2022 - 6 Months 

 Oli stood at the bathroom sink in front of the mirror, brushing his teeth and staring at his own reflection, opening and closing his eyes trying to see what colour they were. 

“Daddy,” he said as he looked in the mirror 

“Hmm,” Harry said 

“Why don’t my eyes look like yours or mummy’s?” 

Harry drew in a deep breath, he knew the day would come when Ollie would have questions about his real dad and where he came from, but he didn’t think it would come this soon, he’d only just turned four and he hadn’t even started school yet. He thought he’d have more time…

 “Why do you ask mate?” 

“Well, everyone always says how much Flori and Ossie look like mummy, but no one ever says that I look like you,” he spat the toothpaste out of his mouth and wiped his face with his sleeve. 

“Hey, use the towel please,” Harry said sternly “come on, get yourself tucked up in bed and I’ll tell you a story.”

“You didn’t answer my question dad!” Oli moaned putting the towel back on its rack and looking at Harry curiously.

“That’s what I’m going to tell you a story about, silly,”’ Harry smiled at his son.

“Yay!” He ran from the bathroom and down the hallway towards his bedroom 

“Walking feet Oliver Styles”, Harry called sternly and shook his head when Oliver turned around and slowed down to a power walk as he reached his room. Just a few steps behind, Harry quietly ducked into the main bedroom where Poppy was feeding the twins, and sat on the bed, running his hand through his hair. 

 “What’s up buttercup?” she said, looking at him with concern. 

“Oli wants to know why he doesn’t look like me...” 

Her body stiffened, “He knows H, we’ve told him before.” 

“I know,” Harry nodded “But I think he’s feeling left out” 

Poppy thought for a second, looking down at the two babies next to her, who were, biologically Harry’s, and her heart sank at the realisation that Oli might be starting to feel different to his siblings and the idea that he might be feeling a little less loved for that danced around in her head. 

“We’ll talk to him H, bring him in here and we’ll tell him together, OK? We’re a team,” she said, shifting the twins into their bassinet, carefully so that they didn’t wake up. Harry nodded, and stood up, walking down the hallway and into his son’s room. 

 “Come and get in bed with Mum, mate, she wants to tell the story too.” “But mummy’s got the babies,” Oli said looking at Harry sadly 

“They’re asleep, come on bud, come in and have a snuggle” Harry held out his hand out and Oli took it, pulling himself up and out of the bed and following Harry down the hall, stopping outside the bedroom door and looking up at his dad 

“In ya go bud” 

“Mummy!” he whispered loudly while he climbed into bed with Poppy  “Daddy said he’s going to tell me a story about why my eyes don’t look like yours!” 

She smiled at him and squeezed him in closer, “Mummy’s going to help Daddy tell you the story” 

He rested his head on her chest “Good, I miss you mummy, you always put the babies to bed now..”

Her heart sank even lower and she placed a kiss on his forehead “I know buddy, how about we make a deal? I still have to put Flori and Ossie to bed, but some nights you can come in here after your bath and we’ll have a cuddle and a story, like now?” 

A smile stretched across his face, “I like that, Mummy” 

Harry watched as Poppy had a moment with their son and slowly pulled back the covers once they and Oli were comfortable. 

“Daddy!” Oli said, “you can’t get in bed in your clothes, you have to put your jammies on.” 

Harry giggled at his son and put the covers back to where they belong, walking over to the chair where he kept his long pyjama pants 

“I guess you’re right buddy,” he said, glad to be given an excuse to avoid the conversation at hand. He unbuttoned his shirt and threw it into the laundry hamper before sliding his jeans off and replacing them with his pyjama pants. 

“Better?” he asked 

“Better..” Oli smiled and Harry walked back over to the bed, pulling the covers away and hopping  in next to Oli, who was now sandwiched between the two of them. Neither Harry or Poppy made an attempt to start the story, remaining silent but looking at each other, calmly working out what to say to the curious little boy sitting between them. 

“Well...” he said out ot the quiet looking up at Harry who noticed his voice was soft in the kind of way that your voice goes if you’re nervous after a bad dream.

 “Alright you little bugger,” Harry smiled and ruffled his hair taking a deep breath before opening his mouth again. “You remember when Emily and Mummy were having the babies?”Oli nodded against his chest 

“And you asked how they got there?”

“Yeah,” he mumbled “you said you put them there but they needed time to grow and then you said that mummy’s tummy didn’t work properly, that’s why Flori didn’t grow as much.” 

“That’s right”, Harry smiled and looked at Poppy for reassurance. She smiled and nodded and he continued. “Well,then you remember that we told you that when you were in mummy’s tummy a different daddy put you in there?” 

Oli didn’t say anything for a moment and Poppy and Harry left him to think about it. 

“But why are you my Daddy then?” he asked looking up at Harry, confused 

Poppy smiled, “The other daddy wasn’t a very nice man, so Mummy found the nicest man she knew and made him your daddy instead.” 

Harry smiled at her and waited for Oli to say something again. “Is that why you didn’t get married until I was in Mummy’s belly?” 

“That’s why,” Poppy said “if it wasn’t for you little man, mummy and daddy would never have fallen in love.” 

He nodded and smiled to himself and quickly looked up at Harry “Thanks for not letting the bad man be my daddy”, he moved his head from Poppy’s chest to Harry’s “I like you better!” 

Harry placed a kiss on Oli’s head, “I love you little man, this doesn’t change anything, OK?” 

“I know,” he nodded and all three of them smiled and remained silent for quite sometime after that, snuggling up and slowly dozing off. After about half an hour, Oli stirred and sat up 

“Daddy,” he cleared his throat

“Yeah buddy,” Harry said to him sleepily. 

“How do you put a baby in someone’s belly?” 

He sat up and looked at Poppy as she giggled at him trying to work his way out of it. 

“That, my friend is a story for another day” He picked Oli up and put him on the ground next to the bed, pulling the covers off himself and getting up. “It’s way past your bedtime and you’ve got nursery tomorrow” 

His face lit up at the sound of nursery “Will Thomas be there?” 

“He sure will”, Harry smiled “Now bed, come on, I’ll tuck you in” 

 ***

October 3rd 2022, 1 Year 

 The house was crowded, the kids were running wild and the adults were being less than helpful. In the entire year that had passed since Flori and Ossie were born, Addie had made up with her mum and forced Poppy to do the same. And that meant that Linda was there too. Fussing over the babies and turning the Cold Shoulder to everyone else. 

 “Ossie,” she smiled at the baby boy. “I wonder if your mum named you after where she’s from?”

 “It was actually me that named Oscar.” Emily smiled and held out her hand to introduce herself “I’m Emily,” 

 Linda smiled, “I’m Linda,” and she turned back to the baby. “You are just the cutest little boy!”

 Emily found it a little strange that Linda didn’t indulge in that conversation but decided not to worry about it since she barely knew the woman, maybe she was just shy. 

 Ossie smiled and rested his head on Linda’s shoulder, a habit that he’d developed recently that melted just about everyone’s heart.

 “Isn’t he the sweetest?” Anne said, walking over to Linda with Flori in her arms.

 “They both are,” Linda said, still staring at Ossie, who was now poking her nose .

 “This one is a little more sassy than him,” Anne laughed. “Do you want some Flori time? I’ll swap you!” 

 “I’ll have them both,” Linda said, allowing Anne to hand Flori over but refusing to let go of Ossie. Flori let out a high pitch happy squeal when she saw her brother and gave him a big smile 

 “Os,” she cooed “And Flori” she smiled at the two babies in her arms “I don’t know why your parents gave you such strange names!” 

 “Why is she even here? She doesn’t want to talk to anyone and all she’s doing is saying passive aggressive things to our children!” Poppy huffed as she shoved a plate of half eaten spring rolls into Harry’s hand 

 “You invited her,” Harry said, matter-of-factly taking the plate and emptying it into the bin. 

 “I didn’t think she’d actually show up!” Poppy sighed, leaning most of her weight on the kitchen bench.

 Harry put the plate down and wrapped his arms around her, “Why don’t we do the cake now? People leave after that right? Maybe she’ll go back to her hotel?” 

 “Dad won’t let her go until we ask them to.” 

 “Maybe we’ll get loud mouth out there to do it,” Harry nodded towards Oli, who was busy telling Emily’s nephew, Jack, that there’s a chocolate Peppa Pig Cake in the secret kitchen fridge and he knows because he’s “seen it with his own eyes!”

 A huge smile spread across Poppy’s face, “How did we get this lucky H? We’ve got two beautiful babies and Oli is just the sweetest little boy. And I have you and we have this wonderful house and when I moved to London 10 years ago I never even dreamed that this would be my life.” 

 Harry wrapped his arms around her, “This is your life Pop, and it’s better than either of us ever thought it would be. Now let's go sing Happy Birthday to our Miracle babies” 

 Poppy pulled away from the hug, “You get the cake, I’ll get the kids off my mum,” she paused….”Unless you want to do that?”

 “Nope,” Harry shook his head drawing his lips into a sharp line. “That job is all yours!” 

 Poppy rolled her eyes and plastered a huge fake smile onto her face before she walked out of the kitchen and straight over to her mother. 

 “Ok Mum,” she said. “It’s cake time, they need to go in high chairs.” 

“You really shouldn’t give them cake you know,” Linda said trying the balance the babies without dropping them but Flori was slowly slipping down her side.

 Poppy reached out and grabbed her, “Ok well when you don’t almost drop my child you can tell me what I should and shouldn’t feed them. But until then, come over to the table and sing happy birthday to them and at least pretend to be proud of the life that I’ve made for myself.” 

 Linda huffed “You didn’t make any of this,” she laughed, almost manically. “You had this handed to you!”

 Poppy took a deep breath to try and calm herself down. This didn’t need to be a repeat of the last time her mother was here. No one was going to storm out today. No one was going to stop talking to anyone. 

 “Just put Ossie in his high chair, Mum,” she sighed.“Or give him to me and I’ll do it.”

 Linda walked away with Oscar still nestled in her arms “She didn’t even make you Ossie,” she said in a fake baby voice that just about sent Poppy over the edge. Harry stepped in at just the right moment, placing the cake on the table in front of the highchairs and switched the lights off, getting everyone's attention, while Poppy secured Florence into her chair and made sure that Oscar’s buckle was done up. 

 “....Haaaappppy Birthday!” Harry started singing and everybody joined in, except Linda, who stood in the corner and sulked until the song was over.  Florence and Oscar were staring at the cake, looking confused, but smiling at all the singing. 

 “Ok before we cut the cake,” Harry said “I’d like to thank everyone for coming and for being so supportive over the last 12 months. We didn’t think we’d be here again after Violet was born two years ago, but thanks to Emily and some incredible luck on Poppy’s behalf, were blessed with two of the most beautiful babies ever.” Tears started welling in his eyes “So thank you for being here to celebrate with us!” 

 ****

 March 2024 - 3 Years 

 Florence always had trouble sleeping at night. There was a monster under her bed, she was sure of it. It had pink furry arms and eyes that looked like the Gruffalo’s.  Her Mum and dad’s bed was much safer, but she couldn’t leave Oscar in the room alone.

“Ossie” she said loudly to wake him up “Ossie the monster’s coming we need to tell Mum and Dad”

Oscar jumped out of his bed “I don’t like monsters Flori”

“Dad will scare it, come on” Florence flicked her matted hair behind her shoulders with all the sass in the world and left the room

 “Mummy” Ossie said, almost crying, “There’s a monster in my room” 

Poppy and Harry froze in their tracks. He was deep inside her and she was only seconds away from an orgasm. They were thankful that the lights were out, and that the twins couldn’t see that Harry was on top of her or that his hands were massaging her breasts. At the sound of Ossie’s voice both of them sighed, they hadn’t had a moment to themselves for weeks now, between all three of their children, there was always one of them in your bed. 

“A monster?” Harry said once he had rolled off Poppy, giving her a moment to catch her breath “What’s going on buddy?” 

“There was noise and the monster was coming to get me” the tears were streaming down his face.

“Dad you need to get it” Flori said “It’s got pink furry arms”

“Are you sure they’re pink?” Harry said, pulling the covers tighter over himself

“Yes” Flori nodded “Bright pink”

“Come here buddy” Poppy cooed holding her arms out for a hug, but Ossie seemed to think that was an invitation to get under the covers and Flori soon followed, snuggling in next to her brother. Ossie didn’t notice anything for a while, but once he stopped crying he lifted his head from Poppy’s shoulder 

“Mummy, why are you naked?” 

She turned her head to look at Harry and he just smirked at her and shrugged, offering no help

“I must have forgotten my clothes” 

“Your bra’s on the floor over there” Flori pointed to where her bra laid haphazardly over the floor after Harry had thrown it off. 

At that Harry let out a loud cackle “Yeah, Pop, what’s your bra doing on the floor” 

She playfully hit Harry across his torso “I don’t know Harry, why is your underwear hanging on the side of the bed” 

“Daddy, are you naked too?” Ossie asked

“Daddy doesn’t like clothes buddy” Harry laughed 

“Daddy’s going to go and find his clothes now, isn’t he?” Poppy said passive aggressively

“Not sure that’s a good idea love” he furrowed his brow and she knew exactly what he meant, but she thought she’d tease him little and hovered her hand over his dick, which was still hard. 

“You better go fix that then” she whispered pointing to the bathroom

“You want to help?” he winked 

“There’s monsters Harry” she sighed and he got the hint, pulling the covers back and throwing you his t-shirt before he walked into the bathroom. You were thankful that the twins remained oblivious to most of this conversation. She attempted to get the shirt on without disturbing them too much, but he was still a little on edge so any movement worried him. 

“Sorry buddy” you said, pulling him in closer now that you had something to cover yourself. 

“Where’s Daddy gone?” Ossie was almost crying again

“He just went to the toilet” She kissed his head trying to comfort him

“The monster will get him Mummy” 

“There’s no monsters Oli, our house is safe” 

“Mum, there’s definitely monsters” Flori said, unwilling to let the conversation die

Harry walked back into the room, wearing a pair of pyjama pants, and climbed into the bed again. 

“Can I cuddle daddy too?” Ossie asked

“course you can little man” Harry said, moving over so that Ossie could lay between them both. He calmed down after that, and only a few moments later he was snoring and so was Flori. But there was no rest for the wicked, because just as Harry and Poppy were about to drift off, Oliver walked in.

“I can’t sleep” He said

Harry rolled over and looked towards the door where Oli was standing “What’s wrong buddy?”

Oli shrugged “Just can’t sleep” he said, rubbing his eyes

Harry sighed and pulled the covers back, thankful that this time he was wearing pants “hop in”

Oli snuggled in beside Harry and made himself comfortable.

“We’re turning into one of those sexless couples” Poppy sighed once they were all sleeping 

“Tomorrow’s a day-care day” Harry whispered 

“And I’m going to work” Poppy said, leaning over the child in-between them to place a kiss on Harry’s cheek

“Take a sick day” he winked

***

 September 1st 2025 - 5 Years 

“Flori” Poppy called from the kitchen “come here at let me do your hair, please”

Flori didn’t hurry down stairs, infact, she took them one at a time, making sure she could practice her ballet kicks as she went. The timing of today couldn’t have been worse, not only were the twins starting school, but Harry was leaving for a world tour that started in Paris. This was the first one of this scale since they were born, it was a 12 month long tour, with regular breaks, at Poppy’s demand. 

“Oliver, I need you to start getting dressed buddy” Poppy said sternly as her almost 10 year old son sat on the couch watching cartoons. 

“I don’t want to go back to school” he sighed “I want to go around the world with Dad” 

“School is more important Oliver” Harry said from the kitchen bench where he was attempting to pack the twins bags “You’ll get to visit me on tour in your half term remember?” 

Oli rolled his eyes “I know” he said and got up, turning the TV off on his way to his bedroom. 

“Thank you Oli,” Poppy smiled “Tell your sister to hurry up too please” 

“I’m right here Mum” Flori said innocently, swishing her hair off her shoulder. 

A tear came to Poppy’s eyes as she saw her daughter dressed in her school uniform for the first time. When she looked at her feet in her school shoes she couldn’t help but think about how tiny those same feet had been when she was born. Or how Chubby her cheeks got when she was six months old and not yet walking. Or how grown up she looked now. 

“Mum, why are you crying?” Flori asked 

“Because” Poppy wiped the tears from her eyes with a slight giggle “My baby girl is all grown up” 

“I’m not an adult” she said “just a big girl” 

“You’re right” Poppy laughed “Now! How does a big school girl want her hair done today?” 

“Piggy tails!” Flori exclaimed, jumping a little with the excitement of it all. 

“Okay,” Harry said, “Bags are packed. Where’s Ossie?” 

“He doesn’t know how to do his neck thing up” Flori said while Poppy pulled her hair through the bobble. 

Harry nodded and made his way up stairs to where Oscar was standing at his mirror, like he’d seen his dad do  so many times before, struggling to tie his tie. 

“Need some help there little dude?” Harry said, leaning against the door frame.

“This is hard dad” he sighed 

“Here, let me show you” Harry walked in the room and knelt down on Oscar’s level, taking the tie off him. “You start by putting your collar up, then you put the tie around your neck, and make sure the two tails match up, then you loop this big one around and pull it through” 

“I don’t think I’ll remember that” Oscar said, smiling at his dad 

“That’s ok” Harry smiled back, “Mummy can help, she helps me with me with mine all the time” 

“Who’s going to help you when mummy is here with me and you’re busy singing and making other people happy?”

“I’ll be ok buddy, I’ll have lots of people to help me, you need your mummy here” 

“She’s the best mummy” Oscar said 

“Sure is” Harry grinned “Now should we go to school?” 

“Yes!” Oscar exclaimed! “Ready for big school!” 

“Let’s go then!”  

They ran down the stairs to find Oli, Flori and Poppy waiting at the door 

“Are we ready for big school?!” Poppy exclaimed 

“Yes yes yes” Flori and Ossie said together, still jumping with excitement. 

The school was only a short walk away from their house, so instead of the hassle of getting everyone secured into car seats, they walked to school as a family, Oli rode his scooter and Flori and Ossie held hands the entire way there. 

“How did we get here?” Poppy said, holding onto Harry’s hand as they walked “It took us so long to get them, and here they are, about to start school” 

“Just look at them Pop,” Harry smiled “We’re so lucky to have them” 

“Oli will be in high school next time we blink” Poppy said “And dating”

“Oh god” Harry sighed and laughed at the same time. 

They walked into the school through the front gate and Oli took his helmet off, grabbing his bag off Harry and running off towards his friends. But just as he started to gain speed he turned around and came back. 

“Bye Dad,” he said wrapping his arms around Harry’s waist “I’ll miss you dad” 

“I’ll call you everyday buddy and it’s only two weeks before I’m back here” then Harry knelt down so that he could whisper something to Oli. “If you keep practicing on your guitar you’ll be able to replace mitch when he gets too old” 

That left Oli smiling from ear to ear and he started to run towards his friends again 

“Bye mum and dad, I love you” he called as he ran. 

“Alright you two, lets go find your new teacher and put your bags away” 

They walked towards the twins classroom and introduced themselves to the teacher who encouraged them to stay and play with them while they got settled in. Poppy was reminded of Oli’s first day and how clingy he had been and she thanked her lucky stars that Flori and Ossie had each other. When it was time for parents to leave, Harry and Poppy simply kissed their children goodbye and left and neither of them cried. They left the school feeling a little empty, like they’d left something behind and Poppy kept checking her watch to see how long until she could turn around and pick them up again. 

“We did it H, we got three kids to school” 

He took her hand and kissed her gently “it’s a Sign of the times Pop”

[girlinthepictureframe]

The Briefest Kiss Part 10

New Year's Eve

“He knows how to play the acoustic,” explained Alex, still laughing, “but he doesn't know a thing about modified electrics. Broke the damn thing off. He looked so guilty and lost, I actually felt bad for him. Got him an old electric of mine, told him to practice until I get back. He'll get there.”

Miles, who sat a few seats down the bar, was able to hear Alex tell the story and smiled to himself. How he would have loved to have seen it. Alex's father was a very talented musician, he played a bunch of instruments, but it was only in recent years that he had discovered his interest in rocking out on guitars. He'd jammed quite a few times with him and Alex during their last tour. Miles lifted his eyes, carefully sneaking a glance at Alex, only to have him glance back. Miles quickly adverted his eyes, feeling stupid and caught. A ridiculous thought. But it was there nonetheless.

Why did Alex have to show up tonight? Miles began bouncing his leg, a nervous gesture. For the first time in a long while Miles was having somewhat of a good time, surrounded by friends and old acquaintances. They had chatted, caught up, laughed, until, about an hour ago, Alex had walked in. Everyone else was still having a good time. Only his good mood had withered immediately.

Well, to be perfectly honest, he hadn't been in thatgood of a mood to begin with. It was New Year's Eve and here he was, three months after his kind-of break-up with Alex, still trying to figure out where to go from there. For the entire day the thought of not spending the night with Alex had weighed down on him. Then he'd told himself to bloody get a grip and get it together. So he'd tried to get it together, to not think of Alex, and to distract himself. Naturally, Alex had used that moment to reenter Miles' life.

Fucker loved a good entrance.

Miles had been so shocked by the sight of his old friend that he had only been able to mumble a weird, incoherent welcome which had included the words 'hi', 'um', and 'hello'. Not his brightest moment! Then Alex had given him the tiniest, most timid smile and a carefully spoken 'hello'. It was the first time he'd ever heard anyone say anything in a careful manner, but truly, there was no other way to describe it.

Overwhelmed and unsure how to react, Miles had wordlessly walked away, taken a seat at the bar and not moved from there since. Ten minutes later, Alex had taken a seat as well. Two chairs down to the right. And when Miles began to believe that the night couldn't possible get anymore awkward, Al's girlfriend had walked in and straight up planted herself on Al's lap.

'That's my spot,' Miles' increasingly drunk and startlingly jealous mind had chimed in and almost as if Alex had heard it, he'd had given her a nudge and let her know to find a chair instead. Miles' mind had responded a snarky 'thank you!' Ever since then he and his mind were pondering his next moves. Should he remain at the bar? Should he head out to the balcony? Or, better yet, just go home? Maybe he should just call it a night and—

“Hey, Miles.”

He and his mind should have paid more attention, apparently! Neither one had noticed Alex taking a seat next to him. Miles took a large swig from his drink and swallowed hard. “Alex.”

“Are you enjoying your night?”

As Miles pondered his response, he allowed his sight to linger on Alex. He looked vulnerable and afraid, almost scared. It was hard to see his friend like that. His former friend. He didn't want things to be awkward between them. Maybe they didn't know how to be the friends they used to be at the moment, but did that necessarily imply that they couldn't act 'normal' around each other? They didn't need to hug or whisper or talk about their shared history, but couldn't they have a neutral conversation? Apparently not, Miles realized, as he attempted to answer Alex's very simple question. “I was. I am, I mean. I believe. What I'm trying to say is...oh bloody hell!” Miles grabbed the drink in front of him, finished it off and turned to Alex. “Fuck this! Care for a smoke?”

Alex looked as though Miles had made him the world's greatest gift. “God, yes!”

Both made their way out to the balcony. It was almost empty. A few people were hovering near the wall, but it was an icy cold winter night and people weren't dressed for the weather. Miles didn't care. The cold soothed him, helped him get keep his head clear. And he knew Alex felt the same.

“It's weird,” said Miles, trying to explain his set of mind. “Seeing you here, after all this time. For a moment I wished you hadn't shown up. At the same time, though, I'm glad that you did. I just don't know how to talk to you.”

“Me neither,” admitted Alex, shyly. “I hadn't planned on coming here. I was sitting in my apartment the whole day, deciding for and against coming here. But we always spend this night together. And I thought, if I don't show up, what if that's another nail in the coffin of our friendship?”

“Does it have a coffin yet?” Miles snuck a worried glance at Alex.

“You tell me.” He lit the cigarette for which they had come for. As did Miles. “I still don't have the words you deserve to hear. I've written countless letters to you. They're sitting in shelves all over the world. I was in LA and remembered our time making our album. And I tried writing to you about that. In France I recalled our night at the lake. How simple it was for us to shrug off what had happened that night. How we didn't move on from that, because we never needed to move on. We were just okay with it all. In London I went to visit the club where we first met. Remember the one? There's a picture of us which the owners hung up near the bathrooms. I had never noticed before. A few days ago I was in Sheffield and wrote to you about how much I miss you.”

Miles wished he'd gotten the letters, wished that he knew every single word Alex had written down. “Why haven't you sent any of 'em, Al?”

“I let my heart write those letters, Mi. They're too honest. At times, they're even too honest for myself.”

Miles wanted to tell him that there could never be too much truth between. But that was a lie. He remembered his own omissions of honesty. And he knew there were things he was keeping from Alex. Feelings. Desires. Fears. Truths. If Miles allowed his heart to take the reigns, he'd be having his way with Alex right here, right now, consequences be damned. If he allowed his mind to lead, he'd never touch Alex again out of fear for even the smallest repercussions. “What if we never find the right words, Al? What if we don't find a way out of this hole that we've dug?”

“We will, Miles.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Cause I bloody fucking miss you.”

Miles closed his eyes, took a deep breath and clutched the wrought iron rail of the balcony they were standing on. It took all that he had inside of him not to grab Alex and haul him in for a tight hug and God knows what else. How was it possible to long so deeply, so overwhelmingly, for another person? How was it possible to need somebody so desperately? Not just in a physical manner, but also emotionally?

“It's almost midnight,” Alex pointed out.

Miles kept his eyes close, but nodded into the night. Their time was up. “We should go back inside.”

“Yes.” He let go of the rail, met Alex's eyes briefly, then followed him back towards the bar. Alex returned to his chair next to Louise, and Miles took his old seat two chairs away from him. Other people began to gather around the bar. Not long and the countdown began. Seconds ticked down. Fireworks could be heard through the open windows. Miles saw Louise giving Alex a kiss and quickly looked away.

'Happy New Year,” his bored and lonely mind chimed in. “And if he were mine, better fucking believe he would be grasping for air right now.”

Valentine's Day

“Dear Friend, I know this day is meant for lovers, but I consider us lovers of a different kind. We share a mind. May these flowers find you well. Love, Alexa.”

Miles chuckled as he read the card. Hers, as always, was much classier than the one he'd sent her. His was the humorous kind. Instead of flowers, he'd gotten her a selection of sweets, which he knew she loved.

“A girlfriend?” Pauline, his mother, smiled cheekily as she made her way towards her dining room table upon which Miles had placed the flowers. “Do I know her?”

“A friend. And yes, you do. It's Alexa.”

“Oh, how disappointing. Well, not that, but here I had hoped you would found yourself a date for tonight.”

“Mother,” said Miles, giving her a tone of complete annoyance and utter disapproval, a tone he had perfected when he'd been a teenager. A tone that expressed his displeasure at the idea of his mother being noisy, a tone that professed gratitude for her general interest in his life but at the same time conveyed a warning not to show too much interest for she may not like what she'd find. A tone that said, 'mother, I love you dearly, but please, bugger off.'

Pauline understood it perfectly. “Here's your mail, sweetheart.”

Miles quickly flipped through the letters that had arrived for him since the last time he'd been here. Even though his official address had him residing in London, some wayward correspondence still made its way to his hometown. But between the occasional fan letter, some ads and a bunch of invitations, the stack of mail held not what Miles was hoping for ever since Alex had told him about his letter-writing habit.

He sat down, pushed the mail away, and returned to the emails he was catching up on.

“Oh, for heaven's sake. That's it,” said his mother, took the iPad away from him and sat down. “I've had it with you, son. Tell me what's going on or I will call Alex and make him tell me! You know I will!”

Miles's eyes went wide. “Say what now?”

“The Miles that I remember wasn't so gloomy and sad all the time. I admit I don't see you as often as I used to, anymore. Touring and all that – don't get me wrong, I'm quite happy for you and very proud! But you used to come here, happy and carefree. Now you spend your free time staring out the window as though you're waiting for Christ's return!”

He scoffed. “That's not what I'm doing, mom.”

“I know that. But it sure looks like it. And I'm telling you, that's enough. I mean it. Tell me what's causing you sorrow!”

He gave her a reluctant look, but, maybe she was right. Maybe it was time he spilled his heart to somebody? Maybe it was time for a different perspective? And his mother would offer a solution, of that he had no doubt. It was the part before that, the admitting-to-what-he-had-done, which was troubling him. “What if you don't like what I'm about to tell you?”

“Miles, you quit school and told me you wanted to become a rockstar when you were a teenager. I honestly don't believe it can be worse than that!”

He couldn't help but smile. “Love you, mom. But this one's a bit of a different problem.”

“Miles,” she warned.

And he understood perfectly. “Alright.” For a moment he considered his words. He sat up a bit straighter, attempted to appear not quite as lost as he felt, and began. “There's this person.” For now he went with vague descriptions. He wasn't yet sure just how much he was willing to share. “This person and I...we've known each other for a long while now an—”

“So this is about Alex,” concluded Pauline.

“No,” said Miles. “I didn't say that!”

“That boy used to come here as often as you did. Now it's been over a year since he last placed his muddy boots on my perfectly clean carpet. And even when he was here, the last few times, things weren't as they used to. The both of you used to be glued to the hip together. I swear, last time I saw you two, you religiously avoided touching each other! Start again, dear. And don't be shy with the details! Come now, what happened? Did you fall for the same girl?”

Involuntary laughter escaped him. “Oh, if only.” Seeing the wish to help on his mother's face made him falter and relent. “We had sex,” Miles blurted out.

“You and the girl?”

“No, mom. Me and Alex.”

“And?”

Had she understood what he had just admitted to? “Me and Alex, mom. There's no girl involved. Alex Turner and I, we had sex. With each other.”

“I got that part,” she dryly let him know. “I'm not stupid. I know what sex is. Was is bad? Is that what happened? I presume he was the first man you spent a night with? I've never seen you show any sort of romantic interest for any other man. So if this was the first time, maybe the two of you didn't do it right?”

He wanted to say something, but for the life of all that was holy to him, he couldn't form a single sentence. He had just told his mother that her supposedly straight son had slept with his male best friend. Instead of asking what he assumed was the world's most obvious question, she was worried that they had struggled with the mere mechanics of it? “That's...we...uh—”

“Words, dear. Use them. I can't yet read your mind.”

Miles shook his head in disbelief. “It wasn't bad, mom. That's not the issue. It was quite the opposite, to be perfectly honest. If anything, that's the issue! No, it's...the issue is that I've...” The words were stuck in his throat. He wanted to tell her, but that meant saying them out loud. Which, in return, made all of it that much more real and tragic. And once they were out in the open, he could never unsay them. They became a fact. Undeniable. But when she reached for his hand, he closed his eyes. And gave up. “I'm in love with him. Imagine that, mom. I've fallen hopelessly in love with my best friend. Now what?”

“Now you let me hug you,” said Pauline, got up, pulled Miles out if his chair and squeezed him tightly against her.

He loved her more than ever in this moment. She was his rock, his unshakable foundation.

She pecked his forehead, smiled warmly at him and sat back down. “Now tell me about that night and why the two of you are no longer speaking.”

“Because he's not in love with me,” said Miles and shrugged, helpless and out of answers. “Not even a little bit.” And it sucked, be to honest. “But that's okay. I can handle that. I'm trying to figure out how to handle it,” he admitted. “Alex – you know him, mom. He's bad when you confront him about his feelings. What we did, it freaked him out. He couldn't even stay around to look at me afterwards. And now he won't talk to me. All he says is that he's struggling to find the right words. But that's not even what I want. I need him to tell me that he regrets it. I need to hear it from him. To move on. And I need him to tell me that he can still be my friend.”

“Are you sure he regrets is, sweetheart? Because I always had the feeling that—”

“He walked out, in the middle of the night. Grabbed his stuff and just left. Not even a note. It happened last September. We have spoken exactly twice since that night. Trust me, I know he regrets it. He just doesn't want to tell me. But we're stuck. We need to talk about it.”

“Miles, I know it sucks to be in love with someone who doesn't love you back in the same way. But you can't wait for him to invite you back into his life. Alex is a very complicated man and you know that. If he feels as you say he does, he'll never find the right words to break your heart, because those don't exist. Only he doesn't know that and so he'll spend the rest of his days searching for them. It's a never ending spiral. Ha! Funny,” she suddenly said, smiling. “I just quoted one of your songs!”

He rolled his eyes. “Well done, mother.”

“Oh, stop it. What I mean to tell you is this: If you want Alex back in your life, and you can be okay with having him back in your life as just as friend, then you need to let him know that you're fine and that you can handle that. You need to let him know that his words won't make you leave him for good.”

He thought about it. As always, his mother had valid points. Back in that dimly lit hallway in Paris, Alex had told him that he'd never wanted to hurt him. It wouldn't surprise Miles if Alex was trying to figure out a way to break his heart without breaking it, which was impossible but 'impossible' was a term that Alex considered stupid. “So I should go to him?”

“That's what I would do. Tell him how you feel and tell him that, regardless of it all, you want him in your life as a friend. And if he doesn't want that, you need to know that as well. Whatever his reply may be, I know you can handle it.”

“I'll consider it. Thanks, mom.” He reached for his iPad, got back to the emails, but his mind lingered on her advice. If he did go to Alex, what would he tell him? Should he tell him everything? Or just tell him that it was time for them to move on? Would they have to discuss what had happened or merely agree never to mention it again?

“Out of curiosity,” wondered Pauline, “is Alex a good kisser?”

“Mother!” He wondered if all mothers were this nosy or if it was a unique trait of hers. He groaned when he noticed her eyes drilling a hole into his scull, as if trying to read his mind. “Oh if you must know, yes! He's a bloody amazing kisser! Can we please change the subject?”

“Fine,” she agreed. “So, does all of this mean that you're gay now?”

He grabbed the iPad and walked away. “Unbelievable!”

Here’s a little spoiler for the next part. ;)

“Don't!” Warned Alex sternly, even pointing a finger at him. His voice turned angry. “That's not— We're not at a point in our relationship where we do that!”

“Do what?”

“Fucking flirt!”

[chocolatequeennk]

Forever and Never Apart, 37/42

Summary: After taking a year to recover from the Master, the Doctor and Rose are ready to travel again. But Time keeps pushing them forward, and instead of going back to their old life, they slowly realise that they’re stepping into a new life. Friends new and old are meeting on the TARDIS, and when the stars start going out, the Doctor and Rose face the biggest change of all: the return of Bad Wolf.

Series 4 with Rose, part 7 of Being to Timelessness; sequel to Taking Time (AO3 | FF.NET | TSP)

Betaed by @lastbluetardis, @rudennotgingr, @jabber-who-key, and @pellaaearien. Thank you so much!

This fills several Bad Wolf prompts on @doctorroseprompts

AO3 | FF.NET | TSP

Ch 1 | Ch 2 | Ch 3 | Ch 4 | Ch 5 | Ch 6 | Ch 7 | Ch 8 | Ch 9 | Ch 10 | Ch 11 | Ch 12 | Ch 13 | Ch 14 | Ch 15 | Ch 16 | Ch 17 | Ch 18 | Ch 19 | Ch 20 | Ch 21 | Ch 22 | Ch 23 | Ch 24 | Ch 25 | Ch 26 | Ch 27 | Ch 28 | Ch 29 | Ch 30 | Ch 31 | Ch 32 | Ch 33 | Ch 34 | Ch 35 | Ch 36

Art of this chapter by @jemsauce

Chapter Thirty-seven: Into the Crucible

The Doctor’s mind spun just as fast as the TARDIS as she moved through the Vortex. Davros. Daleks. Twenty-seven stolen planets, arranged in an optimal configuration… but for what? He tried to catch a glimpse of the timelines, but the gold lines he could usually see dissolved into trails of gold dust that scattered in the wind.

The TARDIS landed with a final, grating thud. Beside him, Jenny wobbled back on her heels, and his arm shot out automatically to catch her.

“Thanks, Dad,” she said as she righted herself. Then she looked from him to the door and back again. “Where are we?”

“London,” the Doctor said. He sniffed and stuck his hands in his pockets. “Occupied London—there are Daleks in the streets.”

Donna had taken a step towards the door, but she stopped at that. “Then… what are we going to do?”

The question hung in the air. The Earth had no defences against a full-scale Dalek invasion. They wouldn’t in one hundred fifty years, and they definitely didn’t now. The Doctor tucked that memory away before he could get lost in the melancholy of missing Susan.

“Come on,” he said briskly, gesturing at the door. “The only way out is through, according to some wise person… Robert Frost, or maybe Alanis Morissette.”

Rose took his hand and walked beside him down the ramp. She nodded encouragingly when he looked at her before opening the door.

It was dark as night outside, even though the TARDIS coordinates had clearly been set for late afternoon. The Doctor glanced up at the sky; the twenty-seven planets were a disaster in the making, but the beauty of it still struck him.

“I’ve never seen London so empty,” Rose whispered. They had landed in the middle of a street, right in front of a church. The street that would normally be busy was littered with abandoned cars, doors left open by owners trying to escape the Daleks.

The door clicked shut behind them, and then Donna said, “Like a ghost town.”

“Sarah Jane said they were taking the people,” the Doctor mused. “What for?” He looked over at Rose. “Did Mickey tell you anything in your dream, Rose?”

She shook her head. “Nothing. Just… that the stars were going out, and I needed to tell you.”

The Doctor huffed. “What does that even mean? The stars are going out?”

“Well, we were kind of hoping you could tell us,” called out a familiar voice.

Rose and the Doctor whirled around, their mouths gaping open when they saw Mickey leaning against the corner of the church, casual as you please.

“Mickey!” Rose dropped the Doctor’s hand and ran to her friend, letting him sweep her up in a hug.

A laser blast sent them all diving for cover, but when there was no accompanying cry of “Exterminate!” they cautiously looked towards the other end of the street. The silhouette of Jack Harkness was instantly recognisable, standing behind the smoking hulk of a Dalek.

“You know,” Jack remarked casually as he lowered his enormous weapon, “you should really be more careful. There are Daleks around, after all.”

The Doctor looked up and down the street. “Yeah…” he muttered. “Actually, why don’t we take this inside? Bit safer in there.”

Once they were inside with the doors shut, he gave himself a moment to take in how full the console room was. It had been a long time since he’d had this many people inside the TARDIS, and to his surprise, he liked the way it felt.

“So, Boss,” Mickey said. “I think a few introductions might be in order.”

“Right, yes.” The Doctor pressed his tongue to the back of his teeth and nodded once.

Before he could say anything more, Jack turned to Donna and Jenny. “Captain Jack Harkness,” he said, winking at them both. “Pleasure to finally meet you in person, Ginger.”

“Jack…” The Doctor pinched the bridge of his nose. The whole exchange was just so predictable and boring.

“Oh, Rose has told me about you,” Donna drawled, sidling closer.

“Of course she has,” the Doctor muttered, earning a laugh and a nudge in the ribs from Rose.

Jenny tilted her head and studied him for a moment, then she turned to the Doctor. “I don’t understand. In all the stories, Jack is your friend. So why don’t you sound like you want us to get to know him, Dad?”

“Dad?” Mickey and Jack exclaimed in unison.

Rose laughed harder, then moved over to Jenny, putting her hands on her shoulders. “Mickey, Jack—I’d like you to meet our daughter, Jenny Tyler.”

Mickey’s jaw was almost on the floor. “Blimey, I know this thing is a time machine, but how long has it been for the two of you?”

Rose rolled her eyes. “No, you plum. She was… Well, it’s a long story, but the short version is that she’s only about six months old. She was born a full adult.”

“You know,” Donna said, “the fact that that is not the strangest thing that’s happened in the last year is really saying something.” She looked at Mickey. “And who are you, then? My name’s Donna—Donna Noble.”

Mickey cracked a grin. “Mickey Smith. Rose and me grew up together on the Estate, and I’ve been living for the last five years in a parallel universe. Looking to move back home, though.”

Even though Rose had known Mickey would be coming back, she hadn’t let herself hope it would be permanent. The life she could see in the future was almost too good to be true.

“Are you really?” she asked.

Mickey nodded. “Yeah. So’s your family, if we can get through this day without the universe ending.” He glanced at Jenny. “Promise me you’ll let me watch when you tell Jackie she’s a gran.”

Rose’s smile faltered. She honestly hadn’t considered that aspect of seeing her mother again, and suddenly, some of her excitement faded.

“Maybe we could just—”

Before she could suggest they not tell Jackie the full truth, an electrical pulse hummed around the TARDIS and the power went out, plunging them into darkness.

oOoOoOoOo

“Hang on,” Sarah Jane said, stepping back from Jackie Tyler. She’d seen enough in the last year to not just trust something with a familiar face—especially when it wasn’t where it belonged. “Rose said you’d been taken to a parallel universe.”

Jackie held up a yellow disk. “We came back with these things, to help Rose and the Doctor.”

The muscle in Pete’s jaw tightened, and Sarah Jane had a feeling it hadn’t been his idea for Jackie to join him. She bit back a smile; it seemed Rose had a lot in common with her mother.

“The walls between the worlds are supposed to be closed,” he explained quickly. “But whatever is happening here has caused them to break down—and it’s been rippling forward in time. We’ve been able to jump back and forth for almost a year now.”

Sarah Jane looked at Jackie and Pete Tyler. That made as much sense as anything ever did when the Doctor was involved.

“Right. Thank you for the rescue, but we don’t have time to stand here talking,” she said briskly. “According to Mr. Smith, the TARDIS should be just around the corner. Come on.”

Pete and Jackie slid their teleports into their pockets, then Pete slung his weapons over his shoulder. The three of them jogged quietly down the street, carefully hiding behind trees and vehicles to stay out of sight of any patrolling Daleks.

When they reached the corner, they concealed themselves behind a van and slowly crept forward. Sarah Jane’s stomach clenched when she saw four Daleks watching as the TARDIS, wrapped in a column of blue light, was pulled off the ground.

“Transferring TARDIS to the Crucible,” intoned one of the Daleks.

“Those teleport things,” Sarah Jane hissed. “Can we use them? If they’ve taken the Doctor to the Dalek spaceship, then that’s where we need to be.”

“Thing is,” Pete said, “they aren’t just teleports. They’re dimension hoppers, and they rip a hole in the fabric of space every time we use them.”

Sarah Jane rolled her eyes. The last bit of her doubts regarding the couple were gone; she’d been around long enough to recognise when someone was parroting what the Doctor had told them.

“But can we use them?” she pressed. If the Daleks won and the universe ended, would it matter if the fabric of space got a little buggered up in the process?

“Not yet,” Pete answered. “It burns up energy. Needs half an hour between jumps.”

Sarah Jane nodded once. There was only one thing left to do then. “Then put down your guns.”

“Excuse me?” Pete asked indignantly.

“If you’re carrying a gun, they’ll shoot you dead.” She stepped out of the safety of their hiding spot and held up her hands. “Daleks, I surrender.”

Four eyestalks swivelled to look at her. “All humans in this sector will be taken to the Crucible,” a Dalek announced.

Sarah Jane tensed as she waited to see what the Tylers would do. She could hear lowered voices arguing behind her, then Jackie spoke up.

“And us. We surrender.”

Sarah Jane watched Jackie step out of the shadows, her hands held up. She held her breath, waiting for Pete Tyler. He couldn’t stay hidden—Jackie had given him away by using a plural.

A moment later, Pete groaned and said, “Yeah, all right. We surrender.”  

“You will all be taken to the Crucible!”

The Daleks herded them into a group with other humans, all wide-eyed and shaking in terror. They stood in a huddle in the middle of the street with their arms over their heads, waiting for what came next.

Then the same blue light that had surrounded the TARDIS swirled around them, and within seconds, the London street was replaced by familiar-looking architecture. Sarah Jane looked around at the Crucible and shook her head; apparently, the Daleks hadn’t updated their interior decorating in the years since she’d last encountered them.

oOoOoOoOo

As soon as she got off the phone with Jack, Martha picked up the Project Indigo backpack and shrugged the straps over her shoulders, adjusting and tightening them until they sat right. “Now Jack’s explained the base code, I know how this teleport works,” she told her mum, who stood right behind her. She frowned. “I think.”

She looked at her mum, biting her lip nervously, and tried for a reassuring smile. “But you just stay indoors. There’s no Daleks on this street. You should be all right. Just er, keep quiet,” she mumbled as she walked away from her mother, trying to find a bit of open space.  

“But where are you going?” her mum asked.

Martha heard the panic in her voice and and hated herself for sending her mother right back to her worst nightmare. Francine had never fully accepted her work, always hoping she would find something safe at a civilian hospital instead. Working for UNIT reminded her too much of the year on the Valiant, and she was constantly worried Martha would be killed.

But Martha loved her job. She loved making a difference, and she wouldn’t stop now, not even to make her mother more comfortable. She clenched her fists at her side and set her jaw.

“I’m a member of UNIT, and they gave me the Osterhagen Key. I’ve got to do my job.” Her mum lunged for her, and Martha held up a hand to stop her. “I’m sorry.”

“Martha,” her mum pleaded. “What’s an Osterhagen Key? Tell me. What does it do?”

Martha shuddered at the knowledge. She wouldn’t burden her mum or anyone else with that. “Love you,” she said. Then she pulled the ripcords and gasped as she felt the air squeeze around her.  

Space widened out an interminable amount of time later, and a pinprick of light solidified into a forest. Martha landed hard on her bum, then scrambled to her hands and knees when she heard a harsh, robotic voice only a few dozen yards away.

“Exterminieren! Exterminieren!”

Martha blinked. I made it to Germany, then.

“Halt! Sonst werden wir Sie exterminieren! Sie sind jetzt ein Gefangener der Daleks!”

She jumped up and jogged through the trees until she could look down a small hill and see a formation of four Daleks—standard patrol formation, she remembered from reading UNIT files—floating through the forest.

“Exterminieren. Exterminieren.”

Martha let out a breath when she confirmed they were going the opposite direction of her destination, then she took off running.

oOoOoOoOo

In the eerie glow of the emergency lights, the Doctor and Rose turned to the console. “What’s going on?” Rose whispered as they pulled the monitor around.

But it was blank, which they should have expected given the power loss. While they were still staring at it, the TARDIS shifted beneath their feet.

Rose grabbed the console and looked around the room. “They’ve got us.”

The Doctor nodded, turning to instrument readouts that didn’t depend on primary power. “They’ve caught us up in some kind of chronon loop, which explains why the power is gone, too.”

“But where are they taking us?” Jenny asked.

“There’s a massive Dalek ship at the centre of the planets,” Jack explained. “They’re calling it the Crucible. Guess that’s our destination.”

Donna looked at the Doctor. “You said these planets were like an engine. But what for?”

The Doctor leaned on the console and narrowed his eyes at Mickey. “Mickey, you’ve been in a parallel world. That world’s running ahead of this universe. You’ve seen the future,” he emphasised. “What was it?”

Mickey crossed his arms over his chest. “It’s the darkness.”

“You told me the stars were going out,” Rose agreed.

Mickey frowned at her, and the Doctor shook his head quickly. “Alternate timelines, things that only happened in dreams… it’s a long story, Mickey. But is that true?”

“Well, yeah.” Mickey looked like he wanted to ask more questions, but after a moment, he shrugged and looked at the Doctor. “We looked up at the sky and they were just dying. Going out, one by one. And we met a few trans-dimensional species who told us it wasn’t just our world—it was all of reality.”

The Doctor shoved his hand through his hair. “All of reality,” he muttered. “Blimey.”

“Yeah, exactly,” Mickey agreed. “That’s when we got a team of scientists together to take the old dimension hoppers and turn them into a dimension cannon that could send me back here, to get you and see if you could help. We knew we needed you, but we wanted to make the trip with as little damage to the multiverse as possible.” His lips thinned and the glint in his eyes hardened. “But when I started jumping, I realised it didn’t matter anymore. It was all dying—even the Void.”

The Doctor rubbed his hand over his mouth. If the Void was dying, that explained how travel between the parallel worlds was possible.

Mickey looked over at Rose. “And then it started happening,” he said.

“What?” Rose took a step towards him. “What started happening?”

“The same two words, in every world I landed on.”

Rose tensed.

“Bad Wolf,” she said in unison with Mickey.

Mickey nodded. “Yeah. I figured… I figured it was a message from you to keep going. Like you said before, a message to lead me here. Bad Wolf here, Bad Wolf there.” He hesitated. “But if you had a dream about something that didn’t even happen…”

The console beeped, and the Doctor bent over to look at the monitor, trying to ignore the hollow feeling in his stomach at the mention of Bad Wolf. A red dot flashed at the centre of the planetary configuration. “The Dalek Crucible,” he said. “All aboard.”

There was a clang when they landed, as if they were on a metal surface. Everyone on board looked towards the door, and they could all hear the Daleks outside.

“The TARDIS is secured.”

“Doctor, you will step forth or die.”

The Doctor stuck his hands into his pockets, and the tension in his back pulled his suit jacket tight across his shoulders. “We’ll have to go out. Because if we don’t, they’ll get in.”

Rose’s jaw dropped—the TARDIS was supposed to be impregnable! But before she could remind him that he’d once promised the hordes of Genghis Khan couldn’t get through those doors, she understood what he didn’t want to say out loud. These Daleks were strong enough to get in. Their only chance of survival was to obey… for now.

But no one else had that insight. “I thought nothing could get in unless you let them!” Donna argued, her voice going up a few octaves.

“You’ve got extrapolator shielding,” Jack pointed out helpfully.

The Doctor turned slowly and looked at this group, the closest thing he’d had to a family in… in centuries, really. He hated that he had to explain to them why they were no longer safe in the TARDIS, the way he’d always promised they would be.

He shrugged his shoulders and sighed. “The Daleks we fought on the Game Station were scavengers and hybrids, and mad. But this is a fully-fledged Dalek Empire, at the height of its power. Experts at fighting TARDISes—they can do anything.” He gestured at the door behind him. “Right now, that wooden door is just wood.”

Rose walked over to the console and pressed her hand to it, and the Doctor could feel them talking. It was something that had been happening more often since the Library. Yes, and that’s not concerning in the slightest, he told himself sarcastically. He still remembered how Rose had looked, facing down the Vashta Nerada. And he had his own suspicions on how the TARDIS had come to them, suspicions he refused to voice.

It was tempting to ask Rose if she could see anything in the timelines that he couldn’t. The tiny motes of golden dust he still saw refused to coalesce into anything solid, but he had a feeling Rose had a clearer picture of what was happening than he did. On the other hand, he wasn’t sure he wanted his suspicions confirmed.

He rubbed his hand over his face, trying to find another way out of the situation. Hang on, how did Jack and Mickey find us in the first place?

“Unless…” he said slowly, looking at his friends. “You both teleported to that street. I don’t suppose either of you could teleport out of here?”

His gaze darted from Jack to Jenny. Despite the disaster in the Library, it was still his fatherly instinct to get his daughter to safety if at all possible.

But Jack and Mickey both shook their heads. “Mine needs another twenty minutes to recharge,” Mickey told him.

“Yeah, and mine went down with the power loss,” Jack added.

Of course it had—because a chronon loop by nature would interfere with the workings of a Vortex Manipulator.

Jenny crossed her arms over her chest. “And besides,” she said, sounding just like Rose, “if you think I’m going to let you send me away again…” She tilted her chin defiantly, and the Doctor gave up.  

Mickey snorted. “You’re Jackie Tyler’s granddaughter, all right.”

Jenny offered him an uncertain smile, then stepped forward and put her hand on the Doctor’s arm. “So, it’s like you said, right Dad? The only way out is through?”

The Doctor swallowed hard. “Yep, exactly.” He bobbed his head, trying to look upbeat. “All of us together.” Everyone nodded, except for Rose, who was still talking to the TARDIS. “Rose?”

She didn’t move, and his concern deepened. He stepped around their friends and carefully put a hand on her shoulder, calming her telepathically when she jumped. “We can’t stay here, love.”

Rose felt the warm pulse of the TARDIS beneath her palm. She knew they didn’t have anywhere to hide, but somehow… she could hardly bear to pull her hand away from the ship. The ship’s song beckoned to her and pulled her in. This was where she needed to be.

But when the Doctor reached for her hand, Rose sighed and lifted it herself, sticking both her hands in her pockets. A frown appeared between his eyebrows, but she knew… holding hands right now would only make everything worse. It was next to impossible to hold any thoughts back from him when they were touching.

Now, if only she knew exactly what she was keeping from him.

The Doctor sighed and rested his hands on her shoulders, brushing his thumbs over the blue leather of her coat. “I don’t want to leave her either,” he whispered. “But there’s nothing else we can do.”

His resignation hurt, and Rose winked and shot him a cheeky smile, hoping to cheer him up. “Guess it’s time for the Stuff of Legend to go to work.”

It worked. The Doctor chuckled at her reference, and when he turned and led the way to the door, there was a slight bounce in his step that had been missing since they’d talked to Davros.

Rose allowed her smile to fade as he walked away. The words of the albino servant echoed in Rose’s mind. It must be you.

The grating voices of the Daleks filled the TARDIS again, shaking her out of her reverie.

“Surrender, Doctor, and face your Dalek masters.”

“Crucible on maximum alert.”

The Doctor turned around at the base of the ramp. Rose leaned against a strut as he looked at all of them, letting his gaze settle on each one of them individually for a few moments. She watched, with a faint sense of detachment, while they all tried to gear themselves up to go out to face the Daleks.

He drew a deep breath and looked at the group of people that had become their family. “Before we go out there, I just wanted to say… You’ve been brilliant, all of you.” His gaze landed on Jenny. “I’m sorry we couldn’t see more planets together, Jenny. And Donna.” He sighed. “I hope you know how brilliant you are.” He nodded at Jack and Mickey. “I’ve teased and heckled you both, but you need to know that there is no one else I’d rather have at my side as we face an army of Daleks.”

He looked up at Rose, and the wistful smile on his face made her throat tight. “Rose Tyler.” You, love… Whatever happens today, whether our forever ends, or if we somehow manage to save the day, don’t forget that I will never regret a single thing about our life together.

Rose nodded. I love you, Doctor. For as long as our forever lasts.

His Adam’s apple bobbed. “Blimey,” he muttered, then he turned around sharply and pulled the door open.

Rose watched as he exited the TARDIS, Jenny right behind him. Normally, it would feel wrong to let him go off to face the Daleks without her at his side, but today, the song of the TARDIS soothed her concerns. She felt her lips curl in a small smile as she leaned on the railing at the base of the ramp.

Outside the ship, the Daleks started chanting again, sensing victory at hand. “Daleks reign supreme. All hail the Daleks!”

The grating cheer woke Rose up from the daze the song had lulled her in to, and she pushed off from the railing, intent on following them. Ahead of her, Donna and Jack followed the Doctor and Jenny out of the Crucible, and Rose put her left foot on the ramp.

But each step felt like she was walking through treacle, and she stopped only halfway up the ramp. Mickey was at the door now, and he shot Rose a glance over his shoulder before stepping out of the ship. You coming, babe? it said.

When Rose hesitated, the TARDIS song crescendoed in her ears, nearly drowning out the sound of the Daleks claiming they reigned supreme. It was like… like a siren’s song, and even though she knew the myth of the sirens, the call of the music still pulled at her.

Rose shook her head and kept walking. Who knew what the Daleks would do to her if she stayed in the TARDIS? Better to do as they said, for now. And then the Doctor and I can figure out how to stop them, together, she promised herself. The stuff of legend, remember?

The wilder rendition of the TARDIS song that she’d heard at the Shadow Proclamation poured over Rose as she approached the door. A foot away, she finally remembered where she’d heard it before, or more precisely, when.

She stopped and looked back at the console. Maybe today wouldn’t be another saga of the Stuff of Legend. Maybe today another legend would gain a new chapter.

oOoOoOoOo

“Daleks reign supreme. All hail the Daleks!”

In the Crucible, the Doctor stared at the thousands of Daleks swarming above them. He recognised the size and shape of the Dalek holding court—it was the Supreme Dalek. There was no way they were going to get out of this. He had any number of tricks up his sleeve, but as his oldest nemesis, the Daleks knew them all.

“Behold, Doctor,” the Supreme Dalek said. “Behold the might of the true Dalek race.”

And there it was. A shiver in the timelines, the tiniest glimpse of a moment when maybe, not everything was hopeless. The Doctor looked around for Rose, to see if she’d felt it too, and he realised she still hadn’t left the TARDIS.

His empty hand twitched at his side, looking for hers. You need to join us, Rose, he told her. I know you hate to leave her, but you’ll be no safer in there.

In answer, the TARDIS doors slammed shut. If the Doctor hadn’t known their ship would never put Rose in danger, he would have thought she’d closed the doors herself. He pivoted and ran for the ship, determined to force his way back inside. But the doors wouldn’t budge.

A moment later, serene calm brushed against his mind. Don’t, love, she told him. This is where I need to be. She always takes us where we need to go, after all.

“Oh, no you don’t,” he growled at his ship, grabbing the handles and rattling the doors. “You are not going to use a ridiculous line like that to convince Rose to stay in there!”

His TARDIS and his bond mate were both absolutely content with the course of events, but the Doctor refused to accept it. He looked over his shoulder at the Supreme Dalek. If the TARDIS wasn’t behind this, it must have been the Daleks.

“What did you do?!” he yelled.  

“This is not of Dalek origin,” the Supreme Dalek denied indignantly.

The Doctor reached for his sonic screwdriver, then ground his teeth together when he remembered he’d left it in his coat, which was still in the TARDIS.

He wheeled around and glared at the Supreme Dalek. “Stop it! She’s my wife,” he said, knowing he wasn’t telling them anything they didn’t know. Thanks to the path web, every Dalek they met would recognise Rose as his wife. “Now open the door and let her out.”

“This is Time Lord treachery,” the Supreme Dalek intoned.

The Doctor snorted. “Me? Do you think I’d leave Rose behind?” He gestured wildly at the TARDIS. “The door just closed on its own!”

The Supreme Dalek’s eyestalk seemed to flash smugly. “We have the Doctor’s mate trapped in the Doctor’s TARDIS.”

“What are you going to do?” the Doctor demanded, his stomach clenching in knots.

“The TARDIS is a weapon and it will be destroyed.”

A metallic clang echoed in the room, and the Doctor spun and watched in horror as a trapdoor opened beneath the TARDIS. He took a half step towards the ship, but it slid through the opening before he could reach it.

Rose!

oOoOoOoOo

“Behold, Doctor. Behold the might of the true Dalek race.”

The menace in his voice was almost enough to pull Rose outside to stand with the Doctor. And yet… what could she accomplish on the Crucible, surrounded by what sounded like thousands of Daleks?

Thousands of Daleks.

Rose turned away from the door and looked around the console room. She’d stood in this room before, when the Doctor had faced the Daleks and thought he was going to die. Although he hadn’t fully given up today, it was obvious he didn’t have much hope in any of the ideas that were floating around in his head.

The song in her head beckoned her forward, and she took a step towards the console. Maybe…

She hesitated for a moment when the Doctor called for her over the bond. You need to join us, Rose, he told her. I know you hate to leave her, but you’ll be no safer in there.

Even as she considered turning around and leaving the TARDIS, the door swung shut. Anger and panic slammed into her over the bond, and she could hear the Doctor’s footsteps outside the ship as he ran to the doors and started pounding on them.

But the TARDIS song was louder now, and Rose knew this was where she needed to be. She jogged up the ramp and pressed her hand to the door. The blue wood was all that kept their palms from touching.  

Don’t, love, she told the Doctor, projecting the calm that had washed over her the moment the doors shut. This is where I need to be. She always takes us where we need to go, after all.

She heard the handle rattle a moment later, and knew he had not accepted her explanation. “You are not going to use a ridiculous line like that to convince Rose to stay in there!” he shouted at the TARDIS as he pulled on the door.

Rose took a breath, then walked away from the door, ignoring the urge to continue soothing him. She couldn’t stand by the door all day and assure him she was fine.

The Doctor panicked when he sensed her walking away from him. “What did you do?!” he yelled.  

The Supreme Dalek refused to take responsibility. “This is not of Dalek origin.” Rose agreed—the TARDIS had kept her here, so they could save everyone.

Something was coming. There was a charge in the air making the hairs on her arm stand up, and Rose settled onto the jump seat to wait for the signal that it was time to begin.

Outside, the Doctor was still arguing with the Supreme Dalek. Rose wanted to tell him it was pointless—even if she weren’t exactly where Time wanted her, the Daleks would never give in to his sentimental plea to let her go.

A moment later, she felt her stomach lodge itself in her throat when the TARDIS suddenly dropped. Rose! The Doctor cried out, his panic cutting through the vibrating timelines. She could see what had happened in his mind’s eye—a trap door had opened under the ship, sending it plummeting into the heart of the Crucible.

“Allons-y,” she said under her breath. Then she grabbed onto the edge of the seat and held tight.

oOoOoOoOo

The Doctor ran to the edge of the trap door and stared down the empty shaft, straining for a glimpse of the TARDIS. His hearts thumped wildly in his chest as he imagined all kinds of danger that could be waiting for Rose at the end of her fall.

Rose! Can you get to the controls and fly her out of there? I know the Daleks would figure out that you’d escaped, and they’d probably pull you right back to the Crucible, but at least you’d still be alive. He rubbed his hands over his face when she didn’t answer. Please, at least tell me you’re all right.

In response to his panic, he felt a phantom pressure on his hand, and he returned Rose’s embrace desperately. We’re fine, Doctor. Stay calm. I promise, this is not how our forever ends.

The Doctor took a deep breath. He still couldn’t see the timelines, but he could feel them moving close to a temporal tipping moment. Maybe Rose was right. Maybe this was supposed to happen. They’d certainly gotten enough warnings in the last few months that Bad Wolf would be coming back…

That left one thought, crystal clear. If this was all part of a plan, he couldn’t let on—not to anyone. The Daleks had to believe he thought Rose was dead.

He turned back around and ran towards the Supreme Dalek. It wasn’t hard to call upon the anger he knew the Daleks would expect of him. Even if Rose and the TARDIS were right and this had to happen, the Daleks had still tried to kill her.

“What are you doing? Bring her back!” he shouted. The adrenaline left by the close call put an edge in his voice. “What have you done? Where will that take her?” he demanded, gesturing at the empty spot the TARDIS had stood.

“The Crucible has a heart of Z-neutrino energy,” the Supreme Dalek pronounced smugly. “The TARDIS will be deposited into the core.”

The Doctor’s hearts stopped and he stumbled back a few steps. “But you can’t.” He shook his head rapidly. “You’ve taken the defences down. It’ll be torn apart!” Without shields, the TARDIS would disintegrate in those kind of surroundings. It wouldn’t matter that Rose was there to fly her.

Just imagining the excruciating pain gave the Doctor vertigo. His stomach attempted to rebel against the sensation, and even though he managed to not throw up, he still swayed on his feet. The eddy of timelines spinning around them didn’t make it any easier to keep his breakfast down, and he was grateful when Jenny reached for his hand.

“Dad, Mum is still in there,” she whispered. “What will happen if…”

He shook his head, unable to answer, and Jenny stifled a cry.

“Let her go!” Jack growled.

“The female and the TARDIS will perish together. Observe.”

The Supreme Dalek waved his death ray at something behind the Doctor, and as he turned around, letting go of Jenny’s hand in the process, a view screen opened up. The TARDIS was floating in a pool of yellow energy, and even in this pixelated depiction, he could tell the windows had shattered, or would soon. The entire console room would be flooded with Z-neutrino energy. Rose would die.

“The last child of Gallifrey is powerless—as is your mate.”

Rose was fine, but for how much longer? The Doctor turned on the Daleks, his voice tight with fear. “You can’t do this. She’s… I…” He swallowed hard, his chest heaving as he considered the kind of death that awaited Rose if something didn’t happen. “Put me in her place,” he suggested, ignoring the sharp smack of Rose’s anger when she heard that idea. “You can do anything to me. I don’t care—just get my wife out of there!”

oOoOoOoOo

The TARDIS’ downward spiral into wherever they were going was the worst flight Rose had been on since they’d accidentally fallen into a parallel universe. Her pilot’s instincts were screaming at her to get up, to stop her ship from crashing, but the TARDIS hummed a warning when she tried to stand up.

With a sort of detached realisation, Rose saw herself, hands wrapped around the edge of the jump seat, wearing her new blue coat with her hair around her shoulders. The picture unlocked the memory of her earlier visions, and she knew. The moment was almost here. She was right where she needed to be.

She dug her fingers more deeply into the worn suede upholstery.

The Doctor was begging her fly the TARDIS, to forget about subterfuge and get herself to safety. Rose shook her head  and settled in for the ride, then she ran a soothing touch over the bond.

We’re fine, Doctor. Stay calm. Timelines glittered around her, and she loved the variety of lives they could have from this point on. I promise, this is not how our forever ends.

He wavered for a moment, but then his emotions stabilised. His resolve solidified, and she caught a hint of his plan—to feign fear and anger so hopefully, the Daleks wouldn’t catch wind of what she was doing until it was too late.

Rose barely had time to thank him for trusting her when she felt a spike of genuine fear—no, of terror. Seconds later, the rapid descent of the TARDIS stopped, and she suspected that knowledge of their destination had driven the Doctor’s fear this time.

The roundels in the walls burst inward, filling the console room with painfully bright light. Despite her utter confidence in Time, Rose felt a natural surge of fear as their ship started to fall down around her head.

In the midst of the console room on fire, a different kind of golden light rose from one of the console panels. Staring at the light, Rose could almost hear the TARDIS, calling her forward.

She’d seen this in her visions, too. The console room filled with fire, and her own hand reaching for the console. It was all happening exactly as she’d seen. Rose stood slowly and took a step towards the TARDIS, obeying the call she trusted more than anyone but the Doctor.

The TARDIS shifted under her feet and she nearly fell to her knees again. Fear shot through her, the fear that she might be wrong, or that even if she were right and this was what she needed to do, it wouldn’t work.

She took another step and reached for the bond at the same time, wanting a moment with the Doctor just in case this actually was the end for them. But when the connection was made, instead of feeling the Doctor’s warm embrace, she heard him begging the Daleks to be put in the TARDIS in her place.

Her anger was swift and sharp. Being in the TARDIS during whatever was about to happen had been her choice. What was more, it had to be her. He couldn’t handle whatever was coming.

The TARDIS was still pulling her forward, and she decided to ignore his overprotectiveness for now. They could argue about it later, after they were safe and back home.

All thoughts of arguing were driven from her mind when she saw what the TARDIS had been trying to show her. A few feet to her right, a panel on the console glowed with golden light. Rose stared at it. She knew that light, and she knew this part of the ship. Directly below this panel rested the heart of the TARDIS and all the power of the Time Vortex.

The TARDIS rocked violently, and this time, Rose couldn’t maintain her balance. She hit the floor, hard. The grating bit into her palms, and she ducked her head when more roundels shattered, sending glass flying through the air.

Light caught her eyes again. Rose looked up slowly. Wisps of golden light seeped out from the heart of the TARDIS. Her fingers itched, and she yearned to open it up again and stare into Time.

But she’d promised the Doctor after the Valiant that she wouldn’t do that again. It had killed her the first time, and despite her personal confidence that she would regenerate, if there was another route she could take, she didn’t want to put her life at risk.

The song urged her to look up, to stand again. Rose carefully got to her feet, using the console to steady herself. The glowing panel was right there, and she knew what she needed to do. She couldn’t look into the heart, but she could touch the TARDIS’ soul.

She slowly moved her hands towards the panel. The Bad Wolf theme she’d been hearing all day surrounded her, and for a moment, the world narrowed to nothing but herself and the TARDIS.  

She touched the panel, and a second later, her head tipped back as she felt another consciousness merge with her own. Typically, that sensation would be terrifying, but this time, she knew the other mind almost as well as she knew her own and the Doctor’s.  

Rose smiled and welcomed the TARDIS into her mind.

oOoOoOoOo

The Doctor stared at the Supreme Dalek, his chest heaving with the desperate need to do something to save Rose. Before he could lunge across the room at the Dalek and get himself killed, something tickled at his telepathic centre.He brushed it off, but then it grew stronger.

The Doctor had to press his lips together to hold back a gasp when he realised what he was feeling. The bonds connecting him to the TARDIS and to Rose had just twisted themselves into one cord—still two filaments, but for now, at least, they were completely entwined.

The Bad Wolf had created herself once more.

AN: Look for the next chapter on February 13th.

[mllemusketeer]

How I Met Jazz

I just finished a fuckton of awful grading. Have the next installment of the self-insert ‘verse. One day, I may even start posting this on Ao3....

So the story of how I, nerd by day, supernerd by night, wound up with Autobot protection ought to be told. Or at least part of it. It was mostly due to The Paper That Made Everyone Hate Me.

First of all, due to a series of increasingly implausible incidents, I published a paper that pissed off Megatron, bewildered Optimus, and enraged Ratchet—and my advisor, and a bunch of people in my field. Long story short, the field of bioethics is not a placid lake. Tempest in a teapot is closer to it. Tempest in a teapot with laser guns, now.

Technically, due to confidentiality and all, when a paper is in-press, people don’t share it widely; the reviewers aren’t supposed to chat about what they’re reviewing. But the journal I submitted the thing to has a digital submission portal and doesn’t take paper submissions, and anything digital, Jazz tells me, is something that Soundwave can get into. Nevermind that whatever system sent the paper to the reviewers may have been less secure than might be hoped.

Which I really wish I’d known to start with. Because the result was, about three weeks before I was supposed to find out whether the thing had been accepted or not, Megatron found out about the paper. A paper in which I’d quoted him. For which I’d interviewed him (long story, blame Sam Whitwicky, because who else). And blew a gasket.

So toward the end of June, when everything is just beginning to get unbearably hot and tempers (human and Cybertronian) are starting to fray, it comes to Optimus Prime’s attention that one of the human graduate students loosely associated with NEST (I’d gotten a base pass, very restricted, written and had the protocols for my research approved—just interviews, all temporary, had started the research proper, but was a significantly less august personage than the interns responsible for getting Starbucks) was getting Decepticon death threats. He wasn’t pleased. Never mind that Ratchet apparently was Reviewer #2 (no, you’re not supposed to find these things out, but since when has Ratchet been observant of rules when it doesn’t suit him? The answer, according to Jazz, is never...) on the paper, and was as about as delighted as Megatron about said paper. He was all too happy to give Prime the rest of the details, which, again, you’re not supposed to do. But there aren’t really rules for how to apply this when someone is at risk of becoming paté, so he got away with it.

From my perspective, it looked like this:

6 am on my fucking birthday: Decepticon death threat regarding the paper. Cell phone, email to every email address I owned, tumblr message, facebook message, twitter, everything. At the same goddamn time. Somehow overrode all the silent modes on my devices. My room was a hellstorm of cheery binging, beeping and clicking for about three minutes. That was worse than the stated intention to turn me into paste, really.

6:10 am to 11: contact advisor about what to do about death threat, chew fingernails, get very useless email back, shrug, contact police and the NEST representative, go teach class because lab won’t wait for death threats, and I am quite literally more scared of my lab coordinator than Megatron. Megatron doesn’t write my paychecks. I am a grad student and have fucked-up priorities, okay?

11 am: Get contacted by Optimus fucking Prime about the fucking paper (spot where my morning went to shit/off the rails. Base pass does not equal even seeing Optimus Prime. I was too far down the food chain for that.)

11:10 am: Get picked up by a bunch of really buff guys in a humvee, one of whom starts explaining the situation to me as if I’m four, come on dudes, I’m a grad student not an idiot…okay, fine, actually those things are the same.

12:35 pm: Arrive at Autobot base

12:55 pm: Spend 20 minutes kicking my heels in what looks like an office 40 feet off the ground while people stare at me, have yet to (I think) see an Autobot. (I was wrong, actually; it wasn’t a humvee, it was a Topkick, and it was Ironhide, and that one guy was just pretending to drive, and Ironhide snickered about this for weeks, because that’s absolutely the level of Ironhide’s sense of humor.)

1:00 pm: Call from angry lab coordinator for not showing up to teach lab, try to explain, dude in a suit shows up and offers to take the phone. Since I am now enduring the full blast of an outraged lab coordinator, I comply. It suddenly is a very short phone call. She even apologizes.

1:01 pm: Meet Optimus fucking Prime.

1:30 pm: Have a really excellent talk with Optimus fucking Prime about my paper; he really can learn everything about anything very quickly. Like, in an hour.

2:00 pm: Finish substantially less excellent talk about the fact that me becoming paté is a serious risk, and what the hell did I do? Also, he is a little taken aback I’m not involved more with the Autobot/human research initiative; he thinks I should be much more involved, not just a visitor. It’s a very promising paper, he says, though unnerving.

2:01 pm: Pause.

2:02 pm: Ask Optimus fucking Prime if he could be the co-chair of my committee.

2:03 pm: HE SAID YES.

2:15 pm: SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK SHIT SHIT DID I DO THAT SHIT FUCK DAMMIT WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF I AM REALLY NOT GOOD ENOUGH SHIT FUCK DAMMIT SHIT SHIT SHIT HE’LL HATE MY WRITING SHIT

2:30 pm: FUCK FUCK FUCK GAAAAAH HOW DO I TELL MY ADVISOR

2:45 pm: FUCK FUCK SHIT BUGGER DAMN 

2:50 pm: why do I do this to myself

3:00 pm: Okay he looks like he’s finishing up oh shit did he just ask a question what did he ask quick nod look like you understand

3:00 pm: Wait shit what does he mean, someone to keep an eye on me, am I getting a bodyguard dammit should not have zoned out in front of the new chair of my committee

3:10 pm: Met Jazz.

It didn’t go well.

The discussion between Optimus and Prowl about who it would be best to assign to keep an eye on me took place that morning; Jazz had been told about it about twenty minutes before he met me, and he was not pleased. He had things to be doing. Important, Megatron-irritating things. Babysitting was none of the above.

Besides, that last prank he’d pulled with Sunny and Sides hadn’t really been that bad.

He looked down at me. I looked up at him.

“I’ll leave you two to get acquainted,” said Optimus, and left.

Silence.

“Well,” said Jazz, “I suppose if Bumblebee can manage with Sam…”

I had not met Bumblebee and had no idea what Sam he was talking about at this point, so the sentence made no sense to me. I just stared at him.

“So,” he said, flopping on a pile of shipping containers arranged in a roughly Cybertronian sized chair shape, “what do you do for fun?”

Which was where things really went downhill.

For fun? I stay in and write. Or I go for a walk. Or I cook, or sew. I go camping. I go hiking. I do not, in fact, do basically anything that counts in Jazz’s book as fun. Except swing dancing. Erratically. And badly. But he perked up like nobody’s business when I mentioned it. Going exploring, yes, that was pretty okay, we’d be doing a lot of that if I wanted to come along on his (safer) patrols. Other than that? Nothing.

It’s quite an experience to watch 15ish feet of robot sort of deflate. To be fair, Jazz, though not pleased with the situation, was resolved to make the best of it. But I’d just told him that the best of it wasn’t going to be all that fun. And I was feeling guilty because look, I hadn’t meant to piss the giant destructive robot dictator off, it had just sort of happened. I mean, no one expects giant robot dictators to read the bioethical literature, that’s well outside the job description! I’d not only pissed Megatron off, but I’d chosen literally the most boring way to do it and now this nice big robot was looking at me like I tended to look at iceburg lettuce—with a sort of resigned determination to do what was polite (in my case, eat the flavorless, useless vegetable; in Jazz’s case, interact with someone who seemed to him to be the human equivalent). God. This was going to be horrible and boring for both of us.

We both turned out to be wrong about that, as it turns out. Eventually.