#she deserves to hatecrime him as much as possible

[ash-and-starlight]

modern au and esen’s honkers are haunting the instagram feed

[dissidiawol]

rating every single conceivable possible jose ship in the world

because everyone wants to see this happen

in the format of name: seen it? thoughts?

survivors

doctor: havent seen it. nope. she would be ableist to him.

gardener: havent seen it. she is a lesbian.

lawyer: seen it. i fucking hate you.

thief: if i have seen it ive wiped it from my memory. kill yourself.

magician: seen it. KILL yourself.

kurt: seen it. well definitely not for me but i dont hate it. its uncomfy for me but like as long as theyre having fun :)

merc: seen it. literally wtf are you TALKING about dude.

coord: havent seen it. jose helps coord figure out sexuality and gender identity but nothing more rly.

mechanic: havent seen it. i do not think they would work. also kevin would beat his ass.

forward: havent seen it. forward is so nice and awesome if it did ever happen i couldnt even be mad i trust him.

minds eye: havent seen it. i just cant. well. see it happening.

priestess: havent seen it. i dont think theyd like eachother shes kinda offputting.

perfumer: seen it maybe. hell no dude hell fuckin no are you crazy get the fuck outta here.

dancer: havent seen it. this chara is kinda nothing to me. not his type.

kevin: of course ive fucking seen it. i think its funny when kevin hates joses guts. im not a kevjose believer but im an ally because i have to be in order to survive.

seer: kinda seen it? jose would be like confused but interested in seers whole Thing. unfortunately seer is a little shrimp boy and is more like a household cat than a potential romantic partner

soppy: no. no.

prospector: i have seen this. its ok..

enchantress: hopefully havent seen it. they havent had a single positive interaction in their lives. she has good reason to dislike him and even put a curse on him.

murro: i have now seen this. hes too old for jose there i said it. hes joses uncle friend. they have a familial bond whilst not being related.

acrobat: seen it. i will smash acrobats fingers with a hammer. i will open the floor beneath acrobats feet and make him cling onto a rope for dear life while crocodiles snap at him from below. i will tie acrobat to the roof of my car and drive into a series of signs and lampposts.

jose: weirdly enough i havent seen this one. he hates himself it wouldnt work.

demi: seen it. SLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY.

postman: havent seen it. not his type.

gk: havent seen it. nah. 

luca: unfortunately seen it. sorry folks extremely extremely no way in hell ever thats his lil italian SERBIAN brother. there is no non-brotherly dynamic here.

entomologist: NO. NO.

painter: have seen way too much of it. FUCK you edgar VALDEN. i hope edjose shippers DIEEE.

batter: somehow seen it. um.... no. i dont think its very tasteful.

toymer: havent seen it. idk man naw.

emil: havent seen it. emil deserves a nice slow recovery and a loving healthy relationship and while jose would be there to support him he would not be romantic with him this is what i believe.

lucky guy: havent seen it. joses too old for him. there isnt like a huge age difference just like in spirit and soul. joses a grown man with a job and lucky guy uses deviantart.

ada: havent seen it. he would be like oh shes pretty hot and then hed hear more stuff about her and be like hmmm no nevermind im ok actually.

orpheus: havent seen it. so... hes a survivor now i guess..... um. i dont know man. maybe i could respect it. i like orpheus. i think it could be ok. EDIT: usually when i change my mind i just backspace but i think its funny to keep it like this anyway. anyway i condone this. i might kin orpheus a little bit im not sure but i can get behind this this is fine by me. shame it literally doesnt exist though. EDIT 2: its my goal to make this as long as possible. yeah i kin him now whatever dude. im an orphjose ally shoutout to my oomf id put it at maybe third best jose ship.

little girl: not even entertaining this one

weeping clown: yes... ew....... i hate this dude. mr ableist hatecrime shalt not be allowed anywhere near my man. hes so pathetic in the worst way.

professor luchino: no. i dont really care to think about this rationally i just think he flops super hard.

hunters

qi xi: no. shes a lesbian and she has a girlfriend.

composer: no. why did they make a character whose just like several others hes so useless id rather he didnt exist this isnt even about shipping anymore just Why are you here bro.

alice: no. ud be insane to think id side with anything that isnt alimelly at this point.

leo: havent seen it. nuh uh bro.

smiley face: havent seen it. dude are you fucking kidding me? thats the JOKER.

jack the ripper: havent seen it. jack i will blast you with my flamethrower.

gk deluxe: havent seen it. as much as i love gk i just cant say i see it.

soul weaver: havent seen it. theyre good friends but thats it.

michiko: havent seen it. no way dude.

feaster: unfortunately have seen it. step the fuck back mother fucker im armed. so nasty.

wu chang: seen it. although they didnt do anything Wrong i think hed hold a grudge against them anyway for the whole everything and also i hate it.

joseph: HEHEHEHEHEHEHE. HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE.

mad eyes: no. i will rip all your skin off and glue it back on inside out

dream witch: havent seen it. now hang on. thinks deeply. she might be his type. the fans dont want to hear this but..... the milf appreciator has logged on.

robbie: thats his nephew. thats his little boy.

luchino: havent seen it. lets just say.... heh........ No.

mary: havent seen it. [sweeps your ankles]

bonbon: this is a robot. this is monokuma.

disciple: havent seen it. yeah no. folks if were all being honest here nuh uh.

antonio: havent seen it. jose hates music next question.

galatea: havent seen it. i couldnt say yes to this even if i wanted to.

undead: SHUT. UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP.

funny wheel men: havent seen it. no they hate everyone.

grace: sadly seen it. thats his daughter dude no fucking way.

waxist: no. no.

nightmare: havent seen it. EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.

clerk: no. what?

misc

hermit: no. jose would HATE HIM.

night watch: no. he may be an adult but hes still teenaged to me he would not go out with a 19 year old.

joses old crewmates: i know hes fucked at least one of his crewmates before. i know it i know it i know it.

ME: omg so true best otp together forever