#she fucking TASED XANDER

[babygirlgiles]

I’m sorry, but was no one going to tell me that Dawn Summers, the physical representation of Buffy’s innocence, of Buffy’s innermost vulnerability, just casually carries a Taser? Were none of you going to tell me that?

[tialovestelevision]

The Initiative

Hey! It’s time for the season to actually get a plot, instead of only rumors of one! Yay! 1. Spike getting tased will never get old. Stuck-up bastard. Entertaining stuck-up bastard, but stuck-up bastard. 2. Well, we start with a huge batch of objectification. I like your friends already, Riley! 3. “The girl’s so hot, she’s Buffy.” 4. Forrest made a Star Trek reference in the midst of his objectification train. 5. Buffy’s Slayer-strength broke the ice cream machine. 6. “There’s a sign of good taste.” Oh, Riley, all the very few points you’ve earned so far… going… going… 7. Well, Spike’s not looking too good. How long’s he been without blood? 8. Now he’s behind glass. Electrified… glass? With scientists? Are they scientifically studying vampires? That’s AWESOME. 9. “The latest in fall Fascism.” Huh. Good Xander line. 10. Ah, Giles’s “Xander…” face. My favorite Giles face. 11. They just dropped a blood packet into Spike’s cell. It’s drugged. 12. Spike cares who it is. But now he thinks Buffy turned him into the science prison. 13. Professor Walsh is mean. Like, actively mean. “It’s not my job to coddle my students.” “You’re right. A human being in pain has nothing to do with your job.” 14. Xander has military equipment. 15. Xander’s mom made fruit punch for him and Giles. 16. Riley just punched Parker. He earned it. 17. Wait. Forrest has said grosser things than Parker’s toilet seat bit of horribleness and Riley is still his friend. What is WRONG with these people? 18. Yep. He didn’t punch Parker for saying something terrible about women. He punched Parker for saying something terrible about a woman he wants to fuck. 19. Oh, you stupid, stupid science people. He’s playing possum. And now he’s going to kill you very dead. 20. Well, Spike just got one scientist to tranq another scientist. And has set another vampire free. Then threw that vampire at the commando guys. 21. Riley is in Buffy’s room. He wants to talk to Buffy, but only Willow is home. 22. Willow is hiding Buffy’s weapons. Riley helped her. 23. Willow is not happy at all after Oz left. Riley handled that with grace. 24. “I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone like Buffy before.” Got that right. 25. “I’ve seen honest faces before. They usually come attached to liars.” Wow. Kidney punch, Will. 26. Buffy likes cheese. That’s a start. 27. Oh, it’s Harmony. Spike found her. She slapped him. Wow, he’s a manipulative bastard. 28. Spike wants to kill Buffy. Harmony wants to slap Spike around. 29. Giles and Xander are on patrol. Sorry, Giles. 30. Willow is helping Riley. And threatening him. With a shovel. 31. Wow, he is bad at this. But he remembered the cheese. 32. I also like cheese. Just saying. 33. Now Xander and Harmony are threatening each other. And fighting. Badly. This is hilariously embarrassing. Like, wow. This is wonderful. 34. Xander did get important intel from Harmony. That Spike is back, and trying to kill Buffy. 35. Riley is talking about how badly he did at hitting on Buffy with Willow. 36. They’re playing a Dingoes song. Willow is really extra sad. Riley had them kill the song. Willow is going home and sending Riley to tell Buffy that. 37. Xander found Buffy and killed Riley’s attempts at hitting on Buffy. Forrest thinks Buffy and Xander are off to have sex. They have a retinal scanner. 38. Now they’re in the vampire science lab elevator. They’re the commandos. The commandos are the Initiative. They have quite the base. 39. And Professor Walsh is in charge. Spike is Hostile 17. 40. Hostile 17 escaped before 3 PM. It’s into the night now. Why are they just starting a recovery effort? 41. Xander’s back to his usual. He took a moment to insult Buffy’s interest in Riley. 42. Buffy is out on campus looking for Spike, or hoping Spike is looking for her. But Spike just found where Buffy’s room is. And the Initiative found Buffy. 43. Now Buffy and Riley are trying to get rid of each other so they can hunt Spike. 44. And there’s Spike at Buffy’s room. Where Willow is. Alone. 45. Well, this is uncomfortable. Very rapey. But now Spike is sitting on the end of the bed. He couldn’t bite Willow. 46. So he’s getting splitting headaches when he tries to bite Willow. He’s very angry about that. 47. Okay, this scene is really funny. Like, REALLY funny. It would be funnier if they hadn’t made his first attempt at biting her so rapey, but it’s really funny. 48. “You know, this doesn’t make you any less terrifying.” “Don’t patronize me.” 49. Finding vampires with an infrared camera? Awesome. Using it to look through walls? Pretty sure it just doesn’t work that way… the brick would all be one temperature. 50. And now the Initiative has locked Willow in with Spike. And shut off all the lights. And stormed the dorm. 51. Willow threw herself at the Initiative, which giave Spike a chance to run. But he can’t bite the Initiative either, and they’ve now bagged his head. And he’s broken loose while they were arguing about whether to capture Willow. Buffy showed up and is now attacking the Initiative with a flare gun and fighting them. This gives Spike time to get away. 52. Forrest is after Spike, who just dove out of the building. Buffy’s hand-to-hand with Riley. Riley recognized her and ended the mission, and now the lights are back on. 53. So now we know what happened to Spike. He has an implant that keeps him from hurting living creatures without intense pain. 54. Now Riley is talking to Buffy. He knows she fought him, but she doesn’t know he fought her. 55. Riley is, in fact, peculiar. Overall: They really want me to care about the Initiative and Riley, don’t they? But I don’t. The Initiative is a terrible military group (seriously, writers, do research - you can’t dress characters in camo and have them throw some military jargon around to make me believe they’re an elite commando team) and Riley’s just… bland. I think I’m supposed to see him as… chivalrous?... when he punches Parker, but instead his conversation with Forrest takes all the moral weight from that act and makes it a guy slugging another guy for dissing his girl, when he hasn’t even asked the girl if she’d ever want to self-identify as “his.” They did two very effective scenes with Willow and Spike back-to-back, but each one makes the other not work nearly as well as it does on its own. Spike’s initial attempt to bite Willow is violent and power-gamey and brutally unpleasant to watch, which works given what vampires do, and their conversation afterward linking his inability to bite her to impotence is immensely funny, but putting them together makes it harder to either laugh at the conversation or be scared of the attack. None of this is to say I didn’t enjoy the episode. I did! It was just enjoyable in spite of itself.