#she had this whole Monster Cookie/Man Of A Million Faces love story planned but Luffy already struggled

[gildedmuse]

[Like five people read this original post so here is a way too long follow up.]

This post has been super evil towards me.

So originally was going to write an intro but, you know, never mind that I've had to struggle so much with this post. Also, apologies to @space-windu47 who I accidently sent an unfinished answer to privately and now this thing won't even let me tag. Fine, Tumblr, just keep being difficult.

[Why yes, there will still be horrible fonts with their cheesy names scrawled across this post in neon letters. Thank you for asking.]

Nami's plan is simple: STOP GETTING THEM CHASED OFF OF EVERY ISLAND BY A MOB OF PEOPLE TRYING TO KILL THEM!!!!

How to achieve such an impossible goal? Easy, they'll just make themselves look so beautiful and rich and cool that everyone will immediately love them (and possibly want to give them money to make them look as fashionable in return). What? Why are all of the boys giving her that look!? So far all they've managed to do was have them run off from each and every port they've come across!

Now, Nami will be their fabulous, beautiful, awe-inspiring captain and she will make sure the people of this next town are so mesmerized by them that they would never THINK of firing canons at them (unlike Usopp's plan...) She'll have to dress you lot up of course... her, Robin and Sanji could pass it off but the rest of you... No one is going to believe you're part of the world famous Glamour Pirates with such drab, terrible clothes. Oh, and Sanji,they're going to need a really high quality meal; they need to impress these people. If they look wealthy enough no one will suspect we're they're to rob them! ("But we're not trying to rob them anyway!") That's not the point, it just means they'll be more likely to trust them! Everyone is always trying to be nice to rich people even when they hate their guts. Trust her, Nami has done this before.

Robin: I think it sounds like quite fun. But Navigator-san, won't it be difficult for you to make such an elaborate entrance while guiding the ship?

Hmm.... Robin has a good point.... Not to worry! Nami KNOWS this will work, which means there won't be any real need for a navigator. She'll just be a proper captain and tell the crew where to steer the ship ("Hey! I direct the crew. I told you to head towards that island a few days back!" / "Idiot, that's why we're here.") They'll pull up to the dock, spend however long resetting the logpose, And then be on their way. Nice and calm. They just need someone who is strong enough to handle the ship and....

*looking around at her choices*

Zoro!

Crew: She picked Zoro!?!?

It's fine you guys! Like she said, nothing is going to go wrong, he has to do is stand at the wheel and turn it a few times (besides, what else can she have him do? Him and Luffy will ruin this whole plan if she lets them... Speaking of which, she needs to find something even a child can do to help keep Luffy out of the way....)

In the end the crew break down is as follows:

Nami and Nami "Cat Walk" Gold: Beautiful, Wealthy Model/Fabulous Rich Fashion Icon/Captain

Usopp Yorohiness "Snapshot-King" Uso-san: "Vice Captain" of Production, World Class Photographer, Ex-Arch Duke of West Blue (also, the crew chronicler and look out!)

Robin as Fabuloso "Designer Chic" Robbi: Premiere Fashion Designer of The Grand Line, Designer for Celestial Dragons, Most Wanted Fashionista In All The World. Oh, plus, the designer of our very own Merry!

Sanji as Alhellth "Blue Eyed" (give her a break, she had a lot to plan....) Sanki: Nutritionist, Personal Trainer, Health Expert & Body Upkeep ("what!? My sweet Nami-swan is trusting me to care for her body! I could have never even dreamed of such a gift, oh N-"/"Usopp, which writing do you like better?"/"Eh, the one on the left definitely says rich fashion heiress, but I think it still needs to be more eye-catching."/"I quite agree, Long-Nose-kun. Perhaps something so it can catch the light of the sun?"/"Excellent job you two, the three of us should be able to pull this off no problem!"/"Ah, just look at two such perfect flowers working together to keep us from further danger. I shall take my momentary job as the keeper of your body's shape as-"/"No one is listening to you, Stupid-Brow.") Anyway, the doctor, chef, and All around medical advisor about the Going Gold ("you just called it the Merry! You can't change the name halfway through!")

Chopper as Roi-al "Silky Sweet" Cho-po: Mega Rich South West Prince, ProffesionL Philanthropist, Representative from the kingdom of Cherry-Cherry Realm, Backer of this whole project. He's also, um, an amazing Ambassador! For all the ports we visit!

Luffy: Background Model

Zoro: Helmsman/Body Guard to Miss Nami Gold (all you have to do is stand there looking intimidating in this suit... He's, just like that, perfect! Now just stand around and don't speak or do anything unless someone threatens my safety!) And obviously, the ship's main weapons expert.

Chopper: 🤩 Zoro you look so cool like that!

Usopp: I always knew you were scary, but this look is a whole other level!

Robin: Our Kenshi-san does look particularly good like this, doesn't he?

Luffy: Oye, Naaaami, why do I have to wear these boring clothes?

Nami: Boring!? You would say that after I'd taken the time to find you such a fashionable look.

Luffy: I wanna dress like Zoro! He looks badass!

Nami: *sigh* You know what?

Luffy: Model/Bodyguard

Nami: I mean as long as it keeps him from causing trouble....

Spoiler: It doesn't.

[I know that Love-Love is often the translation of the Mero-Mero No Mi, but it also sounds like random ridiculous English that Sanji would use to name the crew on his turn, okay? Regardless of how this seems, this was actually Sanji's terrible choice, not mine.]

For the record, Sanji thinks Nami's plan was absolutely perfect and he loved it and it's not her fault that Luffy and that Marimo ruined the whole thing (and of course there is no way she could have ever known about that South Blue reporter who now lives on the island.) However, he has decided to take a different approach.

To help the women of this next island, however he can!

Usopp: He's just running around doing whatever they tell him –_–💧

Zoro: At least it keeps him out of the way.

Usopp: Hey, Sanji, you forgot to have us put your name anywhere!

His name and identity are unimportant, lost to the winds of time and love. The beauties of the Sea that they strive to help know him only as -

On'na-Hero

Chopper:💧💧 He's really serious, isn't he?

Usopp: Everyone else is getting a turn, I suppose it's only fair if we follow Sanji's plan while he's captain. 😅

Nami: 😮‍💨 He can't really expect women to call him that, can he?

Robin: *giggle*

Sorry to make you wait, Nami-swan! Robin-chwan! I'll be happy to tell the roles to two vice captain's of my very own heart!

Crew Breakdown:

Sanji: Captain of the Love-Love Pirates, a heroic, masked stranger who shows up at islands and strives to make the lives of the women there as perfect as possible. Followed by a crew of those who have taken vows to help women with their many great abilities (and also Marimo, since they wouldn't let Sanji kick him into the water.... What, he can swim. Water is a marimo's natural home, he'd be fine.) They will travel for miles at the faintest cry for help, will fight navy ships at a lady's command, will take on entire kingdoms rather than see a single tear fall from a women's ("Tch, ero-cook, we get it already. Just tell the rest of us what we're doing so we're not standing here all day!" / "So hungry..." / "So sleepy...." / "How long can he possibly go on like this?" / *Sigh* "We're definitely getting run off another island again...." / *Giggle*)

Nami: Vice-Captain, Navigation ("but Nami is always the navigator!" / "There, there Chopper...." / "Try to be understanding, Cook-san is trying his best for the crew." / "Mm, don't be sad. Sanji just doesn't understand how much fun some ladies have playing Pirate..." / "Hahaha, did he say Navigator!? That's obviously not what he meant because, err....")

😔😔

Chopper: Navigator

😏😌

Nami: Vice-Captain and Future-Guru: she helps all the girls out there unsure of what they will do in the future! Whether it be about money, career, or style as they grow! Nami-swan -

😔😔

Err, Beautiful Future-Swan can figure it all out!

Robin: Vice-Captain / Doctor ("obviously she's the only one left who is intelligent enough to be-" / "Oh, I think I'd much rather be the swordsman, this time around." / "What!? But I mean of course Robin-chwan, you'll be the most beautiful masked swords woman the world has ever known!" / "How do they know her if she's wearing a mask though? 😓" / "It doesn't make much sense. 😅") Beautiful Mask Swordswoman / Love-Guru: No matter how complex the maze that runs through your heart, Beautiful Love can cut straight through to where your prince is waiting on the other side!

Usopp: Ship Doctor / Cupid. That's right, Cupid goes around delivering wonderful gifts for any girl who is lonely or depressed or simply needs a chocolate surprise! For miles off he can spot sign of the slightest blue heart and fires these delectably wrapped bundles of perfectly made chocolate and strawberry tarts to the lady to brighten her day!

Chopper: Navigator / Love Tanuki ("What!?!?!?") He is Love's Lucky Charm! Whatever ales your heart, the Love Tanuki can heal with one sip of his magic potions! ("Chopper, listen. We may be playing pirates, but any woman on that island who needs a doctor, only you can really help you. Do you understand?" / "Mm! *Serious face* You can count on me, captain!")

Luffy: Helmsman (Chopper can't be expected to steer you guys...) / Love Angel: where ever the girl needs to be, Love Angel can take her in a snap!

Zoro: ..... ("I can think of one position that hasn't been filled." / "I have been wondering what we'll do after a long day using up all this energy helping these girls. I'll probably be starving, what about you Robin?" / "Indeed, Navigator-san, after such work they will likely all want nothing more than to come home to a warm meal! But surely Cook-kun will be in town with them all day, helping out with all these poor girls in need of a hero." / "Well, seeing as he hasn't assigned anyone else to be the cook, I guess Sanji-kun won't actually be saving any of the ladies himself." / FINE!) ... Grr... Cook. Marimo can be the cook.

He better not make the two ladies sick with his disgusting grilled fish!

[If you're wondering, Robin let Chopper and Luffy help with drawing the new Jolly Roger, though obviously since she has twice as many hands the majority of it was done by Robin. Oh, the design? No, that was 100% her.]

If she may, Robin would be quite happy to try her hand at captaining.

Zoro: Oy, you know this isn't a game, right? We're trying to get away from these islands without anymore of the ship being blown off....

So serious, Kenshi-san. Of course, Robin has given a lot of thought over the passed nine days to their situation.

Nami: See, Zoro!? I can't believe you're still so cynical about her after everything we've been through. (Besides, her plan can't possibly be worse than Sanji-kun's.....)

Chopper: Mhmm! If Robin says she has a plan to help get us out of here then we should listen! She'll definitely know what to do! (Unlike Sanji....)

Usopp: We should at least give her a chance, Zoro. Robin is super smart (and way smarter than Sanji) so I'm sure she's thought up something great!

Luffy: Plus, there's no way she'll screw up like Sanji did!!!

Sanji: *from the infirmary* We have to go back 💕💕💕 My heart can't take being away from my beloved!

Group: *sigh*

Robin is very grateful for all the faith this crew has placed in her. 😇

Now, they should all start changing into the costumes she's prepared for them....

Crew Registrar for The Last Psychopomp:

Rusalka "The Raven" Raven (Robin): Captain

The Captain of the Pirates of the Shinigami, who has been out sailing the sea for over twenty years in search of the soul of her lost lovers after they were torn from her arms and swept away by a freak hurricane (likely having drowned in the storm, only after hours of having their body tossed around, beaten by the fierce winds to near unconsciousness, though still calling her name through the howling tempest before being dragged beneath the waves and slowly suffocated at last).

Kallippos "Quick-Shot" Shishi (Chopper): Vice Captain, Sharpshooter

Vice-Captain of The Last Psychopomp and the best quick fire in the four blues. He's now come to test himself on the Grand Line, and to make new friends for Minklandia, his home back in East Blue. It's a small, beautiful tropical island filled with Fairy-People like Shishi. He left after promising their president (who is a dachshund whose desk is a giant wicker basket and who always wags his tail when he talks to good boys like Shishi) to make as many new friends for their island as possible!

Princess Victoria of Troimazon: Swordman, Wild Animal Whisperer, Witch Doctor

Born to a royal family, Princess Victoria was only three years old when her father and mother were brutally drawn and quartered before their body parts were displayed to the whole kingdom after their corruption drove the island to starvation and ruin. That might, to spare her from the rioters, her nursemaid dropped her down to the river, where Princess Victoria was saved by a mermaid farmer who brought her home and raised her as her own child. She has been attempting to make amends for her parents sins ever since, learning all the traits a good leader must know such as defense and healing. She hopes to one day return to her land and fulfill all her duties as the princess of Troimazon such as feeding her people, protecting them from evil pirates, keeping their treaty and marrying into the Alabaster Family, and freeing those who have been imprisoned during her exile.

Magellan "Wave-Rider" Clouds (Sanji): Helmsman, Muscian

Born in the North Artic, MagClouds spent his entire life sailing the rough Northern Seas in just a small, handcrafted rowboat. At 12 years old, he was throwing his spear towards a fish when it got caught in the fin of a giant singing whale. The whale pulled him along for miles and miles, and MagClouds could have let you of the rope at any time, but he chose to hold on, wanting to remove the spear from the whale's fin. When the whale finally stopped and he was able to remove the weapon it taught him a song, and whenever MegClouds needs the currents to change, he sings this song to summon the powers of the whale and change the ocean currents. Unfortunately, the whale then left him stranded in the calm Belt, unaware of the boy's plight. He stayed out there for nine days before a marine ship passed and took him on. There he meant the kindly, handsome young lieutenant Greenwood Apollo and his evil scientist father, Blackwood Danse. While Blackwood would spend many years forcing the ever grateful MegClouds to do his bidding, it was Apollo-san who saved his spirits and kept him from simply giving into the darkness of his current situation. It was only when the other boy was assigned to the New World that MegClouds finally abandoned his past savior, setting out to follow Apollo-san to the end of the world.

(Robin will keep some of her notes to herself)

Monster Cookie (Luffy): Cook

Their much loved cook, the boy once ate a strange fruit which allows him to take the nutrition he takes in from food and growing his muscles and limbs at super fast speeds! Thus, his name has long been forgotten the world over as he is only known as the Monster Cook. However, the truth is that their Cookie is a sweet and kind boy who always looks out for others, protecting his friends and anyone else in need. He does have to eat an extraordinary amount to use his powers, though, and so he spends most of his time locked away alone in the kitchen!

Kyoyūshi "Sniper Of The Giants" Usopp: Navigator, Pirate Captain, Prisoner

You may have heard of this unimaginably horrible man. He is a legend around the world, after all, and a known slayer of giants ("That's not what that name means!") The crew had the misfortune of running into him only a few nights ago, and while he was alone - nearby Islanders had killed and ate the others of his crew in a cannibalistic sacrifice - he still managed to dispose of most of those journeying along The Last Psychopomp. This includes their dear, sweet navigator, a young girl of only 14.... ("Robin.... Why???" 😮‍💨💧💧) Since then they have been forcing him to act as their navigator until they can find their way back to familiar territory, at which point they will do the honorable thing and slice each of his ("okay okay! Just move on to Zoro!")

The Man Of A Million Faces (Zoro): Preformer

Zoro: ....

Robin: *smiles*

Zoro: ....

Robin: *smiles*

Robin: I believe with such a colorful and terrifying crew it may be necessary for us to offer the locals some kind of entertainment.

Zoro: *sneer* And what do you want me to do about it?

Robin: I'm sure they'll find something about you to enjoy, Kenshi-san.