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unmatchedtemptress · 2 years

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Chaotic Stranger Things Headcanons because why the fuck not?

Will is the BIGGEST little shit

If Jonathan were to get glasses, Will and Argyle would call him a nerd because they’re mean like that (despite Will being a nerd)

Will stretches like a cat (and Mike may or may not enjoy it because his shirt rides up enough to see his belly)

Animals love Will (he thinks it’s because he smells like Chester but no, he’s just an animal magnet)

Will is super non-threatening however, he could blow up a building if he wanted to (canon)

Brenner throws those bouncy yoga balls at children when they don’t do what he asks (totally not canon, I just find it fucking hilarious)

Will brags about getting more women then Lucas and Dustin despite being gay

Mike and Lucas are type of bros to go into a mall bathroom to make out but like- “no homo”

And Will and Dustin are the type of bros to act like an actual couple “full homo bro”

Lucas is the type of bestie to joke about those “I fucked your mom jokes” and just overall flirt with the rest of the party’s moms

Lucas and Will are like mean girls from the movie “Mean Girls”

Dustin is sick of everyone’s bullshit 24/7

Will is fluent in a few languages and he just yells at homophobes in non-English languages because “wtf could he be saying??!” And they’re scared shitless and Will just- chases them and the party watches from a far

Will “dies” again, but he was really on a vay-cay with a cousin of his and he forgets to tell his mom but he comes back in the middle of the school day, his mom at work and Jonathan at school and there’s this assembly, he goes there dressed up like a damn cowboy and knocks down the door with his boot and yells out “howdy bitches” and hopper is trying not to laugh is ass off

Lonnie falls off a roof while drunk one time and he’s on the news because someone fucking records it and Will and Jonathan see it and almost die of laughter

Lesbian el ❤️💕♥️💗💕💗

Max and Will braid each other’s hair (because I think Will having long hair is amazing)

Mike and Max draw on each other with sharpies whenever the other is asleep

Lonnie being the new and improved “Florida man” (me and Izzy were cracking up too hard with this one)

Max would yell and make fun of her students if she were a teacher

Dustin is a turtle collector, he goes to stores with his friends and he somehow buys a turtle

Max’s favorite word is No

Mike somehow manages to be a golden retriever and a gremlin at the same time

Will, El, and Max make this big cuddle pile

Will and Max have roasting battles (because Will roasts everyone.)

Will is hella fucking sassy

Will enjoys watching horror movies DESPITE living through a literal hell

Will and El give the best hugs and cuddles

Mike gets super fucking whiny when he’s sick

If the party were to all move in together, Dustin would make everyone coffee because he likes pushing the buttons

El hates coffee because it’s too bitter for her, so she just drinks apple juice instead

El steals Jonathan’s camera a lot so she can take pictures of the people she loves most whenever they aren’t looking

Lucas dances weirdly and everyone else just judges him from afar

Everyone (besides el) had a crush on Will at some point because he’s not only cute but he’s also just amazing

Max finds out that Will kissed Mike, Dustin, and Lucas at some point and was just like “yeah! go kiss them losers!”

El LOVES to watch Will do something art related, it’s just so peaceful

Mike gets really good at flirting and really just loses his awkwardness as he grows older

Dustin jokes that he’s gonna say “fuck science, I’ll just be a dumpster driver” a lot when he’s younger but then it actually happens when he’s in college

Steve calls Will “mini byers”

Steve and Will are the best of besties (same with Steve and Dustin but hey, that’s canon)

Steve has the absolute FATTEST crush on Jonathan and rants to Robin, Dustin, and Will because he’s a chaotic bisexual that rants

Nancy is really just a lesbian with internalized homophobia from her stupid ass useless piece of shit dad and tells Steve and Jonathan and they’re both super supportive but they’re both also like “well. that was pointless.”

Robin is in denial with her crush on Nancy

Everyone is gay. No one is straight.

Steve tries using a gun at a monster at some point and he misses every time but he then just throws it at its head like it’ll actually give damage

Steve probably has a daddy kink, whether it’s being called daddy or calling someone (Jonathan) daddy (most likely the second option)

Steve the bisexual king

Will gives everyone rocks and Steve treasures those rocks

Will makes fun of Stonathan but in an affectionate way

Robin laughs like a dying whale, it’s so loud

Mike and Robin are little gremlins together and they annoy Nancy A LOT

Karen adores Will, always has and always will

Steve and Robin make fun of Will for being clumsy

Will makes fun of his trauma and has dark humor

Every time robin walks into the room, someone makes a joke about the Red Robin thing “Red Robin, Yummm”

Robin is the chill lesbian while Nancy is the sassy lesbian

Nancy is unbelievably supportive

After getting to know Robin, Nancy actually starts to open up quite a bit, like she starts to joke more often, she starts getting less serious about things, and she really starts to get out of her shell (she just needed that little push to let her know that it’s ok to not be normal)

Mike makes Nancy get all the spider in the house because he’s too much of a cry baby to do it himself

Mike and Nancy make fun of each other’s crushes on Will and Robin but in a sweet sibling way

Mike popped his nutsack when he was 12 years old and had to go to the hospital (no one lets him live it down)

Mike made cheese as fuck pick up lines towards Will when they were freshmen in high school

Jonathan may be good at cooking but he’s a terrible baker

Jonathan care so much about his family; Joyce and Will, and Steve just adores him for it

Holly loves Will to death

Will and Jonathan being sweet protective siblings and caring for each other to the ends of earth but that doesn’t mean that they don’t make fun of each other

Hopper has the biggest soft spot for Joyce omg

And Joyce sees everyone as her children; Will, Mike, Dustin, Max, Lucas, El, Steve, Robin, Nancy, Jonathan, and Argyle

Argyle loves nothing more than weed

Argyle is just one high bitch 24/7

Dustin is Argyles favorite because he just finds Dustin funky but in the cool type of way

Will is confident as fuck

Elmax are the chillest couple of them all, they just cuddle and make fun of everyone

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