#she hasn't tried to log in yet but i can only hope she can manage that and take over the website from here

[guinevereslancelot]

the problem with completing tasks for money is not the task. it's dealing with the person who needs you to do the task in the first place

[royadventures]

march 20th, 2022--1:22am and struggling to write poetry

previous log

before i write how these past 3 or 4 days have been, let me explain my song choice ^-^ it's long, so feel free to skip past it~

recently, an old friend of mine, who i'll call Han for now, reached out to message me. i haven't seen her since 2019.. anyways long story short, i think her finding out that i'm in korea prompted the text. she briefly thanked me for being a good friend to her back when i lived in england (she's from there and i lived there for a period of time). i think that was something i needed to hear from her for a long time. i was very insecure for many years after leaving england, always upset that no one remembered me despite me being so upset and caught up in the past. somehow, i managed to move on and heal from this as i met my beloved Leslie and Lorn (♡), but Han sending this message made me weak once again. my heart faltered a bit and i wanted to write some poems, but it's been hard. i guess i have some sort of writer's block? i usually listen to music to get inspired, but it hasn't been working too well.

Sequel by LUCY is the thing that hit closest and brought me near a writing mindset, but i'm still not near it yet. anyways, the lyrics that sing of letting go of a loved one but being grateful for the happy memories and waiting until you can meet again have hit me hard. Han and i grew up as different people in the end, since we were so far apart during our most tender adolescent years, but i know that if she is ever completely alone and in need of someone, i will run to her, no questions asked. she doesn't even have to do the same for me,, i am just so grateful for her friendship when i was in england that i know i can be there for her no matter what. anyways,,,,,,,, this log is dedicated to Han, who put me in a nostalgic mood ^-^ i can only hope she's okay and cheer her on from afar :D

back to our regularly scheduled programming! i must say though that a lot of people who i never talk to have been messaging me and acting friendly now that i'm in korea. also some close people have forgotten about me,, i guess moving away helps you find out who the real ones are ?!

on march the 16th, i had my first day of in-person class! i had to take the bus by myself, but it was okay because i'm already familiar with the route! i take the line 273 and it drops me right outside the front gates. it's relaxing taking the bus, despite the traffic and bumpy nature of the ride. it's soothing to look out the window and to watch as office workers, school kids, people who all have their own lives board and leave the bus. i always wonder where people are headed and silently wish them good luck with their day in my head ^-^

campus was extremely busy. it looks like something straight out of a kdrama!

i was worried about finding my classes, but didn't have much difficulty. i am in woodang hall mostly, except for one class which i have in the polisci and economics building. i usually sit near the front and no one sits anywhere near me... is it cause i'm a foreigner? am i smelly?!

it was so much easier to learn in-person. particularly my korean class, which i have with T, was a lot better in person. no breakout rooms, seeing everyone!!

it was hard to make friends on the first day because i was nervous. at the end of the day, i tried to talk to someone in my contemporary literature class, but they had to rush to another class. i went outside woodang hall and sat outside to enjoy the nice weather instead, while i waited for T's classes to be over.

someone approached me and asked where the unistore is, and since i had nothing to do, i helped walk them there. i did my best to make conversation!! and i was happy i could be of help ^-^

to be honest, i don't remember what happened wednesday night T.T what did i eat? where did i go after class? i don't recall T.T i think this might have been the day when i had a group meeting? and also went we went to the club fair? (it was in the club building next to woodang and everything was korean, it was cramped and loud so we didn't find much).

the next day, march 17th, i had a 9am class. i was running on 6 hours of sleep and for me, that isn't enough :< by the end of the day, i was very tired. i was falling asleep in my lecture despite being in front row! my professor continuously made eye contact as she spoke,, i'm thankful, since it helped me stay awake!

inbetween classes, i've been going to SK future hall. it's a huge study space with lots of room! i usually sit in a booth on the basement floor ^-^

once my classes were done, i rushed home to help T move into her new room. then, we went to no brand burger to eat before T went clubbing and i went to meet Dami so we could go to a café!

no brand burger is really cheap, around ₩5,000 for a full burger combo set!

Dami and i went to melting pom. i won't lie, it was hard to find, but it was worth it!! there were 2 pomeranian dogs who were so friendly :< when we sat down, they would stand up and scratch our legs, trying to hop on our laps. they also followed us around!

the café has beds that you sit on instead of tables and chairs. the theme is pink and the drinks are pretty! their macarons are delicious :O i had the red velvet one along with an oreo milkshake ^-^

ah, before this, we went to the lotte department store, which had a sanrio pop-up market inside the toys r us there. i bought a photocard collector binder since the prices were so good for the sanrio brand!

after the store and cafè, we parted ways and returned home.

on march 18th, T and i met Dami in hongdae to go to the pink pool café. we were late and i was stressed, but it was all good. of course i couldn't try anything because i'm fasting ;-; but look!

we then went to the main street in hongdae to go clothes shopping. i didn't buy anything because i wasn't in the mood, but i did see this Hyunjin bday ad! as i write, it's his birthday now, so happy bday, Hyunjin!!

oh, stray kids also had their comeback and i really like the title track ^-^

T then parted ways with us to go meet her friends who wanted to go clubbing--Dami and i headed to seoul station to eat at a place Dami has been recommending near her new house (she moved out T.T).

we had bibimbap there, since Dami said it was really good, and i think i just went in with expectations way too high, so i was a bit disappointed :< but it was still good!! it seemed super authentic. they were closing, though, so we had to eat fast!

Dami then showed me her place and it's a lot nicer than our goshi--i'm really happy for her!!

after that, we went to seoul (train) station to go to the lotte mart next to it. it's kinda like walmart :> i bought some hbaf almonds and wet wipes (idk why T.T) and we browsed all over before deciding to go home. we went to mega coffee before we went home tho! i got a mint choco latte,, tasted like a peppermint hot choco hehe so good ^3^

i then headed home and had to attend a career counselling meeting outside the subway station at hyehwa because i forgot about it T.T i'm glad i attended, tho! it was super useful!!

that was it for march 18th! on the 19th, i studied for most of the morning. in the afternoon, T and i went to a café she's been wanting to go to. i think it's called high waist? it was really pricey and each person is required to get a drink, but the vibes were nice!

we then wanted to find a place to eat. it was an area with a lot of tent bars and street foods, many alleyways that were bursting with life, but we decided on a more highend chinese cuisine spot. it was super good! i was just hungry so i ate ate ate heh.

we tried to find a dessert place in the area but everything was closing :< so we just went home to the sulbing near our place since we know it's always open late! we tried a strawberry one this time, and here is my ranking as of now: matcha > strawberry > mango ^3^

we then headed home for realsies!!

today (march 20th) we have brunch plans with a new friend of T's even tho i can't eat cause i'm fasting ^3^ and then i'm going to the Baha'i centre to have eftar with them because it is the last day of the fast! and tomorrow is persian new year!!

i kind of want to celebrate it in some grand way, but there's not really a way to do that here :< so, we're just planning to go to a persian restaurant with T :/ oh well!!

next log

[freddieslater]

For nothing makes me stronger than your fragile heart

(A rewrite of that one scene in season 1, episode 18, because it haunts me and I was wearing Klayley-goggles on my most recent rewatch.)

AO3

The entire feast is in chaos. Things were going fairly well in the beginning, as far as Klaus is concerned. He actually thought it was quite pleasant; the music, the champagne, the factions all mingling together, at peace with each other.

For the most part, anyway—he didn't miss Genevieve and the other two witches singling Davina out. He was sure his gift to her and Josh would more than make up for that, though.

But now, it's taken a turn for the worst. Damn Marcel and those bloody drummers. The second they march their way down the stairs and announce they've come on behalf of him, Klaus tenses, straightening up, and prepares for chaos. And chaos is what comes. 

The scent of blood clings to the air, thick and heavy, and far too strong for the vampires to ever be able to resist. Klaus almost wants to laugh at Elijah's attempt to dissuade them from acting on their impulses, as if he's some sort of vampire tamer. He would find it amusing if a certain werewolf weren't in their midst and the risks were far lower. 

The vampires growl like the werewolves they so despise, eyes turning red while veins claw at their skin. Klaus' eyes dart around the room, readying himself with a plan already formed and about to be set in motion. Before he can take even one step, the lights go out.

Screams emit from all around him instantly, the room filled with snarls and the distinct sound of teeth ripping apart flesh. Klaus' heart leaps into his throat, and everyone's racing to move in a panic as he manages to make out the vampires lunging at the bleeding drummers. Some don't even bother to reserve their hunger for the humans as a witch screams out in agony as her neck is torn into.

He's moving before he can register what he's doing, making his way through the darkness with ease. His eyes dart all over the place as he tries to tune out Genevieve's calls to the witches for the safety of the Harvest girls. A vampire lunges out in front of him, momentarily blocking his path as they pounce on the drummer in his way.

He pulls them back by the collar of their jacket, dislodging them from their meal, and sends them flying back across the room with a flick of his wrist before hurrying forward. He's searching in the dark, trying to follow those two heartbeats, but it's nearly impossible to pick them out from the rest. 

The room is suddenly lit back up as the lights are flipped back on. Everyone scatters in the blink of an eye, and all around him where he looks are dead bodies, blood seeping into the carpet in little pools all across the room. 

His eyes lock onto a familiar black dress. As Hayley pushes herself up on her hands, Klaus rushes to her, by her side before she's even halfway up. She looks at him, her lips parted as if having been about to speak. Nothing comes out, though, and he's far too focused on something else. 

He brushes his thumb over her eyebrow, stopping the drip of blood that's tracked its way down from the top of her head. He eyes it with worry and tries to suss out the damage, ignoring the wide-eyed suspicion on Hayley's face.

"It's alright," he says to her, wrapping an arm around her. "Come on, love. Let's get you out of here."

She's slightly dazed from the blow, he can tell, and so she nods, though her eyes flit around them. He carefully gets her to her feet, steadying her with the arm still securely around her middle. He pauses for just a moment, and his eyes lock with Elijah's a few feet away. Then, he turns, gently urging Hayley along with him. 

They're halfway from the building when Hayley seems to get her wits about her, straightening up a little underneath the hand he still has settled on the small of her back, just to be sure. 

"I can get home myself," she tells him with a bite to her voice, and she says home in such a way as if he's secretly trying to take her down a different road, back to the compound, he supposes. 

He can't help but find it amusing that she seems to think he's in agreement with Elijah on his insistence on trying to make her move out of the bayou. If anything, he'd prefer she stayed there. Maybe she wouldn't get into the middle of situations like the one tonight.

"Oh, I'm well aware of that," he says with a slight smile.

He falters, though, as he glances at her and she stays staring straight ahead. Sighing quietly, he stops walking, reaching for her arm for her to do the same. She obliges, though with confusion, and he softens his voice as he speaks to her suspicious gaze. 

"It would merely bring me comfort to see that you get back to the bayou," he admits. "After all, there could still be some savage vampires roaming these streets, and they're always looking to pick a fight these days. Not that I'm not certain you could handle them on your own, but..." his smile grows a little as he tilts his head, "...I would feel better about ensuring your return home. That's all. I'll leave right away, I swear."

Surprise flickers in Hayley's eyes, unhidden as she's clearly caught off guard, but he holds her gaze, needing her to know he's being sincere. The thought of letting her find her own way back to the bayou, still injured and bleeding, doesn't sit right with him. She nods again, slower this time, and looks away as she agrees.

He drops his hand, keeping them away from her this time as they begin walking again. No matter how much he wants to reach back out every time he glances at her on the way there.

They reach the bayou in no time. His pace slows a little, falling out of step with Hayley as he admires the place. It's much prettier than he remembers it being the last time he saw it. Perhaps it's the romanticizing of the moonlight that's doing it; Rebekah was constantly going on about it and he never had any idea what she was on about half the time. For him, the moonlight was a curse. Something to be hated, to be wished would never come and feared when it inevitably came near. 

But now, he thinks he can see it from her eyes. It reflects across the water, mingling with the soft glow of the lanterns strung up all around them, closing in the little cabin and the many tents that litter the area. It almost looks cozy. Far more like a home for a wolf than the compound could ever be. 

There are people sat around a fire in the middle, he notices as he shakes the feeling off and picks his pace back up only to join Hayley as she comes to a stop at the edge of the clearing, surrounded by a cluster of trees. They're talking quietly amongst themselves, perched happily on logs. Laughing and joking. They look at peace. Like a family. He supposes that's what a real pack is meant to be. 

Even from afar, Klaus can see the relief on Jackson's face when he happens to lift his head and look right at them. His eyes widen, locking onto Hayley, a smile starting to form for a split second. Then it drops, and he stands, suddenly alert as his eyes slide over to Klaus and stay there, wary of his presence. 

Hayley turns to face him, and he looks down at her expectantly. She parts her lips as if to speak. It feels like she wants to say something, but she falters, her mouth closing again for a second as she seems to try and figure it out. He makes a decision, even though every part of him doesn't like it.

"Go," he tells her softly, motioning his head to the rest of her pack. "Be with them. And..."

He eyes her forehead and slowly lifts a hand, gently stroking the pad of his thumb across the track of blood. It's mostly dry now, he realizes with another pang of relief. Still, something twists deep inside of him at the sight of it. 

"...make sure you get that seen to."

He then swiftly drops his arm and takes a step back faster than she can blink. Forces himself to, because he's letting himself linger too long. That doesn't stop something pulling at him from inside, regretting the action. But that's exactly why he had to do it. This isn't right. 

Hayley does blink, her eyes widening a touch as she seems to try and process whatever just happened. Klaus honestly can't even figure it out either, and he doesn't think he wants to. It's more difficult when she's staring up at him through her lashes like she is now, not saying a word. 

That same soft glow off the lanterns and the moonlight frame her now. She looks like a painting with the bayou as her backdrop. Only adding to the perfect picture of beauty that even he would never be able to capture in a million more years with any brush or canvas. One would describe her as breathtaking in that black dress, that chain settled so perfectly on her chest, with her red-tinted lips, and even the wound on her head—and they would be right. 

His heart aches, and Klaus hasn't really yearned for anything since Vivianne Lescheres, yet, here Hayley is. Standing right in front of him but still completely out of his reach. Making him feel the things he was certain that he couldn't anymore. Had sworn that he never would again for fear of what it would do to him, how badly it would destroy him a second time if he were to have to lose her, too. 

"Uh, yeah," Hayley says slowly, as if in a daze, and coincidentally snapping him from his own. She shakes her head, but she doesn't look so sure about the action. "I'll...I'll definitely get it checked. Probably nothing though."

Klaus nods back in agreement, because he can't imagine the alternative. He hopes she's right. His eyes flick down to her stomach for a brief moment, unable to stop himself. Hayley must notice as he takes in a breath as she carefully places her hand on the bump as if to comfort both him and the baby in some way.

"We'll be fine, Klaus," she says softly, reassuring.

He lifts his eyes back to meet her gaze. "I don't doubt that for a second, Little Wolf," he tells her sincerely with a faint smile. 

She can take care of herself, he knows very well, and she wouldn't let any harm come to their child. He trusts her. Which is why he forces himself to look back down at the swampy dirt beneath his feet that's trying to suck his shoes beneath it, something inside of him giving him a shove as a reminder. 

He draws in a deep breath, quickly composes himself before anything can slip more than it may already have due to his foolish moment of weakness, and looks back up at her once more. 

"I should get going then," he says, set on making good on his promise, already taking a reluctant step away from her. "Have a nice night, love."

He's ready to leave, turning on his heels to make his departure. Perhaps go home and drink a bottle or two and maybe get an answer from Elijah about what the hell happened back at the feast. Marcel, obviously, but he needs an explanation, and preferably one that allows him to hit something. 

"Klaus, wait," Hayley blurts out. 

He immediately stops in his tracks out of mere surprise alone, but quickly turns back to her. She seems just as startled to realize she spoke aloud, but she draws herself up and glances over her shoulder with a thoughtful look on her face. After a moment's deliberation with herself and Klaus patiently waiting, she seems to come to some sort of decision.

"Gimme just...one second," she says, holding up a finger for him to stay put.

He falters, uncertain as his eyebrows draw together in confusion. His lips part to question her, but she has this pleading look on her face, just asking him not to go anywhere, and that aching deep inside of his chest, tucked away beneath his ribs returns stronger than ever. How could he say no to her?

He presses his lips together in a smile and simply nods his agreement to oblige. Her face lights up in a way he hasn't seen in a while, determination written into her features. Determined to do what, he doesn't know, but he's sure he'll find out. 

She turns away from him and finally strides over to join the rest of the wolves, all waiting for the arrival of their queen. Klaus can't help but watch her.

He watches Jackson embrace her without hesitation, wrapping her up in a tight hug, their smiles bright as they greet each other. The relief on his face as he closes his eyes for that split second and presses his face into her shoulder. His worry when he pulls back and finally notices the blood on her forehead. 

Klaus' stomach clenches as he reaches up to touch it with concern, his mouth moving as he speaks. Hayley brushes it off, gently waving his hand away before he can come in contact. Her smile lingers even then, even as she talks, addressing them all as one. They're all enraptured by her, that much is obvious. Looking at her like she hung the moon, and the stars, and gave them everything in the world. Awe-stricken puppies, full of fondness and love. Klaus smiles. 

"A queen indeed," he mutters to himself, the statement never feeling truer.

She says something else, but he's too enraptured by her like the rest of them to pick up on it until he notices the change in the wolves around her. They all tense up, suddenly seeming on edge. Some even glance his way. Jackson and his little sidekick, Oliver, included. 

He shifts on his feet uncertainly and sets his jaw under their scrutiny, lifting his head. Simple method of intimidation that usually works on packs when it comes from someone like him. But he notices Hayley put a hand on Jackson's arm, speaking again, and this time, the cold, hard stare he's giving him falters. 

A beat passes as he glances from him to Hayley and back again. Then he nods despite Klaus getting the feeling that he would rather be doing anything else just by the look on his face alone. Oliver doesn't look any more pleased about whatever's going on. Some of the wolves seem a little unsure, some just as wary as their leaders, and some looking unfazed.

Hayley nods back to Jackson, her smile lighting up her face even from so far away. She then leaves Jackson's side and quickly makes her way back across the bayou, approaching him. He composes himself, raising his eyebrows in questioning curiosity as she stops in front of him.

"So...would you maybe wanna stay a little while?" she asks carefully, something different about her voice as she does. Strangely shy, nervous, almost worried about his response. It would seem like an act that he would expect her to pull out for a joke if it weren't for the glint of sincerity he catches in her eyes as she looks up at him like that again. 

She nods her head back to the wolves, swaying side-to-side ever so slightly. He barely glances at them, his eyes fixed on her. How could they not be, he thinks.

"They all agreed to play nice," she adds as if to convince him, and when she looks back up at him, she flashes that smile at him. "You are technically one of us, after all. And...some of them wouldn't mind getting to know you better. Might even make them less hostile toward you."

Klaus feigns a scoff, his mouth stretching as something in his chest tightens at hearing her call him one of her them. 

"And why would I want that?" he jokes, but actually takes a moment to look over at the pack now. Some are still watching with piercing gazes, others already gone back to their previous positions and conversations. 

"Because a good king doesn't rule with hostility," Hayley says, surprising him. "He rules with respect. And kindness, though I know that one's trickier for you, so maybe just stick with respect and civility."

Klaus actually laughs, looking away from her, shaking his head. Part of him does wonder if she's right. Perhaps a little less hostility and aggression wouldn't be so bad. It might even make some part of New Orleans somewhat safer and easier to work with. If the wolves of the bayou trust him more than they clearly do now, perhaps it could help.

He looks at Hayley as he considers. She tilts her head, her eyebrows raising the slightest bit. There's still blood on her forehead, but she doesn't seem to care one bit as she smiles, hopeful. It does something to him; it's like he melts on the inside, the hard edges of his defences softening a little, and the idea doesn't actually seem so bad. 

He draws himself up, smiling as he takes a deep breath as if still thinking, his eyes drifting back to the wolves. "I suppose it couldn't hurt to stay a little while." He shifts his gaze back to her, meeting her eyes. "As long as you're sure you want me to? I did make a promise to you, after all, that I would leave as soon as I saw you were home."

Something flickers in Hayley's expression and her smile widens. She nods.

"I'm sure, Klaus," she says, and he can hear that she means it. "I want you to stay."

Hearing it makes something twist inside of him but it's not unpleasant. He nods again and stretches an arm out in front of him, gesturing back toward the rest of the pack. 

"Then it would be my pleasure. After you, Little Wolf."

Hayley rolls her eyes and grabs his wrist as she starts walking back over, pulling him with her. His heartbeat jumps in surprise, and he can't help but eye her hand wrapped around his wrist as he happily obliges, following behind her. A smile spreads back across his face. He ducks his head, warmth pooling in his chest and spreading, even as Hayley drags him along to properly introduce him. 

He isn't exactly met with open arms, but they're not tearing his throat out either. It's strange, he thinks as Hayley takes a seat on the ground after refusing to let anyone give up their seat, and he sits down beside her without a second thought. How he feels less out of place than he thought he would. There are a couple of wary glances thrown about, but he brushes them off with ease.

Soon enough, it almost feels like the tension lifts from the air as the wolves regain their lighthearted bubble, the laughing and joking starting back up. Klaus will admit to joining in every now and then, and he won't admit that he smiles a little wider and laughs a little harder when Hayley looks at him like that.

Something about the bayou, and the wolves that he thought he couldn't trust, who weren't his kind yet feel familiar in a strange way. He isn't sure what it is, but it's an interesting feeling, and the bayou isn't looking like such a bad place for Hayley and their daughter to be. Perhaps he just needs to spend more time there, with the pack. With Hayley. He certainly wouldn't mind that.