#she’s aged up here chillll

[g0rechan]

Post Muchimido Ending Au headcanons pt. 5

-One day, Midori and Muchisute chatted about the other freaks and what they think they could be up to these days. Muchisute said Kanabun probably became a male stripper to support himself.

-Hoichi and the human worm were brought up, and Midori asked about their whereabouts and if they left with Akaza and Benietsu, to which Muchisute responded that he didn't see them leave the circus with them. The realization hits them that Hoichi and the human worm were just left to die there and they were just like 😐

-Stockholm syndrome Middy loves cooking Muchi his favorite food. When she tells him that he's just like "hm." bc he's never received this type of special treatment in his life.

-She also loves to run up to him to give him kisses when they're done eating, only for him to be weirded out.

-She also likes to run up to him to give him hugs. Depending on his mood, he either pushes her away or lets her hold on.

-One time, she booped his nose and he kicked her in the chest in return.

-She forgives him every time be poor girl thinks he really loves her:(

-Showering her with kisses after she lets him do her in, the stuff he says to her is even better /s; "You've been such a good girl, Midori.", “Such a good little girl", "You're mine"

-Muchisute has made her walk around topless or bottomless a few times.

-Ok but Post Stockholm syndrome Middy does about anything to try and sexually satisfy Muchisute. In bed, she'll press her coochie against his leg, lick his nips, grab the sides of his waist, she also tries to give him hickies herself and she leaves the smallest bite marks ever. (SHE’S AGED UP HERE)

-Muchisute barely feels anything when she bites him, like, it actually tickles him lol. He laughs and tells her she’s so pathetic.

-Around Christmas time, Midori asks Muchisute what they’re going to do and he’s like, “um, we don’t have that kind of money.”. Midori goes 🙁. So for Christmas, Midori just purchases sweets for both herself and him, “I got dango and taiyaki ^_^”. Muchi doesn’t really care for sweets but eats a few anyways cuz why not, it’s food.

-Muchisute kinda finds Post-SS Midori annoying so he’s physically abusive to her every now and then to put her in her place.

Send in more muchimido scenarios pls

Merry [Late] Christmas btw!❄️☃️🎄

[deepseacarousels]

Lost the ask because tumblr has been really glitchy with my ask box lately, but an anon asked for some extra headcanons / info on Kyle so here you go!

Her favourite flowers are frangipanis

Was actually a very shy kid despite her social disposition nowadays! When her aunt first took her in, she hid under the bed for a day or so before she got so hungry that she reluctantly came out

Very good with kids! Hence her being a great caregiver to the age regressors of the group

Barely ever gets sick, has a strangely good immune system

Loves to paint! Painted a mural of the nearby beach on the playroom wall for the littles to look at

Summer is Kyle’s favourite season, meanwhile Souma hates the heat with a burning passion

Was in a rock band in highschool with a few mates she still keeps up with

Worked as a lifeguard for about 3 years before the events of the story

A really good cook because she had to cook almost entirely for herself before moving in with her aunt, but doesn’t exactly like doing it, would much rather have someone else cook or order in

She’s demisexual! But even with Souma who she’s been dating for years now, she’s still not particularly sexually driven (and neither is Souma, really)

Definitely a dog person, but loves all animals

Never kills bugs, takes them outside instead (with the exception of mosquitoes, which Souma is allergic to)

Despite being super chill usually, she’s actually got a bit of a jealousy streak when it comes to Souma haha, really doesn’t like Karin for this reason

Has a lot of pent up anger that she never expresses because of the “yoooo duuuude everything’s totally chillll” cliche Aussie surfer dude persona she’s got going on, so she likes to roleplay as a bossy princess sort of character sometimes to get some of that anger out — it’s very Sweetheart from Omori-esque if I had to compare it to anything

[nctsjiho]

Relationships with: NCT Dream

Click here for: NCT 127, NCT U, NCT Dream, WayV

Mark:

Little-big brother

JiHo makes him laugh almost as much as Haechan or Johnny do

Helps her with rapping and is the person JiHo reaches out to when she wants validation with her rapping

Spent a whole night with her in the studio after she had a mental breakdown when she kept messing up and the producer told her to come back the next day

They never talk about it and no one else knows (that’s what they thought but Taeil and Doyoung do know. Of course they respect JiHo’s privacy and never bring it up) but he’s always there for her before or during she records her rap part when he knows she’s nervous or stressed out

“Dude!”

“DUDE!”

If Jaehyun is JiHo’s bro, then Mark is her dude shut up I don’t make the rules

They talk in English a lot as well, JiHo actually helps him out with his Korean at times

Renjun:

The prettiest boy of them all in JiHo’s eyes

It’s an ongoing joke that JiHo is whipped for Renjun and JiHo doesn’t deny it

She loves his voice and thinks he’s super talented and smart

But she only says that about him and not to him (she doesn’t want Renjun to feel uncomfortable around her, God bless her)

They have great chemistry together and seem- are best buds

Renjun appreciates JiHo’s hard work and her great language skills

She usually tries speaking only Chinese when with WayV or China line

He’s the only person she speaks Chinese with casually when they are not hanging out with the Chinese members

Praises her a lot when she’s not there

They can get really mischievous together and go and tease the others

Their usual victims are Ten, Kun and Jaemin (they keep it really playful though so their “victims” laugh a lot when they get “teased”)

They can talk for hours and hours Taeil and Doyoung have send them home after finding them in the studio or practice room talking at 3 am multiple times

Jeno:

Jeno and JiHo are a dangerous duo

Their visuals are OUT OF THIS WORLD

Like they are both very attractive on their own, but put them together and-

*chef’s kiss*

Jeno is a firm believer that JiHo should’ve been in NCT Dream

Also have a kind of brotherly bond, but Jeno gets really protective over her

He pushes her around playfully but if someone else does it and does it too hard, someone is about to catch those hands...  -_-;;

Workout buddy

Even though JiHo complains a lot when exercising with him, he still drags her along (like literally, they will go for a run and Jeno will grab her by the wrist and drag her with him)

“If you hate it so much then don’t come with me next time.”

She’ll still join Jeno on his next workout ^^

Haechan:

TEASE

The biggest piece of sh-

But we’ve been knew

Thinks JiHo is a great singer but never says anything, because he will not show her his soft side for her

Knows JiHo isn’t the best reader and while he usually makes fun when the other members mess up when they read, he’ll never make fun or laugh at JiHo

The first and only time he’d done so, he saw how her smile faded and it broke his heart so he never did it again

Instead, he’ll volunteer to read instead of JiHo whenever possible and she appreciates it a lot

Doesn’t believe that JiHo is technically younger than him

Believes in treating everyone equally, so if he didn’t tease or annoy her enough during practice, promotions, or video shoots he’ll annoy her at the dorms

Barges in her room whenever he wants to  and after an hour of annoying her or “ruining” her Vlive, he will just sit on her bed and play on her switch or his phone for a few hours

Jaemin:

“Forces” her to do aegyo

Thinks JiHo is the most adorable human bean (yes bean) to grace this earth awww

Says he doesn’t want her to join next promotion because he hates seeing her work so hard, but never actually means it. He loves that JiHo is part of NCT with him

Wants to be in a Sub-Unit promoting with her so bad, but it doesn’t seem to look like that’s happening soon  (ㅜ_ㅜ)

JiHo likes to give him back hugs and he melts every time she does, but tries to hide the smile creeping on his face

Jaemin knows he’s one of the only members receiving skinship from JiHo so he doesn’t want to jinx it by pointing it out, but is very proud he gets those rare JiHo hugs <3

“She’s always so cool on stage but in person she’s insanely cute!” (He said this during a Vlive shortly after her debut in 2018)

Chenle:

Chillll~~~

They either hang out in his house or in her room at the dorm

People thought they didn’t like each other for a while, even the other members

They just didn’t have much to say to each other

Now they still don’t have much to say to each other but they just hang out and listen to music or play games together

They don’t have the best chemistry on camera, because they just are really quiet but when you are with them physically you can't sense any awkwardness at all

Daegal loves her (not as much as she loves Mark or Chenle but enough to sit on JiHo’s lap 50% of the time she’s is at Chenle’s)

He makes fun of her when she messes up her Chinese but no one else dare make fun of her Chinese or he’ll find a way to make fun of you so you feel bad

During a variety show the host made fun of JiHo’s Chinese and Chenle asked him to say something in Chinese, when he couldn’t Chenle just gave him that a look and stan Twitter went OFF

“OMG The look on the hosts face! Chenle protecting JiHo!!! OMG IM DED”

Jisung:

JiHo is the coolest hyung noona

She doesn’t baby him because they are pretty close in age and Jisung appreciates the change of pace

Wished JiHo was also a member of NCT Dream (com’on SM everyone wants JiHo in Dream! ㅜ.ㅜ)

He finds her intimidating whenever she’s in performer mode

Will willingly do aegyo for JiHo and vice versa

Sometimes it feels like JiHo is younger than him so he has a sense of protectiveness at times

JiHo isn’t a star chef, but she can cook pretty well, so sometimes she visits the dreamies’ dorm and cook for Jisung them

Also learns Jisung how to cook or bake simple things (he sucks but they love spending the quality time together)

The hugs they share look so comfy and ngl everyone fans, not-fans and even their own members feel jealous

Everyone wants to know what such a hug feels like but it’s only possible between JiHo and Jisung

Cutest-most-wholesome duo

[tellywoodtrash]

immj2 13 + 14.11.20 lbs

13.11.20

i’m just gonna skim through this one, coz i don’t wanna dwell on the death and maatam and all.

hahahahahahahahaha riddhima is screaming at god for letting this happen and kabir is like “bhagwaan ko beech mein kyun laa rahi ho, mujhe bhi toh credit do!” i truly love this crazyass fucker.

riddhima continuing to scream at god about vansh jissne “KOI KABHI BURA KAAM NAHI KIYA HAI” ?!?!?!!?!?!?!? sis what the fuck???? first of all, none of us over the age of like...... 7, are truly sinless. and THIS MAN PARALYZED AND THREATENED TO KILL YOU MULTIPLE TIMES, FFS.

KABIR IS MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, I AM KABIR

now she trying to throw herself off the cliff and for some reason i cannot understand, kabir is holding her back????? literally why, my bro????? let her die, saaari musibatein khatam. ugh, you still have some kinda residual feelings for her from your not-that-kameena days, don’t you?

asalkdjaldkjsaldkjsalkdjl riddhima ke andar OG prerna ka bhoot chadh gaya, she hitting kabir with danda the way Mother India did dhulaayi of yudi in the disco (still one of the most iconic scenes of tellywood for me, istg)

dude, idk if it’s just ego waale possesive issues or he still has feelings for her, but kabir def wants riddhima to be “his girl”. even after danda beating he’s trying to help her as she stumbles around in sadma.

anyway she sauntered off rubbing that stupid muffler of vansh’s on her face. SIS YOU GONNA BREAK OUT IF YOU RUB SUCH GANDA KAPDA ON YOUR FACE.

5 min of flashbacks of vansh. fwding.

family (dadi, chanchal, and all the rest of the riff-raff) has come back home and ghar is all dark.

weird how angre is also with them. i woulda thought he’d be on whatever tasks vansh set him on, instead of doing mandir yatras with these assholes.

mummy has decided to break news in most non-tactful way ever. wearing all white and has set up photu with haar already.

yeah, requisite screaming and crying blah blah. nahi dekhna.

i’m only here for ishani and angre’s reactions. bechaare look genuinely devastated. i mean dadi does too, but bohut hi zyaaaada overdramatic and i’m getting uncomfortable.

riddhima has returned.

to her surprise everyone already knows. zara dimaag lagao behen, how they even found out before you reached??? (ok no i understand you’re numb from trauma rn and can’t think of all this, but i hope your idiot brain thinks of it later.)

WHY THE FUCK IS DADI YELLING AT RIDDHIMA KI TERE HOTE HUE KAISE HUA YEHHHHHH, WHO THE FUCK IS SHE TO TAALOFY GIANT COSMIC DECISIONS LIKE LIFE AND DEATH????? isse apni khud ki jaan nahi sambhali jaati, let alone someone else’s.

holy shit she’s actually saying, “tu toh uski dhaal thi, uske liye tuney goli khaayi thi, iss baar kaise chook gayi????” MAN, FAMILIES OF DESI BOYS REALLY BE FUCKIN WILDDDDDDDDDDDDDD WITH THEIR EXPECTATIONS FROM BAHUS. one time she took a bullet for him wasn’t enough????? you want her to actually fucking die before something happens to him. god forgive me but i really wanna slap this dadi rn.

mummy cooking up some fucking ridiculousssssss story about gunde in the house and how vansh was chasing them and gaadi khaayi mein gir gayi and god knows whatttt

ok she’s saying siya got the call about it and she was running down the stairs while in shock and now whoopsie daisy, she’s in critical condition (probably in a coma or some shit.)

aryan looks sad at the siya news. thank god this mummy ka niyana has basic consideration for someone else other than himself and his mother.

mummy ka rona dhona drama fwding.

ishani is now yelling at angre. which..... kinda deserved. you’re his safety person dude.

ok too much crying. fwding.

riddhima asking mummy why you lie to family about how he died. mummy like how tf i tell them police dragged him out and he died in an encounter for trying to escape. it’s better for them to not know the truth. which.............. ok fair, but coming from this shadyassss woman......

god this mummy ka ainvayi praising vansh waala scene is going on too long. fwding.

riddhima back to room. some more flashbacks. OUFF. FWDING.

obligatory kamre ka tod-phod scene. FWDING!!!!!!!!!!

fell asleep crying and holding one of his coats.

LMAO ISHANI KA MANN NAHI BHARAA GHAR KE ITNE CASUALTIES SE............ SHE’S LIKE WHAT’S ONE MORE????

dadi slapping ishani for doing what any one of us would do, honestly, so.... whatever. fuck off dadi.

ishani telling 100% truth ki jabse this useless b has entered my bhai’s life, his problems have been never ending, i’m fucking sureeeeeeeeee she’s the reason he’s dead. the only voice of reason in this show, truly.

dadi all WOH EK HAADSAAAA THAAAA, NOONE CAN CONTROLLLL THOSEEEE, oh yeah, not the sentiment that you were expressing to riddhima when she walked in, you stupid old bat. whatever, i’m fwding this scene.

kabir and mishra have entered house. coz they are awwal no. ke sadists. need to get off on watching this family cry and suffer.

LMAO THE LOOK RIDDHIMA GAVE KABIR. HE’S LEGIT SCARED OF HER.

angre bhi staring daggers at kabir. chal hatt, i know for sure you’re behind saving vansh and stashing him somewhere to crawl out whenever it’s the right time. 

body nahi mili blah blah blah

lol this one’s face clearly says milegi bhi kaise, main tum logon ki tarah nikamma nahi hoon. i have 16% success rate. it’s low but it’s more than y’all 0%.

lmaoooooo oh DOW DIGGY DIGGY DOW DIGGY DOW DOW, i love you sooooooooo much.

ALSO WHAT A MISSED OPPORTUNITY TO MAAROFY THE PUN KI “MAINE VANSH KE VANSH KO MITAAAAA DIYAAAAAAAA” severely disappointed in you, kabir.

yup. appropriate response. to just generally all the men in your life.

lmao riddhima like you arrested vansh ONLY COZ I LOVEDDDDDDD HIMMMMMMMMMMMM. lol the amount of self delusion. sis, his feelings for vansh were faaaaaaar more powerful and intense than anything he ever felt for your dumb ass.

kabir saying there’s nothing left for you here, why don’t you come back to me and lmao............... he tried.

 “riddhima nahi. riddhima vansh raisinghania.” 

ok whatever you say, sis. i’m just grateful to god this manhoos episode is finally over.

———————————————————————

14.11.20

redo of last scene.

lmao kabir is like I HATED VANSH WAAAAAAAAAAAAY BEFORE YOUR DUMB ASS FELL FOR HIM. YEAH I DON’T LIKE THAT YOU PICKED HIM OVER ME, BUT I’M NOT SO BAD THAT I’D TAKE REVENGE FROM HIM FOR THAT. yeah, dude. he just wanted his money; not youuuuuu. like..... chillll. kahaan se aata hai logon ko itnaaaaa confidence khud pe???

kabir saying i had proof vansh killed ragini, i found his watch there next to the body. she’s like i had it, i took it to repair it, and ragini died in front of me. vansh wasn’t anywhere near there.

lmao she’s back to shoving him around. what an annoying bitch she is. 

kabir like did you SEE who shot ragini? no????????? then it could very well have been vansh, right????? plus i got that footage from 3 years ago.

she’s like hein hein heinnnnn where you get it from when i burnt that chip????????? OH NOW SHE’S USING HER BRAINNNNN. SO WAS VANSH THE ONE RENDERING HER SO FUCKING STUPID? NOW HE’S NOT ADDLING HER BRAIN WITH LUST HORMONES, HER 3 BRAIN CELLS ARE FINALLY WORKING AGAIN!!!!!!!!!! take this as proof, ladies. MEN MAKE YOU FUCKING DUMB AS SHIT BY JUST MAKING YOU BREATHE THE SAME AIR AS THEM.

kabir saying someone from inside the house probably saved it and sent it. and that vansh made all this happen by taking mishra’s gunnnn and forcing them to take the sunsaaaan paaath and he tried to runnn and blah blah blah.

again he’s asking her to come be with him and she’s like gtfo i don’t wanna see your cuteass face anymore, you’re dead to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ok she didn’t say the cute bit, i did. i think y’all already knew that. but how to resist??? he sho cute!!!!!! 

mishra like this b kuch zyaada nahi bol gayi???? 

“dil par jo chot lagti hai, woh nazar nahi aati, but ghaav bohut gehra hota hai. yeh dard maine bhi mehsoos kiya tha, jab riddhima mujhe chod ke chali gayi thi vansh ke paas.” heinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn? now he suddenly is/was truly in love with her again???? bhai, tu decide karle, ki if she’s just a pawn to you or something more. ainvayi jhool raha hai idhar udhar.

mishra like, ok whatever, but where vansh’s body tho???

clearly not him. the head shape alllllll different.

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS THEY FINALLY PUT RRAHUL’S FINE ASS IN JEANS!!!!!!

again, no wedding ring. dead body is not vansh.

“bhagwaan jaane kahaan chali gayi uski laash.” lmao i really loled the way he delivered the line. i really love him the mostttttttttt.

kabir you are honestly suchhhhhhhhhhhhhh an idiot, if you think not getting his body is a good thing. DON’T YOU KNOW HIM AT ALL??????? AT ALLLLLLLL????? NO BODY MEANS HE’S STILL OUT THERE, BIDING HIS TIME TO FUCKING COME GET YOUUUUUU.

he’s like good, vansh didn’t even get antim sanskaaaar. who knew kabir was sooooo religious??????

vansh so efficient and independent ki khud ka kriyakaram kar raha hai. aatmanirbhar ho toh aise!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

not before he maarofied his own pocket tho.

“bohut jald iss VR mansion ke aage KR mansion ka signboard hoga.” hein???????? the R in there is for RAISINGHANIA. why the hell would you add one random surname to your name??????

YEAH. I KNOW THOSE CHITTAAA-ASSS EARSSSSSSS.

OMFGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG BHAGWAAAAAAN NE MERIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII SUNNNNNNNNNNN LIIIIIIIIII THEY MADE HIM SHAAAAAAAAAAAAAVE ASALKJDLKJDSLAKJDLASKAS

OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG THE DUMBASS FAKE DEEEP VOICE IS GONE TOOOOOOOOO ALKSDJSALKDJLASKJDLSAKJDLASKJDLASKJDLKJLKS I JUST

styling also EXAAAAAAACTLY HOW I LIKE IT.

helllllllllllllllllllllllo hunny. NOW YOU’VE MADE THIS SHOW FINALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLY WORTH WATCHING. bas thodaaaa saa tharakkkkk ka maska i need to make my tellywood viewing experience sooooooo much easier. AUR WOH MUJHE AAAAAAJ SE MIL GAYAAAAAAAAAAA.

ok 13 days later.

bitch looks better after going through life-altering trauma than i do on my most stable mental health days.

talking to portrait about how the misery is unending, etc. etc.

kabir still calling her. WHY??????? dude just take the L and move the fuck on.

lmaooooooo mummy is like 13 din rone ki acting kar karke aankhon ki band baj gayiiiiii. 

standard mwahahahahaha we succedded bufoonery from too complacent evil ppl. dumb dumb dumbbbbb!

but let’s admire this evil cutie bean.

riddhima’s mangalsutra which she justttttt set down on that bureau missing. she in a panic.

ofc these two are behind it.

ishani wants the truth about that dayyyyyyy and aryan jumping in about how riddhima never loved vansh and just always doubted him and blah blah.

my question is since when aryan loves vansh bhaiiiiiii so much huh???????

anyway. this happens. and those two are left plotting some more about getting the truth out.

VIHAAAAAAAAAAAN is the new name.

seeeeee????? i knew his ass had some lucrative skill in the current economy. he some tech bro types.

CAN YOU BELIEVEEEEEEEEE THEY HID THAT FUCKING JAWLINE AND THOSE DIMPLES UNDER THAT BEARD FOR 5 WHOLE MONTHSSSSSSSSS. FUCKING HUMAN RIGHTS CRIMEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

unf, boy got cake. that ass just needed shirali to stay tf away from it.

also askdjalskjdlsakdjlaskjdlkj they turned ragini’s container waala room into his hacker man cave. what a wonderfully multipurpose room!

honestly, i’m just soooooooooo relieved i can just watch this show for eyecandy now. kaleje ko suchhhhhhhh thandak, yougaizzzzz.

banda khud vansh ke net worth (5000 cr.) ko dekh kar hairaan pareshaan. yeah, this much wealth accumulation is fucking immoral, asshole. you vansh did deserve to get thrown off a fucking cliff.

show laaaaaaaaaakh convince karne ki koshish karle ki yeh koi aur hai, my bullshit meter says it’s vansh vansh and no one else but vansh.

unrealistic af, someone PRINTING photos out in this day and age. what kinda tech person are you???????

lmao he’s checking out each photo for each family member and the commentssssssss.....

rudra chacha and chanchal chachi: “kaafi expressive faces! koshish bhi kare chupaane ki toh bhi chupaa nahi paa rahe ke lomdiii hain yeh ghar ke.”

aslkdjaslkdjlsakjdlskjdlksj i already like him better than old vansh.

aryan: “doosron ke bharose jeene waala.”

ishani: “raisinghania hone ka bohut ghamand hai, magar bechaari ki shaadi angre se ho gayi.”

how he know that if he not vansh????? angre not even in this set of pics.

siya: “kehte hain jo chal nahi sakte, unka wifi network bohut strong hota hai..... kab, kahaan, kya pakad le, koi nahi jaanta.”

“aur yeh hai....... RIDDHIMAAAAA....... iss parivaar ka most special aur khoobsoorat member.”

“moh aur maaya...... dono ka mel [...]”

yup, i definitely like this cheeky and cheesy persona better than the murder-threatening-paralyzing shit we had to put up with earlier. happy days, you guys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! happy days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[aoisdhaskdjal-blog]

12.09.2018 8:09PM

 Oh boy. How did I find myself here? So. I’m in a pickle - let me update you.

About two weeks ago, I messaged Nathan. It was right after Thanksgiving. I wanted to see Marshy. But at the same time, I wanted to ask him a few things for closure. He said he still doesn’t miss me. He still feels relieved for the most part. He doesn’t find himself wanting to message me. His feelings have not changed. So okay.

I’ve been talking to Anas a lot more. I’ve been hanging out with him here & there. Work’s been busy, so I haven’t had much time to hang out with him. But he’s so sweet. I’m so smitten. But I don’t know if he’s looking at this the same way I am. We got into a fight a few days ago because he brushed something off super quickly when it was something super important to me. But then he apologized yesterday. 

We went out a few days ago, and I got shit faced drunk. & the poor dude took care of me. I blacked out for part of the night, but nothing crazy happened. He even drove me home. I have so much love for someone who’ll do that. & he barely knows me.

I just wonder - what’s going on in his mind about me? There’s a lot of things he said that worries me. He said he gets bored with people so easily. That’s one of my biggest fears. He said he doesn’t find it cheating if he dances with a girl, but his girl can’t dance with a guy? He’s been with nothing but white girls. I feel like he’s slept with more girls than fingers I have on one hand. He goes drinking, clubbing weekly. & while that’s fun to me, sometimes I just want to cuddle and chill at home. Am I really his type? I don’t think so. 

He’s opened up a lot to me. We talked a lot about our childhoods. He’s been flirting with me for the most part. He’ll message me if we go a day or two without talking. When I think about us possibly getting into a relationship, I think straight to marriage. We’re not at the age to fuck around - yeah people think we’re young, but not in our culture. I’m sure my mom is passively looking for me - as I’m sure his parents are looking for him. He said he wants a good brown girl, just not fat, lmao. Is he looking to date me because I’m an okay brown girl, or is it because he’s actually attracted to me? Is he ready to tell his parents like hey I’m dating a brown girl & guess who it is. I’m not ready to do that to my family yet. 

I want to get to know him even more. I want him to open up to me more. Am I really doing Coachella with him? What would that even entail right? Are we getting separate rooms/beds? I was thinking prior to Coachella, maybe we can do a small road trip. Boston? Philly? So that we can get that initial awkwardness of being together for a weekend out of the way. Ugh. I’m so smitten but so confused. 

I texted him last night when I had a nightmare.. why did I do that. I don’t want to get too attached, but I already am. Ugh. We texted this morning a little bit. But he hasn’t responded. & I don’t want to double text anymore. 

He said yesterday “Sabrina wants to know when she’s going to see you next.” lmfao, I thought it was so cute. I have a really cute dress for Friday & he’s going clubbing and I said “I have a really cute dress for Friday.” & I said something like “Go have fun dancing with ya girls & ya hoes.” & he’s like “Chillll i’m tryna see the really cute dress” omg lmfao i’m blushing.

It helps me so much that he’s bengali, he’s muslim, he’s not that bad looking, he’s americanized but cultural too. he’ll pray when he needs to. he’s sweet. he drives. he knows i’m not moving out. mehhhhh, why don’t i know what to do :(((( why can’t i just have all the answers readily available to me. whyyyy. am i seeing him tomorrow? i can’t be so giving. i need to play a little hard to get. mehhhhhhhh.

I know that sometime soon I’ll have to ask him to dtr. & I know I’ll cry because I can’t be hurt the same way again. & especially w/ Anas, it’ll be bigger than just a relationship. It’s not like I can just stop seeing him. No, he’ll still be at family events. How do I get someone to genuinely be with me and promise me so early on that they won’t hurt me. How can I ensure that he’ll never give up on me? I don’t know. I don’t know, sigh - I don’t know.