#she's still not getting vaxxed and neither is my dad and my sister has been believing all the conspiracies being fed to her around here

[beaversatemygrandma]

Currently reeling over the fact that my mom told me I’m going to end up with survivor’s guilt after the next covid wave here bc I’m the only person in this trailer park who’s vaxxed. Currently, there’s a wave starting. And I’m scared she’s gonna be right.

[that-whatever]

so i found this in my drafts

i was gonna flush it out but now i think ill just post it as is, its my thought of how each of the vox machina gang reacted to the quote from bard lament (or at least one of that set) where vax said “He's family, and family leaves’  idk it just hit me hard in that moment how each one of the vm group could really relate to that, it gets longer with each member (as this was me sort of in character ranting at 3am) and its missing pike, again i planned on flushing this out but its been ages now, so, 

Keylet - her mom, left without a proper goodbye, on bad days hopes shes dead, at least that way it wasn't her choice, on better days that shes kidnapped and tortured, if she's alive out there shell have to exp a pain she doesn't want of abandonment and rejection she knows its wrong she does but if she finds out she's been out there all these years, never returning on her own volition, she doesn't know what she’d do

Percy - lost enough ppl to make him feel sick at night, a large family of parents, siblings, children god they were children he’s surrounded by loss but what hurts more than anything is that he left he left his sister to the fucking wolves to die even unknowingly he abandoned her, left her. the emotions he's plagued with and he consciously does it every day, she's breaking at the seam overloaded and overwhelmed with work, running a city he should be carrying, its the least he could do he tells himself she has more preparation for this, but he's not too sure that helps him feel better shes stopped asking him to come back to help her after his constant rejections, but he can see the pleading in her dark circles and graying hair he left her then, and he's done it every day since. out with his friends while his sister lies trapped in her castle with no knight in sight

Grog was never one for emotions, he's really only ever felt three, in his whole life, happy, angry and hungry, that's an emotion, right? Hell ask pike later. He hears vax and knows immediatley that its true, his herd left him bleeding out to die they walked away with his blood on their hands with not even a shred of doubt on their minds hes told keyleth once, and vax too at one point, that the herd isnt his family anymore, vox mochina is, and he believes that but he cant help but think its not all true, half of it is, he knows that much, vox mochina is his family, he fights harder hearing their war cries and strives to be better knowing they have his back, their blood runs through his viens, but he cant help thinking the other half isnt all true, no doubt its not all false either, but, part of him is still hung up on the herd leaving him all those years ago, when he fought kevdak, a large part of him wanted to knock him to the ground, to scream this is for all those years ago, look how ive grown see what ive become, better than I ever could be with you lot, the need to prove himself so inherent around the herd he almost forgot where he was, and no, they arent his family anymore, sometimes he thinks they never were, not family in the sense of what he knows it to be now, but it nags at him, they arent his family anymore but its still the tiniest bit painful, to look back on his old memories

Vax says it with an amount of resentment that surprises even him. when they went to live with their dad, vax was prepared to hate him, to push him away in favor of sticking by vex, so when they saw, truly, how despicable of a man he really was, vax couldn't help his apathy towards the situation grow, sure he was angry, but he found himself more angry that his father was so idiotic as to reject the love they had for him, that he wasn't even willing to open his arms to them, than anything else, it was him and vex against the world, always has been, what was the point of being bitter about some douchebag father. He's always known he was an emotional man though, far more than anyone else in his group, beyond Percy's brooding eyes and grogs dreadful lack of knowledge, he swears he heard him ask pike if hungry was an emotion the other day, and anyone who would dare call him cynical was just doing so based on stereotype, its not his fault he's inclined to wear all black and have a scorn on his face half the time, he's a hopeful guy, and he knows a lot of his dreams come from a place of hurt, he sits often and thinks of what he can hopefully have one day, the type of father he wants to be, to have kids who don't doubt for a second of his love for them, sick of hearing him say it all the time, supporting them through thick and thin growing a family so wonderful his heart is heavy with his contentment, waking up every day with a smile and tiny puffs of red hair tickling his chin,

Vex couldn't help the tears that fell at vax’s words, she's angry at Scanlan shes furious, he left them he knew what they've all been through and with a wound still fresh shes brought back to her pitiful excuse of a childhood, of a father she greeted with hope, who struck her down almost immediately, sparing no time to crush it down every chance he got, and even when her love for him depleted it never left, she wanted to prove herself to him, to gain his love pride and respect, never truly gaining it but always trying nonetheless. Anytime vax told her pleadingly to give it up she begged for one more day I can change his mind vax I'm sure of it. when they left she felt like a tree fell on her, she was drained exhausted from trying so hard and tired from having her emotions toyed with every waking minute, when they arrived back to their rightful home, to only be met with the smell of smoke, she cried harder than she ever thought possible, her entire childhood, every essense of her home, her mother her memories of being young all nothing but ash, she held vaxs hand as tight as she could, as if she could hold onto him so tight that the wretched rock of a planet they were standing on would stop spinning so fast for a few moments, let her catch her breath for a little while, that if she held on tight enough, he would squeeze back and neither would ever let go, this was it they were it, it was them two alone in the world they were all they had, their last hope an empty lot in a burned down town, she wondered how scanlan, who had lost people himself, could do this to them, put them through this, later she told herself if she truly believed that he knew what it was like to be abandoned, to do that to kaylie would be far worse than what he did, to give someone else the fatherless childhood he had, she and vax had, that would be far worse

Scanlan cant help but over hear him, he was only steps away from the door when vax opened his mouth, and scanlan cant help but smile a little looking over at kaylie, at his daughter, yes family leaves, god doesnt he know, but sometimes, sometimes they come back, they return and they love, he grips his daughters hand and they walk and he knows in his heart hes doing the right thing, months later, eating at a table far too big in a room far too small hes laughing with kaylie mouth wide and eyes streaming, for a second he listens as the table next to him goes into a story detailing the fight they saw at emon, his name comes up a few times but hes more innterested in the others, for the slightest of moments his smile falters and he leans farther down in his chair, but family returns, and maybe one day he will, on worse days when hes feeling more bitter he tells himself he shouldnt, its what they deserve, but he knows thats not true, in that moment he looks back up at kaylie, still reeling from his joke, rightfully so it was hilarious as all his jokes are, and his smile return full force, it was just the right thing to do, and he cant help feeling justified,