#shelikeswongkarwai

[filmophilea]

the different stages of song writing from one falling chair to the other › ej & elena.

the page is bare except for the title on the top left corner, ‘there are monsters in my closet.’ slender digits fidget with the pen, cap dislodged as he carefully swirls it between the back of his thumb and index. the piece of paper is so blank and depressing that it’s screaming back at him in despair but he thinks to himself, this isn't too bad. the deadline is, what, in a day? totally doable.

so he proceeds to wait until the last possible minute before starting and the next thing he knows he’s couped in a hotel room somewhere in tokyo, a show to catch in eight hours, sleep to bank on for at least three and an album draft that he’s got absolutely nothing on.

he doesn’t sit himself down, even though he really should. instead he makes a run for the lawson’s a block away because he needs all the sustenance he can get as he sources his folders on his phone that somehow contains 243 unread articles.

53:41 length youtube documentary from 2008.

safari? maybe so, inspiration could be sitting somewhere in the 103 tabs open.

the elevator door dings, opens wide and he slips inside, eyes constricting at the brightness of his screen.

click, scroll, click, tap, tap, boom. brightness fixed. there are monsters in my closet. cool, cool, cool, he’s got this.

six words, twenty-six letters. he thinks to the speed writing song seminar he just attended, thinks on the 80/20 rule and lets his thoughts wander as he aimlessly makes his way out of the elevator. the doorman greets him and ej salutes because why not?

then he thinks of coffee. it's technically my first coffee of the day because it's past midnight, he thinks as he ponders over hot or iced, decaf or caffeinated. he thinks hard over something that should be an easy decision but alas there’s a preschool that he passes by and he stops in the middle, stealing references from their educational and promotional posters. his japanese is basic at its best but he can read pretty well.

leave the lights on. the stars don’t want to sleep until it’s time. good night.

click, scroll, click, tap, tap. an email chain is sent to his creative director and fellow producer, 4:13am: is being a dumb fuck a valid reason for an extension? he snorts and think of the title funny as he tries to configure how to set the font in times new roman, size 12, double spaced. how the fuck do you do this on the phone?

he breezes through the entrance of lawson and makes his way to the refreshments aisle where several tables are conveniently set adjacent to. he purses his lips and pulls a stool to sit on, picking up on the original task. writing the set list? the email? no yeah no, the archives you dumbfuck.

he sorts through a few drafts he actually likes. more than a few, there’s actually quite a lot of it and who knew being in a 24-7 convenient store would give all the motivation? an hour passes and the only thing he can think of is did i just plagiarize an original work of mine? fuck it, we ball, and then hits submit. it’s quarter to six now and he knows this because his alarm jolts him awake just as a figure crouches over the aisle right across, a small section allotted animals. food and toys and a few other knick knacks that puts any pet store’s decor to shame because theirs is actually pretty well made. he stares at ground and tries to find his way back to his own business when he sees the kuromi tattoo on the ankle. he takes a second glance at her profile, a loud gasp bubbling from his lips.

“oh shit, elena?!” he hurriedly stands in excitement so quickly that he stumbles over his own footing, knocking over several stools on top of the other like a domino effect. the staff behind the counter begins to shuffle towards the rare commotion and he quickly grabs her by the arm, tossing one over her shoulder and ushering her towards the exit.

he thinks he hears laughter from her but he could be hallucinating. and wow is that the sun? it’s morning time?

and when she tells him what a coincidence it is that they’re both in town at the same and she asks him how he’s been, he tells her, “i think understand my next album a lot less now. how about you?”

[minseologs]

Perspective Compliance pt.2

@051688 @shelikeswongkarwai

It was rather tense in the lift ride with Elena’s purse in Minseo’s hand. It took heavy convincing and negotiation for her not to call the cops. To explain everything to someone who had barely known her. The younger’s arm comfort her own self after witnessing the traumatic thing she’s seen, while Minseo was nonchalant about the situation, and even cleaning up her bloody self to the best of her abilities like it’s in the norm.

Elena follows her through the office, the grandeur was being experienced for the first time as it was her first ever being there in CRM’s grounds. It was quiet due to the late hours of the night, and she was already packing her questions to Minseo. They enter a wing with prepared items to clean up herself, including water bottles and sanitary wipes of all kinds. It appeared this wasn’t the first it’s happened. An internal monologue was running in her mind, she doesn’t even know where to begin. Am I gonna die? Who is she, really—? I should call the cops— wait what if I die before they get he—

“Sit.” She jolts, and sit’s to the closest couch by the door. the older notices this wile washing her hands in a makeshift sink with the trash bin. “I don’t mean to threaten you, but I’ll have people catch you if you try to run from me at this moment.”

“I won’t.” She assures. But she was still tense. The terror in her voice pipes from her through and she had trouble getting her words out. How does one react to that? “You’re gonna get arrested— you’re leaving evidence just like that?”

“I can’t be arrested if nothing is there. I already messaged my team, they’re taking care of it at this moment. I know because the garage has been closed. No one gets in, or gets out until it’s done.”

“—and what about the body?”

“They usually burn it.”

Elena’s face was stunned with the way Minseo just says it so casually. Her mind puts out questions after questions that Minseo probably has an answer to. She was unsure what’s gonna happen now, but her perception had changed. Seeing her as a comedic and soft relief has now shifted to someone headstrong and to be feared. Despite this, she felt as though she knows to lay everything out.

“I heard you know a little— from Bohyun. I could only assume not this much.” She speaks gently, for a moment there, the person she knew returns."

“Yeah— but— not like this,” her shoulder shrugs. She still felt uncomfortable. “I didn’t know about killing or whatever…” her eyes gaze cautiously. “Does Bohyun— do this, too?”

“No— his family just deals with the tech things and what not— nothing illegal. Nothing about killing. They operate overseas, our family acquainted with each other here in Korea. We’ve had a long history so…” she hands back her purse as some sort of peace offering. “I promise, Bohyun didn’t keep anything a secret from you. This— what I do, I told him a long time ago even before you were around. So it’s between us. At least, as far as I know.”

hm… Elena mutters in a weary tone, watching Minseo finish up her dues. It was weird. All to weird for her.

“Why were you here anyway…?”

-

“Have you lost your fucking mind—?” Bohyun storms in to the CRM office, with Minseo just as surprised they weren’t able to stop him. “Let’s talk, about what Elena saw—“

Her eyes look over at the apologetic guards bowing their heads, excusing them gently so not to make them feel even worse as they are left alone. “Goddamn you’re worst than Wenhan— he shows up undetected sometimes.” He huffs, pacing around her office floor. “You know you can’t just come in here and start screaming at me— let alone make the poor security chase after you.”

“How much did she see—“

“Everything, including the dead body. And my hand is injured aren’t you gonna ask about that?” She responds nonchalant, eyes still on her work. Bohyun wants to snap her hands in half, only to retract the thoughts after seeing it bandaged. “It’s been less than a week… it’ll take time to get used to— I told her what your family does as a pre-requisite, you know. Everything else that is your personal history with relationships, including that awful bitch you had previously, no. She told me she knew a little but not all of it. You should thank me, I made you look like a saint—“

“Fuck off, Minseo—“ she was about to say something sarcastic but was cut off by his frustration. “How would you like it if I told everything to Wenhan??”

She chuckles, amused at the thought. “He knows everything about me. Which reminds me, you should go before he gets here—“

“I don’t care, I have your time, he can wait.” Bohyun was stressed. He wasn’t sure how to come to terms with it all. “I just don’t understand how you’d be swayed so easily.“

“Excuse me, she’s the one who showed up unannounced and somehow got lost at a security area. Don’t blame me,” she rolls her eyes at the thought. Of course you’re going to choose someone you deeply care for. “It’s either I call the cops or kill her—“

“That’s not funny—“

“Yes but you know you would’ve done the same thing if our lives are breached by an outsider.”

“How long will you keep thinking she’s an outsider??” He argues, slamming a hand on her desk. Minseo doesn’t budge but she does stop her work to pay full attention. It’s rare to see Bohyun in such an agitated state. “Can’t you just trust her? I don’t understand why you’re adamant of our relationship. It’s not very nice.”

“You already know how I feel about Elena, that was never a secret between us.” She prompts a hand on her cheek, trying to be of comfort some way. “She’s a lovely girl. but you know she was going to find out one way or another and her curiosity got the best of her. Did you think I want that? Did you know why she was there in the first place? She wanted to surprise me and give a lunch box for the book party next week. In the right place at the wrong time, she … found out.”

Bohyun’s annoyance falls through, his palms cover his face and slides it down in annoyance. “I’m sorry for yelling.”

“You’re frustrated. I get it. I’m sorry you had to find out this way though.”

Minseo sits in silence with a thin-lipped smile, waiting for him to say something else. She lets him be for awhile before he decides to figure it out on his own. they escort each other to the lobby, with their stance holding power over each of their perspective specialties. Both were children of the rich and powerful.

“I can’t believe she saw you… Id feel less bad if it was me.” His hands dig in his pocket with a huff. “I’m still glad you’re both okay.”

“She won’t talk. I know that for a fact.” She looks up to him with a smile as they leave the elevator. “Can’t wait for next week though.”

Bohyun rolls his eyes, seeing how out of touch this reality was for someone not in their world. He was looking at his watch to kill time and finding ways to make amends with Elena. Minseo smiles for show again and himself— well— in a civil smile.

“I promise not to get Elena in any trouble. So long as she doesn’t do anything…” She holds out her pinky for him to take, and he links his with it. “I promise.”

“Yeah yeah, just— just at the party, please be nice… you can get a bit scary with that…”

“That— I can’t promise compliance.”

[henzhaos]

“You know… I had a dream that I killed you.”

( Status: Open! )

Henry is just about to take the first sip of the iced coffee he bought himself a few moments prior, but then pauses upon hearing Elena's comment. Without thinking much of it, Henry lets out a small laugh and places his glass back on the table. He casually wipes the thin layer of condensation moisture from his hand onto his jeans. "Something tells me this isn't the first time anyone had that sort of dream about me. What did I do this time?"

After a moment of silence, the amused expression on his face slowly fades and is replaced by one of concern. It's not like he's scared of Elena, but something about the way she told him about her dream seems somewhat sinister. There's a high chance she's just trying to fuck with him, and he's doing his best not to show how uncomfortable he's getting. A part of him knows he's gonna regret asking, but he does it anyway. "So ... how'd you do it?"

[uninvitedawn]

how does your muse carry emotions ?

ANGER — jaw clenching , hands balling into fists , teeth grinding, yelling , going nonverbal , vocalizations , stuttering speech , rushed speech , slow concise speech , rambling , quiet , arms crossing , shaking head , curling lip upwards , baring teeth , tearing up , animated , expressionless , projects , internalizes , vents , withdraws , tighter movements , passive-aggressive , direct , physical outbursts , verbal outbursts , pacing , going still , anger boils over in the heat of the moment but cools down quickly afterwards , anger brews slowly but lingers longer , will act out of impulse when angry , will stew on their anger and plot revenge , holds grudges , forgives easily , forgives but never forgets

JOY — easy smiles , fighting back grins , suppressed laughter , loud laughter , giggles , chuckling , smirks , whole body laughs , covers mouth when laughing/giggling , throws head back when laughing , slaps leg , touches people around them when laughing , looks down when laughing , looks for eye contact when laughing, sparkling eyes , bubbly happiness , quiet subtle happiness , obnoxious happiness , wants to spread joy , quietly savors joy

SADNESS — crying , bottling it up , seeking distractions , wallowing , meditating and processing , avoidance , seeking out comfort , withdrawing , swallowing thickly , talking it out , internalizing it , sad smiles , depression naps , using alcohol , using drugs , seeking out sources of joy , fidgets with sentimental item , sits in silence , broods , gets moody , wants someone to share the misery , tries to hide negative emotions , nurtures others to make themselves feel better

EMBARRASSMENT / SHAME — blushing , looking away , rubbing at the back of the head , running a hand through hair , clearing throat , covering the face , laughing nervously , laughing it off , overthinking , letting it go , self-deprecating humor , deflecting , getting irritated , smiling , withdraws , crossing arms over the stomach , crossing arms over chest , hands in pockets , shoulders sinking , shrugs , falling into silence until comfortable again , talking a lot to compensate

GUILT — avoiding eye contact , shoulders sinking low , head hanging down , crying , chest aches , lashing out , internalizing , apologizing , deflecting , communicating , withdrawing , grand gestures for forgiveness , accepting fault easily , punishing themselves , martyrdom , victim complex , over-active guilt complex , healthy conscience , internalizes even after forgiveness , seeking redemption , moves on easily , denial , shuts off empathy to cope , lack of guilt / conscience , sorry they got caught more than caused harm , can’t handle knowing they hurt others

FEAR / ANXIETY — trembling , crying , sarcasm / sass to cope , humor to cope , rambles , going quiet , going nonverbal , getting angry , fidgeting , freezing up , impatience , clenching jaw , picking at nails , chewing at the lip , pulling at clothes , adjusting jewelry / clothing / hair , pacing , swallowing thickly , eyes widening , over - reacts , under - reacts , calm , logical , panic , irrational, overthinks , carefully analyzes , talk to themselves , breathing exercises , flight , fight , withdraw , fawn

tagged by: @amoresins 

tagging: @antiresolution  @051688 @minseologs @weineries  @shelikeswongkarwai

[uroborosymphony]

White were the tulips.

SEOUL, KOREA  // YIHAE’S FUNERALS.

NOVEMBER 2022  ⬩  1PM  ⬩  DAY 23 

for @jeonhaes // with the mention of @051688 @shelikeswongkarwai​ @chiaroscurote

 There is solace in death - peace - I’ve always thought. That a life taken from this disgusting purgatory we’re damned to sit through in our embarrassing flesh - was the salvation we should all embrace. Not here. Not now. Not her. 

It wasn’t your time.

The memory of her laughter still lied inside of me. Hidden under my skin, in the joints in between my bones, it was ringing into my ear, like a melody from the soul - hers. In all my celebrations, birthdays and stages, there was her presence, close to my side. In a pool of loud voices and loud presences, her discreet words, sometimes our eyes connecting, her smile responding to mine. My hand extending, the delicacy of it would often rest on her fragile wrist, Is everything alright my little doll, to which she would, even in times of great secret pains, always assure me she would be alright.

You celebrated me every time. Have I celebrated you enough. I wonder. 

For her to constantly lay her heart on a tray like a flower under the burning sun, was that heart of hers taken care of enough, was it fed enough love and water for it to survive and fully bloom?

At times, I was wondering how what she was seeing herself, when looking at her reflection in the mirrors we shared. On a night I put a dress of a delicate peach color around her petite shoulers and stood behind her, our beating hearts were so close to one another. I could feel it, my chest pressed against her back, hammering through her small ribcage, my fingers rising her chin up, keeping her head up, telling her she looked beautiful. 

The pearlescence of my tears have frozen at the edge of my darkened eyes. As if the gods weren’t allowing me cry and so, wouldn’t allow me to mourn. I made a vow, that all persecutors should know no rest until I take their lives myself, to save pure souls such as yours, Yihae, in order to purge the world from all evil. Who persecuted you - I thought. Who did this to you, for the mere breathe of life to become something you decided to reject. Did I? Did we?

Our last words exchanged were crawling up my neck, seizing me by the throat like the fingers of Guilt constricting my veins. I made promises to her, ones I coudln’t fulfill. I promised her to return, to spend time with her, to be with her. What if that was just what she needed, time, love.  

The room was filled with silence. The ceremony of her funerals was as soul breaking as beautiful and it was reaching its ends. And,I watched from the bottom of the room, the backs and shoulders of the ones who came to say goodbye to her. A silence of pain, a silence of love, a silence of hope, hope that she left this twisted world behind for a place that would be more tender to her. My eyes traveled and they rested on the remaining souls, the ones who couldn’t quite possibly find the strength to stand up and leave just yet. Gestures of tenderness were exchanged between Elena and Bohyun, sitting down rows and rows in front of me. The arch of their backs, the tilt of their heads, their whispers, the movement of their hands linking. Time and Love - isn’t that what we all need. I didn’t approach them, I didn’t approach anyone, I remained where I stood, afar. In the corner of my peripheral sight, Insoo’s frame was also standing, and In the instant I directed my eyes towards him, our gazes linked. From meters and meters away, I could feel, this crushing weight on his soul through his eyes.

I pulled the edge of the white of my hat furthur down and broke the connection.

The sound of my heels hit the ground as the white fur of my coat followed my steps, my gloved hands down the pockets of my suit pants.

If only I could taint my hands of the darkest blood to bring you back to me, I would. Yet it is our weight now, to live with the thoughts of what we could have done to keep you here, with us, loved, healthy and alive. From now, a soul as pure as yours will only know the light.

[minseologs]

Perspective Compliance pt.1

@051688 @shelikeswongkarwai

“Miss Choi, the investors are looking in to giving new proposals for possible locations in the southeast,” her eyes look at the portfolio, idly- with little interest. “but the board of directors —“

“I received the letter.” She abruptly interrupts. “They don’t think I’m fit for duty any more… right now, at least.”

The woman quietly averts her direction else were.

“Do you agree with them?”

“They requested a meeting with you in a few hours..”

Out of anxiousness in confronting her own team (supposedly), she could only gather the papers she refused to acknowledge for the time being. She looks out to the view overlooking the city from her office space. For a moment, she was an untouchable. It felt like nothing mattered.

~

“I want to know the board’s proposal to remove me from operations,” she requests in a stern manner, yet remained level-headed with her tone. “The letter didn’t state the grounds of this request and I wanted to know from all of you.”

The group of older men and women look at each other with hesitation. She can feel six pairs of eyes on her, at least. It seemed as if no one wants to say anything due to the way hierarchy is placed at work. Despite her young age, she was still the one who controls everything right now.

“If no one answers me, I can’t make a decision.”

Someone— finally decides to speak up. It was an older gentleman who seemed afraid to do so. He was here when his father first took position.

“Miss Choi, the board decided—“ a pause. For what minseo thought was dramatic effect. “There’s just… too much news, about you—“

“I’ve told our publicity that I avoid those things and more so— these reports aren’t of my reach.”

“Yes but at this point, it’s outside of business.” One argues. Two agrees.

“I can’t control that—“

“You carry the company’s name regardless.” Cautiously, the room had became even more tense. “Miss Choi. We just urge you to step away from company duties until further notice…”

“I read the papers. There’s a chance that if I step down every charitable deed I do will be—“

“They are not part of business—!”

“Says who—“

“Your father.”

Minseo slams her fist on the desk. It startles everyone in the room but they hold their ground. Her palm tightens, trying all attempts to remain calm.

“Those charities are keeping your asses on this very same seat. Touch them and I’ll make you regret ever working for me. ” Muttering coldly, everyone felt disrespected with her choice of words. “If you really want me to leave— even temporarily— it will be under my terms, and under my right. You can’t deny all works I’ve done in the company. It’s no longer my father’s, not even Hyeseo. You are all just the board and I won’t settle for your terms.”

“We can vote—“

“Then I can remove you.” Was it a power trip? Certainly. Minseo stood her ground and inhaled a sharp breath. “My decision is final and I hope you think it through. I’m fighting what’s rightfully mines. What’s out of my control can’t be helped, all I need from all of you is trust.”

By trust, they were all part of a stock that benefits their current, lavish lifestyle all due part with business in the surface, and underground. No one wants to leave, and most did not want to lose the dependency over dirty money.

-

Minseo became wary about her surroundings to the point where she takes extra caution of her surroundings. She was like a rat looking for food that didn’t exist until it’s hit with with a sudden jackpot of a rotten meal. The meal? it was her safety.

This wasn’t the first time someone had attempted to go in for a kill. Though Minseo was strong enough to keep herself safe until back up arrives, she can still be overpowered and her fighting style is messy from previous injuries she had sustain over the past decade. Agile but frail. The scuffle at the private hall leading to her vehicle was short of security, and she knew it’s about to get violent before she could alarm someone that she was in danger.

“I never understood why you’re always hated,” the man didn’t look familiar as she gets her stance ready, for whatever he was about to do. It was then when the sharp edge of a knife was seen taken out of his pocket. “It’s nothing personal.”

She stood her ground with nothing but a purse to protect herself.

“I know.”

The man lunges quickly, aiming directly to her face before she managed to dodge and use the strap of her bag to attempt a disarm. It fails and she finds herself being tossed to the ground with force. His knife stabs to the direction of her face once more but she blocks with both hands, proceeding to bite his knuckle as hard as she could before he backs away. She looks of what could be useful in the spilled items from her bag, and only her pen looked feasible.

Minseo grabs the pen in a hand, which earns a chuckle from the other, menacingly trying to get a hit multiple times but was blocked diligently on her own accord. She was over powered before the sharp edge touches her thigh. There was a pained scream rupturing from her throat the also ensues her stronger will to survive at that point. The grip on the pen becomes stronger and it was her turn to attack. Just like her, she fails but manages to toss the pen and to take the weapon away from the other’s after a brief kick on the man’s chest the sends him stunned to the wall. She wastes no time lunging for the man’s side as to what she could reach, before aiming to the side of his throat. Deep red gushes out of his mouth and all over her face, with him trying to fight back even to death.

“it's quick,” she mumbled, the knife going deeper. “Nothing personal…”

“…..mooncake..?"

She snaps her head to reality— the nickname, only familiar from a person recently. Her horrified face disarms Minseo’s survival instinct, much more to say the knife in her hands. She gets up with blood from her skin, unsure of where to begin.

Elena..!?

P.2

[minseologs]

WRITING EXERCISE: RELATIONSHIP LYRIC PROMPTS  

Elena @shelikeswongkarwai​ : aespa - Illusion //  낯선 이 기분이 묘한 Tonight , 감춰둔 본능을 이끄는 //   This awkward feeling tonight leading to my hidden instincts

Seeing Elena cope on her own while the rest of Bohyuns’s entourage mingles around him was fascinating to her considering what had happened early on the week. 

Minseo approaches her much to her dismay, Elena stood tall and treated as if nothing had happened. They stand momentarily before the two compete on who says the first word, they chuckle awkwardly like they’ve never met before. The allure of the women catches some people’s eyes that Minseo scares them off with her glares. To protect Elena and shield her further from the stress. 

“Sorry, I-” Minseo begins, still feeling sorry about it all and remembering the promise he had given Bohyun. “I hope everything is well, please dont hesitate to call me for anything. I wouldn’t want you feeling dejected about things.”

[minseologs]

There is truly only one thing I wanted to experience wholeheartedly without it being ripped away from my grasp. I wanted love— and to love. Everything that I’ve desperately wanted to stay has claw marks of what I fought for. Yet, something in me was saying that I have to figure out if I am someone that is worth to be loved.

Do you know what happens to people like that?

They resort to power; it’s the closest thing they could feel to being wanted.

aesthetic builder - chasing, begging. these are a few things I believe she struggles to cope with. she can't accept the fact that her father was right about her social perimeters regarding being accepted.

tagged by the lovely @antiresolution

tagging: @rngyis @chiaroscurote @liux14n @shelikeswongkarwai @chenosias @imnotsiho @petricur and @051688 anyone else who would like to do it.