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[shinigamiplayroom]

Support - Katsuki Gets A Support Dog

commissioned art by T1N4K3 on IG

Characters: Katuski, Kiri, introducing Diesel (Katuski's support dog) 😩

Genre: SFW - Gen/Platonic Friendship

Summary: Katsuki is plagued with night terrors, replaying traumatic scenes from previous missions and life threatening situations, making it almost impossible to sleep. Kiri sees his friend is struggling and makes a suggestion to reach out for help.

WC: 1938

CW/TW: angst, conversation about mental health, mild language

A/N: Okay so, this was not initially on my WIP list, but I'm so soft for him and since I was still in the process of building my SFW portfolio, this just felt right. It's a short one, but I don't see alot of writing that centers around Katsuki's mental health and my brain wouldn't let this go.

“Kacchan!”

Izuku’s voice echoes around him. The pull of an invisible force dragging him further into the icy black darkness swallowing him. He tries to breathe, every ragged inhale burning his lungs. His eyes widen, frantically looking for an escape, any source of light but his vision is blurring. He’s flailing, every swing, grasp, and kick slowed as if he’s fighting underwater. There’s not enough air, nothing to hold on to, his body frantic and senseless, like a live wire thrashing in a pool of water. Katsuki opens his mouth to scream.

“Stay back, Deku.”

The hollow sound of his own voice reverberates in his ears, the volume increasing until it feels like it’s clawing at the surface of his skin, threatening to rip him apart.

Am I going to die here? No-I’m stronger than this. My quirk- I can use my quirk-

He wills the sparks to form in his hand, and an unfamiliar cold feeling begins to ooze from his palm.

No-this isn't…

He struggles to lift his arm, the invisible force becoming fingers, wrapping around his throat. If he could just use his quirk he could- What the fuck? He’s straining to see, reeking black sludge leaching onto his face, impeding his vision, but the crimson liquid leaking from his hand screams through the haze. Blood. His chest tightens, gasping for air as the sludge creeps into his mouth, into his lungs.

I can’t breathe.

“Katsuki…”

I CAN’T BREATHE!

“Bakugo…Bakugo!”

Katsuki bolts up, screaming, eyes wide, and arms thrashing, hitting Kiri square in the chest.

“Bro! It’s me! It’s me!” The red head says, guarding his face with his arms.

Katsuki’s shoulders heave, his body drenched in cold sweat, as his surroundings come into focus.

I’m in my room?

His head snaps up to see Kiri sitting on the edge of the bed, his eyebrows pulling together as he cautiously observes the blonde.

“Kiri? What-what are you doing here?” Katsuki’s voice is tight, his words choking through ragged breaths.

“You were screaming in your sleep again,” Kiri replies, “I figured you were having another nightmare…” he observes Katsuki’s hair, damp with sweat, and his hands still fisting the sheets, “From the looks of it, I guess I was right…”

Reality starts to sink in. This makes the third time this week Kiri’s had to use the spare key Katsuki gave him to wake him from a nightmare. He’s not a stranger to nightmares, but they grew into something more real, more painful, as he got older. Tonight’s hell has been an almost monthly recurring mind fuck that started around the same time he was attacked by that sludge villain a couple years ago.

Katsuki tightens his fists, his jaw clenching as the fear wears off and the rage settles in. How? How am I still this fucking weak? In that moment, he thought the lowest he could’ve gotten was having quirkless Deku risking his life for him. He remembers straining, fighting, cursing himself for being so useless someone without a quirk had to try to save him.

Never again. He swore, after that, he would never need saving again. He trained, studied, kept his head down and resolved to become the strongest. But even after all the tests, all the work he put into honing his quirk, he was still captured by the League of Villains, putting everyone’s lives at risk, again. The results of that, ultimately leading to All Might losing his power fighting All For One, and being forced to retire as a hero.

It felt like all the work, all the fighting he had already done, was for nothing. He was still just as weak as he was when all of this began, ensnared in his own inadequacy. The scars that litter his body are a daily reminder of how much he’s endured, how far he was willing to go to prove he was worth something. But he’s found himself aligning them with his failures, using them as fuel to keep pushing. I have to be better than this. I have to get stronger.

“Hey…Katsuki…?” Kiri puts his hand on Katsuki’s shoulder, pulling him out of his thoughts. “I know you said not to talk about this and all, but I think maybe you should-“

“Stop right there, Shitty Hair-“

“Just…just hear me out, man,” Kiri continues, placing his other hand on Katsuki’s opposite shoulder now, turning his body to look him in the eyes. “Have you ever thought about talking to someone about this?”

Katsuki raises an eyebrow, grimacing at Kiri’s question.

“Tch. I’m not broken, shit head,” Katsuki mutters. He pushes his sheets back, swinging his feet off the side of the bed, practically knocking Kiri onto the floor. He roughly pulls the nearest shirt down over his head, turning his back toward his friend as he glares out of his dorm room window. “I didn’t give you a key so you could come in here and lecture me. I just have trouble sleeping, alright?”

Kiri opens his mouth to speak, but closes it. Instead, he walks up beside his friend, shoving his hands into his pockets as they both look out into the night. He keeps his eyes forward as he speaks.

“Ya know, you’re kinda the manliest guy I know.”

Katsuki side eyes the red head, folding his arms across his chest.

“I mean training with you, taking villains down with you…seriously, how many times have you had to save my ass?” Kiri laughs, “You’ve always had my back, man. Never thinking twice, never backing down. You’d think just lookin’ at you, you couldn’t be afraid of anything.”

Katsuki doesn’t respond, his eyes locked on the window in front of him letting his vision blur out of focus as he listens to Kiri’s words. Fucking right, I’m not afraid of anything. He couldn’t afford fear. With his quirk came expectations. Eyes always watching, waiting to see what he would do next. He couldn’t be afraid of anything, because that would hinder his logic. For him being weak was never an option.

Yeah, he might be aggressive. To be honest it wouldn’t be too far off to say he’s an asshole, but more than half the shit he’s screaming at his classmates is shit he’s also screaming at himself. Pushing himself to be the best, to be the hero that people believe in, that people can rely on. But how can he expect anyone to rely on him, when he can’t even believe in himself?

Kiri shuffles his feet, putting his hand on the back of his head as he speaks, “All I’m saying is…it’s manly as hell to ask for help.”

Katsuki snaps his head in Kiri’s direction, opening his mouth to combat him, but Kiri is already speaking.

“You know I got your back bro,” he says looking over at Katsuki, “but you gotta have your back too ya’ know?”

Katsuki’s eyes widen as Kiri’s words slide something into place in his mind that he hadn’t realized until that moment. Would he be standing in his own way if he chose not to talk to someone about this?

“Alright, Shitty Hair. I’ll bite. Losing as much sleep is probably going to fuck up my training and I’m not about to let myself fall behind so…if I do this ‘ask for help shit’ I don’t wanna hear a single word about it again. Got it?”

Kiri’s eyes lit up as he looked Katsuki in the eyes, “I said I had your back didn’t I? No way I’d let you fall behind.”

“That’s not what I asked you,” Katsuki says pointedly.

“Yeah, yeah.” Kiri laughs as he walks over to Katsuki’s phone charging on the nightstand. Katsuki catches it with arched brows.

“Now we gotta call your mom.”

“What?!”

************************************************************************

3 months later

************************************************************************

“Come on, D,” Katsuki calls to his Kai Ken breed, trotting behind him as he walks into his room. The rich brown and caramel colored dog sits on the floor at the foot of the bed, waiting patiently for Katsuki to finish his nightly routine. Calendar check, charge phone, sleep clothes, dog food. That was one of the things his therapist recommended he try to maintain before bed. Said it would “help prepare his mind and body for rest,” or some shit like that.

Katsuki snorted at that, he recalled asking how doing the same shit over and over would help him sleep. To which the woman with the notepad asked him if he ever found himself thinking about his nightmares before bed. Of course he did, never knowing if he would get a peaceful night's sleep or jolt awake, fear clinging to his skin like cold sweat.

Hell, who knew that kind of shit would actually work? Katsuki smiles to himself as Diesel sits up, tail wagging and tilting his head as he watches Katsuki pour fresh food into his bowl.

“Come here, boy,” Katsuki calls to his support dog, who happily trots over tongue lolling out of his almost smiling mouth. It’s hard not to feel the warm sense of comfort spreading through him when he squats down, patting his back affectionately. The feelings of anxiety, usually accompanied with the prospect of sleep, waning like a falling tide as he moves to refill Diesel’s water.

His phone vibrates on the nightstand and Katsuki grabs it, reading the newest notification.

Shitty Hair: All good bro?

Katsuki rolls his eyes, smiling as he types his response,

Yeah, yeah. I’m good. Get to bed.

Shitty Hair: Alright, alright. Just keepin up with my duties as an A.B.

“Jesus Christ,” Katsuki laughs at the muscled arm emoji Kiri just had to add to the end of that already obnoxious response. He remembers the dopey grin on Kiri’s face when he asked him if he would be his accountability partner.

“Hell yeah, I’ll be your accountability bro!”

“It's an accountability partner, dumbass,” Katsuki replied, shoving Kiri’s shoulder.

“Yeah, but accountability bro sounds so much cooler.”

It was another annoying suggestion made by the therapist UA’s Guidance Counselor, Hound Dog, referred him to. She said it was a common help for patients with post traumatic stress disorder, the condition she diagnosed him with. He was surprised when he heard the diagnosis for the first time, he just thought he was having shitty recurring nightmares, but what she said made sense.

Hostility, self destructive behavior, the nightmares playing flashbacks of moments he wanted to forget. All symptoms of PTSD, which he wouldn’t have known without Kiri convincing him to tell his mom about what was going on. It’s likely he’d be in the same hell he was in three months ago if he’d put it off. Shit, it might’ve even been worse after everything that’s happened since then. Diesel nudges Katsuki’s leg while he stands by his side, looking up at him while he waits for him to get into bed.

“Alright, alright,” Katsuki smiles, setting his phone down and sliding under the sheets. “Get your ass up here.” He pats the space beside him, allowing Diesel to hop up and lie next to him. “No droolin’ all over me this time, got it?” He scratches the top of Diesel’s head, patting his back while he thinks about how crazy it is how much getting this dog has helped him. He can’t quite place the unfamiliar feeling of warmth that spreads through him when he drifts off to sleep, knowing even if he woke up in the middle of the night, he would have a friend by his side.