#skeever: god this guy again. get lost already.

[dreadreflection-if]

Who or what is Skeever?

Skeever is a large piebald raven, and is Firan’s (unwilling) familiar!

[nientedenada]

The Time Martin Septim Turned Invisible

I get really into role-playing my game, and it was time to escort Martin to the Imperial City to light the Dragonfires. I’d played Oblivion years ago so I knew the poor guy was doomed, doomed, doomed, and I decided to take our final trip together very seriously and formally. No fast travel: we would ride together all the way to the Imperial City, even though I hadn’t bothered to download a mod to make horse-riding practical. Martin would have a farewell guard: me and my companion Vilja and our wolf, Wolfgang.

It was supposed to be a melancholy, bittersweet farewell. It got ridiculous quickly. Thanks to Bethseda’s bugs (and the Vilja mod). I ended up with tears literally streaming down my face from laughing so hard.

To set the stage, here’s our crew reassembling after the millionth time we lost Martin. By this time, a grizzly bear had already killed my horse. I’m the Dunmer stealth archer in the middle. The Adoring Fan suddenly showed up half way between Bruma and the Imperial City to be our torchbearer.

The journey down from the mountains was one mishap after another, but not ridiculously buggy. I got used to Martin charging skeevers and yelling “Fight fire with fire” (no fire in sight), my horse got eaten by the bear, Martin’s AI went wacky and he’d just wander away with no warning. 

The road leads us to Aleswell, a small village I hadn’t visited yet. Out of curiosity, I called a halt and went into the inn with my retinue. No one’s there, then a voice informs me that everyone in this town has been turned invisible by a local mage.

Ok, it’s a side quest. I’ll do it later, sounds fun. We leave the inn and WHERE’S MARTIN?

I go back into the inn. He’s not there. I run up and down the road, no Martin. Fast travel around, still no Martin. I’m supposed to be getting the Emperor of Tamriel to the Imperial City to light the dragonfires and save the world from Mehrunes Dagon and I’ve lost the Emperor.

Until I literally RUN INTO HIM. 

Yes, Martin Septim is now invisible.

The game has decided that he’s one of those invisible villagers: solid logic. And he won’t leave the village either, ruining my plan of just bringing Chancellor Ocato an invisible Emperor. I try a lot of ways of solving Martin’s invisible-villager mid-life crisis. He won’t talk to me, I can’t move him, spells cast on him don’t work, he doesn’t react to me punching his invisible bulk.

At last I decide to steal his horse and ride off into the distance. He didn’t like that so he reappeared. Problem solved.

Wait, why is the horse floating sideways up the hill while Martin looks sorrowfully at me, “Farewell, I am going to a better place.”

Martin’s horse is demonically possessed from this point on. It mostly floats backwards. If I’m walking away from it, Martin tries to ride after me, but it’s one jerk forward, two jerks back. The horse is flailing and Martin won’t get off or talk to me anymore.

Desperately, I kill the demonic floating horse to get Martin back on the ground. Martin’s had enough. He pulls out his sword and runs after me “FOR AKATOSH!”

“By the gods there’s a psychopath on the loose!” shouts the Adoring Fan.

I and the Adoring Fan run away. My companion Vilja and my wolf dog fight Martin. Since everyone is set as essential, it goes till Martin is lying unconscious on the side of the road. Then we all run away to hide in a ditch.

Group shot as Martin returns to consciousness.

Martin and dead horse in background. I’m the archer crouched in the bushes. Vilja in the Crusader armour is healing me from the holes Martin made in me. The Adoring Fan hesitantly returns to the scene of the crime. My wolf runs away.

Martin apparently suffered amnesia. We’re all friends again.

We did get to the Imperial City eventually, after Martin’s long hunt for every damn mudcrab under the bridge, and when Captain Steffan greeted me inside, having apparently ridden from Bruma by himself and leaving me to deliver Martin, I felt like punching him in the face. 

And thus was my Champion of Cyrodiil driven insane before she ever set foot in the Shivering Isles to mantle Sheogorath.