#skelotom tarot

[skelotom]

Big things happen often happen slowly, but they still happen.

I feel like I am taking a decidedly passive approach to transitioning. I am just kinda letting things happen. A part of me wishes changes from hrt were more obvious, that I would be forced out of the closet and forced to actually make an effort. But that would also be scary. I still have work to do before that point. Still working through electrolysis. Still procrastinating on voice training. Still enjoying the safety of doing the bare minimum.

Even if change comes in the end anyways, it is probably best to be less passive than the glacier if you can manage it.

[skelotom]

Hai Frends

Slime does not have a beeg following but slime still want to halp

-slime

If you haven't heard, Kayla (Kaylasartwork) is in a dangerous situation and could use some help. I will make a custom slime rendering for anyone that donates $5. Just send me an ask with a screenshot of the donation (once it has gone through) and a sentence or two describing what you want in your slime companion.

If you can't donate, I understand. Please at least consider passing this along or signal boosting Kayla's post <3

-skelotom

[skelotom]

I haven't seen most of my family in quite some time. I think they prefer it this way.

They have never been ones to mince words or care what others think of them. They embrace their hatred. They see it as a way to view themselves above people like me. The last time I saw them it was like I wasn't even there. Just met with looks of disgust and occasional loud comments of "I identify as ___". I wasn't a person to them, just an object of their ire.

They are jerks. And yet, a part of me wishes I could somehow change their opinions a little bit. Cool their burning hatred to a more tepid strong dislike.

Your family is what you make it. Not the relatives you are born with, but instead the connections you make and lives you touch. I would be lying if I said this didn't hurt though. I wish things could be different.

[skelotom]

Sometimes we have to hide who we are to avoid detection. Other times we feel eyes boring into us wherever we go.

The watchers aren't always malevolent, but a fair few are. The ambiguity that comes with that is terrifying. I have a huge amount of respect for those that don't care about the watchers. The ones that can be unapologetically themselves regardless of how others perceive them.

It shouldn't require bravery to be yourself. We shouldn't have to be worried about existing in public. We should be allowed to live our lives, life is far too short to spend it not living as you.

The reality is many of us remain invisible when we're offline. It's scary out there. I hope we can all be ourselves one day without issue. I hope we never have to fear the watchers. I hope we can feel safe enough to let ourselves be seen.

[skelotom]

You feel the weight, but it isn't usually apparent just how bad it is until you're free of it.

Through college my friends made an effort to use my preferred pronouns and I am really thankful for that. It had the unfortunate effect of making those little instances of misgendering just a little more apparent when they did happen. I found that I would become really depressed during breaks when I was back home. Hearing "boys" yelled from across the house, or "my son" when I came up in conversation was not a fun time. On their own, these little instances aren't the end of the world, but they certainly start weighing on you after awhile.

Just know that you won't have to carry this weight forever. Sure it might grow at times, but with support it can also shrink.

Friends and found family can move mountains. Hang in there, you'll find yours, or they will find you.

[skelotom]

There were multiple potential catalysts that could have set me on the path to trans my gender.

Learning about trans people in an anthropology class didn't do it, having a ftm roommate for my freshman year of college didn't quite do it.

What ended up being "the one" thing that sealed my fate is incredibly dumb.

SCP is a fictional organization that serves to contain anomalous objects and entities. One night I was reading through the wiki for fun and then I got to SCP-113.

"When SCP-113 comes in direct contact with the flesh of an organism possessing sex chromosomes, the organism's physical characteristics associated with gender and biological sex are transformed (including genetics and secondary sexual characteristics), either reversed or altered."

Reading that and then thinking "I wish that would happen to me" set off some alarm bells. Finding this reddit post and stumbling into r/egg_irl later that same night sealed the deal.

What was previously just kind of a background feeling of unease and disgust now had a name. Gender Dysphoria.

[skelotom]

It is safe to say I've never actually liked how I look. There was just an overwhelming indifference to it all.

Before transitioning I felt a sort of twisted pride in this fact. It was a shield against vanity. After all, how could I be vain if I didn't care at all about my appearance?

A consequence of starting to care about myself is suddenly taking in interest in what I look like. Shocking, I know. In this regard, mirrors aren't fun. Neither are cameras. Friends and classmates found it hilarious when I would recoil when accidentally turning on my phone's front facing camera. I didn't find it quite as funny. Cameras are evil creatures. Anyways, back to mirrors.

I hope for a day where my relationship with them changes. It might be a long way off. But just imagine being able to look at your reflection with genuine pride. Imagine feeling things besides loathing and detachment.

Imagine looking at a mirror, and actually seeing yourself.

[skelotom]

Thank you @ralathehuntress for the incredible generosity from you all. I am certain Kayla is extremely thankful.

We believe we sourced the slimes that you all were looking for. Apologies about the delay, some were rather elusive. We are sure you can all guess which ones were a bit camera shy or uncooperative.

Lana was interested in a purple pony slime with a mask. This slime can be rather timid at times, but is also exceptionally caring. Ivy was interested in a green plant slime. This one has an affinity for cabbage and loves to bask in the sun. It'll be a friend to anyone that loves plants. Lizzie and Eddie had requested a blue bear type slime and a smaller red one. These two are a bonded pair and get along quite well. Even if they aren't talkative, they thoroughly enjoy each other's company. Evan had requested a clockwork slime. We aren't actually sure what this slime uses the gears for, but it does have a fascination with machinery. Sparkle requested a golden glowing slime. This one is sure to brighten up any space, it literally emits a bit of golden light. And lastly Crystal requested a punk slime full of personality. We will admit this slime is rather chaotic, we haven't actually seen it sit still longer than 5 seconds.

We hope that you all care for these slimes and we are sure they will care for you all in turn. Thank you for giving them a good home.

[skelotom]

Sometimes it takes a friend to persuade you to live a little.

I really don't like drawing attention to myself in any capacity. So even though I loved the idea of painting my nails, it is also something that kinda terrified me. My friends are often more supportive of me than I am of myself, so they would try to encourage me to do more than nothing. One night I finally caved, drunk friends can be very persuasive. Painting your nails is such a small thing, and yet I enjoyed them just as much as I was anxious about having them. Which is to say I liked them a lot. Gender euphoria is a very rare feeling for me.

Unfortunately, I haven't painted my nails since. Shortly after this I had my architecture thesis presentation and graduation. I started working full time in an office not long after that.

I might be afraid of nothing. It might be perfectly fine for me to wear nail polish again. I don't know.

I just know that I miss it.

[skelotom]

To me, transitioning feels like a long path with no clear destination.

Looking back it's obvious I have come a long way. My hair is well over a foot longer than it was 3 years ago. Even though I really need to gain weight, HRT is still working with what it can. The fully realized version of me I want to exist as feels so far away. I just hope I can make it there, regardless of how long it takes.

For many, this journey can be exceptionally isolating. Losing family is tough to experience. Growing apart from friends even when they're supportive isn't fun either. Can't exactly be "one of the guys" when it is increasingly obvious that you're no longer a guy.

Fortunately, this isn't a journey of complete isolation or doom and gloom. This is a fantastic community, I have already met so many incredible people during my travels. Even if the destination isn't clear, there are certainly highlights in the journey.

Take each day as it comes. Your horizons are vast and there's a whole world out there for you. I wish you all the best on your travels.

[skelotom]

It took me quite some time to come to terms with being trans.

For a while I was mentally at war with myself. I would walk for hours just trying to think my way through it. Surely I would find a solution to this that wouldn't cost me my friends or family. No such solution exists, especially if it stops you from being the real you.

This was a lot to work through, a lot of it I'm still working through. Internalized transphobia is a fickle beast...and when you can't even escape the very real external transphobia that fuels it, it becomes problematic. It doesn't matter how many miles I walked if I would physically end up back where I started. Back home, where the transphobia feels inescapable.

I wish you all the best on your journeys. Even when it feels like your world is against you, hopefully you can still find an escape. Even if that escape only takes the form of a short walk.

[skelotom]

o hai Erin is busy with arktecture work today. Slime maek post insted. Slime goood at art. yuor welcom

[skelotom]

This is one of those sappy stereotypical thank you posts.

The past 48 hours alone have been kinda wild. I was perfectly happy using tumblr as a glorified art journal and maybe having a handful of people enjoy my posts. There is more than a handful of you. A lot more. Like, over twenty handfuls.

I was going to do a kinda milestone type post at 50 followers with a cake and a copious amount of candles. With there being so many of you, the candles got out of hand and the cake is on fire. I hope you're all happy.

Also I can't post this without thanking @deadeyedfae and @welldrawnfish. Without them, there wouldn't be a bonfire of a cake.

I never imagined having any type of audience here and I'm glad my art can be enjoyed by you all. I'm really excited to see where this goes.

More to come <3

[skelotom]

Closets in closets in closets.

I'm not sure if I'll ever really escape it. It's tough seeing how my parents look at me and overhearing the occasional comment I really wasn't meant to hear. I've been on hrt for 1 year and 9 months and find myself just hiding all of it, endlessly retreating back into the closet. The last thing I want to do with any of this is make others uncomfortable. The easiest solution is to not really be myself at all.

The problem is in those fleeting moments where I don't have to be in the closet.

I still don't know how to be me even when I'm allowed to.

[skelotom]

Even though you wish to remain anonymous, thank you so much for your donation!

This slime loves to blend in and stay hidden too. Supposedly, it can even change color! It doesn't see any reason to change from its favorite colors though. Instead, it prefers wearing a top hat to blend in. Truly it is indistinguishable from the average person. With that being said, we strongly suggest keeping it away from financial institutions. We imagine it would get up to all sorts of mischief there.

Please take good care of them!

If anyone else would like to adopt a slime, apply here!

[skelotom]

It's really easy to want to play games instead of facing everything else. Everything else is scary... and complicated.

In Elden Ring I can bap enemies to death (or continued undeath?) with a pair of greatswords, and look fantastic while doing it. Problems in that game are easy. The particulars of the problem never really matter because the answer is always "greatsword". For several reasons, this approach to problem solving is less applicable in real life. For one, I don't own a greatsword. Also having a greatsword likely wouldn't help much with my job, although further testing is needed on that front. Surely it has an architectural application that I'm just missing.

So uhh yeah. Videogames are fun sometimes, swords are neat, and best of luck in your ongoing battles.