#sky vents like amogus

[skyllion-uwu]

Mostly doing good but also I couldn't sleep very well last night despite being on the boat (the rocking usually conks me out and I sleep the best sleep ever in the world). Then I woke up sweating (may have been too hot in general because everyone else said it was kinda hot but that's usually a sign of a nightmare), is it over for me

[mx-mind]

Wow I feel better after therapy. I either have the choice to a. Continue healing and being open about what's going on and letting people in my life, or b. Immediately re-expose myself to my triggers to set myself back and block out everyone out because I'm fiiiiiine

[skyllion-uwu]

if this isn't out of line for me to say, you can just call yourself ace. you don't need to pick a specific label, a lot of ace folks don't. anyone who tells you otherwise or says you're lying is a moron.

While I know this and I'll say it to others, for some reason my brain refuses to accept that for myself. Like if someone just calls themself ace because they generally fit the spectrum, cool! You don't need microlabels if you don't want to use them! Only you can define your identity! I try to do that? I'm an imposter because WELL THERE WAS POSSIBLY ONE EXCEPTION SEVEN YEARS AGO and OH YOU LIKE EXPLICIT FAN WORKS (never mind that you experience sex repulsivity when looking at real people, that doesn't count because as we've established there's stuff you do like). I really thought calling myself aego would get my brain to shut up but it didn't so I'm stuck at square zero again

[mx-mind]

"You had a lot of confidence when you had a job and now that you don't it's all gone" Mom you have NO idea

[skyllion-uwu]

In person therapy today. The thing hasn't been haunting me as much (like I think only one or two things have popped up in the last week) (mostly because I've been throwing myself into whatever will distract me and take over my thoughts instead and now that I know I'm gonna talk about it I'm feeling sick) but. It would really help to explain all of it to at least one person so I can stop burying it because dear fucking god it affected me so much more than I initially thought and just because I'm okay right now doesn't mean it's not gonna come back like earlier this month where I could barely eat. But doing so might send me into "isolate yourself from everyone so you can't hurt them" mode so. Heads up if I'm acting weird later 👍

[skyllion-uwu]

Has it occured to people that the best way to stop their dog from running up to people and growling at them is to FUCKING LEASH YOUR DOG

[skyllion-uwu]

Scared to release Round and Round We Go because I see what happened to Welcome Home and The Amazing Digital Circus and the last thing I want is people looking at the scraps of "Hey there's deeper stuff going on here" and running away with it and acting like it's a full fleshed story and making millions of AUs when the character's personalities are barely established but they act like that's all and a shit ton of explicit art is made when I haven't even decided how I feel about that and all this happens when THE STORY HAVE BARELY BEGUN STOP THIS ISN'T ALL THERE IS

[skyllion-uwu]

Should I even try to fix anything anymore I mean considering this is the second time in a row I've been forced to do virtual appointments then it must mean I'm not allowed to be able to ever actually talk about it right? Like it's a sign to just shut up about this stupid thing and ignore it forever

[skyllion-uwu]

I think everyone who told me I wasn't actually ace, I'm too young to know, or kept trying to get me to hide it when I was younger owes me $100000000 and my therapy bills

[skyllion-uwu]

Someone found the vent post I made around when I started to realize the full impact of my trauma and I've been feeling like "Nothing's changed I'm still feeling shitty and get nauseous talking to people about this subject" but looking back at the post I can see I have improved. I don't get deadly nauseous anymore, just kinda queazy. I can actually set my foot down and tell people I can't talk about it at that moment instead of it getting to breakdown point. I brought it up to the therapist. Kind of a lot in only 1.5 months. I should start acknowledging that I am slowly improving huh

[skyllion-uwu]

I'm gonna become the actual Joker right now I got a notice that I got a small business deposit meaning someone linked my bank account with theirs and NONE OF THE VERIFICATION METHODS ARE WORKING I HAVE A LOT OF MONEY IN THERE AND NOW I HAVE TO FILL OUT A STUPID FORM SAYING IT'S ME AND WAIT FOUR DAYS

[skyllion-uwu]

Not logging in to see THAT reblog in my notes. I already blocked them but I'm fucking shaking right now and I can't tell if it's anger or stress

[skyllion-uwu]

Apparently yesterday my boss kept inquiring Veronica about our personal lives (specifically about our dad's family and ethnicity????) which is. Come on. You're not allowed to do that. But Veronica RESPONDED and now I'm paranoid as fuck she's going to start drilling me on it to see if our stories match up when THAT'S NONE OF HER BUSINESS

Anyone have resources for this sort of thing in case it comes up during our one on one since she scheduled a whole ass hour for it when literally I'm here to wash dishes and make money while I try figuring out how to get my creative projects finished

[skyllion-uwu]

Oh oops that's not anxiety that's "you ate too much and you feel like you're gonna throw up even hours after the fact!!!!!"

[skyllion-uwu]

I FUCKING KNEW SOMETHING WOULD HAPPEN TODAY I FUCKING KNEW

What if I hid in a hole forever and never talked to anyone again

[skyllion-uwu]

My mom was telling a story about a senior dog getting adopted and dying after a month and I teared up but still couldn't cry and she told me to not cry but then I said I needed a cry and she said "Oh okay maybe that's a good thing in that case". Then my dad made fun of me by being like "It's not a Pixar movie" Dude I haven't even cried at the Up opening that means something is fucked! Shut up and let me cry!

Also my mom and Veronica were talking and my mom said something about how she'd always love both of us no matter. Is that a sign I should talk to her about what happened