Maybe in another lifetime ─
"Are you still staring at him?" Sasha spoke as she walked up to you.
You sat quietly hugging your knees to your chest as you watched Jean training with Mikasa.
A sigh escaped from her lips, sitting down next to you. "He's too oblivious to all the signs you've given him. I'm sorry... but he's a lost cause, y/n."
"I don't know what's worse..." you continued. "Giving him obvious signs and have him see me only as a friend or stand by quietly as he chases the girl that is only fixated on Eren."
"Are you even sure she has feelings for him-"
"Obvious." You stated. "There's no way someone who goes beyond protecting them and trying to do everything to make sure they're okay to not be seen as having a crush on them."
"I mean they did grow up together... those three experienced tragedy that same day."
"As much as I want to take him out of my heart... it's impossible." Your eyes started to become glossy. "But I don't know how much I can last feeling this way..."
Sasha rubbed your back gently up and down. As much as she was friends with Mikasa too she knew you'd be the best person to be with Jean and not her. She pulled you into her and you rested your head on her shoulder letting the tears spill.
"I think you need to move on. It's not doing you any good to hold on to someone that isn't going to think or feel the same way about you."
You wiped the tears away from your cheeks. "I know..."
Jean was obvious at the scene that was 30 feet away from him. All he was focused on was on her, trying to get a glimpse any time he could not even bothering with fighting against her.
His heart was beating too fast and his face was flustered making it obvious that the red marks were not even from the punches she had inflicted up on him.
"Jean." She said halting her movements. "You asked me to help you train but you're not paying attention."
He looked away rubbing the back of his head. "S-Sorry... I got distracted."
"Then we can train some other time when you decide when you're not distracted-" Mikasa spoke turning on her heel ready to leave when Jean grabbed her hand stopping her from leaving.
"N-no!" He stuttered. "I'm fine really! I'll started paying attention now I swear... I really want to get better."
She sighed and nodded pulling her hand away. "Alright, this is the last time. I don't have enough time left to help you I have stable duty soon."
"R-right! I won't waste your time any more."
They went back to their original fighting position. On three, Mikasa then moved froward ready to punch him but he moved back missing her hit. Jean smiled and continued to counter attack any move she threw at him.
As soon as he was getting better he started to get distracted making Mikasa hit him harder than she actually intended to. Her fist connected to his nose, making him fall back onto his back. A drop of blood started to trail down his nose and onto his lips.
Even though she often got annoyed with him at times she felt bad for going to hard on him. "Are you okay?" Mikasa asked as she gave him a hand.
"I'm fine..." He mumbled holding his nose with one hand and accepting her help with the other.
Mikasa pulled him up and got close to inspect his nose. "It doesn't seem to be broken." She mumbled holding it carefully in her hands.
Jeans face turned a dark red, realizing how close she was. His heart fluttered seeing how beautiful she looked up close, how dark her hair really was compared to her pale skin. His eyes and mind focused only on her knowing he would never get another opportunity.
"I should take you to Hange but I have to go, here." She said handing him a piece of cloth. "Keep your head up for awhile until the bleeding stops."
"Thank you." He turned his head back and pressed the cloth to his nose, pinching it. "You can go now I don't want you to get in trouble."
"Okay." She bid him goodbye and quickly ran out of the training grounds, passing by you two.
A crack within you broke as you saw how close they were. The way she held his face in her hands would make it noticeable to anyone else that they were a couple. It pained you how much he was willing to get hurt to get a second or a minute with her.
He was truly in love with her and as the days passed you were slowly losing him to someone else.
You stood up as your head hung low, you were hurt and the longer you stayed watching him the more difficult it was to erase that image out of your mind.
'He looked the happiest he has ever been...'
After Mikasa left Jean then walked over to you too, of course not recognizing the situation at hand. "Hey, guys weren't you supposed to be on cleaning duty?"
"Jean-"
You didn't stay for long, you quickly wiped away your tears. "We should go Sasha..."
He looked at you with furrowed eyebrows. "Is something wrong? Are you okay, Y/n?"
"I'm fine." You mumbled and walked away.
Sasha hit the back of his head earning an "ow" from him. "You really need to be more observant, Jean."
"What the hell, Sasha?" He rubbed the back of his head. "What are you even talking about?"
An exasperated groan left her lips as she ran after you leaving a confused Jean alone.
It was already around dinner time by the time you and Sasha along with the others had finished your chores for the day. Focusing on the cleaning actually helped you a bit from going to thinking about him.
"Why is Captain Levi such a germaphobe?" Eren asked. "It's going to be dirty by tomorrow again."
"It's just how he's always been, he has his reason." You answered. "I actually kinda like it to be honest... knowing you're going to walk into a clean room."
"Is that why he's not that harsh on you?"
You giggled. "I just try not to piss him off as much as other people. He's not that bad, Eren."
He rolled his eyes playfully as he cleaned the top shelf. "I doubt that, I bet he has a soft spot for him."
"I'm just that respectful is all."
"By the way," he turned around looking at you. "How are you feeling?"
"Eren I don't think that's something you be asking right now-" Reiner spoke.
"No, it's okay." You said. "I'm doing okay cleaning actually helped as well as being around you guys."
"I swear that shit head really need to open his eyes for being horse face he isn't really as intelligent as a horse." He angrily spoke.
"He's in love with Mikasa." Reiner said as he placed the books back on the desk. "I understand why but even if someone gave me all the signals you gave to Jean my focus wouldn't be on her anymore."
"I rather not continue talking about him... trust me I want to do everything to move on from him."
"You should." Eren said. "He's not deserving of someone like you."
"Eren's right." A spoke voice, you all turned around to see Levi standing there in the doorway.
"Sir!" All three of you saluted him.
"Calm down." He said walking to all the places you guys cleaned and ran his fingers across the surface. "Not bad."
"I didn't realized you'd be interested in teenage problems, sir." You teased him.
"I'm not I came here to tell you that dinner was ready." He said and leaned back against the desk. "I couldn't help but overheard what Eren was saying. You were practically screaming it out loud for everyone to hear."
Eren's face flushed red. "S-Sorry! But it's the truth, Jean is just an asshole."
"Eren." You said.
"What? You can't tell me I'm not wrong."
"Doesn't matter if you are or not," Levi said. "You don't get to talk bad about someone else unless they give you a reason to do so. It's obvious he's not going to change his mind any time soon and the longer he spends his time following her like a lost puppy, he's not going to stop. As much as you care about him, if one day Mikasa tells him she doesn't like him then all that it'll be left is a broken Jean. Even then it won't be an opportunity to save him, Y/n." He crossed his arms in front of his chest. "Some times people like him can't be fixed or they'll realize when it's too late and it's not your job to wait around and see if it happens."
You were taken back by his word as so were Reiner and Eren. As much as it hurt, you've thought about it a long time ago about that scenario.
"It's an unrequited love one you can't always win against." Reiner softly said as a sad look crossed his eyes. "Captain Levi is right... it's going to take time but you have to move on."
A thousand bricks were hitting you all at once. Deep down you knew that it was impossible to change him. Even if you spoke to him about it he wasn't going to feel the same way.
"Y-yeah..." You stuttered blinking away the tears that were slowly forming.
Levi walked over to you and rested his hand on your shoulder as a sign of comfort. "Take a few minutes to yourself but don't skip out on dinner."
You nodded. "Yes... sir."
He walked out of the room leaving Eren and Reiner to comfort you. Resting your head on Reiner's shoulder, he placed his hand on top of yours. Eren silently rubbed your back in circles.
Eren already had enough reason to not like Jean but this was just adding one too many more. You were a close friend of his and he didn't like seeing yourself get torn apart over someone he thought didn't deserve anything from you.
After a few minutes you lifted your head off of his shoulder. Reiner wiped away the tears that remained on your cheeks.
"I'm fine." You said fixing your hair.
"Are you sure you don't want to go to your room and fix your hair?" Reiner asked.
"Do I look that bad?"
He chuckled shaking his head. "Not at all, Y/n."
"Come on, dinner is waiting." Eren said holding your wrist.
You took a deep breaths and tried to relax your body, hoping that your eyes would turn back to normal. The three of you walked out together, Reiner was behind you while Eren walked in front of you moving his hand to hold yours instead.
As you walked into the dinning hall you saw your friends all sitting together. Jean sat there eating next to Connie while Mikasa and Armin sat across from them. Sasha sat next to her while Christa sat next to Connie.
Eren let your hand go as he grabbed his own tray of food along with Reiner.
"I'm going to go sit with Bertholdt, are you sure you're going to be okay?" Reiner asked looking at you.
"Yeah I'll be fine." You assured him. "Go on if anything happens I'll come sit beside you."
He gave you a sly smile and left leaving you to follow Eren to your guys usual table. As you approached the group you kept your head down not wanting to make eye contact with Jean.
Christa stood up from her seat and walked over to where Ymir sat leaving the space empty next to Connie. Eren sat across from you next to Armin.
"What took you guys so long?" Connie asked looking at you.
"Captain Levi went to check before we were able to leave." You answered looking down at your tray.
"By the way how's your nose?" Mikasa asked Jean.
Jean rubbed the back of his head smiling with flushed cheeks. "It's fine now turns out it was nothing too serious thanks to your tip."
She nodded. "I'm glad to hear that."
"At least I can take a punch from a women." He loudly spoke hoping Eren would hear him.
"I swear no one cares if you can, asshole." Eren said.
"Tch you're just mad you're not as strong as me. Without your damn titan powers you're only still a weakling." He smirked.
"You're really asking for a beat up."
Jean crossed his arms in front of his chest. "Is that a challenge? I bet I can beat your ass down sooner than you can land a punch."
"What's with you in trying to always prove some crap?!" Eren snapped standing up and hitting his hands on the table.
"I'm not trying to prove anything to you." Jean raised his voice. "I'm proving that you're nothing but a weak soldier trying to act tough when all you have is nothing but anger issues."
"At least I don't go around making people feel bad because of me!"
"Eren..." You said.
Jean looked at him confused. "What the hell are you talking about?..."
"Geez you're fucking stupider than I thought!"
By this time it started to catch everyone's attention in the room including the higher ups while some ignored it knowing it was typical for them both to fight.
"Says the one who runs into any titan he sees and doesn't bother with thinking straight!" Jean yelled. "You only think about your idiot self while you don't care about anyone else getting killed in the process!"
"For someone who states the obvious," Eren continued. "You're surely damn stupid to figure anything out-"
Jean didn't waste any more time and stood up and reaches across the table grabbing him by the collar. "Shut up Yeager." His grip tightened.
Eren glared at him. "Make me, Kirstein."
In response Jean didn't hold back anymore and threw the first punch at him. Eren fell backwards, landing on his back on the ground.
"Eren!" Mikasa yelled as she ran over to his side.
"I'm tired of your fucking crap." Jean started to make his way over to him but luckily Bertholdt and Reiner held him back. "Let me go!"
"Calm down, Jean." Bertholdt said.
Your eyes started to become glossy seeing the way he was acting. Sasha and Connie stood next to you worried.
"See you're just proving everyone here that I'm right." Eren wiped away the blood from the corner of his lips. A bruise was already starting to form. "You're too blind to see what Y/n has been trying to show you this whole time. You don't second guess or care about anyone. You only ignore her every single time she tries to talk to you."
Jean turned to look at you. "That's not true I would never ignore my friends-"
"Damn it, Jean really?!" Sasha exclaimed.
"You suck at seeing all the signs." Connie added.
"What the hell is everyone talking about?!"
Anger build up inside of you, the last thing you wanted was to let everyone know. But you were already at your breaking point.
"I like you, okay?!" You yelled, as the tears escaped from your eyes. "I've had a major crush on you since the longest but you never gave a damn or saw anything I tried to do for you."
"Y-you... like me?..." Reiner and Bertholdt released their grip on him letting him go.
"Yes!" You breathed out. "I like you, you idiot. I have ever since we met the day. I tried my best to try and find any excuse to talk to you but you never looked at all the things I ever did."
"Why didn't you say anything?..." He asked.
"I tried to so many times but you kept pushing me away." You sniffled. "Every time I wanted to talk to you all you ever asked me was 'have you seen MIkasa' or 'Do you think Mikasa saw me'. I got fed up with you always asking the same thing over and over again."
Jean looked away from you not knowing what to say. The others silently watched as you two talked. Levi and Hange didn't want to intervene but stood by in case they needed to.
"I-I'm sorry..." He apologized. "I-I didn't have a clue that you liked me that way."
"How could you have ever known? When all you did was care about her." You wiped away your tears, sniffling. "I've tried so many damn times to give up on you but I didn't. Because I had hoped one day you would come to your senses."
"Y/n..." A sigh escaped his lips. "You know how long I have liked her... I can't go and focus on someone else even if it's you."
"I do and I realize when you like someone that all you want to do is be there next to them. But what you are doing is ignoring the obvious times that she's rejected you."
"Then shouldn't you follow your own advice?" He asked looking at you. "I'm not someone who is ever going to feel the same way as you, Y/n. I'm sorry if I sound like an ass but I don't like you, not in the way you wished I would."
"I know..." You mumbled trying to swallow your sobs. "T-that's why I didn't care about you anymore... I didn't want to bother with something that was so stupid to begin with. I'm done trying to make room for you."
"Good... maybe that's the best thing thing for us is to act as long as comrades and nothing else."
"Jean, are you serious?" Sasha questioned walking up to him. "You can't throw away your friendship because of your lack of understanding-"
"I'm not!" He ran his fingers through his hair looking at the floor. "But it looks like we won't ever be able to go back to being friends. It'll be difficult for you and I don't want to be a distracted especially outside the walls."
"I see..." You mumbled and breathed out trying to stop yourself from crying any further. "The only thing I regret was not telling you sooner maybe that way it wouldn't hurt as much as it does right now. But you know what? I'm glad it finally happened... that way I don't have to bother with you anymore."
An ache ran through his chest as he finally looked at you, seeing how broken you looked. "Y/n-" Before he was able to say anything you walked out of the dinning hall, leaving nothing but silence.
"Come on." Sasha said to Connie as they ran out after you.
"What the hell was that?..." Ymir said. "Even if I found out someone liked me I wouldn't have been that much of an ass."
"You crossed the line, Jean." Bertholdt added.
"What's he even care? It's not like her feelings mattered to him anyway." Eren slowly stood up.
Jean tried to block their voices out but he couldn't. The guilt was eating at him, you two have been friends for a while now. After Marco died unexpectedly, you were the one he had turned too. The both of you tried to lean on each other and get passed his death.
"Should we go check on her?" Christa asked.
"It's best if we let her have some space, you can check on her tomorrow." Hange spoke.
Levi nodded. "Finish your dinners and anything else you still have to do then head to bed, tomorrow you have training."
Everyone went back to their dinners while whispering to one another about what had happened. Even the new recruits were adding to it making it worse.
Jean left the dinning hall all he wanted to do now was get away from everyone.
After Sasha and Connie helped you calm down, they both then left you alone in your room. As much you tried to get some rest, your mind wasn't at ease. You tossed and turned, as your eyes were stilling throbbing in pain from all the tears you cried.
"It's useless..." You sighed running your fingers through your hair and stood up, keeping the blanket wrapped around your body. You put on some slippers and walked out of your room. "Maybe some fresh air will do me good..."
As you walked down the narrow hallway, you realized how loud the crickets were at night. Not a single soul could be heard not even the captains that stayed up late at night doing paperwork. You quietly closed the door behind you and walked towards the open field.
The sky was brightly lit thanks to the big moon, small stars surrounding it beautifully. You sat down on hill that overlooked the dirt where people ran whenever they were misbehaving or during training exercises.
You started to think about everything, looking back, Jean wasn't at fault for what you felt. He had no clue what was going on with you, still the words he said was like a knife in your chest. It hurt that he didn't like you back but what devasted you more was knowing you had lost him as a friend too.
"I promised I wouldn't do the same mistake and here I am..." You rubbed your face. "I'm so stupid."
"You're not stupid."
Your hands moved back down, holding the blanket tightly once again. "What are you doing here?..."
"I couldn't sleep..." Jean answered and sat down next to you leaving a big space between you two.
It was awkward, you didn't know what to say or how to even start a conversation. He felt the same way, he knew he had to apologize but couldn't find a way to say it.
"Y/n, I'm-"
"Jean, I-"
A chuckle escaped both your lips, realizing you had the same thought.
"Y/n... I really am sorry." He said. "I shouldn't have told you all those horrible things. It was way out of line and it was wrong. It wasn't the right way to react to you."
"I'm sorry too..." You hugged your knees. "I should have come to my senses and not gone too far with how I felt. It's not your fault that you don't feel the same way... I was acting like a child and didn't consider your feelings knowing well that you liked someone else-"
Jean shook his head, cutting you off. "You don't need to apologize for anything. It's not your fault. You had every right to feel the way you did and you still do. No one picks who they like it just... happens. So don't blame yourself for liking me or anyone."
"I was hurt." You admitted. "Every day it sucked to know that I wasn't able to spend time with you. It didn't even matter to me if you liked me back or not one day. All I wanted was to hangout like we used to, before you liked her."
"Yeah... I realized we haven't properly had a conversation in a while not since..." He paused and you knew what he was going to say. "Um... Marco died."
You nodded. "It's been a long time, hasn't it?"
"I'm sorry for doing that to you. I was an asshole just like Eren said and I don't agree a lot with him but he was right." He said. "I deserved that beating for treating you that way."
"It was hard to say that wasn't it?" You chuckled lightly.
"Oh yeah." He nodded his head, smiling small."I rather do anything else than agree with him again." Jean turned his head to look at you. "I hope one day you can forgive me for treating you so badly and hurting you, Y/n. You deserve a better friend like Marco was... it should be him right now next to you than myself-"
"Don't say that." You turned to face him. "What happened to Marco was a tragedy but that doesn't mean you deserve to die too. You're a great friend and stuff happened but that doesn't mean you shouldn't be here and I'm sure Marco thinks the same."
"If Marco was here he would have put me in my place and it wouldn't have escalated this far." He said.
"Yeah... he would have." You agreed.
"I miss him..."
You reached out to him and placed your hand on his shoulder. "I miss him too, but he's not gone and as cheesy as it sounds... I'm pretty sure he's not going anywhere anytime soon."
A tear fell from his eye as he his hand on top of yours. "I don't want to lose you too..."
"There's no way that's ever going to happen." You squeezed his shoulder. "I won't go down that easy without a fight and you know it."
"I hope so cause I will bring you back to scold you, you hear me?"
"Yeah, I heard you." You chuckled.
"Do you think we can ever be friends again?"
"We already are, no matter what." You said.
Without warning Jean pulled you into his arms, hugging you tightly. "You'll always be important to me, don't forget that."
You buried your face into his shoulder, hugging him tightly back trying to remember how his scent. "So will you." You mumbled.
Although it was strange but he couldn't ignore the sudden butterflies in his stomach. But for the meanwhile he focused on hugging you, wishing and hoping that nothing ever bad happens to you.
☆ Masterlist ☆ Buy me a kofi ☆ haikyu!! blog ☆ Quotev blog!
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Of That He Was Once Sure Part 1 of A Slow Burn In The Forest series : SFW, GN READER, 1.6k wc // The one were Eren is still struggling with sorting his feelings for reader, and has a hard time reaching out to build the kind of relationship he wants. A little angst, with a slightly fluffy ending.
A Start of Something New Part 2 of ASBITF series : SFW // The one where Eren and Y/N go running for stamina, Mikasa stands her ground, and someone is a huge coward
A Wicked Curse, A Wicked Fear Part 3 of ASBITF series : NSFW, FEM READER, SHE/HER, 4.7k wc // After Eren leaves for Mikasa, he avoids y/n no matter how much she tries to approach him. Fed up with his cowardice, and hers, Y/N confronts Eren and finally confesses what fear she has been hiding.
Judge & Jury : NSFW, FEM READER AND ERWIN (!!) 1.8k wc // Commander Erwin calls the shots in and out of the bedroom no matter the parties involved
A Messy Inconvenience : NSFW, FEM READER, SHE/HER, 4.5k wc // Jean and Y/N are in a marriage of convenience, and have been for several months. There is no reason for feelings to be involved, but when someone decides to hit on Y/N at the gym–Jean has to come to terms with emotions he has no power to control.
If the World Was Ending Part 1 of In the Darkness with You series : NSFW, AFAB READER, 2.5k wc // The one where Levi skips a meal, he likes to watch the moon on his own, and loses his virginity
Bad Day a fic request : NSFW, TALLER FEM READER, SHE/HER, 2.2k wc // Levi is in a bad mood and takes it out on the people around him–including y/n. Y/N is used to his mood swings and knows exactly how to tame this Ackerman.
Like Lightning, Running Part 2 of In the Darkness with You series : NSFW, AFAB READER, 5.1k wc // The one where Levi can’t sleep thinking about Erwin (ties to soleilnomoon fic) and y/n. He likes to compare hands (and other things), has an affinity for asking questions, and discovers new things about himself constantly.
Again a fic request : SFW, TALLER FEM READER, 482 wc // Levi challenges reader to a sparring session and realizes he bit off more than he could chew
Good Little Soldier a fic request - Part 2 to Again : NSFW, TALLER FEM READER, 1.2k wc // Levi has trouble accepting defeat so he tries to demand a rematch from Y/N except, he is an idiot but also horny, there is a lot of slapping, and hands shoved down a pant.
Guilt a fic request : SFW, GN READER, 636 wc // post Erwin's death--Levi gets comforted by Erwin's s/o
A Pleasant Dream a fic request : SFW, NO PRONOUNS, 822 wc // Levi, much to his chagrin, has fallen ill and he feels weak enough to allow Y/N in all their graciousness to help them feel better.
Your Place - Safety & Fragility a fic request : SFW, NO PRONOUNS // Prompts "Is this your first time?" and "I feel safe here"
Shadow part 3 to Again : NSFW, TALL FEM READER, 0.7k wc // Levi has had a long day, and reader has made her presence known with teasing him all day, things escalate in the office
A Fire : NSFW, FEM READER, 1.2k wc // Caught in the rain, they seek shelter inside an abandoned building, there's a fire and a spare outfit
Judge & Jury : NSFW, FEM READER AND ERWIN (!!) 1.8k wc // Commander Erwin calls the shots in and out of the bedroom no matter the parties involved
SPIES AU
MAFIA AU
LAST UPDATED: 9/5/22
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