#snowcurtain writing archive

[februairy]

musim panas itu, ace harusnya mati.

acesabo, the summer that hikaru died!au. short.

warning: written in indonesian. spoilers for the summer that hikaru died. character's death

-

seharusnya jantung sabo berdebar setiap kali ia melihat lidah ace yang berputar di es loli, seharusnya. atau seharusnya perut sabo terasa melilit saat ace menyingkirkan rambut sabo yang jatuh menutupi wajahnya, ditambah lagi dengan jemari ace yang betah lebih lama di rambutnya, seharusnya. tapi debaran itu tidak hadir lagi meski iris kelabu ace menggali ke dalam mata sabo.

di bawah teriknya matahari, wajah ace terlihat memerah karena sabo terdiam menatapnya balik, memberikan izin kepada ace untuk menyapu pipi sabo dengan jemarinya. uh, sabo merasakan telapak tangan ace berkeringat.

sabo menggeser wajahnya dari tangan ace, mulai tidak nyaman dengan sentuhan ace, kemudian melangkah lebih cepat ke halte bis yang hanya sesekali beroperasi karena lokasi desa mereka yang antah-berantah ditutupi pegunungan. ace mengekor sabo dan mereka duduk bersama, berteduh di halte.

sabo bisa merasakan ace sesekali melirik kepadanya sambil menghabiskan es loli. kalau, kalau, hal ini terjadi sebulan yang lalu, mungkin lirikan ace akan membuat sabo berusaha menahan senyum dan tersipu sampai telinga, atau mungkin seluruh tubuhnya terasa panas meski mereka mengenakan seragam musim panas tipis mereka.

tapi ace yang sekarang bukanlah ace yang sama dengan ace seminggu yang lalu.

ace di ingatan sabo tidak pernah berusaha menautkan jemarinya dengan sabo, ace tidak peduli dengan pandangan sabo yang terhalang rambutnya, ace tidak pernah memerah melihat badan sabo yang terlihat samar di balik kemeja musim panas yang basah berkeringat.

es loli yang habis di tangannya menyadarkan sabo kembali dari ingatannya terhadap ace dan sabo tersenyum pahit.

suara tonggeret tidak kunjung mereda, sabo pun mengeluarkan keberanian untuk mengatakannya.

“kamu beda banget sama ace.”

omongan sabo membuat ace menoleh, matanya melebar karena terkejut. bibirnya berhenti mengulum es loli. sabo mengeratkan pegangannya pada batang es loli di tangannya, siap berlari.

alih-alih diterjang, sabo malah mendengar ace menghela nafas panjang yang membuat sabo memutar kepala ke arah ace.

mata sabo bertemu kembali dengan mata yang, kali ini, tidak seperti ace.

“aku kira tiruanku udah sempurna.” lanjut ace.

ralat, lanjut ace yang bukan ace. sabo gentar dan ingin lari saat itu juga, tapi sabo kalah cepat dengan lengan ace yang sudah merengkuhnya, erat. erat sekali. tangan ace di punggungnya menahan sabo agar tidak kabur.

kalau ini ace, sabo sudah pingsan karena kegirangan merasakan tubuh mereka sedekat ini. dada bertemu dada di balik katun tipis, paha yang bersentuhan, dan bibir ace yang dekat dengan telinganya. namun saat ini, hanya takut yang sabo rasakan.

belum lagi bisikan ace berikutnya yang membuat tubuh sabo seperti disiram dengan air es saat itu juga;

“jangan bilang siapa-siapa, aku mohon,” sabo bisa merasakan jari ace mengerat di belakang kemeja dan pinggangnya. “ini pertama kalinya aku hidup sebagai manusia, sabo. aku bisa sekolah, punya teman.”

nafas sabo tersengal-sengal. semua cara untuk kabur telah menghilang di pikirannya, digantikan dengan berbagai kemungkinan cara ace untuk membunuhnya sekarang juga.

“identitasku dan tubuhku memang pinjaman,” ace terhenti sesaat. “tapi aku benar-benar cinta kamu.”

sabo ingin muntah.

“sabo, tolong. aku nggak mau membunuh kamu.”

seluruh tubuh sabo bergetar. ia menelan ludah dan balas merengkuh ace dengan tangannya yang gemetaran.

padahal sabo sering sekali berpikir untuk mengakhiri hidupnya sendiri, tapi ketika dia dihadapkan dengan sesosok makhluk menyerupai ace yang bisa membunuh sabo kapan saja, sabo tiba-tiba ingin bisa tetap hidup.

helaan nafas sabo keras dan satu-satu.

“iya–ace… selamat datang kembali…”

jari sabo mencengkram punggung ace, bukan karena rindu.

-

ace seharusnya meninggal seminggu lalu di dalam hutan, sabo melihat mayat ace.

bersih dan cantik, seperti hanya tertidur.

tapi sehari setelahnya, ace kembali di depan pintu rumah sabo seolah-olah tidak pernah mati.

[februairy]

Traveling Plan for Mending Hearts

Finally I can post this story :)

This story is actually based on my personal latest overseas vacation and my personal relationship years ago! Hope you all enjoy it :)

[februairy]

acsb jatuh cinta seperti di film-film!au

an english version of acesabo fanfic based on an indonesian movie; jatuh cinta seperti di film-film (literally translated into falling in love like in the movies)

warning: spoilers for jatuh cinta seperti di film-film, past sabolaw, minor character death, grammar mistake as english isn't my first language (but i did try my best!).

you can find the indonesian version [here]

enjoy!

-

all things fell off from ace’s hold onto the floor right after he opened the door to the producer shanks’ working room. a worried voice coming from outside, offering to help picking up his things. 

“it’s fine, i’m good. just a little bit nervous,” ace replied while reaching out to his water bottle and put it in between his left arm. 

after closing the door, ace's eyes wandered around the room that was already familiar to him; a working space with warm yellowish lights with wallpaper-covered walls on the top half and brown wood panels on the bottom half. ace took a deep breath, then moved to face producer shanks who would be his debate opponent for the next few hours. 

"ace, ace," before ace had fully sat down and prepared himself, shanks had already held out three stacks of manuscript towards him. "i'm already thinking, your next work will be a soap opera adaptation again." 

ace frowned, “uh, shanks? didn't you say that this time you wanted to use my original script?" his voice was a little hopeful; hoping that shanks’ words were just a joke. 

the red-haired man before ace folded his arms over his stomach. "that's how it was. but now that i think about it again, you're really good at making film adaptation of soap operas. it's better to just adjust to market tastes than taking risks, ace." 

ace mustered up half his courage as he removed three stacks of adaptation manuscripts to the side. “shanks, i bring my original manuscript. don’t you want to listen to it first?" this time, it was ace who held out a thick stack of a slightly crumpled manuscript with black paper clips struggling to clamp all the papers at the corner. 

shanks took the manuscript that ace offered, flipping through the pages–but ace was sure, shanks didn’t read a thing. one side of shanks’ eyebrow raised as he looked at ace, giving permission to ace to continue speaking. 

"well, shanks. first, before i start, imagine the film was made in black and white–" 

(the dimly-lighted working room lost its color in ace's eyes, tuning into ace’s imagination which was starting to seep out of the crevices of his brain. the interior wallpaper and wood panels were no longer green and brown, but gray.) 

“black and white? our audience doesn’t like it, ace. only 15 minutes into the film, they will come to the staff, ‘is the film broken?’. how come you came up with an idea as if you didn’t know what our audience was like!” shanks immediately closed ace’s manuscript and put it back on the table. 

ace rolled his eyeballs, “there’s a meaning behind it, shanks. i promise. the colors will be back at the half-end! this is romance, romance!” 

shanks' eyes narrowed. “romance?” ace nodded. romance, suitable for the largest target market in this country. it was also easy to ask for promotions from the cinema side. “this isn't an art film, is it? commercial?” ace nodded again at both questions. "okay, try me." looks like shanks were sold a little bit. 

"this film tells the story of a film writer who wants to get his highschool crush by writing his love story into a script–" shanks looked at ace, starting to get interested. ace gave a little pause to escalate shanks' anticipation. “–but his highschool crush just lost his husband.” 

"don’t tell me, this is a sad story? no way. the audience won’t like it. make it a happy ending, man, so we can make a stunt about someone proposing to his crush after the film ends. it will be viral, for sure.” shanks looked up, already imagining what gimmicks and marketing techniques could be used for this film.

“you’ve already thought too far ahead, sir… but, yeah, it will have happy ending. calm down!” ace chimed in. after making sure shanks was convinced, “shall i continue?” 

shanks nodded, allowing ace to resume his story. 

-

sabo met ace again in the supermarket cashier line.

-

“ace? you use your name as your character’s name?” 

“shanks, this is only draft, and, yes. you want to have a personal story as an original story, right?” 

“so, this is based on your personal experience, huh?” shanks grinned widely and ace was ready to continue while holding his smile shyly. “but, anyway. why supermarket, ace? it’s too ordinary. not romantic.” 

"maybe the first meeting seems too ordinary. but if we look deeply, there is sadness in our main character's eyes, sabo."

-

sabo met ace again in the supermarket cashier line.

the last time sabo met ace, as he remembered, was at sabo and law's wedding. after that, sabo's contacts and meetings with his high school friend faded along with their respective busy lives; sabo with his newlywed life after moving to another city and ace focusing on his filming career in the capital city (sabo didn’t know the details). 

at the front end of the line, ace looked confused. sabo vaguely heard from the cashier that ace’s apples hadn’t been weighed. ace turned around while apologizing to the queueing line that was forced to halt because of him.

the corners of sabo's lips lifted slightly, apparently ace's carelessness hadn't changed either. 

ace, who had stepped aside on the side of the queue line while saying sorry, suddenly stopped and met his gaze with sabo’s. the confusion in ace's eyes turned into a warm glow like greeting an old friend. 

“sabo, right?”

there’s an air of certainty edging around ace’s voice in sabo's ears. as if ace knew, he couldn't be wrong, because there were only a few blonde haired people with a big scar on their face.

"hi," sabo greeted back. the confusion that was shown on ace’s face now had shifted to sabo’s, he didn’t know what he should say to an old friend whom he met again in the middle of a waiting line like this. "hurry and weigh those apples, many people are waiting." 

hearing the familiarity in sabo's voice, ace put the apples randomly on the side display case, as if he didn't want to lose any time with sabo. “i'll just cancel the apples, come, you can check your groceries out with mine.”

before sabo had the chance to refuse, ace already brought sabo's shopping basket. leading sabo to the cashier, cutting the line.

“uh, ace–no need to! really–" sabo gave up on taking back his shopping basket because ace had already arrived in front of the cashier. sabo could feel other’s eyes on his back, staring sharply as he cut the line. “so sorry, yes, excuse me..."

he arrived in front of the cashier whose face was already annoyed. sabo could only apologize once again. "please separate the payment, thank you."

again, before sabo could stop him, ace had brought several of sabo's shopping bags. there was only one shopping bag left for sabo to take with him, which only contained vegetables. the lightest bag. sabo sighed, good-ol'-ace just like back then. 

"ace, let's grab some coffee."

at least sabo should give ace something as a gratitude for saving sabo’s precious twenty minutes, on sunday afternoon, that could be gone in a flash just for queueing on the grocery line.

-

"that's great. i can already imagine deuce as the actor."

shanks' voice disrupted ace's flowing imagination.

"isn’t deuce too handsome? ace, here, is a script-writer... i don’t think there are any script-writers that look like deuce?” ace was half annoyed because shanks interrupted him during the fun part of the story.

"well, we just need to make his co-star no less beautiful. nico robin for example," shanks turned his chair to the left while holding his chin, in his mind there were already several possible suitable actresses and actors. “iconic couple.”

not as sweet as sabo, though. ace thought, but that would be a matter for another time. ace took the opportunity to continue his story while shanks was thinking of any potential candidates. 

-

instead of coffee, sabo took ace to the bubble tea shop (at an age where you should cut back on sugary drinks, it was fine to taste it sometimes). after all, you didn't meet high school friend coincidentally very often. their chat started with the casual pleasantries and life updates such as current business or asking for a new address.

sabo answered with a little bit of hesitation, he’d been back here for four months. without needing ace to ask why sabo was back, he felt like ace already knew the reason; the information had been spread in their high school group chat, which only got active when there was an obituary.

but sabo didn't want to dampen the mood between them, and ace also seemed to catch the look on sabo's face, even though sabo was the first to change the topic of conversation.

"what about you?" sabo asked, folding his hands on the table before continuing, "how's work?" ace looked at sabo, not sensing any bad intentions from the question. ace chuckled, scratching his black hair.

"aw, shit, we are reaching to this topic, huh?" ace leaned his back against the backrest. he felt unable to escape from sabo's curious gaze which, for some reason, ace had never been able to avoid since high school. "yeah, business as usual. write a film script adaptation from a soap opera."

“oh yeah, yeah. i watched it, your film adaptation of that soap opera, through the link that was shared in the group chat. what's the title? reincarnation remake?” very wrong, but sabo was enthusiastic.

“reborn.” ace corrected.

“reincarnation... reborn?”

ace hid his face in his arms which were folded on the table.

"what’s the difference?"

ace raised his head. "yeah, i don't know, my producer said it was catchier." his right hand shook his plastic earl gray milk tea cup. "huh, hang on. did you say you watched it from a shared link? was it a pirated site, sab?"

this time it was sabo who couldn't avoid ace's shocked gaze. “it was an official link, i swear! the quality was HD when i watched it!” sabo panicked, but for some reason, ace laughed even louder at sabo's answer which made sabo smile.

"you're a mess, man! how come you don't support your friend's work." ace shook his head, his hand was holding his left chest, pretending as if sabo's actions were very offensive to his feelings. it was sabo's turn to laugh now.

this was his loosest laugh in the last four months.

"sorry, okay? i don't really understand that kind of thing." sabo replied while taking a sip of his bubble tea drink, an attempt to get rid of the awkwardness after being caught watching a pirated film in front of his friend who worked in the film industry. "next time i'll watch your work at the cinema. what are you working on now?"

ace was pondering his decision, before finally answering.

“this time i was asked to work on an original manuscript. romance, of course. because it is always on high-demand. i'm still in the process of looking for ideas, though. but i'm thinking about making a romance for our age."

“romance? if you want it to be easy, just make it about teenagers school romance, right? at our age, we have a lot of other things to think about," sabo answered, noticing the disapproving look on ace. "isn't it? sweet and cute love belongs to teenagers, ace.”

ace shook his head as he hastily downed his drink, his tongue clicked before wagging his index finger in front of sabo's face, not sharing the same thoughts as sabo. "no, sab. people of our age can also be sweet and romantic."

"god, i can't imagine going into the cinema and watching a romance film where the main characters are already in their thirties like us," sabo raised both of his hands slightly, curling his fingers. "people at our age just need to talk nicely and discuss it if they have a problem, ace. there's no beating around the bush or kissing under the rain, we can’t be sweet and cute like school romance."

sabo saw the man in front of him chuckled, "no, no, i'm going to make a romance story between adults that can beat the sweet romance story of teenagers!"

there was a moment of silence between them before sabo broke it, "people our age can't fall in love like in the movies anymore, ace."

ace was silent, not wanting to reply back anymore. sabo had his own thoughts which he was sure cannot be shaken, but ace also had his own.

-

“you just put the title after TWENTY MINUTES IN? you're crazy, ace. and the first twenty minutes are just casual talking?"

ace smiled.

"that's romantic, shanks. the romance of adults.”

-

they talked for almost two hours until they were interrupted by a call from hack, an employee at sabo's flower shop, which made sabo remember that he had to go home. from the corner of his eyes, sabo saw ace still wanting to catch up. actually sabo did want too, there were still many things that sabo wanted to hear from his old friend. but now that sabo was back living in the capital city, he could meet ace any time again, right?

ace offered to take sabo's groceries to the car, which of course, ace had lifted before sabo could refuse.

after all the shopping bags were stored into his car and sabo said thank you, they were silent for a moment as if they wanted to stretch the time.

and that was when ace spoke up.

"do you really... won't fall in love again? have you ruled out the possibility that there might be someone else in your life?"

sabo was stunned-still. suddenly, it felt like there was a lump stuck in his throat which made sabo unable to speak. his eyes and brain tried to find the meaning behind ace's gaze and question, but to no avail.

"i... i am fine of being alone... because after–" sabo cleared his throat, swallowing the bitter taste that came from nowhere, gathering his strength to answer ace. "after law passed away four months ago, all my love and dreams were buried with law, ace."

sabo closed the door of his car, trying not to see ace's expression at that moment.

“thank you, ace. let's meet again sometimes soon." sabo smiled and waved, before driving off in his car, leaving ace in the parking lot, like the end of the first sequence of a film.

-

ace fiddled with his fingers anxiously, while shanks leaned forward on his desk. ace's anticipation amidst the silence was rewarded with the producer's words;

"i'm waiting for the next development, ace."

ace's eyes widened, he wanted to jump right here right now, but he held back. the celebration can be done any time, at least, the initial stage of the manuscript was finally accepted

"thanks, sir!"

ace withheld his smile, not only because the initial stages of his original manuscript were accepted by the ever-impenetrable shanks, but also because ace was finally able to make a reason to meet sabo again.

at least ace could used 'surveying florist for his new film' as an excuse to visit sabo’s flower shop. because ace needed to understand sabo better and his entire background, including sabo’s feelings and grief. 

[februairy]

grief that disguised as love

chapter two of an english version of acesabo fanfic based on an indonesian movie; jatuh cinta seperti di film-film (literally translated into falling in love like in the movies)

warning: spoilers for jatuh cinta seperti di film-film, past sabolaw, minor character death, grammar mistake as english isn’t my first language (but i did try my best!), grieving theme.

note: koala and deuce were married only for plot convenience and because they suited as acsb sidekicks

ep. 1 english version [here]

you can find the indonesian version ep. 1 [here] and ep. 2 [here]

enjoy!

-

hastily arriving at the apartment, accompanied by a cup of instant coffee and the sun which began to dim through the window, ace's fingers typed slowly on his laptop.

s e q u e n c e    t w o

sequence two, hm. this was the part where the character found their goal. after a few hours been spent thinking about it, producer shanks’ feedbacks were spinning in ace’s head. this and that and all manner of things that made the story even more complicated.

ace sighed, enough for today. he picked up his phone and started chatting with his closest friend while he was studying film in university.

ace: u home tmrrw with deuce?

koala: what

a few minutes later;

koala: deuce’s shooting had been canceled anw

koala: yea well be at homw

koala: home

-

"how was it? my idea?"

ace leaned his head hard on the sofa of koala and deuce's house, he sat on the floor with his feet stretched out and there was already a gaming console controller in his hands (a sign that he had used to come arbitrarily and relaxing around the house of the video editor and actor couple). 

next to him, koala sat in her home attire and a shoulder massager in her hand. her face looked as if it was swallowing bitter food after hearing ace's script idea, "honest opinion? tacky."

"why is it tacky, huh? won’t it be cute if sabo watches it, and then at the end he will realize that it turns out to be my confession?" ace scowled, turning his body slightly to face koala. "anyway, why aren't you shooting, deuce?"

deuce, who had just entered the living room with his laundry basket, simply replied with a flat face before continuing. "my director is annoying," he put the basket on the sofa, then began to fold the clothes one by one. "well, yeah, this happened a lot with a newbie director. suddenly, he went away in the middle of shooting. i don’t know when we will resume the shooting again."

"this happened often with newbie directors, huh?" ace showed interest and suddenly remembered producer shanks' words. "hey, deuce. do you want to be in my movie if you are being offered by shanks?"

the blue-haired man paused for a moment before stacking up his already folded t-shirt. "soap opera adaptation again?" his voice was a little doubtful. 

this time, it was the koala who answered (while still beating her shoulders with a massage stick). "no, this one is ace's first original script. based on his personal experience, he said. the film is intended for confessing to his high school crush. i’m so grossed out."

ace looked at deuce, looking for an ally, but deuce just turned his face away.

"hey, ace. have you asked sabo’s permission? that's his life, no? i will be furious if i'm in his shoes." said koala, as if she was trying to force a common sense to get into ace’s head.

"won’t he be moved?" deuce replied while still meddling with his laundry, he had this questioning expression, ace sticked out his tongue towards koala, 'hah!’. koala stopped her movement, she lifted her shoulder massager stick, motioning to throw it at ace. 

"now sabo is still grieving, koala. how can i tell him? he will see me as heartless." ace chimed in, his shoulders shrugged.

"what if he hasn't moved on?" koala asked, sharply.

ace was silent. "then it will be a sad ending, huh?" his hand began to touch his chin, doubting. "but, listen. the production of the film is about a year or so? i can approach him for the time being, and when the film’s aired, i will invite him and confess my feelings. that sounds great, doesn’t it?"

koala made a vomiting expression. 

"it's been a year, koala. surely, he will have moved on, right?"

annoyed, koala's voice sounded harsh by the next she spoke up; "you can't tell when people are done grieving."

deuce, who had been lost in the conversation between his friend and his wife, stared back and forth between ace and koala. confused. "aren’t we talking about ace’s film?"

the light brown-haired woman raised her hand, defeated, and stood up to walk to her desk behind the sofa. giving up talking with ace for further discussion. surprisingly, their debates often ended in nothing, but koala and ace were still friends from their university days until now. 

"whatever. i will continue my work. get out of the way, ace. i want to use the TV for editing." koala grabbed the controller in ace's hand while ace was lost in his own thought, thinking about the koala's words which, according to ace, did not make sense.

is it true that sabo won’t have moved on for over a year?

the whole pile of deuce's laundry was neatly folded, but the confusion still didn't disappear from his face.

"so… is this a true story or…?"

-

sabo was busy discussing orders with his employees when he caught ace's figure from the corner of his eye, he saw ace hesitated to enter sabo's flower arrangement studio before being allowed to.

"just come in, ace," sabo coaxed with a chuckle. it was actually casual, but sabo himself didn't know how big the effect of his smile was to ace, because ace wanted to melt in front of the door right away. "you're not lost, are you? how did you get here?"

ace pointed at his car which was parked in front of the gate of sabo's house, to which sabo replied with a thumbs up before walking towards the rows of flower arrangements in his studio. "sit down, i'll take care of the orders first. you can have a look and take photos."

after getting permission and approval from his friend, ace walked around sabo's studio while occasionally nodding a little to the employees of the flower shop. sabo’s flower arrangement studio occupied one of the room in the old house of sabo's parents, a modest house with colonial architecture in the old housing area of the capital city. during the day, the studio was only illuminated by sunlight that seeped in from the gap of windows. 

the floral fragrance mixed with the weathered wood of an old shelf, that ace could guess was an old shelf handed down from the sabo’s parents too. there are many crumbs of dry leaves and spots of blackish stains on the floor, a sign testifying to the high intensity of activity and mobility in the room. the flowers were lined up in a plastic bucket (which arranged alphabetically by the type of flower, ace noticed).

ace smiled. after so many years of not meeting sabo, this small space was able to provide a small part of sabo that ace had not had time to know. about sabo, who turned out to had participated in flower arrangement certification several times (there are four certificates displayed on the wall), about sabo, who once received an order from the mayor of a neighboring city (his photo was at the top corner of the shelf).

about sabo– 

ace's steps stopped at a framed photograph hanging on the innermost side of the studio with fresh white flowers embedded between the frame carvings.

–who started this business supported by law. 

there was sabo's sweetest smile in the photo, sabo's smile that had always taken ace's breath away since they were in highschool. a photo of sabo in front of a flower shop in his old town, embraced by a taller man with a sheepish smile and looking at sabo lovingly. 

and suddenly, all the information ace had just learned about sabo seemed meaningless.

ace's fingers, which were holding the camera, were frozen. 

from the gap of the shelf, ace turned his head weakly towards sabo who was still busy directing his employees to move the flower arrangements into the delivery box, making sure the destination address was correct. really, the grief was not visible in ace’s eyes, covered by sabo's usual attitude in carrying out his daily activities. 

but the fresh flowers in the frame said otherwise.

one year. would ace be able to make sabo drew his grief to a close?

"ace?"

sabo's voice from behind the other rack pulled ace out of his thoughts. ace hurriedly approached sabo while trying to cover the confusion on his face, "have you finished your business?" ace asked nervously which, hopefully, was subtle. 

"yes," sabo's eyes glanced at the shelf aisle that ace had just passed through and deduced that ace had seen the photo hanging there. for some reason, there was pressure in sabo's heart that passed by, but sabo ignored it. "by the way, how is it? how can i help you with the survey?"

"i– " ace cleared his throat, his fingers fiddling with the camera he was holding. "i want to see your daily life as a florist, sab." 

"are you free tomorrow?"

ace blinked confusedly. "yeah?"

"tomorrow morning, would you like to come with me to the flower market? usually, i buy flowers early in the morning at the flower market," sabo's hand moved, sweeping to one of the flower arrangements on the shelf. "because i restock fresh flowers everyday. but it will be suuuper early in the morning–"

before sabo could continue his words again, ace had already shown an affirmative nods. the opportunity to be alone with sabo? certainly ace wouldn’t miss it. their plan was further confirmed after ace promised to pick up sabo tomorrow at five in the morning.

-

sabo and ace just got to the flower market at nine in the morning. 

"so... you go the flower market this early every day, huh, sab?" 

sabo's footsteps slowed down, adjusting to ace who was busy taking photos with his camera to all corners of the flower market, as documentation for spots that would be good for shooting later. 

sabo looked back, flashing a small smile. "well… i think… this is unusually late for me." which was followed by a small chuckle. ace's face flushed, saying sorry at sabo because he overslept and was late to pick sabo up from the promised time. sabo laughed back, patting ace on the shoulder, reassuring that it was fine.

some time later, colorful flowers had diverted ace's mind from his steps with sabo getting at the same tempo. 

"why do you want to make the main character as a florist?"

ace turned his head, somewhat flustered by sabo's sudden question. he scratched his neck, looking for answers. "you see... in my mind, florist… is lovable, isn’t it?" it was sabo's turn to turn his head before ace continued “and later, the setting will also be pretty, there will be lots of flowers and very colorful. well, even if the film mostly is going to be black-and-white, anyway." 

only a small hmm came out of sabo as he continued to walk across the sea of flowers while looking right and left, trying to find fresh flowers that he could buy today. the minimal reaction from sabo made ace a little uneasy, and his brain started looking for a way to break the silence. 

"can i ask something? if you don’t mind?" ace asked, while sabo was busy bidding for flowers with the seller. sabo turned his head slightly, nodded, allowing ace to continue his question. "why did you open a flower-arranging shop?"

sabo's face looked like he was looking for an answer in a few seconds of pause.

"after graduating from uni, i came to take a liking to flowers. i think…flowers can say things that can't be conveyed with words." the tip of sabo's lips lifted slightly, but his eyebrows said otherwise, showing a bitter smile. ace caught on, there was something deeper from the colour of his voice and all of that was instantly answered in sabo's next words;

“actually, i was already going to stop this business,” and in between his words, sabo chose another bouquet of flowers. "but this was one of my dream that was realized by law’s support. for me, this is all that left of law. so… i can't stop doing this."

ace and sabo were silent.

sabo blinked quickly as if he was processing something in his brain. it was like he had just got an epiphany. he turned and looked at ace.

"i realize something because of your question, ace... not all my dreams were buried with law–"

at that instant, something felt like hitting ace's chest, pressing like it was taking his breath away; who would have thought ace's own words would strengthen law's presence in sabo's memories. 

“–my flower shop is one of them." 

sabo lifted the flowers he had just bought, then tilted his head at ace. for some reason, his movements were like slow motion and, oh god, that smile... the smile that was painted on sabo's face, which ace knew, only appeared when law crossed sabo's mind.

“pretty, right?”

this time it was ace's turn to smile bitterly. not sure how to answer; yes, pretty. but, which one is pretty? the flowers or sabo in his eyes?

sabo, who still bore the pain of losing, was still as pretty as sabo that made ace fell in love; was it mean if ace thought so?

-

the flowers that sabo bought were neatly stored in the middle of sabo's car and trunk. ace was seated behind the steering wheel, while sabo was already leaning his head on his hand draped over the window. 

sabo's eyelids felt heavy, the faint sound of ace's voice and the radio gradually sounded quieter in his ears. 

"sabo?" 

his eyes suddenly opened. "i'm sorry, i was a little bit sleepy," he smiled, scratching the back of his neck. "i only got a few hours of sleep last night because i was occasionally awoken."

ace's gaze remained fixed on the road, but sabo could see his fingers tightening on the steering wheel after hearing sabo's answer. without heeding what ace had in mind, sabo continued his own words. somehow the company of his old friend brought back the old habit of sabo with ace; pouring his feelings out without notice.

"since law passed away, i haven't been able to sleep in our room anymore," sabo's eyeballs glanced at the road, not thinking deeply about the words that came out of his mouth. maybe sabo really just needed a friend to tell stories, sharing his grief. "law's bedside was empty, ace. i can't. that's why i sleep on the living room’s sofa."

all those words were honest and sabo did not try to cover it up. in the past four months, sabo had never expressed his feelings like this. but this was ace. this time, like water in a cracked dam, sabo’s feeling seeping out, raw and bleak in the face of ace's presence. 

there was no reply from ace and sabo appreciated that. sabo just needed a person to listen to his mechanism in overcoming his grief. the silence in the car and the song that sabo did not know the lyrics couldn’t win over his sleepiness.

slowly, sabo finally fell asleep with the increasingly dense traffic, driving him slowly back to his house, until he didn’t realize ace had parked in front of his gate.

ace turned his body towards sabo, resting his face on his hands and staring at the sleeping face of the blonde man beside him. sabo's face was so calm and peaceful with no signs of fatigue on his face if ace didn’t catch the bags under his eyes that were so obvious.

ace wanted to sweep sabo's hair that fell over his face, but ace canceled his intention as means of keeping the boundary line between them or just to not wake sabo up.

ace sighed for the umpteenth time today, then he took his notepad from his bag, started typing the continuation of the script that had been running in his head this whole day long.

N A R R A T O R

In his tiredness, Sabo fell asleep like an exhausted child running all day, playing with grief that disguised as love.

there was a weak groan coming from sabo in his sleep, making ace immediately closed his notepad. 

sabo woke up and ace put the manuscript back in the bag, together with all his feelings.

[februairy]

begging for you to stay alive.

inspired by guardians of the lamb webtoon (you can find it on webtoon for indonesian version and lezhin for english version).

warning: (very, very) brief mention of suicide.

-

“fuck.”

ace can't believe what he just heard. a fake suicide mission, for sabo. a must. they need to do that for the sake of everyone's safety. he just reunited with sabo after a long gruesome fight, and now they have to be separated again to run their own respective task?

it is supposed to be easier for ace to just carry on, rather than sabo.

it is supposed to be that way because between both of them, ace is the renowned assassin while sabo is just another civilian who is tangled in this mess.

but why is all of this harder for ace to let go? why does ace come to love a man that is so selfless as long as it is for bigger cause? why can't sabo be selfish, for once. he curses at sabo with any language he can, he wants sabo to be scared, to back down, to refuse.

how come the more ace spites profanities at him, the more steeled those blue eyes are? what should ace do to make sabo stay?

ace huffs, he can count his breath. “you fucker–” and sabo stills. “i have done everything, sacrificing my life to save you–”

“–and the best you could do is dying?” his voice sounds harsh, terrifying, or terrified? still, sabo's eyes are unwavering and for a mere second, ace is almost drowning in those ocean. ace turns around quickly the moment he feels his eyes sting but sabo follows close. shit, he can’t hide anything from this man.

he feels sabo’s hand on his right cheek, barely touching, just hovering and ace yearns for more to roam his hands on every inch of sabo if his current ego doesn’t stand in the way. he currently doesn’t want to deal with that face, face that ace loves so much. in these few minutes left, ace is supposed to savor the last time they spend together, but he just can’t.

sabo’s fingers wipe tears under ace’s eyes delicately. ace aches, classic sabo, treating other people as if they are frangible and shatter easily even though ace is a walking hazard and kills for money–breaking bones and gaping holes on bodies are ace’s bread and butter.

ace turns his head weakly to sabo, facing the blond man, every muscle in his body betraying his will. he feels his throat doesn’t want to cooperate with the next words that’s spilled from his mouth. “what about me–?” sabo's eyes widen. “how could i live if you are not here?”

and sabo wants to break at that moment, all his resolutions quiver for about two seconds, but he toughens them up all over again. there are people that need him now, as much as ace needs him.

do they?

sabo shakes his head at that slivering question.

his other hand also come up to ace’s opposite cheek, holding his lover’s face before closing the gap between them. they both shut their eyes, and neither of them dare to sigh through the kiss. that particular moment feels fragile and sacred and everything they are trying to keep safe and locked away. sabo kisses ace’s eyelids after breaking away, down to his nose, and back to ace’s lips again. not leaving any single second to waste.

ace pushes into him until sabo’s back arches and sabo can feel both of ace’s hands are on his back and waist, pressing their bodies together to be as close as humanly possible. and ace doesn’t want to stop, he wants to fuck sabo senseless here and then if he could, so sabo doesn’t even think of leaving him.

time is running and sabo needs to go. he pulls ace’s hair and ace, surprisingly, complies, contrasting with his hungry lips on him.

“i have promised you many things ace, i won’t leave you.”

ace pulls him in a hug as a reply, not a bone-crushing one but a careful embrace like they are walking on thin ice.

“promise me to stay alive.”

sabo nods.

“please be determined to stay alive.”

sabo tightens his arms around ace’s neck. ace has never said it yet to him, but those words are as heavy as i love you.

so sabo says it back;

“i love you too, ace.”