#so a month ago I picked a pencil again after a looong time and swiftly after that decided
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Oh the indescribable feeling of dread after you get exactly what you're asked for
#story time#so a month ago I picked a pencil again after a looong time and swiftly after that decided#“maybe I should go to an art school like I wanted and almost got accepted into 4 years ago?”#and now after submitting my works and being told that they are “weak” I've kinda lost interest#Idk if I should follow through with this cause I hate drawing when I'm told that I need to and I hate when I waking up early#and although I can afford this education (I was planning to choose graphic design) I feel doubtful and don't know what to do#what I really want to do is travel I don't really dream of labor or career#but it is important if I want to earn a bit more than a minimum wage ig#I have only a few days to submit my works and documents then there will be exams etc. but I just woke up today and felt#what I've thought was a long forgotten sense dread and all consuming sadness and hopelessness#I just really hate waking up early and I would need to wake up at 5:30 AGAIN and I don't know if I could handle it AGAIN#Idk how I did it back in hs and college (well I kinda do since I was skipping a lot just to sleep)#and I would have just the most horrible ptsd whenever I would wake up and hear my alarm clock (like my heart would start beating so hard#I could hear my heartbeat)#Ik I'm probably overreacting but I just idk what to feel and do#moodboard
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