#so dick spends this suffering and taking psychic damage

[roipecheur]

The Batman vs. Deathstroke arc in Deathstroke 2016 could have been vastly improved if it was just Dickbats instead of Bruce. Damian, kinda fucked because Bruce is missing or out of commission or maybe presumed dead again, finding out about the made up paternity test showing that Slade's his daddy and running off after him. Dick trying to corral the fucking kid and getting way too into Slade's business as a result. Slade wanting none of this. Alfred and Wintergreen having their gay little old man hangouts in the background. Adding back some of the nemesis-ship between Dick and Slade that was lacking between the 2011 reboot and Dark Crisis. Damian stuck in the middle of this weird custody battle where Dick is battling for custody and Slade is battling against it and they are somehow still battling even though they want the same thing. It's perfect.

[j-k-notrowling]

Untitled

Hi there! Spoilers up front: this is a gratuitously long-winded “thank you,” not an Ask (also I’m 31 and don’t know how to Social Media so apologies if this is the wrong page/tab/link/widget).

--(oh actually it’s a blog post now because of course I can’t send an “Ask” this stupidly long see? wasn’t kidding about that Social Media thing...)--

I started writing my first book in the Fall of 2016. Before that I’d only written songs. One day I got an idea which didn’t fit within the usual rhymes or rhythms. I tried and tried, but kept on hitting a wall. In addition, I was fed up with the whole “business” of music—the fragile egos, the politics of being in a band, all that. One morning I sat down at my HP desktop computer (again...31) and opened up a blank Word document. I stared at it with murderous intent for a long time, but nothing happened. So I grabbed the nearest book off the shelf (Crash by J.G. Ballard), opened it, and began to type out the first paragraph, copying the sentences line by line. I wanted to see what it felt like — my clumsy fingers pecking at the keyboard, observing how the words fell into place with a musical cadence and tempo almost prophetic, as though the ink were destined to dry in this exact form upon the page, the machinery of its tumultuous birth and impeccable design skillfully concealed. I paused and looked out the window. There was a squirrel on the deck, I remember. And then I saw it. Not outside but inside my own head, behind my eyelids. The song, the one I’d been struggling to write, I saw that it could be a story. I saw it had a clear beginning, middle, and end. I saw a world of characters opening doors to other worlds, other stories, other characters. This was life-changing shit. Suddenly I was a little boy at my first baseball game, drinking my first ice-cold Coke, surrounded by old men chain-smoking Marlboro Reds and muttering dirty words I’d never heard before about the [EXPLETIVES DELETED] on the opposing team. I’d discovered a fire fueled by the psychic anarchy of its own discovery, a Moebius-strip of dramatic invention, a repository for all the pop-cultural turds floating around inside the cracked porcelain toilet bowl of my skull. I wrote prose every night after work. I never thought about what I was doing. I never once stopped to check word counts or page counts. I never thought about sticking to an outline, making sure my story adhered to a specific plot structure, none of that. I wrote like a man in love. Delirious, overheated teenage love. Wear-my-ill-fitting-letterman’s-jacket love (is this also A Thing™️ in Canada?). Stupid stupid stupid love, naive and hormonal and precious and retrospectively mortifying. I’d turn off the world, turn on the music, sit back and watch the words sashay straight into my lap. It took 2-3 months before the ruthless scourge known as Self Doubt farted in my private elevator. Am I doing this right? How many words are in a book, anyway? How many pages? How long is this going to take? Is this an effective way to impress women and/or get laid? Am I writing a novel or a novella? The fuck is “flash fiction”? Are you allowed to write actual books in Microsoft Word? Does it matter that my free trial version of Microsoft Word expires in 30 days? They’re bluffing, right? And so on. I compared my own writing with that of authors I admired; subsequently, I couldn’t get out of bed for a week. I watched 40+ hours of “Kitchen Nightmares” reruns (it’s. the. same. fucking. formula. every. single. episode.) and nursed my shame with bowl after bowl of strawberry ice cream. To think — I’d TOLD people about this fool’s errand, and sooner or later I’d have to show them precisely how awful a writer I was... I turned to the Internet for advice. At first, it seemed like a godsend. There was such a litany of knowledge, so many pro-tips and life hacks and proven formulas for success. This was how I stumbled across your channel. I found other channels which offered more straightforward “DO IT LIKE THIS YOU FUCKING IDIOT” instructions, but I still enjoyed yours the most. I lol-ed at your jokes. I remember a few videos where you spoke highly about All The Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr, which remains among the most achingly beautiful books I’ve ever read. Also you’re Canadian, and you guys just generally Human better than we (Americans) Human. ...and here my troubles began. See, the more I tried to adhere to word count goals, the more I tried to properly organize the scenes on my Scrivener™️ virtual cork board, the less I enjoyed the actual process of writing. So I tried other things, based upon other writers’ suggestions: cut the adverbs, write in the morning, write at night, write during your lunch break, write an outline, stick to the outline, write x amount of pages per day, write x number of hours per day, spend x amount of hours drafting and x amount of hours editing, etc. But nothing I tried made me feel confident in my writing. I started actively hating it, to be honest. I dreaded the cursor and the infinite white void. Then I would watch more writing videos and feel guilty about my lack of ambition, my inability to accomplish simple tasks. It’s only a few thousand words, dude — just get in there and do it. Eventually I would. I’d grumble and feel miserable and stay locked in my little writing dungeon all night, ignoring my friends’ texts and phone calls, and the next day I’d hate everything I wrote, trash it, and start over. Then, when I had no more writing left to hate, I started hating myself. The words in my head turned malignant, putrefied into spongy, black tumors. I’d spend all day at work consumed by thoughts and ideas and goals! goals! goals! for my book, then I’d come home and stare at a blinking cursor and wonder why I was such a worthless failure. I couldn’t write the way these other writers did, no matter what I tried. But I still wanted to write. Needed to, in that yearning, terrible way I suspect you understand. I don’t know why The Internet subconsciously invites us to flay ourselves before total strangers, but it does. So I will. Shit got Dark™️, Shaelin. I gained 50 pounds, started living like a hoarder, stopped hanging out with my friends, stopped leaving the house altogether. I kept the curtains closed so my neighbors wouldn’t see the piles of empty take-out boxes stacked up on the kitchen table. I traded the pleasures and contradictions and beguiling enigmas of women for the 24-hour neon distraction of cheap porno. My cat Maggie, basically the only friend I had during this time, got cancer. I watched her suffer and waste away because I couldn’t bear the thought of putting her to sleep and coming home alone to an empty, filthy house. Eventually she died and I hated myself even more for not being able to save her. I wore the same pair of pants for six months. I’d go to work and sit at my desk all day and do absolutely nothing (I was the accounting manager at a small company, technically my own “boss,” so I got away with this for a shocking, frankly heroic amount of time). Then I simply stopped going to work. And I kept torturing myself with those stupid goals and word counts, never happy with the end result, resigned to feel like a failure every day. I remember watching your “Spill the Tea” video back when it was initially posted. Watching it now is eerie, because you describe exactly what I was going through, what I was feeling. Like, to the “T” (see what I did there? #WordPlay #LitPuns101). I’d never experienced anxiety/depression before, so I didn’t really understand what was happening to me. Not that it mattered, because by that point the damage was done. I couldn’t recognize and isolate the real problem. I’d given up. Even though you said a lot of things in that video I desperately, desperately needed to hear, I didn’t listen. I didn’t want to listen to you, because you were one of Them™️. Your eyes were bright and your voice sounded friendly and encouraging, but your name wasn’t McCarthy or Pynchon or DeLillo or Nabokov. You were just a kid. What could you possibly know that I didn’t? In January of this year I called a local psychiatric hospital and told them I was planning to kill myself. I never harbored any true intentions of doing that, but I figured they’d offer me a nice three-week vacation in a padded cell. Considering the circumstances, it honestly seemed like a relief. I ended up quitting my job, selling my house, and moving back in with my parents 300 miles away. I started seeing a therapist once a week (still do, for the record). So far I’ve lost 30 pounds of the 50 pound surplus I acquired. I kept watching your videos, even though I was no longer in the market for writing advice (#JustHereForTheSnark). You kept me lol-ing through some bad days and weeks and months. I’d listen to you talk about problems with the writing community and nod my head like an old woman in church (#ShaelinSermons™️ #SheTeachesANDShePreaches), but I still hadn’t made the connection with my own issues. I swore off writing completely, went back to playing music. Cover songs in coffee shops and family restaurants. It was fun for awhile. I genuinely felt happier. But my story was still an old pebble poking around in my shoe...calling out, issuing playground taunts, drawing hairy cartoon dicks on my forehead while I slept. About a month ago I stared down another blank page, my first since experiencing that fun-sized nervous breakdown earlier this year. I closed my eyes and heard your voice in my head. “You can do whatever you want.” I had no goals, no arbitrary quotas to meet. I wrote a few lines, stopped, fixed a couple things I wasn’t satisfied with, and then went on with my day. I thought about what I’d written, sure, but I didn’t worry or spend the whole day stressing out. The next morning I read over what I’d done, and I didn’t hate it. I thought it was actually pretty good, funny and off-kilter and a little/lotta fucked up. So I sat down and wrote some more. Took some things out, re-worded stuff, dressed up the bones in silver and pearls. Addition and subtraction. Before I knew it, I’d finished a whole page. Then another. And then the hair on the back of my neck stood up, because I remembered: This is how it felt at the beginning. Back when I was young and love-struck and writing only to catch those moments of pure levitation, that devilish tickle, that rush of blood propelled by my own wild heart. It’s been a rough road, but I finally found what I’d lost. I figured out how to write again and enjoy it. And ultimately, the best writing advice I received didn’t come from McCarthy or Pynchon or DeLillo or Nabokov. It came from a young woman in another country with a camera and a nose ring and a big tapestry and bigger dreams which run parallel to my own. So thank you. Thank you for taking time out of your busy life and braving the Steaming Pile™️ that is The Internet to offer words of empathy and encouragement to complete strangers. Thank you for the wisdom you share. Thank you for being who you are. Know that tonight the stars shine brighter as a result. They do for me, at least. (Also I’m sincerely sorry about the absurd length of this “Ask” wherein no actual questions were posed and nothing substantial was communicated beyond a simple yet torturously delayed “thank you” kthxbye #longlivethenewtapestry 

—Justin)

[sanjuno]

I'm interested in that idea you mentioned where the Vongola brothers thaw Xanxus, pack up their followers, and go to Japan. (Tsuna getting four older brothers would be awesome.)

*slams back onto the blog* MY INTERNET IS BACK AND SANJUNO IS ONLINE AGAIN, BITCHES!

I call this one FIRE SHALL WAKEN and I straight up admit that I did not expect this much of a plot for something that was essentially an offhand comment I made because I thought it was funny but oh well.

Let’s begin!

So sixteen year old Xanxus discovers that he’s “adopted” before Enrico gets fatally shot in the back but instead of going to talk to his brothers he still goes through with the Cradle Affair tantrum.

>Enrico, Mas, and Fede are confined to the Iron Fort by Coyote because of paranoia about the Varia being more loyal to Xanxus than the Vongola overall.

>Squalo is bereaved because his Sky is frozen solid and proceeds to lose it on Enrico when confronted about why Xanxus went bonkers and now Enrico knows everything.

Enrico, of course, proceeds to tell Mas and Fede why Xanxus tried to kill Nono dead.

>Fede points out how interesting it is that Xanxus waited until all of his brothers were outside the Iron Fort before attacking.

>Enrico points out that Xan had been noticeably avoiding Nono but hadn’t cut his brothers out of his life.

>Mas digs up the security footage and notices that Xanxus said many nasty things about Nono but didn’t so much as mention his brothers during his ranting. (My how interesting…)

Enrico proceeds to move into the Iron Fort to “help Papa out” which translated into actual intent means “scope out the security system with an eye for breaking it and locate Xan’s iceberg.”

>Mas moves into the Varia mansion to “keep an eye on things”

>Fede invades the CEDEF on the regular to find out what they know and also to sow confusion because fuck you Nono is why

Consequences are suffered by those who took action without thinking! 

>Enrico also gets an up-close view of Nono’s bullshit in action, which he never saw in canon because it was never pointed out so blatantly until Nono (i) lied about matters of succession and (ii) froze Enrico’s littlest brother in ice.

>Mas gets to conspire with the Varia and has tons of fun pretending to be thick while plotting the demise of his enemies.

>Fede undermines Iemitsu in the CEDEF without actually joining that branch because Mas is the one who wanted to play spy games for a living and Fede is much better suited to being the Family troubleshooter. Also Mas and Fede poach several CEDEF agents because Sky Attraction and Iemitsu Doesn’t Deserve Nice Things bwahahaha~

Shortly after Nono’s sons finish “establishing order” after the Cradle Affair Nono and Iemitsu go on a trip to Japan (we all know what happens here) except this time:

>(i) Fede is keeping a close enough eye on the CEDEF to discover what the purpose behind the trip was and (ii) the Bros di Vongola are making plans to rescue their baby brother and leave the Vongola hanging without any Heirs at all because Nono certainly doesn’t care about the succession so why should they?

Instead of possessing people to arrange the deaths of the 10th Gen Vongola Heirs, Daemon Spade’s ghost is very much in favour of the boys rejecting their father because anarchy and Fuck Them All Very Much

>Daemon doesn’t approve of Nono, so the more the bros work against Nono the more Daemon likes them. The irony of them all packing up and moving to Japan to force Nono to clean up his own fucking mess is too brilliant to sabotage. He needs to know how this ends.

It takes two years for everything to be in place for the 10th Gen migration. Many changes from canon occur during this time.

(i) Enrico finally tracks down Xan’s Mama and Harmonizes her as his Mist.

>Goes to the Falco Heir’s piano recital and bonds Bianche as his Storm. Is horrified by Hayato’s treatment and frequent poisonings, draws emotionally driven parallels between Hayato’s treatment and Xanuxs’, and intercepts Hayato’s first attempt to run away to take Hayato in as his ward.

>Manages to Harmonize with Lal as his Rain over the course of several meetings with Fede for information exchanges.

>Visits the Bovino and finds Ottavia to be his Lightning, and she brings newborn Lambo with her because her sister died.

>Snags M.M. to be his Sun out of Paris’ Underworld Theatre District before she crosses the line and is arrested by the Vindice. (He’s there on business but yay new Element!)

>Enrico is somewhat disturbed by how much younger than him his Storm and Sun are and hopes that his Cloud will be closer to his own age or older.

(ii) Mas met Sparta (the OC I have as his Cloud) in his last year of the Mafia Academy. She gets along well with the Varia.

>Mas is being very careful and low-key about Courting Oregano and Tumeric into his Harmony because Iemitsu is a giant bag of dicks and also a toxic influence.

>Moretti the Murdered is Mas’ Mist and it’s hilarious because the Varia are So Offended.

Fede’s Lightning is Romeo Bovino who is ultimately distracted by finding HIS SKY!!!! and entirely forgets to flirt with Bianchi and thus survives yay

>Runs into Lancia while out shopping with Hayato and his Intuition says “Look it’s your Storm” and also Hayato is a vicious little savage who charms Mukuro and Co. and can sympathize with their experiences re. being tortured by your family. Frequent interaction with the Varia gives Mukuro and Co.s vengeance drive a constructive outlet so they don’t murderspree their way into Vindicare and also the plan to abscond will leave the Vongola Alliance in shambles and Mukuro wants to see that. So. Let’s be friends!

>Fede picks up Basil as his Rain while stalking the CEDEF because Iemitsu doesn’t deserve to have such a cute little minion and also the family resemblance is pretty obvious even if the kid isn’t a Sky.

>Accidentally Harmonizes Shamal as his Mist while tracking down Hayato and Bianchi’s medical records and lambasts Shamal for not treating Hayato’s poison damage just because he’s a boy (you irresponsible asshole) Shamal spends a significant amount of time repenting for that bullshit because Fede’s Not Having It.

Despite all the Harmonizing happening Nono continues to believe that the men he assigned to his sons are their actual Guardians.

>The bros let Nono think this because it a good distraction tactic and it gives them a guaranteed way to feed Nono misinformation about what they’re up to.

Two years is a long enough time for people to start noticing the shenanigans but the bros are good at being sneaky and also they all have Mists so good fucking luck getting a clear picture of what they’re getting up to. Then Nono goes to an Alliance Boss meting at Mafia Land and takes Iemitsu with him which means now’s our chance.

>As soon as Nono’s plane takes off the 10th gen defrosts Xan, rolls him into a blanket burrito, shoves him at his very confused Guardians, and packs the entirety of the Varia plus the Vongola 10th Gen’s personal following into a series of transport containers and take off for Japan.

>Enrico shoots Ottavio in the head execution style with one of Daniela’s crossbows before they leave because “fuck you, traitor” is why.

The Alliance is shook.

>Dino is still in training with Reborn (being around 16 or 17) and is high-key jealous that his Vongola counterparts got to fuck off and ditch their inheritance. Romario’s the one who digs up the old Tradition about “escaping” the Mafia by moving to Japan (which also includes a kind of “diplomatic immunity” agreement with the yakuza.) Dino wants to go to Japan too T-T

MEANWHILE IN JAPAN

>Xanxus is really fucking confused right now okay this is not how he was expecting his confrontation with Nono over his heritage to shake out (His bros picked Xanxus over Nono WTF)

>The Varia are honestly just happy to have their Sky back they don’t even care about technically being in hiding.

The Vongola 10th Gen buys a Japanese Mansion in Namimori and happily settle in.

>Of course their first order of business is to go see their baby cousin~ because “fuck you, Iemtisu, answer your wife’s phone calls” is why and also they need to get that Seal off Tsuna and also, also it’ll give Hayato, Mukuro, and co. a local guide in Namimori.

>Of course, the second Enrico peels the Seal off Tsuna’s Flames the kid goes into HDWM and Harmonizes with Hayato and Mukuro on reflex and also Hyper Intuition.

Nana is over the moon because her baby boy has friends now and also she 100% takes over as the 10th Gen’s Head of Housekeeping and before anyone really has time to think about it Nana and Tsuna have moved into the mansion

>Please take a moment to consider the repercussions of having five active Skies living in a single house who all love each other and want their family to be happy. The Harmony effect is soporific, wide spread, pervasive, and Namimori is a happy, peaceful town.

Hayato is once again Tsuna’s Right Hand but this time it’s Mukuro who is the Left Hand and the chaos is beautiful.

>TBH the way a less traumatized Hayato and a more rational Mukuro mesh and work together is surprisingly functional and cooperative. Also I’m pretty sure that the first thing they do is go track down Nagi for kidnapping purposes because of psychic links and Harmony is helpful for strengthening things like that.

>Which means that Chrome doesn’t get squished by a truck! Yay! Yes, they still change her name. It’s so her parents can’t find her neener-neener

Hayato and Mukuro are little assholes and are Not Pleased by the way Tsuna has been and is still being treated at school. They proceed to concoct a multi-layered, three tiered plan to take vengeance in Tsuna’s name. There are several lists, charts, graphs, and at least one Venn Diagram because Mukuro is artistic like that.

>Kyouya is angry at first because his territory but then notices how the herbivores have started to behave themselves and that means more time for uninterrupted naps and that’s beautiful. Tetsuya is torn between elation and terror because on one hand Kyou-san has friends but on the other, far more traumatizing to the citizenry hand they’re all amoral bloodthirsty monsters.

>Anyway Kyouya founds the DC, Mukuro sets up an informant network, and Hayato takes over the student council.

Tsuyoshi isn’t sure what to make of the Sudden Assassin Migration into Namimori but at least the Sword Emperor is too distracted by his Sky being on bedrest to be hunting down retired Swordsmen.

>Tsuyoshi should maybe think about starting Takeshi’s sword training because Tsuna’s gone and made friends with Takeshi now that he’s unSealed (Fuck Everything Tsuyoshi doesn’t deserve this sort of stress)

TBH Ken probably joins the Boxing Club and Ryohei’s so happy to the extreme.

>Kyoko will join the Mist Collective in Managing Everyone’s Lives because she’s nonviolent and also a bit of an emotional manipulator. Hana is the DC Secretary and gets along far too well with Hibari-sempai for anyones comfort.

>I honestly have no real idea what Haru is up to in this AU but she probably takes over Midori and has a very loudly dramatic rivalry with Hayato for brain-crush reasons.

Chikusa is getting roped in as Hayato’s VP and they rule Namimori Elementary with decidedly Iron Fists. With spikes on.

>TBH the fact that Tsuna becomes the Chairman of the Home Ec Club is the Best Thing because Tsuna loves his Mama and he’s only fifth in line to inherit still so he can do whatever he wants and that means fluffy homemaker comfort Sky who cheers on his Guardian’s shenanigans instead of a panicked stressed out punching bag.

>Tsuna’s favourite Vongola Head is the Fourth because FORKS! and everything is beautiful and nothing hurts.

TBH I have NO IDEA how long it takes Nono to find Ottavio’s body but it’s probably really gross by then because Italy’s a hot country and also between them Enrico and Mas and Fede stole all of the CEDEF’s upper management and Iemtisu is pants at sorting paperwork.

>Then there’s panic and anarchy and very strained Alliance politics until Reborn finishes training Dino and then Reborn is sent to Namimori to train the “last” Vongola heir only to find the entire Vongola 10th Gen

>Be aware that at no point did the Varia stop taking missions which drives the 9th Gen into frothing fits because they still can’t find where they’re hiding.

This time when Tsuna says he doesn’t want to be a Mafia Boss the actual heir is still alive, sitting right beside Tsuna at the table, and is laughing at Reborn.

>Enrico straight up tells Reborn not to waste his time and that when Nono dies/retires he’ll take the Rings but not a moment before then.

>Nono forced their hands when he lied to Xan, left him for dead in the ice, and tried to force his sons to accept ill-suited Guardians without ever admitting he’d fucked up or done something wrong.

>Oh yeah, Xan needed to be revived when Enrico defrosted him it was a damn good thing all three of his bros were there to help with that and GUESS WHAT HE DID TO TSUNAYOSHI?

Dino shows up and well now the Alliance knows where the Vongola 10th Gen are hiding out.

>Drama, politicking, shenanigans, IDEK at this point I mostly just want to see the FSW!AU Tsuna and co. get dragged into a canon!TYL adventure because that shit’s hilarious and is also an entirely new story all on it’s own if I want to handle it right.

>Because there’s no Varia Arc, although if Iemitsu shows up he’s gonna be hella surprised when the “weaker” Skies kick the shit out of him because the Vongola Bros have real bonds now plus their Five Sky Harmony and shit’s insane, friends.

Shit with the Arcobaleno will go down at some point and by now I’ve internalized a preference for Reborn being Aria’s Sun Guardian because “I’m my daughter’s Sun” is a glorious clusterfuck of pun combined with a Dad joke and Reborn would revel in that so much.

>Skull is Fede’s Cloud, which is fabulous and a match made with the intent of making the world a more interesting place and also I may indulge in my secret love for Reborn/Skull in this verse because Aria’s going to marry Fede. XP

>Consiquently, Verde is Mas’ Lightning, Collonello is Enrico’s Second Rain, Mammon is (of course) Xan’s Mist, and Fon’s going to be Tsuna’s Second Storm.

I kinda wanna see Spanner be Byakuran’s Lightning in this verse because reasons but also I think I’m done for the night.

Yay. XP