Tumgik
About
Privacy Policy
Removal Request
Visit Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
Fun Fact
1,644 Tumblr posts in 1 second.
#so i decided to call up my friends bc its become habitual to pull myself out of moments like these and it worked. and i didnt want to go
lepidopterium
·
2 years
Text
xx!!!!
#suicide //
#suicidal ideation //
#had a moment of deep mental clarity and calm today after the fight with my mother so unlike any of the other times before
#where it used to be anger sadness and desperation that would make me attempt this time it was just...quiet. i was so calm
#i dont know if it matters what it looks like on the outside but of the suicide attempts ive had i only ever really meant to go through
#with one of them. sometimes i dont even want to count any of them as attempts because i never got seriously hurt. just scarred and scared
#its the latter ones that became less a crime for help and more a resolve
#and i spent all of september not uttering a peep about the fact that i woke up actively suicidal everyday
#and so this time i was just calm. i was already dressed because id just been out earlier. i thought about all the conversations ive had
#since the beginning of October that were classmates professors friends even people i barely spoke to asking hn
#unprompted if i was okay. then yesterday one of my professors coming up to me in private to thank me for keeping up with
#leading club stuff and also reminding me that shes here for me if anything happens
#which is all to say i sat there thinking maybe today is the right day. its not like no one would have seen it coming. id given enough
#warning knowingly or unknowingly
#my only reluctance was thinking how cold the water would be in this weather but that was it. i thought about getting up
#and walking out to the pier and jumping in and felt completely serene
#so i decided to call up my friends bc its become habitual to pull myself out of moments like these and it worked. and i didnt want to go
#through with killing myself anymore. but im not sure if that would have been the case if no one in the groupchat had immediately responded
#to my message. it kind of scares me. i dont fear dying as much as i do living but more than anything i fear hurting anyone
#it felt like cold. still water. frozen over surface. no breeze. just still. clear and still
2 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
dxmagedandexcited
+ ✧ · ˚ . femme fatale
domi87swiss
Loving Life, Outlander cast and crew (against ES)
sapphicshav
lucespudding
lucesamaaa
shamboliic
watch your step. (ap.)