#so i dont regret how much time and effort ive spent on all this stuff

[orcelito]

So I've had no time to write today bc work etc etc but I've been thinking about it like All day and

I have chapter 17 all plotted out, and tbh could potentially write it in a matter of days, brain willing. It's finally back to Not action, which as fun as action is to write its also fucking Hard. So it'll be nice not having to agonize over the sound of a fucking chain (Twice) etc etc. Add in the fact that it's gonna be angsty as hell (angst is always the Easiest for me to write) & I rly think I could knock this one out quickly.

And the Great news is that. Examining the timeline and what I have planned...

Wolfwood is definitely arriving in chapter 18. And not at the end like I'd suspected. No, he's probably gonna be there towards the Start.

I've gotten through the two most difficult arcs to write for early ITNL, so the ball is really rolling now. We are Finally getting places...

[boojersey]

☕ video games?

HEHJEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHEHEHHEE

if i wasnt an mcr/general interests blog this shit would absolutely be decked out in nothing but grand theft thotto v rn

it took me YEARS AND YEARS to get to play it bc i never had a good enough computer and then for a while i was still a bit bad at video games and would get frustrated how fast i died like thirty seconds into the first shootout like i would get stuck on the prologue hardcore and i gave up every time eventually bc it ran too slow for me to want to actually put more than an hour or two of effort

NOW i have a good computer AND im fucking sick at shooting now so ive been in hardcore hyperfixation mode playing gta every day i use my computer lmao for like a month now and im headfirst ass deep in fanfic for it like i sorted michael/trevor by completed works and in order of kudos and im on page 9 of the results i must have read 500k+ words already

OTHER video games i currently play are fortnite (i will die on this hill this game is fun free and i can talk to my friends. im very good at it and win often of course im gonna play it. fuck everyone who says its cringe) webkinz overwatch a little huniepop 2 a little and road 96.

road 96 i just discovered and i could go on and on about how great it is. you play a hitchhiker trying to cross a border and your gameplay is just choosing a location to start then hitchhiking to the same destination over and over with different events and characters throughout your journey. its ai generated so every single game is different theres like 114k possible journeys to take and you just roll the dice each time and i love it. its beautiful. its also political climate based, you make decisions that are politically aligned throughout bc the game is about border crossing

i also play on the switch, rn im playing cult of the lamb and i own a few other things like breath of the wild and animal crossing but rn its just cult of the lamb and cook serve delicious 2 (which i HIGHLY recommend) rn

games i dont play regularly anymore but have/still love include the professor layton series, undertale when i was a bit dweebier lol, life is strange, resident evil 7 gameplay from achievement hunter lol, until dawn gameplay from achievement hunter lol x2, danganronpa series, a fascination with the technical trainwreck of fnaf security breach, the jackbox series, cultist simulator, audiosurf 2, hotline miAMI (i have spent so much time in my life getting stoned then just sitting there in the apartment looking at the colors and listening to deep cover by sun araw its one of my favorite songs), cooking simulator, and that's all i can think of

video games have always been a huge part of my life since i was 7 playing webkinz or on the landline playing wizard101 in a rudimentary 2000s version of discord with my friends, ive always loved them and ive probably spent about a fifth or so of my life playing them and dont regret it; obviously id do stuff irl over online, but i still cherish the time i get in video games and online with others

[scribblemetae]

Idk about you, but every single time when I commented on a fic with "aww I love this fic so much and I especially like the scene where xy... " I never get a replay and it honestly makes me anxious...commenting something in public is already nerve wracking and rebloging is something i don't do anymore since I've spent 2 days regreting it...i was too nervous and I nearly threw up because people can see immediatelly what I read or liked... so commenting is kinda easier since other people have to look into the comment section to find it...idk I'm dumb lmao. I started sending fanart for the authors too, because I want them to see that I appreciate what they do...I still feel bad tho since I'm not THAT great at it and they deserve more and oof...idk I feel like I'm not doing enough...

sorry if there are mistakes in that whole ass text and my little ramble 😶 What are your thoughts on all this? 🥺

sorry for the bother too omg ~ ❄️

Hello!!

Okay so, I love every single comment I get like, I get so excited when somebody leaves me one and it doesn't matter how long, small or nonsensical the comment may be I get butterflies <3 So never, ever feel anxious or worried about leaving any kind of comment.

I find replying to comments a lot harder than asks or reblogs simply because sometimes they get lost, a lot of the time I post before I go to sleep and when I wake up I can have anywhere between 10-50 comments on the post making it really really hard to reply to all of them. I also hate picking and choosing who to reply to because I don’t want people to feel i’m ignoring them and not another. If i’m on when when the comment is there I will always try to reply but I know I don’t always manage to reply no matter how hard I try, but, i’m STILL extremely grateful for the comment like, I promise every comment I’ve had has made me smile so please never question if you should comment, if I didn’t get comments I could promise you I wouldn’t post in all honestly.

The not wanting to reblog does make complete sense. Reblogs are really good for Authors but don’t feel bad if you’re unable to do so you don’t owe us anything, but if you can’t reblog or aren’t comfortable then I do think you should try and comment, but again, not always possible, I know I don’t reblog and/or comment on EVERY fic I read, but I try my best to support. Maybe if you’re not having any luck with them you could try asks on anon? You don’t every have to do that but nothing makes my heart race more than an excited anon.

Its strange for me to say because honestly I don’t tend to get people going into my fics and sending me detailed stuff on what they love about it (I have had a few here and there and they stick out in my mind but they are far in between) and thats 100% fine but I would honestly be so grateful if somebody did that for me <3

Ive also never had anybody ever send me fan art but I would DIE If somebody did that for me, no matter how good or bad the love and effort or somebody actually thinking about me and/or my fics wanting to do something like that honestly my heart would double in size so never ever feel that way baby <3

In short, you don’t have to go to far out to support writers, comments are all you have to do to make us feel good about that work and even if you dont get a reply that doesn’t mean they aren’t appreciated but the fact that you attempt to do fan art and more is actually incredible and you’re already doing a lot more for us than other people.

TL:DR, You don’t actually owe us anything, just like we don’t owe our readers anything, but the more love you give the more you will get out of writers, when people talk about TYB It makes me wanna write more. If you’re doing everything you can and everything you’re comfortable with that’s all I will ever ask out of my readers. 

I’m not really good at expressing myself so I really hope this made sense and makde you feel a little bit better, never think you’re a bother and know I adore asks like this, its awsome to be able to talk to you guys slightly deeper. 

Ily, and thank you for your support <3

[thisbluewind]

Dare

I wrote a sad KyoSaya oneshot. 

There’s lots of angst. Sorry.

Sayaka slid into her desk chair with a sigh. “Ugh, schoolwork is so boring,” she complained to no one in particular. She opened the lid of her computer, and entered her password in a blur. She’d finished her homework with Madoka, time to scroll through tumblr and talk to people! She’d missed befriending strangers on the internet. And maybe Kyoko would be online.

It had seemed like her girlfriend was avoiding her, and their most frequent interactions nowadays were reblogging and liking each other’s posts on tumblr, and if Sayaka texted first, late nights spent talking for hours upon hours about nothing and everything. However, Sayaka eagerly snapped up even these snippets of conversation, when they forgot themselves and easily fell back into their old rhythms just as they did before Kyoko distanced herself. 

Her shoulders sagged as she opened Google and typed in tumblr. She took a breath and forced herself into her usual cheerful posture and smile. It’s fine, I’m fine, nothing’s wrong, I’m okay. It worked, at least for the time being. She shook her light blue hair over one shoulder. It was growing long in quarantine, and she quite liked it. Sayaka logged in to tumblr and was greeted by her familiar blue dashboard. She clicked the blue ‘create a post’ pencil and started recording a video. 

She grinned, letting go of her fears and worries and insecurities, and for a moment, she was actually fine. The grin slowly became more genuine as the camera started rolling. 

“Hey everyone, Oktavia here! Sorry it’s been a while since my last post, I’ve been really busy with school and stuff. As always, make sure to drop me an ask or DM if you have a request for what character I should draw next. The top three as of today are-” she consulted a piece of blank loose leaf paper, though her viewers didn’t know that. She’d committed the list to memory and the paper was just a prop. “They are… in third place, Keefe Sencen from Keeper of the Lost Cities, requested by an anon. Sorry anon, never read the series. I’ll look up some reference art and post the finished product by tomorrow night, though! Uraraka Ochako from My Hero Academia (requested by lilywritesfanfic is in second place, and I’ll livestream drawing her on Saturday. And finally, our first place winner- Spider-Man, requested by eva-the-demon07. I’ll post a drawing of him tonight! Have an absolutely incredible day, everyone! Bye!” she waved at the camera with one hand, then clicked post with the other. 

She slumped down in her chair, satisfied. Within seconds, comments started rolling in. We love you, Oktavia! Take as much time as you need, remember, you’re not obligated to draw for us. I love your drawings, but you’re more important, take care of yourself, okay? You’re amazing, Oktavia! 

Her need for validation filled, she clicked over to Kyoko’s blog and was greeted with several new posts. Her cell phone lit up with a text just as she was clicking on the first one. Sayaka groaned and picked it up. There was a new text from Kyoko and two new ones joined it on her screen. She tapped on them immediately. Kyoko had written ‘idk how to break up with people properly ive never done it before but im breaking up with u’ and then ‘i dont love u anymore’ and then ‘theres someone else’. 

Kyoko was breaking up with her? There was ‘someone else’?

“Are you kidding me?” she didn’t realize she said it out loud until she heard it. “There’s someone else? Just how long has this ‘someone else’ been someone else?” she snarled at her phone, tossing it onto her desk. 

Sayaka flopped onto her bed, shocked. A tear leaked out of her eye and she angrily swiped it away. She lifted her right hand, seeing her bright blue Soul Gem growing dark with sadness and bitterness.  

A knock on her bedroom door came.

“Come in,” she said listlessly. She made no effort to sit up or disguise the fact that she was crying. A red-haired girl with a ponytail stepped into the room, her usual bravado tinted with slight shame. 

“What the hell do you want?” Sayaka stood up, the venom in her voice surprising her. She stalked over to Kyoko.

 “Just hear me out, Saya-” Kyoko started.

“I care enough about you that I will. But after that, get out of my life forever,” Sayaka snapped. 

“It was a dare!” Kyoko burst out. “It was a stupid dare, just a game. I didn’t mean it.”

“You didn’t mean any of it.” The words came out hard and cold. “It was all just a dare. That makes sense- you never loved me. You were just playing with me for a year.”

“Saya- I wasn’t-” Kyoko clearly hadn’t meant for it to go like this. 

“Leave me alone, Kyoko!” Sayaka shouted, her voice breaking. “We’re done.”

Kyoko stumbled backwards in shock. “Wait, no! But Sayaka-”

“Just go! I can’t believe I fell for your act!” Sayaka ushered her out of the room and slammed the door. She braced herself against the inside of the door and slid to the ground. She opened her hand, revealing her previously bright Soul Gem a dark midnight blue. It was almost completely corrupted. 

Sayaka sighed with regret, and closed her eyes. She could feel her Soul Gem cracking, and when it shattered into a Grief Seed, she didn’t feel anything at all. 

“Kyoko,” she whispered. And then she fell to the floor.

On the other side of the door, Kyoko slammed the side of her fist against the wall. 

“Damn it,” she swore, anguish in every word. “Why did it have to go like that?” 

A witch’s labyrinth expanded through the door, and Kyoko gasped, swiveling around to stare at it. 

“Damn it! Sayaka!” she called. “Sayaka, can you hear me?” Receiving no reply, she transformed, and slammed the dull end of her spear against the door, and it collapsed inward painfully slowly. “Sayaka!”

She broke through the door at last. Sayaka was crumpled on the floor in front of it. 

“Sayaka, no! This can’t be happening.” Kyoko tentatively turned Sayaka over, noting the lack of Soul Gem. “No!” She knew what had happened. Sayaka had succumbed to despair and turned into a witch, and it was all her fault. 

Tears slid down her cheeks as she released Sayaka. 

“I love you,” she choked out. But it was too late. 

[prettyhoons]

ok ok my anger has subsided so i think i should like… not ignore today even though it was saddening but maybe focus on the nice things that happened at rift rivals because i did meet a lot of cool people and had a lot of fun!!

i went with nat aka the c9 xayah quickshot kept talking about on stream lmao. she looked absolutely stunning (she always does tbh) but beauty has its price and we paid by being half an hour late lmao

but in we went and i ended up on camera bc i was sitting next to nat and i wanted it to end but oh well at least now we have proof that i was there!! i was super excited and constantly clinging to nat which eventually turned into petting nat bc her hood was just so soft and fluffy aaaaaaa

then the fanmeets rolled around and i was????? so nervous???????? because even though ive met some eu players before it wasnt all of them and the na players where a whole nother animal

but yeah we met jesiz, caps and broxah (soaz and rekkles didnt come out sadly) and they were so sweet! im probably gonna say that about every team lmao but they honestly were all so nice. anyway i didnt dare ask them for hugs yet which i would later end up regretting lmao

then g2 vs c9 happened and i was so?????? conflicted????????? but yeah i ended up meeting g2 again which honestly never gets old and i hugged them again which also never gets old!!!

then we met p1 and i asked them to sign @nekomieze ‘s sketchbook bc she couldnt be there sadly :( but they were so kind and honestly arrow’s signature is the tightest shit!! but yeah neko really put a lot of effort into it bc she drew cute lil pictures of p1 and c9 and i hope that when i send the sketchbook back to her she will post them either here or on twitter because theyre just so adorable!!!!!!!

and then!!!!!!! then we met c9!!!!!!!!!!!! like!!!!!!!

i was so shook when they came onto the stage because i was used to players looking their height on camera from eu teams right???? well!! c9 are so

tiny

smoothie and ray are roughly my height but the rest of them are much shorter i shed a few tears

and god they are!!!!! such sweethearts!!!!!!! all of them!! smoothie started asking me questions like “how are you” and got me all flustered tho… :( initially riot staff said that c9 wouldnt sign anything bc contractz was sick and should go to bed already (and he really looked like he was gonna pass out any minute) but they ended up staying. jensen and sneaky stayed behind the longest which was kind of surprising in jensens case bc i heard from na fans that hes usually not v comfortable with fan stuff but i was happy that he stayed so long!! and sneaky stayed until there was only nat and my other friends and me left and chatted with us. i’m still not over that tbh

and then we met tsm!! sadly they didnt sign anything that was kind of disappointing. normally i dont have any strong feelings about them but my brother likes bjergsen so i was hoping to get some signatures for him. same thing on the second day idk if they signed anything tonight :(( i did hug bjergsen though it was really nice!! the tsm players in general seem v nice!!

also i got a photo with kobe!!!! hes literally so adorable hes like a giant puppy

then the next day we didnt meet g2 at all which is kind of a bummer bc i only realized the morning of day 2 that i did actually have something to get signed for myself lmao im… smart

i did meet uol once again and hylissangs handwriting is so nice!! and sheepys and romains signatures are so cute aaaaaa

we took more photos with p1 and they handed out wristbands and fidget spinners for free!! eventually i annoyed nat so much with my hood petting that she handed me her fidget spinner so i would stop. i ended up petting her with the fidget spinner

then c9 once more!!! and more hugs!!! it was so nice! i tried to take revenge and started asking smoothie questions but he returned the questioning and got me flustered again aaa!! juan was luckily looking wayyy better on day 2. also sneaky and jensen stayed with us super long again!! nat actually had a Normal Conversation ™ with sneaky. like they literally talked for ten minutes about the troubles of being left handed lmao

aaand more fnc!! as in initially it was jesiz, caps and broxah again and this time i summoned the courage to ask for hugs!! and lemme tell ya hugging broxah temporarily cured my anxiety

then eventually soaz joined too (still no rekkles…. hope hes ok) so yay!! and nat was talking to finlay about her other cosplays while i was standing by awkwardly lmao

and then after the games quickshot was out there in the entry hall taking selfies with fans and when he saw nat he actually asked her for a selfie and a hug lmao it was so adorable!! quickshot is so adorable!!! i love him!!

but like the real kicker came after the games. like yall probably saw the tweets from xpecial about how much money p1 spent at mcdonalds right?? well we didnt!! and we were hungry so we went to the mcdonalds around the corner and guess who was there

but yeah that was it for me!! i went home this afternoon and while all my friends somehow managed to sneak into the studio one way or another im kind of glad i didnt pay money for that tragedy. except i wasted like most of my mobile data on trying to get the stream running while i was on the train haha and also juan apparently was buying beer in the entry hall after the games and according to nat it was adorable as all heck and i would have loved to see it but oh well!! cant have it all!!

all in all im more than happy i was there and im happy i met so many cool ppl, players and (new) friends alike!!

[battystumutchildren-blog]

RYAN: -back at it again at the silvah dollah. it's kinda nice to have someplace new to stalk around the later hours of the day. she knows it's not exactly advisable for various reasons to transportalize out onto the satelite isolated far from her home. but... whatever. it's comfortable here and finding comfort elsewhere, somewhere more familiar, is a difficult task for her.-

RYAN: -she's hanging out at the counter again, poking at the remaining contents of a strawberry milkshake and being far less chatty than she was yesterday.-

SILVAH: -Given that there's not really much ON this station other than Skaianet research facilities, private research facilities and basically....the one resturaunt at least there's not much trouble Ryan can get up to up here. Silvah is just finishing cleaning and restoring his stocks from last night. He stayed up far too late and got a little drunk himself, but he's in good spirits. He's fairly sure the reopening was  rousing success and that he's gonna make back the money he spent on the deck. Big man is boppin with the radio as he works until he finally makes his way back behind the counter and sees Ryan there. His fins flick.-

SILVAH: Blondie!

SILVAH: I thought I made a regular outta you.

RYAN: -perks up, immediately putting on a smile when she hears his voice, but it's definitely half hearted.-

RYAN: naturally??? youve got some great vibes going on here. :blush:

SILVAH: I built it that way babycakes, but that don't mean it ain't nice to hear.

SILVAH: -starts restocking the baked goods displays as they chitchat.-

SILVAH: You had some pretty good vibes yourself last night. -Not so much today though, huh? He's peepin on her.-

RYAN: again. naturally! as a new regular youll soon discover im always the life of the party. :wink:  -leans on the counter, chin in her hand.- SILVAH: That's quite a claim. Maybe I should think about buyin a leaderboard. Huh huh.

SILVAH: Sure are cute though. Feel like I should be payin you to sit there and look pretty.

RYAN: well im not about to turn down that offer. :hugging: 

RYAN: ive got a pretty lengthy resume as a professional cutie. you wouldnt regret the decision.

SILVAH: Now, now. I'm not totally sold.  You strike me as a troublemaker too.

SILVAH: Acutally now that I'm thinkin about it, the round robin never made it to ya.

SILVAH: What's your story?

RYAN: :scream: 

RYAN: its not polite to ask a lady such questions...

RYAN: which is definitely NOT something a troublemaker would say. :thinking: SILVAH: Keepin it close to the vest I see. That's fine. I'll get it out of ya eventually.

SILVAH: Food is great at makin people talk. RYAN: -chinhands intensifies.- yeah? what do you find is the best thing to feed a person to get them to share their life story? SILVAH: Somethin' caffeinated.

SILVAH: I'll tell you what- I'm crossin strawberry milkshakes off the list as of today.

RYAN: -giggles. geez... it feels good to laugh.-

RYAN: okay fine. youve fed me enough lines to change my tune. :stuck_out_tongue: 

RYAN: youre right about me... i am a troublemaker. but im trying to cut back these days. SILVAH: -Seems satisfied at getting her to laugh. And to crack.-

SILVAH: Respect, little lady. It's not easy.

SILVAH: I'm also one of those.

RYAN: yeah? what are your vices?

RYAN: mine incluuuuude... -checks them off on her fingers as she says them in an attempt to keep it light.- running away. all manner of narcotics. and beautiful sad men and women that only break your heart.

RYAN: so you know. the standard really.

SILVAH: You're right. That is a hell of a resume. -Scratches under his  fat chin with Robut hand.-

SILVAH: Lesee....I'm right there with ya on runnin away. Dissapointin my family. Sexual deviancy. An you may have noticed that I like to eat a lil bit.

SILVAH: We already got the makins of a pretty good country song. Too bad that's not my favorite genre.

RYAN: hehehe. id love to inspire any kinda song really.

RYAN: but other than that it seems weve got a lot in common. -sips milkshake.-

RYAN: ive been... disappointing a lot of people for a long time. but i feel like i really dropped the fucking ball again recently. :weary:

SILVAH: -Now he's got both fins angled towards her.- You wanna get into it?

SILVAH: Don't gotta. But if you feel like you need to I have time.

SILVAH: That's how I got so fat. I'm full of secrets.

RYAN: -snickers and shrugs, swirling the straw around in the glass thoughtfully.- well... guess theres no harm in it.

RYAN: since youre being so nice and charming. :wink: 

RYAN: things have just been... i dunno.

RYAN: first i fell off the wagon.

RYAN: definitely disappointed my family... and probably my boyfriend. or like. whatever our deal even is. -sighs.-

RYAN: then my ex comes along and starts pulling some burn book bullshit... spilling all my secrets. pissing off my friends. making aforementioned romantic relationship all the more complicated. i think.

RYAN: ugh. -just sighs. it's hard to really dig deep when it's all so frustrating, so she just kinda slumps a little.-

SILVAH: Mm. Did ya say some things you regret?

RYAN: -nods slowly, pouting a little.-

RYAN: yeah. so much stupid shit.

RYAN: im trying to fix things but... i dont know--

RYAN: i dont know what im doing half the time.

SILVAH: -Pauses for a minuite, and while he's processing all the vibes he's picking up from her he's making himself look busy, which is something he's pretty practiced at by now.-

SILVAH: It's not the easy route. It's easier to keep cuttin out. Start over somewhere where they don't know ya. But that would be a waste in the long run.

SILVAH: If you keep tryin eventually they'll see the effort and appreciate it. Even if you're graspin at straws and you say all the wrong shit. RYAN: -peers up at him, finding that answer... strangely comforting. she gets the sense he understands. maybe because of his own experiences, or just because he's used to dealing with sad sacks like her. it was kind of a cliche. in any case, she's quiet for a moment as she thinks it all over too. her voice is a little hushed when she does speak, a bit embarrassed by admitting the things she is... but knowing full well she needs to say it.-

RYAN: i feel like my efforts are pushing him away.

RYAN: alienating him cuz he feels guilty too. hes always stuck in his own head.

  RYAN: i think he feels like hes not good enough. but i dont really get it. im the one who kept running away.

RYAN: he never did anything wrong. at least i dont think he did. it just-- a shitty time. and i dunno if its ever gonna pass so long as im around to remind him that-- fuck.

RYAN: -puts her head in her hand with a sigh.- sorry im not making sense anymore.

SILVAH: -Frowns as he takes this in, and at the same time takes in extra information. All her good intentions, the desperation that go along with them.- Y'know most of the time tryin to anticipate what someone's gonna do or why they feel the way they feel is real misleadin. Unless you have a real blunt discussion about it, you could never know. You might've fucked up, but it don't mean every bad thing that person's feelin is your fault.

SILVAH: The stuff you can pin down as yours is what you should concentrate on, is what I'm sayin.

RYAN: -peers up from behind her hand, eyes glossy with sadness but... there's some hope too. she laughs a little, trying not to seem too broken up about the stuff going on in her head.-

RYAN: i hear you.

RYAN: i just...

RYAN: wanna know im making someone happy for once.

RYAN: you know?

SILVAH: -She seems so vulnerable, it almost hurts to look. They're barely acquaintances at this point, but he doesn't care, he's gonna lightly reach out and touch her hand with his non robotic one.- You got yourself a super acheivable goal there, blondie. I think you're gonna be ok.

SILVAH: -Backs it up with a warm smile too. Believe him. He belives in you!-

RYAN: -well... it's hard not to smile when it feels like someone believes in you. and for some reason, in this moment she kind of believes it too. she doesn't mind the touch. she welcomes it in fact, feeling a little bit touch starved lately.-

RYAN: ill definitely be okay if i keep coming back for these milkshakes...

SILVAH: Hah! You think I'm gonna let you keep orderin just milkshakes.

SILVAH: -Pats her hand, gives it a gentle little squeeze and then releases her.-

RYAN: -giggles again. what a big softie...- i thought the customer was always right???? rude ass...

SILVAH: -Laughs with her. Huh huh huh.- I'mma personally fight whoever came up with that horse shite. The customer ain't right even half the time, let alone always.

SILVAH: This is the only place in the goddamn world where I control everythin. It ain't a fuckin democracy.

RYAN: -snorts and then full on cackles.- geez!!! then i guess ill have to refer to your expert opinion every day im here. :wink:

  SILVAH:  Heh heh. S'long as its real food some of the time I'll be a happy clam.