#i wont really know what to do with myself i dont think. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

adilynnyuri · 1 day

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hey so an exam of mine is in two days and I havent much prepared for it im dependent on pulling an all nighter before each exam but that wont help too much right so im mostly dependent on manifesting that the exam goes really well,i get asked questions that i know in the exam and then i receive atleast above 80% ( havent even studied for more than 60%) so i know that it is possible to manifest everything and I had fell into a really good place w my manifestation and also had started trusting my ability . But today i remembered that in my last exam i also did sats and thought i would get good grades or whatever but somehow it didnt happen i got okayish grades but not the ones i wanted i got full in some subjects but did really bad in others. So now ive started to doubt myself and thinking that I did the same last time and it didnt happen so why would it happen this time and all😭 even though just yesterday i manifested this one thing i wanted instantly now im starting to doubt myself i dont know what to doo

Plus on top of all this my grandfather is a dementia patient and has not been able to eat talk or get up do anything for about 4 years and was bedridden we have kept at home nurses for him and everything is done for him . But from two days his oxygen level has beennm really low and we took him to the hospital today and they are saying that he doesnt have very high chances. I dont know what to do im affirming constantly that hes absolutely fine and healthy and he will come home and all but idk

Hii love! 🤍

LOVE CALM DOWN FIRST OF ALL!! I UNDERSTAND YOU ARE GOING THROUGH SOME DOUBTS BUT IT IS NOT PERMANENT!!

When speaking of your grades,

⭐ Do not accept any marks less than what you desired! "IF IT DOESN'T HAPPEN" in your physical reality, THEN STILL PERSIST AND REVISE YOUR MARKS TO YOUR DESIRED ONES. Once again coming up with same example, if you ordered a burger(ur desire) and you got chicken nuggets(undesired) , would you be sitting and accepting the chicken nuggets? You will immediately command the waiter (your subconscious) to get the burger YOU wanted right?

⭐ Just like that, see your desires! IF SOMETHING UNDESIRED HAPPENS IN YOUR REALITY = GOES TO TRASH!

̶D̶O̶N'̶T ̶F̶U̶C̶K̶I̶N̶G ̶C̶O̶M̶P̶L̶I̶C̶A̶T̶E ̶Y̶O̶U̶R̶S̶E̶L̶F ̶D̶O̶U̶B̶T̶I̶N̶G ̶Y̶O̶U̶R̶S̶E̶L̶F ̶T̶H̶I̶N̶K̶I̶N̶G ̶̶Y̶̶O̶̶U̶ ̶D̶I̶D ̶̶S̶̶O̶̶M̶E̶̶T̶H̶I̶N̶G ̶W̶R̶O̶N̶G

⭐ YOU MUST GET WHAT YOU WANTED! IT'S THE TRUTH. GOOD OR BAD DEPENDS ON YOUR CONSISTENCY. IF YOU REPEATEDLY SAY

"oh my gawd I have to pull up an all nighter orelse I won't get good grades"

"What if I don't get what I wanted? "

Shut👏🏻the👏🏻 fuck👏🏻 up

When it comes to your grandfather's condition, THE SAME GOES TO THIS TOO. You want your grandfather to be healthy? THEN ASSUME HE'S HEALTHY! DOESN'T MATTER IF THE MOST "EXPERTED DOCTOR" IS SAYING THAT THERE'S NO CHANCES!

Do you think they control your reality? ITS YOUR REALITY. YOU DECIDE WHAT MOVES AND WHAT DOESN'T!

I literally revised the death of my uncle who was dead 4 years ago! NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE!

With lots of love,

ADILYNN YURI🤍🌷

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orcelito · 11 months

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So I've had no time to write today bc work etc etc but I've been thinking about it like All day and

I have chapter 17 all plotted out, and tbh could potentially write it in a matter of days, brain willing. It's finally back to Not action, which as fun as action is to write its also fucking Hard. So it'll be nice not having to agonize over the sound of a fucking chain (Twice) etc etc. Add in the fact that it's gonna be angsty as hell (angst is always the Easiest for me to write) & I rly think I could knock this one out quickly.

And the Great news is that. Examining the timeline and what I have planned...

Wolfwood is definitely arriving in chapter 18. And not at the end like I'd suspected. No, he's probably gonna be there towards the Start.

I've gotten through the two most difficult arcs to write for early ITNL, so the ball is really rolling now. We are Finally getting places...

#speculation nation #itnl shit #the sandsteamer and the legato & monev things were Important #and i wanted to capture them in ways that was exciting to read #and displayed the sorts of things vash is doing to Make Things Better (with varying levels of success)#plus the experience of his friendship with the girls growing... these arcs have been ESSENTIAL for the progression of their relationships #so yes early manga stuff isnt really applicable for the vw but this isnt ONLY a vw fic #it's an examination of ALL of vash's important relationships. like with the girls. and with his brother.#thats why i got the platonic tags too. They Matter.#so i dont regret how much time and effort ive spent on all this stuff #... that being said tho. im REALLY looking forward to when he finally comes in.#i wont really know what to do with myself i dont think.#itnl has been such an exploration of grief and longing. and then itll actually get to the NEW romance???#big if true. and it's Gonna be true soon...#so yea idk. im excited. im a little nervous too. just gonna try my best to make sure it keeps being good.#readers r so very nice. and i wanna give y'all what ur Really looking forward to...#soon. Soon.

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bacchuschucklefuck · 3 months

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pygmalion and galatea for aroace people

you should tell your friends what I look like, riz gukgak.

#fantasy high #fantasy high sophomore year #fhsy #riz gukgak #baron from the baronies #fh class quangle #class swap babeyy! bard!riz that's whats goin on!#I really need tags for these now I think lmao #ask to tag #I feel like this should be tagged something. but I dont know what #in my brain after the initial kidnapping class swap baron's thing is every time riz keeps his story abt them up in front of his friends #they get a little bit closer. they send him pictures of where they supposedly are n stuff #theres a scene in my brain only of kristen and riz on top of the van and kristen is like everything kinda sucks rn can u tell me abt baron #cause what you guys have is so nice and beautiful. and riz almost doesn't but he ultimately can't deny kristen a little peace #lmao I feel like dipping into baron stuff with the class swap is like showing my whole ass online again I just. I'm a #horror person before all else... I cant stop myself. canon baron is Great and Cool but that is kind of the thing. for a horror thing theyre #Too Cool. I think cool is kind of the neutralizer of scary. when a monster is a certain amount of cool it overrides the scary #and now u just have a Cool Monster #its so fucked for bard!riz this year bc he doesn't have an office (he's mooching off the school wifi from the AV club room lol)#so there's no buffer between adventure and home life. so baron just shows up in the strongtower apartment lmao #sophomore year bard!riz looks like a slasher protag so I just leaned into it I guess. he gets a mr. x if mr. x is made up by leon kennedy #well. its worse actually. they can show up where he is at any moment theyve proven this. but they dont #they choose to punish him slowly as he lies to his friends instead. baron is mr. x if mr. x is made up by leon and also a bitch #I think its gonna pop up if class swap baron ever speaks in a comic I do but their voice comes from like. inside their hollow face #it sounds like it's a lot deeper in there than that skull should be #tbh what I have rn is kinda like a bag of loose pieces that Can fit together into something great but I dont have the energy to #really sit down with them yet lol. Im doing this inbetween other things #it comes or it doesn't! it's fine. funny how today's bad comic day also. I wont say this is for bad comic day bc all my comics are #flawless and beautiful and perfect and awesome and beautiful and the best #but u should. if u havent drawn a comic today or at all ever u should draw a comic

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puppyeared · 7 months

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i wanna post my skip to loafer art but i cant do it knowing ppl are gonna put it on tiktok and pinterest bc itd be like. bringing an invasive species ykwim

#my meds just kicked in so im feeling talkative but truly idk how to explain it #its like. with anything else id be more than happy to introduce it to ppl like monkie kid and mp100. witch hat maybe but its personal to me #but skip to loafer is special to me. and i feel bad for saying this bc other ppl do deserve to watch smth they will enjoy #hell the reason i got into it was bc my friend was kind enough to lend me her copy and i got hooked #its so ironic im saying this esp given how insecure i am abt depicting characters wrong. but i really dont want to look thru the tags #and see them on a 'can i copy your homework' tier list. or ppl getting mad abt why egashira mitsumi and shima cant just be a throuple #its just!! i wont stop you if thats how you like to engage with the show or how you interpret it bc ill just ignore it and leave u alone!!#and theres no objective wrong way of doing it!! and i know that interacting with the work is what forms a community after all!!#but keeping it tight knit is just easier for me bc nobody has to worry abt making each other laugh and we can enjoy it for what it is #fully aware im saying this as someone whos drawn monkie kid art with text post memes and owl house draw the squad templates #but at the same time i just. dont want to explain myself or give ppl reasons why shima and mitsumi are ace coded just bc it 'feels right'#fandom is a communal thing and it feels so hypocritical thinking this. too many conflictng thoughts that idk what to act on #yapping

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bunnihearted · 2 months

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legitimately wanna die bc i keep checking his blog and thinking obsessively about him and then i get pangs in my chest as i realize that he doesnt care abt me bc he has someone else again so he doesnt think of me and im sitting here going crazy bc i want him so bad but he doesnt want me he wants someone else 🥴

#i know i sound crazy but yeah like idk what to do i wanna die ^-^#bc like ok im here alone in my room with no friends no life no nothing. i have no one to talk to #i have nobody in the whole wide world to talk to... and im crying and all i can think abt him #while he is talking to the person he wants. and he's not crying all alone bc he loves me and wants me so bad #you see??? thats why im going crazy bc he'll be ok he has someone while i wont be ok and i dont have anyone #i dont even have a friend to talk to and cry to and be comforted by. i have no one.#and the loneliness is so suffocating and i see my future and i have been alone my entire life and i will always be alone #i just want a gun and off myself (not bc of him specifically but bc of the loneliness i've always had)#like idk i just cant let go of the fact that im crying checking his blog #while he isnt checking my blog at all and he isnt thinking of me at all bc he is thinking of her #yk that in of itself is so humiliating and so cruel 💀#and i know i sound ridiculous but idk im trying to read and im trying to watch smth and i just cant stop hurting #i can go non contact and try to forget him #but that will hurt so fkn bad bc he is all i want #but then i rmbr that im not what he wants #so what? will i just message him once every couple of months? all the while he'll have someone else #why would he even want to keep talking to me???? lmao like if he has someone why would he wanna talk to me at all?#and how am i gonna be ok w talking to him abt idk the fkn weather while i really wanna be in love w him but i cant bc he isnt mine???#but how am i supposed to just not talk to him ever again when he is the one person... i wanna talk to all day and know everything abt #which.. is the issue bc i feel that way abt him but he doesnt feel that way abt me bc hes wanting that with her #it just... doesnt work so idk what to do #it hurts that he found someone else to be worthy of a chance but not me.... i wasnt worth a chance

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uygfiug · 27 days

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how do you people study through extreme exhaustion? bc thats what always gets me during the exams & i cannot keep doing this forever

#the first time i had exams i kept going through pure desperation #bc i cared a lot more back then #but now i just dont see studying as important enough for that to work #redoing a year wont be fun but i know people the year below me & it wouldnt be bad either #anyways to pass this next exam i probably wont get any sleep #or maybe 2 hours #which i know is bad but since its only 2 exams this time im less worried about sleep & more about just getting through #so i need to know how to keep myself going #i have no available caffeine :( otherwise thatd be my first idea #but idk ive tried so many things #turning on the big light #movement breaks #short naps #sleeping a few hours & just getting up really early #music - which does help a lot but its not enough #mine #please no one ever taught me any of this i just keep guessing & hoping i get it right #like at school they do 'teach you to study' but really its just a few tips #mostly to take care of yourself & not pull all nighters #like okay. but what if i have to otherwise i will not pass? how do i manage that?#i never had to study before high school #& that combined with my horrible mental state at the time meant my grades went from really good to horrible #and yet somehow passing #but idk i dont want to be hanging on by a thread and just one mistake away from failing anymore #thats not fun #i think it was kinda good for me since i made peace with maybe failing & dont really care about that anymore? like if i fail thats okay too #but yeah anyway #im rambling so i dont have to start studying

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lesbianwithchainsaws · 2 months

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Lowkey once again having that feeling that I wish I would've successfully killed myself when I was younger... isn't that fun (/s). I just feel so scared and overwhelmed about the future, like I'm so uncertain of everything and I feel like a complete failure because nothing I tried before has worked out. And I know logically there's still time, but it feels like I should be better than this. I feel like I haven't really changed that much since being a teenager. I was scared and lonely then, and I'm scared and lonely now. What if I'm always like this and I never figure anything out, and I'm just always a failure. What if nothing ever works out. Fuck

#sorry for being annoying and venting on here so much i just dont know what else to do #also please dont worry about me i wont kill myself i promise. theres way too many things out there i still wanna experience #at the very least there's so many horror movies i still havent seen and im not dying until I've seen them all #and since there's always new ones to discover and to be released; i will be sticking around #so yeah i promise im not gonna do anything like that. i just get really overwhelmed a lot lately #bc i cant stop thinking about my current life and future and when i do my thoughts just spiral endlessly #and i feel terrible #anyway apologies again #vent post

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spagheddiesquash · 2 months

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had the idea to make this

#srsly idk what people’s deal is #personally i think its cool that some ppl have big noses and some ppl have small ones and there are different shapes #but yeah no everyone always tells me shit like ‘dude ur nose is huge’ like. do you think i dont know that??#u think im gonna go look at myself in the mirror and get jumpscared like OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK HOW DID THAT GET THERE #and be like JESUS CHRIST I NEED TO FIX THIS IMMEDIATELY #because no the fuck i wont!!! was never raised to ever think it was a bad thing #because it really isnt #i wish all people that judge people based on their nose (or really any part of anyones appearance) a very please rethink your life choices #and besides #one of the main ways i make my faces look different from each other when i design characters is i just give them different shaped noses #sorry for the rant. was just thinking about it today

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gibbearish · 25 days

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idk, its just. like. a person comes up to you with their heart cradled in their hands. says it is broken, says it hurts. places it in your hands, asks you to please make it stop and trusts you to fix it. wouldnt you be scared, too? wouldn't you be haunted by visions of you tripping and shattering it beyond repair, of driving the thing thats hurting them even further down so that maybe no one can ever get it out, of someone in their deepest darkest moment trusting you with their life and you fucking it up? how could that ever feel like anything but defusing a bomb? trust is such a valuable thing, a powerful thing, a delicate thing, and the more you have the more you get given and the more careful you have to be with it because what if someday you drop it and break it and it turns out you never should have been given it in the first place. wouldnt you be scared?

#origibberish #idk. obviously im not a therapist of any sort myself but. i do know that that essentially is the role ive been playing in uquiz convos #and im happy to help but. it does definitely start to weigh on a person #the expectation to have The Right Answer On Who You Are even though i dont really know who i am #and the knowledge that this isnt like. characters im analyzing from a book‚ these are real people with real lives‚ it just. idk.#i keep having to tell people i wont just assign them a new gender and then realizing that like #the fact that im having to do that means that i. could. if i wanted to. and THAT means i have to be careful not to do it by accident either #like. people are coming to me for this bc they see me as an authority figure and if i just went 'nah you dont seem trans' then theyd.#probably listen. at least for a while #i could take the easy way out and just pick whatever answers i want but the entire point is to not do that so of course im not going to but #that doesnt stop people from wanting or expecting it #you want me to be an objective mirror impassively reflecting your true self back to you but that just. isnt possible. im sorry #there is no '''true answer''' for me to unlock for you. there is only the present and the future and what choices you make going forward.#uquibberish #<wasnt sure if i was gonna include this in the tag but. idk i think it probably is important too #i know the conversation is about you and i dont want to make it about me. but. i do want to be considered. at least a little #the disclaimer in my pinned is for yall but it is also for me

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tyranitarkisser · 3 months

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,

#it is so frustrating being autistic and having bad social skills and being self aware enough to know when youre being awkward but not enough #to actually be able to do anything about it #i used to try so hard to fight it and i think it made it really obvious i was compensating for something so i stopped #because i dont care enough 5o mask for anyone anymore because why should i act fake for people that wont give me the time of day anyway #im just upset because i done made a fool of myself at work. is it as bad as im imagining it to be in my head no probably not #but i wish i could just unabashedly be myself and not worry what other people think #or better yet. i wish i was normal. or that i was good at masking like my friends

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opens-up-4-nobody · 5 months

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...

#my dads back in ohio again so im back on my own. i still feel terrible but at least i have a plan #i have 2 weeks of this semester left. so i have to not fail my genomics exam and work on a group project plus grade a bunch #shouldnt be too hard but everything makes me so tired rn and i just feel this barrier between myself and everything else #even when my dad was here. i just dont kno how to feel happy. just varied levels of stress #but after the semester is over ill have to find a job for the summer. which super stresses me out bc i havent really had a real job outside #academia and im worried about how stressful ill find it bc im sure its gonna suck but at least i wont have to work on my project #i just think if i had a normal job that doesnt dominate every aspect of my life id feel a little less terrible. or at least i wouldnt send #myself spiralling so much. if i stay here i might not survive it #but what if ill just make myself miserable wherever i am? i dunno. but im gonna try to find a non academic job this summer with the epa or #maybe the usgs. i mean ive gota a bachelor's and a masters in environmental topics. that's gotta count for something #just get a government job. pray for a not terrible set of coworkers. and build something from there #it just sucks bc i feel like everythings falling apart and like i kno if i gave it my all i could pull thru and get my phd but im just so #tired of struggling against something everyone else can do. i just cant read at a level appropriate for what im doing #ugh. i dont wanna study for genomics. i just wanna sleep. i just wish i wasn't in this position #and now i a baby about it. i mean my sisters r in similar positions bc the youngest is currently looking for a teaching job. and my middle #sister is looking to move to new york city in the next 6 months and she'd be quitting her job for that. so we're all sorta in flux #i just wanna not be flailing. not watch my hopes and dreams collapse. be excited about anything. im just sad bc i have to make hard choices #even if i know theyre the right ones to make if i want to continue to exist. sometimes u cant have the things u wany.#and that sucks and i hate it. theme of the year: sometimes life sucks and theres nothing u can do abt it #unrelated

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macroglossus · 8 months

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being evaluated for adhd by having one of those full psych evals that last like two hours. scared frightened etc.... last time i took it i lied extensively bc i was 13 and thought they might tell my mommy if i said i had suicidal thoughts. and i still have a habit of lying to therapists bc i'm embarrassed......... AGH idk. what if i take it and they tell me that the reason im Like This is bc im genuinely just weird and shitty and not bc im mentally ill at all. SCARED

#which is dumb bc i have been formally diagnosed with multiple mental illnesses i dont think they can just take it back right?????#this is so stupid and cliche but what if i have been faking it........ all along........ Argh.#when i was in res i was put on adderall (bc the house psych just kind of experimented w meds LMFAO) and i had to go off them after like #two weeks bc it was affecting my appetite in a way i couldnt afford at the time lmao. but i do genuinely feel like it helped during that #time.... which is why i want to go on it again!!!! but im scared theyll just be like nah and i wont be able to take any of my meds anymore #is that crazy. am i being crazy rn. idk i truly do think most of my experiences w school and like. life could be explained by adhd and #when i was a kid they thought i had it but the two meds they tried didnt work for me so they just. kind of gave up #and i was really extremely unable to do school and graduated hs w an insanely low gpa and then dropped out of community college. LMAO. not #that people w adhd cant be good in school i just couldnt make myself do homework and couldnt listen in class bc i was too busy focusing on #listening. if that makes sense #IDK. idk. i know it's become like. a trend to have adhd is the issue and everything is being attributed to having it so im worried that ive #like. accidentally fallen in w that? even though ive thought i had it for forever and everyone has been like girl do you have this. IDK!!!!#idk. idkkkk im just like. genuinely scared. it's not the end of the world if im not diagnosed obviously but that means that #im just like this for no reason at all. and there's no way of helping it bc it's just the way i am. and i actually am just shitty n lazy.#epic. which incidentally is the proper name for how fucking long these tags are my bad. if you read this far sorry for being insane 👍

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lesbicastagna · 5 days

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had a realization while driving and iwanted to crash the car. God

#i wont lie. the affair has been on the mind for some reason i cant even guess.#and i was literally thinking of how insane she was for looking me in the eye and telling me she thought me and him really #could have worked well in a relationship. i was thinking what even possesses you to say smth like that after i rejected him. and he cant #know but you and i know im blatantly interested in you. so. whats the game. and.....like i dont fucking know what it is.#it has occupied a large part of my mind. i do have a pretty good guess. happened to my buddy #a #i should kill myself

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omanu · 14 days

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#starting to feel Real Anxious about my final assignments im so fucking stupidjfkddi #naurr cuz i feel it it my stomach this is NOT looking good i dont know how im gonna make everything but i just know that i gotta find a way #djdkdkdj this is NOT LOOKING GOOD I REPEAT I THINK im gonna get into an anxious episode which means im gonna feel like im about to have a #heart attack during the entire time im awake and im not gonna be able to sleep bc of it #nxnxxjdj this is great!!! and tem what's funnier is that i set myself up cuz i HAD time i HAD TIME i just didn't have the will #whats tem omg but anyways i feeeel it i feel it im gonna start feeling so bad tomorrow #ughim so fuckiggndn stupid #need to write an 8 page internship report due Thursday #a two page final assignment for history class due Wednesday #a group thingie due friday... i dont know if im gonna have the brains to write all of this during three days cuz tomorrow i wont have time #i have classes during the afternoon and night and i need to make a presentation for this other final assignment due tomorrow night so the #morning is gonna be about doing that lmfao im so cooked cuz i dont really have an easy time writing i hate writing specially academically s #like i hope i die i hope i get ran over or something #jfkskd came back to jot down that i also have a portfolio to turn in on friday lmfaooo

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