#so i dont wanna poke around in case i make it worse and lose all my data

[cuz-reasons]

Also hey if you follow me and like read my fics uhhhh my computer decided to just not find its hard drive and I can't get it to the repair shop until I'm not at risk at eating shit on the way down the hill. So uhhh brief hiatus on those

[ceterisparibus116]

The claire meeting stick oneshot that you wrote was amazing, could you do one with foggy interacting with stick if you havent already. You dont have to if you dont want to

*hugs* of course I want to! This is probably not complete yet, but here’s a start. Set before Season 2.

Foggy was having a good day. Mrs. Smirnov paid them indonuts and actual currency, he foundsome smoking hot precedent to save the day for their client accused of robbery,and Karen turned up some new facts in their controlled substance case thatproved their client wasn’t engaged inwillful blindness—and yes, that prompted a lot of very unprofessional jokes atMatt’s expense when no clients were around.

Speaking of Matt. Things were good with him, too. It wasn’tquite like the old days: once you find out your buddy can hear your heartbeat andsmell your sweat, there’s really no going back. But he seemed to be bendingover backwards to not rock the boat.

(Because Karen didn’t know. Because Matt was a coward.)

Which, unfortunately, often meant hiding injuries. He didn’tseem to understand that Foggy got just as upset from knowing Matt was hiding injuriesas from seeing the injuries themselves. Foggy made a subtle game out of forcingMatt to reveal them, usually by poking him in any suspicious locations. Orthrowing things at him, when Karen wasn’t watching.

Was it nice? No. But there were worse coping mechanisms.

Like Matt’s coping mechanism, for instance, which apparentlyinvolved picking a fight with a sentient crowbar. Now he had a broken finger toshow for it, and probably a bunch of bruises. Most likely some kind of head injury too, although he successfully convincedKaren to go on a coffee run instead of making the coffee herself, so Foggywasn’t about to accuse him of being concussed. Yet.

But he was definitely not above throwing things at Mattwhenever he walked past Matt’s office. Matt had to choose between moving, whichapparently hurt, or getting hit in the face with stress balls. He consistently optedfor the stress balls.

“That one has a baby hippo on it,” Foggy informed him as theball bounced off Matt’s cheek. He’d taken his glasses off after the first roundof attacks.

“I don’t think that’s true.”

Foggy leaned against his doorframe. “Why? Because of myheartbeat?”

Matt looked mildly uncomfortable. Maybe at the edge toFoggy’s voice, maybe because he actually felt guilty for reading people’sheartbeats without their permission, maybe because he was just super beat up.Who knew? “Your heartbeat doesn’t usually give you away when you’re jokingaround. You’re not worked up enough about the lie. So, no, I just find itunlikely that this particular stress ball has a baby hippo.” He threw it backwith considerably better aim. “If you said it was a giraffe, maybe I’d buy that.”

“What makes a giraffe more reasonable than a hippo?” Foggydemanded, relaxing a bit at the idea that Matt’s polygraph thing wasn’tinfallible.

Matt looked thoughtful. “I don’t know. They just seem morepopular.”

“Ridiculous,” Foggy declared. “Hippos are both deadly andadorable. Not unlike you.”

“They—wait, what?” he spluttered.

“You heard me,” Foggy said serenely, tossing the ball backat him.

Deadly and adorable and a lying liar and also Foggy’s bestfriend. How was this his life?

But Foggy was resolutely making the best of it.

Rolling his eyes, Matt opened his mouth for some retort thatwas certain to be zinging, although the joke was on him. Goading Matt intoretorts was all Foggy wanted, just a little way of pretending everything was stilllike it used to be.

But the retort never came. Instead, Matt’s whole bodystiffened.

“Buddy?” Foggy asked cautiously.

Matt was on his feet so fast that Foggy thought backwards toremember if he’d blinked. He hadn’t. Anyway, Matt was already brushing pasthim, heading for…what, the door?

“Matt!” Foggy grabbed his arm. “This is not the time for crimefighting.” It was broad daylight and he wasin a business suit and he’d left his glasses in his office, what was wrong with him?

“Fine,” Matt said shortly, but before Foggy could celebratethe acquiescence, Matt twisted until he was grabbing Foggy instead of the otherway around. “Then you need to leave.”

There was something weird in Matt’s voice that Foggy wasn’tused to hearing and couldn’t quite pin down. “Uh, no. I’m in the middle of—”

Matt turned his head as if he could look straight at Foggy.“I’m serious.”

“Yeah, I’m getting that,” Foggy said unsteadily. “What’sgoing on?”

“Foggy, please, just—”

The door opened, but the first thing Foggy saw was a long,thin stick. Like Matt’s. It was accompanied by an old man in dark sunglasses. Fromthe way Matt reacted, it might as well have been accompanied by a swarm ofhornets.

“So this is it, huh?” The old man swiveled his head, notlike he was looking around—because duh—butlike he was…breathing the place in, or something equally weird. “The fancy job?”

“I told you,” Matt said tensely. “The job’s not that fancy.”

“It’s got, what, two separate offices? And a kitchen?” He sniffed loudly. “With donuts. Hell, Matty. No wonderyou were such a wreck when I found you.”

“Which time? When I was a kid, or twenty years later?”

Stick rolled his head on his neck towards Foggy. “He keepsdoing this,” he drawled in a fake whisper. “Bringing up how I left him like hethinks it’ll get him pity.” He cocked his head back at Matt, who lowered hishead ever so slightly. It made Foggy furious. “I found you crying in anorphanage, kid. Don’t see why you think there’s anything that’d make me feelsorry for you.”

“You’re him,” Foggy burst out. “You’re that guy.” The guywho trained Matt and who, according to Karen (murmured guiltily over beers,like they both knew Matt would hate it if he knew they were talking about him)told Matt that he’d have to cut people out of his life to be effective.

“Foggy.” Matt’s voice was a warning, but it wassimultaneously somehow small.

“What kind of a name is Foggy?” Stick asked scathingly.

Bit rich coming from a guy called Stick. For better orworse, Foggy kept that thought locked up in his head.

“You’re the partner,”Stick deduced, tilting his head towards Foggy, and it was such a Matt-likegesture that it looked so wrong on his wiry old body. “Lived together inColombia.”

A shiver ran down Foggy’s spine. “How do you—”

“I know a lot, kid. More than you ever will, that’s forsure.” He tapped his cane on the floor. “All the books and shit you’ve gotpacked in here, it doesn’t mean anything. Not in the real world. None of itcounts.”

“We’re helping people, Stick,” Matt said tightly. “Thatcounts.”

“Saving ’em from a couple years in jail won’t do much for’em when this whole city gets turned upside down. But I know you won’t listen,Matty, no matter what I say.” He almost—almost—soundedsort of sad. He jerked his chin at Foggy. “You tied yourself down to him. I’mnot surprised you’ve gone soft.”

Matt said something back, something argumentative that Foggydidn’t think would make any difference at all, but Foggy was distracted tryingto unravel everything Stick just said. About soft, and tied down. “Hang on,” heinterrupted.

Matt visibly gritted his teeth, but Stick looked delighted.“You thought of something?”

“Yeah,” Foggy said defiantly. “Lemme know if I’ve got thisstraight. You’re saying Matt wants to help people because he’s soft, right?”

“He wants to help people in whatever useless way will soothehis baby feelings,” Stick corrected.

“Because he’s soft,” Foggy insisted, while Matt opened hismouth, then closed it. “And you think he’s soft because he got tied down to me.Correct?”

“Wow,” Stick drawled, cocking his head back at Matt. “I seewhy you keep him around.”

Foggy actually laughed. “You don’t know Matt at all if youthink I’m the reason he cares aboutpeople. He does that all on his own.”

He’d meant the words for Stick, but hearing it seemed tomake Matt stand up just a little straighter. “Listen, Stick, whatever you’re hereabout, I don’t care. I have a life, one that I—”

“Not for much longer.”

Foggy started calculating his odds of getting to his officefor his softball bat, because for some reason he didn’t want to try to take onthe old man via fisticuffs.

Matt shifted in front of Foggy. “Is that a threat?”

“Observation,” Stick countered. “It’s inevitable. Although,yeah, if I have to rescue you from the softness myself, I’ll do what it takes.”His voice sort of softened. “I’m not gonna lose you, Matty.”

“You already have.” Matt’s head suddenly twitched up a waythat was now familiar. He was picking up on something. “You need to leave.”

From the look on Stick’s face, he’d heard it too. A smilespread slowly, wickedly across his face. “We’re just getting started.”

“Stick, I’m serious.”

“So’m I, Matty.”

Matt stepped forward, right up in front of Stick. The toesof their shoes were almost touching. “I won’t ask again.”

Stick’s sightless eyes flicked in Foggy’s direction for aninstant. “Or what?”

Before Foggy could even gasp, Matt’s fist snapped out. ButStick had already shifted to the left. He punched back. Matt dodged and grabbedStick’s lapels; Stick kicked out and Matt sidestepped. Then Stick threw an elbowthat caught Matt across the face.

Foggy winced, but the pain seemed to ignitesomething in Matt. He shoved Stick up against the wall with Stick’s lapelsbunched at his throat. “Get out.”

“You’re gonna wanna take your hands off me, kid.”

“Get out.”

“Too late,” Stick murmured.

Shockingly, Matt seemed to agree. He dropped Stick the waysomeone might drop a bag of dog dung and stepped back, running a hand—was itshaking?—down his tie. Before Foggy could process that, wait a second, theyjust had a fight in the office, the front door was opening.

Karen walked in. “Oh, hi.”

[gulescamisade]

MN, Ground:  Day 21

DIRK: -has been up since the wee hours trying to get a signal on the lake house's tv. not only to keep on top of current events, but also to make sure they can catch the show his dad and uncle are planning on broadcasting. he can't miss that... plus, this gives him something to do with his hands. it's a win-win-

SOLLUX: -He can't sleep. It's not a completely unusual occurrence, but it's definitely unwanted when there's so little for him to occupy his mind with. He's frustrated with his own sleeplessness, and he elects to drift around corners of the lake house, smelling his way around and brushing into edges here and there.-

ARADIA: -she's awake also, sitting at a table in the kitchen and staring out the window, watching the scene outside-

[THERE ARE CAR SOUNDS IN THE DISTANCE]

[BROOM BROOM]

SOLLUX: ...wtf?

ARADIA: -car sounds. Yes. as expected- yes it is tf

SOLLUX: thanks aa.

SOLLUX: that really clears things up f0r me.

JAMISON: =Now they they've been freed of all shenanigans (for now) the Mystery Machine pulls up outside a cozy looking cabin. TOO COZY. This van seems a bit too much anyway what with its mounted high-powered rooftop weaponry and a mysteriously stained pyramid ram located on the front.... listen you gotta be prepared. The van stops, we're here. YOU'VE BEEN FREED=

ARADIA: youre welcome

ARADIA: theyre here

SOLLUX: wh0's "they"????

ROSE: -PEERS OUT A WINDOW-

MEULIN: -smushes against the glass up above her-

ARADIA: youll see

ARADIA: hear or smell rather

SOLLUX: i d0n't think i want t0.

ROSE: -SHE JUST SORTA OPENS THE DOOR AND FLOPS OUT.- So. This is the place, yes.

MEULIN: I GUESS SO. -steps out and adjusts her sunglasses in a thoughtful, nerdy sort of way.-

MEULIN: IS EFURRYONE INSIDE?

ROSE: At least several people are inside.

ROSE: I think.

MEULIN: AND IT'S TOTALLY NOT AN AMBUSH.

ROSE: We've been driving for days. I'll take an ambush over a perpetually sore ass.

MEULIN: YOU COULD ASK THEM FOR A BUTT RUB. (｡･ω･｡)

ARADIA: then cover your ears and nose

ROSE: Tempting.

MEULIN: FRIENDS GIVE FRIENDS BUTT RUBS. -sneaks toward the door-

SOLLUX: -flops in a kitchen chair next to Aradia and buries face in her hair. Done.-

ARADIA: there we go

ARADIA: perfect

SOLLUX: mph.

ARADIA: ignorance is bliss

ARADIA: and composed of my hair

SOLLUX: yeph.

MEULIN: -taps on the door and then sneaks to peer into the window-

ROSE: -UNLOADING some crap from the van. Like a bag messily stuffed with laundry.-

MEULIN: HEY, IT'S ARADIA!

ARADIA: -sees meulin at the window and waves excitedly for her to come in-

MEULIN: SHE SAYS TO COME IN.

ROSE: I imagine she would. Do you see anyone else?

MEULIN: YEAH. SOMEONE IN HER HAIR.

ROSE: Okay, good. That means it is legitimate.

ROSE: -BURSTS IN.- I need a washing machine and a shower. Not necessarily in that order.

MEULIN: -slinks behind her- HI! ME TOO.

SOLLUX: f0inh the klaa.

ROSE: Aradia, you appear to have something entangled.

ARADIA: -smiles widely at them- hi guys! im glad you made it

ARADIA: -glances solluxward- yes it appears to be a pretty bad knot

SOLLUX: -flips them all off-

ROSE: It's good to see you're safe, too.

MEULIN: COOL.

SOLLUX: hhhf.

DIRK: -walks in on all this and stares at everyone with wide eyes. loses his cool for a second, but whatever he already looked worse for wear. he's just he's so relieved to see them.-

DIRK: Rose.

DIRK: Hey.

ROSE: -APPROACHES... and drops the bag of laundry on the ground.-

ROSE: You look pretty good, for looking like hell. Have you been shaving?

MEULIN: (｡◕ω◕｡)

MEULIN: BETTER NOT HAVE. I WANNA TOUCH THE WHISKERS.

DIRK: Do I really look that ragged? -runs a palm over his scruff. he hasn't been.-

ROSE: Could I possibly not look that ragged?

ROSE: Did you hear about what happened?

ROSE: I am somewhat hoping that you did.

MEULIN: -pads over and touches Dirk's whiskers with her beans while they converse. TUCH.-

MEULIN: -also nuzzles his shoulder. HELLO.-

ARADIA: it was pretty incredible

DIRK: -wow, affection. he almost forgot what that feels like. whoops. he gives meulin's hair a pet and cracks a small smile at both her and rose's combined presence. they're wonderful.-

DIRK: I wish I could've been there.

ROSE: At this risk of sounding inappropriate at a time like this, I am, in fact, quite glad that you weren't.

ROSE: I don't think there is anyone I'd wish that place upon.

ROSE: Not that it matters now, I suppose.

MEULIN: IT WAS PRETTY GROSS ON A WHOLE.

MEULIN: AND ON A CASE BY CASE BASIS.

MEULIN: ROSE WAS A TOTAL BADASS THOUGH.

DIRK: Yeah. You're right. I'm sure there will be more opportunities to witness Rose showing off how fuckin' rad she is.

ROSE: -SIGHS and leans into the pile-

ROSE: You are going to make me blush.

ROSE: Everyone here's okay?

DIRK: -nods- Yeah.

DIRK: We're... We're good. -pets meulin's hair some more. thank goodness for therapy cats.-

DIRK: We lucked out finding a nice place to lay low. You guys can take care of your showers and shit. Just don't expect hot water for long.

DIRK: Oh yeah, I got the TV to work this morning too. That's a thing.

MEULIN: -prrrr rumbles, then perks ears.- TV? WHAT'S IT SAY?

DIRK: Still a lot of buzz about what y'all did. And my uncle's twitter war.

DIRK: You know the Virginia folks are gonna broadcast some kind of concert as a big fuck you to the presidents? Now that I definitely wish I was there for.

ROSE: ...

ROSE: Is it going to be broadcast?

ROSE: I kind of like the idea of that.

DIRK: It is.

DIRK: Wonder if I can scrounge up some popcorn for the event.

ROSE: We do have chips from a truckstop.

DIRK: Oh shit. Then we're all set.

MEULIN: AWWW MAN... I LOVE CONCERTS...

ROSE: -CASUALLY, AND GRACELESSLY, flops onto the nearest couch-like surface.-

DIRK: -there she goes... he's going to wander over to the kitchen though. hovering a little around sollux and aradia. subtly.-

DIRK: -addresses the new arrivals, though- Can I get you anything? We have... soup.

DIRK: Which incidentally is about the extent of what I can cook.

ROSE: I'm not sure. I may be done with eating, possibly forever.

ROSE: The concept has become fallow, truly.

MEULIN: I'M HUNGRY!!

MEULIN: -not even zombies can faze her-

ROSE: Can I consume soup intravenously?

DIRK: If only I had the means to test it. DIRK: Hey, Aradia. You've got first aid on you, right? Inject some soup into Rose.

DIRK: -rattles pots and pans for meulin. again, it's something to do. at least he can feel useful.-

ARADIA: mhmm

ARADIA: i could if you really want to

ARADIA: i recommend tasting

ROSE: -GROANING NOISE-

MEULIN: ~(=^. .^) -HOVERS-

MEULIN: PLEASE DON'T INJECT ROSE WITH SOUP.

DIRK: But she's suffering.

DIRK: -pours bowls for everybody once it's done. it's tomato... hands meu a bowl, then slides a couple at sollux and aradia before shuffling over to rose. eat...-

ROSE: -....ok so tomato soup she can probably do no matter how much it may resemble the blood of guy fieri.-

ROSE: -She tries to make it hover-- but urgh.-

ROSE: -nevermind.-

ROSE: -she just puts it on her stomach and eats it from there.-

MEULIN: - 👀tomato soup-

SOLLUX: -very slowly extracts himself from the hair prison-

ARADIA: dont get stuck

ARADIA: thanks dirk

DIRK: Think nothing of it. -goes to join them at the table to eat, but he's just kinda poking at the soup.-

SOLLUX: -grunts and just sort of touches his spoon.-

MEULIN: -SLRRRPS in the bg-

MEULIN: I STILL HAVE SOME MOOSE MEAT IF ANYONE WANTS.

DIRK: Huh.

DIRK: Maybe later.

ROSE: They killed a moose, by the way.

ROSE: -slurps...-

ROSE: Do we have a plan of attack, yet?

DIRK: ... Not quite.

DIRK: Haven't really... been able to focus.

[[ There's a soft glow of green that grows stronger suddenly, and there's a humanoid shape that hovers into the kitchen through the wall. There's some slime left behind. Oops. ]]

JADESPRITE: hi

ARADIA: -turns to smile at jade sprite- hi

JADESPRITE: -holds up a paw- i didnt want to interrupt especially since i cant eat or

JADESPRITE: contribute much else but

JADESPRITE: we did have some ideas

ROSE: -Blinks-

ROSE: -SHE CAN'T BELIEVE SHE FORGOT ABOUT JADESPRITE-

ROSE: Oh.

ROSE: Hello.

DIRK: -blinks in jadesprite's direction also.- ... Yeah?

JADESPRITE: yes

JADESPRITE: but i think maybe first we should talk about what's going on

ROSE: Right.

JADESPRITE: davesprite has been watching jade

JADESPRITE: something like this has happened before, in the universe we're from -laces her paw fingers together-

JADESPRITE: so we know what she's capable of

JADESPRITE: though you probably already figured out she was the one that zapped you around the country

JADESPRITE: she has full control of that power now

ROSE: Right. So we can't do anything to her head on, or with her awareness. ROSE: We'll just be in the same position we were before.

JADESPRITE: essentially yes

JADESPRITE: so someone has to deal with her

JADESPRITE: thats why were volunteering ourselves

JADESPRITE: -carefully, she pulls out some sort of pendant with a Skaianet symbol and dangles it in the air- i managed to recreate a device that davesprite has for myself

JADESPRITE: id like to give it to one of you for safekeeping, in case i need it

JADESPRITE: i can go into it and also be summoned to its location

JADESPRITE: jade has the one of davesprite's

DIRK: ... I can take it. -holds out his hand-

JADESPRITE: -smiles a little and offers it over to him- thanks

JADESPRITE: anything she tries to do to us would be significantly less dangerous than to any of you, and we should be able to come back quickly with these

JADESPRITE: besides... someone also has to handle jane

JADESPRITE: she doesnt have the same powers but... she is dangerous

ROSE: I... right. I suppose we're going to have to incapacitate them.

JADESPRITE: somehow, yes

JADESPRITE: but we can buy as much time as possible

JADESPRITE: but if it came down to it...

JADESPRITE: ...well, im sure well figure out something

ROSE: Right.

ROSE: I could probably buy time with Jane, at least.

ROSE: But I can't imagine deprogramming them will be... easy.

DIRK: -quietly puts the pendant on to keep it close, tucking it under his shirt, but he's zoning in and out of this conversation and it's frustrating him a little because he NEEDS to be a part of this.-

JADESPRITE: right

JADESPRITE: the brainwashing is affecting jades filters and inhibitions at the same time its telling her whos in control

JADESPRITE: all her repressed thoughts are loose

JADESPRITE: so it's not just the obedience thats the problem... -shakes her head- im sure jane is feeling something similar

JADESPRITE: um... anyway

JADESPRITE: hal has the ship just outside the atmosphere

JADESPRITE: weve managed to talk to him safely from space

JADESPRITE: horuss is still cloaking the ship too but im not sure what theyre planning to do

JADESPRITE: hal is being sort of cagey about it

ROSE: -She frowns.-

ROSE: Is this something that... happened to you?

JADESPRITE: ...

JADESPRITE: i think so

JADESPRITE: its not all clear but...

JADESPRITE: between my memories and davesprite's i feel sure that it's something i know well

ROSE: Do you have any foggy memories of getting out?

JADESPRITE: no...

JADESPRITE: it just feels like i went to sleep for a long time

ROSE: Ah.

ROSE: -She nods.-

ROSE: Well. That's an option.

ROSE: Knock her out somehow.

DIRK: I wonder if the Serkets would have any effect on them. -manages to chime in-

DIRK: I don't like suggesting that, but it might be one of our safest options. I'd rather not knock them out forcefully.

ROSE: Well, we can't waste our opportunity.

ARADIA: trust your instincts and dont doubt yourself

JADESPRITE: -hovers thoughtfully- ...

JADESPRITE: it could work

JADESPRITE: we will just have to be careful

JADESPRITE: if jade knows whats coming she could zap them away

ROSE: ...

ROSE: -sorta. Takes in a deep breath through her teeth.-

ROSE: Okay.

MEULIN: -she's already finished her soup, and now she's just sort of contemplating the bowl... everyone's working so hard-