#so i just kinda have to hide my stim toys and stuff from her and hope she doesn't notice i've been showing my neurodivergent traits more

[vermillionbones]

I'd love to hear more of your Phobditor HCs!!

ohoho thank you for enabling me anon i am going to kiss you directly on the mouth /pl

also slight warning for spoilers to the new(??) ending of project nexus!! i don't talk explicitly about what happens in general, but the stuff involving phobos is mentioned in the very first hc so for those of you who don't wanna be spoiled you can just skip that one lol. grab sum popcorn lads this one's a long one snbcnkcnvmv

Phobditor HCs!!

rbs very much appreciated 👉👈

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so i hc that phobos didn't actually get banished at the end of MPN, but he did get his ass handed to him to the point where he was so injured and drained of energy that he couldn't use most of his abilities. he went into hiding for a while and eventually found the AAHW, which he proceeded to join since he didn't really have anywhere else to go. after he'd healed and returned to his full strengh the auditor recognised how potentially useful he could be as a second in command, but ofc he'd have to earn her trust first. normally i don't try to make things make sense like this but since the auditor isn't actually in MPN i thought i'd at least try lmao

the auditor: ruthless girlboss by day, feral spouse-adjacent shithead by night

phobos is basically the same but instead he's manipulate mansplain by day and malewife manwhore by night /hj

before they got closer they'd never really physically interacted w/ each other, so phobos kind of assumed the auditor would be at least slightly painful to touch [cuz yknow. she's made of fire lmao]. plus he'd witnessed her setting things and people on fire with her bare hands before and he'd rather not get turned into a walking bonfire, thanks. the closest she'd ever been to touching him previously was like flicking the antenna on his helmet to piss him off

but like way, WAY later he finds out that audi can actually manipulate the temperature of their flames to an extent, so when they touch his hand for the first time he's really surprised when they're just like. pleasantly warm. kinda like the fuzziness you feel after you drink something hot but on the outside of your body

however this has also resulted in phobos using her as a mobile safety blanket lmao. sometimes if it gets too cold in the office he'll wander up to her and bug her until she folds a wing around him and tucks his head under her chin

when he's being a shithead sometimes she'll just pick him up by the back of his jacket and drag him off like a disobedient kitten lmao

They don't really have a super crazy height difference normally [i hc that audi is around 6'3 and phobos is 5'10 if he's not slouching] but sometimes she just morphs herself to have a several-foot height advantage just to fuck with him. like she'll appear in his office as this 9-foot-tall behemoth and he'll just be like "?? excuse me?? ma'am?? you can't do this to me???"

before he got to know her better, phobos had no idea the auditor preferred she/they pronouns over they/it like the agents around him seemed to think. he never made a big deal out of it and never explicitly brought it up, but he remembers to switch it up for her every now and then. plus whenever audi overhears him doing that she gets all fuzzy inside sfbfnckvj

phobos really likes her wings. he actually might be a little jealous of them, but he'd never tell her that sfvngk

ever since audi found out about this, they tend to subtly unfurl them and use them to gesticulate more when he's around. occasionally she'll use the claws at the peaks of her wings on touchscreens in place of a finger n stuff. she's also [gently] swatted him upside the head with a wing a few times when he was being a dickhead, but it doesn't really hurt him lol

she also lets him pet them when they're not busy. contrary to what he'd assumed, it doesn't actually feel like a whole lot to her - she's described the feeling as something similar to how it feels to have someone tracing their fingers along the back of your hand

phobos stims sometimes!! he has a bad habit of masking while he's working since a few of them are vocal and he doesn't want to distract anyone, but if he's just hanging out with audi he's totally chill. one of his more common ones is when he thinks out loud, either quietly narrating his current train of thought or saying unrelated words - usually confirmations like 'yeah' or 'mhm' - out loud cuz he thinks they're fun to say. occasionally he'll start humming low in his throat kinda like a microwave cuz he likes how his voice feels in his chest

also when he's standing idle sometimes he holds his arms closer to his chest and fidget with them

the auditor doesn't stim, but to people who know them well their wings are like big signs that can wordlessly describe how they're feeling [which is like my favourite thing to write cos wing emoting is really fun skdjbknk]. occasionally they might subtly flutter their wings when they're very pleased or receive good news, or flare them out when they're irritated/stressed

i always forget that phobos is actually like super powerful in canon so i hc that audi does too lmao. like it always slips her mind that he can teleport too so she'll dramatically disappear after telling him off for doing some dumb shit and fuckin scream when he somehow appears in the same room as her less than a second later

phobos has a red and black lava lamp in his office!! he'd never admit it but he got it cuz it reminds him of audi :]

phobos loves watching audi in combat for some reason. i mean he already likes watching them do stuff so he can backseat drive, but he's also quietly admitted that her fighting style is interesting to watch

he can't really put it into words, but it's because the way they fight looks incredibly effortless and fluid, mainly due to them having so much time to adapt to and understand their powers [both their original powers and the ones granted by the halo]. when phobos' own abilities started to surface he was incredibly unstable and struggled to properly harness them for months, so he thinks it's nice to watch someone who actually knows what they're doing for once.

much to the auditor's surprise, phobos is actually a bit insecure behind all that confudence, particularly about scars. after being close to her for a while, phobos came out of his shell a bit and explained how he managed to grant himself his powers/abilities, which is something i'll absolutely go further in depth with later [via a longer hc that i'm gonna post eventually lol] but to summarise he basically infused himself with raw madness in what he's eloquently dubbed 'the incident'. Of course, doing that to himself didn't come without consequence, and he's permanently scored with a variation of lightning & burn scars on his forearms, thighs, and most of his torso.

for the longest time, the most casual thing he'd wear even around just her was the long-sleeved sweater he wore underneath his trench coat, and he refused to change even if he was literally overheating. though eventually after he told her about what happened he felt way more comfortable and now whenever they're in their shared room audi practically has to throw a shirt at him to get him to wear one sbkcjcnk

the auditor has a sort of subspace/pocket dimension where they can store different items and recall them at will. normally it's pretty empty, but ever since she grew to like phobos she's started keeping miscellaneous things in there for him. sometimes she pulls out a drink or snack that he likes, sometimes she pulls out a little water gun with phobos' name scrawled on it and shoots him with it when he's being a shithead

they are both,, SO fucking touch-starved. like they will not let go of each other [at least if they're not currently in the middle of something or around agency employees] cuz internally they're both just going "wow!!! that's a hand i'm holding!!!!! there's a hand holding my hand!!!! wow!!!!!! i love this!!!!!"

having one eye isn't exactly the best thing for depth perception, especially when you're really tired, so sometimes audi has to hold phobos' hand and guide him around in the mornings because he can [and has] walked into walls and counters

even since before they became a thing, phobos had been a little envious of the auditor's halo and the powers it granted her. he used to subtly try to yoink it from her, maliciously at first but far more playfully later, where he'd like lightly grab it and give it a gentle spin above her head like a mobile. but his infatuation with the halo kinda died after she decided to let him borrow/try it out once by allowing him to link with it

by linking i essentially mean like wearing it, but the halo is so powerful that you can't just 'wear' it without letting it bond with a part of you

long story short, he went into it with far too much overconfidence & cockiness and the halo violently rejected him, kind of like how it rejected the auditor once. he wasn't at all prepared for the sheer amount of power that surged through him the moment it started to link with him, so it essentially short-circuited his brain and knocked him unconscious for the better part of a week. when he woke again, the auditor told him he was lucky his head didn't explode and calmly suggested they never tried that again, and he felt inclined to agree.

of course, he still toys with the halo while the auditor's properly linked with it since he knows it can't link to more than one host at a time. and despite his seeming ease and "it's in the past" sort of mentality about the whole event, if someone mentions the concept of him actually taking the halo and linking with it again, he'll shudder and shake his head, saying it's not his place to do so.

the auditor has no doubt it delivered a pretty harsh blow to his ego [being rejected by the thing that would make him a god would prolly do that], but knows he's too prideful to admit that.

audi likes listening to phobos when he goes off on super long monologues, especially if they're like those super cheesy villain monologues. like he could literally be talking about anything and she'll sit there to hear him out, especially if it's less related to work and more about himself

the auditor is super deliberate in the way they pronounce things and they tend to casually drawl their words out to further cement their cool, unbothered boss persona. however the way she talks doesn't really intimidate phobos anymore since he's also been next to her right after she's been woken up, when she's mumbling quietly & slurring some of her words together. he knows the big scary boss side of the auditor is just a persona used for everyone but him, so he feels a lot more at ease with them even when they're trying to be scary

even after being together for a while, phobos still has no fucking idea what the auditor is made of. like he's admitted to her that he's genuinely clueless, and if she lets him he'll spend like 99% of their downtime quietly interacting with her flames [read: curling his fingers through them and petting them] while he muses about his hypotheses for how stuff like her liquidy-shadow form works. they were a little suspicious of his motives at first, but after they relaxed they realised he was just genuinely curious and willing to share his concepts to see if he was right

they have like. the smoothest banter anyone at the agency has seen. like it's super cheesy back-and-forth stuff that wouldn't sound out of place in an 80s sitcom, but it just kinda flows out when they're both comfortable. and ofc they'd deny it if anyone mentioned it but they literally banter like an old married couple lmAO

-----------------

[greekbros]

"greek-Bros": Rat Tail

*Every god has their secrets....this is the tale of Ares's secret*

Dionysus, Apollo and Hermes: *chatting away about stuff*

Ares: *comes in sort of dancing after a long day of WAAAARRRHHHHH* do do do, de do *takes his helmet off, revealing a slightly long but thin braided rat tail just gently unravel down his shoulder*

Dionysus, Apollo and Hermes: *stop everything and just stare at the literal war crime against humanity that was hiding under Ares's helmet this whole time* (̲̅ ͡ಠ_ಠ)̲̅.......

Ares: *goes over to a fountain to wash up like some homeless dude.*

Dionysus: *raises arm and over dramatically points at Ares*......OH SHIT. A RAT!....tail.

Ares: *turns around nonchalantly* ugh....yeah....yeh guys didn't know?

Apollo: Oh really? Did you HONESTLY think we would even suspect the existence of that........THING?!?

Hermes: Yeah man, I mean... really? A rat tail????

Ares: Ugh...yeah...I mean, it's convenient.

Apollo: SO IS SLAVERY AND GENOCIDE BUT YOU DON'T SEE THOSE BEING PUBLICLY ACCEPTABLE!!!!

Ares: ok I'll bite, why do you guys have such a problem with my hair style?

Apollo: *deeply offended and disgusted by it* oh how do I put it.......ITS FUCKING HORRID.

Dionysus: *personally feeling like Ares could do better with a mullet or something* yeah ugh....looks a little out dated

Hermes: *actually having the insatiable craving to just pluck it right off* ugh...*sweats profusely* .......*does the grabby hand thing and just kinda is mesmerized at the possibility of just easily ripping that tantalizingly thin braided strand like an satisfying ASMR video* ....hhhhnnnnggggg.

Ares: .... First off, fuck off. I ain't getting rid of my "Leonidas's rope". Second, you guys don't understand how hard it is to maintain this look and third off Aphrodite braided it herself so ain't losing that too.

Apollo: Oh there's your accomplice.

Dionysus: I always knew she was an enabler how toxic of her to do so.

Hermes: ....*slowly sneaks closer*

Ares: *slowly backs away.* Screw you guys, I'm going to get a snack. *Covers his rat tail with his hand while he runs off*

Hermes: *like a predator who has been triggered by the running of his prey* must. yank. *

Apollo: *grabs Hermes's collar* no no. I have a plan.

Hermes: *whines* ....but...it would have been so....ﾟ.*･｡ﾟsatisfying ☆ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ

*later*

Ares: *eats his 3rd gryo*

Dionysus: *tries to lasso the rat tail*

Ares: *moves like 3 inches*

Dionysus: *lassos an amphora, pulls the lasso without realizing he has pulled the wrong thing and gets the whole bottle to the face*

Ares: *reaches for the amphora but he notices it's gone.*..........*shrugs and goes get another*

Dionysus: ow.

*later again, in Hephaestus's secret lab*

Apollo: So...do you have any suggestions?

Hermes: *playing with what looks like a stim toy because he got bored* c:

Hephaestus: hmm...yes.... Ares's unfortunate choice of hairstyle is a challenge...but...I do have an idea. *Pulls a rope and a overly complicated Rube Goldberg-esk guillotine the cuts a pumpkin in half* .....

Apollo and Hermes: *both feeling that was WAY too much* ....

Hephaestus: .....

Apollo: ...um... don't you have something a little less..... drastic?

Hephaestus: *lying through his teeth knowing the plan was to at least save his marriage by just killing Ares* ....I apologized dear half-brother...but I'm afraid that is beyond my capabilities.

Apollo and Hermes: *look at each other*

*later*

Ares: *standing in the middle of a platform with ropes and such tied to different places on his body and only the one tied to his rat tail actually does anything*.....are you sure this isn't going to emancipate me for my 'rope'

Hermes: Wut? Oh no of course not, me and Heracles just wanted to do...ugh...an experiment. *Holding on to one rope on a pulley system*

Heracles: *has been brought from his room to harass Ares, holding on to the other*

*later after that failed spectacularly*

Dionysus: *puts a raw steak on his face from earlier* ....so....no plan?

Hermes: no....and I've already satisfied my craving to yank that thing off. Honestly it probably wouldn't have been interesting anyway.

Apollo: *massages his temples* that disgusting, trashy and absolutely repulsive little yarn weff is getting to me.

Dionysus: guys let's be real here ....are we all really going to let Ares's braid really bother us?

Apollo: I REFUSE to relate to another god who wears THAT behind his occipital region of his head.

Ares: *comes in* alright that's it, I'm sick of you guys being so fucking weird about my 'rope' and honestly it's not like you guys have something to hate either! Apollo you and your stupid bowtie on your head makes you look like a poodle! Dionysus I don't know what the shit is going on with your hair so for fuck's sake get a haircut and Hermes.....ugh....YOUR HAT WINGS PISS ME OFF....sort of.

Apollo: *not actually bothered by that comment considering its removable*

Dionysus: *scoff* I see you're jealous of my mane dude.

Hermes: *wings droop* :c

Ares: See? Doesn't fucking suck for someone else t-*hears a snip* .....

Apollo, Dionysus and Hermes: 👁️👄👁️

Artemis: *with a pair of scissors, has just cut the rat tail*...wut?

Ares: *absolutely speechless*......

Apollo: *surprisingly thankful* ARTEMIS! What on earth was that act of mercy for? :D

Artemis: wut? You guys don't have the urge to cut the tails off of rats or anything? Just me? Ok.

Dionysus and Hermes: *wanting to laugh like crazy but slightly feels like Ares is going lose his shit so their just quite*

Ares: *turns around in disbelief* ..........you... little....

Artemis: *unloving gives Ares his rat tail back* whatever Ares, fucking gross looking thing anyways. *Walks away*

Ares: *kneels down in defeat*..........

Apollo: well well well it seems everything is back to normal.

Ares: *sees that Artemis left the scissors, sees only red* .....well....looks like we got to go *picks up the scissors, looks at the trio* BALD.

Apollo, Dionysus and Hermes: *suddenly happy feelings gone.

*later*

Zeus and Hera: *waiting for the Olympians to arrive at the meeting*

Ares: *walks in a fresh buzz cut sits down*

Apollo: *expressionless and with his hair sloppily chopped in various places, looking like it was a home job*....

Dionysus: *slightly similar but he's feeling like a sheered lamb* .....

Hermes: *has a slightly messy version of a buzz cut but there's a really sloppy fade*

Zeus and Hera: *honestly have no idea what happened and look at Ares*

Ares: *has the look of satisfaction on his face*

Apollo: *sits down and slumps over*

Ares: *doesn't even have to turn his head*

Apollo: I hope you choke on those brass balls of yours because I hope you enjoy retaliation.

Ares: Name a place and time and we'll trade hands you pansy.

Apollo: man slut.

Zeus: BOYS!

Apollo: I SEE YOU DO NOT SEE THE ATROCITY YOUR SON HAS COMMITTED!

[babysizedfics]

Pink Crayons and Pinky Promises - Part 2

Summary: Being a super cool big brother is hard work sometimes. Especially when you don’t feel as big as usual, Vee doesn’t feel as little as usual, you parents are asleep, your baby sister’s pullup needs changing, you both need breakfast, you don’t know where crayons come from, and you miss your Mommy. But Mommy always calls Roman a clever little boy, so he’s gonna try to deal with all that stuff anyway! That can’t be too hard, right?

Word count: 7.2k

Take me back to part 1!

Also on AO3!

oOo

As much as Roman tried to enjoy colouring again, it was suddenly really hard. His head felt stuffy and his chest felt full—and not in the nice bubbly way. In the yucky balloon way. The yucky balloon always meant he was bored, and Roman hated being bored!

He threw the crayon to the carpet and pouted around his toothbrush. Not even chewing the crunchy bristles could stop the yucky balloon that was swelling in his chest. He rubbed his feet on the carpet again, but that didn’t help either. And now his fingers were feeling tingly! It was the worst feeling in the whole entire world forever and ever!

He groaned and flopped back to lie on the floor with his arms spread out. Bobbles of the carpet caught under his fingernails as he scratched it over and over again. Everything sucked!

Vee squeaked.

“What’s wrong, baby?” Roman asked, feeling a little bit… not little anymore. It wasn’t that he wanted to be big—he really, really didn’t—but it was always tricky staying so little without a grownup there to encourage it.

There was no response from Vee except some little babyish hums. Then some silence. Then an even louder sound: a chirp!

Roman raised his head from the floor just enough to see Vee’s back. Fae was wiggling around on faer butt with faer hand still held to faer mouth. Sucking sounds told Roman that fae was still eating the melon. And every couple of seconds, fae would make more squeaks and hums and chirps!

The yucky balloon in Roman’s chest deflated. “Is it yummy, Titch?” he giggled, sitting back up.

Vee always made funny sounds when she ate. Daddy called them yummy sounds, and Mommy said that was stimming too. It didn’t look much like stimming to Roman, but Mommy was super duper smart so Roman believed him. He liked this version of Vee’s stimming a lot because the noises were fun to listen to!

More chirping met Roman’s ears. Then he saw Vee’s legs kick out gently against the floor. Kick, kick, kick, quick but soft. That meant Vee really liked what she was eating.

Vee being happy made Roman feel a whole lot happier, so he picked his crayon back up to keep colouring!

The only sounds in the room were the crayon scribbles, the toothbrush bristles, Vee’s yummy sounds, and Roman’s little giggles when Vee made a particularly funny noise. He was smiling so hard and for so long that his cheeks even ached!

Then one of Vee’s squeaks got cut short by a whine. Roman looked over at his sister just in time to see faer pick a big black seed from faer mouth and drop it onto the carpet.

“You don’t like the seeds?” he asked, taking his toothbrush out of his mouth. There were a few seeds all over the carpet where Vee had apparently dropped them already.

Vee shaked faer head. “Wucky!” fae squeaked, and even stuck faer tongue out to show just how yucky fae thought they were. “Not s’posed to eat them ‘cause then Daddy can’t gwow them!”

That gave Roman a really creative and clever and funny idea! He tried to look casual, inspecting his toothbrush as if it was far more interesting than what he was about to say.

“Well they can still grow,” Roman started with a sly smile. “They would just grow in your tummy instead of the ground.”

He waited a moment—just long enough to seem cool but not dismissive—then checked Vee’s reaction.

She was frowning suspiciously, the tip of her tongue stuck out in thought. (Though she might have just been licking some melon juice from her lips. There was definitely enough dripping all over her cheeks.)

“They don’t do that…” Vee’s fingernail went back up to her sticky lips and she went quiet again. Then she whispered: “Do they?”

“Sure they do!” Roman nodded. He acted surprised and asked, “You’ve really never had a little fruit tree grow in your tummy before?”

It was pretty funny watching Vee’s eyes get slowly wider. Fae shook faer head. “No, I—Well I don’t think so.”

Roman’s lips betrayed him by pulling into a smirk, but he quickly shoved his toothbrush back in his mouth to hide it. “I fink you woulda noticed if you did. You woulda felt it for sure.”

It was less funny watching Vee’s eyes get quickly shinier. “B-because it hurts?!” Faer breathing got faster and faer eyes darted down to the seeds on the floor. Then fae pulled faer legs up into another tight hug. “I don’t wan’ a fwuit twee hurtin’ m-my tummy!” fae whimpered.

Uh oh.

“No, no, no, Vee! I didn’t—It’s okay, it doesn’t hurt!” Roman scooched on his butt to be right next to Vee and wrapped his arm around her.

“How d’you know?” Vee’s voice was really quiet. She was still scared.

Roman had to think something up real fast. And fast ideas weren’t always the bestest ones.

“I had a melon tree in my tummy once.”

It could’ve gone a whole lot worse than it did, but luckily Vee didn’t look upset by Roman’s answer. She just looked really freaked out.

“In your tummy?!” Vee squealed.

Her voice was so loud and squeaky that Roman even dropped his toothbrush on his empty plate to cover his ear! “Hey, we don’t wanna wake Mommy or Daddy!”

“In your tummy?” Vee repeated in a whisper.

A giggle bubbled up Roman’s chest and out of his mouth. His feet went brush, brush, brush. “Yeah, Titch! That’s how I know it doesn’t hurt.”

All of Vee’s attention was now on Roman. Her mouth was dropped open and she was staring at him and leaning forward. “Was it when we had the melon when it was waining?”

Roman shook his head and sat up straight with a proud smile. “Nu uh, that was only a month ago. This was way before that. Like before you lived with us.”

“Wow…” Vee gasped. “Did Daddy help you get it out?”

Roman’s eyes went wide and he hurriedly added, “No, Daddy didn’t know about it! A-and neither did Mommy, so don’t ask them ‘cause they won’t remember.” That was a close one! He didn’t wanna be in trouble for thinking of cool answers that were maybe not that true.

Vee nodded in understanding, then looked down at her fluffy socks, frowning. It looked like she was thinking hard.

After a few moments, fae hummed and nodded to faerself. “Okay, but even if they’re weally small and it doesn’t hurt, I still don’t want any twees in my tummy.” As if to prove faer point, Vee picked a seed out from one of her melon cubes and dropped it on the side of faer plate.

“Suit yourself,” Roman shrugged. Then—just to prove to his baby sister that he was a brave big boy—he picked the seed up and popped it in his mouth.

“Wo-Wo!” Vee screeched and launched herself on top of him. Her feet kicked out behind her and flung the melon and crayons all over the floor. “Don’t, it’ll gwow in your tummy again!”

Roman laughed even as Vee was crawling into his lap and getting really close up in his face. Then he stuck his tongue out to show her the seed. “I mot swawowed it yep!”

A big gasp came from Vee and her hand quickly lifted, ready to reach into his mouth! But Roman was super fast and grabbed her wrist before she could. Vee kept pushing her hand forward though, and Roman jolted back to get away from it.

With Vee’s weight in Roman’s lap, they both tumbled back onto the carpet, Vee still trying to put her sticky fingers in Roman’s mouth and Roman pushing her hands away as fast as he could.

“Eww, what are you doing?!”

“I’m gonna take it out!”

“No, don’t touch me!”

“Gimme da seed!”

“Your fingers are all sticky and—”

“We not s’posed to hab twees in our—”

“Get your icky baby hands out of my mouf!”

Suddenly, a low chuckle came from the hallway that made both of the littles freeze. They looked over at the living room door just in time to see it push open…

To reveal Nana Janus!

“You two certainly have a lot of energy this morning,” Nana said, smiling as he stepped into the room.

“Nana!” both littles squealed in unison.

“W-we didn’t know you were here!” Roman scrambled to sit up and pushed Vee off his lap. She didn’t cry or anything, she just wriggled onto her butt and held her arms up to Nana, whining. What a baby!

“Good morning to you too, little ones.” Nana looked around the floor and his smile went a bit different—like the smaller, tighter, wobblier one he had whenever Vee was throwing her toys everywhere or Roman was running around in his underwear. The tired kinda one.

“I see you’ve been busy…” he said slowly, kneeling down to where Vee was making grabby hands at him. “Looks like Nana has his cleaning work cut out for him, don’t you agree?”

Roman twisted his head round to look over the floor. There was lots of icky melon and seeds and cereal and crayons all over the carpet. He bit his lip and looked back at Nana with a giggle. “Oopsy daisy!”

That made Nana’s bigger smile come back. “Oopsy daisy indeed.” He pulled Vee into his lap and it made her stop whining. “But don’t get yourself in a fret, little prince, we can tidy up a bit later.”

What silly words! Roman giggled and brushed his feet all over again.

“M-m-m-m—”

The baby was trying to talk! Roman and Nana both looked at faer and Vee blushed under their attention. Fae wiggled and pulled at faer pyjama shirt again. “M-m-me and Wo-Wo are habin’ fun!” Faer voice went real squeaky and happy.

“You’re having fun? Without me?!” Nana gasped dramatically and held Vee’s shoulders, jiggling them a little. 

Big giggles spilled from Vee, and then Roman joined in. They looked at each other with excited smiles. Nana was funny!

When they had gotten over their giggle fit, Nana spoke again. “I was listening to your conversation for a while. Roman, I never knew you were so knowledgeable on crayons and melon seeds.”

Electric excitement coursed through Roman’s veins and he bounced on his butt and brushed, brushed, brushed his feet and scribbled his fingers on the carpet! “Yeah, I-I-I teached Vee lots!”

“Yes, I know,” Nana said with a different smile. The sneaky kind of smile. He pointed at his eyepatch. “I could tell.”

Heat flooded Roman’s cheeks. Nana only ever wore his eyepatch when he was seeing lots and lots of yellow. And Nana only ever saw lots and lots of yellow when someone was doing lots and lots of lying.

“Um, Nana?” Vee whispered, tugging Nana’s waistcoat and making him look down at her instead.

Phew! Saved by the baby.

“Yes, little hatchling? Did you want to play with my watch chain?”

Vee shook her head and looked at Roman. Then she tugged Nana’s waistcoat again and leaned near his ear. Like she was tryna keep Roman from hearing it! But her whisper was too loud for Roman not to hear:

“Did you come down the chimney?”

It took a lot of effort for Roman to not roll his eyes. Ever since Christmas, Vee kept asking Daddy if anyone was gonna break into their chimney. And now it was summer! Roman thought it was a very silly thing to be worried about. Of course no one could come down their chimney; only Santa Claus could do that ‘cause he was magic!

And while Nana did know lots of magic tricks, it was a different sort of magic, Roman was sure. Although, Nana always bringed them lots of presents. And Roman saw him eating gingerbread cookies with milk one night when he was babysitting them… Maybe Roman would have to investigate if Nana had any links with the North Pole!

“No, darling,” Nana assured, tucking Vee’s bangs behind her ear. They were getting real long. “I didn’t come down the chimney.”

Vee sighed in relief.

“Did you, um, crawl through the dog door?” Roman laughed, knowing he was being silly. It was fun to be silly with Nana because he made cool jokes!

“Well yes, but that was last week,” Nana said, then winked at Roman.

That was his special way of telling Roman he was joking, because Roman was clever and he knew what sarcasm was! It made him feel super big and cool to be in on the grownup joke while Vee looked at Nana in shock, so he wiggled happily.

“I just didn’t go home last night,” Nana explained.

“Did you sleep in da apple twee?” Vee asked.

Nana laughed loudly and cuddled Vee closer to him. Roman hugged himself. He wished Mommy was here…

“That was the original plan, but then your Daddy said I could sleep in his bed. So I thought I might as well accept the offer.”

Roman gasped and got ready to speak—but Nana gave him the warning look and beat him to it.

“No, Roman,” Nana said sternly and raised his eyebrow—the one with the shiny piercing that Roman wasn’t allowed to poke anymore. “Before you accuse me of anything, your Daddy was not in there with me.”

Roman squinted at Nana suspiciously. You could hardly blame him for wanting to make sure his Mommy and Daddy weren’t cuddling anyone else!

Then Nana pulled a pack of baby wipes from his sleeve making both of the littles gasp—that’s the kinda magic tricks he did! “Now, why don’t you tell me what you’ve been up to this morning while I clean Vee up a bit, hmm?”

The warning voice was back to a soothing voice, and Roman felt all wiggly again!

“Um, um, um!” Roman started, taking a big, stuttering breath. His chest was tight with just how much energy he had to get out, and his mind was racing with all the stuff he wanted to tell Nana! 

Like about how he stopped Vee from crying and how he offered to play without his cars so his little sister could join in. Or maybe about how he was so clever in thinking of how to get downstairs and make breakfast all without breaking any rules! Ooh, or about how brave he was for not crying when his hands got yucky and how he helped his baby sister read the crayon label! Oh but he wanted to show Nana his drawing too!

“Um, um, um, uh, um, um—” Roman babbled, his tongue struggling to keep up with his brain.

“Let’s start with what you did once you were downstairs, little prince,” Nana interrupted softly. “Can you do that for Nana?”

It was weird how Nana didn’t need to raise his voice over Roman to get the thoughts to stop zooming so fast in Roman’s brain, but it worked! Roman took a deep breath to calm down. It was really hard to talk right when he was so excited.

“Um, we-we-we—I made breakfast!” he said louder than he really meant to. He was just super happy because he knew Nana would praise him!

“Oh goodness, all on your own?” Nana’s jaw dropped in surprise as he passed Roman a fresh baby wipe.

Roman giggled with a nod and took the baby wipe to clean his hands. Then he accidentally made a weird happy, throaty sound. Kinda like Vee’s yummy sounds. He bit his lip to hold any more back and wiggled his knees as he wiped his fingers clean.

Then Nana gushed, “What a smart little boy you are, Roman!”

“Eep!” Roman couldn’t hold that sound back. “Y-yeah, yeah, yeah, I am!” He felt almost dizzy with excitement! He quickly finished cleaning his hands then screwed up the wipe and dropped it into Nana’s lap. “I was so clever and-and-and big!”

“Very big indeed,” Nana agreed while he ran his own baby wipe over Vee’s hands. He swirled his finger on Vee’s palm and she squealed and kicked her feet and twisted her head to rest it on Nana’s shoulder.

Then Nana tutted and picked off a piece of cereal that had been stuck to her cheek with melon juice.

“Eww!” Roman giggled. “Vee, you got food everywhere!”

Vee just giggled back and buried her head in Nana’s neck. It looked like she was getting even more little now that they had a grownup with them. Roman was too! He just wasn’t a baby.

“Come on, sweetie, up, up.” Nana stroked Vee’s hair as fae lifted faer head back up and looked at him with a pout. “Say ahh, baby. Ahh, ahh,” Nana demonstrated, holding his mouth open and his chin up.

“A-a-ah!” Vee opened her mouth in a little circle, and Nana quickly wiped all over her sticky cheeks.

“There we are,” Nana whispered, screwing up the wipe and dropping it into Roman’s lap. (Roman squawked and flicked it off straight away!) “Well, I certainly hope at least some of the food ended up in your little tummies.” Nana’s finger swirled on Vee’s tummy this time and fae squeaked and quickly hugged faer tummy.

“Yeah, look!” Roman blurted, remembering yet another thing he needed praise for. He hurriedly grabbed his Spongebob divider plate and held it up proudly. “Look, Nana, look!”

“Yes, darling, I’m looking. And do you know what I can see?”

Roman nodded quickly, eyes tight shut with a smug smile. He was such a good boy and he knew it! “Mhm, my empty plate! Be-because I was a good boy and eated all my breakfast!”

“Oh, it’s not quite empty.”

There was no way that was true! Roman remembered, he eated all of his food! He opened his eyes, knowing there was nothing left on his plate except his—Uh oh.

His chewed up toothbrush…

“Roman, look at Nana.”

The warning voice was back and Roman bit his lip and lowered the plate back to the floor. Keeping his mouth firmly shut, he looked up at Nana with the most innocent smile he could muster.

Suddenly, Nana’s hand darted forward, his fingertips landing on the sole of Roman’s foot and scribbling over his sock.

“Aah, Nana!” Roman squealed, immediately falling into a stream of laughter. 

He hurriedly pulled his feet under his butt so Nana couldn’t tickle them anymore. (It was really fun when Nana or Daddy tickled his feet, but not as fun as when Mommy did it. Mommy was Roman’s favourite tickle monster!)

But then Nana’s fingers held Roman’s chin up and gently pulled his lip down. Oh no! Nana had tricked him!

“Nanaaa,” Roman whined, scrunching his face up and squinting his eyes shut. His gums kinda hurt from his mouth being open… 

Thankfully, Nana dropped his chin quickly. But it was too late. Roman opened his eyes and saw Nana giving him the you’ve-been-naughty look.

“Your gums are positively raw, Roman!” Nana tutted. Then he sighed and shaked his head. “Would you care to tell me why you’ve been chewing your toothbrush when your Mommy and Daddy and Nana have all said that that’s not allowed?”

“Uh ohhh…” Vee whispered, and Roman glared at faer. Fae hid faer face on Nana’s shoulder again.

“I not been chewing it!” Roman defended with a pout. “I was just, um, lookin’ at it!”

That was never gonna work. All Nana had to do was tap his eyepatch for Roman to scramble over an excuse.

“Um, w-well I might of chewed it a little, but only ‘cause… Um, be-because—”

Vee’s head quickly poked up from Nana’s shoulder and she squeaked, “He was chewin’ on it all mornin’, Nana.”

“Little prince!” Nana scolded. “You know you’re not allowed to do that. I’m going to have to tell your parents.”

“Vee-Vee, we had a deal!” Roman whined and kicked his feet on the carpet. What a little tattletale!

Vee didn’t look sorry at all! She even had an evil little baby smile and fidgeted with her pyjamas while she giggled. “You said don’t tell Mummy or Daddy! And Nana is allowed to tell them!”

“What a cheeky little monkey,” Nana chuckled and tickled under Vee’s ear, making her squeal. “That was very clever, baby.”

Hot, heavy stuff filled Roman’s ears and head and he clenched his jaw so tight his gums hurt all over again. Two could play at that game! He crossed his arms and argued, “Well then I’m telling Nana you didn’t change your bedtime pullup!”

That stopped Vee’s giggling. Roman even felt kinda proud at how much her face dropped and how loud she gasped.

“Oh, sweetheart…”

Nana’s voice was so soft it kinda surprised Roman. His own mischievous smile dropped off his face and he looked up at Nana.

Nana was looking down at Vee’s face with a worried kinda look, and he stroked her bangs again even though they were already tucked back. “Is that true, darling?” he whispered.

Fae tugged at her pyjama top again and nodded silently. She looked like she’d done something naughty and felt really bad about it

“Can you tell Nana if it was wet when you woke up?” Nana asked gently.

It made Roman’s heart and tummy drop when he saw Vee’s eyes go wet again.

Now he probably looked like he’d done something naughty and felt really bad about it…

“Nana?” Roman mumbled, hunching his shoulders a little when Nana looked at him again. “Um… her pullup was wet but she said she didn’t wanna change it.”

Vee whined loudly. Faer body went really stiff on Nana’s lap and fae looked up at him really scared—like fae was getting ready to be told off.

“Shh, it’s alright, Vee.” Nana’s hand cupped Vee’s cheek. “You’re not in trouble.”

Even Roman sighed in relief. He never wanted to get his baby sister in trouble.

Nana continued, “But your pullups aren’t like your nappies, sweetie; we really need to change them once they’re wet. We don’t want any leaks, do we?”

All of a sudden, Vee’s wet eyes got even wetter. Fae sniffled and tugged faer pyjama shirt down. Kinda like if fae was trying to hide faer—

Oh… Roman’s tummy sinked even more.

It looked like Nana thought of the same thing, because he had a sad kinda smile now. “Can Nana please check, little one?” he asked really quiet.

Nana nudged Vee’s hands off her pyjama top and out of her lap. Then they could see a small wet patch on her pants.

Vee started whimpering and wriggling straight away.

“Oh, sweetie,” Nana cood and cuddled Vee back on his chest again, swaying her gently side to side.

She made a sad squeaky sound and choked, “Didn’t kn-know.”

“I know, Vee. Shh, it’s not your fault, darling.”

Roman’s eyes went wide. Did that mean Nana thought it was his fault?

“It’s not my fault either!” Roman quickly yelled. “She wouldn’t let me help! A-a-and she pinky promised that she wouldn’t have a accident!”

“Didn’t m-m-mean to!” Vee cried back, but it was all muffled because her face was on Nana’s shoulder again.

“Hey, hey, both of you stop for a moment.”

Both littles went quiet. Even Vee’s sniffling stopped.

Nana nodded at Roman and squeezed his arms tighter around Vee. “Very good. Now we’re all going to take a deep breath, all together. On three, ready?”

Roman’s lips twitched up at the corner and he scrunched his fingernails in the carpet again. He liked taking a deep breath with Nana, it always helped. So he nodded.

“Alright,” Nana said very quiet and soft. “One… Two… Three.” He squeezed Vee’s shoulder to let her know it was time to breathe, then they all took a big breath in.

Roman’s chest filled up, up, up with air, like a big balloon. He watched Nana and when Nana nodded with his chest puffed out really far, they all breathed out again slowly.

Once it was done, Roman’s tummy felt a lot better.

“Now—” Nana’s voice was still soft “—it wasn’t anyone’s fault that Vee had a little accident. Vee, sweetie, do you remember what we say about accidents?”

Vee’s pink cheeks puffed up like they did when she was thinking real hard sometimes. Then she looked up at Nana with her fingertip between her lips. “Um… jus’ habben.”

“They just happen,” Nana repeated with a smile. “They’re not bad or yucky or naughty. They just happen, and that’s okay.”

Once Vee nodded (and smiled when Nana kissed her cheek), Nana looked over at Roman.

“And it’s not your fault either, little prince. I know you were just trying to help your sister feel comfortable. And the most important thing is you didn’t make her do something she didn’t want to do.”

Roman’s heart felt a bit lighter hearing that. But not completely… “Fae still got wet pants, though,” Roman whispered. “I wanted to help faer stay dry!”

Nana shook his head and patted Roman’s knee. It made Roman wiggle his toes. “That’s not your job, sweetheart. And wet pants are very easy to fix, aren’t they, little one?”

For a moment Roman’s tummy flipped in excitement. Nana didn’t call him little one very much, but Roman always loved it when he did!

But then he realised Nana was looking at Vee, not him. Vee was the little one, not Roman… It made his chest feel spiky and whooshy.

“Now let’s get you in a fresh pullup and dry clothes, little love,” Nana told Vee while he reached over to pick up her pacifier from where she dropped it on her colouring. “Those ones can’t be very comfy, can they?”

“Gaga pwup?” Vee babbled with her whole thumb stuck in her mouth. She was obviously more of a baby now. Which meant she couldn’t play with Roman anymore!

“Yes, little hatchling, Nana will help you change your pullup.” He held up the pacifier and Vee gasped. “Do you want your dummy, baby?”

Vee did the grunt that meant yes please, and Nana pulled her thumb out from her mouth and put in the paci instead.

“There we are!” Nana smiled. Then he moved onto his knees like he was about to lift Vee and get up.

But Roman hurriedly grabbed Nana’s wrist to stop him from standing. “We weren’t finished colouring yet!”

Both Vee and Nana were looking at Roman surprised. He let go of Nana’s wrist and pouted grumpily to hopefully distract them from his blush.

“Little prince, I know you and your sister were having a lot of fun on your own.”

Roman nodded enthusiastically.

“But it’s time to fix a couple of things now,” Nana said slow and gentle, like he was being careful not to make Roman cry. But Roman wasn’t a baby, Nana didn’t need to be careful! “I need to help Vee change and then we’re going to tidy up.”

“No, I don’t want to! I want Vee to stay and colour and I want you to go away!”

The last bit wasn’t completely true… But if Nana was going to make Vee not play with him and make him do boring chores then Roman didn’t want Nana there!

“Listen to Nana, little prince,” Nana sighed and sat back down on the carpet, pulling Vee closer on his lap again. “I know you like to be a big boy, but today I think you’re too little to be on your own. That much is clear from the mess you’ve both made. Neither of you are in trouble,” Nana quickly added when Roman’s shoulders went tense. “I know you couldn’t help yourselves, and that’s okay. But now I think we need to give you some grownup supervision before anything else goes awry.”

“W-we’re gonna wake up Mommy?!” Roman squealed, bouncing a little on his butt. “I’m gonna show him my colouring and my plate and the cereal pieces and—”

“Not so fast, darling,” Nana chuckled. “Your mummy still needs his rest, so Nana is going to be your caregiver this morning, alright?”

It made the inside of Roman’s chest swishy and crackly and hot. Like lava! Like angry, sputtering lava!

“Now while I help your baby sister, why don’t you start by collecting all of the crayons and—”

“No!” Roman yelled.

Nana went silent while Vee whimpered. Roman knew it was bad of him to yell around the baby, and it was kinda scary to be a bad boy because he really didn’t want to be bad… But he didn’t want to clean up either! He wanted to play!

“Okay then,” Nana started, slow and gentle again. (Roman wasn’t a baby!) “Perhaps you can start by picking up the pieces of food from—”

“No!” There was no way Roman was gonna touch icky floor food! He crossed his arms tightly.

“Roman.” Nana used his strong voice. “We are not doing this today.”

The strong voice meant he wasn’t happy with Roman, and sometimes it even meant Nana would tell on him to Mommy and Daddy later. The idea of Mommy being disappointed in him made the backs of Roman’s eyes burn and his lips pull down, but he quickly scrunched his face up angrily so no-one noticed.

Nana’s voice was a bit softer when he said, “I’m sure you don’t want to clean up the mess, but I’m afraid it has to be done. If we do it together—”

“No!” Roman yelled again, his voice cracking a little.

It made Vee whine and look up at Nana, who took a deep breath.

Roman knew he was being really naughty now, and it made him feel scared and embarrassed and sad. But he was nearly gonna cry and he really didn’t want to in front of Nana, and Nana wanted to take Vee away from him, and Nana wasn’t letting Roman see Mommy! Nana was mean and Roman didn’t want to do what he said! He grabbed his toothbrush to hold it tight. It made him feel better to hold his favourite things.

“Would you like Nana to help you clean the—”

“No!” This time he even raised his foot from the carpet and stamped it back down! (It was hard because he was still on his butt, but Roman had a lot of practice stamping his feet in all kinds of situations.)

Nana ignored the foot stamp. “Well then would you like to be left alone?”

Roman’s eyes widened and he clenched his toothbrush so tight it hurt. Being left alone sounded really scary and made Roman’s throat clog, but he couldn’t let Nana know that! So he gritted his teeth and put all his strength into making his voice steady: “No, no, no!”

The look on Nana’s face wasn’t happy at all. It was tired and annoyed. “Then you’re clearly too little to make a decision for yourself. Nana is going to help you whether you like it or not.”

“No!” Roman shouted. “I don’t want Nana, I want—”

Roman gasped and closed his mouth really tight. Hot tears made his eyes wet.

Even though it was blurry from his tears, Roman could still see Nana’s face soften. Then Nana asked in a low voice, “What do you want, sweetheart?”

And that was exactly how Mommy always sounded when he was cuddling Roman and helping him to stop crying.

Without any warning, Roman suddenly felt his face crumple and his mouth made a squeaky sad sound. He quickly buried his face in his arm to try to squeeze the tears away like before, but it was too late. His sleeve was already getting wet from him crying.

“I-I—” Roman squeaked, trying to think of another clever idea. But it was too hard. He couldn’t think about anything except…

“I want my mommy!” he wailed into his arm. His tummy sinked all the way down now, and he hugged it with his free arm to try to make it feel better.

“Oh, sweetheart,” Nana cood softly.

It made Roman’s tummy swoosh so he hugged it even tighter. Then he heard some quick shuffling and suddenly a warm arm wrapped around him. Nana’s hand laid flat on his back and rubbed up and down, nice and slow. It helped Roman take a deep breath, but it was shaky and got caught in his chest. A sob broke free and he bit his lip.

“Shh, shh. It’s okay, little prince.” 

“I w-want Mommy,” Roman whimpered, spluttering on his tears.

“I know you do, Roman,” Nana whispered and Roman slowly leaned against him. It was warm to lean against Nana and it felt safer. “Oh, you poor thing.”

Another little squeak met Roman’s ear, and for a moment he thought it came from him. But then he felt small fingers wrap around his hand and knew it was Vee. Roman whimpered and squeezed his sister's hand gently. He hoped fae knew it meant thank you.

Fae squeezed his hand back.

Nana’s hand went circle, circle, circle on Roman’s back. Nice and slow. “You miss your mummy, don’t you, little one?”

Roman waited a moment to find out if Nana meant him or Vee. But then Nana squeezed his shoulder softly and repeated the question. Roman was the little one.

With a wet sniffle, he dropped his arm from his face. There was no point hiding anymore, Nana and Vee definitely both knew he was crying. He still didn’t wanna look up from his lap though.

“I just—” Roman cut himself off because his voice was all croaky and thick and wobbly. He whimpered and squinted his eyes shut and squeezed his toothbrush as hard as he could. This is why he hated crying, it made him sound like a baby! 

“Deep breath, little prince.”

Just like Nana said. Breathe in, deep… Breathe out, slow… 

That was better. Plus, Nana’s hand was still rubbing Roman’s back and Vee’s fingers were still squeezing Roman’s hand. It all felt very safe.

Roman quickly wiped his sleeve over his eyes then looked up at Nana.

It was easier to whisper when he cried, so Roman tried that instead. “I just want Mommy to see h-how clever I been.”

Nana had a sad smile. “And he will, darling. Just as soon as he wakes up.” 

Roman didn’t like that. It made his tummy sink all over again just thinking of waiting even longer to cuddle Mommy.

Then Nana’s fingers gently wrapped around Roman’s other hand and lowered it. Roman had started raising his toothbrush to his mouth without even realising! He pouted as Nana tugged his toothbrush down. Chewing his toothbrush would help him feel better right now, but he wasn’t allowed.

“Don’t you think it’ll be so much more fun to tell Mummy all about—” Nana’s eyes swept over the messy room quickly before landing back on Roman “—your endeavours after we’ve tidied up a bit? Then you can brag—uh, tell him all about how you helped to clean up, too.”

“But I want Mommy now!” Roman whined, stamping his foot again. It wasn't as hard this time though, only a soft kick. “I waited all morning a-an-and I always wake up Mommy and he’s never ever mad about it!” His lip wobbled even though he was sure he was done crying now.

The hand rubbed circles on his back again, nice and slow. It reminded him to breath in, deep, then breathe out, slow.

“I don’t doubt it for a single second, Roman,” Nana said in a bouncy voice. It was the babysitting voice and it made Roman’s tummy feel lots calmer. Even Vee perked up at the sound and wiggled happily on Nana’s lap. “But your mummy wasn’t feeling very well last night. Do you remember?”

Roman’s lips twisted in thought. Last night Mommy felt sicky and he was sad and his bedtime was really early, even earlier than Vee’s. After a moment of thought, Roman nodded his head. “Mommy was feeling yucky.”

“Wucky!” Vee squeaked and bounced in Nana’s lap with a squeal.

Roman giggled at faer excitement. Fae was just a baby, so fae didn’t really know what they were talking about… Fae probably just liked that word! It was kind of funny when the baby was excited when something not very exciting was happening!

“That’s right,” Nana said, wiggling his finger on Vee’s side. She smiled and wiggled just like the finger. “And when we’re feeling yucky, we need lots and lots of sleep to feel better.”

“But… b-but if Mommy was awake and he saw what a good boy I been then he would be happy,” Roman whined. Then he added, “And maybe I can make Mommy feel better.”

Nana’s lips pulled up in a smile and he gave Roman a squeeze. “That’s very sweet, Roman, but it’s not little ones jobs to look after their parents. That’s a big grownup job…” The hand on Roman’s back lifted away, but before Roman could pout, Nana poked his nose! “And I think we might have a very little prince this morning, hm?”

It made Roman blush and fidget. “Mhm…” he agreed quietly, then felt his toothbrush stroke across his lip before Nana tugged his hand down again.

“No, darling,” Nana scolded gently, tapping Roman’s wrist. “No chewing. Unless you want me to tell your Daddy.”

Nana was beginning to sound like Vee. Apparently being a tattletale ran in the family… With a massive sigh that he hoped would make Nana feel really guilty, Roman dropped his toothbrush back to his plate. Then he stuck his tongue out, just in case Nana didn’t realise Roman wasn’t happy about it. It made Nana laugh!

Maybe Roman wasn’t that annoyed. It actually felt really nice and soft and warm and bubbly and safe that Nana was trying to help him stop chewing the toothbrush, even if Roman really wanted to. His gums were super sore now anyway. And no matter how clever Roman was, he was still only a little boy! He knew that grownups usually knew more than he did. That was okay though! It meant Roman could just play and have fun and leave the big responsible stuff to the grownups.

“Gaga?” Vee whispered.

When Roman looked down at Vee, it was obvious she was pouting behind her paci. And she was tugging at her wet pants.

Nana’s cold fingers unwrapped from Roman’s wrist so Nana could cradle Vee’s head. “Sorry, sweetie. Let’s get right on that.” His thumb stroked over Vee’s cheek and she hummed and closed her eyes. She looked kinda sleepy.

Then Nana paused and looked back at Roman softly. “I know you’re worried about your mummy, little one, but I was with him for an hour or so last night. I promise you that he’s okay.”

Normally Roman believed Nana (unless Nana winked at him, which meant it was a big kid joke!) but this was very important. So Roman needed Nana to make a very important promise.

“Pinky promise?” Roman asked, holding his little finger up.

Nana’s pinky wrapped around his without hesitation. “Absolutely. Pinky promise,” he said very clearly, and Roman believed him. Then Nana’s hand dropped and his smile was back—the happy, soft one! “And I bet once he’s all rested up, your mummy would love to play with you later.”

Obviously! Mommy always loved playing with Roman because he was such a clever and creative little boy! Roman’s legs vibrated just thinking of all the fun he would have with his mommy. “Maybe-maybe-maybe playing lots!”

“Lots and lots!” Nana gasped, then he shuffled Vee around in his lap to start getting her ready to stand up. (She whined, but she always whined when she had to use her legs.)

Roman giggled, “A-and maybe he will play cars with me!” 

“Oh, I’m certain he will.”

“And Nana you’re allowed to watch us play cars!”

A big chuckle came from Nana as he stood from the floor and helped Vee stop from tumbling over. “Thank you for your generosity, little prince. I would adore being a spectator for the hundredth time.” Once Vee was standing upright, Nana unwrapped his arm from her shoulders to hold her hand

“W-well, now you get to be a vip spectre!” Roman assured Nana, bouncing up onto his own feet. He jumped up so fast his head went all spinny and he had to hold Nana’s arm to help stay balanced.

“A V.I.P. spectator, sweetheart,” Nana corrected. (But Roman didn’t like saying each letter on its own. It took too long.) “As I said, I would love to do that later. But for now—” Nana held his empty hand out to Roman “—will you please come with me and your sister upstairs?”

Roman pouted at Nana’s hand. It was nice to hold hands, but it felt like Nana thought he was a baby who couldn’t walk on his own. Like Vee.

“Um…” he muttered, wringing his hands to avoid holding Nana’s. “But I’m a big boy. I can stay here on my own and clean the mess.”

Roman didn’t want to be on his own or clean the mess, but he did want to sound like a good big boy.

“That’s very true,” Nana nodded slowly, lowering his hand. “But you see the thing is, I seem to have forgotten all of the rules to your special car game. So I need you to explain it to me all over again, otherwise I’ll be completely lost when I watch you play with your mummy.”

“Awober again,” Vee whispered.

“Nana,” Roman giggled. How silly of Nana! “You always forget the car game rules!”

“I know, it’s funny how that happens. Now could you be a good big brother and hold Vee’s other hand for Nana?”

Yay! Now Roman got to hold someone’s hand and still feel like a big boy! Roman quickly bounced to Vee’s free side and took her empty hand, very happy that it wasn’t sticky anymore.

“Wo-Wo!” Vee cheered, smiling up at him past her paci and hugging his hand to her chest.

“I’m gonna help you walk, Vee-Vee!”

“Good boy,” Nana praised from Vee’s other side. “Now, are we all ready to head upstairs?”

Roman and Vee both nodded at Nana. It was fun when they were on their own, but it felt better to have a grownup to help them with grownup stuff. At least Roman thought so.

“Alright, here we go, little ones,” Nana announced, and they all started walking toward the hallway hand in hand. As they stepped carefully to make sure Vee didn’t trip up, Nana asked, “So will you be so kind as to tell me about your cars again, sweetheart?”

Roman’s cheeks bunched in a big smile. It was good Nana kept forgetting the car game, because it was Roman’s favourite thing to talk about!

“Okay! For the billionth time!” Roman laughed, his chest bursting with excitement for the day ahead.

“For the billionth time. I think I remember a little though. It’s the blue car who always wins the race, right?”

“Nana, it’s the red one!”

“Oh, of course. How silly of me.”

“Siwy!”

“Yeah, Vee, Nana is silly!”

“I suppose I am. What else can you tell me about the red car, little prince?”

oOo

I really hope you enjoyed the latest fic for this ongoing series! If you did, please consider reblogging, leaving a comment, or sending me an ask or message! They really keep me motivated to write more!

Thank you for reading! ヾ(ᴖ๑ᴖ)ﾉﾞ

Take me back to part 1!

Also on AO3!

[the-lupine-sojourner]

The Errand

Ok so I was a part of @saverottmnt‘s art exchange! I can’t draw too well, so I stuck to fanfic lol. 

Anyway, my gift is for @technofantasia (I hope this is the right person lol), and I hope they like it! 

I kinda combined the prompts ‘Donnie’s soft side’ and the ‘turtles dealing with neurodivergence’ to create...something. 

This is one of my first ever attempts at writing for Rise, so please bear with me. I tried to keep everyone in character, but may have failed. 

Side note: This fic is exactly 1000 words lol. Idk why but I love that. XD

Alright, without further ado, let’s get to the story!

God Bless and Good Day!

~The Lupine Sojourner

Donnie was hardly ever one to do anything without some reward or incentive, even for his brothers. 

It was simply not on his radar usually. 

This, however, was an exception. Over the past six months, Mikey had been going absolutely nuts, seeming incapable os sitting still, always playing with his hands or annoying his brothers in some way. 

So Donnie did some research in some tattered books Splinter had found and the precious laptop Splinter had snagged from an electronics store that had been foreclosed on. 

Donnie found out a lot of interesting stuff about what might be causing Mikey to be hyperactive and crazy. 

It seemed the problem might be that Mikey was understimulated and simply needed a hobby or some kind of outlet for his energy. 

And if Donnie remembered correctly, Mikey seemed very interested in the arts, always drinking up knowledge about painting and drawing and sculpting like it was water. 

So Donnie did some more research. Mutation Day (as they’d taken to calling the day they became a family) was coming up, and he knew just what he wanted to get Mikey. 

The others...well that would have to wait.

He grabbed the oversized hoodie whoever left the Lair wore to hide their appearance and slipped out. He had limited funds, so he’d only buy the supplies he couldn’t find in dumpsters.

He knew what he had to do; if Mikey’s hyperactivity was not stimulated by some kind of outlet, Donnie figured the kid would only get worse and would never give the brothers any peace, so Donnie was willing to go out and get something for his baby brother. 

Only to get some peace and quiet so he could work on his projects...right?

Donnie shakes himself; he’d figure it out later.

=#=#=#=#=

It took longer than he thought to get back, but he’d found some decent acrylic paints someone had thrown away or lost in a side alley and had asked April for any old art supplies she wasn’t gonna use. 

April, turns out, had several sketch pads she hadn’t used, and some canvases and brushes she’d held on to for years. 

When Donnie had explained why he needed art supplies, April was thrilled and talked with Donnie about the possibility that Mikey might have ADHD or just hyperactivity and definitely needed stimulus and something to put his energy toward.

Donnie wondered why he hadn’t gone to April’s right off the bat. That girl always knew the solution to their problems.

While he was there, Donnie was also introduced to the concept of stim toys, little things that let someone fiddle with something without much disturbance to anyone else. Donnie liked the idea and did some research with April before he left her place. 

He’d see about either making a stim toy or buying one later if the art supplies weren’t enough to help with Mikey’s high energy levels.

=#=#=#=#=

It was finally Mutation Day and Mikey had done as much as he could decorating the Lair and had spent all morning making a huge brunch with their dad. 

Donnie brought his box of supplies out for Mikey and put it in the pile of other gifts the boys had crafted or found for the special occasion. 

The family sat down for brunch and eagerly got to eating, then cleaned up 

Finally, it was time for gifts. 

Donnie had also restored a projector from the foreclosed store (having lugged it back to the Lair in secret for Mutation Day) and it was good as new. All that needed to be done was set it up in the living room for movie or game nights. 

Leo had made little wooden carvings of what turtles his brothers were, even trying to add masks, which wasn’t perfect, but it was the thought that counted, right?

Raph had taken to knitting and had knit his brothers scarves and beanies in their mask colors with a blanket for Splinter. 

Mikey had cooked food so he was excused from gift-giving, and he was pleasantly surprised when Donnie plops the box in front of him. 

“Here. This is something for you to practice so you stop bothering us all the time.” Donnie says then walks back to his spot in the circle.

Mikey excitedly opens the package.

“You don’t normally do individual gifts...or any gifts at all, D. You sure yer feeling ok?” Leo asks coyly. 

“I only did it cus I’m behind on my projects and I want Mikey to stop interrupting my work.” Donnie grumbles, flushing a little pink. 

It wasn’t like he cared that Mikey was beaming like he’d been handed the world, right? 

He only wanted Mikey to stop barging into Donnie’s lab to bother him. 

He didn’t see the big deal, but apparently everyone was reading too much into it, saying sappy things like ‘didn’t know you cared, Donald’ ‘you do love me under that tough guy persona!’ and ‘well done, Purple’. 

Donnie doesn’t know how to handle this, so he just grabs the projector and mumbles something about needing to set it up as he leaves the room. 

His siblings and father could be overwhelming sometimes, but he knew they loved him and each other. 

So he starts prepping to install the projector when Mikey comes out. 

“Hey, uh, D?” He asks softly, clutching a sketchbook to his chest. 

“Yeah?” Donnie replies, trying not to sound irritated at the interruption. 

“...Thanks.” Is all Mikey says, but one look at his dorky, blissful grin and Donnie knew he’d made the right call getting those stupid art supplies for his brother.

=#=#=#=#=

Over the next year, as often as possible, Mikey was creating something, be it paintings that made no sense to anyone but him, or portraits and even some comics. 

And he’d settled down immensely. No more running through Donnie’s lab and costing Donnie precious time.

That was the only reason Don had done it. 

It wasn’t just to see that adorable smile on Mikey’s face...was it?

[des-draws]

1-A autistic hcs!

Alright it’s already past midnight here but. I’m still posting this.

Back in my 1-A pride hcs post I also mentioned my autistic hcs, and said I might elaborate on them in April. But because I am a master of procrastination, of course I left it for last minute. 

But either way, here you go; over 3k of projection and infodumping. I’m gonna leave an AO3 link in the replies if it’s easier for you to read there.

(general tw for some mentions of ableism, and specifically tw for ableism/child abuse/ende*vor in the very first bulletpoint)

Todoroki

Ende*vor absolutely refused to believe that there could be something “wrong” with the one supposed to surpass All Might, and so he ignored any and all traits Todoroki would show, punished him for the ones he couldn’t ignore, and chalked up the meltdowns he caused him to Todoroki being a brat.

As such, Todoroki spent a lot of his life masking and hiding and suppressing himself.

Thankfully, much like with everything else, after moving to the dorms he’s starting to unlearn all that internalized shit and instead accept himself for who he is- including indulging in suppressed stims, special interests and other autistic behaviours in a safe, accepting environment. 

He’s found that cold soba is apparently a samefood for him- he knew he liked it enough to eat it all the time without getting bored of it (not that he actually does, since with their hero training a balanced, diverse diet is important), but he didn’t know there was a word for that.

Monotone voice and trouble with facial expressions, you know how it goes. He actually tries to use the “correct” tone and make the “correct” expression, if only so that the people he’s supposed to protect don’t think of him as “aloof”, but he gets easily tired of going back to the masking. He cares, he cares so much, this is just not one of the ways of showing it that comes to him naturally.

Can people please stop talking in metaphors and idioms around him and expect him to know the translation to everything. Thank you.

He’s reluctantly letting himself indulge in his recently discovered special interest on a certain manga series; he’s been buying the volumes, and at some point Sero found him reading one and they started bonding over it. Now Todoroki goes to Sero when he feels like infodumping- though, he has to be careful not to spoil anything. Sero is a way behind since he doesn’t go through the volumes like someone’s chasing him. He has, however, helped Todoroki make a blog where he can infodump about it, spoilers and all. He’s quickly becoming “fandom famous”, Sero says- and even though Todoroki’s not sure what that means yet, he’s very happy to see others as into the series as he is.

Iida gives him stim and fidget toys all the time- Todoroki is reluctant to keep them as the other says, since he could buy them himself, but Iida insists. Todoroki especially likes the tangles. He’s building himself quite the collection.

He’s also invested in some high-quality sound-cancelling headphones. Long overdue, but better late than never.

Favorite stim: TBA, although clenching his fists around his thumbs is something he’s always done- even before he had a name for it, or knew why it was so comforting. 

Midoriya

His special interests are Quirks and All Might (the Hero Persona™ rather then the person)! He can infodump about different quirks and theories on how to use them and “what if x quirk exists how would that work” for hours. He’s spent entire evenings arguing on forums about which of All Might’s hero outfits was most efficient and useful for what was needed. Inko, on more than one occasion, had to lure him out of his room with the promise of a rare comic book so he would eat something.

On that same vein, he is appalled by some of his classmates’ hero costumes. He’s too polite to be that crass about it out loud, but in his brain he’s always going “what in the everloving fuck is this???? Who let a teenager go into battle naked???? Did she just go ‘oh yea give me a pair of gloves and boots and I’m set’ and they let her??? Who agreed to this?? Nothing tracking her vitals, nothing keeping her warm in fucking December????? This is just irresponsible”

So you can imagine the rants he goes into when one of them does ask him for advice on how to update their costume.

He likes visual stims a lot- you know that thing where you shut your eyes and wave a bright phone screen in front of them? He loves that

Having trouble emotionally regulating means lots of crying. Not a bad thing, just. A thing. That a lot of people don’t expect when they first meet him.

Inko has always tried her best to accommodate him, but there’s only so much to do when they’re just getting by. He’s very understanding though. She gets into making DIY stim toys for him, and as he grows up he joins in and it’s a very pleasant pastime for the two of them (to the point that he’d rather keep them as mementos of the time spent together than use them for stimming).

Favorite stim: Hand-flapping and back-and-forth rocking!! Classic and good!

Iida

No volume control we die like men (he’s trying to work on it but a lot of the time he’s louder than he realizes. His friends never fault him for it tough.)

Always loved putting his toys in a line- lines are neat! Don’t you see how tidy everything looks now? This is fun! Unfortunately, kids his age didn’t have the same opinion and just chalked it up to him being a “neat freak”.

The kind to separate his food into sections. He had to get used to eating with company in school, since no one wanted to sit with him during lunchtime before, lest they be subjected to his “bizarre eating habits”.

His family is, thankfully, very supportive and accommodating. They were a little worried when he moved into the dorms, but he reassured them that his classmates are just as accepting and understanding. And besides, he’s not the only “out” neurodivergent kid around anymore!

Has copied the language habits of his parents around Important Customers and never stopped. No one in his family talks quite as formally as he does in casual settings, but hey, better to be too formal than too informal and be considered rude, right?

Owns quite the collection of stim toys. Cubes, squishies, tangles, slime, kinetic sand- you name it, he has it! It’s not so much for himself, since he has a few favorites and sticks to them, but keeps the rest more so for anyone else that might need them.

He’s partial to the fidget pen- he likes fidget cubes too, but they’re usually a little small for his hands and harder to work with.

Doesn’t use memes quite right, but is always eager to learn where they originated from. Kaminari (always good-heartedly) never misses an opportunity to explain them to him, and gets so proud when one of Iida’s attempts lands.

He was kind of worried he’d look out of place on stage in the Cultural Festival, but with his friends reassuring him it’s alright, not only did he go out there, but had lots of fun as well!

Very routine focused. He loses half an hour of sleep and he’s already thinking about re-structuring his entire schedule.

Orange juice is a samefood. That boy need his orang juice

Special interest in the mechanics that go into hero costumes and quirk-assisting gadgets. It’s why he was so eager to accept help from Hatsume during the sports festival (he has mixed feelings about this one), and he’s sure they would work well together if only she stopped trying to make him a test subject.

It’s also something he and Midoriya can spend hours going back and forth about. Iida doesn’t usually lose track of time, but he can’t help it when such an interesting conversation is happening!

Screw “quiet hands”. In this house we wave our hands around intensely enough to almost smack someone (“but not actually smack them!! Always be aware of your surroundings!!”)

Favorite stim: Believe it or not, running! The wind resistance, the stomp of his feet, is all Very Good!!

Kirishima

He used to chew stuff a lot- first as a way to get used to his new, sharper teeth, and then because he just liked how very stimmy it is! But he’d also chew stuff that’s not really supposed to be put your mouth so his moms helped him find healthier stim alternatives, since actual chewelry were either a) not stimmy enough, b) wrong texture or c) destroyed too quickly and he’d just go back to chewing unhealthy stuff.

Since he’s grown enough to not go through chewelry at a breakneck pace, he keeps a couple at hand for when he’s studying- helps him focus! He was kinda embarrassed to bring one to his and Bakugou’s study sessions at first, but after Bakugou admitted that he’s also autistic he started keeping one on his person during them- assuring the other that he’s taking proper care of washing it and everything.

He used to bite on his hands as well- still does when he's under extreme stress (imagine summer camp/AFO showing up at Kamino levels of stress) even though he's grown out of it for the most part.

Hyper-Empathy Station. Makes him good with people (and animals) but leaves him exhausted more often than not.

“Hey don’t you get tired of sticking your hair up like that every d-” “It’s routine bro you can’t just quit it that would be chaos”

Whether he wears it up or not, his hair always seems to be a very good tactile stim, both for him and, surprisingly, Bakugou. When it’s up, the pointy spikes are very satisfying to run one’s hands over, just rough enough to slightly scratch the palm, but just light enough to not completely bring them down. When it’s down, Bakugou doesn’t miss an opportunity to touch it, which works for Kirishima too, since having people run their fingers through his hair is very relaxing to him.

He Cannot handle kinetic sand and most slimes. It either feels grainy and dry or too wet and sticky. The crunchy sound sand makes when it’s cut is like nails on a chalkboard in his head. It’s just not for him.

Gullible. Please be nice to him he just wants to believe in the good in everyone

Special interest on Crimson Riot!! I mean, come on; basing his hero persona on him, naming himself after him? Turning to interviews of his in moments of doubt and uncertainty, finding comfort in media about him? Yeah

Has a couple Comfort Sweaters™ and a single comfort plushie- a shark one, the first gift his Ma got him when she met his mom. It’s been patched and stitched up dozens of times, and barely holds itself together, which is why he never takes it out of its safe place in the closet unless he’s seriously in need for some comfort and has already exhausted all other options.

Bro, We Are Autistic . Its Ok To Stim Around Me . Im Ur Best Friend . I Love You . ... Bro, We Are Infodump ing Now . . No Dont Stop Bro .. Bro ...

Favorite stim: Bumping his hardened fists together!! Sometimes he’ll simply rub his hardened knuckles back and forth together- it’s more discreet, and while not as satisfactory, still good for emotional regulation.

Bakugou

Branded a problem child early on, Bakugou had the majority of his meltdowns called “tantrums” instead. So he decided that if everyone treats him like a brat, he might as well be one.

Even before he started losing his hearing, he had some auditory processing issues- which is why he hates hates hates when Midoriya mutters (and similarly, why he didn’t immediately turn his back to Kirishima- the guy talks loud and clear like 95% of the time. Bakugou can appreciate that, even if he won’t say it).

Face blindness is inconvenient as all hell, which is why he gives people ridiculous nicknames: connecting names to faces is difficult enough, and at the beginning he doesn’t really care to try and memorize them anyway, so he just finds a prominent characteristic to remember each of them by. 

[Insert Smart Guy Meme] “You can’t be deceived by fake politeness and sarcastic compliments if you react aggressively to everything people say to you”

Loves his routine and having everything planned. If you drag him into something out of nowhere and disrupt his schedule he will be mad at you for a week minimum (something his friends found out the hard way)

Prolonged human interaction is absolutely exhausting, more than any quirk training exercise, and he gets cranky at the speed of light when he reaches his limit. As time goes on he does find a few people (first Kirishima and then progressively the rest of the Bakusquad) that aren’t as exhausting for him to be around for longer and longer. He still needs his alone time, but now he knows that he can recharge around them as well, if he feels like having company.

Drumming is Very Good stim-wise. So is spicy food, which is why he likes it so much.

Pressure stims are The Worst for him- weighted blankets, tight vests, anything at all that might constrict him in any way? He Will react like cats do to cucumbers. The only exception is that once in a while, when he’s exhausted but can’t seem to ground himself enough to drift off, he’ll ask Kirishima to just. Lie on him, also like cats do, just until he falls asleep.

This is a No Socks Zone. These foot prisons are absolute sensory hell, and with how sweaty he gets it’s only made worse. 

How Can People Talk About Emotions While Simultaneously Looking Each Other In The Eye This Feels Disgusting I Will Blow Something Up: an autobiography

Favorite stim: Tiny explosions popping in his palms. Sure, grand light shows are fine and all but small ones, just big enough to feel through the roughed-up skin of his palms have a certain calming effect. Sucks that people immediately jump to assuming he’s threatening them when he’s just trying to cool down.

Tsuyu

Very blunt. She doesn’t mean to be rude, but sometimes it comes across like it when she’s only trying to be honest and offer advice.

Raptor hands 24/7. what an icon

Has trouble with physical contact in the sense that she’s??? not really sure how to do it??? She offers hugs and hands to hold left and right but it always feels like she’s just. doing it. Like how one would tie a loose shoelace or button up a shirt. It’s not like she hates it, but her nonchalance when someone does hug her makes people assume she’s being cold- which is not the case at all! She’s just offering comfort in a way she knows other people will understand even if it’s not really doing much for her.

Jelly is a samefood! She likes sour apple jelly the best 

Kind of a black-and-white mind. She’s working on seeing the world in shades of grey though, since she saw how her Absolute thinking can impact her friends.

Low/no empathy. She hates that to some people’s eyes that automatically makes her a bad person. Kindness is a choice, one that she doesn’t need empathy to make every day.

Favorite stim: Her near constant kero-kero-ing is very much a vocal stim, as well as echolalia!

Yaomomo

Makes her own stim toys using DIYs rather than her quirk, and is very eager to make any personalized ones for her friends! 

She also likes experimenting with what kinds of textures she can make using her quirk.

Has a semi-popular account where she uploads videos of her playing with slime and kinetic sand regularly.

Much like Iida, she adopted the more formal ways of speaking from her parents and house staff and has trouble toning it down (not that anyone faults her for it).

Very picky about who touches her. She genuinely does not want to come off as the Snobbish Rich Girl but sometimes when someone touches her with no warning or consent she feels like crawling out of her skin 

In the exact same vein, she was extremely hesitant to admit that the futons at the training camp drove her up the wall with that hellish texture. She didn’t want to be the nitpicky one and make a new one using her quirk, either. If anything good came out of the disaster that was the training camp, it was that she didn’t have to sleep on it another night, she thinks (and then feels terrible about it).

Her special interest is tea! Like, actual tea that you drink. Just look at how she lights up when she gets an opportunity to talk about it, or make some for others!! It’s also a samefood for her- she tries to be diverse, but there are a couple with juuust the right combination of smell and taste that she will always go back to.

Sometimes she won’t even drink any- just the process of making it is extremely comforting.

Favorite stim: Double-sided sequins! Tactile-visual stim combo!

Koda

Largely nonverbal. Talking to people is too stressful 99% of the time. Animals are way better listeners anyway.

No volume control we die like men part 2 (but it’s the complete opposite from Iida, in that he can never seem to raise his voice enough)

Likes his peace and quiet, and can easily go into sensory overload if one too many sounds are happening at once. He wants to invest in some headgear for his hero costume that helps him tune out distracting sounds so he can focus on matters at hand while still being able to hear and help those in need.

A plushie hoarder if I ever saw one. His room is the Ultimate Comfort Corner. 

Favorite stim: Humming to himself. Reluctant to do it in the presence of others, but increasingly comfortable around friends.

Aizawa 

Samefoods with those juice pouches he always keeps around

Permanently exhausted due to having to interact with people

Talks in a monotone and has trouble making expressions

His sleeping bag is very good pressure stim. It’s also very hard for him to replace it, because it has to be Just Right, so by the time he does find one that is Just Right, the old one is practically falling apart.

The only reason he’ll sleep in a bed is if Mic is there to share it with him. Otherwise it’s too cold and exposed and weighted blankets can only do so much.

He kinda misses the time before he got top surgery for the sole reason that binders offered a very comforting pressure stim. However, he acknowledges that it’s for the best he got it, since a lot of the time he’d bind for longer than it’s safe. He was lucky to still have the option of getting surgery.

(this has been a safe binding psa, please don’t do what he did)

He does however, tend to wear a tight, though still breathable undershirt at near all times. 

As much as he complains about Mic’s mustache, he actually likes it. He tried to kiss Mic once when he shaved it for the first time in forever and instantly went “yea no. This isn’t working. Feels wrong and bad, Put It Back™”. Didn’t kiss him again until it grew back.

Everything Happens So Much

He talks back to cats. Like, actually meows back at them. Very good echolalia, makes Mic’s day to walk into a scene like this

Favorite stim: Petting cats! The fur of different breeds offers a variety in texture and when they start purring a very good auditory stim is added to the mix! And when they sit on him and add a pressure stim? Cats are the whole package!!

That’s all (for now?) Thanks for reading!! Hope you had a nice Autism Acceptance Month!!!

[fuzziemutt]

Headcanon Background

These are my headcanons following the world of “Do You Understand?”

This is just extra world building and character stuff that I didn’t want bogging down the main story or have established in there for future reference. Some of these headcanons are inspired by fics I’ve read btw. I might add onto this in the future.

WARNING: Minor Spoilers ahead - I do suggest reading this after the story is complete.

-this mostly covers Connor, Nines and Hank because they’re the ones I most often deal with. If anyone asks for the others or I think of some for them I might add em.

MasterList

World:

This is Post Pacifist route and everyone lives (best ending)

The actual events of the game take much longer, the revolution doesn’t end until towards the end of December to January.

Some events of the game went a bit differently since the time is stretched and because mister Cage is dumb. Like Markus can’t do the weird look deviation thing for funsies. And Alice is human (even if not shown). And there were more revolutionary events that aren’t discussed but happened.

Androids are also much more open about their inhumaness, they often act more human like around humans. However, while alone, androids tend to talk via their internal networks most often (some choose to outwardly speak only too, it’s just preference) and refer to themselves in less human manners.

Okay ngl I’m not gonna get into how to fix this mess of a world Cage made, I’m going to idealize some things in this fic (like I made a landlord nice and not much ACAB- or really any cop stuff), this is merely for fic purposes. I ain’t gonna play moral battlefield with Cage’s dumbass for what started as a vent fic. Just know I don’t agree with a lot of the decisions Cage made for this game’s plot.

Connor RK800:

The RK800 model was made with less articulations in his face so as to cut corners given he was meant to just be a trial. -He needs to consciously run facial expression programs and they can be quite awkward.

Same vein, Connor’s constant calibration, while also a stim, lack of tear ducts, and blinking glitch are also due to Cyberlife cutting corners

Connor Has ADHD because I do so he does too

He also stims by pacing or running, but he tends to do this in absolute private.

He likes to change his hair color quite often to differentiate himself from Nines (He would change his eye color if he could), he does have Bryan’s curly hair but he still consistently styles it to the game style.

His wardrobe style consists of button ups (black, white and floral), turtlenecks, a dark grey blazer, knee length black coat, black jeans, and dress shoes (often Cyberlife ones since they’re just slip ons essentially)

He has killed/hunted way more deviants (and humans) than in game Connor. When he isn’t with Hank, Cyberlife ordered him to simply hunt down and dispose of any deviants he could find. (they wanted results they just played nice with the law for show)

While he wasn't cruel and let all deviants he met with Hank go (except Rupert), any deviants he found while "off duty" did not receive the same mercies (some would even be found mangled beyond recognition). Hank really amplified the humanity in him but only when present. It was also easier to ignore orders when he had a scapegoat.

He also remembers all prior iterations of himself; while the corruption in memory is still there, it was used to condition him in “right” from “wrong”.

He spent a lot more time with Amanda especially during early trials as well so his loyalty to her is very deep and she is like a mother figure to him.

This is Connor model -54. Past 3 models deactivation: Fell with Daniel while protecting Emma (Successful mission); Success w/ Carlos’ android, but he still self destructed and got shot in the interrogation room when trying to stop them; Stratford tower kitchen but the deviant crushes his thirium pump before running leaving him unable to be saved.

He did go up to the roof and saw how Simon was left behind, but he thought about how Hank would be displeased if he killed this android in front of him, given prior results, so he left back to the kitchen last second. Simon knows he left him alone but he doesn't know why.

*pats his head* this boy can hold so much unprocessed trauma

Also this Connor is not an “uwu soft boy”, he is a bastard man. A nice bastard man, but a bastard man none the less. He will sell you to Satan for a single corn chip (/j). He is severely touch-starved though.

He is very bad at expressing and showing his true emotions in a way that makes sense since he’s spent the last, however many, iterations putting himself in a tomb of denial, fear and anger in order to survive. He often expresses nothing or in a manner that he feels will benefit him (arguably manipulative but he is in constant survival mode still). (unless he gets too overwhelmed by his own emotions like hella overwhelmed)

He wasn’t necessarily “deviant” when a machine, his social relations and general programming just saw the act of being more emotionally expressive as giving him a higher chance of not being killed by his handlers. Basically “if they think I’m like a cute roomba, they won’t kill me as easily”. He still experienced frustration, fear and other emotions he ignored, but he was under command (with code and external pressures), his own AI just got fucky and advanced without anyone realizing it (from trauma).

The books in his apartment are random books hes bought from a thrift store, but there are some mystery books and a sea creature encyclopedia in the mix. - The manta ray plush is a gift from Hank, the Whale is a gift from Nines.

Connor (Nines) RK900:

He looks and sounds exactly like Connor. Height, build, face, voice and everything is the exact same except he has blue eyes.

Arguably Nines’ system name is still registered as “Connor” but he just never felt the need to change it since he just goes by Nines anyways.

He has more articulations in his face, even more than the average android, and he tends to take advantage of this. He does feel bad sometimes after being a walking reminder that Connor meant nothing to Cyberlife, but they both tend to not want to talk about that and just ignore it. He doesn’t know how deep Connor’s jealousy goes though.

Given he activated deviant, he really isn’t sure what being a machine is like or having to follow orders. This sometimes is a disadvantage as he doesn’t get sometimes why androids, like Connor, would lean so heavily onto their old programming.

This also means, he’s very expressive and open about his emotions. They were free so why would he try hiding what he felt ? (This can sometimes get him in trouble)

Where Connor changes his hair, Nines wears very loud and vibrant clothing, if he finds a shirt that screams ugly he will wear it. His usual get up is asymmetrical colored button ups, whatever pants he grabs that morning, dress shoes (don’t worry they’re ugly too) and his favorite highlighter neon yellow and orange hooded jacket. He also tends to change into more comfy wear when at his room in New Jericho.

He is partnered with Gavin Reed, but those two really aren’t friends and never will be. Nines can handle him just fine at work but he would never invite that man anywhere near him after it. He is friends with most of the DPD. People find him really friendly and enjoy talking to him.

He also owns a cat named Clem, not much is known about her because she’s really shy.

While he still has access to the base zen garden program, the program is not connected to anything and never had the Amanda AI implemented yet. Since he was never rolled off the press properly and Amanda was set to change connections to the new model set when Connor was done, it never happened.

He was released from Cyberlife storage due to an agreement between them and Markus that all remaining prototypes would be released and androids would have access to the tower in order to produce biocomponents and parts (Cyberlife still owns the building arguably and has access to any info/security there though). He’s honestly not that close to the Jericho leadership despite everything. He talks to them every once in a while but he doesn’t actively talk to them.

Arguably yes he is one of many RK900s, but for sake of story, he is the -84 model of the series and the only one we will see.

Hank Anderson:

After the revolution, he offers Connor a place to stay out of worry. He won’t admit it, but he had a gut feeling con man wasn’t doing well (he was right)

He does work on his drinking problem, but he still has a lot of issues and sometimes relapses. He’s slowly getting better.

He’s like a dad figure to Connor but he isn’t his dad. He gives guidance, but he also gets that Connor is arguably a full grown adult even if he is emotionally like 1 years old. He kinda is a dad to Nines too, but this isn’t as focused on in the story. While he is a bit less grumpy (aggressive) enter Connor, he still a bit of a sour boot most of the time. He just is sober while doing it now. He started wearing a ponytail after the revolution to keep his hair out of his face. He lets Connor trim it every once in a while, but he can’t bring himself to go back to the short style. This Hank adopted Cole as a baby after finding him at a crime scene. He never got married. (He jokes about having an ex-wife out of a sense of compulsory heteronormativity and because it’s funny to him) He used to treat Gavin like a son of sorts before Cole’s death, but practically dropped him afterwards which is why Gavin is doubly hostile towards him. The house he lives in now is not the same house he lived in when Cole was alive. He also got rid of a lot of Cole’s stuff when moving (The toys and clothes he kept are in a box in the garage).

[werevulvi]

How did you learn to be comfortable with your hirsutism? I've never been trans or detrans or dysphoric so my situation is not like yours but i'm hairier than average and even approaching my 30s i still struggle with my natural body. I've tried going noshave as a dare a couple of times and just feel overwhelmed with revulsion and shame. Even if i think it's conditioning for the most part i don't think i can undo it. Is there a point of no return?

I've always been mostly comfortable with it, but that's not saying I haven't dealt with any amount of shame or stigma about it. Especially a couple of years ago, I did struggle with it. Not everyone in my life loves hairy women, and that does affect me, so I hope I can offer some insight, or uplifting words! I think there are several aspects as to why it's fairly easy for me to love my body hair unabashedly now, and also reasons as to why I've struggled with it. Firstly, being viewed as male makes people less likely to call me gross or stare at me for being hairy, even though some still do because I often wear very feminine clothing (people tend think that hairy men in feminine clothing is "distasteful" ...apparently) and my parents really do struggle with my body hair. Even my sister has promptly given me unsolicited shaving advice. (I’m not exactly sure how my family views my gender, if it’s as a woman or more like a trans person, or as a female who identifies as a man, or I don’t know, but it’s obviously not as an actual biological man. Which I’m totally fine with and really don’t care, as they’re entitled to their opinions of me, but like it’s relevant because they probably wouldn’t have thought my body hair is gross and bad if I had actually been male, which is my only complaint: the sexism nestled in with however they perceived me.) But outside of my family and aside from my femininity, my ability to mostly blend into society as a man (which only some women do/can/want) means most people don't care about that I'm hairy, or might even praise me for it. Like if I just dress a little less girly, it's suddenly "cool" and "oh so manly" that I have hair on my chest, kinda.

Another aspect is that when/if I tell people I "identify" myself as a (trans) man, they also praise my hairiness as a positive personal achievement. Where as when I've instead "identified" myself as a woman, people have instead expressed disgust, being sorry, and other ill-placed compassion, for my hairiness. Like someone saying "I'm jealous of your beard, that looks awesome, dude" does affect me in a very different way from being told "I'm so sorry you grew a beard, I hope something can be done about it" and having been given those very different reactions based on what I've called myself (while looking the exact same way) has definitely affected my confidence about my body/facial hair.

However, I could still love my body hair even when I kept getting tons of crap for it from other people. Receiving all that crap made me feel terrible about my hairs for a while, but I also couldn't make myself truly hate them. I could within a couple of years find my love for them again. Probably so quickly because I had already loved them before, and because I was unable to hate them, despite being under that intense social pressure to conform.

When there's no one around to have opinions of my body hair, and it's just me, I first and foremost enjoy simply how they feel. That's how I started my journey to embrace my hairs. Wearing a long skirt or dress and my thicc thighs suddenly don't clamp together, because my leg hair serves as a natural barrier, which reduces friction? Awesome sensation. Wearing a shorter skirt and feeling the wind in my leg hairs on a warm summer day? Another awesome sensation. Armpits not stinging when putting on deodorant? Very nice, indeed. Not having to deal with any razor burns, and much more rarely any ingrown hairs? Neat. Twirling my fingers around my chest hair, because I still don't have a stim toy? Very soothing. Cuddling my beard? Very calming and reduces my stress levels like a LOT. It's almost as nice as petting a cat.

Then after finding how I love all those sensations and more, it became difficult for me to shave as the shaven sensation left me feeling oddly naked and like I was missing something. Without noticing, I had started to connect emotionally to my hairs as not just part of my body (for better or worse) but as truly part of ME.

Kinda like how many people feel about their head hair, regardless of their preferred length. Many people like having head hair, and would feel naked and at a loss if it was suddenly gone, which applies to both men and women. I started feeling like that "naked and at a loss" without my body hair, because I had emotionally connected to simply the physical sensations of having it there.

But I was still struggling with the appearance of my hairy body being there all visible, so on that point what I did was starting with simply covering up. Wearing clothes that would hide how hairy I was, basically. And not looking too long in mirrors, but also not avoiding mirrors. I'd glance. Except I still went swimming in just a bikini, regularly, at a public, local pool.

I think my experiences with going swimming while hairy, and otherwise hiding my hairs, helped me slowly get more comfortable with how it looked. Because I realised that despite all the comments, etc, it's really no one's business how I groom my body, as long as I'm clean and smell fresh. And my hairs are definitely clean! They're freshly shampooed and conditioned! I'm only saying that because keeping my body hair clean, helps me curb that feeling of being hairy somehow supposedly being equal to being dirty, which it isn't!

The more brave I got to test myself, I decided to show my hairs in public more and more, outside of the swimming pool area. Like with low-cut shirts, short sleeved shirts, tank tops, shorter skirts/shorts, etc. Eventually I developed a stronger connection with my body hair, became protective of it. And I started seeing beauty in it too. Looking at body positivity stuff made by other hairy women out there (mostly on Instagram) inspired me a lot, and having a supportive girlfriend who kept telling me my body hair is hot, helped a lot too. Feeling attractive shouldn't be the end all be all, but I'd be an idiot if I denied that it's uplifting and inspiring to hear/see that my own body hair is attractive.

As a result, I can quite freely love my body hair now, and show it proudly, but it took a lot of work and I still feel a little bit weird about it. Like sometimes I catch myself being puzzled by that I'm so hairy yet female. So like it is deeply ingrained, the belief that female body hair is somehow bad, dirty, gross or shameful, but it's NOT objective truth. It's just subjective opinions that very many people unfortunately have. It's natural, protects the skin, can increase sensitivity, can help regulate body temperature even, it's cheaper to not spend lots of money on shaving products, and lots of other good things that come with being hairy. I think the only negative is when my bracelets, rings and necklaces get stuck in the hairs and yank them out... which doesn't happen often!

I still feel that shame tugging in me whenever my mom decides to berate me for being hairy, and I have to remind myself that that's just her opinion, and not an incredibly valuable one!

So no, I don't think there is a point of no return. Like it’s never too late, as long as you’re still alive and kicking. We continue to be maluable and adaptive, and changing as people throughout life. Any opinions or beliefs that we have can change. Sometimes on a whim, but more often from working on ourselves, consuming media that informs us why we should change an opinion/belief, testing out what works and what doesn't, challenging ourselves, facing our fears, etc, and sometimes it can take a lot of such work and determination to achieve the desired result. But I think, when it comes to self-acceptance and self-love it's always possible to achieve.

Although I may still struggle a little bit with my body, I managed to come to love it in general, and feeling really connected to being female, despite still having dysphoria, from having hated my body in the past, and I think that says a lot. I mean that to say, if I can do that, I'm sure you can too. I hate to say it, but really all it takes is willpower and not giving up.

[sanguinarius-archive]

(sal)ly face headcanons bc why not

sal actually loves bright/jarring colors, but claims he doesnt look good when wearing them (he does tho, just ask the artists ash and larry)

he loves loves loves space!!! he knows the names of random stars and planets. he doesnt talk about it much bc its hard for him to word it correctly but he just.. FOCUSES on it for HOURS

when people ask him “comics or novels” he literally cannot decide. he’ll read stephen king’s “it” but then a second later he’s reading a fuckin archie comic or garfield comic

he actually loves sci fi films more than horror!

horror movies tend to freak him out because hes more psychologically affected by them (bc of his trauma), so he’d rather avoid that and go with something like sci fi

this is canon but- he loves to paint his nails! one time he painted each nail with the bi flag. it actually took a lot of precision but it was worth it

sal loves small dogs. he also loves rottweilers and chihuahuas bc they look so silly and cute with those big bulging eyes and that waggy tail

he thinks bunnies are AWESOME and one time larry put one on his head and he felt like an angel was above him

“sal how does it feel?” “it feels like… like god has sent her top guardian down to protect my mind…” “from what?” “from negative energy”

it is utter chaos when hes forced to go to school with a cold

poor boy sneezes but he cant take off his prosthetic bc he’ll feel naked af

dont worry tho, ash and larry to the rescue! they take him to larry’s apartment and hide him there and take care of him for a bit before going back to school themselves. they also bring sal any work he misses

sal gets emotional very easily over happy things!

like literally if he thinks abt his friends for one (1) second he’ll start to tear up because he just appreciates them so much

he hates strawberries. they are always too weirdly cold for him and that hurts his teeth and he also just doesn’t like the way they taste

he also stims!!!! he tends to blink a lot and grind his teeth. other stims are more visible ones like flexing his fingers or drumming them on tables, and flapping his hands as well. also kicks his legs a lot

sal loves all animals, this is canon, but like

imagine if he frickin got like.. a snake

larry is SUPER terrified of snakes, he thinks theyre cool from a distance but he hates seeing them

so when sal is like “i got something to show u” larry isnt expecting it and he sees the snake that is very clearly in its container but he just BOLTS

and sal is like “noo… babey snek is nice…”

he… has a weird relationship with bugs like all of us. but he baby talks all of them from time to time

he literally will pick up a centipede and be like “what are you doing here mister?? just crawlin around? how delightful!! i wonder what it’s like to see the world in your eyes… with that many legs…”

sal will obviously wear whatever he wants

but traditionally “masculine” clothes? no thanks. he hates it. thats why he wears dresses to formal stuff. he feels trapped or suffocated if he wears a suit or anything like that

he just prefers really baggy/loose clothing

if given a meal with different portions he’ll eat it one by one

so like… if he has fries and chicken strips. if he starts on the fries, he finishes the fries. he doesn’t switch back and forth

he also loves sweets but only if they’re small

big candy bars? no thank you

also going back to the stim thing- ash stims as well so she and sal share stim toys!!! things like squishies or weighted stuff or spinner rings or chewie jewelery, they’ll share those with each other

okay but one day he’s in art class just goofing off with larry

and larry puts glitter in his own hair as like a joke

but sal is just FASCINATED

because… oh my god… sparkl…………. shinyy…

and so he practically pours the entire tub of glitter on his hair

and he gets in so much trouble for it but he’s like “no miss listen i am a goddess. this is who i am. i am a teen figuring my life out”

and for the rest of the day he doesn’t bother to get any of it out so he walks around the school with a terribly large amount of glitter in his hair

larry cries of laughter whenever he sees him

ash thinks he’s a QUEEN and insists that he comes over and lets her fiddle with his hair and actually make it v pretty and sparkly

so he accepts!!!!!

sal also loves little kids and is super good with them. sometimes kids get scared of his mask, but it’s easy for him to reassure them

when soda is born, sal declares he’s going to be her favorite uncle

and he’s right!

larry’s not jealous though cause yeah, sal is pretty great

and honestly? sal is super protective of soda. he shields her from seeing or hearing any bad things

i also headcanon sal’s voice is a bit like kurt cobain’s- so he kind of sings like him too? but doesn’t scream or anything. his singing voice very soft like kurt’s in the beginning of lithium

sal doesn’t really like to sing though. in front of people, at least

he loves music box versions of songs, they’re just so relaxing and they help him fall asleep a lot of the time

also when he sleeps it’s usually on his back, so gizmo lays on his stomach through the night. sal doesn’t move a lot during his sleep

he has sleepwalked though, to larry’s place

and larry woke up and saw sal (this is after he first saw him without his mask) and he saw him without his glass eye For The First Time

larry TRIES not to wake him up but pretty much fails and sal kind of has a panic attack

he’s like “that- i- i’m sorry- my eye-” and covers it but larry pulls his hand down back to his side and is like “it’s ok you look super cool without it”

prom is honestly one of the best nights of sal’s life

he’s got his hair up in a bun and wears a rainbow-striped t-shirt with a high-waisted black skirt and a long-sleeved black shirt underneath the t-shirt and tall dark leather boots

his nails are painted blue, red, purple, orange to represent him, larry, ash and todd (tho his nails on his thumbs are painted black)

because he secretly loves dancing when no one is around, he just kind of rocks it at prom and his friends are blown away bc… holy shit?? sal fisher can Dance????

but he’s more playful with it

he and larry scream the lyrics to the songs that play

they all end up ditching the prom and going outside to the back of the school and just kinda goof off

larry and ash share a cigarette and todd drives all of them out beyond city limits to an open field

they just kinda lay down in the grass there and stargaze for nearly the entire night

they talk about stupid stuff and serious stuff

honestly sal just goes back to his apartment very later and happy cries

cause again, he gets so emotional over happy stuff

and he loves his friends very much

and no there is no bad ending to this or bad ending that i won’t talk about

they all grow up together and are happy

EDIT: ANOTHER ONE I FORGOT TO ADD... sal LOVES deadpool. hes only into marvel for deadpool. he relates to him bc hey they both have deformed faces (except for dp its his whole body too i think) but ya!!!! he loves wade frickin wilson

[paw-patrol-kiddo]

2017 for my regressive side

Well guys, this is it; we’re really already at the end of 2017! Hard to believe, ain’t it? Well, I normally don’t do year review thingies, bu’ I figured I should probably do one this year, mostly cause this year’s been the best out of all the years of my life- and that’s saying a lot. I mostly wanna cover what this year has held for my regressive side, also with bits of stuff that happened in my big girl life!

If ya want, I’d love if ya made one of these posts about what this year held for your regressive side and you tagged me in it! Chances are, I’ll be reading it and replying very quickly! 

Anyways, time for the year review! It begins below the cut!

This year’s held a lot of things for my regressive side; a lot more than the previous years. I’m going to try and cover everything, for every month of the year!

January held my fifteenth birthday and also marked four years since I started liking diapers nonstop again, which ultimately led to me beginning to age regress. I discovered that it seems my regressive side is most active this month, something that’s really helpful to know for obvious reasons. I attempted to indulge in my regressive side discreetly to cope with stress, as I was still hiding this whole thing at the time and seldom spoke about it to Kaiya, my younger sister. I also remember that the month before, I stopped identifying as a chireb, and was trying to find a new label for myself, but was failing. This was frustrating to me.

I don’t really remember a whole lot about February! Not much that I can note, that is. Thinking about it, this month is kinda a blurry, confusing mess if that says anything; I just can’t remember a whole lot from it! I think either this month or the month after was when I gave up on finding a label and just settled on the generic age regressor term.

March held quite a bit of things for my big girl side; I began playing baseball, got my own room at last, and mourned the loss of a big part of my preteen and early teenagehood when Club Penguin shut down. Even with more privacy for my regressive side and my life in general, I mostly forgot about my regressive side around this time and moved on with my life.

April doesn’t hold a lot of notable things for agere, either. I do know that starting four months before, I started feeling other ages in my identity (I feel all the ages I regress to in my identity. Like, I feel like them and at times, that for example, I’m a 7-year-old trapped in a teenager’s body. It’s not a fun feeling) and I accepted two without a problem (10 and 11), but I continued to deny and push aside another age I felt, thinking it seemed too young. After all, I was content with my youngest being two-years-old; or so I thought.

I wanna say May started getting a bit tough. As the spring season of baseball drew closer to the end, of course, my regressive side began trying to rise from the depths. The little girl inside me wanted attention and more space. She couldn’t keep sitting back and hiding forever.

The most I could do for my little self was watch toddler and little kid shows in private, play with my toys, play children’s games online, and color. Not a whole lot, clearly, and I was still self-conscious of a lot of this. I am sure this is the time where I began feeling trapped regarding all of this. 

June began to show signs of easier times. Baseball finally ended for the summer, which of course, led to the “Well dang; what am I gonna do with my life til the fall season?” moment. My regressive side, of course, took the wheel for most of the summer at this point. Hiding this was becoming very hard; I had to find some way to cope, some way to be open, anything. My little side could hardly take it anymore; this month or the next month marked four years since she first stepped into my life and you can only hide yourself for so long before it becomes too much (I had been making an effort to hide for a year or two before then).

Towards the end of the month, I finally reluctantly accepted the fact I seemed to regress to age 1 and 4 days later, I finally gathered the courage to make this blog, something I had thought about for a year, but could never do it. I told myself if I regretted it, I could just delete it, no problem; that was what I was expecting I’d end up doing. 

But instead, with a place I could be little, the trapped feeling began to ease. I was scared, of course, but also relieved and very happy. In fact, I was so happy that when I went to the bathroom shortly after a brief flood-reblog, I had to happy stim for a minute or two before I could actually do what I came in there for. I gave Mom and Kaiya the link to this blog. I’m sure making this blog is one of the best decisions I’ve made this year- and I’ve made a lot.

Making the blog reminded of my love for diapers, which brought back a memory of when Mom sneakily bought some for me the summer before. Talking about it here was really hard at first and took a lot of courage, but if you can’t tell, I can do it without flinching or hesitating now. After a quick chat with Mom, I decided at last, I’d finally try them whenever Dad left the house for a few hours (shout-out to the anon who sent that ask after I posted about it, you’re amazing and I hope you had a wonderful year. We need more people like you. Also, I started happy stimming when I reread the ask before linking it here).

Also, I rediscovered Small Elephant (I received the lil guy as a gift a year before and played with him once, but never got too attached to him) around this time and idk what exactly happened or how it did, but apparently, I ended up attached to him and I still am. He’s my lil vacation/severe weather evacuation buddy now.

July was a blast! I finally tried out my diapers shortly after Dad left to help out at a vape and tattoo shop he volunteers at and by the time I finally changed out of my first diaper, I had officially decided I was wearing them for the rest of my life (not as in 24/7, but... I’m sure ya know what I mean). The only problem is that because I was used to seeing what all the a/b/d/l community advertised, I ended up developing a rash the second time I wore and had to learn how to take care of myself properly mostly by myself with the occasional help from Mom and the internet (and literally now is when I see everyone from that community talking about the proper way to do things...).

The day I tried diapers out, I tried out regressing to age 1 to see how I’d like it and well, the rest is history. ;) 

Kai relearned of the diapers this month (read it once somewhere on my blog according to Mom, then I had to tell her about a sample pack on the way, and then Mom had to have a conversation with her about it in the car when they were the only ones in there) and said she was cool with it and briefly even began joking about the whole age regression thing (in a friendly way, mind you).

I told Kim, my older sister, about my regression, and she took it wonderfully, of course. I also told a friend of mine about my regression and liking of diapers, who also took it just fine and showed a lot of support for it. 

I began to indulge more and more into this and I even had a friend who also age regressed by the end of this month (Rayyyyyyy~). 

I went to Florida with Mama, Kai, and a former (? I don’t even know anymore, honestly) friend of Mama’s and it held some interesting adventures there, too! I took Small Elephant places, regressed at the beach twice (@ Kai, psst. Remember when I trapped you in that hug and almost sunk us into the ocean? Well, there’s your reason why), got a Winnie the Pooh book from Goodwill, and indulged in some tasty smiley fries one afternoon! Clearly, this month is one of the best for my age regression. The little girl inside was happy; I was no longer feeling trapped.

August was pretty wild. Small Elephant came with me to Georgia; I don’t think he got to come along on any adventures outdoors, however. I got a jack-in-the-box style toy with a mama kangaroo and her baby joey inside. I also regressed at some point at our cabin and enjoyed running around outside just before a storm blew through. Mom chose to tell someone about my age regression without my permission (talk about a thought to occupy yourself down the lengthy lazy river) and thankfully, that person was fine with it. I was thinking about telling her not too long before, funny enough. I’d prefer permission and a warning before telling someone, though, aha.

I got two “0+ months” pacifiers that month from Mom and literally spent 2 hours sucking on them, save for when I briefly stopped to switch; needless to say, my TMJ relapsed very quickly after around six months of absence of symptoms, aha.

My ex broke up with me (I got with him back in May), despite promising that no breakup would happen 3 days before. This was mostly a good thing, though; no more worrying about how and when to tell him about the diapers and age regression! I’ve been single since and content with it. The thought of telling my future boyfriend(s) this is terrifying, but maybe he’ll be fine with it. Maybe I’ll even meet someone who also likes diapers (nonsexually, mind you) and age regresses as well! I imagine that’s a once in a blue moon thing, though.

We also told Dad about my regression and he took it fine, something that surprised me, as I was genuinely not expecting it. Mom didn’t tell him a lot and eventually, decided to back off for a bit temporarily after mentioning that I “liked to act like a 7/5-year-old sometimes” and that I liked pacifiers and wanted one (this was after I got mine). According to Mom, he didn’t respond to the pacifiers thing and honestly, it’s still kinda scary (if it’s the no reply I think it is, I got him to do it back in October and it’s really unsettling). I don’t know what it means and I don’t think I want to know. He still doesn’t know about the pacifiers to this day. It’s wild.

September held its own adventures. I finally rediscovered an old bag of Mom’s (I mostly remember it because she had it when I was an ‘’actual’’ toddler) and what’s inside? A baby bottle I held on to for three years from when my parents had me treat Puzzle Piece as if he were a baby, thinking it’d rid of my age regression tendencies (if anything, I think this just fed it tbh). I planned to wash it and perhaps try it out or look into a new one.

This also held a notable visit from my older sister. She was told about my liking of diapers and you probably guessed it, her response was coming to my room (I panicked and ran away while she was on the way to the living room after Mom called her in there), giving me a hug, and saying, “I love and support you no matter what you do”. My sisters are great if you can’t tell, and I also mean that outside of agere.

The night before the diaper reveal, Mom noticed me lying on Kim while she rocked the recliner one evening and Mom offered to rock me someday while Dad was gone, something I accepted pretty quickly. I got Mom to rock me for the first time ever two days later. Mom also told me that Dad was fine with the rocking, hence why I was rocked literally right next to him at some point, and he even said he could rock me someday. I don’t think I could do that, though; age regression related stuff is really hard to do around him, and I’d be too worried about his back (he has a bad back).

That month, the day before the rocking part took place, I finally gathered the courage to actually refer to her as “Mommy” on here, along with “Daddy” for Dad. It honestly feels so good to do. I just find it sad I was so scared to use those words at first thanks to the kink/sters. I refer to those two regularly by those titles, mostly to try and reclaim those words as innocent, pure words I call my parents occasionally, rather than terms that are tainted with reminders of ki/nk. Mommy’s easier to use, because I’m closer to Mom than Dad (as of late, that is), and also because “Mommy” isn’t as corrupted as “Daddy”.

I got a Pooh Bear sleeper the day of my second baseball game of the fall season. It’s soft and it makes me feel like a toddler; the only problem is that it’s so easy to overheat in it (which really sucks because I’m hypersensitive to heat and can’t handle getting really hot) and sleepers take up a lot of room in a dresser.

Oh, and this month, Mom called me a nick name she uses for me quite a bit now; “My baby”. Out of all the nicknames I know, I never thought of that. I still melt when she calls me it tbh.

October was a mix, really. I don’t remember a whole lot involving this, really. Rocked by Mom again, got another sleeper, and witnessed Kaiya prove that she was okay with the whole diaper thing by insisting she was fine with it, actually going to the adult diaper aisle with us at Wal-Mart (she stayed a bit away from us, though), and when the cashier bagged the diapers up, she moved so dang fast and had them hidden in no time. I know this because I watched her load other stuff into the cart and she was much more relaxed. I did see her look into the cart at some point before we went to check-out, so perhaps she memorized what the package looked like so she could hide them? Idk if she remembers it or if she’d even want to talk about it, so... Who knows

Towards the end of the month, something began happening. I don’t know what, but it eventually led to me becoming depressed again for a little while, but we’ll discuss that in a few minutes. I discovered I was so indulged in my regression I actually forgot aspects of myself and chose to take a break for a week the next month. I came back feeling better about agere and somewhat better about myself in general. I still don’t understand what happened, but it hasn’t happened again since. Hopefully, it’ll never happen again.

November was a pretty miserable month for me tbh. Has a few good or at least neutral parts, mostly in the beginning, of course. One of these is that I discovered that I can go so deep into my baby mindset (I refer to my 1-year-old self as a baby for brevity) that I’ll chew on things without a thought and well, perhaps that other part’s a bit tmi. I also finally tried out my bottle one evening; very comforting and relaxing.

In the middle of the month, I struggled with accepting that perhaps I did need meds after all (spoiler: I definitely need them) and stress from this, a fixation on childhood trauma, and chores, which were gradually becoming stressful instead of enjoyable, began building up. I began to fall back into a depression, something I was in denial about the entire time.

It was this time that I noticed I was having a harder time regressing, something that was terrifying to me. I was scared that perhaps my regressive side was going dormant; one of my biggest fears is that I stop regressing for good and I was scared that was what was about to happen. That was, until one night, I had an involuntary episode briefly. I didn’t think much of it and went on with my night as normal once it concluded. I don’t know why I didn’t become concerned; involuntary episodes are rare for me, after all. But then, I thought I was about to have a block, so I guess that’s why I thought nothing of it.

I tried my best to cope with everything, but it was futile. One night, just witnessing the dog we were dog-sitting have an accident and having to take all three by myself while they all cried and tried to get out just made me snap, I guess. I fell deeper into my depression, began craving to be an actual baby/young toddler again for the first time in a couple of years, and briefly began having involuntary regression episodes every night. Wearing a diaper to bed and having Small Elephant with me every night for a couple of nights, drinking from my bottle one night, spending more time with my pacifiers, and easing up on everything I could helped pull me out of it.

I still don’t understand what exactly happened, but I hope it never happens again. Also, I guess this confirms that I have involuntary regression episodes when I’m overly stressed. Hopefully the next time this happens, my regressive side will keep me afloat, like it always has.

December was pretty good! I got rocked again by Mom while I was being bottlefed by her, got a new bottle and a toddler snack, and got more toddler snacks later on that day (again, Kaiya moved them to another bag quickly before Mom gave me the bag with them inside). Dad learned about the bottles and snacks and thankfully, is alright with it. I wish it was the same way with diapers. He still doesn’t know about me wearing diapers behind his back, as you probably guessed, and it will stay that way for a while. 

I think I kinda cheated another depressive episode, but? It never came. I was just really grumpy and easily upset for a while, to the point of punching my bed and stomping, which I hardly do (heck, I still am as of right now, but it’s calmed down some). I wish whatever my brain’s doing would stop, because it’s getting rather annoying and I’d rather not spend any longer whining frequently and worrying about getting upset to the point of punching or kicking my closet door off its hinges or something. :’)

Christmas was great; I mostly got big girl gifts (see: My new camera) or at least neutral gifts (see: My stim toys and maybe my Pikachu necklace), but I did get a few things that appealed to my regressive side, like a set of five different Paw Patrol puzzles, a penguin plushie with my name written on its tummy (glitter and everything!), and an Animal Jam playset thing!

To end this year off, I got a sippy cup, one of my most-wanted regression items around that time. Now, if only I could actually bring myself to wash my bottle and sippy cup in the dishwasher (they’re top rack safe)... I guess I can start off the new year washing them after I listen to Bring Me to Life or maybe while I’m listening to it, hee hee hee.

As you can see, I had a pretty wild year full of adventures and experiences! You know what? Why don’t I mention some folks who played a role in making this year the best?

Mom - Mom, I think you know how you’ve helped. You’re literally a big aspect in this post. When I was 12, I thought I’d never have your support about all of this, but now, here we are. You’re my mommy and I’m your baby and I always will be. I love you.

Kai - Sis, I think you see your role here, too. I thought you’d never support me, either, but here we are. Thank you for being cool with the diapers and everything else and always being respectful about it. I love you. Also, sorry for almost drowning us that time

Kim - You don’t get on Tumblr anymore, but I figured you deserved your own spot here, anyways. You haven’t gotten to see a lot, but you’ve still been very supportive of all this. Thank you for being fine with it and loving me for who I am, no matter what I choose to do. I love you. Also, I still can’t get over the fact that you seemed to do so good with little me that one time and you didn’t even know I was regressed at the time and you literally treat me how you treated regressed me all the time, but I still can’t get over it

Ray - You were my first friend who also age regressed. Tbh, I’ve admired ya from afar for like, a year before we started talking, but I was always scared to talk to ya. Thank you for being so supportive, helping me out and offering help for things occasionally. Also, thank you again for the regression moodboard ya made in the past for me! I still think about it a lot, and have looked at it so much that I’m pretty sure I have it ingrained into my brain.

Bug - We haven’t known each other for long, but I wanted to say thank you for taking an interest in me and being my friend. You’re adorable and so sweet (and so is your fursona. I love seeing other people’s fursonas, ahhh). My bumblebee plushie told me to tell you he said hi~

Leah - We haven’t known each other for long, either, but you’ve been so sweet to me the entire time we have. Thank you for the times you’ve checked on me when I didn’t seem to be doing so well. We need more people like you. Honestly, your kindness is goals for me; I’m always wanting to be kind at all times and you’ve got that perfect amount, it seems.

All my other followers - I can’t list all of y’all, so I figured y’all should get your own honorable mention in one go~ Some of you I’ve known almost as long as this blog has been around (6 months!), some of you I’ve only recently gotten to know. I don’t know why y’all followed me, but I appreciate it. Thank y’all for following me, sticking around, and just being all-around cool. Y’all are adorable and lovely and I love y’all (and so is everyone else who got a specific mention. Yes, I love you guys, too).

I think 2017 is the best year for my age regression by far and the best year of my life in general. I’ve learned things, laughed, cried, shook from excitement and fear, grinned, and stimmed in many different ways for many different emotions. I can finally be myself without feeling as much shame. An autistic, ADHD teenage girl who is occasionally in diapers and often feels more like a little girl than a teenager sure is an interesting thing to be, but I wouldn’t change it for the world.

I don’t know what 2018 could bring, but I am ready for whatever it throws at me, whether it be pie (fun fact: I have never eaten pie before), problems with other people about this, or a pack of diapers.

To all my fellow age regressors, I hope 2018 brings you lots of happiness, acceptance for who you are by others and yourself, and anything you may want for your regressive side, whether it be more toys, a sippy cup, or a lot of marathons for your favorite cartoon/anime/TV show. Even if it’s hard for you right now, it will get easier; I promise.

Happy new year!! Stay little/tiny/smol.

[dollarstoreartspam]

Ok so Jacob Portman and Olive Abrolhos Elephanta have ADHD and you can pry this headcanon out of my cold dead ADHD hands so here we go~

Jacob

Younger Jacob had like a big hyper fixation on the peculiars and exploring and it was like a big Special Interest, and when he got older and got made fun of and sort of lost his interest he felt really Empty for a very long time 

Somewhat subtle stimmer

He chew stims a lot, he’s definitely broken like a dozen pens or more by chewing on the ends really hard. He also probably chews on shirt sleeves and the inside of his cheek, once he bought himself a chew stim toy but his mom thought it was gross and threw it away, he goes through like three packs of gum a week

When he’s really excited he probably like slams his hands of counters and stuff

The human embodiment of the Leg Bounce ™

Sensory stims are his SHIT man, Ricky probably makes fun of him because of how many slime blogs he follows

Hyper Fixates on really specific things like how planes work and ends up watching shows ‘How it’s Made’ and various documentaries and reads like every slightly related Wiki and before he knows it it’s been 40 hours and he hasn't moved for two days

Forgets to eat way too fucking much

A smart boy, he’s pretty good at understanding things on a base level and his anxiety forces him to behave enough in class so he isn’t diagnosed with ADHD until he’s like 15 and his parents are the kind of people who “Don't believe in labels” and think “It's just a phase everyone goes through” and Jacob is SUFFERING 

Zones out a lot

He’s TERRIBLE at studying and reading stuff like he gets distracted v easily

When he tries to study for finals it’s like dissociation central and hours of Tumblr scrolling

The reason he hates his job at Smart Aid is because it’s that type of Boring ™ where you feel like your brain is going to explode and you’re filled with such an overwhelming sense of under stimulation you want to slam your head against a table

Goes through interests so fast. I can guarantee this boy has played at least 5 sports, been in 20 + clubs, and picked up a million hobbies before dropping them all within a month to a year (like in the book when he talks about how the year before he had begged his parents for a camera he no longer gave two shits about like that’s so relatable man)

CANNOT maintain friendships. He won’t text back or drives them away and he’s honestly surprised Ricky and the peculiars have stuck around so long.

Olive

Weirdest fucking thought processes, like she’ll just be sitting at the dinner table and be like “Doesn’t that old lady who lives halfway up the street have red curtains?” and everyone is like “wut” and she’s like “WELL we were having turkey for dinner and that made me think of when me and my parents moved to England, right? And I met this girl named Tilly and she was my best friend! And Tilly had this Golden-Brown hair, right, that was in these pretty bright copper coils? And it looked exactly the color of this turkey! And Tilly only visited over the winter because she was staying with her aunt and she taught me all about christmas and I taught her about hanukkah and she got me this really nice skirt one year for what we called christmaanukah! It was brown. But her Aunt didn’t like her hanging around me right? And whenever Tilly visited and we hung out it was cold because we had to hide outside and her cheeks got all red and then I remembered I tore my current skirt and I wanted Horace to make me a new one but this time a red one  because red is just a much more pleasant color isn’t it? But we’d need to go into town and steal some red fabric right? So I thought of the old lady with red curtains. Horace do you think that would make a nice skirt?” and all Horace, who is used to these tangents is just like “sure olive” 

Stims so MUCH

When she’s excited she gets very bouncy and just kinda hops around and if the peculiars aren’t careful she might just like hop to the ceiling or the sky

Flaps so much holy shit she gets so excited man and you know, you just gotta Flap ™

Gets distracted very easily

Not the best at school, she’s loud and forgetful and she tries SO HARD but can’t focus

Wants to Always Do Something. It doesn’t matter what but this girl Cannot Sit Still

When she gets her mind set on something NOTHING can stop her from starting. Starting being the key word here. She’ll focus on one project for like three days straight and then stop right before finishing cuz she got bored and it drives Miss Peregrine INSANE

SO IMPULSIVE

Jacob gets her a Fidget Spinner and she’s in Heaven she loves it

Needs to say out loud what she plans on doing or she WILL forget

Together

Have the most inconsistent rapidly changing conversations that NO ONE can follow

Don’t tell them to get anything or remember anything or go anywhere without someone else because they WILL distract each other and forget

They definitely infodump to everyone and each other, Bronwyn and Millard are good to infodump too because they listen and REMEMBER some of your random babble. Sometimes Jacob and Olive will infodump to each other and have a full conversation, both talking about two completely different subjects and overlapping each other and it’s a glorious mess.

Neither have ANY perception of time its bad

[demiboypercyjackson]

Headcanon: one time on Will's birthday, all of the campers he's helped out in the past, whether it be in the infirmary or with LGBT stuff, all teamed up with Nico, hoping to make this the best birthday ever for the guy who helped them so much.

okay so this is my favorite thing in the entire world.

-

will is a total hermit, rarely ever comes out of the infirmary and doesnt hang out NEARLY as much as he used to, so when cecil and lou ellen start pulling him in any sort of direction outside he immediately assumes someone is injured. he kind of resigns himself to stitching someones ears back on, figures the day could be much worse, at least things are interesting at camp, but then cecil pulls him into a seemingly secluded place near the strawberry fields and will is like ? okay wheres the yellin and bleedin

but SURPRISE LOSER, its actually a huge party. people jump out, yelling surprise, throwing golden glitter and pink and white and blue and yellow streamers everywhere, a few people have noisemakers. will is surprised - this looks like just about everyone he knows, which is weird because most campers should be gone for school right now - didnt august start up a while ago? will blinks rapidly as he realized that the Mist is fading around them, bending his perception of reality, no longer hiding these big ol’ wrapped gifts and silly banners and a table with cake. he can barely focus on any of it, it all shows up so quickly. suddenly hazel is there, smiling at him the way she does, and she runs to hug him, says her hello. nico is right behind her, hugs him too for a little bit longer. that, to will, seems the most surprising thing of all; pda? from nico? with this many people? if it werent such a big party, will wouldve assumed someone had died. nico pulls away and will sees that chiron is there (because will is like his son, having been at camp for so long and having been taught healing by chiron himself, of course horse dad wont miss this) and pats will on the shoulder, giving his congratulations.

and wills just like “congratulations for what?” and everybody kinda freezes and looks at each other

“will,” nico laughs. “its august 13th. you know…. your birthday”

and wills eyes go so wide they might just pop right out of his head. “wait…. its my birthday?”

and then everyone is laughing and everyone enjoys pointing out the silly banners they made; “billy the bday boy” (“rude!” says will, causing more laughter) and “one year closer to death” and, of course, “celebration in progress, no terfs allowed”. they all make will grin and laugh. kayla and austin are sure to get will the first slice of cake, because thats the best part of having a birthday, and then they serenade him with a terrifying mash up of never gonna give you up and careless whisper. it is arguably the best song will has ever heard.

other birthday gifts include: a fanny pack, entirely white with a red ‘plus’/cross, its purpose not unlike leo’s toolbelt as it has the capability to give just about any general medical supply he’d ever need (the first thing he pulls out is a small card that says simply “Love, Dad”), as well as at least 4 new binders (one with weed leaf print that makes him laugh for like 10 minutes) and a comfortable sports bra that starts a chanting of “LET THE BOY BREATHE! LET THE BOY BREATHE!” that has him absolutely snorting with laughter, then some sweet collectable star trek trading cards as well as a special autograph of long-dead actor deforest kelley aka 'bones’, wills favorite character (a gift from nico, cecil, and lou ellen - the thing that made him happiest was knowing they got on well enough to collaborate). there were other things, odds and ends, some stim toys that will was excited for, a collection of trek and xmen comic books, some magic the gathering and mythomagic cards. the promise, from chiron, that they would start working on his 'light bending’ as will had called it now that he was old enough. hes so intensely grateful and excited and he thanks everyone a million times, lets people play around with his new cards and stims and, though hes wearing it, the fanny pack.

that is, until nico gestures to speak to him alone for a while. everyone goes back to cake, some poking at austin and kayla to give an encore. while his siblings play The Best Of Memes, vol. 420, nico leads will away and takes both his hands in his own.

nico is very quiet at first, very reserved, but he carefully explains the importance of his skull ring, then even more carefully, the importance of will to him in his heart. “and, because of this,” he whispers. “because of my caring for you, and your importance in my life, i want you to wear it from now on. this ring started my descent into a kind of darkness i thought i was meant to be in, i was meant to become. and you sparked the light that ended that part of my life. im happier now. because of you, and because of that struggling, i am happier now. i want you to wear the ring.” and will does. he wears it on his left hand, his middle finger, and he knows he’ll probably have to take it off aaaaall the time in the infirmary but right now that doesnt matter, because the ring is one finger away from a promise. it was odd to have such a romantic moment happening while boney m’s rasputin played in the background, but it was oddly suited to the moment and to their relationship.

all in all, it is easily wills best birthday ever.

- mod will

[tarysande]

Fic Update: Any Four Walls: Cool Aunt

Heyyy, why not update a story I haven’t updated in more than a year while everyone is off playing new game? *finger guns*

(In all seriousness, sorry for the long delay. I don’t anticipate one NEARLY as long again. This chapter sets up an arc I’ve had in my head for years!)

On AO3

#

Cool Aunt

After three hours spent as sole caregiver to her brother’s daughters, Solana was beginning to have serious doubts about her own suitability as a parent, which made her current state of impending motherhood all the more terrifying. No going back now. Not even if she was having sudden visions of just how woefully underprepared she was. And she was. In vivid color.

Taking the girls off their parents’ hands for a day had seemed like such a good idea at the time. Step one to reaching coveted cool aunt status. Girls day out. Or in. Something. Fun. Definitely fun.

To be honest, she hadn’t actually thought that far ahead when she made the offer.

Garrus had an itinerary of political obligations as long as his arm, which only made Solana shudder and wonder how she could ensure her own position in the Hierarchy rose no further than it was already. Though Shepard had been perfectly willing to stay and entertain the children, Garrus did not disguise how much he wanted her with him. More than that, Solana knew they were far more effective a team when working together, especially when it came to fighting for things they believed in. Solana wasn’t privy to the details, but whatever it was they were dealing with now left a grim expression on her brother’s face whenever he thought no one was looking. Shepard’s wasn’t much better.

While arguing with one or the other of them was possible, when they presented a unified front, Sol wasn’t sure they’d ever actually failed. Being on kid-duty for a day seemed a small price to pay, if it helped relieve some of the tension lurking beneath her brother’s plates or in the furrowed cant of Shepard’s human brows.

Off they’d gone, and with them Naxus and her father to their respective work, leaving Solana in possession of two sleepy girls and many hours to fill. The sleepiness had worn off after breakfast, replaced by the kind of frenetic activity Solana usually associated with a firefight. Or stims. Or stims during a firefight.

And that was only hour one.

On hour four, tired to her bones and having exhausted all avenues of entertainment via vid-watching or reading or playing in the garden with nothing resembling nap time in sight, Solana bundled the girls into her skycar and took the scenic route into town. This served the dual purpose of helping pass time and avoiding some of the worst areas of Reaper destruction still in the process of being cleaned up. She didn’t need to ask to know Tyrra was uneasy; the girl sat in the back seat with her hands folded, looking anywhere but out the windows. Beside her sister, hip pressed to hip and shoulder to shoulder, Rose kept up a steady stream of conversation requiring no responses. Most of it seemed to be about some vid series Solana had never heard of.

With sinking certainty, Solana realized she was going to have to know these things at some point. Hot vids, and the names of the characters in them. The right toys. Lingo.

How to change a dirty baby. How to feed one. How to stop one from crying.

“Spirits,” she muttered under her breath.

“Are you okay, Auntie Sol?”

“Of course,” she lied, wondering about the stats on new parents who somehow broke their offspring in the first week. Or day. Or hour. She wondered if there was a record. She wondered if she was going to break it.

Machines she could do. Code? Without a doubt. Even the trickiest, most finicky wiring? Not a problem.

Real living creatures were a whole other matter.

There was, after all, a reason why she’d never kept pets.

“It’s just you have a real funny look, like the one Dad gets when he’s gotta go on the vids.”

“He hates the vids,” Tyrra added. Solana didn’t miss the way the girl’s subharmonics seemed to ask if Solana hated them the way Garrus hated public appearances.

With a touch more honesty than she was entirely comfortable with—and how honest were you supposed to be with children about things like this, anyway?—Solana replied, “I wasn’t busy hating anything, I promise.” One hand waved in the general vicinity of the alien lifeform now growing within her. “I’m only a little nervous about this whole having a kid of my own thing.”

“Why?” Rose asked, so guileless Solana could’ve hugged her. “You’ve been doing real good with us, except for when you almost mixed up the breakfast foods and when you almost locked us out of the house and when—”

Tyrra cleared her throat loudly.

“Oh,” said Rose. “Sorry. Yeah. You’re doing good. Definitely.”

She said definitely exactly the way Garrus would have said it. Only Garrus would have smirked. And then Sol would have had to kill him.

“I think you get used to it, anyway,” offered Tyrra, finally looking up from the hands folded in her lap. “Taking care of babies. They don’t do very much. Just eat and sleep and need their diapers changed. Mostly they like it when you hold them and sing to them, and they don’t like loud noises. They like to feel safe.”

Solana’s breath caught when she realized Tyrra was speaking from experience, and that the experience hid the kind of grief no nine-year-old kid should ever have known. Sol was forced to correct for an unintentional swerve. The weave and drop made Rose giggle.

“Well,” Sol said, too brightly, her subharmonics hiding nothing, “I have to admit I don’t have any experience at all. Garrus is the older brother; I think he did all the baby stuff when I was small. That’s what my mom always said when he pissed me off later, anyway: ‘Be nice to your brother, dear heart, he used to change your diapers.’”

“Dad’s pretty good with babies,” Rose agreed, kicking her feet back and forth. Solana noticed she was wearing different colored socks pulled up overtop of her envirosuit, one pink and one bright blue with sparkly stars. “Mom’s soooo bad.”

Tyrra’s mandibles fluttered in amusement. “She really is.”

Solana laughed. “If Shepard—of all people—can set such a low bar, maybe there’s hope I’ll be able to step over it.”

Tyrra glanced out the window and didn’t immediately look away; the smile remained on her face. Solana couldn’t help feeling it was a victory. “I think she doesn’t do well when she can’t talk to them.”

“Sounds about right.” Solana held up a finger. “She’s good with words.” She’s held up the other. “She’s good with guns.” Opening her palm, she shrugged one shoulder. “Something she can neither talk to or shoot at probably causes no end of discomfort. I should remember that.”

Tyrra laughed. Rose leaned forward against her restraints and said, “One time she almost dropped a baby someone wanted her to hold, like, for a picture? It was screaming and wriggling and the mom was all ‘Please, Commander Shepard’ even though Mom’s not a commander anymore but I guess that’s how everyone knows her and the baby was just like, ‘Wahh’ and Mom was getting all flustered until Dad kinda saved her and made a joke about always having her six even against, um, the most hostile hostiles? It was pretty funny. Then the baby puked right in her face. Like, a lot. I think it was on the vids. You should look it up.”

“Oh, I will,” said Solana, grinning. “I absolutely will. Now, girls, I was thinking we might do a little shopping, but we could also—”

When the crash sounded and the skycar began plummeting to the ground, Solana’s first thought was that there’d been some kind of rockfall—her route had taken them close to the mountains to avoid the worst of the valley’s Reaper destruction—but the screech of metal on metal whispered an even more alarming truth. They were under attack. Her fingers danced over the haptic interface, trying to wrestle back control and even out the car’s trajectory. Beneath her talons, her instruments recorded a flash of energy before flickering and dying.

She swallowed her panic because she had to. She had to.

In the shadow of the mountain, the interior of the vehicle was dark without its glowing lights and reassuring screens and readouts.

Rose screamed once, high and terrified. Tyrra remained silent, talons digging hard into the seat.

“It’s okay,” Solana said, breathless. The side of the car bounced hard off the rock face, potently punctuating her lie. She reached for the weapon at her hip, while scrambling for the other in its secret compartment under her interface panel. The first she attempted to hand to Tyrra, but the older girl only stared straight ahead, mandibles pulled tight to her face and eyes so wide Solana knew she was seeing something very different from the inside of a falling car.

—beasts wearing turian faces krogan bodies turian teeth tearing turian eyes and her leg her leg her leg leave me dad leave me just go on without me save yourself they’re turians oh spirits they were turians once—

Rose took the weapon before Solana could stop her. Her face was wet with tears beneath the envirosuit’s mask. With a weary sadness so at odds with her usual ebullience, Rose closed her hands around a grip far too big for her little hands and said, “I know what to do, Auntie Sol. Aim for the eyes. Always point at the eyes and pull and pull and pull and pull and don’t stop.”

Some of the pressure from above eased. The backup generator stuttered to life, providing enough power for Sol to get the safety landing gear mostly extended, though she had to release her restraints and reach for the manual controls to do so, and the damned things still stuck half-in, half-out. When the second crash came, her head hit the side window hard enough to make her see stars.

—turian faces krogan bodies turian keening from a monster’s throat—

The roar in her ears refused to diminish. Clutching at her weapon, she tried to see into the back seat, but her vision remained alternately blurred and dark. Pain arcing down her spine and across her belly stole a low keening note from her throat.

—i won’t leave you you know i won’t leave you—

Metal crunched. A third attack from above was enough to finally push the car into the dirt, and though the landing gear cushioned them somewhat, the lack of power and maneuverability sent Solana against the window again, curling so her back and cowl took most of the damage. She blinked, swiping at the blood in her eyes, gasping around the pain. She’d had worse. She’d lived through worse.

—turian teeth tearing—

“Rose? You okay, dear heart? Tyrra? Tyrra?”

“Yes,” replied Rose promptly. “Is…is it Reapers?”

“The Reapers are gone. I promise.” Solana swallowed hard, tasting yet more blood. Her bad leg felt strange, hollow. Like the phantom limb tingling she’d suffered before her surgery to replace it. Another screaming ripple of pain twisted her gut. “Is Tyrra—”

“She’s in the bad place.”

The driver’s side window imploded in a shower of glass that skittered across Solana’s plates without enough force to cause damage. She wasted neither time nor words, turning her gun in the direction of the sound and shooting. No satisfying sound of injury met her shots.

“Rose, tell me what you see.”

In a whisper, Rose said, “There’s a lot of legs, Auntie Sol. I can’t see their faces. It’s not Reapers. I think it’s—”

Unconsciousness found Solana before Rose finished. She fought it, clawing at the light with everything she had. Not enough. Not enough. Not enough.

—they’re turians oh spirits they were turians once—

[hyatt-death]

so like my friend brandie is gonna kill me cuz like im being kinda mean to merle for a sec in the next story of the stolen time series but like its cuz i see him as not being used to people stimming???

like i hc that magnus, taako, and lup all stimmed alot like alot lot cuz they get overstimulated and anxious and magnus has really bad anxiety ptsd/survivors guilt and depression especially during the stolen century and after ravens roost and the twins both have bpd and anxiety/depression and all three have very obvious stims like magnus makes repetitive noises and likes to touch some different textures and whatnot and has a ton of fidget toys and the twins rock alot and do alot of repetitive motions and where taako has to have like pressure and weighted blankets lup likes to chew/suck on her jewelry and rap her nails on things alot 

and like merle had never seen it before but got really used to that stuff like super fast especially after like barry and lucretia explain it to him and he was fine with it it was whatever he loved all his weird kids after all so like hed make sure they were ok and see if they needed anything and that was that but with his memories gone he just was so confused 

and in the fic he comments on magnus making repetitive noises and taako just kinda loses it and yells at him cuz like hes been hiding his stims from the boys simply cuz of this reason and like after that hes super chill but i kinda feel bad cuz i love merle so much????? but like it fits to me that hed do that??????????? after taako and magnus explain it to him like hes gonna go right back to being super supportive and whatnot so like no worries its just that hes never encountered it before

[babysizedfics]

Pink Crayons and Pinky Promises - Part 1

Summary: Being a super cool big brother is hard work sometimes. Especially when you don’t feel as big as usual, Vee doesn’t feel as little as usual, you parents are asleep, your baby sister’s pullup needs changing, you both need breakfast, you don’t know where crayons come from, and you miss your Mommy. But Mommy always calls Roman a clever little boy, so he’s gonna try to deal with all that stuff anyway! That can’t be too hard, right?

Word count: 4.9k

Take me to part 2! (There’s another link at the end of this part!)

Also on AO3!

oOo

The carpet brushed against Roman’s feet as he dragged them back and forth, over and over again. He smiled and wiggled on his butt a little where he was sitting on the floor. Then he rubbed his feet over the carpet again. Back and forth. Back and forth, really fast!

Daddy called them happy feet, and Mommy said it was stimming. Roman didn’t really care what it was called. He just liked doing it! It made his chest less stuffy and his fingers less tingly. He liked doing it when he felt bored, or when he felt bubbly, or sometimes when he felt weird.

This morning was kind of weird. Last night Mommy didn’t feel good and Daddy had to look after him while Nana came to their house to look after Vee. That was okay though because Roman was a super big brother and helped look after the baby! He was really helpful and at bedtime he even let Vee sleep in his bed because she didn’t like sleeping alone. Daddy and Mommy were gonna be so proud when they found out what a responsible big brother Roman was!

But since Roman woke up this morning, he didn’t feel that big anymore. Vee was still asleep in Roman’s bed and Mommy and Daddy were still asleep in Mommy’s bed and Nana must have gone back to his house after Roman and Vee fell asleep. So that meant Roman was all alone right now.

Roman was never really on his own, except if he was awake way past bedtime or when he really wanted to be and yelled at everyone to leave him alone… But right now he didn’t want to be alone! He wanted Mommy to play with him and Daddy to call him nice names and Vee to copy him and laugh when he did something funny.

It wasn’t a good idea to wake anyone up, though, so Roman decided to make the most of his time alone! He played his car game, like, five times already. He put coffee in his sippy cup and finished it. And since he didn’t have his parents around to tell him not to, he even snuck his toothbrush out of the bathroom to chew it!

Exactly why Roman wasn’t allowed to chew his toothbrush was completely lost on him. It was like he was brushing his teeth extra! And it tasted good and felt nice in his mouth and when he grinded his teeth on the bristly bits it made a really cool crunchy sound that filled his ears and made him rub his feet on the carpet even faster! Mommy and Daddy clearly just didn’t understand fun when they saw it. Roman thought he was a genius to discover how nice it was to chew his toothbrush. So he wouldn’t be ashamed of it anymore! If anyone asked him about it he would just tell them to mind their own business!

“Wo, what are you eatin’?” a small voice asked.

Roman yanked the toothbrush out of his mouth and let it fall inside his sleeve. It left a yucky wet trail on his wrist and it made his face scrunch up a little, but Roman quickly shook the feeling off and looked over at the bed.

Vee was sitting up against the headboard and rubbing her eyes tiredly. “We’re not allowed lollipops without asking Daddy or Mummy first.”

Good, Vee didn’t realise it was Roman’s toothbrush. And fae sounded half little going by faer voice and what fae called Patton and Logan! Fae was way easier to argue with when fae was only half little. (Mostly because fae actually understood what he was saying.)

“Yeah, well Daddy and Mommy aren’t awake yet, so.” Roman stuck his tongue out at his sister.

“Hey!” Vee whined and her lip stuck out. She kind of looked like she would cry. Roman really hoped she didn’t or he might be in trouble. Luckily she only said: “I’m gonna tell Daddy you eated sweets without asking and sticked your tongue out at me!”

Ugh, what a tattletale. Apparently Roman had no choice.

He rolled his eyes and pulled the toothbrush out from his sleeve. “Fine, I wasn’t eating candy, look.” Despite his greatest efforts, Roman’s cheeks grew warm when he showed Vee his chewed up toothbrush. He bit his lip and asked her quietly, “You won’t tell Mommy or Daddy, right?”

Vee’s eyes darted to the door, her lips twisted, then her gaze flitted back to Roman. She looked undecided.

“I promise I won’t let you get in trouble for it,” Roman quickly added. But Vee still looked a little anxious, so Roman kept going: “A-and I can cut up some watermelon for breakfast!”

A big smile broke out on Vee’s face, then it went blurry. She was bouncing up and down on her butt and squealing.

Roman knew that would do it! He laughed and rubbed his feet quickly on the carpet. This was fun! “Deal, Vee-Vee?”

Vee bounced up from the bed and tiptoed over to Roman’s spot on the carpet quickly. She dropped to sit on the floor next to him and nodded with a big smile. “Okay, deal!” Her eyes wandered over the toys on the carpet.

“Did you wanna play with me?” Roman asked, his tummy bubbling with excitement. Vee was hardly ever big enough to play with him! This was the best morning ever!

Vee nodded, but her smile dropped a little after looking at Roman’s cars. Then she pulled her thumb up to her mouth. “Um, yeah… But I’m not allowed to play cars, am I? You said I get it wo-w-wo—” She paused and frowned at herself, looking like she was thinking super hard. “I get it… wong.”

“Good job, Vee,” Roman whispered with a smile that was quickly returned. (Daddy said it was good to make Vee feel good when she tried to make her voice work better, even if she didn’t always get the words right.) “And you don’t get it wrong but…” Roman looked at his cars—his absolute favourite toys that had to be played with in a really specific, special way—and bit his lip again. “Um, but I bet we can play another fun game without my cars!”

That made Vee smile again, so Roman thought that must have been a very clever idea. He was full of those!

“Cool!” he yelled a bit too loudly, because it made Vee startle. But then fae giggled and whispered “cool” back so Roman didn’t worry too much. “F-then we—we can—we—” Roman swallowed some spit before continuing, “We—we can play, um, um… the Knight and Princess game!”

Vee’s pink-painted fingernail went between faer teeth. “Okay, um, can we play it without the dwagons and evil wizard though?”

What a silly question! “Vee,” Roman chuckled and shook his head. “Of course we can’t!”

“Oh…” Vee slipped her finger between her lips and sucked it like a baby.

“A eminent of danger is essential to the Knight and Princess game,” Roman explained (even though it was really obvious). “If there weren’t any dragons or evil wizards then I wouldn’t have anything to save you from!”

Vee’s pigtails bounced and swished when she cocked her head to the side. “W-w-what’s a ‘emimenp’?”

What a silly question! “Eminent! It’s a big kid word, it means…” Roman blinked. Mommy used the word a few days ago and Roman asked what it meant and tried really hard to remember so he could use it around Mommy to make him proud. But he couldn’t really remember what Mommy told him it meant, he just remembered Mommy calling him a smart little boy for asking questions. It would be cool if Mommy was here to call him smart now…

Roman nibbled his toothbrush then spoke around it quietly, “It means, like, a thing.”

It made Roman feel a bit better to see his little sister nodding with big eyes. “That’s a weally big word,” she breathed, clearly impressed.

There was that nice bubbly feeling in his tummy again and Roman sat taller.

Then Vee kept talking. “Um, but I weally don’t wanna play it with the baddies…” 

“How come?” Roman complained, slouching in his seat. That was no fun!

Vee wiggled and instead of looking next to Roman’s face, her eyes dropped to her lap. Her cheeks went the same colour as her nails. “W-w-w-well, w-w—” she shook her head quickly and changed her voice to a whisper. “It’s just—It’s a bit scawy. And Mummy isn’t here to make it less scawy?” Vee’s voice went high and squeaky at the end. Then she pulled one of her pigtails forward and hided behind it.

Sometimes Roman forgot how much of a crybaby Vee could be. It got kind of annoying when he just wanted to play but Vee started crying and Daddy or Mommy or Nana told him off because it was ‘too loud’ or ‘too scary’ or ‘too much of a safety hazard’. Then again, Vee getting scared all the time just meant Roman got to be a cool, strong, protective big brother all the time. So it wasn’t all bad.

“Okay, we don’t have to play that one!” he quickly reassured her like a good big brother. He even put down his toothbrush and holded her hand and she squeezed his fingers! “We could play Tag or Mermaids,” (but maybe without the sharks) “or Pooh cards or Hide ‘n’ Seek or—”

Oh no! Roman’s empty hand flew up to his mouth and he stopped talking. But it was too late.

There were already shiny tears in Vee’s eyes. Fae pulled faer hand out of Roman’s to hug faer knees to faer chest.

“I’m sorry, I-I-I forgot!” Roman quickly whispered. He felt really, really bad. It was super important to not mention Hide and Seek to Vee, Mommy and Daddy said. It always made her sad because of what happened last time. “It’s okay, baby, we never ever have to play that one ever again, I promise!”

Vee whimpered. Then she lifted her little finger in between their faces. It was kinda shaky. “Pinky pwomise?” she whispered really quiet.

Roman wrapped his bigger pinky around Vee’s smaller one. “Pinky promise,” he said very seriously. Pinky promises were no joke.

Then there was a loud growl that made Vee gasp. Faer pinky squeezed Roman’s so tight it kinda hurt. But then fae let go a little and looked down at faer tummy. It growled again.

Roman burst into laughter, and it was quickly followed by Vee’s giggles.

“I’m hungry too,” he said, mainly to help Vee not feel embarrassed. “Let’s go have breakfast!”

“But, um, I thought we were gonna play somethin’?”

That was a good point… Luckily, Roman was really creative and clever! “We can play while we eat! I think I left my colouring stuff downstairs yesterday.”

“Okay!” Vee squeaked. Then she rolled on her tummy and crawled to the bed, using the bedpost to help pull herself up from the floor. The rustly pink bit of her pullup poked out from the back of her pyjama pants as she stood.

“Oh!” Roman remembered a very important thing, then grabbed his toothbrush and stood up too so he didn’t feel smaller than Vee. Daddy and Mommy usually checked the very important thing, but they weren’t here which meant Roman had to be a good big brother and help his baby sister! So he asked the very important thing: “Is your pullup wet?”

But it didn’t seem like it helped much. It just made Vee pout and pull the front of her pyjama shirt down. Kinda like if she was trying to hide her pullup. But that was silly! It wasn’t like Roman had x-ray vision to see through her pyjamas!

“I’m not gonna laugh or anything,” Roman promised, then repeated softer, “Is it wet?”

It took a few seconds for Vee to nod silently. Her cheeks were super pink.

“Okay, then you can go change your pullup while I put my cars away!”

“No!”

Roman’s mouth dropped open a little. Vee never did that! He looked down at faer grumpy face and frowned. “Vee, Daddy always gets you a new pullup if it’s wet, but he’s still asleep. And you don’t like me being there when you get a diaper change, right?”

Vee looked even grumpier just hearing it.

Just like Roman thought! He nodded to himself. “So then I can’t help you either. You gotta get a new one yourself.”

Vee’s pigtails bounced really fast this time because she was shaking her head lots.

The light, bubbly feeling in Roman’s chest was now a hard, squeezy feeling. This was way harder than it looked when Daddy did it. He didn’t really know what to do when his little sister didn’t listen to him.

“But…” Roman gripped his toothbrush handle tightly, then started chewing the bristly bit again. It made his voice kinda muffled, but he was still a big boy and could talk good. “But Daddy always—”

“No,” Vee whined, “I don’t wanna!” Faer thumb went in faer mouth and fae sucked it like a baby. “Don’ wanna, d-don’ wanna.” Faer voice was all high-pitched and wobbly… like fae was gonna cry.

“Okay! Okay, that’s cool!” Roman blurted, yanking his toothbrush from his mouth so fast it scratched his gums. He licked the scratch then carried on before Vee got any closer to tears, “You don’t hafta change your pullup. Don’t cry, baby.”

Vee pulled her thumb out of her lips and hid it behind her back. “I’m not a baby wight now…”

Roman nodded even though Vee was kind of always a baby. Gotta keep the baby happy. “Okay, you don’t hafta be a baby either.”

Even though it didn’t feel like Roman handled that very well, at least Vee didn’t look like she was gonna start blubbering anymore. He didn’t like dealing with Vee when she was crying.

Then Roman thinked really hard to himself for a moment (as clever boys do). He had stopped Vee from crying this time, but Vee always cried even more when she wet herself. And Roman didn’t like it when the carpet or the couch got wet, especially when their parents weren’t there. Roman was only a little boy, he didn’t know how to clean Vee’s accidents! So… 

“But you gotta pinky promise you won’t have a accident ‘til Daddy changes your pullup.”

Vee nodded really hard and wriggled her pinky around Roman’s. “Pinky pwomise, no accidents!”

There, all fixed! Now they could just have fun!

oOo

Being little without Mommy or Daddy was fun, but it was also really tricky. Of course, if you’re a clever little boy like Roman that gives you an advantage. But it was still tricky, even for him!

There was lots of stuff he had to remember. Like when they got Vee’s spare paci from Roman’s drawer, Roman had to check if the sucky bit of the paci had fluff on it before Vee put it in her mouth. But that was easy!

And then they had to go downstairs, except they weren’t allowed to walk on the stairs when they were little and alone. That’s what Mommy and Daddy always reminded him. So Roman had the genius idea to slide down the stairs on their butts! He made sure to hold Vee’s hand the whole time—not because he was scared of falling or anything! Just because that’s what big brothers do. And to be an extra amazing big brother, Roman even let Vee hold his hand after they were off the stairs.

Making breakfast was definitely a grownup job, but Roman tried his hardest with that too. He was really careful pouring oat milk into both of their sippy cups and screwed the lids on super tight with Vee’s help holding them. It was hard ‘cause they were still holding hands. They spilled a small puddle of milk on the countertop but Vee slurped it up real quick, like a vacuum!

And when Roman poured the Cap’n Crunch into their divider plates (Roman’s being a cool, blue Spongebob Squarepants one and Vee’s being a babyish, pink Hello Kitty one) he only dropped 14 pieces of cereal on the floor! He counted them all by himself. Then he left them there so that later he could prove to Mommy that he counted them right. Plus he didn’t wanna touch icky floor food! (He didn’t let Vee suck up those like a vacuum even though fae really wanted to. Silly baby!)

The most tricky bit was when he cut the watermelon. There was no situation Roman could think of where he would be allowed to use a knife when he was little, so he just stopped being little for a few minutes to use the knife then carry everything (including Vee) into the living room. 

But now he was little again! Him and Vee were colouring pretty pictures for Mommy to help him feel better and they both had yummy melon and cereal and milk. They were having lots of fun and it was all because of how clever and responsible Roman was!

“Wow boo bay pink ob cwayom aim?”

Roman leaned up from where he was lying on his tummy and propped himself on his elbows to look at Vee. “Whadja say, Fee-Fee?” he asked around his toothbrush, giggling when it made his voice sound funny.

The paci that was bobbing in Vee’s mouth suddenly shot out of her mouth. It dropped to her lap with a long trail of drool.

“Eww!” Roman laughed. It made the scratch on his gums hurt, so he licked it again. “Why’d you spit it out?!”

Vee smiled, faer lip shiny with spit. “I had to get it out weally fast!” fae squeaked and wiggled on her butt. Then faer smile went away a bit and fae pulled her shirt down and stopped wiggling. “Um, I said h-how do they think of cwayon names?” fae asked quieter.

This kinda thing happened all the time. Since Roman was bigger and older and cleverer than his baby sister, she asked him lots of questions. But sometimes Roman didn’t know the answers… so he just thought up ones instead! It was fun, but only if Daddy and Mommy weren’t around to say he was wrong. It wasn’t about being right, it was about being creative!

And about tricking his silly baby sister.

Roman picked up the crayon he had been using on his drawing and inspected the label. ‘Forest Green’. 

Really quickly—so that Vee didn’t think he was lying or anything—Roman thought of an answer: “They name them after wherever they find them growing.”

Apparently that wasn’t a good enough answer for Vee. Her eyebrows went down and she said, “Nu uh, cwayons don’t g-gw-w-gw—” She shook her head to stop the stutter and tried again. “Cwayons don’t come on twees!”

“Well duh,” Roman rolled his eyes. “Not all of them at least. Otherwise they would all be named after trees. Crayons can show up anywhere.”

Vee’s eyes went wide and a giggle bubbled up in Roman’s chest, but he kept it there. It was cool to be smart. But it was even cooler to pretend you didn’t care about how smart you are—like Mommy! So Roman didn't pay attention to Vee’s reaction and just kept colouring and humming a song he heard in one of his cartoons.

“Anywhere?” Vee whispered after a bit.

Roman’s legs kicked and wriggled in the air behind him, but he kept looking at his drawing. Keeping it cool. “Yeah, Vee, didn’t you know that already?”

It went quiet for a while after that. The green crayon was making nice scratchy sounds as Roman coloured and his toothbrush was making nice crunchy sounds in his mouth. His gums were kinda hurting now, but he still wanted to chew his toothbrush so he just ignored it.

He nearly forgot what they were talking about before. That was until Vee tugged on his sleeve and Roman looked over at her.

“Where did they find this one?” Vee asked, shoving one of the pink crayons right under Roman’s nose. Her other hand tugged nervously at her pyjama shirt and her knees wiggled where she was sitting criss-cross-applesauce. She was looking at him like he was the cleverest person in the world, waiting for his answer.

A big smile stretched Roman’s lips (so big he had to take his toothbrush out!) and he grabbed the crayon quickly. He couldn’t keep Vee waiting, fae was depending on him!

He carefully read the label—’Jazzberry Jam’—then offered his wisdom. “Oh, that one’s easy. They found it in a jam jar.”

Vee’s mouth went in a little circle shape. “Ooh, like Mummy’s jam?”

“Yeah, exactly!”

“Wow!” Vee pulled the crayon close to her chest, kinda hugging it. “Does that mean it tastes like jam too?”

Roman’s throat felt tight because he wanted to laugh so bad. Keep it cool! “Why don’t you taste it and see?”

Even though Roman literally just told Vee to do it, he was still pretty surprised when Vee stuck out her tongue and dragged the crayon across it.

“What did it taste like?” he whispered with wide eyes. It was kind of exciting to think it might of tasted like jam!

Vee licked her lips and clicked her tongue. Then she pouted. “Jus’ like cwayon.”

“Aw, I thought it—uh, y-yeah, I knew it wouldn’t taste like jam,” Roman said, trying not to sound too disappointed. He shrugged his shoulders at Vee. “You need to check, y’know?”

Vee nodded solemnly. Then she hummed and started rifling through the other crayons she had left all over her scribbly paper.

“Mmm, what about… this one?”

Again, Roman accepted the crayon Vee held out to him and read the label. “Do you know what a carnation is?”

“Thas what Daddy gwows in the garden!”

“Yeah, so they found this crayon in one of Daddy’s flowers!”

“How d’you know that?”

“‘Cause it’s called Carnation Pink.”

“But how d’you know what it’s called?”

Roman sighed and pushed himself up from lying on the carpet. It was making his tummy hurt anyway. He swung his legs under him so he sat criss-cross-applesauce, and held the crayon up to Vee’s face.

“It says it on the label, see?”

Small, sticky fingers pulled Roman’s hand so close to Vee’s face that she went cross-eyed.

“Yuck, yuck,” Roman gasped and quickly pushed Vee’s hands off of his. He dropped the crayon on the floor and dragged his hand all over his pyjama shirt. The sticky melon juice made him feel gross! It made his head go jumbly and his fingers feel jittery. He whimpered and kicked his feet on the floor to try to shake off the ickies. “Vee, don’t get yucky stuff on me!” he whined.

Vee looked down at her hands confused. Then she giggled and held her palms up to Roman’s face. “Melon juice isn’t yucky!”

“It is! I don’t like it!” Roman cried, and didn’t like how his voice cracked. Tears suddenly made his eyes hot and burny, and he scrambled away from his baby sister.

Once he was a safe distance from the yucky, sticky melon juice, he hid his eyes behind his arm and squinted them tight real hard. One big, shaky breath. Another big, shaky breath. One more big, deep, steady breath. The tears were gone.

“Wo-Wo?”

After making sure he definitely wasn’t gonna cry like a baby anymore, Roman slowly looked over his arm to his sister.

Vee was hugging faer knees to faer chest and looking kinda scared. Fae pulled faer thumb out of faer mouth and whispered, “Weally sowwy for touchin’ you… Didn’t wanna make you cwy.”

“Am not!” Roman yelled, a bit too fast and a bit too loud and a bit too squeaky. His cheeks went hot. Then he tried to sound bigger and cooler. “I was—I was just focussin’ really hard.”

“Fucksin?”

Roman snorted loudly then hurriedly slapped his hand over his mouth. That made him feel a lot better already.

“Y-yeah, Vee,” he giggled, really hoping she used that word around Daddy later. That would be the funniest thing ever! “Yeah, I was ‘fucksin’ on, um… on the crayons!” He scooched back over to Vee. “I gotta focus real hard so I can read their names!”

“Weadin’?”

“Yeah, Vee, reading!”

That word made Vee really excited for some reason. Her hands started flapping and she squealed. “You a-a-a clever big kid!” she cheered excitedly and wiggled on her butt to sit closer next to Roman.

Roman’s chest went light and bubbly again! “Mhm, I’m a clever big kid ‘cause I can read!” He wanted to hold his little sister’s hand again, but it was yucky. So he put his arm around her and she put her head on his shoulder.

“A-a-a-a-am… A-a-a-a—” Vee cut herself off and growled a little. It was super small and soft though, like a kitten.

“You wanna try starting with a different word?”

Vee’s head nodded against him. “M-m-maybe I can wead too!”

Roman giggled. That was a silly idea! “Vee, you’re only a baby. Babies can’t read!”

“Not a baby wight now!” Vee looked up at Roman with her thumb between her lips and big pout.

“Oh yeah, I forgot,” Roman said, unconvinced. Then he frowned. “Hey, you’re not allowed to suck your thumb. Do you want your paci?”

Vee nodded but didn’t move or look any less grumpy, so Roman reached over and got it for her.

“There you go, baby,” Roman said when he pushed the sucky bit in Vee’s mouth. It made him giggle because she didn’t even realise he called her a baby.

“Fankoo,” Vee garbled around the paci.

Roman smiled. She was definitely a baby. But if she wanted to try reading then Roman could still be a good big brother and help her!

Luckily, the crayon Roman picked up from the carpet wasn’t sticky. He held it in front of Vee’s eyes again like the last one. “Okay, see there?” He pointed at the label. “It has letters on it, and that’s the name of the crayon! You just gotta read it out, then I can tell you where they found it.”

Vee took the crayon (gently this time) with a little hum.

“Can you tell me what it says, Titch?”

After a while of squinting at it, Vee tried to sound it out quietly. “M-m-mm… Ma… Mama?” 

That didn’t sound right.

“Can I see?” Roman held his hand out for the crayon.

Vee gave it to him then suckled faer paci real fast, staring at him. Waiting.

Roman read the label and blushed. “Um, you were close,” he giggled nervously. “It, um… It actually says ‘melon’.”

The paci made a pop sound when Vee pulled it out from her lips. “Wait, weally?”

“Yeah…” Roman smiled at his sister sheepishly. Then they both burst into giggles. How funny!

“Like our one!” Vee squealed.

The carpet went brush, brush, brush on Roman’s feet as he laughed. Nothing seemed so bad anymore! He barely even remembered why he was crying!

“I, um, I-I-I finished all my melon!” Roman bragged with a proud smile.

It was true! He was a big boy and he eated all his food and Daddy always told him how good that was. Which meant when he showed his empty plate to his caregivers later, they would definitely tell him how clever and well-behaved he was!

But Vee was only small, and that meant she had a smaller tummy. Roman could see Vee finished all her milk—that was her favourite—but there was still some melon and lots of cereal left on her plate. If Roman was gonna get told how good he was for eating his breakfast, he didn’t want Vee to miss out on it and be jealous!

“Vee-Vee, you gotta eat all yours too.”

Vee looked down at her plate, then back up at Roman with a pout. “All of it?” she whined.

Roman shrugged. He really didn’t care that much. “I dunno, just eat some.”

That cheered Vee up and she instantly smiled and reached for the food. Then her hand froze in mid-air.

“Wait…” She fidgeted with her pyjamas again. “Did you find any cwayons when you cut up the m-melon?”

Roman’s lips trembled with the effort not to laugh. He couldn’t let Vee think he was making fun of her.

“Nah, there weren’t any, I checked.” It made Vee’s shoulders relax… So Roman kept going, just ‘cause it was really fun. “They’re pretty rare actually—kinda like pearls in oysters. That’s why you probably haven’t seen any crayons growing in the wild before.”

Every word Roman said made Vee nod more strongly. “That makes sense,” she muttered, giving a final firm nod before grabbing a cube of watermelon without hesitation. With her bare fingers.

“Don’t you wanna use your baby fork?” Roman suggested with a grimace. It made Roman shiver just to look at the melon juice dripping all over Vee’s hands. He scooched further away from her.

Apparently Vee hadn’t heard Roman—or she just wanted to show him her answer instead of telling him. She squashed the melon against her mouth with her hand and held it there while she sucked it, looking at Roman with wide, innocent eyes. There was probably melon juice all over her face now. Gross!

“Okay, fine,” Roman sighed, picking his toothbrush back up and chewing it as he went back to his drawing. “Just don’t touch me or my drawing.”

oOo

Continues immediately in part 2! I just broke it up for readability and to give you a good place to take a break, get some water, go to the bathroom, and maybe even come back tomorrow if it's late for you and you're sleepy! The second chapter is a little longer and it will still be here when you're rested up <3

Take me to part 2!

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