#so itd be a miracle if i got through ONE post without asking her

[team-council-two]

hi hello :D hope y’all are having a wonderful day-

thank you so much for making this blog because holy shit it’s gonna be so helpful <3

how do you say “Jesus Christ” in French ? context being it’s an exasperated exclamation

1. Many thanks - Aschen

Always happy to help! Now shower us with prompts and questions :) - Ray

Aw hey, thanks a ton - Cosmas

alpha here !! have a nice day too ! Personally, I'm glad you think this'll be useful. I just hope you and other people alike will be ready for how fuckin utterly disgustingly verbose I am, as expected of the person of this blog assuming authority on questions regarding spy (and perhaps what little scout could hope to have of french), and I am wishing you to manage to extract some glimpses of useful informations from my endless blabber still. (i also would like to apologise for my... sporadic use of ' and caps. i unfortunately have spent a good part of my life imitating dave strider's typing style, for i am the mandatory homestuck fan per project.)

onto the point !

well, what a simple yet interesting question, which yet easily unfolds into quite the lot of considerations to ponder !

so see, i am already forced to explain a little french thing known as our special relationship with religion, or as i fondly call it, our hellbentness on loudly frothing at the mouth whenever the church and catholicism is mentionned and our tendency to enjoy concepts such as the guillautine and the séparation de l'état et de l'église (chuch state separation for you English speaking friends)

This love for our république and révolution influenced us culturally a lot. In short; we do not refer to god for much or anything, including for the use religion based cusses, simply because we were hellbent on removing the catholic church from as much of our life as possible. It wasnt just royalty ! (we had a toast in the honor of the english queens death btw). But, because there always is a but, these cusses and the like still exist in french, and Spy is still someone who lives around americans a lot. so im assuming hed do the same as me, aka pick up a lot of language habits that youd usually not develop as much. this DOES include using religious based speech despite it all. A common consequence is, even if you don't say oh mon dieu/mon dieu a lot usually, well… Live long enough in America, and you will. But, because of course, there's always a but ! we do this because they have strikingly similar connotations ! Both can be used for surprise, fear and exhaustion alike. So. Let me actually answer this.

First, Jésus Christ is how you say it in french but it's pronounced completely different, like jeh-zus creest. Second, that said its not one i'd quite use interchangeably, at least for this case. You see, not only it sounds awkward as fuck in French and would be a real tongue twister to say in the middle of an English sentence (Ray's post on switching from Russian to English being hard also applies to French), it also would be that French uses this one a bit more restrictively : it's a thing you say more for surprising situations rather than quite exhaustion. We can but it's not our first choice. (also, on a side note, doux Jésus, lit. sweet jesus, is precisely for pleasant surprises too, as well as fear bound surprise. On a similar vein, the exclamation "Jesus !" will more often than not be better translated by "Christ !", but it really is. um. a nun/old time thing. It really is not common.)

Ironically mon dieu/bon dieu would likely be more fitting, bon sang (bloody hell ? Except that it's just. literally good blood.) but only if you follow it with a full mocking sentence like "bon sang, you are so fucking stupid it baffles me !…" or something like "bon sang, mais c'est quoi ce bordel ?" for full on, jesus christ what is this shit ? yknow. you even can use bon sang de bon soir. This whole thing reads as much more firm and almost angry compared to what you want, likely, tho. The absolute fucking peak of tired exhaustion, which is what I assume you're going for ? a standalone "mon Dieu mon Dieu mon Dieu mon Dieu…" Complete with head shaking and rubbing your temples. Bonus for being a classic movie reference (le grand restaurant, any Louis de Funès fan here ? he might pop up a lot in what i refer to). "Doux Jésus de doux Jésus de doux Jésus…" also works the same, minus the cool reference. A good ole "oh putain" for when you realize sth is going fucky is good too, the classic "merde/et merde" also is commonly adviseable.

There are many options because despite Ray's insistance that French cussing is weak compared to Russian one, we do have an entire art of cussing a lot, cussing in specific ways and cussing in stupid and artful ways. please do not hesitate to provide more context and/or the paragraph in which this pops up. but overall ? since your audience will be in its majority either american, or french people used enough to american english, i wouldnt worry too much about jésus christ not being understood or noticed as an "error" despite its use being a tiny tiny bit different. This is overall nitpick. but hey ! Guess that's what we are here for.

[ol-razzle-dazazzle]

AH if you dont have too many requests already you know what would be cute. flower shop odazai. theres so little content for them and flower shop aus are the cutest and theres no death involved. i think itd be great in your writing style! thank you so much if you do it n__n

Amazing idea 100000/10 here you go~ 

I’m sorry I couldn’t stop myself from death, so while there’s a little bit of pain, it’s not entireeely there. Cute shenanigaggles and dorkiness tho. Fluff capacity reaching dandelion field levels. 

Also I wrote this to this lovely song covered by rachie so if y���all want a jam to listen to while you read your nerds click here

An Irregular Regular Customer

Flower shops were generally frivolous things. Of all the things life would take Odasaku, that of owning a flower shop was…unexpected to say the least. The meagre wage he managed to scrounge together in the midst of taking care of his children by some miracle managed to culminate to enough money to start a flower shop (even if it was uncomfortably close to the ‘seedy’ part of town). It was an overgrown house, downstairs held the shop itself and upstairs a lonely cramped room.

Taking care of plants was strangely therapudic, despite his morals of never hurting a human soul, trimming and mutilating stems and weeds served as a strange reminder. Flowers that, upon a slower week or unpopularity, wilted and fell. That even living a life alone made death never stop surrounding him.

Generally the shop was rather barren, devoid of customers aside from shady people in coats and small children that really shouldn’t be holding so much red in their hands. They came, got what they needed and left without a word setting the money on the counter. On occasion, there was an attempt to run or being held at gunpoint, but Odasaku was used to it. He just wanted to live without this burden of bloodshed.

Another man wordlessly strove in. Wrapped up even with the enveloping warmth of summer, admittedly it was a strange sight to behold. Wearing all black…it’s probably for a funeral. He seemed uncertain, his steps and glance was uncertain. A sigh. “I can’t decide…” It’s been a while since Odasaku heard a such a long sound.

“…Do you want some help?” He calls out.

“Ah, yes please!” A smile. Strange. The man’s face held a smile, a fake one Odasaku noticed, but one that was well practised.

“I’m going on a date!” HIs hands set at his hips, a proud smile. “And I don’t know what to get.”

Odasaku raised an eyebrow, it was rare such a request happened. Wait, wasn’t this normal for flower shops? He’s gotten way too detached from reality.

“What, am I that terrible that you can’t believe me?” The other gasps, his mood drooping in a rehearsed comedic way.

“Ah, no- I didn’t mean it like that.” Odasaku dismissed the thought with his hand. “For a first date, let’s see…”

“First? Goodness, do I look that much like a schoolboy?” He managed to laugh with almost everything he said.

“I-I didn’t mean to assume.”

“No, no- you’re right.” The other’s smile regains, “I’m going to meet with a stunning lady, by the shore.”

“Really? Good for you then.” The other seemed to have a distracted hint to his manner, Odasaku noted.  

“Should I get red roses? Or is that too cliché? Everyone gets that…maybe white? No, no…” He started getting more frantic. Recounting every single thing before him until he considered getting her a half-dead cactus.

“Maybe the little stalk on the window stall? Or the spider lily?”

Odasaku couldn’t help but snicker, “Didn’t you want some help?”

The other turns around, “Ah, right! What do you reckon?”

“Well… I don’t want to crush your spirit but just some roses are fine. A blend between red and pink should be fine. More casual, right?”

“The first choice the whole time!” He groaned, “Well thank you anyway…” He peers at Odasaku’s tag, “Odasaku.”

“You are going to pay right?” Odasaku stops him before he walks out the door.

“Ah, right right.” A bandaged hand sets  three tens on the table.

“Are you okay…?” The words spill out before he can stop them, clasping his mouth. You do not ask questions in this place.

“Hmm? Ah, I’m fine, fine~ I’m going on a date, even in this disarrayed state.” There’s a tremor to his smile, as he scoops the bouquet up and half-runs out of the store.

How strange…

Well, it’s not like Odasaku would see him again. It didn’t matter. It was strange to hear another voice, another laugh… It sounded rather nice.

He went to sleep, after watering five pots with overgrown but small white lilies, and flecks of blue.

*****

It was only the next day, but he came again, as if willed.

“Oh…how were the flowers?” Odasaku smiled, stirred out of his boredom.

“Ah, I need some more. I mean, they were gorgeous but…” He trailed off with a laugh.

“I’m sorry about that…” Odasaku murmurs, the other had a shudder to his movements, “Are you cold?”

“It’s fine, really!” He’s looking around the store, looking for something. A complete contrast to yesterday, he seemed to know exactly what he was looking for.

“Some spider lilies, if you please.”

“You those are…well, not suited for a date, that’s for sure.”

“Ahaha, the date was a failure, I know what I’m getting them for.” His eyes hid a hint of fear, his hands had a slight shake to them.

He really shouldn’t be involved in this…

“Ah…considering you aren’t coming here as a once-off, I was wondering what your name is..?” Oh god.

“Dazai.”

“Right…” Dazai kept looking down, smiling shakily to himself. “Look, I just need to replace the water on them, if that’s okay?” Odasaku called out.

“Ah, it’s fine- it’s just going to be thrown out anyway.”

“No, no- I pride myself on quality.” And unneccessary emotional attachment.

He held the set of stems, careful to not ruin the strands, glancing up at Dazai, fidgeting. Odasaku sighed, getting some thin blue flowers and threading them through the stem, before replacing the water and the box, making sure the plastic ruffles didn’t divulge the addition so easily.

“Here.”

And it passed. He wondered if tomorrow would end. He recognised that look, because he himself felt it- that despairing emptiness… He just hopes he doesn’t have to set another pot outside.

*****

It was a week. He had set out a pot, but decided not to fill it. No one else really came by, aside from some small girl who wanted some lavender to thread through her hair and seemed to almost drift…and another kid who wanted some sunflower seeds, of which he didn’t stock.

But he passed by again.

“…Thank you.”  

“Isn’t that what you’re supposed to say at the register?”

“Right…” He walked up, “Forget-me-nots, right?”

“You guessed it.” A finger gun. Wait, did he just do that? How many months has it been since he did that.

“…Can I have some hydrangeas?”

“Oh…sure thing.”

“I can’t really go to the sea as much anymore…so I figured hydra-ngeas would be good.”

Did he just…Before Odasaku notices it, he’s laughing. “That is a terrible, terrible joke.”

“It made you laugh though.”

The smile seemed to bloom again.

*****

And things went on normally, he had Dazai as a regular, every week asking for some different kind. The two usually talked, and Odasaku found himself looking forward to his voice, his smile, his laugh… blooming more and more with each week.

It didn’t really make sense for him to come so often, but it made Odasaku happy.

The usual time of usual afternoon felt no such person stride through the door.

A soft knock at the door. “Uh…I’m not really sure if this make sense, but some weirdo wants you to come outside.” Some confused, baffled passerby, who left upon merely giving the message.

Odasaku stepped outside, and saw some flowers on the gutter. A whole heap, in fact. Like jeez, half of them were already dead.

“O-Okay that didn’t work…Okay Plan B.” That voice again… Dazai’s at the door.

“Are you slacking off? Such a delinquent…” He chuckles, at Odasaku rushing back to his post.

“Sorry about that, I didn’t think anyone would come today.” Odasaku gave a small smile.

“Well, of course I would!” Dazai had already memorised the configuration of the shop, scooping up a bouquet of…

“Red roses?”

“Yep.”

Odasaku’s eyes widened, “Oh nice, you got another date?”

“You…could say that.” That smile could make Odasaku melt.

“Well, alright then- hey, you are supposed to pay for those!”

“It’s my Plan B!”

Odasaku sighed…for about two seconds.

The door opened again. Dazai was there.

He strode up, clearing his throat. “These are for you.”

“Yes I know that.”

“Not /from/ you!”

“But they are! You stole them!”

“I’m giving them back! It was two seconds!”

“So you should.”

“…Here.”

“…Why would you steal them for two seconds?”

“Seriously…” He sighed, chuckling. “They’re for you.” He set some money on the table. “I have paid for these, and have given them to you, because doing some nostalgic thing of getting every single flower I got from you was severely impractical and I’m cleaning it up but…” Dazai leans over the counter, setting his lips against Odasaku’s.

They’re both a blushing mess.

“I appreciate the gesture but…please, please clean the scattered petals before the wind comes along…” Odasaku buries his hand in his face. This is the best kind of hopelessness.

*****

And the pot no longer lingered, replaced by a man beside Odasaku’s bed.