#so yeah of course she's going to think about elain's trauma relative to herself

[theladyofbloodshed]

Elain saying this downright nasty line to Nesta when she's at her lowest

“I went into the Cauldron, too, you know. And it captured me. And yet somehow all you think of is what my trauma did to you.”

Remember this scene from acomaf?

“It is your choice, ladies, whether you wish to remain here, or come with us. You have heard the situation at hand. You have done the math about an evacuation.” A nod of approval as he met Nesta’s gray-blue stare. “Should you choose to remain, a unit of my soldiers will be here within the hour to guard this place. Should you wish to come live with us in that city we just showed them, I’d suggest packing now.” Nesta looked to Elain, still silent and wide-eyed. The tea she’d prepared—the finest, most exotic tea money could buy—sat undisturbed on the table. Elain thumbed the iron ring on her finger. “It is your choice,” Nesta said with unusual gentleness. For her, Nesta would go to Prythian. Elain swallowed, a doe caught in a snare. “I—I can’t. I …”

Elain seems to forget that she stayed in the mortal lands for a guy and her sister stayed in the mortal lands for HER. Nesta gave up her chance of safety in Velaris to stay with Elain - but Elain feels absolutely no guilt. Elain spouts this completely tone deaf line that Nesta forget she went in the Cauldron when the only reason Nesta remained was FOR ELAIN. Nesta attacked the Cauldron and was saddled with powers that make her a target for Elain. She went in the Cauldron because she chose Elain over safety.

[illyriantremors]

1/3 Okay, I'm going to try this again. Sorry if I repeat myself? I don't remember exactly what I said! Anyway, I think Feyre DID feel the mate bond, however she didn't register what it was. Remember, she had been basically TORTURED for months – and then abused both emotionally and mentally. Yet she was still clinging to this GUILT that she was a traitor for catching these feelings for Rhys. That would give anybody a reason to conceal their emotions, and to AVOID thinking about it.

2/3 Which could mean that she did not mention in her thoughts, so as to not give that thought any power/control over her. Similar to Rhys, who completely BANISHED the thought that she was his mate in fear that she would be done "such unspeakable things". I even think she was AFRAID of what it meant. Afraid of being 'chained' and 'trapped' with somebody for eternity. Mid-through ACOMAF, she's still figuring out what the abuse she received DID to her and why it could NEVER happen again.

3/3 It gives her the right to be concerned about being with somebody for forever. Rhys WAS her friend – but Tamlin WAS her first real love, too, and he definitely hurt her. A lot. So when she began catching these feelings for Rhys, she must have felt guilty because of Tamlin, and because of how STRONG her feelings were. I'm sure the mating bond magnifies those sort of feelings, which explains how she fell in love with Rhys in a relatively short amount of time for immortals. So I

4/4 think, despite everything sort of pointing towards the fact that she must NOT have felt the mating bond/not as strong as Rhys did, I'm sure she did. At first, her suffering enabled her from doing much other than... suffer, and then eventually I believe sometimes the feelings she describes ARE of a mating bond, and that she simply doesn't realize it. Thoughts?

Yay!! All of these messages came through, woo-hoo! :)

I think you bring up some really great points. But I also think we’re sort of looking at two different issues here and I think I probably need to sort of separate out what I mean by she doesn’t “feel” the mate bond.

Definitely you’re right - Feyre is aware of the bond and just doesn’t know what it is. But how much of it is she really aware of? When I say that Feyre doesn’t feel the bond, I mean she doesn’t see it, does live it, does breathe it the way that Rhys does. For Rhys, he feels the bond lock in to place for him on that balcony at the end of ACOTAR. This never happens for Feyre until they sleep together That’s the first time she sees and feels the bond as a tangible thing. And it’s that difference that bothers me. Like why would it take her so long for it to click or if it doesn’t click, she should at least be questioning some things? I mean, it’s a powerful feeling and Rhys is consumed by it, but Feyre isn’t? But then again, maybe it’s more potent because it clicked for him and not for Feyre, but like why was it so easy for him to have it click when he’s been under just as much duress/suffering/abuse as she has? Is it really just the simple fact that his 500+ years make considering a mate bond instinctual whereas Feyre’s 19/20 human years have no clue about mate bonds? I think that’s a poor excuse, personally, given how powerful the feeling of the bond is, but anyway, text...

When I went to leave you... I think transforming you into Fae made the bond lock into place permanently. I’d known it existed, but it hit me then - hit me so strong that I panicked.

- Rhys, page 527, ACOMAF [describing seeing Feyre on the balcony at the end of ACOTAR]

Again, he pulled out, then thrust in.

“You’re mine.”

Again - faster, deeper this time.

I felt it then, the bond between us, like an unbreakable chain, like an undimmable ray of light.

With each pounding stroke, the bond glowed clearer and brighter and stronger.

- Feyre, page 533, ACOMAF [55 - you know the one]

Rhys knew about the bond beforehand, just like Feyre. Feyre sort of... didn’t.

Yes, Feyre feels the bond between them in a shallow sense - Rhys uses it to “call” her, send emotions to her, etc. But she never really feels it or sees it for what it is. The mate scene continues off this passage and shows how that bond becomes clearer to her because in that moment - they’re mating officially, so of course now she gets it in full force. But I think right before it does, Feyre finally has her ah-ha! moment like Rhys did on that balcony. That is what is missing for me in her story, the fact that Rhys has felt that full weight of the bond pressing in on him for so much longer. Feyre felt it when she died (she tells the Bone Carver this) and she feels it again - blatantly uses it - when Rhys gets shot out of the sky. But it doesn’t quite lock into place the way Rhys describes at any point and once both those moments are over, she goes back to not knowing.

And I just... ????? Why? It seems so unfair. Rhys has just as much baggage in his life to distract him, yet he knows the second he meets her on Calanmai! I don’t expect Feyre to know right away or anything - she is human and wouldn’t be looking for a mate bond, but at no single point between then and the Suriel does the bond overwhelm her to the point that she wises up a tad? They talk about mate bonds periodically and she never once wonders? Never once thinks about Rhys’s parents and goes, “Funny how she almost died and a mate bond saved her life... NOT UNLIKE ME.” I just wish she was slightly more cognizant of it.

And I think it’s hard because definitely there are moments throughout ACOMAF where she senses Rhys and picks up on certain things about him. But how much of that is the bond? How much is the bargain? That surely confused her too. I think she writes a lot of their interactions off on the bargain and unfortunately, there are things in the Hybern scene that give some of those suspicions validity (in my opinion). I feel like these two are so hard for a mate bond study because the bargain and the damaeti aspects make the bond so convoluted.

And you are right! You are so, so, so incredibly right that Feyre is SUPER DISTRACTED and coming out of a lot of trauma! If you removed Tamlin and the abuse and the things that she endured UtM, and then placed her in a setting with Rhys that didn’t have so many risks and constraints and old emotions tied up in it, maybe yeah she would have seen it faster and actually felt it lock in place.

As far as guilt holding Feyre back goes - yes and no. I think it holds her back from loving Rhys for sure. She narrates this multiple times. And if holding herself back from loving him means she is held back from the bond, so be it. But again, Rhys felt that bond before he ever fell in love with her (Calanmai), so I’m inclined to think that the guilt was less to do with the bond itself. But yeah, it totally stops her from loving him in moments.

That guilt also wasn’t there in the early Velaris/Night Court chapters. She still hated Rhys at that point (and in some spots, swap the hate for just strong dislike to eventual neutrality before we get to the falling in love portion). I think Feyre did have guilt in those chapters, but she wasn’t in love with Rhys so I think it was more guilt that she left Tamlin at all, which leaves her open to that mate bond again and she doesn’t feel it dang it. But as you pointed out - she’s under a lot of stress and pressure and so yeah, totally distracted! All I can think is that it’s the distractions coupled with the damaeti power coupled with the bargain coupled with her human awareness/knowledge that prevent her from seeing it and it eventually clicking! into place.

BUT I AM STILL BOTHERED BY IT BECAUSE THE ONLY DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THAT AND RHYS IS THAT RHYS HAD A FAE UPBRINGING THAT TAUGHT HIM ABOUT MATE BONDS. [Not yelling at you, nonnie. Just yelling because *frustrated*]

Like - they literally are in the same boat and yes, Rhys is way more experienced and aware in general of fae things, but... Feyre, why? I don’t know. Maybe I’m hard on her, but I’ll be curious when we see more of Elain what happens.

TL;DR I have too many questions about mate bonds and not enough answers. I think that for as much as Feyre grows and recovers in ACOMAF, it’s odd that she never once questions the things she’s feeling and that she’s not able to feel the bond click! like Rhys until they’re basically boning when he felt it at the drop of a hat. Whether her human head knows about a mate bond or not, if a bond clicks, it clicks and that’s that even if you don’t know what to call it. I just feel like this should have happened for Feyre without having to be told or whatever. And even once the Suriel tells her - she still doesn’t feel it. She runs away, yes, but still it takes her getting naked with him instead of seeing it when she returned to the cave and saw her mate dying right in front of her or when he shows up on her doorstep at the cabin and bawls their love story out at the kitchen table for several pages of the most heartbreaking angst ever - FEYRE WHY DIDN’T IT EVER SNAP FOR YOU BEFORE THE SEX WHY WHY WHY DO YOU NEED AN ORGASM BEFORE THE CLICKING CAN HAPPEN - OH WAIT YOU TRIED THAT IN THE INN AND EVEN THEN THE MATE BOND WAS LIKE SCREW YOU NOT GONNA HAPPEN LIKE IT JUST HAPPENED FOR RHYS HE HAD NO CONTROL IT JUST HAPPENED FOR HIS PARENTS TOO THEY HAD NO CONTROL BUT THEY FELT THE BOND CLICK AND THEY WERE DONE FOR SO WHY NOT YOU TOO??!?!

I feel like this got really incoherent, i just... *sigh*, It seems like something you can't control? Even if you don't know it's a mate bond, like it seems like you see the person, you feel the thing, you're screwed, but Feyre's just like nahhhhhh, I feel no things, like she feels things but never the THING, the interlocking thing in her stomach that makes her physically stumble backwards and take a breathe, that tells her that her very soul has just been reorganized. If Rhys’s parents can have that happen to them having never ever met in their lives, no love between them, no relationship, nothing, then why isn’t Feyre compelled by the universe to feel it too?

Sorry. I have a lot of feels about this.

xx