#some implied blackhands and steddyhands in this but no major detail

[izzy-b-hands]

An odd little modern au thing with izzy doing a solid for mary and doug during an emergency, in the process pissing off stede leading to a stede and mary argument, which lands izzy in explaining his own near death experiences while babysitting the kids bc mary won't call stede and ed for it while pissed at stede. It gets wildly serious and sad, but i also tried to keep my own death positivity vibe in there, in that yes death can be scary, but it doesn't have to be and you can sit safely with your fear.

is genuinely the easiest way to describe this odd thing.

Fun fact: all of the described experiences i gave izzy belong to myself or other family members! We have a joke of the [our last name, my maternal grandfather's last name] curse as a result! sometimes it doesn't feel that much like a joke lmao

anyway: TW for multiple medical emergencies (two appendix related and two severe allergic reactions), detailed descriptions of near death experiences. Brief mention of beliefs, but v general in nature.

---

"We're in your debt," Mary smiles and hands over a sobbing Louis. "I'll call as soon as we get there."

They speed off with Alma in the backseat of the car, leaving Izzy and Louis in the dark front yard together.

"My appendix didn't kill me," Izzy remarks, after a moment of patting Louis' back hoping for a break in the hysterical sobs. "Your sister's won't kill her either. I promise."

Dangerous promise, considering they'd been sent back from the doctor multiple times over the week over the exact pain that had made Alma pass out now.

He winds up essentially wearing Louis with how the kid clings to him. It's not unlike a possum baby clinging to a parent, and it would be sweet if it wasn't actually painful.

So he sits on the couch and lets him cry and vent out everything he's worried will happen to his sister until finally, Louis sleeps.

--

"She's okay," Mary says. "Back home as of today, actually."

Stede narrows his eyes. "And I'm only finding all of this out today because..."

"Because she nearly died, Stede, and we've been a bit preoccupied with that!"

"I understand, but she's my daughter too and I could have helped look after Louis! Surely he didn't enjoy being there for all that."

"Izzy looked after him. Has on and off while Doug and I took turns staying with Alma."

"You called him first?" Stede knows he's being a touch dramatic. But he's also just found out how close their oldest was to death, all over an improperly diagnosed appendix that burst, in all of five minutes of arriving for their weekly group dinner.

"He doesn't have kids or a partner that stays with him usually, so I thought he wouldn't mind being bothered, and he's helped babysit the kids before," Mary splutters. "Stede, we were panicking, and it was one in the fucking morning and I couldn't wake her up! Forgive me for just hitting the first name in my contacts list that seemed a good choice!"

"Okay," Doug says softly after a beat. "I'm gonna put out dinner for the kids. Ed, can you help these guys get to the theater room? The kids know to join us after they eat."

"We should go," Stede says. "Izzy might be available though. He's usually sitting home alone anyway."

"Stede," Ed hisses. "Come on. Let's at least talk to them-"

"No! I'm always the one suggesting talking, and no one else ever wants to! Now it's my turn to say no to it!"

"As if you would have done any better had this happened on one of your weekends," Mary scoffs, and sniffles. "Fuck off then. Ed, we'll try again next week, and I'll box some of this up for you to take home. You don't have to share it with him though."

"Mary, I didn't mean-"

"I know," she says bluntly. "I don't care right now. Both of you, get the fuck out of my house."

"The house I insisted you take in the divorce."

"Stede," Ed's hand carefully but firmly grabs his arm. "Enough."

He's right.

They walk back out and get a wave in at the kids from the front window.

--

"I can," Izzy replies. "Are Stede and Ed out of town again? They didn't mention-"

"Please don't bring them up right now," Mary interrupts, voice tinny through his old flip phone's speaker. "To us or the kids. We're... it's just a rough patch we're working through."

"Understood. Anything Alma shouldn't be doing yet?"

"She's got permission to sit and watch TV, or read, but no physical running around yet," Mary sighs. "She's giving her doctor grey hairs."

"That just means she's feeling better."

He heads over a half hour later, a little earlier than Mary had requested. It gives him time to think about what the fuck might constitute a 'rough patch', and to call Ed to ask.

"Stede is furious that she called you instead of us," Ed says plainly. "And I mean...I see both their sides. I think they'll see that too, eventually. Doug does already, so he and I have been in contact trying to help mend the bridge."

"Is that him?!" is shouted in the background.

"Yes, he had a question for me," Ed replies. "I'd better go. The kids like you; just act like everything is normal and it'll be fine."

He's right, up until Mary and Doug drive away from the house and towards their restaurant reservation, and Louis bursts into tears.

"Awful early for that," Izzy groans and picks him up. "What are we going to do when you get too big for that?"

"Lift weights," Louis grumbles and sniffles into his shoulder.

Inside he finally is able to shed his leather jacket and Louis, though the latter is immediately back at his side.

"Alma keeps saying she isn't going to die now. I don't believe her."

"Wouldn't she know best if she was about to?"

Louis blinks. "Oh."

He takes the opportunity to lead Louis to Alma's room, though per usual, she's fine.

Sat in bed, reading, headphones on-

With a book entitled Near Death Experiences and You.

"Oh," Izzy sighs.

--

"Have you ever almost died?"

"You know, these taste better because they're shaped like faces," he's spent the entire dinner of dinosaur chicken nuggets and smiley face chips like this, trying to avoid actively discussing death while Alma asked the same death-related questions.

"You're avoiding the question," she says.

"He's not dead, so what does it matter?" Louis asks. "The smiley face ones are my favourite, even though Mum says they aren't healthy."

"They're potatoes; that's a vegetable and that's healthy enough."

"That's what I said!"

"Izzy!"

Alma slams a hand against the table top. "I want to know!"

"And that's fair enough, but would Mum or Dad let you act like that? Or Ed or Doug?"

She blinks. "No. Sorry."

"Eat your dinner. After that, we can talk. Louis, you can stay up for that if you like. But I leave it up to you."

To his surprise, Louis walks into the living room with them after dessert.

"Have I ever nearly died?" Izzy repeats aloud as they settle beside him on the couch. "Yes. More than once."

"When, and how?" Alma asks. "What did you see? You know, during..."

"Are you sure this is actually something you want to hear?"

She nods. "I don't...I keep reading about it and looking it up online because I don't know...for me, it was..."

She gives him a pleading look as her words trail off.

"Not sure what it was or how to explain it?"

She nods again.

"Okay. Well, the first was when I was all of two years old. My mum had to tell me this one, of course, so I can't exactly give details of how it felt. Bad, I'm sure."

Alma looks horrified. "Two?"

"I was given an almond and a few other mixed nuts by my grandmother; my first time ever eating them," Izzy continues. "Turns out I'm allergic at varying levels to all of them. Bad enough with some that my throat swelled and I wound up in hospital."

"And they said you almost died?"

"I did. Mum, grandparents have all confirmed my lips were blue by the time they got me there. But I was so young that I don't remember it beyond what they've told me."

"That's why you have Epi-Pens," Louis remarks. "I thought maybe it was for something cooler."

"Louis!"

"It's okay," Izzy smiles. "He's right. They should be for something cooler, but no. Just in case I accidentally get given a walnut and don't realise it."

"You said your appendix didn't kill you," Louis says. "Was that another time?"

"It was! My first year working with Ed, both in our early twenties and in the ship yard together. I insisted I only had a stomachache, and the doctor the company called in agreed. Ed was the one who protested and finally dragged me to the hospital himself."

"Had it burst by then?" Alma asks.

"It did right about as he got me in the door of the hospital, actually. But they didn't believe us, so I sat in the waiting area for hours. Then, once they had me admitted, they still didn't believe me and had me waiting for all sorts of tests."

"How long?"

"Believe it or not, days. Ed tells me three, because by then, we later found out, I had gone septic. So I don't have a lot of detail on that either, except for the surgery itself."

"Holy fuck," Alma breathes.

"Language," Izzy murmurs.

"Pot meet kettle."

"Okay, fair enough. Anyway, during the surgery, and remember, we don't actually know what happens during all of this, or after. Everyone believes what they believe, and that's fine. Belief isn't...what you need everyone to know to prove a point about things, like what happens after death. It's for your own comfort and life, yeah?"

"Sure," Alma says. "What did you see?!"

"I...did see a light. No tunnel nonsense, just a light. And I felt very calm, even though I could register that people were rushing around me, operating on me finally. I thought of Ed, and it was like there was something of me away from my body, sitting there beside him in the waiting room. Jack had come by then and was comforting him and I kept trying to get him to look at me, but he wouldn't-"

It occurs to him that he's started to cry. "Sorry. Um, yeah, but then suddenly I was awake and on the operating table and in the worst pain of my life. They got me sewed up after that, and then finally I was given proper pain meds while I recovered. But I was dead for a few minutes per the surgeon."

Alma nods.

"You okay?"

"Is there more?"

"Yeah."

"Jesus christ."

Izzy snorts. "That's about how it feels, honestly. There's a quote about that, about being someone who did not die when they should have died..."

"That's how it feels," Alma says softly.

"You want to talk about what happened?"

"Can I hear the rest of yours first?"

"Sure."

Louis crawls into his lap and snuggles.

"You want to hear the rest? If not, I can take you up to your room."

"I'll stay," Louis replies. "You're really unlucky, huh?"

"That's one way of putting it. But...the one after that, you guys don't need to hear about. Not yet at least. I was a teenager and it was stupid and...maybe in a few years."

"I guess," Alma says.

"The next one was just another allergic reaction."

"Just another one," her eyes roll. "Right."

"That was...I was nearly thirty then. Ate a couple of chocolates that had massive amounts of pecan in them, but I didn't know that. Didn't have my Epi-Pens at that point in my life, so I took some over the counter allergy medicine and tried to carry on. Don't do that, if either of you ever wind up in that situation."

She just stares. Understandable, because no one he's told about this one has ever had any other reaction.

"Eventually, my body tried to make me sick anyway it could, to get it out, all the while my throat swelled. I finally broke down and called Ed for help. By then I was at the oddly calm stage, even though my body was still trying so hard to make me sick. Laying on my bathroom floor, feverish, not realising at all how bad it was, feeling utterly outside of myself-"

Alma grabs his arm. "That. I felt like I was watching myself!"

"I'm sorry. You shouldn't have had to experience that."

"What happened next?" Louis asks. "Did Ed get there in time?"

"No, he died," Alma snaps.

"No!"

"Alma," Izzy chuckles. "He did. He found me there in my bathroom, called the emergency line and asked what to do, then drove me to the ED and stayed with me while they..."

He pauses. "Wow. While they tried to keep me breathing. Anyway, one panic attack over them inserting an IV later, I was being pumped full of epinephrine and benadryl and some other things I don't remember and was feeling much better. Left the ED a few hours later, actually."

Alma frowns. "They wanted you to leave?"

"They did. Said I was good. I felt horrible the next few weeks after, and my sensitivity to those allergies is even worse now, but otherwise I was fine."

Louis yawns. "You need to stop almost dying."

"I'll do my best."

"I could hear Doug crying."

Izzy lets Alma take his hand.

"But I knew he was with Mum a bunch of rooms away, so I shouldn't be able to hear him. Also, Mum knows a lot more swear words than I realised. I think she made some up, because she kept going after the doctor that said I was fine."

"You need to tell your Mum and Doug this too," he says. "They should know, and they can help with this."

She nods. "I'm sort of tired. Can we go to bed?"

"I think your brother is drooling on me."

"He is. It's really gross."

--

He makes it home by midnight, but he doesn't sleep.

It isn't exactly a bothersome thing, to talk about each experience. He has to at various doctor visits now and again anyway.

But he's unsettled all the same.

"Ed?"

"No," is the icy reply.

"Sorry, I'll-"

"Alma said you did a good job tonight. Texted me earlier. Said to be nicer to you because you keep nearly dying. Is that true?"

Izzy sighs and chuckles. "Do you have an evening to hear about it?"

"I suppose I do. Ed and I are still awake, and staying up if you want-"

"I'll be there in five."