#someday i won't be in grad school anymore & i'll have to be annoying about something else but until then :)

[girderednerve]

i've come up with a cool new plan for fixing the digital divide, let's all go downtown & start smashing servers. bring a big old magnet. narrow the gap from the other side for a change!

[linksayshyaaaaaahh]

Life is strange. Reflecting on the end of the year and all the change I have endured. Overall, I'm really happy.

I got a 4.0 my first semester of grad school. I had an interview for a professional staff job and even though I didn't get the job as an academic advisor for the college of business I know that the opportunity meant for me will come at the right time. I got such good experience for interviews later and overall the committee loved me.

I have healed so much in so little time. For the first time in my life I don't feel burdened by the pain have always carried. I'm..not depressed anymore. I can regulate my emotions. My counselor is so proud of me because things that used to destroy me I now can let myself feel, grieve, be angry, sad and then I let them go. I'm working hard to heal with my family. I'm letting go of the things that can't be erased, but they can be fixed. Even if it is with some duct tape.

I have heavy feelings for someone that supports me just as much as I support him. He anticipates my needs and though we have really good communication sometimes we don't even have to say things for the other to understand. I have never had someone be so observant to understand me. Sometimes we argue just to argue. No one pisses me off just as much as they make me laugh my ass off like he does. Sometimes I want to punch him in the face. But he also will just act like a child with me sometimes and then right when I need it make me feel strong. He calls me out for making excuses. He pushes me to be the person he knows I can be. He doesn't treat me like I'm weak or fragile. Sometimes he gives me the tough love I need. He'll run to me when I need it and sometimes I don't know what I need but he just does it. He's fucking ANNOYING, but I'm just as annoying to him. We push each others buttons and honestly it's hilarious. It feels nice, things are going very very slowly. On account I'm working through a breakup and need to be single. He needs to figure things out for himself. But I'm glad we have eachother. He motivates me to want to be more. He also drives me nuts and I swear to got I'll beat his ass someday. But he'll like it or something lol

I have learned so much about loving people. I made someone feel like there weren't enough. I was made to feel like I was asking for too much. But when you have the right person you won't feel that way. Because they'll meet your needs without having to be asked. It'll just BE compatible. We all deserve to feel easy to be loved. Even if this doesn't turn into something, I know there are people who can make me feel easy to love. That I am 100% capable of being loved. I just have to find the right people.

I have a lot of people to be thankful for, that have helped me get to this point. I can only wish them all the best and always appreciate that they were a part of my becoming. All that I have went through, all that I have met, were a part of shaping who I am. Thank you to the people that got me through 2020, 2021, through life. Life is crazy and strange but has so much to offer. Chase every opportunity, especially the ones that scare you.

I hope 2022 is kind to you.