#someone mentioned a queerplatonic context for them and i'm here for it

[maximumdante]

I hope, after Damon's photos and after this interview not to hear Jan and Nace's names along with the word "fanservice" never again.

[btsandvmin]

It honestly makes sense why vmin would act weird/ or trying to convince people (or themselves lol) that their friendship is simply just what it is nothing more. They know each inside out fgs, things their own family, probably fellow members doesn't even know to a point, when vmin got older they simply became awkward / odd around each other. Although I'm obviously here all open to any theory about them, in the back of my mind I kind of doubt they would be involved romantically

Why would they have to convince themselves or others that here is nothing more though? Like either there is or there isn’t or you feel unsure. But if you feel unsure I would say that likely means there is “something”. There are plenty of people who are very very close best friends and are perfectly fine with that label. Or platonic soulmates that use that as well of course. Vmin themslves chose the label soulmates and even sang it in a song. That’s a strong word. If they are awkward why do something that basically makes the focus on their relationship as special even clearer.

My point is that why would they do that and other things that go into queerplatonic areas if they at the same time want to “convince” themselves or others that their friendship is just what it is and nothing more? It’s a contradiction to me.

I don’t see any reason to “become odd” if they still maintain the same relationship of close best friends that they have always had. There are many many idols that are way more open and act a lot “worse” than Vmin. Of course their personalities play a part too, but neither of them seem to have the same problem with other memebers as they have with each other. And again, they don’t seem to always have these awkward moments with each other either, it seem to depend on the context quite often.

I could maybe see a reason in holding back a bit for cameras just for the sake of not showing things they know people might interpret the wrong way... But even so acting odd or avoiding things like Vlives or being stiff when touching at times seem a bit extreme (assuming these things would be tied to Vmin’s bond to begin with) if they really just are best friends. It should be easy and fun.

I am not saying they have to be involved romantically, but I also fail to see why they would feel a need to actively convince themselves or others that they really are just friends. And to write a song like “Friends” would definitely not be the way to do that either as they basically openly label themselves as special with the term soulmate.

Again, of course their weirdness is just how we interpret things and they could have their reasons for not having done any vlives etc, but looking at them I personally see some weird behaviors that I don’t know why they are there. 

Vmin feeling something for each other is a possible explenation, but I am sure there could be many other reasons as well. I just don’t really agree with you saying them “being weird makes sense” and that they just became odd as they grew older and that they would try to convince themselves or others that there is nothing more than friendship between them. Because most of the time if you know someone for a long time and your relationship or behavior change, it does so for some reason. It could be outside reasons, doesn’t have to be something strictly between Vmin, but considering a lot of the things that got weird seem to be mostly between them I wonder if something in their relationship might have changed at some point. Or that the way they show their realtionship might have changed for some reason. Getting feelings, or even getting involved in some way could be one such reason. Especially considering the things we have from Vmin in regards to their relationship changing etc. and it seemingly being for the better and making them closer. Saying you got closer to your best friend and going on to call them your soulmate to me would indicate getting closer and more comfortable rather than suddenly starting to act odd. This is one speculation on why from me. 

But we as usual are missing a lot of pieces, not to mention we don’t even know if some of the pieces we have is to the correct puzzle. (Meaning we can’t even know if our interpretation of Vmin being weird are actually true or just exaggeration or over anlyzing.) Anyways, your view confused me a bit... But I hope you understood my reply and that I didn’t completely misunderstand you.

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Hello! I was wondering if you had any advice for my scenario: I don't think I am anything but heterosexual (most of my crushes have been women) but I think I might be potentially interested in my best friend (to give a description, he's gay himself)? I dunno, I think about the possibility and I'm not entirely adverse to the idea. I remember even cuddling with him and liking it. I don't know what to do or how to feel. Any advice?

Hi Nonny!

First of all, it’s totally okay to be confused about who you are and what you’re feeling: despite what the media and bigots want you to believe, sexuality is fluid and sometimes it really is “straight with an exception” as cringy as some people make that out to be. 

Second of all, I’m not an expert, so this is my disclaimer to say that take my words with a grain of salt; I have never had any serious relationship in my life, but I’ve spent endless hours consoling my friends with my thoughts, so hopefully that will help you

Finally, I’m assuming you are self-identified as a male since you do offer a pronoun for your friend, and given the context of the wording of this ask, it’s the deduction I’m making here.

Now that that’s all done and done: IT’S OKAY. Sometimes, we discover things late in life about ourselves *coughs* either due to environment or our own ignorance, and when we take a moment to sit down and self reflect, the whole world suddenly clicks. It IS a scary thing to think you’re one thing but as our understanding of sexuality continues to expand pretty much daily, the more everything starts to make sense. Lovely, it could be anything from just feeling comfortable around your friend to actual attraction. I think with men, it’s difficult to parse those feelings because you guys are forced to not engage in them because “it’s not manly” or “you’re such a girl if you do” (which I don’t understand why that’s an insult but go off I guess). For that reason, my heart hurts for guys because societal norms dictate that you aren’t allowed to discover yourself. It’s slowly getting better, but there’s still a lot of work to do. 

So in that sense, Nonny, I understand why you may be confused and unsure, especially if you may have been brought up to bottle up those feelings or to not be allowed to self-reflect. I’m here to tell you: IT’S OKAY. Be emotional. YOU ARE HUMAN, and as such, we are emotional creatures. I’d rather you cry and talk about them than bottle up your emotions to a point where they convert into anger and bitterness.

So, back to your question after my little tangent there. I’m NOT going to label you, Lovely, that’s not my place, but many-a-people I’ve talked to mention similar feelings when realizing that they were bi- or pan- romantic/sexual, and only realized it later BECAUSE they were in similar situations or escaped confining lives that shunned anything other than the heteronormative.

Sexuality is a GINORMOUS scale that ranges from “not at all”(sexuality) to “very very”(sexuality) and there’s so much in between that, that it’s PERFECTLY NORMAL to possibly be “straight with an exception” if THAT’S the label YOU choose for yourself. I’m not going to tell you “nope, you’re bi, sorry”. That’s not my place. You know yourself better than some rando blogger on the internet, LOL. THAT SAID Lovely, I am going to encourage you to at least sit down and do a LOT of internal self-reflection, and reading up on sexuality on Wikipedia, or, just doing a bit of Googling I found the Bisexuality Resource Centre and I don’t know what its reputation is amongst other bis, but just like AVEN helped me as a STARTING POINT to understanding who I am, perhaps that site will also help you as you begin this journey. From there, like I did, you’ll find some terms and other books you can read and Google and begin to formulate your own opinions and understanding about you. Here’s an interesting article on wikiHow that talks about trying to define friendship from romantic feelings. And another one here from Psychology Today on Platonic love. 

So, where does that leave you with your friend, then? I think it’s important for me to note here that it’s VERY IMPORTANT that through your journey, you NEED to also take your friend’s feelings into consideration; PLEASE don’t lead him on if you have no intention of following through. It’s very possible that you and your best friend are just SO comfortable with each other that seeking physical contact is y’all’s way of expressing your appreciation and platonic love for each other. Chances are good, depending on where you live, that he feels constantly on-guard when he’s in public and when he’s with his family, so letting his guard down around you is a high honour that you should NOT exploit. Cuddle and hug, there’s nothing wrong with that; there IS such a thing and queerplatonic life partners / relationships (my best friends have this very thing, in fact), and you guys could love each other very much and get everything you need out of a relationship without sex.

Here’s where it gets tricky and scary, though, Lovely, and it may be better to address it before it morphs into something that will irreparably damage your friendship. I think in this case it may be worth talking to your friend about your confusion, but don’t necessarily say it’s because of him. Express to him that you’ve been having some feelings lately that you’re not sure about, and you’re currently trying to learn about yourself and his opinions and strength will be valued. If he is your best friend, he will encourage you and be a shoulder for you while you navigate your emotions. He should be able to provide you with that “in the know” knowledge of how you can understand yourself so that you will be happier and less confused. Men so often don’t talk about their feelings, and trust me, it will be beneficial to you in this case, I think. Talking makes it REAL. Keeping it to yourself only internalizes it and can fester wrong conclusions.

Will it become awkward between y’all? Maybe, possibly, or not. The cuddles may stop, if only so that you guys don’t get your feelings mixed up with your friendship. But know that everything will be OKAY at the end of it all. My self-discovery journey took 4 years, so it’s NOT an overnight thing. But having someone you trust to talk about it, and to acknowledge it makes you feel more valid. And in the end, if it becomes something else or not, at least you know a lot more about you and about where you want to stand in your relationship with your best friend.

Now, I’ve avoided saying this next bit up until this point because the important thing to focus on is YOU, BUT. There’s ALSO the slight possibility that you guys got yourself into a Sherlock-and-John situation where he’s ENDLESSLY pining for his only-dated-women-since-we’ve-been-together best friend, and he’s keeping quiet because he loves you and your friendship is more important to him than losing you… which is why he allows the cuddles with you. IF that scenario is the case, AGAIN, you guys NEED to talk about it so you’re not leading each other on. A strong friendship will survive an emotional upheaval / revelation like that, and even if nothing comes of it, you guys will still be besties.

Bah, sorry it took me so long to answer this, Lovely. I was crying the whole time I wrote this because I’m a sap and it reminds me of my own “oh shit I’m not broken” moment. That and I am SO worried that your friendship will break, but you guys seem to be very close so the TL;DR version of this is: TALK. Honestly, many problems are solved with open and honest communication, and having someone close to you hold your hand on your journey will be a welcome thing to have.

In the end, this is YOUR decision to make, so have a think on it, weigh your options, and do what your heart feels is right.

If any of my followers experienced something similar, or if I have erred anywhere, please feel free to add your own, Lovelies, so that Nonny doesn’t feel so alone and so that they can know that everything will be alright.