#someone: writers are allowed to have boundaries and you shouldn't be mean to people online

[altschmerzes]

one of the wildest like, tertiary characters in my online experience is this one really pissy asshole who pops up every so often on posts about comments on ao3 who is like, really really really upset about how there's a generally accepted fandom etiquette rule that you shouldn't just dump unsolicited criticism on people's fics. this person insists this is ruining fandom, obsessively replies to blogs like longlivefeedback whining at them about it, and insists it is uh. everyone else. who is sensitive and entitled. it's amazing to me every time i'm reminded they exist, but they just keep showing up lmaooo.

[mouseymilkovich]

Hi there! I wanted to follow you recently because I really enjoyed some of your stories! But after seeing some of your recent posts/responses to multiple messages (I've never sent one, or I wouldn't be here) even as a passive viewer, I've felt kind of awkward and put off by them.

As I'm sure you're thinking, this is of course YOUR space and you are certainly allowed to do/say whatever you'd like! But if you're trying to build a page/cultivate a community of people who enjoy the same characters/shows and share our thoughts/stories about them, and ask people's opinions or for requests, it really doesn't help to scold or make fun of the people who've chosen to follow or support you because they liked your stories or content. Especially if it's in response to them trying to interact with you. Imagine being nervous to send someone an Ask or message (one that is polite and benign, not insulting) and then their response is to admonish you for not doing it "right"... 🙈

Of course NO ONE has to answer requests or do anything they're not comfortable with! But there are also different ways to handle or respond that don't come off so rude. And I'm only bothering to say anything because I'd want to know if I was posting things that I didn't realize were coming off that way to people. And I see a couple similar writers you've mentioned doing the same. I've witnessed other fandoms devolve into "mean girl" vibes and cliques, talking down to the very people who follow them (which is SO weird considering this is an online space for adults, discussing *fiction* and shouldn't be that serious). Just a friendly suggestion from a casual viewer that it seems things like this could go in that direction. Unless that's the vibe you're going for 🤷🏻‍♀️

hi! if you don't like the way i respond to certain things, you are more than welcome to not follow/not interact with me if this is how you feel.

i try very hard to be polite, and to use tone tags where necessary, especially as someone who isn't always good at reading tones through the internet.

if you're referring to this ask, i wanted to make it known that i didn't appreciate the way my friends got identical requests when; 1) maggie's are closed, and 2) olive states that she doesn't want reqs that are just direct copy and pastes from others that haven't been answered. sharing asks we get with each other doesn't make us "cliquey", we're allowed to share things with each other, we're friends.

i have been polite when declining some reqs i'm uncomfortable with, in case you haven't seen this, this, or this!

and certain asks i've simply declined because the submission deadline for those prompts are over or they didn't read the rules of what/who i'd write, like this.

and yknow what? sometimes i might have to be a little mean, i've spent most of my life until i was an adult being a doormat and i don't think it's wrong or gives me "mean girl" vibes to simply as that my blog rules be respected!

TLDR ; thanks for trying to make me feel guilty for how i choose to respond to things and setting boundaries! i hope you have a nice day. xoxo

[thestrangestthing89]

This situation with Noah isn't a new problem in the fandom. These fans have been harassing everyone for months in them name of progressive causes they aren't well-informed about. This is obviously not specific to the Stranger Things fandom. Go anywhere online and you will likely see a bunch of teens screaming about something even though they clearly skipped the step of educating themselves. Not only have I been the target of the dumbest shit, but so many other people have too. No one can post here without someone getting self-righteous and yelling about it. I have been accused of the following simply for posting something to my own blog: - I've been called misogynistic because I said El wasn't the main character. A thing the writers have said several times now (it's Will). The writers aren't misogynistic either. - I've been called misogynistic because I said El has character flaws like everyone else. - I've been called a condescending bitch when I politely tried to explain what misogyny actually is. A thing you'd think they'd be interested in learning if they actually cared about that cause (clearly they don't or I wouldn't have been called a bitch so much). - Been called racist because I said Hopper wasn't copaganda, even though I explained clearly why I thought this was. - Got called racist because I pointed out that Lucas was often filling his Ranger role and that's why he is helping Mike in S3 (the boys all play their D&D characters). But the trendy thing to say at the time was that he was being written in racist way so obviously this means I'm racist too. - Had multiple people say I was silencing them when I wrote my own damn post (not a response to theirs) about many of the above topics. I just simply disagreed with their points and that isn't allowed here. - Had someone I never interacted with spread a rumor that I sent them anonymous hate filled asks even though I had no fucking clue who they were. And those posts were anonymous so they have no idea who actually sent them. They just wanted my attention. But I never sent anyone an anon ask before anyway so this was just bizarre. But a several people believed it. - Pretty much every adult on here has been accused of pedophilia for watching a show with kids on it. This gets pretty relentless sometimes. I'm sure I could think of several others and other people have had a lot as well. The thing about this as someone who has actually experienced things like misogyny first hand is that being called this is incredibly upsetting, especially when you are being called this by someone who doesn't know what they are talking about and doesn't care about the impact of these words. They just want you to shut up and stop telling them they did something wrong.

This is all happening because they are watching a show that is overwhelming them and they can't deal with people discussing it in a more nuanced way than they are. This wouldn't be happening if there were more adults here to drown it out. But as it is, no one can actually discuss this show and it has nothing to do with Noah. It's because kids are watching when they shouldn't. And they have weird, boundaries with the fandom and the cast that are constantly causing problems. This didn't happen back in the first 2 seasons because it was only adults watching. I'm not saying adults can't be problematic too, but most of this shit is from people who are way too young to handle this. And now we are all getting lectured by 14 year old foreign policy experts. It's not ok and they need to spend a lot of time learning about how to interact with people online better. This isn't the shows fault. But they can make it clear who this is actually for. Because these kids are going to throw a fit over everything. They always do. They aren't going to like S5 either. They are only watching because it's cool and they have FOMO. They can't understand it and are constantly insulting it and everyone associated with it and the fandom. Seriously, amp up the horror. Make it rated R. A lot of us would really love to be able to discuss this show and can't because of how awful it is here.

[checkeredshorts]

I feel strongly about writing for yourself. If you're getting paid to write or it's a gift for someone else or you're trying to build a reader base then obviously you have to consider your audience. If you're writing for free and don't intend to make writing a source of income for yourself, writing only for other people will probably make you miserable. It's just a matter of when.

However, I also feel strongly about the relationship between writers and readers and how precarious it can be. To clarify, I'm talking about how writers talk about readers, though this relationship is fraught on the opposite side as well. I've seen enough condescension and even hostility toward readers to be wary of the idea that the relationship between writers and readers is truly an equitable give and take.

Yes, we writers are posting a lot of work for free, but I personally don't like the idea that other people should be grateful to us for the act of posting. This thought process doesn't take the actual content of the work into account at all, not to mention that no one is forcing us to post online. There's also the matter of unrealistic expectations. You shouldn't expect all of your work to be popular or well-liked just because you've done the act of posting it. If you give someone a gift and they don't like it, acting like they should be grateful you gave them something in the first place is not a productive conversation to have.

When I post my work online, I have to concede that my own selfishness is a significant part of it. I post on AO3 because I want people to read and comment on my work, not for the good of fandom itself. I post my original work on my sideblog because there's something I want to gain and not because I want to "bless" someone else with my work. (To be honest, I find dressing up the idea of posting work online for free as "bless[ing] them with your work" to be pretentious.) I'm not fond of the idea that posting my work online is an altruistic act done out of grace. It truly isn't for me, though I acknowledge that it might be for others. I have accepted that posting my work publicly also means that people can and will say whatever they want about it, no matter how I feel. However, these are also my own feelings, and it would be unreasonable to try and force them onto someone else.

I think we also have to acknowledge that different people write for different reasons, so unspoken rules like "never give unsolicited constructive criticism" for example are things I think we should be cautious of. Maybe some writers hate unsolicited concrit while some writers welcome it. I think assuming that everyone in the writing community (both writers and readers) is operating under the same code of conduct for lack of a better term is leading to a lot of misunderstandings and conflicts that could be avoided. I think the only grace that really needs to be given here is the kind that tries to give the benefit of the doubt and acknowledges that there will be people who don't know what the terms of that code of conduct are or even that those terms exist. Conversely, there will be writers who don't like that code of conduct being applied to them and their work and choose not to follow it. Everyone is different and I think that immediately reacting with aggression when the issue might just be a resolvable miscommunication or a difference of opinion is a significant reason why the relationship between writers and readers has gotten this bad. If you don't want to get unsolicited constructive criticism you should be allowed to make that boundary, but boundaries should be communicated instead of taken for granted.

To give a little background on my opinion here, I'm old. I come from a time when people would put "no flames, please R&R" at the end of their summaries on fanfiction.net, AO3 didn't even exist yet, and "sporking" bad fanfiction was still a thing. I have a degree and feedback on all of the papers I had to write wasn't seen as being off the table whether I liked it or not. My day job has performance reviews every year and quality checks are a significant part of that day job. I somewhat recently left a community where it wasn't strange for open concrit posts to be required in order to participate and asking only for praise was seen very negatively (usually phrased as "asking for buttpats"). What I'm getting at here is that I've been taught to expect criticism at some point. You can then imagine my surprise when I came back to general fandom after being away for a very long time and saw how common it was for people to see unsolicited constructive criticism as rude.

I guess my overall point is that strictly adhering to expectations or traditions instead of communicating and viewing the relationship between writers and readers as if the former is giving a blessing to the latter are maybe things we should gently turn away from.