#something something the inherent intimacy of surrendering yourself completely

[karinhart]

mind control is something that can actually be so romantic,

(ID in alt)

[blackleatherjacketz]

My Brother’s Keeper: Chapter 5

Negan x Reader

Summary: Your brother runs away from the Sanctuary and you pay the price.

Warnings: Prude-shaming, Slut-shaming, Sibling rivalry, Mentions of sex, Hot coffee, Spot the Hamilton reference, Angst, Anger, Fear, All that good stuff!

Read the rest of the story HERE!

Tags: @rasa1945 @annablack1102 @genevievedarcygranger @letsby @negans-network @negansdirtygirll @collette04 @mblaqgi @flames-bring-a-ton-of-ash @irrelevantwriter

“How long have you known?” The truth of your sister’s knowledge stung like a freshly open wound even though it didn’t surprise you. She’d always been the most secretive, the most manipulative, the most controlling of your siblings. You looked Natalie in the eye, her hazel irises expanding as she avoided your stare.

“A week or so,” she finally admitted.

“Natalie, you should have told me,” you paused in disbelief at your sister’s treachery. “Negan has scouts from here to Timbuktu watching the roads to the other communities. Did you think about that?” You walked past your father who couldn’t stop staring at the goodbye note Alex had written him, speechless on his bunk.

“And risked you blabbing your mouth to Doctor Carson or anyone else who walked into the infirmary?” She rose her eyebrows accusingly. “I don’t think so.”

“I don’t blab my mouth!” You defended, folding your arms across your chest.

“No, but you’re a bad liar, and so is dad. I couldn’t risk telling either of you.” She pointed to him.

“Hey!” He interjected, looking up from the letter. “I can keep a secret!”

You both pursed your lips, rolling your eyes as you remembered all the times he verbalized his innermost thoughts at the most inappropriate times.

“Alright, I’ll give you dad, but why didn’t you go just with them? Why are you still here? You hate it here.” You took a few steps forward, leaving only a foot of space between you.

“Somebody had to take care of him.” She nodded toward your father. “You’re already maxed out on points with your job, so I thought that when Negan found out they’d escaped he’d want…” her eyes darted over you nervously. “I thought that he’d want more from us.”

“And you thought that he’d want you, huh?” You swallowed hard, her confidence never ceasing to amaze you.

“Well yeah, I mean, what else could I do? I majored in cosmetology, I can’t…” she glanced around the room frantically, “Fix people when they’re hurt or build structures for the Sanctuary. I’m not like you and dad, okay?”

“So you were just going to… what? Fuck your way out of this like you fuck your way out of everything else?” Years of resentment began to manifest itself as anger, fanning a flame that burnt hot on your cheeks as your words became more candid.

“Looks like you beat me to it.” She tilted her head, glancing at your fresh bruises. “I was surprised you even remembered how to spread your legs at all.”

Your mouth fell open as your sister’s words hit the air, cutting you deep.

“Okay,” you started, putting a cautionary hand in the air, “It wasn’t even like that, and just so you know, I’ve spread my legs plenty.”

“Oh yeah? And how long ago was that?” Her eyes widened in judgement. “Negan needs someone with experience, not someone like you.”

“At least I haven’t slept with half the sanctuary already!” You couldn’t believe you were being prude-shamed by your own flesh and blood. “And just so you know, I’ve been focused on my career, doing my part to keep the whole family be safe, not trying to get my rocks off every chance I get!”

“That’s what I’m trying to do!” She screamed desperately, her jugular vein distending in her neck. “We can’t risk you getting overwhelmed with intimacy like you ALWAYS do. If anyone was made for this, it was me.” She clenched her jaw as she stared you down, her expression as dire as her words. “This is life or death, and we can’t mess this up.”

“Girls,” your father interjected, standing up. “Your mother’s out there with your brother somewhere. The last thing she’d want you to do is fight.”

“We’re not fighting, we’re having a conversation,” you whispered through gritted teeth. Those very words were often uttered by your mother after hours of screaming between them while you and your siblings huddled together at the top of the stairs.

He gave you a knowing glance and continued, “This has to stop.” He folded the piece of paper in half, in fourths, then in eighths before putting it in that tiny little pocket in the front of his jeans. “Negan made his choice, and we have to honor that.”

“I will if she does,” Natalie hissed.

“Alright,” you smirked, exposing both palms. “I’ll see you guys later.”

——————-

You tried your best to distract yourself, to put that horrid conversation in the back of your mind as you opened the latest novel Alex had lent you: Clear and Present Danger. Jesus, that sounded a little too close to home, didn’t it? You soldiered through the first few pages, not being able to focus on the words in front of you at all. You felt yourself reading the same sentence three times over before actually registering what it was trying to say. Nothing against Tom Clancy, but you just weren’t in the mood to read.

God, you missed movies.

Instead you decided to get some air, to change the scenery of these bland concrete walls to help improve your mood. You pushed into the heavy metal door at the end of the hallway, its hinges squeaking loudly against the rusted metal of the frame as you walked through the threshold and into the wet summer heat. The hum from the electric light in the corner of the building mixed with with the buzz of batted wings as moths and mosquitoes battled for dominance in an ambient summer chorus. At least these bugs would bite and suck your blood without judgement.

You let the door slam shut behind you, hearing it catch on the cinder block that kept it open for whoever else was out here. You were hoping to be alone for a few minutes but with the Sanctuary’s security protocols, the likelihood of that was very slim. Whoever was out here would be light years better company than your sister or that book.

“The hell are you doing out here?” The female Savior turned to face you, her M-16 at the ready. Oh thank God, it was only Laura.

“Can’t sleep,” you confessed, feigning to raise your hands in surrender.

“You never have trouble sleeping.” She loosened the grip on her weapon, letting go of it completely to let it hang by the strap on her shoulders. “You wanna talk about it?” She jested, turning away before you could even answer.

“Not really,” you whispered.

One of the perks of being a nurse at the Sanctuary was earning the inherent trust of most of its residents. Workers and Saviors alike all came to you and Doctor Carson in their times of need, putting their lives and comfort in your hands. Laura was one of those people about a year ago, getting shot in the stomach by a vagrant traveler when she hobbled into the infirmary covered in blood.

You remembered stitching her up while Doctor Carson was busy with an amputation next door, feeding her antibiotics and a few extra painkillers when no one else was looking. Ever since then she’d always looked out for you, grabbing extra medical supplies and candy when she went out on runs. She even went as far as bringing you a new stethoscope one time. You guessed she was the closest thing you had to a friend in the apocalypse.

“Good.” She walked over to the picnic table and picked up a thermos full of piping hot coffee. Despite the sticky heat that surrounded you both, she pursed her lips around the metal lid, blowing on the black liquid to cool it down. Taking a tentative sip, she smiled as the jolt of caffeine rushed through her veins, offering some to you in return.

You took the gift from your friend, hoping it would keep you awake long enough to avoid your bed until your sister’s words left your memory. ‘I’m surprised you remembered how to spread your legs at all’ … unbelievable! The coffee was bitter, and no help in washing away those awfully fresh memories. Maybe what you needed was a stronger drink, something with alcohol in it.

“Simon said he couldn’t find your family at Hilltop; they just got back.” Laura took her thermos back from you, sipping again before placing it gently on the picnic table.

“Thanks,” you replied somberly, knowing of only one other community they could be at. “Hopefully they find them soon.” You lied through your teeth, even to Laura whose kindness set her apart from the rest of the Saviors. You’d take your peace of mind any way you could get it.

“Negan will probably search The Kingdom tomorrow. He sounded pretty pissed that Simon didn’t bring them back tonight.” She leaned her back against the table.

“Yeah, I figured he would go there first,” you whispered, hoping he was miles away from any community Negan had on his radar.

Negan… Negan… oh shit, didn’t he say he was going to stop by tonight? Shouldn’t you be in your apartment graciously waiting for him to come over and…

“You should try to get some rest,” Laura interrupted your thoughts. “He’ll want you on your A-Game tomorrow.”

[thebackroadtourist]

Overseas Romance: What it is / How to Deal With it.

Ahhh overseas romance. From strolling side by side in a beautifully lit Albanian village to gazing at the blood orange sun-set behind a Macedonian mountainside. The sights you see and the moments you find yourself in can be truly breathtaking, and sometimes truly romantic. When you share a moment like this with someone you are attracted to on a physical AND emotional / psycho-spiritual level, it can create some downright magic. But how can you tell if the other person is feeling the same way about you? And are overseas romances even successful?

Before we get into protocol lets first lay our foundation. We need to understand the anatomy of a solo backpacker. In my experience, I am often attracted to two types of women:

Those in a “fuck-it” stage in their life. Those in a “healing” stage in their life.

These two types of people take on expansive backpacking journeys to break free from something that may be weighing them down. A person who is in a “fuck it” stage may have just quit their job, finished university, ended a  relationship or is going through a quarter life or even mid-life crisis. A person who is in a “healing” stage is likely recovering from a recently painful break-up. For the remainder of this article I will focus on the person who is healing from a recently painful break-up, because that is more relevant and it’s what I have dealt with most.

This person who is healing from a recently painful break-up will behave in one of two ways: A).  This person will go sexually wild with as many people as possible to numb the pain. B).  This person will take a spiritual sabbatical from intimacy to find themselves.

These two types of people are clearly going through shit. Here is my theory…

Emotional pain has two sides: dependent and independent. We either search for healing outside ourselves (dependent) like person A; or we turn inside (independent) like person B, and perhaps shut off all sexual stimuli from our external environment in order to remain pure and find their answer to what they may be looking for. If this sounds a bit florid to you, bear with me. 

Now that we have laid our foundation lets turn our attention on YOU, the receiver. Ask yourself, which one are you attracted to the most? Which one do you attract? If you are a nice guy who gives off a charming, safe-masculine vibe, then chances are you will attract an independent healer. If you are a rough-around-the-edges type of guy who seeks out casual sex chances are you will attract a dependent healer. 

Now that you have an idea of what you may be getting into, lets turn to the fun stuff. Inevitably there will be someone you find attracted to at the hostel, on a tour or out on a pub crawl. Once you break the ice with this person a fun and highly anticipated mystery lies ahead because the life of this relationship is inherently short-lived due to the ever-changing nature of backpacking. So now you’re chatting with this beautiful person whom you find interesting and you sense a mutual vibe and perhaps your horniness is amplified by the lack of sex and masturbation you have been able to accomplish from being stuck in dorms for weeks or months on end. So now what?

1). Ask the right questions. Once you have established a rapport, don’t be afraid to ask direct questions. Time is of the essence and in the likelihood the feeling is mutual, why waste time? Get to know the person. Ask about his/her relationship status. It should be pretty easy to figure out if they are “healing” and if so, ask the right questions to figure out if it is dependent or independent. As I said, there is nothing wrong with being direct because who cares, you may never see that person again.

2). Know when to back off. For instance if they get up-tight with any personal questions you are asking, back off. If you feel the time is right to put your arm around him/her and they tense up, back off! Don’t be a creep - respect their boundaries. Be courteous. 

3). Incorporate humor. The more serious you come off, the more desperate you will seem. Keep it light, keep it fun, keep it jocular. This is especially true if you do get physical with the other person. Don’t be too dramatic and don’t say anything you will later regret, this isn’t like a love scene from Titanic…or is it? :)

4). Watch out for red flags. If someone is sexually throwing themselves at you right off the bat, they are clearly a dependent healer. Although this situation can be fun and quite thrilling, beware of an emotional instability derived from their desperation for wholeness and a responsibility placed on you to make this person feel complete in that moment. Protect yourself - emotionally and physically. There are sociopaths out there who can easily manipulate you if you are overly vulnerable. And STD’s is a thing, so be mindful of that.

5). Pay attention to what the other person wants, and more importantly -what YOU want. If you’re anything like me, you tend to feel things deeply. I know for myself that a one night stand with someone who I feel emotionally bonded with does not work if they bounce out the next day and I never hear from them again. There have been moments throughout my travels where I meet a girl and for some reason feel intensely connected, like a karmic rekindling from a past life. When this happens I pay extra attention to ground myself and surrender to the actual situation happening rather than what my lascivious mind wants to happen. Often times it leads to a friendship, which can be wonderful. 

Travel relationships can and DO happen! So don’t rule anything out, despite any language barrier. And don’t be afraid to cross continents for someone because hey, what do you have to lose? I did that once. Here is my story: I was seduced by a gorgeous woman who had just ended a loooonnnggg relationship, and I was her rebound. Our connection was so intense and wild, as we broke into an empty dorm room midday to conjugate and since that day have spoken and flirted with each other for months on end, often daily. So I eventually made a visit to her respective country one year later to be painfully blindsided by a cluster of unhealthy emotions, an awkward week of sleeping in her bed and an abstruse lie that killed all interest I had in her. Despite this, I still was able to travel to a new place, explore the culture and learn new things. I grew from the experience as well and because of that I have no regrets. Will I ever do this again with someone else if the opportunity arises? Of course! I am a believer in love, and I think cross-continental attraction is hot and makes for an interesting experience. But know what it is first before you dive in. I should have done my homework and asked more questions with that particular person. You can’t assume things, because you know, two people look at the world with different lens.  Don’t worry - there are success stories out there! Like my friend Katie who cancelled the rest of her trip to fly back to Spain for a guy she met, and now she’s going to move there! So success stories do indeed happen, and who knows - you may be one of them.  

So to conclude: Read the signs, beware of red flags, stay open, be direct, stay vulnerable but not too vulnerable, and listen to what you (and they) want. Most importantly, live your life and let the good times roll.