#sometimes it's not so much religious/moral OCD as having grown up actually extremely religious | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

trans-cuchulainn · 5 months

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hi! we dont know each other but ive stumbled upon your posts in which you describe your anxiety brain and borrowing trouble from the future and i can totally relate to that. and it sounds a lot like ocd, which i know i have... idk if this would be helpful

sometimes i do see things about ocd that i relate to. i think a lot of the underlying thought patterns and fears are probably similar. i don't think i respond to them in the way that somebody with ocd does, though -- i don't experience compulsions and don't find any relief from behaving in certain ways or performing certain rituals, i just experience profound dread and physical discomfort until i'm able to forget about the thing that triggered the anxiety or i move on to something else

my sister has ocd, which i only learned recently (we don't live together and aren't super close), but again, although i see overlap between our experiences, i think we respond to those triggers differently and find different things helpful/harmful. obviously everyone is different so that doesn't rule out the possibility that i'd also have it, but i think it makes it less likely

generally i think my issues are largely attributable to generalised anxiety disorder, some kind of brainweirds (not sure if autistic or have adhd or both), and a solid dose of complex trauma that contributes a fair amount of hypervigilance and fear to the proceedings which make standard anxiety tactics less helpful

i think all mental health diagnoses are labels we give to certain groups of symptoms rather than like. firmly grouped Conditions between which there can be no overlap, though. some aspects of anxiety and ocd are very similar, and some are different -- the same stars in different constellations. i think i score more points in the anxiety chart, so that's where i am for now, but doesn't mean i'm not experiencing some of the same things, if that makes sense (and it also doesn't mean that some coping mechanisms designed for one condition won't work just because i don't think i fit under that label -- sometimes they do)

#in this current situation i think i'm experiencing a heady dose of needing (and failing) to mask neurodivergence #AND pretend to be cis AND the overwhelming drive to Be Helpful and Be A Good Neighbour which feels existentially important #especially amidst the horrors of the world since i can help with so few large-scale things so the small ones start feeling like proxies #plus the christian upbringing. can't forget that. it's definitely a factor. good samaritan sleeper agent activated at cost to myself #while also being too chronically ill AND too anxious to be capable of handling any of those things on their own let alone all of them #and while logic brain tells me i can just say no. other logic brain tells me that doing so would be leaving a vulnerable person isolated #and compassion brain won't let me do that. but compassion brain needs to apply to me as well and mostly... doesn't #and that's the part i need therapy about lol #sometimes it's not so much religious/moral OCD as having grown up actually extremely religious #they look very similar but the underlying mechanisms and brain patterns are subtly different.#brainweasel hotel

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