#sorry I got born with a Catastrophically Defective Body

[thesnacken]

I really feel like people don't take my sensory limitations and sensitivities seriously.

I'm not just being picky, actually! Strong scents cause my respiratory system to flare up!

I actually CAN'T tune out stimuli. Its just A Thing. I've never been able to do it in my whole life because my brain Just Isn't Wired Like That

So when I say "Can you not smoke here?" or "Please only get unscented trash bags" or "I really need you to be using headphones, please" I am expressing a Very Real Need and if you're just going to ignore that I have to resign myself to the fact that I just can't trust you.

[inviouswriting]

Memories

This follows 5.3 lore. So if you are not caught up in it, avoid this story please.

Spoilers.

Aymeric x Kiya. 

Characters - Kivera, Aymeric, Kiya, Mentions of the polyship with Shuri. @maiden-born-in-snow​

Kiya had to have answers, about what her life was. When she explained what she had learned to Aymeric, he only embraced her. His feelings did not change at all, learning her life before. 

The question was, what was her life before she was brought to The Source. She had approached Divinity, with questions the Libra spirit could not answer. 

“I’m sorry, those are questions for Kivera. I can’t talk about them, without her around, or in general because it might break taboo.” Divinity answered enough to explain. Kiya had more questions, but the Libra spirit smiles.

“She’ll be glad to answer you though. I think you earned to know.” Divinity then goes into the house she shares with the rest. To talk to the reaper. She was found cocooned in her wings. Divinity pets her black wing then right to have her rouse up.

“Hm?”

“Kiya, wants to know. Ever since she has learned where she came from. She feels lost.” Kivera sits up at this and knew eventually she would have to explain and maybe give her a glimpse of her former life. Kivera dresses in a flash of her magic and wanders out to greet the miqo. Kivera softens her eyes seeing her.

“I’ll answer everything tonight. I do have a requirement though, to pray to your deity at both statues. I’ll meet you at Thal’s around midnight.” Kivera had to give a condition, before she opened up doors. 

Kiya nods and sets about the trip for the spots in Thanalan. Kivera watches her teleport, and folds her arms under her chest while Divinity hugs her from behind. 

“You’re getting better at not denying others.” Kivera shrugs Divinity off only to be snared by her and lifted up to be carried at her waist with a few flails from her.

“I swear you chose that form so you can do this!” 

“Maybe, I also like how some outfits look. But lifting you and Shuri has become a favorite. I see why Ardbert, and Estinien enjoy it the same. How do you think she’ll take the information?” Divinity sits with Kivera starting to pet her head, fingers weaving into dark hair.

“She’ll take it like anyone who has had their memories taken. She’ll be confused. However, it benefitted this realm greatly. Having memories of your life before can end up causing conflict. What if she had remembered what her calling was. Even with her defecting their cause. It only took a stray thought and this world would have died.” Divinity nods her head as she listens. They’ve witnessed realms that died, together. Worlds, and dimensions. Kivera being their reaper, she’s seen the grief on her face when faced with dying worlds.

“You did a good thing.” Divinity sits with her overlooking The Mist’s shores.

“You think so?”

“Your bits of interferences have helped. I know you guided her hand against that necromancer. I’ve seen you angry before, but to channel that through her? Preventing liches and catastrophes from them. I know you do good. Even if the world scorns you for what you do.” Kivera thinks Divinity’s words over, and sees a glimpse of the woman who she sat with on the burning pyre return her gentleness. The first and only time they had touched in the physical realm was Divinity’s own death.

“I think someone who takes away someone’s suffering as they burned to death isn’t someone to be hated.” Divinity adds on. Kivera shifts her form a bit to the one she keeps hidden under the disguises. 

“You do have a way with words, you’ve been hanging around Ardbert a little much.” Kivera comments, and is met with another smile.

“He’s full of insights. Still doesn’t know in depth of what we are and what we do. We’ve let him glimpse our pasts, but not our reasons.” Divinity hears Kivera sigh and feels her nod against her shoulder.

“Eventually. For now, I need to right one who doesn’t know herself.” Kivera disentangles herself from Divinity and goes about to prepare her end of giving some memories back. 

“Do you want me to come with you?” Divinity offers.

“Nah, This is best done by myself. Keep Shuri comfortable.” Kivera goes back into the house to gather things she needs.

Kiya had returned to Ishgard to tell Aymeric she will be home late. She is met with a soft smile and him wishing her to stay safe. Kiya got lost in his eyes when he coaxed her to join him for a little enjoyment in his office. 

When she returned to her home, she found a box left on the bed from Kivera. 

“Wear this at the statue of Thal, I’ll know when you have completed the prayers.” Kiya sets off and goes to Nald’s Respite statue first. She kneels before the statue in prayer and respect. 

One of the few things she and Aymeric don’t cross is their beliefs. He remains devoted to Halone, while she is faithful to hers in Nald’Thal. She had long since remained faithful to him before she met Aymeric. Such being the way Black Mage are. Instilled from Thaumaturges guild’s teaching. 

Kiya stops before she approaches the final statue, and dons the unique attire. She looks herself over in the reflection of water. Her hair worn down in the way Kivera instructed her to wear it. Kivera nods once she sees her exactly how she wants the mage to look.

“Good, now the memories. I apologize for taking those. They were payment for revival. There is a unique balance to keep in the underworld. While you can be spared from a fate, something does need to be taken to cushion it. It’s a bit complicated.” Kivera begins with telling her about the exchange.

“I’ve come to terms with that part.. it’s trying to remember a part of you..” Kiya begins and Kivera nods.

“I understand that. I’ll give you the chance to see and know that former self. I do however want to pose a question. Aren’t you happy with the way things are now?” Kivera asks, and sees Kiya’s eyes light up.

 “I am happy with how things are, yet I want to know.” Kivera smiles and steps back to give her, at least her name. Her voice coming out as a double echo.

“Solaris. Ricorda.” It is a simple phrase, and one that has her remembering. Everything up to the fall of the star of the 14th. How she chose to leave, how she witnessed the last days, she had fallen the creature Therion. From there plucked from the aether by Hydaelyn and given a new life. Her form itself she couldn’t recall except like every other Amourtine. She notices her own appearance resembles the reaper before her, slightly altered. Then every memory from there on was what she knew.

“My form, that was your doing?” Kivera nods.

“Just a smidge of my likeness. But everything else is all your own. Memories, friends, loved ones, children, those you’ve protected, those you’ve lost. The memories you have now, those you fought for. If you had remembered that former life, would you have followed the same path as now?” Kivera questions, and moves to press her forehead to Kiya’s. A simple gesture.

“We’ll never know that answer, for it didn’t happen.” Kiya smiles though in her answer. She knows. Kivera knows. They can’t rewind the time. Not with what they’ve done already.

“Do you have any regrets?” Kivera asks.

“No, none. Just glad to know my name. Solaris. If I have any more children, it might fit for a son maybe.” Kivera places a finger over her own lips as hers are sealed.

“I can’t tell you anything more. You should get back to your husband now.” Kiya eyes her wearily, then shakes her head. Kivera takes her home, and Kiya takes the offered hand.

“Is it true you have such a dislike for people that raise the dead?” Kiya asks, and Kivera glances to her.

“You felt my rage right? At that necromancer? That is your answer. There is no good from people who raise the dead for their own means. They start innocent, but quickly lose themselves to madness. Like your friend Edda, whose scythe you wear so proudly on your back. Or those that have stained Tam-tara deep with their ill magic. You’ve seen their madness. What it does. Such in Dusk Vigil with the frozen in time soldiers who were kept alive through ill magic too.” Kiya nods.

“Underworld beings, such as myself are death bringers. We obey that. Anything that abhors that nature shouldn’t be celebrated. The acolytes, the white mages, those that have the blessing to revive someone who freshly fell before the soul leaves. They’re different, but even they can’t revive what is truly lost to the aether. I’m sure if you take the white robes you would understand more in depth to that difference. But those who use bodies are defilers and need to be ended.” Kiya nods at the end of her words. Kivera stays with Kiya till she is on the steps to her home with Aymeric.

Aymeric stands in the doorway, he waited for his love to be returned to him. He regards the ethereal being with a look of reverence. Kivera flits out like smoke as if she was never there. Kiya turns to Aymeric and is guided under his arm inside, to get much rest and spend the night better with him. It has been a few months after Alyse came into the world, and Edmont took their daughter to give the two a night to themselves.

So Kiya could get answers about herself. 

Kivera returns to her lovers. She makes a face to herself as the spots next to Divinity and Shuri was taken up by Ardbert. Leaving the space between Shuri and Estinien open. She opts for that spot, not without first planting ice cold hands on Estinien’s back. The dragoon jolts from the cold, but only eyes Kivera and pulls her between him and Shuri. Letting her wrap her arms around her and pulling her closer.

“ Non desidero mai prendere nessuna delle vostre anime.” She murmurs a protection spell.